97 - Real Talk: Shadow Work, Projection & Abundance Mindset

My Ayahuasca teacher, Jess Gold, interviewed me for her podcast, the Cielo Community Podcast! I decided to share the interview here as well. I have been working with Jess the past 4 years and now helping to facilitate ceremony. Jess has been serving the Medicine and leading ceremonies for the last eight years and she is currently continuing her medicine path to become a Tabaquera under the tutelage Maestro Tabaquero Ernesto García de la Torres in Iquitos, Peru. 

The yearning, the longing, the ever becoming. It is not a singular fixed location of attaining, it's the spaces in between. Where the meadow meets the forest. The tidal pools, the transition between land and sea is where most life is born. The backing the for-thing. Which is better, the in or the out? It's actually both together. Proximity and separation. The heat and the cooling. The forgetting and the remembering. We are participants and creations of the cosmic f**k. Where we get stuck is preferring one place or the other. This is the ever unfolding mystery of the universe. Today we discuss this concept as well as relationship dynamics, monogamy vs. polyamory, intimacy, being seen, vulnerability, energy healing, psychedelic integration and sacred plant medicine, the importance of patience on the healing journey for both you and your teacher/facilitator. Kristen Hansen is a Reiki Practitioner, psylocibin facilitator, relationship coach, and host of the Ascending Masters Podcast.  Kristen’s spiritual exploration began with a near death experience in 1998, opening her up to a world of trauma but also possibility. Kristen enjoys helping other find a deeper love for themselves and the world around them. She lives in the mid west with her partner of 20 years, 2 children, her dog, and cat. Follow on IG and tik tok @kristenhansen444, or schedule a service at kristenhansenhealing.com

Which is better, the in, or the out? It's actually both together. Proximity and separation. The heat and the cooling. The forgetting and the remembering. We are participants and creations of the cosmic f**k. Where we get stuck is preferring one place over the other.

My love affair with Ayahuasca continues... This song was adapted from the original by Johanna Warren, White Owl

Podcast Today’s guest is Mohini Gima. She does work with women of color to reclaim their roots, intimacy, voice and womb so they can thrive in all relationships. In today’s conversation we dive deep right away talking about toxic wellness culture and structural systems of oppression, and how that affects BIPOP communities. We discuss how systemic, ancestral, intergenerational trauma affects how we show up today in our bodies and what we can do to make a change within ourselves and also culturally, body to body. We discuss Mohini’s beautiful  journey in connecting with her voice and her womb. We talk about how the yoni is connected to our kundalini energy, vagus nerve and life force. We discuss how we can channel our erotic, juicy energy and tap into BPE, big p*ssy energy! We talk about ways to create intimacy with yoni and womb, ways to connect to voice, and how to be authentic within our current system. And how to alchemize womb wounds to womb wisdom. Connect with Mohini Click Here

What if our wellness culture isn't making us well. We live in a society haunted by the idea of wholeness, perfection, getting finally getting into an untraumatized body. But what if this ideal of self actualization & getting to the highest version of ourselves is actually making us sicker, more separate & less compassionate? What about those with sicknesses with no remedies? What about those with limited resources and socioeconomically disadvantages?  What if instead of looking up for the answers, instead of striving to fix ourselves, we looked  right beneath our feet, within the soil. And looked at how inclusion, the mixing bowl, actually helps us thrive.

Since coming back from the jungles of the Amazon, I have had A LOT to reflect on and integrate. What is not talked about enough is the, "rough landing," coming home from a psychedelic or transformational experience. Along with the rough landing, the concept of spiritual materialism and spiritual bypassing can be easily missed in the spiritual community. Walking the spiritual path can be very slippery & a subtle process. We can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing, when instead we are strengthening our self protective parts. Falling into the trap of spiritual materialism, using our practice to boost our ego, rather than to integrate it. Along with this, I have noticed that  wellness culture in general has many pitfalls including the idea of finally getting to wholeness, of perfection of finally getting to a body that walks around untraumatized and "normal." What if becoming "fixed" or "clean," wasn't the goal, but rather more inclusive and diverse. Wellness culture doesn't account for or extend compassion for those who may have illnesses that have no cure, and those who have socioeconomic disadvantages. In this episode I talk about my most recent Ayahuasca retreat, which I had the honor to co-facilitate with my teacher. This was my first time co-leading ceremony and it was beautiful, challenging and everything in between. Other topics discussed are synchronicity, purpose & shamanism.

