Logo

    246 | Deep Friendships, Spiritual Authority & Becoming a Dangerous Dad (Lowell Seashore)

    enOctober 06, 2022
    What was the main topic of the podcast episode?
    Summarise the key points discussed in the episode?
    Were there any notable quotes or insights from the speakers?
    Which popular books were mentioned in this episode?
    Were there any points particularly controversial or thought-provoking discussed in the episode?
    Were any current events or trending topics addressed in the episode?

    About this Episode

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Fathers have spiritual authority to protect their families.
    • As a father, clean up your own sins.
    • Talk about sexuality in your home.
    • Men need friendships that have intimacy and vulnerability.
    • God, He does things.

     

    dadAWESOME

     

    We’re on a mission to add LIFE to the dad life. We’re passionate about helping dads live fully alive as they lead their kids to God’s awesomeness.  | YouTube Instagram | Facebook

     

    Lowell Seashore

     

    Lowell lives with his awesome and wonderful wife Susie, no kids of their own (but they have had 32 foster teenage boys) near Minneapolis, MN. His passion for coaching was developed as he coached varsity soccer for Orono High School for 14 years and then 3 years coaching a Nordic Combined skier in two Winter Olympics and one World Cup. Then he turned his coaching passion to young men to mentor them in how to live free from sin and bondage. He personally coaches, mentors, and disciples young men.

    He also loves Jeeping, hiking and generally playing in the mountains and spending as much time as possible at the world headquarters for DMU. (A cabin in the mountains of Colorado)

    He is personally submitted to Jesus Christ and committed to making disciples who become spiritual warriors for Christ.

     

    Key Quotes (Full Transcript of Conversation Here)

     

    • 09:51 - "I just pray. The best youth work ever did, I pray, they show up."
    • 14:33 - "After a while, I got real tired of wussy Christians. I mean, it's sad. We're all commanded to make disciples, and we do a really poor job of making disciples. We think it's, to me, it was like disciple making wasn't a list of things you have to learn about or a program. You know, if it was if I was going to make disciples, I had to share my life with them and they could see how I live and that's a bigger point."
    • 15:29 - "The most important thing I would love to tell fathers is that the spiritual authority that they have in the home is not to boss people around or be an authority like we think of it. Spiritual authority is to protect their family. If he's protected really well in that way he has a lot of spiritual authority to protect his children so that Satan doesn't have the legal rights to go add his kids through the father."

     

    Conversation Links

     

     

    Links from dadAWESOME

     

    Recent Episodes from DadAwesome

    320 | Overcoming Addiction, Discovering Wild Courage, and the Power of Testimony (Jeremy Morris: Part 1)

    320 | Overcoming Addiction, Discovering Wild Courage, and the Power of Testimony (Jeremy Morris: Part 1)

    Shame holds back many men from sharing their stories of redemption. Jeremy Morris once felt this. But he learned that the key to unlocking healing is to have the courage to be seen. In this episode, Jeremy shares his unfiltered testimony and demonstrates the power of vulnerability and wild courage. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Most men would rather go to the moon, climb Mount Everest, survive in the wilderness, or do other crazy things before being vulnerable. 
    • The key to unlocking healing is to have the courage to be seen. 
    • Are you using certain things to stuff down the unprocessed pain that’s trying to crawl up out of your soul? 
    • If God can forgive you, that is enough to carry on.

     

    Jeremy Morris

     

