46 - Who I am Becoming

Cindy Esliger talks about the pivotal role asking open-ended questions and keenly listening to the answers plays, not just in effective communication, but in navigating office politics. Why should we learn to listen better and why would we want to keep colleagues talking? As Cindy points out, learning more about people’s views and motives leads to understanding what drives them and being able to connect.  

Cultivating active listening skills is how we elevate our communication strategies. Active listening is not just hearing the words being said but involves a genuine effort to understand the speaker’s perspective and message. Coupled with reflective listening, summarizing what was said to ensure you understand, this is a powerful tool for improving office politics. Cindy explains all the nuances of engagement, including focus and body language, that improve our listening.

There is so much more to listening than simply not talking. Cindy lays out all the tools at our disposal, all the ways in which we can school ourselves to listen openly, ask open questions, reflect the speaker’s words to ensure understanding, and move the listening into a collaborative conversation. She narrows in on how to teach ourselves to modulate our voice and tone while also interpreting the tone others use and picking up subtle communication cues that allow deeper insight into a colleague’s stance. These are the ways in which we make progress through office dynamics and form valuable connections to aid in our growth.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Becoming A Better Listener
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

In this episode, Cindy Esliger talks about the pivotal role feedback plays in professional growth. However, while constructive feedback is important, it’s equally important to learn how to navigate the critiques and understand who is offering the feedback. Not everyone will have our best interests at heart, so how can we learn to be more self-reliant and critical in assessing feedback?  

The mutual exchange of constructive feedback is key to innovation and collaboration in the workplace. It lays the groundwork for growth and success. The challenge lies in distinguishing between well-intentioned feedback and feedback that has ulterior motives behind it. Cindy discusses the importance of trusting our instincts and learning not to constantly need external validation to make our decisions.

When we receive unwarranted negative criticism, it’s key not to internalize that negativity. Cindy shares five tips for navigating harmful criticism: 1. Pause and reflect, 2. Seek clarification, 3. Focus on the constructive elements, 4. Engage trusted advisors, and 5. Learn to disregard. She elaborates on how to put these tips into action and discusses how to develop a strong positive self-image, one that bolsters confidence. Learn how to seek and respond to the right feedback with Cindy.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Considering the Source
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Cindy Esliger talks about the work that still needs to be done by women to improve their experiences in the workplace. Though workplaces have evolved and strides have been made, things are changing very slowly so for true change to happen, women need to focus energy on what is within their control. What behaviors and attitudes will positively impact what is experienced at work? 

The road to change is not a comfortable one. Shifting your mindset involves looking inward to acknowledge the internal work that must be done to affect external issues. However, Cindy stresses that the long-term benefits will be worthwhile. She also identifies five ways to improve your experience at work: 1) Assessing your mindset, 2) Owning your achievements, 3) Setting boundaries, 4) Embracing challenges, and 5) Advocating for yourself.

As Cindy goes through each of the five points, she explores how positive influences are required, stresses that you need to stop downplaying your accomplishments and experience, and examines how a change in perspective about setbacks and challenges will result in growth. The work everyone needs to do internally holds the power to change workplace experiences. Cindy illustrates how changing mindsets will shape professional encounters for the better and pave the way for greater success.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to The Work Still To Be Done
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective
• Carol Dweck, PhD

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Cindy Esliger tackles the issue of negotiation in this episode. Negotiation is a part of life, it’s a skill we all engage in and one which allows us to navigate through different perspectives to reach mutually satisfying agreements. But there is a disconnect between the way men and women view negotiations in professional capacities and many of us lack negotiation skills. How can we learn the art of negotiation?

Negotiation involves a multitude of different views and skills. Confidence becomes of paramount importance to successful negotiations and part of that confidence can come from understanding the nuances of communication styles. We need to learn to break free of societal expectations, the fear of being demanding, and our innate struggle to assert our needs. Cindy shares how to prepare for negotiations in mindset and willingness to collaborate. 

Cindy also has three steps on how to deal with dirty tricks during a negotiation: 1. Recognize the tactic, 2. Raise the issue, and 3. Question the legitimacy and desirability of the tactic. While she breaks down each of these steps, she reiterates the best way to approach a negotiation and how to keep our calm and maintain emotional control throughout. Navigating negotiations takes practice, but with advice, Cindy makes it achievable.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Taming Tough Negotiations
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Cindy Esliger talks about the cost of attempting to succeed in our chosen professions. Women in male-dominated fields feel this especially acutely because visible ambitions can negatively impact the speed of a woman’s advancement. We become hesitant to set lofty goals or pursue what we want in order to make others feel less threatened. But that costs us. And the price is too high. 

There are so many things we do to fit in, find approval or not impact the status quo that take a toll on our careers and ambitions. Things like resistance to change once we’ve established security in our role. The inclination to be everything to everyone, thus burning ourselves out. Allowing others to dictate our opportunities to avoid conflict or discomfort. These behaviors may seem easier in the moment but they cost us career satisfaction, personal growth, and upward trajectories. 

 Cindy’s advice, in part, is to “get comfortable with making other people uncomfortable”. We need to start vocalizing our career aspirations and desire for new challenges. We need to stop accepting subpar compensation. The direction Cindy urges us to take is one of self-confidence and internal validation. External validation keeps us trapped. The reasons for breaking free of the manipulations of others are many, especially in the professional world. It’s time we examined the true cost of giving in for the sake of ease.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Determining What's At Stake
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Cindy Esliger talks about our conscious and sometimes unconscious tendencies to self-sabotage our own success. When we begin engaging in things that hinder our success, such as procrastination, lack of confidence, or self-doubt, we tend to behave in ways that support those feelings and prevent us from succeeding. Why is this? And how do we break out of the cycle of reinforcing our doubt through self-sabotage? 