Sweet Marosa, you had me look at all the times I've been hurt, & sit with deep sadness, grief, loss, abandonment, boundary violations, disrespect & dishonorable treatment from others & broken heartedness. I've forgiven them & myself. I saw how & where my walls of protection were built & how to let them down, one by one. I now feel a full-bodied certainty of value in this world & feel available to experience & share my love in healthy ways. I feel a sense of deep belonging in this world & confidence in myself. My heart is mended, softened & has turned into a luminescent red rose. I see the beauty & power that resides within me & how it's always been there. Gracias Marosa for your medicine, the spirit of love. In this audio I am right next to Marosa in the jungle singing to her. You might hear the sounds of the Peruvian jungle in the background. (The Shamanic Dieta: Where does a shaman get their knowledge and ability to heal others? From the spirits of the plants. How do they get this? From a tradition called a Dieta. This is a practice that is necessary for one to become a plant doctor. It is a process that invites the spirit of a plant to merge with your body and spirit, work as an ally to teach, give power & knowledge to heal others. How is this done? Dieting a plant requires undergoing a level of suffering. It involves looking at the shadow & it involves fasting food for a certain amount of time, eating a simple bland diet & being removed from all stimulation so one can mediate & concentrate on the plant spirit, building a relationship with it. This Icaro was gifted to me by Marosa after dieting w her in Peru this October.)

My Peru adventure was not what I excepted. Some things went terribly wrong, and I was put in some very dangerous situations. The jungle did eat me alive, and it made me stronger. Though the journey was unbelievably challenging on every level possible, I came out on the other side changed and completely transformed. I am glad the expedition wasn't what I expected, because in the end, it was better than I could have ever imagined. 5 weeks in the Jungle, 1 week in the mountains of Peru, 3 shamanic plant dietas, countless Ayahuasca Ceremonies, a deep dive into the great unknown & into the depths of my own body, mind and spirit taught me how I can be an even better Ayahuasca facilitator whenever that time comes, and the cleanest, clearest vessel for the medicine to shine through.

I got to meet the spirit of Redwood this past July, AKA a shamanic dieta with Rojo Caspi (Redwood). Redwood's teachings and wisdom came through my dreams, through the whispers of nature, meditation and synchronicities during our communion together. I had dreams of my dog & sister dying which felt so real I cried for hours. I had visions during my meditations of red blood washing down a wall, symbolizing the red in redwood, blood, death & beauty in what can come from death. I pulled the death card 3x. Redwood said to me: "I am teaching you about life, death the cycle of life, & rebirth. I hold the maternal energy of the earth. I watch as things die, are reborn and how everything connects and comes together again over years and years of stillness. Everything comes together, and it will be ok. Open your heart and let the walls down. As you remember this you can stand firmly and sturdy though the years. Breathe and trust. Redwood said the path I am on will only get harder & that I have much to learn. It will be a lot to hold, but you can do it. You are not alone. Let the medicine in. The Magician is on intimate terms with death. Death always precedes rebirth and rebirth is your goal." Redwood gifted me this melody many weeks before this dieta, little did I know it was from Redwood. The melody came back and Icaro structure came together all at once during a meditation during the dieta. It made sense why it had to wait until now. I sang it in Ayahuasca ceremony the first time a couple days after. As soon as I started I could feel the room shift. Afterwards one of the passengers told me as he was purging during the Icaro, a space opened up in his heart which has been blocked for many years. Gracias Rojo Caspi for your medicine and thank you for letting me be a vessel for your medicine to come through.