Ep. 56 - Generosity Is So Much More Than We Think

Hello and welcome everyone. Today on Episode 74 of Your Mindful Life podcast, our topic is the pause.

We know that pausing is a good thing. It puts us firmly in the present. It is that moment of equanimity in which we can take in everything without reacting or judging. It allows us to get the big picture and to direct our energy thoughtfully and creatively to what is meaningful. Pausing our hearts have the time and space to open wide to receive and to give.

So, now, after more than 70 episodes of Your Mindful Life I am pausing. I am pausing to take in the moment fully and to re-imagine what will come next. I am pausing to lovingly question and investigate how I can best be of service—how best I can share what I have lived, loved, and know about living a mindful life. I am pausing to replenish my creativity and open myself to the unknown.

For some time, I have been thinking deeply on how better to create connection that is more immediate, more active, and more receptive. I am like a diver going down into the depths of the ocean, not sure of what she will find there but as she descends knows that what she will find in the depths is luminous and magical.

Thank you for being a listener and for being a member of the podcast. . We will meet again soon. If you would like to connect with me, click here or paste this URL in your browser  https://www.yourmindfulpractice.com/contact

With love and appreciation for you and everyone behind the scenes who has made this podcast possible:

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production; 

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show.

Mary
Be well. Be mindful.

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

How do ethics affect our daily lives? Do all virtues resonate equally with us? How has our conditioning as children in our families, communities, and cultures formed how ethics play out for us now as adults?

Hello and welcome everyone. Today we’re exploring ethics and how our motivations and behavior reflect our personal ethics. 

As children we are conditioned by the ethics of our family, community, and society at large. We were probably taught how we should behave when confronted with an ethical dilemma as defined by our parents, teachers, and religious leaders. Most likely we carry around an ethical rule book in our heads based on our early life conditioning. This ethical rule book tells us what to do even when circumstances have changed.

Life is complex and new. Complicated and confusing ethical situations arise all the time and the rule book in our head doesn’t come close to helping us wade through the complexity and ambiguity or aid us in ethical investigation and the appropriate choice of behavior in a given ethical situation. 

Ethics is about behavior and about motivation. It's not just how we act--how we respond, it is also about what is motivating us to respond and act the way we do.

The more we are mindful—present, attentive, and curious—to ourselves and the world around us, the deeper our wisdom and compassion will be. We will respond skillfully when greed, hate, fear, or anything else that gets in the way of our ethical judgment. The more mindful we are, the deeper our understanding because we are willing to look under the covers and see the whole truth about something. This, in turn, enriches our discernment and allows us to make ethical choices that go beyond the surface; go beyond what we read on social media; go beyond what the rule book in our head says.

This week I invite you to explore the rule book in your head. You might ask these and other similar questions that resonate with you. How was ethics viewed and practiced in my family?

How did the prevailing culture inform how ethics were practiced in my family?

What ethics training and teachings did you receive growing up?

Speak with someone in your family to better understand the role of ethical formation in your family.

Talk to someone—maybe a friend or colleague from another culture to explore similarities and differences with your own ethical formation growing up.

Write down what you discover. Does spending time with your childhood ethical formation shed light on your motivations and behavior today? How and how not?

I hope you enjoy the podcast and made you curious about your ethical formation as a kid, so that you can now explore more deeply your ethical motivations and behaviors today.

A new guided meditation on vitality is available this week on the podcast member website at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful. 

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. 

Become a member of the podcast via Patreon. Go to the member page at www.patre

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Today we’re investigating how to practice mindfulness meditation  when we feel it is too hard or not possible. Or some other difficulty arises and gets in the way.

Mindfulness is key to managing the difficulties and challenges of life. It is how we are in the world. It can be difficult to be mindful. We practice mindfulness meditation so that our mindfulness strengthens, deepens, and opens our hearts.

Sometimes it is difficult to meditate. We have pre-conceived ideas about what it is and how well we can do it. Our confidence may be low or missing. Our inner critic may be letting us know all the reasons why we can't do it.

