167. Tracee Ellis Ross: How to Make Peace in Your Own Head

Podcast Summary

• Revolutionizing industries with innovative solutions: 3rd Love transformed the bra industry with half cup sizes and virtual fitting rooms, while Pampers ensured optimal skin health for babies with Swaddlers diapers and free gentle wipes.

  Both 3rd Love and Pampers offer innovative solutions to common problems in their respective industries. 3rd Love revolutionized the bra industry with their half cup sizes and virtual fitting room, providing more options for finding a comfortable and stylish fit. Pampers, on the other hand, delivers gentle and effective diaper protection with their Swaddlers diapers and free and gentle wipes, ensuring optimal skin health for babies. Both brands prioritize customer needs and satisfaction, making them standout choices in their markets. Moreover, during the discussion, we learned about Tracy Ellis Ross, a talented actress, producer, and entrepreneur. She is the founder and CEO of Pattern, a haircare brand for curly, coily, and tight textured hair. Ross's accomplishments span across various industries, including television, film, and podcasting. Her upcoming projects include a 10-episode podcast, I Am America, which aims to bring clarity during these divided times. Ross's unique blend of power, poise, transparency, and tenderness makes her an exceptional role model and a truly remarkable woman. In summary, this conversation highlighted the importance of addressing common problems and offering innovative solutions in various industries, as well as showcasing the inspiring journey of a multitalented individual.

• The idea of 'cauldron sisters' highlights our interconnectedness through shared experiences and inner qualities.: Through the concept of 'cauldron sisters,' we're reminded of the deep connections we can form with others, despite differences in backgrounds or time periods, and that these bonds are rooted in shared inner traits.

  We are all connected through our shared experiences and inner qualities, which can create deep connections with others, even if we come from different backgrounds or time periods. This concept can be likened to the idea of "cauldron sisters," where souls are created in a communal cauldron and then dispersed throughout time, forming bonds with others who share similar inner traits. These connections can be discovered through moments of deep understanding and shared experiences, even if they don't occur frequently. Ultimately, these connections remind us that we are not alone in our experiences and that there is a vast network of like-minded individuals out there, waiting to be discovered.

• Friendships that last a lifetime: Cherish and prioritize long-lasting friendships, acting as a supportive sister figure and being unmovable and unshakeable in commitment.

  Tracy Ellis Ross is deeply cherished and valued by many as a devoted friend, often referred to as a "barnacle" who sticks by their friends through thick and thin. Ross shared several heartwarming stories of being there for her friends during significant moments in their lives, even when it meant putting her own plans aside. These friendships have endured for decades, with Ross acting as a supportive sister figure to some. The metaphor of being a barnacle highlights the idea of being unmovable and unshakeable in one's commitment to one's friends. Ross' reflections on her long-lasting friendships emphasize the importance of cultivating strong bonds and the joy that comes from being a part of someone's life journey.

• Impact of societal messaging on women's perceptions and relationships: Recognize societal expectations aren't our only guide, be true to yourself for genuine happiness, and seek support to challenge messaging.

  Societal messaging can greatly impact our perceptions of ourselves and our relationships, particularly for women. Monica's conversation highlights the idea that women are often taught to prioritize being chosen over being true to themselves. This can lead to confusion and a tangled web of relationships, where friendships may fill the role of romantic relationships when the latter aren't present. To break free from this messaging, it's crucial to recognize that we don't have to conform to societal expectations and that genuine happiness comes from being true to ourselves. Additionally, learning new languages can be a valuable tool for personal growth and expanding opportunities, especially with the help of comprehensive programs like Rosetta Stone. To avoid getting stuck in negative thought patterns, it's essential to seek out resources and communities that support and challenge us to unpack and challenge societal messaging. By doing so, we can work towards living authentic, fulfilling lives.

• The importance of friendship and staying grounded: Friendship and transparency help us stay connected to reality and prevent negative thought patterns from snowballing into fear, shame, and a 'risk hangover'. Practice self-compassion and kindness when dealing with negative thoughts, as some may serve as valuable lessons but can be detrimental if left unchecked.

