004: Shame Slayer with Shoshanna Raven

Dive into an episode where vulnerability meets transformation, and authenticity challenges the status quo. Aimee and Ellie, joined by Ellie's insightful husband, Rob, peel back the layers of their personal and professional journeys, revealing the raw, unedited truths that lie beneath the surface. They touch on moments of struggle and the deep, often uncomfortable shifts that have defined their paths.

 

The concept of “coherence” becomes a beacon of hope and a guide towards authenticity. But what does it really take to align your life and work with your deepest truths? Aimee, Ellie, and Rob don't just tell you; they take you on a journey through their own battles with resistance, fear, and the quest for authenticity in a world that often demands conformity.

 

This episode is more than just a conversation; it's a gateway to a transformative experience. If you've ever felt the pull between who you are and who you're meant to be, between the safety of the known and the exhilarating fear of the unknown, then this is for you. Step into a space where the transformation is real, the vulnerability is palpable, and the journey towards authenticity is anything but linear.

 

Prepare to be intrigued, challenged, and inspired!

 

In this episode, you'll discover:

 

• The importance of stepping back and reflecting on the hidden wounds that may be driving our behavior and actions

• How identifying a “virus” at Aimee's birthday party sparked business changes and massive growth for all of us

• What we’re learning about polarity— what it actually means to us and how it’s playing out in our lives 

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

 

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

We are BACK with a very special episode series for you!!

 

If you’ve been plugged into our community for the last six months or so, you’re probably aware that we’ve been going through a major metamorphosis over here at Desire on Fire. Releasing scarcity, fear and control so we can open to being held by and receiving from the masculine on a wholeee new level.

 

And Ellie’s husband Rob has been a key player who has catalyzed and supported this deep transformation (while simultaneously undergoing his own changes + awakening!).

 

So, we invited Rob onto the podcast so that we can dive deep with him, and really let you into the behind-the-scenes of this journey of what it’s REALLY looked like for each of us (the messy, real and raw!)

 

In this episode, Rob opens up about his own journey of healing, personal growth and finding coherence.

 

Rob shares how the power of masculine and feminine energies has helped him overcome generational wounds, enabling him to break free from harmful cycles, and helped him become the amazing husband and father that he is today—as well as his passion for bringing this work to the world, to impact future generations.

 

Get ready to be moved by Rob's story!

 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

 

• What past experiences changed Robert’s life

• How one tough family dinner conversation showed the need for healing

• Why it doesn’t end with addressing relationship issues and why it needs commitment

• How the “Sacred Initiation” retreat was the ‘setup’ he needed 

• The unfolding of the ‘medicine for the collective’

• What shaped his new life principles as husband and father

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

To listen to Jordan Candlish now, you might never guess he was once an ambitious  ladder-climber in the corporate accounting world. 

 

To the outside world, he was the picture of success: achievement, stability, recognition. 

 

But deep down, he knew that staying in that world and doing things the way everyone else did them was actually playing small and safe with his life. He knew he was meant for more. 

 

So he took the leap into his own healing and evolution, and it’s never been more clear to him that he made the right choice. 

 

Today, Jordan facilitates The Path, a men’s coaching program that helps men heal old wounds, open up new possibilities and true purpose, and gain the maturity and confidence they need to live full-on in their lives and relationships.

 

Aimee sat down with Jordan in Austin for a wide-ranging and intimate conversation about why men’s personal growth work matters now more than ever, and why healthy brotherhood is so essential for men to thrive. 

 

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• How Jordan went from high-powered corporate life to coaching men

• Who he had to disappoint — and why he got okay with it

• What propelled him into this work

• The main issues that get addressed when coaching men

• Jordan’s view of porn (and what he thinks men should do)

• How he deals with controversy, failure, and criticism

Come join us Oct. 13-15 at Desire On Fire Experience LIVE in gorgeous Austin, TX!
Get 50% off your ticket when you use the code COMMUNITY. https://www.desireonfirelive.com/desireonfire-experience

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

In today’s episode we sat down with our client and a college friend of Aimee’s, Makayla Davis. 