The key is to recognize the difficulty that is arising and then to use tools to help you over the difficulty. That's what this podcast is all about.

This week, I invite you to start where you are. Begin again whenever you need to. If you are meditating for one minute you you get distracted 10 times or 20 times, it doesn’t matter. No one is watching, judging, or keeping track. Simply notice and begin again. Befriend yourself. You are worth it.

The guided meditation this week is a mindfulness of breath meditation. It is on the podcast’s members’ page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife.

I hope you enjoy the podcast. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible:

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful. 

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. 

Become a member of the podcast via Patreon. Go to the member page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. All members have access to a new guided meditation each week on the member page. 

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Hello and welcome. This week we explore the fourth face of love—equanimity.

Equanimity is the state of mental calmness and evenness of temper in which the mind is steady and balanced and judging is absent. It is a state that allows us to take in the whole picture of a situation without coloring it and reacting to it, and to be fully aware in the moment.

With equanimity our minds are even and imperturbable while at the same time fully engaged with the circumstances of a situation and aware of the present moment.

The path to equanimity is to recognize when the mind is unsteady and out of balance— when it is grasping, pulling, pushing or turning away. To recognize when  judging is present and the mind feels chaotic—bouncing here and there.

Recognizing the obstacles in our mind blocking equanimity, gives us a starting point to reach understanding and insight so we can let go and simply be with what’s here with clear and steady mind. We may notice that the strength of our equanimity comes and goes. This is understandable. As we practice, with attention and concentration, equanimity becomes stronger and stronger.

Start with mindfulness of the breath. It may feel that you can’t pay attention to the breath and this is OK. Noticing this is the first step. Then settle into simply saying “in” on the in-breath and “out” on the out-breath and keep doing it. Or, count each breath (1,2,3…) and when you lose count begin again with “1.” You may begin to judge yourself saying things like, “I can’t do this.” This is OK. Just notice when you are judging and make a soft mental note saying inwardly  “judging” and then return your attention to the breath. This is the practice. Start where you are and return your attention when you lose your place. After awhile you will notice the qualities of equanimity beginning to appear—calmness, evenness, and non-judgment.

This week strengthen your equanimity through your mindfulness of breath practice and by repeating a phrase during the day when you feel your mind going sideways. There are many phrases. Here are some.

May I see things just as they are and not how I want them to be.
May I remain peaceful as the storm rages around me.
May I generate the inner resources to help where needed.
May I see my limits with clear eyes just as I see the limits of others.

This week's guided meditation on Equanimity may be found here on the podcast’s member page or paste  www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser.

I hope you enjoy the show. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible.

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful.

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

We need you! Please follow or subscribe, and review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Become a member via Patreon. Go to the member page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife to sign up and to access the weekly guided meditations.

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Hello and welcome. Today we're talking about the third face of love -- Appreciative Joy.

Appreciative joy is the quality of love that recognizes the full worth of joy in our and others lives. It is about being happy with other people—delighting in the joy of others and creating joy in ourselves. Appreciative joy blossoms when we recognize our reciprocal and interconnected humanity. 

We might think that it is easy to feel happiness for the happiness and good fortune of others and ourselves but sometimes it can be hard, especially when we are pre-occupied with all the troubles in the world. The ups and downs of our friends,  family, and ourselves may feel more down than up. We may neglect noticing our own happiness and good fortune and that of others around us when we let the negativity bias of the brain overwhelm the goodness in our and others lives.

We can cultivate appreciative joy through our formal practice and by bringing it into our everyday lives. Asking ourselves how we create joy in ourselves and others and how we can respond to the joy around us is a practice that we can do any where or any time.

Our capacity for joy is immeasurable. It can grow and grow. It has no limit. The more we practice it, the more it grows. Practice is what matters.

This week I invite you to practice appreciate joy. Here’s a phrase that you can repeat whenever you experience someone’s happiness and good fortune. “I delight in your happiness. May it continue.” Say it often and see what a joyous difference it makes.

This week's guided meditation on Appreciative Joy may be found on the podcast’s member page on www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible.

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful.

