125: The Truth About Fertility Trauma When You're Trying to Conceive

With the technology boom, patients and clients now have access to the same information as medical professionals. As beneficial as technology can be, the drawback is that we find conflicting messages that don’t help us when we are scared and overwhelmed with caring for our child. Join me for this final episode of the Delivering Miracles podcast as we discuss stress, the nervous system, and the necessity of rest and repair. 

Show Highlights:

• A quote on social media about stress and infertility--and why it makes my blood boil [4:50]
• Stress is a set of physiological chain reactions when your brain and nervous system perceive a threat [8:20]
• We are far more stressed out than our ancestors were, and we stay in survival mode without opportunities for the necessary rest and repair [14:05]
• The whole point of the body’s stress response system is to keep you alive [18:50]
• Stress doesn’t cause infertility, but it is a huge piece of the puzzle [28:11]
• Delivering Miracles, Episode 1, began with The Power of Fear [31:51]
• I want to end the podcast by emphasizing The Power of YOU [32:38]
• When we get in rest and repair mode, our body starts to work again [35:07]
• This is not goodbye; there is still much work to be done in spreading the message to empower and inspire women! [39:11]
• Final words of hope: “The very body that feels broken is the very body that holds the key to the power of your health and healing. It’s right there. Reach out and claim it.” [44:24]

Resources:

www.parijetdeshpande.com/deliveringmiracles  

Work With Me: http://bit.ly/wwmdmep136

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

Why Nervous System Regulation is Essential for Optimal Pregnancy and Postpartum Health: http://bit.ly/dmep134

The Power of Fear: http://bit.ly/dmep001

Statistics show that approximately 6% of women experience anxiety during pregnancy, but I suspect that the percentage is actually much higher than that. This episode covers pregnancy anxiety, which is something I see a lot in my practice. Many women have questions about this topic, especially since it’s something that is frequently waved off and disregarded by healthcare providers. It’s a topic that’s close to my heart because I see a lot of outdated tools and techniques touted as the solution. The truth is that your physical body holds the key. Let’s jump into pregnancy anxiety together!

Parenting after loss is a topic that comes up frequently in the Delivering Miracles community. People ask what they should do and how they should go on loving the child they have while still feeling the previous loss. This unique kind of grief presents a conundrum in how to handle the intricacies of parenting, and societal pressure certainly plays into how we THINK we should feel. There is most definitely not just ONE right way to navigate this grief into your role as a parent, but there are principles to follow to get through the basics of grief and loss. Let’s talk about it. 

Show Highlights:

• Talking about loss brings up many issues around grief, which is a topic that our society doesn’t know how to approach [1:23]
• Are you STUCK in grief if you find it difficult to move on? [4:28]
• Your grief doesn’t disappear with another pregnancy or another baby [8:16]
• If you don’t release the grief, it sits in the body and freezes your nervous system [10:09]
• When you are parenting through grief, it is the time to call on your support group for help [20:33]
• Allow your body to do what it needs to do to feel the grief and then release it [25:50]
• Know your grief triggers and avoid them until you know you can allow the waves of grief to complete [27:54]
• Your grief experience is a great learning opportunity for your children to develop emotional intelligence and empathy (Don’t shield them from grief!) [30:13]
• There is no ONE right way to honor your lost baby, but you must address the underlying fear and do what brings you a sense of peace [33:09]
• Your grief can teach your children about the nuances of life; it’s YOUR choice how to let them experience grief [40:32]
• You don’t have to figure it all out right now, but you have to lead with what brings you peace, so just start there [43:59]
• When you’ve experienced a loss and have anxiety about losing your living children, this is trauma encoded in your body [45:33]
• The key is to thaw your nervous system and let the waves of grief come--then you’ll find peace [47:14]
• When we do the healing work, we heal the whole family, so make your healing a priority [50:21]
• You WILL heal, which means remembering those babies without pain and with choice [51:54]

Resources:

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

Healing from Grief - http://bit.ly/dmep128

Coping with the loss of a child - http://bit.ly/013dm

Join us in Healing Hearts http://bit.ly/healheartblog

I’m asked frequently why I like to focus on bodywork and nervous system regulation. The simple answer is that I want to know (and I want you to know) not just how to cope, but how to not be affected by the anxiety that comes with life. When you’re affected by trauma, the truth is that not everything gets better with time. Many people misunderstand nervous system regulation, so let’s talk about how this works and how this information can help you in the long run.