 

She’s in one of our all-time favorite photos taken at a Desire On Fire Live event. She’s crying, fully immersed in a private moment of reckoning, and she’s holding the hand of her good friend. 

 

It’s an image that perfectly encapsulates what we do and why we’re here: to help women thaw out, connect deeply with their aliveness in every area of life, and do it all together, held in a powerful container of real sisterhood. 

 

What Makayla reveals in today’s conversation is that that moment happened at last year’s Desire On Fire experience, in response to a question from Ellie onstage. 

 

For 30 years, she had been standing on the sidelines with her desires. When she reconnected with Aimee on social media and started seeing her posts, she experienced a whole range of feelings: judgment, envy, resistance, curiosity. 

 

The loudest message in her head was: That’s not for you. For someone else, maybe, but not for you.  

 

Today we sat down with Makayla to get the whole story — what brought her here, what held her back at first, what had her finally say “yes,” and why that’s made all the difference for her in her life, work, and relationships. 

 

Makayla’s journey is perfectly her own, and also super relatable. She’s finally finding her center; discovering what it’s like to look people in the eye for the first time and ask for what she wants; practicing saying what needs to be said, even when it’s hard and messy; and finally buying lingerie. 

 

It’s been a year of small steps that have added up to big transformation, with so much more ahead. If you’re wondering if this work is for you, or you’re curious but stuck because it feels way to edgy or taboo to talk about these things — we think you’re going to love this conversation.  

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

• All the doubts, judgments, and fears that kept Makayla on the sidelines for so long… and what finally had her jump in

• The question on the first day that changed everything for her

• What’s shifted for her in the year since she said yes to Desire On Fire

Come join us Oct. 13-15 at Desire On Fire Experience LIVE in gorgeous Austin, TX!
Get 50% off your ticket when you use the code COMMUNITY. https://www.desireonfirelive.com/desireonfire-experience

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

Connect with Makayla at Awaken Coaches: https://www.awakencoaches.com/

We love to hear from our community, and we love to share stories and breakthroughs with you! This work all happens inside of real lives… and there’s no better way to understand its transformative power than hearing directly from the women who have been through our programs and events.

 

Last year, Prudence Stein-Greene was a successful real estate agent in LA — an extremely high-stress and high-drive industry.

 

At the time, she was struggling with a business decision, so when a friend invited Prudence to attend our Desire on Fire Experience live in LA, she said yes, thinking it would be a great opportunity to have a business breakthrough. 

 

There was something else, something bigger that was underneath her reason for saying yes to DOFE: she was completely, utterly exhausted. With everything.

 

Her work was incredibly demanding. She was burning out and missing out on coveted time with her kids. She had no connection at all to what she even wanted — in her work, in her marriage, in her life. She resorted to controlling things and people around her, including her husband, blaming him for her dissatisfaction and why their marriage wasn’t aligned. 

 

Her friend encouraged her to spring for the hotel room, get away, and really devote herself to the work that weekend. She took the leap.

 

What happened in those couple of days changed everything. She had the business breakthrough… and a whole lot more. 

 

We know you’re going to love this conversation with Prudence. You’ll get a real-life, down to earth take on what this work is, who it’s for, what it can do for you, and why we are SO passionate about getting women in a room together for this experience!  

 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

 

• What her fears were coming into the event

• The powerful breakthrough she experienced — and what it led to when she returned home

• What’s different for her now in her life, work, and relationships 

• The big change she made that has allowed her to expand her ability to hold sensation in her body

• The next steps she took after DOFE to fully claim her purpose, joy + passion

Come join us Oct. 13-15 at Desire On Fire Experience LIVE in gorgeous Austin, TX!
Get 50% off your ticket when you use the code COMMUNITY. https://www.desireonfirelive.com/desireonfire-experience

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

Have you ever had a moment in your life when all your pain and accompanying coping mechanisms finally caught up with you? 

 

When you finally saw with total clarity that if you wanted to be able to have any kind of happiness in life, you’d have to face that pain and find healing? 

 

Our guest today is the relationship and intimacy coach Stefanos Sifandos — and he shares how that moment of getting “caught” forced him to reckon with a lifetime of abuse, fear, shame, and insecurity… and how that moment opened him up to the possibility of real love, deep connection, profound growth, and BIG impact on the world. 

