313: Dr. Lisle & Nate: Why are people snobby? Why doesn't my spouse want to improve their health? Can you sleep train an infant? Single by choice but lonely

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld

Today's question: 

Is psychology doomed to remain a pseudoscience based on the crowd of people who self select to go into psychology? Im a university student and it from what i can tell, the vast majority of my peers and lecturers have no interest questions like why are we this way, how did we get here? Could it have happened any other way? Instead they are mainly just interested in having self serving theory that make them feel comfortable. With one of my lecturers, i was having a conversation about Norway's adoption studies showing that adopted children had their income, criminality and income correlated with their biological parents and not their adoptive parents. My lecturer said to me “i wouldn’t want to live in a world where genes are all that matter”. It feels to me that the major obstacle to psychology is the 90% of psychologists who think this way, and that no matter how solid the arguments from the other side will be, they will just keep thinking what makes them comfortable and call it a “scientific consensus”.

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Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD & social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD  discuss the following situation with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

I cheated on my husband three years ago while traveling for work.  It was a one-night stand and we didn't exchange numbers or keep in contact.  I don't even know his last name.  Until last month, I've never told anyone about this event.  At the time I cheated, I didn't really care because my marriage was rocky and I felt unappreciated.  But my huusband and I reconnected during quarantine and I started to feel extremely guilty.  Last month, I thought I would try going to confession with my parish priest. He said I need to tell my husband as part of my penance.  I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I've sat on it.  Last weekend, I came home to my husband throwing all of my stuff out of the bedroom and trying to kick me out of the hoouse. He knows everything. Apparently, the priest followed up to see if I'd told my husband, and when my husband said he didn't understand what the priest was talking about, he told my husband about the affair.  My whole world is exploding because I thought confession was supposed to be private. Does the priest have any kind of liability or responsibility? What can I do?

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Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1. Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support.

2. Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doing a CB analysis of the possibility of success and whether the energy output is worth it, but the people around you are saying that you won't succeed?

3. I have an aunt who is so solipsistic, doesn't enquire about anyone else and is disagreeable. Sitting across the table from her, it's difficult to understand how someone can be so blind to the life of others and narcissistic. She's was divorced by 2 prior husbands. Is disagreeable behavior like this related to the "theory of mind" module and if so can you describe the various demarks on the "theory of mind" bell curve?

Follow us:

YT: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta:

@Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD  discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

1.  I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem.

2. Dear doctors, I grew up in a Christian home but stopped going to church once I left home. All of my immediate family are still very religious and my parents financially support someone who was my best friend in high school, who has become a missionary. I find that dynamic very unfair and recently told both parties that I feel boundaries have been crossed. My friend asked my parents to stop supporting her but they refused. I feel betrayed by my parents. How do you advise I deal with the relationship moving forward? I’ve already ended my friendship but wish I could be emotionally closer to my parents.

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. 

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. 

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1.  Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)

2. You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes?

3. I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry for our friend, I would like to keep a distance from this situation. Last time we saw her my husband offered to pay for a lawyer, and an accountant. While we live comfortably, we do not have the money this woman would need to become unentangled. When we got home I started yelling that my husband should not have made this offer because we really cannot afford it and I don't want her criminal ex husband knowing that we are helping her. While my cavewoman instinct was to protect my financial stability, I found it more effective to (over)emphasize the physical threat this could have on me since my husband travels a lot and her ex knows where we live. The fight escalated as my husband accused me of being selfish, uncharitable, and unwilling to help. I said that my time and energy go into taking care of my home and our family. We have already given this friend money and our time over the years. From an Evo-psych point of view, I understand that I feel a threat to my resources (financially and emotionally) as well as safety. My husband does not see this situation at all like I do. Shouldn't a cave-man have the instinct to primarily care for his family (only) and not spread their resources to another man's family??  Sidenote: while my son likes her kids, I would like to avoid any possible bad influence as one is already dabbling with marijuana. So, threat to offspring is another concern... Please offer any insight you have.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

Watch this episode on Youtube!   @BeatYourGenes

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. I have a friend who is very active in fighting for workers' rights. In fact he has a high level job in one of my country's major trade unions. He often organises protests, and is always the first person on the frontline with the megaphone. On a personal level, he is quite overweight, and I know for a fact does not help out much at home with housework and childcare. I used to think that social activists and social justice warriors were high conscientious types. But now I'm wondering if it is actually a mixture of disagreeableness and extraversion. Are people like Rosa Parks and Greta Thunberg, who we hold up as icons, conscientious or disagreeable, or a mixture of both?

2.  I am a woman in my 30s and I struggle with severe social anxiety and it seems like no matter what I do I can't get better. I'm terrified of wasting any more of my life due to my fears and avoidance behaviors. It's even difficult for me to hold down a job long term because of how hard it is for me to perform in front of others all day. My love life is nonexistent and I don't know how to make friends. What is social anxiety exactly? Is it that I've been stuck in the ego trap for years because I fear status loss? How can I overcome this? I tell myself I have no status to lose but it doesn't help. I get so anxious at times I even dissociate. Counselors just tell me to push through it. Doctors just try to put me on medications. I am tired of being crippled with fear every day and watching my days pass me by. I know the life I want isn't going to come to me while I'm hiding at home. I want to have a life that is meaningful to me but I don't know what to do.

