Podcast Summary
False Shame and Queerness: False shame related to queerness, instilled by religious teachings, can be debilitating and impact one's ability to live freely. Sharing and acknowledging these experiences is the first step towards healing.
Many people carry the burden of false shame, often related to their queerness and instilled by religious teachings. This shame can be debilitating and impact one's ability to live freely. Abby's story illustrates how she learned to hide her true self and carry the weight of rejection from her faith community. The act of sharing and acknowledging these experiences is the first step towards healing and setting down the burden. We all carry something that was never ours to carry, and it's essential to start talking about what hurts to begin the process of living light and free.
Religion and self-discovery: Rejected by church community for being gay, the speaker questioned their faith and identified as atheist/agnostic, but later met someone who helped them reconsider their perspective on faith and Jesus, leading them to believe in a God who accepts people in their brokenness and shows up in moments of vulnerability.
The speaker's journey of self-discovery and acceptance involved a complex relationship with religion and faith. Growing up, they loved being part of their church community but felt rejected when they came out as gay. This led them to question their faith and eventually identify as atheist or agnostic. However, they later met someone who helped them reconsider their perspective on faith and Jesus, seeing Him as a reason to fight for the underdog and a God who accepts people in their brokenness. The speaker's faith is rooted in a deep feeling of something greater and a belief in a God who shows up in moments of vulnerability and need.
Religious community and sense of belonging: Discovering inconsistencies between religious teachings and personal values can lead to challenging power structures and reevaluating beliefs
For the speaker, finding a sense of belonging in a religious community was crucial for her sense of safety and identity. However, her experience was disrupted when she realized that the community's actions and teachings did not align with her understanding of love and inclusivity as portrayed in the Bible. She felt compelled to question and challenge the power structures within her community, ultimately discovering that she was no longer standing between the marginalized and their oppressors, but had become one of the oppressors herself. This experience led her to reevaluate her beliefs and inspired her to write about her experiences and ideas in a letter to her son.
Acceptance of LGBTQ+ community: Early acceptance and love from family and community are crucial for the well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals, and fighting against homophobia within families, institutions, and communities is essential to preserve humanity and love.
Supporting and accepting the LGBTQ+ community early on is crucial for their well-being and for preserving the family's humanity. This person shared a powerful story about receiving a letter from their online community, assuring them of love and acceptance if they came out as gay. Years later, when their son did come out, they left him a letter expressing the same support and love. They emphasized the importance of fighting against homophobia within families, institutions, and communities, and the three choices one has: staying and agreeing, fighting within the institution, or leaving. They also highlighted the dangers of letting hatred and intolerance go unchecked, as it can harm not just the individual, but also the family as a whole. They concluded by reminding us that love and God are not mutually exclusive, and that we should prioritize love and acceptance over any institution that may require us to choose otherwise.
Love and faith connection: Choosing oneself doesn't mean rejecting God; instead, it means carrying Him with us. Love and rejection are incompatible, and wishing good for others is a Christian act of love.
Love and faith are deeply interconnected, and choosing oneself does not mean rejecting God. Instead, when we choose to be true to ourselves, we carry God with us. It's essential to recognize that disagreements over opinions or facts are different from rejecting someone's identity. Love and rejection are not compatible, and one must choose. From a Christian perspective, loving others as ourselves means wishing them all the good things we desire for ourselves. Ultimately, bravery, kindness, and honesty are the qualities that bring us closer to God.
Love and support for marginalized communities: Love and support are crucial for creating safe and inclusive environments. Personal experiences of discrimination can have far-reaching consequences, and active rejection of discrimination is essential. Empathy and understanding are vital for helping loved ones navigate the challenges of coming out and promoting healing and growth.
Love and support for others, especially those in marginalized communities, is essential for creating safe and inclusive environments. The speaker shares personal experiences of homophobia and its impact on their family, emphasizing that private beliefs can have public consequences. They encourage active support and rejection of discrimination, drawing parallels to the concept of being either pro- or anti-racist. Additionally, the speaker acknowledges the anxiety and fear that comes with the realization of a loved one's identity and the potential challenges they may face in the world. They offer empathy and understanding, sharing their own experiences and emphasizing the importance of healing and growth through the coming out process.
Spirituality after Religious Trauma: Recognize the difference between God and religion, trust inner knowing for spiritual connection, and ignore voices of shame and self-appointed gatekeepers.
It's essential to distinguish between God and religion, and to trust one's inner knowing as a means of reconnecting with spirituality after experiencing religious trauma. Glennon Doyle spoke about her own experiences of growing up in a Southern Evangelical Christian church and how she learned to mistrust herself, leading to a deep understanding of the importance of self-trust in healing from religious trauma. She emphasized the need to recognize that voices of shame and self-appointed gatekeepers are not God, and that spirituality is about connection and trusting one's deep inner knowing. The conversation also touched on the complexity of leaving non-affirming religious institutions, as it can lead to both mental health challenges and a deep sense of loss.
Religious Identity and Selfhood: People should be able to maintain their spiritual identity and selfhood in religious communities without compromise. Acknowledging complex experiences and affirming those who have left due to trauma is essential. Recognizing the courage of those prioritizing children's wellbeing over relationships is important.
People should not have to choose between their spiritual identity and their selfhood in religious communities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the complexity of experiences and affirming that people who have had to leave churches due to traumatic experiences are not alone. For those who have experienced the loss of relationships due to religious differences, the speaker suggests recognizing the courage and selflessness of those who prioritize their children's wellbeing over their own relationships. Ultimately, the goal is to create a world where people can be both held and free within religious communities.
Family Values, LGBTQ Youth: Examining and upholding family values, questioning intolerance, and supporting organizations for LGBTQ youth are crucial for creating a loving and accepting environment for everyone.
Creating and maintaining a whole family, where everyone is accepted and loved unconditionally, is a challenging but rewarding goal. It's important to question and challenge anything that goes against our values and the wellbeing of ourselves and our loved ones. The discussion also highlighted the tragic reality faced by LGBTQ youth, who are disproportionately represented among homeless youth and often face discrimination and hostile treatment in emergency housing programs. The podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, is taking action by making a significant donation to the Ruth Ellis Center, which provides vital services to these youth. Ultimately, it's crucial to examine the spaces we're in, speak up against intolerance, and support organizations that promote love, acceptance, and equality for all.