 

Today Stefanos is a husband and happy new dad, and in his work with individuals and couples, he helps people on the journey to loving all the parts of themselves that they’ve been trying to run from and getting back into healthy relationship with the core of what matters most to them. 

 

And as he says: You can’t run a new life from an old blueprint — and that applies to healing, surrender, intimacy, becoming a parent, and any kind of major personal transformation. 

 

If you’ve been on the verge of big change, and you know the time is right to face and heal your past, we think you’ll be deeply inspired by this heartfelt conversation with Stefanos! 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

• Where Stefanos got his start in transformational work

• How and why becoming a parent can feel like a “regression” in personal growth

• How shame holds us back – and what happens when we finally drop it

• Practical tips for balancing your nervous system when you’re in anxiety & shame

• How commitment actually leads to feeling more free
  
  

Join The Pleasure Revolution: a live, 5-day guided experience for those who are ready to release the hustle and see how much more you can magnetize with your feminine energy leading the way.

Join Us Here: https://bit.ly/TPRpodcast

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

Connect with Stefanos: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stefanossifandos/

Website: https://stefanossifandos.com/

 

We’ve taken a break from our podcast lately — not because we don’t love it, but because we realized we just needed to pull back on some aspects of the business to make room for all the change that’s been swirling around us. 

 

So today we’re back, and we’re sharing a deep-dive conversation about what’s been going on in the business, in our relationships, and in our own personal growth as we navigate our transition to Austin together. 

 

As we let the conversation flow, here’s a theme that kept arising: 

 

We are both deeply committed to practicing what we preach, and one of the most powerful opportunities we get to do that is when things are not working for us. 

 

It’s when we get stuck in “obligation” energy that we have the chance to reconnect authentically with a desire-led life. 

 

It’s when our most intimate relationships are experiencing their biggest challenges that we get to lean into radical honesty, sisterhood, and surrender. 

 

It’s when life doesn’t meet our expectations that we have the choice to either stay stuck in judgment and resentment… or move into looking at all the patterns that aren’t serving us and find the true medicine.

 

Choosing desire as a way of life is not easy. It will bring up ALL your shit and bring you to your knees. 

 

And as we keep finding: it’s also the key to unlocking a quality of freedom and joy in life that we couldn’t even have imagined. 

 

So listen in and catch up with us today!     

 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

 

• Navigating the complexity of living together as friends and business partners

• Aimee is confronted by her desire to go to Bali

• Why conscious relating is not for the faint of heart

• How to find the gold in situations that aren’t meeting your expectations  

• What it means to surrender when you’re in the middle of true pain + challenge

• Discerning when it’s time to surrender, and when it’s time to speak up

• A sneak peek into Amy’s most recent Tantric experience  

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

One of the things that consistently brings women into the Desire On Fire community is shame. 

 

Shame around sex for sure — wanting it, knowing what you want, asking out loud for what you want (often the most difficult and vulnerable part of our journey). 

 

But it’s not just about sexual shame. It’s also about shame around all kinds of desire — for any kind of pleasure, fun, abundance, agency, freedom, or satisfaction. 

 

Where does this shame come from? And how is it that even people who were raised outside of traditional religious environments and in sex-positive families (like Aimee and Ellie) still carry trauma and fear around sex and desire? 

 

Our guests today have a unique perspective, because they grew up inside the conservative evangelical structures that gave rise to purity culture. 

 

And through the long journey of exploration, unlearning, and finally being trained as sex therapists themselves, they’ve found a way forward towards healing, freedom, and wholeness — not just in their sex lives, but in the fullness of all kinds of desire.  

 

If you grew up in purity culture (and spoiler alert: we all feel the effects of this paradigm, whether we grew up with religion or not), we think you’ll find this conversation with Juila Postema and Jeremiah Gibson to be enlightening and deeply encouraging. 

 

Julia and Jeremiah are currently the hosts of the Sexvangelicals, a sexual health podcast and education platform with the mission to support relationships in reclaiming sexuality following adverse religious experiences.

 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

• How Julia and Jeremiah found their way to freedom (and to each other)

• What exactly is purity culture? 