    Jeremy Morris is a husband and father of four living in Boise, Idaho. He co-founded Wild Courage, a ministry that equips men to tell the stories born in the redemption of lives and souls. In his free time, Jeremy enjoys coaching football, camping with his family, and managing his ranch. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 10:07 - "The most healing I've received, in a lot of areas, has been when I've had the courage to be vulnerable enough to share my deep, dark pain with someone and to be received with love back. Which, if you really knew me, there's no way you could like me, let alone love me. The courage part comes from us having the courage to be seen. Which, I think, God wired us to be seen and heard by others that we're in relationship with. Men will go to the moon, we'll climb Mount Everest, we'll jump off crazy things with parachutes, we'll ride bulls,  we'll survive in the wilderness. And we would rather do all of those things before being vulnerable. I've just found that it's the key to unlocking healing and to be what we're all created to be, which is to be seen and heard and not judged and loved where we're at in the mess of it all."
    • 36:23 - "They put me in jail and something in me changed in my prayer. I don't know how to explain it, other than I asked God, from one father to another father, please take this for me. The dad I'm going to be, I can't do this anymore. And He took it. I don't know if it was because I wasn't praying to get out of my circumstances anymore, which I think looking back, my prayers to Him were always to get me out of the mess that I created. But there was something about me pulling on to heaven, as a dad and crying out to a dad that I think was the difference and His perfect timing."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    319 | Expressing Love, Thriving as Yourself, and Advancing Fatherless Young Men (Chad Wallen)

    319 |  Expressing Love, Thriving as Yourself, and Advancing Fatherless Young Men (Chad Wallen)

    Chad Wallen helps teach fatherless young men practical tools that their dad could have taught them if he had been involved in their lives. It’s an active way of fighting against harrowing statistics and intervening in tangible, practical ways. Join us as Chad shares his thoughts on self-care, words of affirmation, and mentoring the next generation. 

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • You can’t be a good dad if you’re not a healthy version of yourself. 
    • Don’t make your wife translate your love to your children. 
    • Nationally, 75% of men incarcerated are from a fatherless home. 
    • What does it look like to mentor fatherless young men while providing opportunities to learn new skills, advance their careers, and build confidence?

     

    Chad Wallen

     

    Chad Wallen is a loving husband, foster parent, and dad to three girls and a son. He helped start Advance Camp in Oregon because he has such a huge heart for the fatherless. Now, Chad Wallen lives in the Dallas area and directs Advance Camp Texas. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 7:42 - "That was a hard thing to learn is finding that happy medium between taking care of yourself and finding you as a priority and taking care of your family and finding them as a priority, realizing you can't be 100% dad if you're not 100% you."
    • 17:52 - "My mom used to tell me all the time your dad loves you. He told me last night that he loves you and he's really proud of you. Well, I don't need my wife translating for me. These words need to come out of my mouth. And it's hard. Sometimes I have to pep talk myself but I know that's my role is to speak my words, not to have my wife speak my words for me. That's one thing I have constantly worked on with myself is making sure my words are my words and my wife is not my translator."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    318 | Choosing Connection, Using Your Hands for Love, and Creating a Fatherhood Vision (Zack Blair)

    318 | Choosing Connection, Using Your Hands for Love, and Creating a Fatherhood Vision (Zack Blair)

    For Zack Blair, walking in unconditional love is the foundation of joyful fatherhood. In this episode, he shares personal experiences and practical examples to show why connecting with your kids matters more than trying to be perfect. And ultimately, how it leads to a parenting approach grounded in thankfulness and love. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Walking in unconditional love is the source of joy and thankfulness. 
    • How can your children one day remember your heart if you are not intentional to connect with theirs? 
    • Use your hands to express love, not produce pain. 
    • You need other men in your corner—not just for you, but also for your kids.

     

    Zack Blair

     

    Zack Blair is an author and the founding pastor of Hill City Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He and his wife, Lauren, have been married for 17 years, have three children, and are foster parents. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 35:00 - "An apology, it goes so far with [your children]., Hey, dad's imperfect, but he's trying, and he's taking ownership in the areas that that he missed it. I tell my kids, I'm not going to be a perfect father. I'm going to do some things great. You're going to look back and you're going to say, man, that wasn't so great. Whatever we did great, carry it on. But whatever we didn't do great, fix it and keep on getting better."

