59. Quell Your Fear of Dementia

Wendy Valentine says her mess is her message. Six years ago, at age 45, she had a midlife meltdown. She was in debt, unemployeed, going through a divorce, grieving the death of her brother, suffering from anxiety and chronic illness, and emotionally paralyzed. Today, Wendy is financially and emotionally liberated. She's enjoying her life traveling across the country in an RV, living part-time on the Portuguese island of Madeira, and spreading the message that you can survive the midlife madness and come out the other side better than ever. On today's epsisode, Wendy and I talk about the techniques she employed to dig herself out of her depression, turn her financial situation around, and create the kind of life she was craving for herself. 

We also discuss:

• How Wendy overcame loneliness and learned to fall back in love with herself
• How she let go of most of her material possessions, moving from a 5,000-square-foot house into a 150-square-foot RV
• Why learning how to play again is crucial to aging well
• Why your life's purpose may not be what you think it is
• the difference between happiness and fulfillment—and why you should be seeking one more than the other
• How you know when something isn't right for you—and let it go
• (*my personal favorite) Why Wendy leaves her finished journals in airports for strangers to pick up!

Wendy's message: I did it, so you can too. You can savor life instead of sleepwalking through it. You can become your own best friend and enjoy every drop of this beautiful life. This inspiring conversation is one you don't want to miss! Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

Life lessons from podcasting? You better believe it! At the start of this fourth season of the More Beautiful Podcast, Maryann reflects on the valuable lessons she's learned from her podcasting journey so far. These tips will pump you up and set you in motion for the rest of your day, your week or even your year. They will hopefully ignite a spark and nudge you in a direction you've been yearning to move toward. And they're loaded with fun tidbits, from the story of how Maryann's father-in-law got his first acting gig (alongside Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman!) in his 80s, to tips on how to get out of your comfort zone, embrace your life's passions and find your bold in midlife! Full show notes and bonus content available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

Midlife, menopause and music. Is this the new trifecta for women over 40?

Lovely people, you are in for a treat, because this is a special two-for-one episode just for you.

Here I was, thinking this was going to be a solo show filled with my musings about the loss of our common culture. And then guess what? A lovely woman named Monique Cupid, who just so happens to be doing work in the midlife space, won More Beautiful's "Name that '80s Song" contest and a walk-on interview on the podcast. Monique is founder of The Midlife Glow Chaser and co-founder of Life in the Pause, a movement and festival aimed at women who are embracing their second act. So you can imagine how much Monique and I had to chat about. We started off talking about her exemplary song-recognition skills, reminiscing about those always-in-our-hearts '80s tunes that marked our youth, and exchanging notes about the music we're digging right now. Then, we touched on a bit of neurological research that's always intrigued me: how the songs we listened to during adolescence will always elicit within us a strong emotional response, for better or worse. After confirming that music will always play an important part in our lives, we segued into the topic of midlife, the work Monique is doing to help women see the wonderful side of aging, and why she actually feels giddy thinking about the menopause transition.

Before my banter with the lovely Monique, I do a little solo ruminating about a related topic. Lately I've been waxing nostalgic about how our generation was probably the very last to experience a monoculture—a shared pop culture that unites our generation. This common culture is what enables most Gen Xers, for example, to sing along together to the biggest hits of the '80s, or recite lines from our generation’s most memorable films. This is something subsequent generations will know less and less about. In this AirPods Age, we are having fewer communal cultural experiences. How we consume music and films and television and books has changed drastically. These days, we’re all plugged into our individual realities and curating our own media experiences. We're listening to our own playlists, and selecting our own television shows and news and articles and films and books from a much larger pool of content than ever before.

What does this mean for subsequent generations? What does this mean for humankind? Is there any glimmer of hope as the monoculture becomes a thing of the past? Will we ever again have superstars and blockbusters and bestsellers as our generation knew them? What will bond us together if we no longer have these shared experiences? And is there a positive side to all this?

Another bonus: At the start of this episode you can take a little pop-culture quiz that you'll probably only pass if you're a person "of a certain age." Visit me on Instagram @morebeautifulproject and let me know how you scored! Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

You were born an uninhibited, confident creature filled with self-love and curiosity. Then, through the years, you slowly evolved into the person you needed to become—in order to fit in, meet other people's expectations of you, and perhaps achieve society's definition of success. My guest on this episode—Elizabeth "Lizzie" Bermudez, an Emmy-winning journalist turned digital lifestyle host and social media influencer—says midlife is an opportunity to get back in touch with that badass, authentic version of yourself you may have left behind. Lizzie opens up about everything going down during this life stage, from aging and menopause, to empty nest and other life transitions. And she wants you to know you're not alone, change can be hard but transformative, and the best is still yet to come.