Show Highlights:

• The truth is that time does NOT heal all wounds [3:57]
• My goal is to counter the false beliefs that women are made to believe [6:24]
• How the nervous system is the connection between all other systems in the body [6:55]
• Why nervous system regulation is necessary in addition to all the other things you’re trying [16:40]
• Body-based work is based on recent research and the understanding of neurobiology regarding stress [18:55]
• How the things that are possible when you regulate your nervous system feel “like magic” [21:28[
• Don’t stop at just coping, but learn to harness the power of your body to relieve the symptoms you have [23:59]
• Nervous system regulation: what it is and what it isn’t [24:23]
• Being able to regulate your nervous system is especially important in going through infertility, high-risk pregnancy, and preterm delivery [28:22]
• Getting started with nervous system regulation means having an awareness of being in your body [33:10]
• Biologically, when we have nervous system dysregulation, we cut off what we’re feeling inside [36:40]
• We can teach our nervous system to handle stress by being aware of our sensations, being present with them, and allowing them to dissipate [38:35]

Resources:

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

How the Mind-Body Connection Can Help You Stay Pregnant (a client story) - http://bit.ly/rimahrp

Join us in Healing Hearts http://bit.ly/healheartblog

Work with Me: http://bit.ly/wwmbloghrp

The topic of trauma has hit home for me and our DM community. Stress, anxiety, and maternal mental health issues all have their roots in unresolved trauma. Trauma is simply a nervous system frozen in a state of danger, and it’s not tied to a specific event, but in how that event is encoded in your body. Let’s dive deeper!

Show Highlights:

• Why it’s easy to minimize trauma, which has nothing to do with what you went through; it’s a nervous system frozen in a state of danger (1:12)
• The crux of the trauma problem: When the nervous system is stuck, we cannot make conscious choices until it’s unfrozen (7:50)
• Three stages of how we function when an event has been encoded as trauma: (12:15)
• • Survival
  • Coping
  • Thriving
• Your body can’t heal if it doesn’t feel safe, which is the key to reclaiming life and health (19:10)
• We have to make changes in order to unfreeze our nervous system (25:54)
• You deserve healing! ((30:50)
• Questions from event participants about therapist training, Healing Hearts membership, coping and trying again, and more (32:14)

Resources:

5 Myths About Trauma http://bit.ly/5traumamyths 

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

Join us in Healing Hearts http://bit.ly/healheartblog

This is the episode I didn’t want to do. I tried to avoid it, but I can’t. My feelings are prompted by what I’ve seen on social media posts and articles--and those have left an awful taste in my mouth. We have an epidemic in the US of healthcare providers not listening to women when they complain about their pain and what’s going on in their lives. People don’t listen, and they don’t trust what women say, but then they wonder why all these women’s health issues keep cropping up in spite of our advanced technology. I’m angry--and you should be, too. Let’s talk about it. 

In this episode:

• 99% of my clients have experienced being silenced, being ignored, or medical errors being made because they were not believed.
• In advocating for evidence-based solutions to women’s health issues, we can’t ignore the fact that every person’s body and experiences are different.
• We are only able to trust our instincts when we’re able to regulate our nervous system in scary situations.
• Regardless of your age, career, education, social status, or finances, YOU are the only expert on your body.
• Statistics are just big-picture guidelines, so you need to lead with your body and what it is telling you.

In women’s health, providers understand the clinical side of data but ignore the lived-in experiences of women. We need more research, but your lived-in experiences matter way more than any study. Find a provider who respects your experiences and will let YOU lead. 

Resources:

What Should I Ask My Doctor (free guide)--http://bit.ly/whattoaskdr  

How to Get a Reliable Second Opinion--http://bit.ly/003dmep  

5 Signs You Need a New OB--http://bit.ly/neednewOB 

How to Be an Empowered Patient--http://bit.ly/dm022ep 

5 Myths About Trauma--http://bit.ly/5traumamyths  

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release (free webinar)--http://bit.ly/modappweb  

Schedule a Strategy Session--http://bit.ly/healthstratsess     

Do you feel that you deserve to heal and feel better on your fertility journey? Do you feel like you deserve to be a mother and experience a healthier pregnancy? Do you feel like you deserve to grieve your losses and bring a baby home from the hospital? Of course, we say that we deserve these things, but the problem is that we battle an underlying feeling of unworthiness.