    • 39:53 - "When you hold your child and you look at them and you feel the pain of, maybe I didn't receive this or I don't know that I received that unconditional love. In every man where we look back on our life with regret, that's an area that if we dig deep and we we allow the Lord to heal and we open up to the right people, that will change our family's trajectory forever. A lot of guys will get stuck in the normal things that society talks about to distract us, but there's a part of us that's unhealed. If we can focus on that part and with kindness and curiosity, just go there and ask the Lord, Lord,  when did I accept this lie? Or when did I develop this belief about myself? Or when did I experience this pain and God where were You in those moments? Even with help through counseling and and pastoral guidance, even when the Lord heals that it'll change everything and you will be set free to be the dad that you really want to be. So go there. Be brave enough to go there."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    317 | Memorizing Scripture, Cultivating Tenderness, and Intentional Parenting (Phil Comer)

    317 | Memorizing Scripture, Cultivating Tenderness, and Intentional Parenting (Phil Comer)

    Phil Comer wasn’t raised with a faith background. So when his first son was born, he knew he had to get radically intentional if he was going to raise children who walk with God. In this episode, Phil shares the habits that helped him develop his newfound faith as a young father and launch his grown children into the world with success. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Men are designed and commanded to be tenderhearted, kind warriors. 
    • No one can love their wife or be used by God as a father without the Holy Spirit. 
    • Memorized Scripture carries with you through life, enables you to do battle, and brings you joy. 
    • Even if all you do is quietly speak the Scripture out loud for several years, you will memorize it. 
    • It’s not what you say to your kids that instructs them; it’s what they see from you.

     

    Phil Comer

     

    Phil Comer is a husband, father, and grandfather with 40 years of pastoral and counseling experience. After planting a church in 2004, Phil and his wife, Diane, went on to launch Intentional Parents International. The ministry focuses on equipping young parents and providing focused teaching in the spiritual training of children. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 25:57 - "We need to teach this to our kids. We need to model it for our kids, and we need to realize that we need it. When it comes to the memorizing part, we're supposed to meditate on Scripture. Now, I can do that by reading it, but what about when I'm out on a walk and I don't have my Bible on me? Anything I do have, I'm able to bring back up and chew on. That's really what that verse means, that meditating is chewing on something and that's where God comes in."
    • 38:02 - "You can't be saying one thing and be living another. That will destroy your kids, and it will lead them away from Christ so quickly. If you are modeling a genuine, authentic faith, if you are a passionate Jesus follower, your kids will pick that up because values are caught more than they're taught. We always have to look at our life every day, am I getting more lukewarm? Am I losing my passion or am I growing in my passion? As long as we're the growing side of Christianity and the growing side of Jesus, our kids are going to pick it up."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    316 | Living Wholeheartedly, Honoring Your Wife’s Emotions, and Connecting Amid Dysregulation (Jay Vallotton)

    316 | Living Wholeheartedly, Honoring Your Wife’s Emotions, and Connecting Amid Dysregulation (Jay Vallotton)

    For Jay Vallotton, the turning point in his marriage was learning to connect with his wife through her emotions rather than trying to fix them. Now, Jason urges men to reconsider their approach to emotions, both in marriage and parenting. Tune in as he shares practical advice for repairing mistakes, handling dysregulation in a child, and approaching conversations with the end in mind.

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • To live wholeheartedly means addressing sin, being present, and fulfilling your God-given call instead of allowing fear to shrink you. 
    • Your wife needs to feel seen, known, and heard. 
    • Trust is not built through the absence of mistakes but by how you repair. 
    • The #1 conversation hack is to start with the end in mind. 
    • The right time to instruct and discipline is not when your child is emotionally dysregulated.

     

    Jay Vallotton

     