  Our minds can be a wonderful place, but it can also be dangerous when we get disconnected from reality and fall into negative thought patterns. Friendship and transparency are essential in keeping us grounded and tethered to our humanity. The basics of life, such as making a bed or doing laundry, can help us stay connected to ourselves and our sense of self. However, when we don't direct our minds and let negative thoughts take control, they can snowball and lead to fear, shame, and a "risk hangover." It's important to be compassionate with ourselves and practice kindness and tenderness when dealing with these negative thoughts. Some of them may serve as valuable lessons, but when left unchecked, they can be detrimental. The ability to call on friends for support and to be completely transparent with them can help us navigate these difficult moments and stay grounded in reality.

• The importance of self-care and aftercare for personal growth: Prioritize self-care, reflect on experiences at the right time, plan for aftercare, and honor milestones with intention

  Self-care and aftercare are essential for personal growth and emotional well-being. The speaker shares how she learned from her friend Pema Chodron to prioritize self-care and wait until the right time to reflect on challenging experiences. She also emphasizes the importance of planning for after an event, such as a birthday, to ensure proper support and recovery. The speaker's independent nature led her to celebrate in different ways, and she honored turning 50 by having a small, meaningful celebration with loved ones. Overall, the discussion highlights the importance of intentional self-care and aftercare to process emotions and continue growing.

• Clothing as Self-Expression and Armor for Tracy Ellis Ross: Clothing is more than just covering up or following trends for Tracy Ellis Ross. It's a form of self-expression and armor, an extension of her personality, and a way to communicate her moods and desires.

  Clothing is more than just covering up or following trends, it's a form of self-expression and armor for Tracy Ellis Ross. She shares a deep connection with fashion, having been drawn to it since her childhood. For her, clothing is an extension of her personality, a way to transform herself and express different aspects of her identity. She has used it as a shield against racism and microaggressions, and as she grew older, it became a creative outlet for her. Clothing is her way of wearing her insides on the outside and communicating her moods and desires. It's a language that she speaks fluently, and she encourages others to adopt a similar understanding of fashion as a means of self-expression and a way to embrace their unique beauty.

• Embracing Change and Finding Inspiration: Tracy's transformative experience with her mother's dress at 50 symbolizes the importance of embracing change, cherishing traditions, and finding inspiration in unexpected moments.

  Robert Half connects businesses with top talent in various fields using AI and recruitment professionals. Tracy's personal story showcases the significance of embracing change and finding inspiration in unexpected moments. In Tracy's case, wearing her mother's dress for her 50th birthday was a transformative experience that represented womanhood, self-confidence, and freedom. This event served as a lighthouse guiding her through life and gave her a new perspective after turning 50. Additionally, Tracy's story highlights the importance of cherishing traditions and the bond between mothers and daughters.

• Embracing Authenticity and Holding Space: Embrace your authentic self and hold space with compassion during difficult times for a fulfilling life.

  Being true to oneself and holding space with compassion and curiosity, even during difficult times, is essential for living an intentional and uncompromising life. Tracy, who turned 50, emphasized the importance of not abandoning oneself and sitting with one's emotions instead of giving them meaning that may lead to self-deprecation. She shared how she learned to identify and be only herself, acknowledging the pain and loneliness that comes with being anything other than authentic. Sissy admired Tracy's ability to be unapologetically herself and asked about her experiences with sadness and disappointment. Tracy shared that she experiences sadness frequently but tries to hold space with love and gentleness, recognizing that life is not always good but that it's essential to find joy in the little things. She also acknowledged that multiple emotions can coexist and that being productive and heartbroken can occur simultaneously. Ultimately, the key takeaway is that embracing one's authentic self and holding space with compassion during difficult times is crucial for living an intentional and fulfilling life.

• Embracing Self-Care and Joy: Self-care and understanding personal desires are essential for a fulfilling life. Embrace choices, find joy in simple pleasures, and hold onto oneself during tough times.

