A Christerious Re-Release: Hercule Poirot's Christmas

Happy March, everyone! For our Patreon bonus, we thought we'd try something new: The Reading Corner! Jackie and Rachel have a friendly chit chat about whatever books we're currently reading. Maybe it will become a recurring feature? It all depends on what you like, and what Jackie likes. It doesn't matter at all what Rachel likes. 

For the full episode and all our other bonuses, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and join the fam! 

The patrons battled it out in honor of the upcoming Ides of March, and in the struggle between The Art of War and The Prince, let's just say The Art of War got Caesar'd. It's like getting Punk'd, but instead of meeting Ashton Kutcher you die and get a salad named after you. Win/win? Buckle up as the gang guides you through the world's second most practical guide on waging war and maintaining power.

Rachel says "here's the problem" roughly 80 times. Bekah really wants somebody to be gay. Jackie gets hundreds of sonnets written for her by Mr. Peanut. 

Topics include: the woman who rotates sandwiches, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, state cryptids, explanations of Ohio and Germany, terrible audiobook narrators who barely get any votes, a truly toxic doctor, female women, Borgias and Medicis, rice and horses, fear and love, Inigo Montoya, the monstrosity that is a medieval cat, Alexander the Great, a horrifying Kermit, lions and foxes and wolves oh my, and the return of everyone's favorite, Scipio Africanus.

In preparation for our upcoming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory miniseries, we got the gang together to learn about the absolutely absurd life of Roald Dahl.  Best-known for his children’s books, Dahl also wrote some very weird, pervy adult stories. Before he became a writer, he worked for an oil company in Africa (yes…… we know.), flew warplanes in World War 2, and committed extensive espionage. Curious about the kind of mind that could produce the BFG, Matilda, and James and the Giant Peach? You’ve come to the right place!

Content warnings: sexual assault, child abuse, racism, antisemitism, sexism, etc. We really talk about it all!

Don’t say we never put our stellar reputations on the line for you! Joining us this week is our friend Jacob Waller (find him on YouTube as Big Yellow Praxis), who has recently fallen down the rabbit hole of a (potentially correct???) anti-Stratfordian theory (notably NOT a conspiracy theory). Jacob lays out the case for, conservatively, a HUGE AMOUNT of Shakespeare’s work being borrowed from or straight up written by his contemporary, Sir Thomas North. Many thanks to Dennis McCarthy for his years of research, which is primarily what this episode is drawn from! Please check out his book, 'Thomas North: The Original Author of Shakespeare's Plays', and visit his website, www.sirthomasnorth.com, for a closer look.

Ahoy for the last time, me hearties! In this episode we cover Moby Dick from chapter 102 until the bitter, watery end.  Ishmael finally reveals why Captain Ahab is so obsessed with Moby Dick, we finally discover the fate of pretty much the entire crew of the Pequod, and Moby Dick finally deigns to grace the page.

Jackie does her Bob Dylan impression against our will. Rachel solves a fabulous mystery. Bekah trudges up and down a mountain. Topics include: free range Beastie Boys, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, the wagon of sobriety, Mr. Worldwide’s new look, the absolute best hairstyle for a man, the location of the soul, the Cavity Queen, the most secret Filipino of all, Moomin Quest, and whether you should wash your legs (yes).

This week, we're sharing part 2 of Jackie and Bekah reading one-star reviews of their favorite books to each other. Jackie comes at Bekah with the harshest criticisms of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice available on Goodreads. To hear the full episode, join our Patreon! Patreon.com/firethecanon.

This week, we're joined by a very special guest: Nikita! Jackie handpicked her to co-host this episode because Nikita is funny, despite not being a man. We read and discussed the fourth of Charles Dickens' five Christmas Books so you don't have to, and you can go ahead and thank us for that. Rachel's mom tells her she doesn't deserve any presents. Jackie discovers God is real. Nikita informs her husband that under no circumstances is he to continue living after her death. 

Topics include: La Femme Nikita, Lucy Liu/Maggie Q, Santa Claus stories, leprechaun disappointment, the worst poop of all time, Da Bean Zone, wifi stories, breakup pet plans, stinkbugs, true sisterly love, interchangeable women, a literal boatload of money, Death Note, the most perfect creature who ever breathed (according to Dickens), arms that don't belong to you, the hot hot elf from The Santa Claus, a gummy mistake, Shake Shack, a 23-year old's eyeballs, and absolutely no ghosts whatsoever. 

0:00:00 - 0:28:28 : stories of parental deception re: Santa 
0:28:29 - 1:00:45 : story summary
1:00:46 - 1:19:13 : story discussion/analysis/thoughts
1:19:21 - end : author drama! romance tropes! and a truly deranged story about finding god in an airport with a little help from drugs.

In the spirit of the holidays, which some call the holiday spirit, this week we're re-releasing an old favorite from 2021: Agatha Christie's "Hercule Poirot's Christmas". Rejoin the original gang for a hilarious journey through a Christmas mystery (Christery). If you're anything like Jackie, the mystery will seem as fresh and new as it did two years ago, because you'll totally have forgotten what even happened and who did it. But oh, is it satisfying.

We'll have a fresh-baked holiday episode brand new for you next week, when we discuss the fourth of Charles Dickens' Christmas stories. In the meantime, kick back and enjoy a tale from olden times. And if you're really feeling nostalgic, give a listen to our follow-up episode to this one: "A Christery Chat with John Allison", which was equally delightful. 

Ahoy!  Welcome back to the podcast.  In this episode, we cover chapters 71-101 of Moby Dick, and we come away with less whale knowledge than we started. Ishmael and Queequeg are wedded (again), a whale gets killed, ominous doings are done, etc., etc.

Jackie is wrongfully accused of a crime, and rightfully admits to a crime.  Rachel is wrongfully accused of being a frequent flier.  Bekah took out people’s teeth with no pain meds. Jacob would like you to know that that is NOT him, it is a British robot, and he loves his baby.

Topics include: Double Portland, an Aladdin situation, the prostaglandins, babysitting adventures, Flula Borg, yacht-tipping orcas, sensual squeezing, and the functional mushrooms/coffee dichotomy.

We're back with another rousing look into the sleeping mind of Stephen, who really wants to know if you'd rather hold someone, or someone holds you, in bed, and there's another figure as well. Rachel wants to know if people like these episodes, so please tell us if you do, and say nothing if you don't. Join our Patreon to hear the full episode and other bonuses as well! www.patreon.com/firethecanon