    Jay Vallotton is the founder of BraveCo, a member of the Senior Leadership Team at Bethel Church, and an overseer of the Bethel Transformation Center. He is passionate about helping people discover their God-given identity, find freedom, and walk out their true calling. Jason lives in Redding, California, with his wife, Lauren, and their five kids and daughter-in-law. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 3:48 - "One of the prayers that David prays is, God, search me, know me, reveal to me what's going on in my life. Which honestly, is such a scary, dangerous prayer. But on the other side, I think that in order to live wholeheartedly we do have to address those areas in our life that aren't whole, that have cracks or have a little bit of brokenness or doubt, and that's a very challenging thing to do. But what that really means is when I come home and my wife confronts me on something and I dismiss her feelings, I'm not living wholeheartedly. When I come home and my kids want to play and I don't want to be present, I'm actually not living wholeheartedly. The practical application of being. The things that you write on your heart, the things that you write on your wrist, the truth, God's truth.. You have to live those out in your day to day life. And there's accountability inside of that."
    • 17:05 - "Trust is not built through the absence of mistakes. Trust is built by how you clean up a mess. Your wife will trust you because she knows you can have a bad moment, you're going to go away, you're going to process through that in a healthy way and come back and give her what you wish you would've given her in the moment. That's more valuable than being able to nail it every time, because we innately know no one's going to nail it every time. But what we don't know is, I trust that you're going to come back and repair what has been damaged. If you can repair what you are messing up, you're adding so much more value than just trying to get it right, perfectly or expecting yourself to. You're not and your wife's not, more importantly, your whole environment, isn't. So, your kids are going to watch you do this process. Your wife's going to watch you do this process, and they're going to follow in this ecosystem that it's okay to fail. It's not okay to hurt each other but it's okay to fail because we can go back and clean up a mess."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    315 | Being Abducted as a Family, Exchanging Fear for Love, and the Signs of False Identity (Jamie Winship: Part 2)

    315 | Being Abducted as a Family, Exchanging Fear for Love, and the Signs of False Identity  (Jamie Winship: Part 2)

    Would you show love to a masked gunman who abducted you and your family? For Jamie Winship, the answer was yes. As he shares the details of this frightening experience, Jamie will inspire you to exchange fear for love as you seek God’s true identity for you. 

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Being in your true identity makes you more relational, take risks, and face reality. 
    • The enemy is always in the hypothetical future, but God is in the present. 
    • To identify false identities, ask God, “What are the things I believe about myself that hurt me?”
    • Your true identity in God will be others-focused, self-emptying, and characterized by unconditional love for your enemies.

     

    Jamie Winship

     

    Jamie Winship is known for bringing peaceful solutions to some of the world’s highest conflict areas. His work in law enforcement and education led his family around the world, including South Asia and the Middle East. Jamie and his wife, Donna, are co-founders of Identity Exchange and have three adult sons.

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 11:26 - "When you watch Jesus, Jesus never runs anywhere. He's never in a hurry. He's never freaked out. He not dramatic. He is intense. Like when He throws over the tables, but it's so tactically smart what He's doing, it's so well thought out. He's not just dramatically reacting to drama. So never participate, the enemy loves drama. The enemy loves drama because drama goes out of control.
    • 15:36 - "You're in constant conflict. Either inside yourself or with people around you. Those are the signs of the false self. It's self-protection. Self-promotion. Separation is a sign of the false self. The false self will always move in separation, never in connection with others. It'll constantly separate out. The soul that sinneth, the soul that separates it will die. It's not about you did a bad thing, God's going to kill you. It's like human beings were made to live in connection with others and God. And when we separate it, it basically destroys us. Those are the symbols, the signs of the false self. But deeper than that, this is the exercise I would suggest is just sit alone with God and just breathe and relax and try and settle down and just say, God, search me right now. And would You help me to be able to say the things that I believe about myself that hurt me? What are the things I believe about myself that hurt me? And and just let them come to your mind."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    314 | Tackling Fear in a War Zone, Modeling Courage, and Embracing Your True Identity (Jamie Winship: Part 1)

    314 | Tackling Fear in a War Zone, Modeling Courage, and Embracing Your True Identity (Jamie Winship: Part 1)

    Jamie Winship is no stranger to conflict. From working as a police officer to living in international war zones, he learned how to tackle fear with faith—and he modeled it for his children, too. In this episode, Jamie details some of the dangerous situations his family faced as they followed God’s calling. Plus, he’ll inspire you to hang onto joy, even when fear tries to swallow you whole.  

