Podcast Summary
Buddhist perspective on confidence: From a Buddhist perspective, confidence is about trusting experiences and abilities in the present moment, acknowledging self-existence, and showing up to life despite fears and insecurities.
Confidence, according to Ethan Nickturn, is not about having a solid, separate self, but rather about trusting our experiences and abilities in the present moment. Buddhism questions the permanence, independence, and singularity of the self, but acknowledges that we exist and must navigate the world. Confidence, from this perspective, is about resilience and showing up to life as it is, despite our fears and insecurities. Nickturn's new book "Confidence" explores this concept further, drawing on Buddhist teachings and modern Western psychology. It's an ongoing struggle to find confidence, but understanding the nature of the self can help us show up more effectively in our lives.
Confidence practice: Confidence is a practice, not a fixed state. Acknowledge feelings of insecurity, work through them, and practice humility for ongoing growth.
Confidence is a practice, not a fixed state. Both men and women struggle with feelings of insecurity and imposter syndrome, even if they may not use that specific term to describe it. It's important to acknowledge these feelings and work through them rather than ignoring them or pretending to have all the answers. The Buddhist approach encourages settling into the confusion or suffering, and practicing holding our seat when faced with challenges. Humility, a form of genuine self-awareness, can actually be a strength and a step towards true confidence. It's essential to be honest about our limitations and expertise while putting ourselves out there. The journey towards confidence is ongoing, and it's not about having all the answers but having a path to work through the challenges.
Humility and Confidence: Humility and confidence are interconnected; humility lies in acknowledging what we don't know, while confidence comes from trusting ourselves and our knowledge. Both are necessary for navigating life's challenges. Recognizing the impersonal nature of pleasant and unpleasant experiences can help us cultivate resiliency and inner peace.
Humility and confidence are two sides of the same coin. Humility lies in acknowledging what we don't know, while confidence comes from trusting ourselves and our knowledge. Both are essential for navigating life's challenges. The concept of "holding your seat" in meditation is a metaphor for claiming our place in the world and staying present through difficult experiences. The Buddhist list of the eight worldly winds, consisting of four pairs of pleasant and unpleasant experiences, provides a framework for understanding and working with these challenges. By recognizing the impersonal nature of these vicissitudes, we can cultivate resiliency and inner peace. Confidence, therefore, is not about being better than others but rather about maintaining composure in the face of life's ups and downs.
Equanimity and Pleasure/Pain: Equanimity is about fully experiencing pleasure and pain without adding unnecessary suffering or avoidance. Meditation can help us feel these emotions more acutely and reduce rumination and bracing, leading to a wider range of appreciation.
Equanimity, or the ability to handle pleasure and pain with resilience, is not about being unaffected by these experiences. Instead, it's about fully experiencing them without adding unnecessary suffering or avoidance. Pleasure and pain are the most visceral experiences we have, and they can be worked on in meditation practice. Meditation doesn't make us feel pain less, but it can help us feel it more acutely while reducing the rumination and bracing phases. This can lead to a wider range of appreciation for both pleasure and pain. Additionally, we often don't experience pleasure or pain fully due to distractions like smartphone usage, and when we can hold our seat and fully experience these emotions, we can develop a deeper appreciation for them.
Criticism and pleasure/pain: Criticism and praise deeply impact identity, emotions, and well-being. Prepare for criticism, ask for feedback wisely, and give constructive criticism with kindness and validation.
Our experiences of pleasure and pain, praise and blame, are deeply interconnected with our physical and relational selves. Criticism and praise shape our sense of identity and reputation, and can have profound effects on our emotions and well-being. Preparing for the inevitable criticism we will receive in relationships and learning to give feedback kindly and at the right time are important practices for navigating these experiences. Remember, as long as we have a nervous system and exist in relationships, we will experience pleasure and pain, as well as criticism and praise. So, rather than focusing on defense, prepare for the "ouch" and make friends with the inner tube person. Additionally, it's essential to know who to ask for feedback and when, and to practice loving kindness and validation alongside constructive criticism. Lastly, be mindful of the power of our words when giving feedback to others.
Accepting insignificance: Instead of chasing fame and recognition, focus on making a positive impact and using influence for good, even if it means accepting that we will be forgotten.
In our current era, the desire for influence and significance, often equated with fame, is more sought after than ever before. However, the fear is the feeling of insignificance and being forgotten. To navigate this, it's essential to contemplate aloneness and accept the reality that we will be forgotten. Instead of focusing solely on recognition, we should consider how we can make a positive impact, regardless of whether we are remembered or not. This mindset allows us to use any influence we have to live a good life and benefit others, rather than being corrupted by the pursuit of constant attention and validation.
Reframing Perspective on Success and Failure: Instead of letting ego consume us in pursuit of success, we can use it to fuel compassion and positive actions, finding joy in others' successes and reminding ourselves of our own motivations.
While we all have egos and desires for success, it's important not to let the pursuit of these worldly wins consume us. Instead, we can use our egos in service of compassion and helping others. The concept of success and failure is a universal human experience, and it's natural to compare ourselves to others. However, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness. Practices like mudita, or sympathetic joy, can help us reframe our perspective and find joy in others' successes, while also reminding us of our own desires and motivations. Ultimately, the goal is to use our egos as fuel for positive actions and growth, rather than becoming trapped in the chase for recognition or perfection.
Transforming envy and jealousy: Instead of letting envy and jealousy consume us, we can use them as sources of inspiration by focusing on our own growth and revealing what we long for. Wind horse meditation techniques can help acknowledge emotions, focus, and soften towards challenges, building inner resilience.
Instead of letting envy and jealousy consume us, we can transform these feelings into sources of inspiration. Comparing ourselves to others can reveal what we long for, but it's essential to focus on our own growth rather than dwelling on others' perceived happiness. This concept is exemplified in sports rivalries, where competitors often push each other to be better. The author also introduced the Four Powers of Confidence: compassion, lineage, awareness, and wind horse. Wind horse is a set of meditation techniques that help us acknowledge our emotions, focus, and soften towards whatever is happening, allowing us to meet the moment effectively. These practices can be done quickly and are helpful when we need to gather our inner resources to deal with challenging situations. By focusing on our heart center, expanding our awareness, and opening out to space, we can build our inner resilience and better handle the "eight-worldly winds" of life. Remembering our lineage, practicing self-compassion, and cultivating awareness are also crucial in facing life's difficulties.