  Self-care and understanding one's own desires and happiness are crucial aspects of living a fulfilling life. The speaker in this conversation shares her experiences of being alone and the joy she finds in simple pleasures like dressing up, watching shows, and eating her favorite foods. She emphasizes the importance of embracing one's own choices and not comparing oneself to others. However, she also acknowledges the challenges of dealing with the aftermath of losses and the struggle to love oneself more than others. The conversation touches on the theme of self-discovery and the importance of holding onto oneself gently during difficult times. It's a reminder to prioritize our own happiness and well-being, even when it feels hard or uncertain.

• Embracing imperfect choices and societal expectations: It's okay to make choices that don't align with our knowledge or values, and to struggle with societal pressures. Embrace your unique experiences and ask the right questions. IXL Learning offers a practical solution for parents helping their children with homework.

  Sometimes we make choices that may not align with our knowledge or values, and that's okay. We all have moments of self-doubt and struggle with external pressures. Tracy's realization about telling her ex-boyfriend she was seeing someone else resonates with the idea that we don't always do better, even when we know we should. Meanwhile, the discussion about motherhood and creativity highlights the complexity of identity and societal expectations. We may feel drained or unable to fit into certain roles, but that doesn't diminish our sense of power and creativity. In essence, it's essential to ask the right questions and embrace our unique experiences, even when they don't fit neatly into societal norms. Additionally, the mention of IXL Learning offers a practical solution for parents who may feel helpless in assisting their children with homework. IXL is an effective learning program that covers various subjects and age groups, providing a valuable resource for parents and students alike.

• Societal constructs and gender identity: Societal limitations on gender identity prevent individuals from fully exploring creativity and potential. Gratitude for trans community, self-forgiveness, recognizing loved ones' wisdom, personal growth, and embracing freedom and individuality are keys to overcoming these limitations.

  The limitations placed on individuals based on societal constructs around gender identity is an unjust injustice that has prevented many from fully exploring and expressing their creativity and potential. The speaker expresses gratitude for the trans community and their role in expanding her understanding of gender and fertility, and encourages self-forgiveness for adhering to these limiting beliefs. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of recognizing the wisdom and guidance of loved ones and the power of personal growth and self-discovery. Ultimately, the speaker reflects on the importance of embracing one's freedom and individuality, regardless of societal expectations or limitations.

• Embrace Your Authentic Self: Focusing on unique qualities and being true to ourselves leads to self-acceptance and inner peace. Can't please everyone, so embrace your quirks and have supportive relationships.

  It's okay not to be everyone's cup of tea and that focusing on our unique qualities and being true to ourselves can lead to a greater sense of self-acceptance and inner peace. The speaker shares a personal story of feeling unlovable and trying to change herself to fit in, but ultimately discovering the importance of embracing her authentic self. She encourounters a friend who encourages her to make a list of things she likes about herself, helping her to see that her quirks and differences make her unique and valuable. The speaker also reflects on the idea that we can't please everyone and that trying to do so can lead to unnecessary discomfort and stress. By acknowledging and accepting ourselves as we are, we can cultivate a greater sense of self-love and confidence, and live our lives authentically. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of having supportive relationships and communities that allow us to be vulnerable and true to ourselves.

• The power of conversation and self-affirmation during challenging times: Embrace self-care and resilience during hardships, remember it's okay to face challenges, and find comfort in community and self-love.

  Learning from this podcast episode is the power of conversation and self-affirmation during challenging times. The speakers, Tracy Ellis Ross, Tish Melton, and Brandi Carlile, share their experiences of having both public and private conversations, emphasizing the importance of self-care and resilience. They encourage listeners to remind themselves that it's okay to face hardships and that they are not alone. The podcast, "We Can Do Hard Things," produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios, offers a reminder that we can all get through difficult times and come out stronger. The speakers' messages of self-love, perseverance, and the importance of community resonate deeply and offer comfort and encouragement to listeners. It's a reminder that we all have the strength to face our challenges and come out the other side.