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • When living in a high-conflict area—whether a warzone or your home—you have to gamify preparedness with joy instead of fear. 
    • There are times when you may need to pray to be invisible. 
    • If you’re afraid to fail, you won’t be able to model courage in front of other people. 
    • God cannot invite you into greater challenges in the future if your only goal is self-protection and self-promotion. 
    • The greatest gift you can give your kids is the truth of who you are.

     

    Jamie Winship

     

    Jamie Winship is known for bringing peaceful solutions to some of the world’s highest conflict areas. His work in law enforcement and education led his family around the world, including South Asia and the Middle East. Jamie and his wife, Donna, are co-founders of Identity Exchange and have three adult sons. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 20:13 - "Only the fear of falling and loud noises is is innate in us, but all other fear is learned.  I want to say to your listeners, what are you afraid of? That's the most important question, what am I afraid of? And this is a daily question. It's not a one off. It's even incident into incident. Why am I afraid right now? Fear is beautiful because it's a warner, it's a flashing warning light. It's an invitation to transformation. It's an invitation to a conversation that leads to transformation. God, why am I afraid right now? What am I afraid of?"
    • 21:34 - "God wants me to know I can protect you in any situation. Though a thousand fall on my right and 10,000 fall on my left, yet will I stand? God says, I want you to know that I can protect you in this kind of situation. How would I know that? By staying. By staying. Why would you want me to know that? Because in the future are greater challenges than this that I want to invite you into, But I can't invite you into them, if the goal of your life is self-protection and self-promotion. Because that's how fear works. And if your goal is self-protection and self-promotion, it will become the goal of your kids. Let's teach them other than that worldview."
    • 29:39 - "External conflict produced by internal conflict, produced by fear, produced by false identity. What's the shift? The shift is not in, stop the war, bring financial aid, change religions. None of that stuff has ever worked. It's a transformation of the human heart, which the whole Bible is telling us. And we're looking for some other solution. Spiritual transformation in your own heart. You're living in a false identity. It's a shift into the true identity, which can only be known in Christ. Shift into true identity moves you into courage. It encourages you, which moves you into internal peace, which makes you able to create external peace."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    313 | Becoming a Praying Dad, Seeking Friendship First, and Exchanging Wishes with God (Ryan Skoog)

    313 | Becoming a Praying Dad, Seeking Friendship First, and Exchanging Wishes with God (Ryan Skoog)

    After studying the prayer lives of extraordinary leaders around the world, Ryan Skoogs began to identify patterns. These patterns shifted not only the heart and mind of the leader but also the culture around them—in their home, organization, and beyond. As the leader of your home, you must create a culture of prayer that starts with you. In this episode, Ryan shares the practical steps to do just that. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • Be willing to “waste time” with God. 
    • To start an intentional prayer life, just walk and talk with the Lord. 
    • Twenty minutes of prayer to Jesus each day for eight weeks will change your brain chemistry in ways that are visible on a brain scan. 
    • Where is prayer a line item in your organization’s (or family’s) budget? 
    • Don’t discount the little opportunities where you can be quick to pray.

     

    Ryan Skoog

     

    Ryan Skoog is an entrepreneur, ministry leader, author, world traveler, and adventure dad. He is co-founder and president of VENTURE, a church-planting and community development nonprofit that works in the toughest places of the world, serving war refugees, trafficked people, oppressed children, and the unreached. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 30:06 - "20 minutes of prayer a day, for eight weeks, will change your brain neurons and chemistry so much that you can tell on a brain scan. There's an agnostic neuroscientist that started just measuring prayer and it had to be prayer to Jesus. It wasn't just meditation and mindfulness, sand is soft, no, it is God is love. God is gracious, that kind of focus and prayer. It can change your brain scan so it fires all the parts that are amazing."
    • 39:26 - "Don't discount the little moments throughout the day of stopping and acknowledging God. A kid has a test, let's stop and pray. We have a phrase around here, we want to be quick to pray. I think in creating a culture in your family, being quick to pray about little things quickly, oh, hey, let's pray about that. And then taking 20 seconds to pray about it and making that normal in your family, making that normal that we just talked to God throughout the day has just been a really, really helpful culture."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    312 | Staying Wild, Carrying Only the Essentials, and Chasing After Life (Tim Bohlke)