In this episode:

• The qualifications we use to call ourselves “infertile” [3:20]
• How we, as women, allow everyone else’s needs to be more important than our own [12:20]
• When we don’t feel validated in our experience, we tend to look for validation from other people [17:00]
• Why we feel like we deserve the “bad things,” but don’t deserve healing and support [24:16]
• You don’t need to try to “figure out” if your pain is justified as compared with someone else’s [27:29]

You shouldn’t have to fight for the ability to grieve, honor your story, and heal. You ARE worth it, and you deserve to heal from grief and trauma. When was the last time you told yourself that?

Resources:

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release (Free Webinar)- http://bit.ly/modappweb

Schedule a consultation - http://bit.ly/healthstratsess

Join us in Healing Hearts - http://bit.ly/healheartdirect

November is Prematurity Awareness Month, so it’s a good time for us to discuss the basics. In today’s show, we’re talking about risk factors for preterm delivery and other information you need to know about this frightening experience. 

In this episode:

• Prematurity is the leading cause of death for children under five across the world---and the rate in the US keeps rising. [1:47]
• A history of preterm delivery is the #1 risk factor for another preterm delivery. [6:51]
• Many medical conditions and lifestyle habits can increase the chances of preterm delivery. [21:27]
• Conditions associated with stress can contribute to risk factors. [23:09]
• What you need to know about the four levels of the NICU--and what to expect with each one. [33:14]

You need to be well-informed about the risk factors for preterm delivery, red flags to look for, who you need on your team, and how to prepare yourself. 

Resources:

What Should I Ask My Doctor (free guide) - bit.ly/whattoaskdr

What Every Woman Needs to Know About Pelvic Floor Health with Catherine Middlebrooks - http://bit.ly/dmep117

5 Myths About Trauma http://bit.ly/5traumamyths

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

Schedule a consultation - http://bit.ly/healthstratsess

I love to hear from you! I love to address your questions and concerns with Listener Q & A episodes, like today’s show. Join us as we cover several topics that are relevant to birth trauma, preemie development, postpartum depression, and the work of healing.

In this episode:

• Dealing with the uncertainty of the development of a preemie when you aren’t sure what to expect [2:24]
• Experiencing postpartum depression with stillbirth, miscarriage, or ectopic pregnancy [15:48]
• Getting over the fear of a medical termination when you’ve gone through this before [25:33]
• How (and to what degree) diet can help with postpartum depression [40:08]
• The reality of full healing from birth trauma vs. “learning to cope” [51:00]
• Healing work is lifelong work that requires an ongoing commitment [55:26]

*You CAN let go of birth trauma without knowing the outcome. Peace is not elusive for you. You can find peace NOW, even when the future is uncertain. Nervous system regulation is the missing piece that you need!

Resources:

5 Myths About Trauma http://bit.ly/5traumamyths

The Truth About Fertility Trauma http://bit.ly/dmep125

Relieving Trauma-Induced Health Complications Workshop http://bit.ly/traumahealthcomp

When It's Not a Diet Issue but Unresolved Trauma https://www.instagram.com/p/B37gSK2BDH_/

Modern Approach to Grief & Trauma Release Free Webinar http://bit.ly/modappweb

What Should I Ask My Doctor? a free guide bit.ly/whattoaskdr

Real Food for Pregnancy by Lily Nichols https://amzn.to/2JoCz0X

There are many nuances to grief. The loss of a child is extremely painful grief, but you have to trust that your body knows how to heal itself. It’s important that you reach out for support when you need professional guidance. Let’s jump into this difficult topic together. 

In this episode:

• We don’t speak accurately enough about the experience of pregnancy loss and saying goodbye to a life lost too soon. [9:28]
• Grief hurts and feels awful. [11:00]
• Our body has a built-in system that knows how to heal from grief. [19:55]
• There are no stages of grief. [25:07]
• Your job is to keep your body tension-free and tightness-free. [34:15]

Grief is not a pathological condition. There is no treatment for it. You’re not broken for mourning the loss of your baby, so take all the time you need. 

Resources:

www.parijatdeshpande.com/healinghearts  

http://bit.ly/healheartdirect