• How purity culture affects even non-religious people

• Why early + clear conversations around sex, pleasure, and desire are so important

• How you can begin your journey to break free from sexual shame

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

Connect with Julia and Jeremiah:

Sexvangelicals website

Julia and Jeremiah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexvangelicals/

Sexvangelicals podcast

 

People + resources mentioned in this episode:

DOF Episode with Elena Rossi on sexual healing after trauma

AASECT (American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors, and Therapists)

Multi-Orgasmic Man, by Mantak Chia

Extended Massive Orgasm, by Steve Bodansky

Dr. Wednesday Martin

Sexvangelicals podcast episode with Kara Haug - Reframing Our Stories

 

Apple Podcasts summary: 

If you grew up in purity culture (and spoiler alert: we all feel the effects of this paradigm, whether we grew up with religion or not), we think you’ll find this conversation with Juila Postema and Jeremiah Gibson to be enlightening and deeply encouraging. 

 

Julia and Jeremiah are currently the hosts of the Sexvangelicals, a sexual health podcast and education platform with the mission to support relationships in reclaiming sexuality following adverse religious experiences.

 

We’re looking at the roots of purity culture, its far-reaching effects on everything we do — and how to find healing and freedom in truth, love, and community. 

You know how we love to invite men onto our podcast, and today’s guest brings a ton of depth, insight, and honesty around the male perspective. 

 

Kevin Hermann is a highly skilled and experienced coach, specializing in business, leadership, and life coaching. He’s led over 25 in-person retreats (that’s a LOT of retreats!!).

 

But so much more than all these credentials and accomplishments, what you get from Kevin is just the transparency he brings to this conversation. He shares openly about being newly engaged and monogamous, what this new level of commitment has brought up in his relationship… and so much more!

 

If you’ve ever been curious about men’s work — what it is, what it isn’t, how it’s changing — then this episode is for you. 

 

You’ll hear about what men are struggling with the most, what they need the most, and how connecting at a deeper level with themselves and other men is essential for their growth and wellbeing. (Sound familiar? We say the same about sisterhood all the time!)  

 

You can find Kevin on Instagram where he’s riffing on the evolution of the masculine and exploring the connection between style and spirituality.

 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

 

• What Kevin thinks about polarity — its benefits and challenges for men and women

• How Kevin responds to the question, Where are all the good men? 

• Why you can’t push your man into being in a men’s group (and a better way to introduce it) 

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

Connect with Kevin:

Kevin’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kev_hermann/

Kevin’s website: https://www.kevinhermann.com/

Kevin on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinhermann/

 

People + resources mentioned in this episode:

Dan Doty: https://dandoty.com/

David Dieda’s The Way of the Superior Man

Groups recommended by Kevin:

Everyman  

ManKind Project

Sacred Sons

Man UNcivilized

ManTalks

 

We’ve got another incredible Inner Circle Q&A call for you today! 

 

As so often happens, there is a common thread that winds its way through all these powerful shares today. 

 

Whether it’s being a caretaker for an ailing family member, dealing with old patterns in your family dynamics, navigating the fear and tenderness of a new relationship, or living in the tension of taking on bold new things… 

 

… today’s brave women are all dealing in some way or another with what it means to jump in bravely, with total honesty and vulnerability, and then trust the Universe to give you what’s best for you. 

 

If you’re seeking a straight shot of spiritual connection… then this episode is for you! 

 

These calls are like parachuting right into the heart of why spirituality + sisterhood are SO important for transformation. 

 

There is so much gold in these calls, and we’re excited to share this one with you! 

 

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

 

• What it looks like to finally stop playing games and manipulating men

• What you might be fundamentally misunderstanding about vulnerability in relationships

• Why money made in the energy of turn-on + alignment goes WAY farther than money made from force or obligation

 

Explore our website: https://www.desireonfire.com/

Come and join our FB community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesireOnFire/

And connect with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desireonfire/

 

Connect with Aimee:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/aimeebatuski/

 

Connect with Ellie:

Check out my instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/elliemontgomerie

 

Lynne Forrest’s Victim Triangle

Lynne Forrest’s book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness

Alison Armstrong