Better Ways to Respond Instead of React When Your Partner Says Something That’s Hard to Hear: Episode 185

You don’t often “think about your own psychology”, life is just happening and you are responding. So when it comes to interactions with your partner, it's easy to defend yourself when your perspective is brought into question. The cycle continues when you go back and forth about who remembers events more accurately.

Your perception and memory are all a part of your psychology. These are actually very complex cognitive functions that can  easily make errors and include bias you are not even aware of. In this episode we intend to share some of these errors and biases with the intent that you loosen the grip you have on being right and be willing to be more flexible with your own perception to bring more understanding into your marriage.

Resources For Your Relationship:

1. Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting April 1st, 2024 - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication.

2. STEPS TO REBUILD A MARRIAGE GUIDE: A step-by-step guide to the process of rebuilding a marriage after a hard and prolonged season of disconnect or hurt. It’s the Rebuild a Marriage Guide and it’s only $19.

From the thousands of coaching sessions, DMs, and emails that we receive, we tend to see themes come up in marriage. You would be surprised to learn how common certain topics are for couples, that all seem to come up in the same weeks and months. We are not here to hypothesize about why that is, but just make these themes known.

This is the highly anticipated followup episode from last week’s on mistakes men are making. Lately we have been noticing themes around Women and mistakes they are making in marriage. These are not character flaws but just patterns of behavior that we see adding to the dynamics in marriage. Today you will hear from Jocelyn on this solo episode about the 3 mistakes women are making: Criticisms, Conclusions, Consistency

Resources For Your Relationship:

1. Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting March 1st, 2024 - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication.

2. If the challenge start already passed, you can find all of our resoruces from guides, to courses, to coaching sessions with this link: Best Resources

From the thousands of coaching sessions, DMs, and emails that we receive, we tend to see themes come up in marriage. You would be surprised to learn how common certain topics are for couples, that all seem to come up in the same weeks and months. We are not here to hypothesize about why that is, but just make these themes known.

Lately we have been noticing themes around men and mistakes they are making in marriage. These are not character flaws but just patterns of behavior that we see adding to the dynamics in marriage. Today you will hear from Aaron on this solo episode about the 3 mistakes men are making: Reserved, Responsibility, and Receptivity.

If you are new to listening or just looking for where to go for the best relationship resources we have, you can find everything from simple conflict guides, webclasses, books, and dates for upcoming events here with out Resources Link. 

The scenario is that your partner makes a comment, you sense they are a little irritated. They may very well have a frustration but have expressed it with a mild (level 2) upset. Yet you are not in a conflict or argument. But as you talk back and forth, you start giving explanations and justifications and an early onset of defensiveness starts to create a divide. This is a critical moment where you could even say to each other “this doesn’t have to become a thing …”

Often these moments are not handled properly and now it does turn into something. You have this energy between you and your partner that for many can cause you to go do your own separate things and even have you ruin/cancel plans you had together for the evening. We have heard this happens for date nights, and even Valentine's Day plans, which happens to be tomorrow from when this podcast came out. 

This episode is about how to discern between tension and a true issue in marriage with 5 actions to take to “bounce back” faster.

Resources:

Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting Feb 14th, 2024 for Valentines Day - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication.

Find all our other guides and resources here on our website resources page

What is the bare minimum to expect in a marriage? You likely read that question and think about your expectations about your partner… However this is actually about what to expect from yourself! 

There are a lot of social media comments on relationship posts that judge the portrayal of a partner. That shows that most people think about what changes a partner needs to make in order to better meet one’s own needs. But that is quite backward. In this episode you will hear 6 traits that are the bare minimum to expect within yourself if you want to be a good partner.

Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting Feb 14th, 2024 for Valentines Day - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication.

Find all our other guides and resources here on our website resources page

You have heard about the "7 Year Itch" in a marriage. Though that was the name of a Marilyn Monroe movie in 1955, studies have shown that a couples satisfaction in marriage hits a low around 10 years into a marriage. Whether you’ve been together 2 years, 10 years, or 30+ years, you’ll get a lot out of this episode by understanding what couples lose sight of and causes an increase of dissatisfaction. 

We dive into:

• What the studies say about the “peak of dissatisfaction” being around year 10 together

• The actions that lead a couple to these rough patches

• What to do about it so you two can stay satisfied or boost it up, no matter how long you’ve been together. 

As you listen, make sure you join our upcoming 30-Day Couples Challenge here.

Are attachment styles fixed? This is the essence of all the questions and messages we received after last week’s episode on attachment style, behaviors, and needs. This required a Part 2 episode this week where you will hear how to overcome your avoidant or anxious style pasts and tendencies. 

Not only is attachment style not fixed, it’s a range, and can be very situational. You may have created a secure relationship experience for both of you, but circumstances and your environment can have you fall back into insecure behaviors that remind you of your past. Today we share more of our own back stories of being anxious and avoidant, how those would creep back in over the years, and 5 ways to move yourselves back into that secure attachment experience you are used to operating in together!

Resources: 

Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting Feb 1st, 2024 - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication.

P.S. - you also get the Family Meeting Guide as a bonus for start the Couples Challenge! 

Attachment is a key term and principle for relationships and refers to the way in which you bond and connect with your partner. The theory of Attachment Style has become much more popular in recent years from its conception by John Bowlby in 1969. Though many are familiar with the Secure and Insecure categorizations and the insecure types of avoidant, anxious, and fearful; people are not so familiar with the attachment needs and behaviors that are as critical. 

All of this as a theory can feel very conceptual so in this episode you will hear even more depth about the attachment needs, and behaviors so that you can take more practical action to move in the direction of a secure relationship experience. Even if you are securely attached with your partner you will hear how to maintain this on a range of relationship confidence and trust.

Also, utilize our resources to put this into practice:

1. The Family Meeting guide and tempaltes.

2. The Steps to Rebuild a Marriage guide

     3. All of our resources are here.

What is Love in a very practical sense? We hear people say “we fell in love” or “we fell out of love”... so what is causing this experience of love? Or why do couples start to feel more like roommates?

As the years pass, it can be easier to fall into what is called “empty love” or “friendship love” and miss the 3rd element of love that we all crave.

So dive into today’s episode where you’ll hear:

• The 3 components of love

• Variations of relationships that have one or 2 components but are missing the 3rd

• How to maintain “complete love” encompassing all 3 components

Also, utilize our resources to put this into practice:

1. Our "Prioritize Us" 30-Day Couples Challenge is open for just a couple more days.

2. The Family Meeting guide for weekly, quarterly, and yearly check-ins

     3. Or see all of our resources are here (including in-person events & coaching)

The one thing that the beginning of a year allows you to do is draw a clear line in the sand. It’s a psychological distinction to review your last 12 months and see how well you executed on your game plan. Some do this for work, for individual achievements, as sports teams, and it is very powerful to do for your marriage. 

In this episode you will hear how to go through a Yearly Check-in to start off your new year. This will allow you to reestablish your core values, set your vision and goals, and remove any old distractions and barriers that didn’t serve you from the previous year.

Resources For Your Relationship:

Join the  "Prioritize Us" Couples Challenge starting Jan 1st, 2024 - the 30 day challenge for couples to simplify how to make positive changes in their marriage and prioritize loving actions and respectful communication. PLUS you get the Family Meeting Guide as a Bonus

FAMILY MEETING GUIDE: The  step-by-step guide to having your family meeting, with templates for weekly, quarterly, and the yearly meetings. This is the Family Meeting Guide from the episode and it’s only $19.