During our lively conversation, Lizzie and I chat about:

• The perfectionist attitudes our generation grew up with, and why we need to free ourselves from them
• How she's learned to "just be herself again" in midlife—and why you should too
• The conflicting feelings that emerged after her daughter went off to college
• Whether she misses chasing the news, and what she's doing these days to get that rush (cliff jumping and wakesurfing, anyone?)
• How it felt to age in public as a television journalist (hint: she won't watch The Morning Show)
• Whether or not representation of women in the media is becoming less ageist
• The female competitiveness she witnessed in her field and how she's finding a more generous camaraderie among midlife women
• Why she used to hide her age, but now finds it liberating to reveal how old she is
• Where she stands on the cosmetic surgery spectrum
• Why she's been so candid in talking about the hysterectomy that sent her into early menopause
• The lessons she's learned over the years about friendship, and the relationships that matter most to her now
• What she does in the car every day to recharge her batteries

Plus: Lizzie talks about the family crises and loss that sent her spiraling as she entered her 50s. She explains why she feels "a beauty and urgency" to live life to the fullest. She opens up about the impact she still wants to make on the world. And she tells you what you need to know about diving into your second act with courage and conviction. Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

If you're the parent or caregiver of a teenager, this episode is for you. It can be challenging to navigate the ups and downs of the adolescent years—whether your child is merely exhibiting age-appropriate but frustrating behaviors (door slamming and eye rolling, anyone?) or facing more complex challenges. In this compassionate conversation with family therapist Dr. Kelly Moore, you'll gain strategies and techniques to help improve communication and boost connection with your teen. You'll also learn how to handle conflict more effectively, and nurture yourself through this rollercoaster ride. Among the questions Dr. Moore addresses: How much freedom should you give your child? What kind of behavior is developmentally appropriate? How do you talk to a kid who doesn't want to talk to you? How do you support a teen who's going through a difficult time? When should you worry about your child's mental health? And how can you manage your own emotions in order to be there for your child?

In this jam-packed episode, Dr. Moore and I also discuss:

• The crucial information that a lot of well-meaning parenting advice leaves out
• How teen behaviors don't always correlate to what they're experiencing on the inside
• The biggest mistake parents make when communicating with their child
• How to dance the fine line between offering support and setting boundaries—and why teens crave both
• Why strengthening your self-awareness makes you more attune to your child's needs
• How your kid's brain development affects their behavior and emotional responses
• The best way to respond to the silent treatment (warning: it's not easy for you, but your kid will love it)
• The one thing you should always do when you're disciplining your child
• Why it's necessary to mourn the loss of that "little kid" your child once was
• Why you should approach parenting from your deepest values instead of your biggest fears
• When to worry about your child's mental health, red-flag behaviors to look out for, and our culture's biggest misconception about kids and depression
• Why apologizing to your kid is so important, and how to do it the right way
• When to text your child vs. talk face to face
• How you can stay close to your child even after they've flown from the nest

Plus, Dr. Moore opens up about how a breast cancer diagnosis changed her relationship with her kids. And she offers practical, brilliant tips for diffusing conflict with your teen in the heat of the moment. Parents, this is one episode you don't want to miss!

Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com. 

Honor Davis-Marks is on a mission. A champion of women over 40, she wants to help you release your inner critic, embrace your changing body, and ride all those midlife transitions with courage and conviction.

But Honor is no Pollyanna. She's as genuine as they come, and her platform, Honestly With Honor, takes a candid look at all the foibles and conflicted feelings that accompany this messy life stage. As a single mom, she knows what it's like to experience heartbreak and self-doubt. As a Brit living in the South of France, she understands the complexity of seeking romance when it's not a requirement for happiness and fulfillment. As an entrepreneur in the hospitality business, she gets the necessity of building a community of likeminded women who offer support and comraderie. Through her Magical Midlife program, coaching and retreats, she wants to help you regain your confidence, forge new friendships and, most important, break free of those cultural and self-imposed limitations that can hold you back from finding joy.

During our conversation, Honor and I talk about:

• Whether or not French women have a healthier approach to aging than the rest of us—and what lifestyle habits we can pick up from them
• How she feels about America's preoccupation with cosmetic surgery—and why she allows herself to judge it
• Why focusing on community, life experiences and travel during midlife is the way to go
• What it's like doing social media in her 50s, and how she coaches other midlifers to try it
• The personal heartbreak she's experienced—and her approach to dipping her toe back into the dating pool
• Why the stakes are higher with more mature romances, and how she feels men our age can do better
• How no one prepares us for midlife's shakeups and confusion, and why we need to prepare the next generation
• Why she's showing off her beautiful midlife body on social media—and why it's important for people to love her as is
• Why we all need to chill out and age disgracefully!

Plus, Honor shares a few social media strategies and offers her top three tips for living your best midlife! Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

If you're someone who has no intention of settling down anytime soon, or if you're itching to try on some new hats, you're going to find this conversation with actor Diane Britt-Smith so inspiring. Diane left a successful longtime stint as a video producer to dive into a multifaceted midlife career that includes acting, modeling, voiceover artistry and street photography. She's also inspiring people with her encouraging, age-positive social media that offers an important message: It's never too late to explore your talents, try something new, or launch an entirely new career for yourself. Even though she's navigating a notoriously ageist industry, Diane is a firm believer that "we should enjoy watching ourselves age"—as naturally and with as much joy as possible.

During this uplifting conversation, Diane and I also chat about:

• What types of acting and modeling opportunities are available to women in midlife and beyond, and whether or not the film, TV and advertising industries have evolved in terms of age representation
• Why we need to set an example for the next generation by aging on our terms
• How you can build your confidence and embark on something new, even if you've convinced yourself it's too late (hint: It's not), and the best way to tackle that change
• Why it's so important to be candid about your age
• Why you need to start brushing your teeth while standing on one foot (yeah, you heard that right)
• The trick to a long-lasting relationship
• The best advice Diane's mom ever gave her about getting older

Diane also spills her top secrets on how to age well, and reveals the one thing you should never stop doing. Whatever age you are, you're going to love Diane and devour her words of wisdom. Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.

Midlife can be a messy time marked by a lot of change. But my guest on this episode of the More Beautiful Podcast is on a mission to shine a light on the numerous advantages—rather than disadvantages—you have once you reach this pivotal life stage. According to Holly Boxenhorn, a psychotherapist and empowerment coach, midlife presents the perfect opportunity to leverage all your wisdom, experience and personal strengths and make the second half of your life even deeper and richer than the first. Holly says the key to tapping into your "midlife advantage" is to become aware of the seven personal energetic states that can seriously impact your life. She helps you understand how to raise your own energy level in order to improve everything from your job to your relationship, as well as move further along on your self-growth journey. Holly also runs through her list of six health and lifestyle influences that can profoundly affect your energy and your response to life's challenges.

Holly and I also discuss:

• Why the life roadmap we were given when we were kids ends at midlife—and how that can be a good thing
• The ways you may be "bullshiting yourself" and how to stop
• Why you should address your midlife baggage before embarking on major life change
• How to take a more balanced approach to health and wellness in your 40s, 50s and beyond
• The difference between catabolic and anabolic energy, and how to stay in the "good" one
• What her six lifestyle influencers are and how they can affect how you show up in the world
• How to raise your personal energy, and which of the seven energy levels marks the sweet spot
• How to strengthen your interpersonal relationships (and the three types of friend every midlife woman needs)
• Why it's OK to talk to yourself (the best of us do it) and to acknowledge the "suck" of midlife
• Why women can sometimes go overboard on feeling and expressing "gratitude" 
• How your mindset affects your views on ageism; how you approach aging is a choice and an opportunity
• Why it's OK to not have it all figured out by midlife
• Why aging powerfully is contagious

Plus, Holly gives you tips on how you can kick your energy level up a notch—right now, wherever you are! Full show notes available at Morebeautifulpodcast.com.

What is your soul work? What were you put on this planet to do? Many people find themselves asking these questions in midlife, which can be a period of great transition. But change can be difficult, especially when you don't know exactly what you want. In this episode of the More Beautiful Podcast, occupational therapist Hillary Baggett and I chat about how to discover (or rediscover) your life's purpose and overcome the obstacles that may be holding you back from fulfilling it. Among the topics Hillary and I discuss:

• How her midlife project was born during a dark period in her life
• Why midlife is frequently messy, but can often be exhilarating and filled with potential
• Why we need to shatter the myth that aging is something to be dreaded
• Why community is so important during this phase of your life
• How to overcome your midlife fears and accept failure as a growth opportunity
• How to know if you're ready for change by identifying the sacrifices you are no longer willing to make
• How to figure out what you want and how to go out and get it
• The fine line between fear and excitement, and the way to channel fear into something positive
• Why it's never too late to find your life's purpose

You don't want to miss this marvelous midlife conversation. Full show notes available at Morebeautifulproject.com.