We first need to take responsibility for the self-sabotaging behaviors. We need to acknowledge and identify the specific things contributing to our self-sabotage. We need to learn how to advocate for ourselves and create a strong support system around us. Who are the people encouraging our personal growth and who are toxic and reinforcing self-sabotaging thoughts? Cindy explains why addressing behavior and beliefs is so vital to growth. 

 Cindy also details six things we commonly do to sabotage our success: 1. Focus on the past, 2. Focus on what we don’t have, 3. Compare ourselves to others, 4. Focus on things we can’t control, 5. Get discouraged, and 6. Get distracted. Cindy gets into detail about these habits and how we can recognize and disrupt them. She offers real insight into the mindset changes we need to embrace to break free of self-sabotage and increase our personal success.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Cindy Esliger addresses navigating life authentically in this episode. Being unapologetically ourselves is difficult when we crave acceptance and learn to conform or apologize for our natural selves. But living life being dimmed down by social expectations doesn’t allow us to live free from the weight of the other’s opinions. So just how do we start to live unapologetically? 

There is often negative backlash surrounding those who live unapologetically. Labels like “selfish” or “arrogant” get applied. While it is important that authenticity co-exist with respect for others, that’s not the same as trying to please everyone and tamping down our self-expression to suit everyone’s needs but our own. Cindy states five ways that being ourselves improves our lives: 1. We get braver, 2. We live according to our own rules, 3. We realize how toxic people can be, 4. We’re no longer trying to impress everyone, and 5. It becomes harder for people to bring us down.

Real satisfaction comes from impressing our toughest critics: ourselves. When we live authentically, we are empowered to care less about the opinions of others. Cindy offers a four-step process for becoming unapologetically ourselves: 1. Embrace the real us, 2. Stop apologizing for who we are, 3. Set healthy limits, and 4. Tackle our fears. She explores each step in detail and explains the power of boundaries, communication, and honing the art of respectful confidence. Join Cindy to learn how to be unapologetically individual.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Being Unapologetically You
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

In this episode, Cindy Esliger talks about how the natural human tendency to compare ourselves to others can become a trap. Comparison can be a helpful guide but these days it has become a way to diminish ourselves and something of a harmful habit. So how can we identify it and break the cycle? 

Comparison isn’t limited to quick moments of self-judgement. It can become a shadow hanging over every aspect of our lives, a deep psychological phenomenon that damages relationships, self-confidence, and mental well-being. Social media and constant access to the carefully curated lives of others have spiked comparison that turns into diminishing ourselves. Cindy explains how we need to understand that it’s happening and offers ways to counter it.

Cindy shares information about the links between negative self-talk and stress, anxiety and depression. Comparison can be at the root of this. So she offers eight practical tips for rewriting the self-sabotaging narrative to focus on our unique journey: 1. Practice gratitude, 2. Name your inner critic, 3. Be your own best friend, 4. Unlock the power of contentment, 5. Keep a record of achievements, 6. Celebrate other people, 7. Keep the comparison within, and 8. Look, notice, appreciate. Join Cindy as she lays out a plan to free us from diminishment.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Stop Diminishing Your Work
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

In this episode, Cindy Esliger talks about setting goals, both short and long-term, and the necessity of also having a plan for achieving them. January is a time when we traditionally make resolutions that we often fail to keep. We don’t want career goals to be the same. So how can we set goals and not give them up along the way? 

It’s important to note that goals don’t have to be set on January first. We can set goals any time we like, at the start of June or on a random Tuesday. What’s important is having a starting point so we can then plan a strategy. Cindy shares five tricks to help us develop effective strategies for goal setting and achievement: 1. Find our why, 2. Visualize the future, 3. Make the process of change more attractive, 4. Understand the power of emotions, and 5. Applaud our efforts. 

Cindy unpacks each of those five tricks to reveal roadblocks we encounter and ways to combat procrastination. She talks about setting realistic timelines, letting go of perfectionism, and maintaining new daily habits that help us progress. Her advice will shed light on why goals are so important to set, but why having a solid strategic plan for achieving them is possibly even more important.  

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Achieving Great Things
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

In this episode, Cindy Esliger explains the idea of solving for happiness. Solving for happiness as a concept has gained increasing attention in recent years. It involves identifying factors that contribute to our well-being and taking action to cultivate more of these things in our daily lives. Cindy shares how to go about ensuring this happiness. 

We spend a significant portion of our lives at work or working so the quality of our professional lives can have an impact on our overall happiness. In the stress and challenge of the work environment, it gets hard to remain positive. But if we’re happy at work, we’ll experience improved health and performance. We will never be happy every single moment at work, that’s not realistic, but it’s important to identify all the factors, not just pay, that contribute to our happiness and ensure they’re present.

Cindy identifies all the factors that can affect job satisfaction, positively and negatively, and encourages us to assess our workplaces to ensure they are aligned with our values. Happiness is largely something cultivated within which is why solving for happiness involves self-assessment and intentionally promoting the things that fulfill us. Cindy offers six tips for creating happiness in our careers and reminds us to take charge of our own happiness.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Solving For Happiness
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email