    312 | Staying Wild, Carrying Only the Essentials, and Chasing After Life (Tim Bohlke)

    In the midst of a chaotic world, fathers need to know how to stay grounded, steady, and wild. Tim Bohlke brings years of wisdom and experience to equip dads to do just that. Through real-life examples and a spirit of encouragement, Tim unveils new ways to embrace joy, balance, and remembrance of what God has done. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • The cumulative effect of carrying too much weight will break you down.
    • Avoid isolation by inviting others in, asking for input, and allowing people to be honest with you.
    • The key to being aware and alert to what God is doing today is remembering what he has done in the past. 
    • Fight for the people, places, and experiences that bring you life.

     

    Tim Bohlke

     

    Founder and director of Harbor Ministries, Tim Bohlke has spent three decades investing in leaders and helping forge a new path that will serve leaders, their families, and their organizations well. He is a husband, father, grandfather, author, coach, and more. 

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 14:05 - "That is the imagery that people all have strength waiting, as the difference making leaders have figured out that idea of harbor as it connects to mission. And no matter how critical your mission is, you got to have time in a harbor to resource, restore and get yourself ready."
    • 29:27 - "When we remember what God's done, that's one of the values of quieting down, seeking solitude, is that only then do you take the time and find the time to really process and remember the ways God showed up in our story. That's what brings strength. And that's what brings courage and reminds us God is a God of promises, that He does show up and He will not only then, but going forward as well."

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME

     

     

    311 | Managing Triggers, Providing a Secure Beginning, and The North Stars of Parenting (Dr. Dan Allender)

    311 | Managing Triggers, Providing a Secure Beginning, and The North Stars of Parenting (Dr. Dan Allender)

    The way you parent stems from how you were parented. That’s why understanding the stories and trauma of your past is essential if you want to provide a secure beginning for your children. In this episode, Dr. Dan Allender offers expert advice to help you own the past, share your stories with others, and find beauty along the parenting journey. 

     

     

    Key Takeaways

     

    • A child has a secure beginning if they have attunement, containment, and a parent who can repair ruptures. 
    • The level of failure in parenting is higher than in marriage, friendships, or work. 
    • When you’re triggered, take a 90-second pause to decrease emotional flooding. 
    • There are two great callings in life that you must hold together at the same time: to grow in intimacy and to grow in independence. 
    • Write down your thoughts and then share them with your wife, a group of men, and a story guide, such as a therapist or pastor.

     

    Dr. Dan Allender

     

    Dr. Dan Allender is an author, professor, and co-founder of The Allender Center and The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. With a unique approach to trauma and abuse therapy, he presents on topics such as sexual abuse recovery, intimacy, marriage, and more. Dan and his wife, Becky, enjoy spending time with their three adult children and their grandchildren.

     

    Key Quotes

     

    • 4:58 - "It's really a sweet gift to be able to see our children parent in a way in which they have truly learned from our mistakes, and yet they've also developed their own way of being in the world. Having adult children, one of the realities that dawns on me virtually every year and that is you're never done. Some of the most complicated days are with adult children. And yet our children love us, and yet they are pretty clear and vocal about where they have felt like we have not done well, past and present, and with a deep invitation, with honor and forgiveness, but to grow. That's one of the things I would say it's just such a life giving presence when your children are taking in your life and growing, but when they have the ability to return that, to invite you to grow, that even with younger children has a level of mutuality that often [doesn't] get talked about in the parenting process."
    • 37:36 - "The reality is, we live in a sinful world and a broken world as already with a proclivity to our own false independence. So, our task, is in some sense, to parent in a way that accentuates the giftedness, while also helping a child name and engage the parts of their own world that don't come as quickly or naturally.

     

    Links from Today’s Conversation

     

     

    Connect with dadAWESOME