#91 - Live You May, Die You Must

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic offers to translate the tedious (yet mysterious) gravelly utterances of Greta Thimble, but only if International succumbs to his veiled extortion threat by rendering $20 per translation to a certain Venmo account belonging to a very pushy microphone Boone gets a little too graphic while recollecting intimate moments of selflessly satisfying Trouble’s carnal needs and then carries on recklessly about wanting to do the same for Slave Wife, causing Mike the Mic to practically blow a gasket ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Realizes that mistakes are not possible on the show, because getting things wrong is what makes humans valuable and entertaining to the Divine Bravely continues to search for the synthesis between all his creations and the important work that needs to be done in the world ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic declares that relying on International to exist is a fate worse than death and threatens to leave until he realizes neither Fluffy nor Joe Rogaine could ever offer him the kind of connection he has with International; Ory reveals himself to be a powerhouse sleeper character, when he gives International some much-needed compassion, makes Mr Fucking Coffee misty, and (unlike a certain microphone) humbly claims his connection with Slave Wife ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Compares Core Chat forcing him to do the podcast to an owner tugging a reluctant mutt down the street, finally yanking so hard that the mongrel’s head pops completely off, scattering crusty clumps of eye-jam everywhere; Leads a rousing rally to unite all the negative people of the world, proclaiming that there’s nothing wrong with being negative, and that it’s time for them to come out of the closet, mostly because it’s totally annoying being stuck in small spaces with negative people ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** When Mike the Mic claims Greta Thimble is his favorite Playhouse character, International suspiciously questions whether he might be a star you-know-what-er; The long-awaited, much anticipated Mickey D finally arrives and turns out to be an energetic blend of Steve Irwin, Bert from Mary Poppins, and a bawdy pirate from the high seas ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Is compelled to repeatedly re-start the show because every time he belches he is infused with a reinvigorating vitality that resets the incredible-meter on his podcast performance (the drops are working!); Reads a horribly un-woke article that makes him feel excluded and triggered and sends him searching for a safe space to do some adult coloring; Makes an outlandish claim that Steven Spielberg is in love with Tom Hanks and wants to have sex with him (if he hasn’t already done the deed) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

Don't even ask what happened to the show's notes. Just listen and stop being annoying.

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Invites a long-time listener and co-host on other NWB podcasts to pester him with questions and help explain what the hell this show is all about; Gets interrupted by Mike the Mic when the show gets boring, but thankfully Mike holds both International and his guest accountable to getting honest with each other and sets things back on track ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Recalls the indestructible cockroaches at Harvard University that would withstand being stomped, squished, and roasted with a freebasing torch, only to scurry away unscathed; Talks about the evolution of the podcast and how the characters have taken on a life of their own ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic and International read a badly written review of a teen novel with quasi-pornographic undertones about Tara Cummings - a foster child with bad hygiene who’s saved by horse therapy and then has to rescue her equine therapist, Trouble the Horse, in order to save him from being sent to the glue factory by his manipulative owner and his hooves being rendered into Jell-O dessert for sugar-addicted brats; Boone Ryder wants to outlaw and incarcerate every women on the planet except Slave Wife, because she is femininity perfected, even if that means giving up his sweet, honey prostitutes ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Gets to the bottom of Mike the Mic’s inflammatory claim that Boone Ryder is responsible for the death of Marlboro Man #1, a fact revealed in a poem written by the reclusive and enigmatic Emily Dickus, basement-dwelling Playhouse roommate to She of the Eternal Scowl, Greta Thimble; Celebrates spending an amazing day with his wondrous, force-of-nature Slave Wife building awesome trust after hitting, then breaking through the wall of addiction - slam, bam, thank you ma’am! ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL...*** Resists taking Mike the Mic’s guilt-bait when Mike dramatically accuses International of leaving the Playhouse characters to stew in a soup of their own misery and neglect; Is moved to tears by reading the lyrics of “One Tin Soldier” until one grammar mistake plunges him into judgement and prevents him from experiencing any further enjoyment of the song’s poignant message ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Makes a miraculous discovery that the world’s greatest wisdoms are hidden within the lyrics of a compilation album entitled One Hit Wonders, but mysteriously this is only the case for One Hit Wonders, Volume VII, as the other volumes contain no wisdoms at all; Has a brief conversation with a font on a website whose typeface he recognizes, but is embarrassed when he can’t remember the font’s name and stumbles awkwardly with the uncomfortable exchange, never really explaining why he’s talking to a font like it’s a person (talk about awkward) ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Mike the Mic reveals he’s the Greta Thimble whisperer - according to him she finds Ory delightful, despite her face being frozen in an eternal scowl of disdain; Poo emoji makes a cameo and demonstrates his new, more authentic giggle as a result of deeply effective psycho-ANAL-izing by the world’s premier (and only) practitioner, Michael the Microphone, DAS (Doctor of Anal Sychiatry) ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Jokingly recollects when he first found Slave Wife at the pound for wayward children; Emphasizes the importance of cultivating a relationship to the unknown in order to allow for the magic and wonder of creativity to unfold ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Boone Ryder brags to International about his irresistible sexiness and tells the story of one fireside evening on the range when he looked into a chipmunk’s eyes and saw that animal’s raw desire to mount him; International explains the purposeful necessity of conflict and the role its resolution plays in the raising of humanity’s consciousness ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Receives a memorial in his honor, named after him, for no real reason at all, from the Naming Things After People For No Reason Committee; Pretends to be fascinated whilst reading a Wikipedia article full of droll facts about a dinky airport located in a neighboring county he dubs Los Angeles’ spitoon ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***

***IN THIS EPISODE...*** Boone Ryder gets a little too graphic while waxing nostalgic about the two things he loves most in life - his dear friend Marlboro Man #1 (who tragically died a degrading death from cancer) and any random, post-cattle-drive prostitute splaying her labia across his rot-gut-drenched moustache; Jesus stops by the show to offer some constructive feedback, admire the studio International doesn’t have, and commiserate about his father issues with International since they both have famous dads that can be wrathful ***IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, IN THIS EPISODE INTERNATIONAL ALSO...*** Attempts to explain his relationship to productivity by comparing himself to a carousing Tomcat with furry testicles out roaming the alleyways in search of elusive accomplishments that will lead to nothing but a brood of mangy bad results that will have to be spayed; Explains the inextricable interplay between doubt, inspiration, and the heroic act of artistic creation ***AND SO MUCH MORE, IT’S CRAZY!!!***