3. I've been with my husband for 5 years. When I am with him I feel so in love, we have lots of good sex, we talk about the future. To me, he's gorgeous. He can't believe how much I enjoy his natural scent. But something happens when he isn't around. I start doubting everything about our relationship, thinking it's going nowhere, that I married the wrong person. Some of my thoughts are we're broke, he's 15 years older than me, I settled down too soon. It feels like I hate him and that he robbed me of my future. Why is this happening? I can't understand how I can feel so in love and then feel so ambivalent.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener question:

Why do people love formulaic media and entertainment? Most of the pop music that dominates the charts is nearly identical. It uses the same four chords in the same progression with similar melodies and lyrical themes. Most of the blockbuster films that gross massive amounts of money tell variations on the same story with similar effects, music, and actors. This seems even more pronounced in the era when massive franchises like Marvel and Star Wars reboot and re-hash the same stories/characters over and over… and over. Even content on TikTok or instagram tends to be made from a formula— the influencers tend to look the same, use the same music, and say/do the same things. Whether in music, film, TV, or social media, we seem to be stuck in a rut where very little “original” art rises to the surface.  I know there is a pleasure trap aspect to this, but I am curious why the majority of our human brains find this type of content so appealing to begin with. Why do we seem to get so much enjoyment from reliving the same experiences? Why do we find these particular types of media so fascinating?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, and Nathan Gershfeld, DC discuss the following listener questions:

1.  I am curious about the work of David Sinclair from Harvard about his anti-aging research. He makes some pretty fantastic claims. He does, for example, advocate for a plant-based diet, but then talks quite a bit about supplements, including prescription drugs like Metformin. I also heard him say that although plant-based diets are good, we must avoid foods that spike blood sugars - like rice and grapes. Aren't those whole foods? Grapes, really? What do they think of Dr. Sinclair's work...work considering or majoring in minor things?
2. I’m on the highest end of a healthy weight range even on a whole natural foods diet composed of fruits vegetables whole grains and legumes, with at most 1 avocado per week and 1 tsp of flaxseed per day. No nuts or seeds. I’ve lost weight before by restricting and over exercising, but I couldn’t maintain it. However I felt much more confident at this lower weight (about 10-15 lbs thinner than I am now). As women there’s a lot of pressure to be thin. How do I get over my desire to be thin? Is this something I can ever get over? I think about it every day and am tired of thinking about this.
3. Is the thicker persons' metabolism or spontaneous recovery different from the genetically skinny person? i.e. if your genetics figured out your survival success by having you eat more, weigh more and get more resources, won't your body be genetically predisposed to continue those successful survival instincts that helped in your survival before?
4. I’m having difficulty distinguishing the difference between eating intermediately to grit myself through the extinction curve of a condition cram circuit and eating under the hunger drive. How do I know if I’m eating intermediately or eating under the hunger drive when I got through this process ? Is there like a rule of thumb you would suggest we follow e.g 1 plate of food then nothing for a couple of hours??

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld, DC                           

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Fasting Supervision:  www.FastingEscape.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

1. If I am understanding what you have said in the past about decision making and free will, the main thing that changes/influences our behavior is new information. So, we really don't have "free will" in our decision making like we think? If this is true, does it mean that -- if we want to have more control or positive results in our decision making -- rather than "trying harder" or "thinking more clearly" we should fastidiously study the situation and accumulate the most information possible. Then we kind of sit back and see what our computer-brain-cost/benefit/analyzer ultimately decides -- even though we like to think WE are making the decision? Maybe I have this wrong. Can you elaborate?

2. I love learning about evolutionary psychology because everything makes so much sense. However, this knowledge often makes me sad because I now realize how many things I can't change, specifically I can't make my disagreeable husband nicer. Do the doctors ever feel this way? Any tips for not feeling defeated?

3. Generally advice givers tend to give big picture advice. However, from listening to the doctors I see much more attention paid to the little minute to minute and hour to hour processes of any meaningful goal. For example, the whole concept of running experiments is to change conditions at the granular level to see if they result in a meaningful difference in affect that supports the general direction someone wants to move in. Why is it that people tend to ignore the small details of change? Is it because they are not very interesting I.e they don’t really sell books?

4. Which political system is best aligned with human nature? And if we could click our fingers and make it happen, what would that look like in reality?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

Social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following topics:

1. I loved your last podcast about Buddhism and other perspectives in psychology. I'd love to hear more of your perspectives on spirituality such as how you would describe the personality profiles of popular gurus Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle. They both claim to have been in close to catatonic states of misery/depression, suicidal and then overnight, woke up enlightened. If it's not enlightenment, what are they experiencing? I'd also like to hear your views on other personality profiles such as influencers who end up being con artist and other weird, modern day criminals.
2. Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)
3. I am curious how you would define a “sentient” organism. Does sentience even exist? If we are simply a system of electrical signals that indicates our next action based on a pre-programmed reward/punishment function, then are we truly more “sentient” than the AI personalities currently being built by OpenAI and Google, etc? How and where do we draw the line between an organism or machine that is sentient and one that is not? Do you think this should any implications for the construction and ownership of AI personalities and computer-based neural networks?

    

    

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus