Podcast Summary
Ancestral fear of rejection affects men's approach to women: Men's fear of rejection from women is deeply rooted in ancestral past, impacting their confidence to approach. Women face societal norms and potential shame when approaching men.
Men's reluctance to approach women is due to a fear of social rejection and potential damage to reputation. This fear is deeply rooted in our ancestral past, where rejection from a woman could impact a man's standing within his community. Alexander Datesyc, a neuroscience and behavioral science researcher, explains that this fear is more pronounced in men with higher risk aversion. Women, on the other hand, face a unique challenge when approaching men, as it goes against societal norms and can result in a double dose of shame if they are rejected. Despite the advances in modern dating, these fears persist, making approaches a daunting task for many men. However, exposure therapy, as used in pickup artist communities, can help men overcome approach anxiety. This involves gradually exposing oneself to the fear, in this case, approaching women, to reduce the fear over time. While this may not be a foolproof solution, it can help men build confidence and overcome their reluctance to approach women.
Men's reluctance to approach women: Men's fear of rejection and risk aversion is causing a decline in approaching women, limiting opportunities for relationships and sexual encounters.
Women often prefer to be approached by men, but men are becoming more risk-averse when it comes to approaching women. This trend, which may be more prevalent among younger generations, can be attributed to a generalized risk aversion syndrome that permeates various aspects of life. Men who are more tolerant of risk or even seek it out are the ones who are more likely to approach women, leading to a higher number of sexual partners or relationships. Conversely, the majority of men aged 18 to 30 have not approached a woman in the last year, but of those who have, about half have gotten a date or a romantic connection. This trend is not limited to confident men, as many unsure and terrified men also fall into this category. Overall, the reluctance to approach women creates a significant barrier in the dating scene, highlighting the need for more research and understanding of this phenomenon.
Agentic mindset linked to fewer dating problems: Having an agentic mindset, focusing on personal growth, and improving social cognition skills can lead to fewer dating difficulties, regardless of gender.
Approaching women and having an agentic mindset can lead to fewer dating difficulties. A study found that individuals with a higher internal locus of control, who are more agentic, reported fewer dating problems. Fear of rejection and inability to make intellectual connections were identified as common struggles for both men and women in the dating scene. However, the concept of intellectual compatibility may not be about IQ, but rather the ability to connect emotionally and mentally with a partner. Women, in particular, expressed concerns about sexual pressure and demand. It's essential to understand that these issues may not be solved by simply earning more money or becoming more financially stable. Instead, focusing on personal growth, emotional and intellectual maturity, and social cognition skills can lead to more successful dating experiences.
Intellectual compatibility matters in relationships: Men may struggle with intellectual compatibility due to communication differences and varying intelligence levels, but it's crucial to consider the big picture and not rely on simplistic explanations for attraction and compatibility.
Intellectual compatibility and the ability to hold engaging conversations are essential components of a successful relationship. Both parties should be able to relate to each other on an intellectual level, and men, in particular, may struggle with this due to differences in communication styles and intelligence. Additionally, people often focus too much on one factor, such as physical attractiveness, when evaluating potential partners, leading to a distorted view of what truly matters in a relationship. It's important to remember that human behavior is multivariate, and various factors contribute to attraction and compatibility. Therefore, it's crucial to consider the big picture and not rely on simplistic explanations or ideologies. Incel communities, in particular, could benefit from understanding the nuances of research on attractiveness and the importance of various factors in relationships.
Factors Affecting Number of Sexual Partners: Physical attractiveness is a threshold, other factors like competence and dominance significantly impact the number of sexual partners.
Physical attractiveness plays a role in the number of sexual partners a person has, but it's not the only factor. Behavioral dominance, competence, and signals of competence like education and income also significantly impact the number of sexual partners. Contrary to popular belief, intelligence, kindness, and humor are also important to women, but they may not realize they're struggling to find intellectually compatible partners due to their own self-perception or the influence of extreme online communities. It's essential to view physical attractiveness as a threshold that must be met rather than a continuous factor with increasing benefits. Once someone passes this threshold, other factors like competence and behavioral dominance come into play.
Men's Success in Online Dating Depends on More Than Just Looks: Men need to focus on being attractive, educated, and stand out from the crowd in online dating to increase their chances of success, as women's preferences are less consistent and most people seek long-term relationships.
While women have more options in terms of physical attractiveness in online dating, it's essential for men to possess other desirable qualities to stand out. Women's agreement on attractive male faces is less consistent than men's agreement on attractive female faces, meaning men can't rely solely on looks. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, most people use online dating apps for long-term relationships rather than hookups. Additionally, men have a stronger orientation towards both casual sex and long-term relationships compared to women. Lastly, education and attractiveness preferences vary between men and women on online dating apps, with high educated men preferring less educated partners and vice versa, potentially leading to a larger pool of unattached, less attractive, and less educated individuals. In summary, men should focus on being attractive and educated, while women should prioritize being very attractive and staying in school to increase their chances of success in online dating.
Education's Impact on Relationships and Divorce Rates: Despite societal stereotypes, education influences relationship satisfaction and divorce rates. Women with higher education have fewer marriages, while men with less education marry less frequently. Focus on compatibility in dating apps to increase chances of successful relationships.
Education plays a significant role in relationship satisfaction and reduction of divorce rates for both men and women, yet there exist societal stereotypes that may discourage certain preferences based on gender and education levels. For women, having a higher level of education is associated with a decreased chance of marriage, while the opposite is true for men. However, as more women pursue higher education and enter the workforce, there may be a need for adjusting preferences or facing potential imbalances in the dating market. Additionally, attractiveness, especially in facial features, varies greatly among individuals, making it nearly impossible to please everyone on dating apps. Instead, focusing on finding a compatible match among the few who show interest can lead to successful relationships.
Experimenting with unique qualities can lead to outsized returns: Embracing unique qualities and being true to oneself can lead to greater success and fulfillment in dating and life.
People, including those in the dating market, may have preferences that don't align with societal norms or expectations. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz's experiment with splitting test different versions of his appearance showed that leaning into one's unique qualities, even if they are considered "nerdy" or "dad bod," can lead to outsized returns. Women's preference for dad bods over more muscular men may be due to a combination of factors, including comfort, security, and a perceived lack of narcissism or threat. It's important to remember that individual experiences and preferences may vary, and societal norms and media representations can influence perceptions. Ultimately, embracing one's unique qualities and being true to oneself can lead to greater success and fulfillment in various aspects of life.
Physical condition and attractiveness impact relationships: Partner's physical health and appearance can signal dedication, reliability, and support, but perceptions can vary based on societal norms and stereotypes
Physical condition and attractiveness play a significant role in relationships, leading to feelings of jealousy, concerns about infidelity, and perceived reliability. A partner's dedication to their physical health can signal discipline, reliability, and a robust support system. However, there can be a stigma attached to certain forms of physical training, such as bodybuilding, which may be perceived as narcissistic or vain. Alternatively, a "dad bod" may be seen as an indicator of commitment and stability due to fewer potential mating opportunities. Ultimately, the way a partner presents themselves physically can influence how they are perceived and perceived feelings in the relationship.
Long-term relationship goals impact women's partner preferences: Women's fantasies may differ from their actual preferences for partners, prioritizing stability and commitment over physical attractiveness. The libido gap also influences choices, with men generally seeking more partners and variety, and women being more monogamous.
Women's preferences for partners can be influenced by their long-term relationship goals. While they may fantasize about more traditionally "attractive" men, in reality, they often seek out partners with "dad bods" or "cinnamon roll" qualities, indicating a desire for stability and commitment. The libido gap, a significant difference in sexual desire and attitudes between men and women, further influences these choices. Men generally have higher libidos and seek out more sexual partners and variety, while women tend to have more monogamous tendencies. This gap can lead to different approaches to sexual behaviors within relationships and may contribute to infidelity and other relationship issues. Understanding these preferences and differences can help improve communication and understanding between partners.
Preferences and societal norms impact sexual fantasies and attitudes towards body counts: Both genders prefer fewer partners but societal norms and attitudes differ, with women's fantasies focusing on long-term relationships and taming men, while men's tend towards casual encounters. Stigma towards high body counts persists for both genders, although it may be a deal breaker at different thresholds.
While both men and women have a preference for a lower body count in their partners, the societal norms and attitudes towards sexual experiences differ significantly between genders. Women's sexual fantasies often involve a long-term orientation and taming a man, while men's tend to be more focused on casual encounters. The aversion to virginity is present for both genders but is more pronounced for women in practice due to various reasons. Sexual double standards, which refer to different attitudes towards sexual behaviors for men and women, have been reducing, especially when it comes to serious issues like sexual assault and underage sex. However, the stigma attached to high body counts remains for both genders, although it becomes a deal breaker for some at different thresholds.
Societal Influences on Sexual Experiences and Virginity: Societal expectations and views on virginity disproportionately affect less educated, lower-income young men. Double standards exist for men and women regarding sexual partners, and the red pill ideology can skew perceptions of relationships and divorce statistics.
Societal views and expectations surrounding sexual experiences and virginity can significantly impact individuals, particularly young men. The preference for virginity is more common among less educated, lower-income young men. However, this desire can become increasingly unrealistic as individuals age. Furthermore, there are sexual double standards, with men often viewing other men with more sexual partners as higher in status, while women find this less desirable. The red pill ideology, which devalues marriage and promotes cynical narratives, can contribute to misunderstandings about divorce statistics and individual relationships. Ultimately, understanding these complex societal influences and individual experiences can lead to more informed and nuanced perspectives.
Women don't cause divorce alone: Divorce is a complex issue with both partners contributing to its demise, and women aren't always the sole cause or the sole beneficiaries financially.
The initiation of divorce by women does not necessarily equate to women being the sole cause of the relationship's end. While women do initiate divorces more frequently, there are complex reasons behind this, and both partners often agree that the relationship has deteriorated before the divorce is filed. Contrary to popular belief, women do not always fare better financially after divorce, and many men remain financially successful. Men are also more likely to stay in unhappy relationships and less likely to ask for a divorce. It's essential to recognize that divorce is rarely a unilateral decision and that both partners contribute to the relationship's demise in various ways. Couples counseling can provide an opportunity for both partners to address issues and potentially save the relationship, but only if both parties are willing to engage in open and honest communication.
Factors influencing why women initiate divorce more often: Communication issues, evolutionary pressures, and societal norms contribute to women initiating divorce more frequently than men due to societal expectations and the need for long-term relationships.
There are complex reasons why women initiate divorce more often than men. Communication issues, evolutionary pressures, and societal norms all play a role. Men are more likely to stay in unsatisfying relationships due to societal expectations and the lack of a surplus of potential partners in the past. However, these expectations and societal norms may not align with our evolutionary predispositions towards serial monogamy and the need to form long-term relationships for the survival and genetic diversity of offspring. This mismatch can lead to dissatisfaction and ultimately, divorce. It's important to consider these factors when examining the reasons behind divorce initiation and how we can create a cultural environment that better supports healthy and fulfilling relationships.
The evolution of relationships from passionate love to commitment: Individuals may feel the lack of passionate love in long-term relationships, but societal norms, personal beliefs, and the length of the relationship before having children can influence the decision to continue or move on. Preferences for partners can also depend on their attitudes towards gender roles.
Relationships evolve over time, and people may experience a shift from passionate love to a more committed, friendship-like bond. However, after years of being together, some individuals may feel the lack of passionate love and consider whether to continue the relationship or move on. This decision can be influenced by various factors, including societal norms and personal beliefs. Additionally, the length of a relationship before having children can impact the level of commitment. A study showed that men with traditional attitudes towards women, often labeled as benevolent sexism, were rated more attractive for both short and long-term relationships than those with hostile sexist or manosphere beliefs. However, extreme egalitarianism or feminist ideologies in men were not preferred. It's essential to remember that relationships are complex and multifaceted, and individuals' preferences and experiences can vary greatly.
Women's dating preferences for traditional gender roles: Women tend to prefer 'normal guys' with traditional beliefs and find benevolent sexists attractive, while the most relatable option is the 'normie guy'.
Women, regardless of their political leanings, tend to prefer a "normal guy" with traditional gender role beliefs when it comes to dating. Benevolent sexist men, who hold chivalrous and protective attitudes towards women, were found to be the second most attractive option. The normie guy, who holds normal, non-extreme beliefs about gender roles, was rated as the most relatable by women. It's important to note that a person's beliefs and attitudes towards gender roles can also imply other aspects of their personality and stability. Women may express a preference for egalitarian men in their conscious thoughts, but they still expect and desire traditional gender role behaviors in practice. This disconnect between stated and revealed preferences is a complex issue that may cause challenges in relationships further down the line.
The complexities of human desires and potential hypocrisy in social media age: People's desires and preferences can evolve, and it's crucial to respect individuals' autonomy to make their own choices, as societal trends and personal experiences can influence relationship preferences
The lines between stated and revealed preferences, particularly regarding relationships and gender roles, can be blurred. Alex Cooper, from Call Her Daddy, once advocated for casual sex and the irrelevance of relationships, but later experienced a romantic transformation. This dissonance between her past advocacy and present reality highlights the complexities of human desires and the potential hypocrisy that can arise in the social media age. Research, such as Catherine Walters' study, reveals that people, regardless of gender, desire similar traits in both short and long-term partners. However, there might be slight variations in the importance placed on these traits. For instance, physical attractiveness might be more emphasized in short-term relationships. Moreover, societal trends, like the #MeToo movement, could influence women's preferences towards more feminized men, as there may be a growing concern for safety and less fear of overly dominant males. Ultimately, it's important to remember that people's desires and preferences can evolve, and it's crucial to respect individuals' autonomy to make their own choices.
Societal norms shape perceptions in romantic relationships: Societal norms influence how we perceive potential partners' physical attributes and behaviors, and understanding these biases can lead to healthier connections.
Societal perceptions and stereotypes can influence how people perceive certain physical attributes and behaviors in potential partners. For instance, muscular men may be perceived as more conservative or dominant, while skinny men might be seen as feminist or weak. Additionally, the study discussed revealed that women find promiscuity less attractive than men in short-term relationships, and clinginess is the biggest red flag for women in potential partners. These findings highlight the importance of understanding how societal norms and individual preferences shape our perceptions and expectations in romantic relationships. Furthermore, it's essential to recognize that short-term relationships can sometimes lead to long-term commitments, and clear lines between the two may not always exist. Overall, being aware of these biases and recognizing the complexities of human relationships can help us make more informed decisions and foster healthier connections.
Excessive clinginess or neediness in a relationship can be a turnoff for women.: Women find excessive clinginess or neediness in a relationship unattractive, signaling low status and lack of other options. Age gaps can also raise eyebrows due to intersexual competition.
Excessive clinginess or neediness in a relationship can be a major turnoff for women, signaling low status and lack of other options. This behavior can be perceived as a threat and a warning sign for emotional instability or volatility. Mark Manson's book "Models" popularized this idea under the term "neediness," emphasizing that both men and women find it unattractive. Age gaps in relationships can also raise eyebrows due to intersexual competition, with young men more likely to disapprove of age gaps as they perceive it as stealing desirable partners from their pool. However, women's attitudes towards age gaps remain consistent regardless of age.
The 'ick' feeling towards significant age gaps in relationships: People's emotions towards age gaps in relationships may not always be rational, and can be influenced by personal experiences and preferences, leading to social taboos.
The taboo against relationships with significant age gaps may not be entirely explained by power imbalances or lack of consent, but rather by a visceral reaction or "ick" feeling for some people. This feeling might stem from personal experiences and preferences, leading individuals to rationalize their emotions with reasons such as power imbalances or manipulation. Additionally, women dating older men can lead to a scarcity of potential partners for younger men, contributing to the observed gender gap in dating. This phenomenon is more pronounced among younger age groups and can result in a noticeable "singles gap" for men in their late teens and early twenties. Ultimately, it's essential to consider the complexity of human emotions and motivations when examining social taboos and relationships.
Exploring attitudes towards OnlyFans and its impacts: Researchers study complex attitudes towards OnlyFans, shedding light on political beliefs and job prospects
Despite the chaotic nature of the world, it's important to maintain a nuanced perspective and not be overly reactive. Human psychology is complex, and situations are rarely as simple as they may seem. Currently, researchers are exploring attitudes towards OnlyFans and its potential impacts on relationships and future job prospects. This topic may be stigmatized, but it's an important area to study as people have strong opinions about it. The findings could shed light on political attitudes and beliefs related to this type of work. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of staying calm and considering the big picture in a complex and ever-changing world. To stay updated on this research and other topics, follow Alex on datepsych.com, Twitter, and YouTube.