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Become a member via Patreon. Go to the member page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. All members have access to a new guided meditation each week on the member page.

RESOURCES/CREDITS

Pittinsky, Todd L. and Montoya, R. Matthew, “Empathetic Joy in Positive Intergroup Relations,” Journal of Social Issues, Vol 72., No. 3, 2016, pp. 511-523

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Today we’re talking about compassion and what gets in the way of our acting compassionately.

Compassion is the second face of love. Compassion is the recognition of suffering, the desire to relieve suffering, and the acting to relieve it without any expectations of anything in return.  Check out out Episode 8 that also talk about the four faces of love.

Compassion comes naturally but is difficult when obstacles get in the way. Being able to recognize obstacles allows us to mindfully be with them and let them go freeing us to live compassionately.

Here are some of what can get in our way:

• We can’t reach out because we believe that that person has created our suffering. Our pride gets in the way.
• We shy away from compassion because we’re afraid what others will think about us. We’re afraid of being judged. Our compassion isn’t strong enough to overcome that judgement.
• We feel obligated to do something for someone and we do it because we want to keep in the good graces of another person. Or, We don’t want to be cast out of the group. Our action is guided.
• When we feel stressed or overwhelmed it is hard to be compassionate.

When we feel we don’t have what it takes to be compassionate or that it will demand too much from us, we shy away from it.

Bringing mindfulness to these obstacles as they arise is our path forward. Being with what arises, feeling it and how it feels in the body.  Asking little questions and investigating allows it to come forward and let go. 

None of us is perfect. We all have traits that we don’t like and we all make mistakes. This is part of the human condition— our common humanity.  When we accept this we can then bring self compassion to ourselves and then bring compassion to others.

This week I invite you to sit quietly asking two questions and seeing what rises to the surface not from the head but from the heart. To begin, practice mindfulness of the breath meditation for a few minutes to unit body and mind in presence and sharpen attention and concentration. 

The first question is, “What value do I put on compassion?” Is compassion one of my core values that define how I live my life? Why? Why not? 

The second is,“Who do I know who is compassionate and what makes them so?” 

 Have paper and pencil handy and jot down notes as you sit. 

This week’s guided self-compassion meditation is on the podcast membership page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. 

I hope you enjoy the show. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful.

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Become a member via Patreon. Go to the member page at www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. All members have access to a new guided meditation each week on the member page.

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Today we’re exploring the First Face of Love—Lovingkindness. The practice of lovingkindness cultivates our natural capacity for an open , alive, and loving heart. When we dedicate ourselves to a lovingkindness practice, we feel our heart opening and staying open even when troubles happen.

It might be hard  to get our heads around the word lovingkindness. Maybe the thought — What other kind of kindness is there? Or, “What has love got to do with kindness?” arises.  When we are loving we show our caring. When we are kind we show our friendliness, generosity, and consideration. 

So, when we practice lovingkindness we are practicing all these things—friendliness, caring, generosity, consideration, goodwill, and benevolence. And we are expressing our deep connectedness; everyone gets to play; no one is excluded or sidelined from giving and receiving lovingkindness.

Note that when we talk about friendliness, we're not talking about friendship or being friends; we are talking about being affable and good-natured towards all.

In this episode we talk about how to practice lovingkindness to ourselves and every being around us when there is conflict, doubt, and hurt as well as when our inner critic disparages us.

We also talk about expressing lovingkindness to the world in which we live by how we walk in the world.

This week I invite you to practice lovingkindness.  One way to engage your lovingkindness practice is through a lovingkindness meditation for the body.

I learned this meditation from Sharon Salzberg who learned it from Ananda Maitreya, a Sri Lankan monk, who lived brightly in this world until almost 102 years of age.

In this lovingkindness meditation for the body start at the head—the crown of the head. May my head be happy. May it be peaceful. Then continue by visiting each place in the body—the shoulders, arms, hands, and fingers. The back, the chest, the belly, the organs, the pelvis and hips, the legs, the feet, and the toes. May my toes be happy. May they be peaceful.

A recorded version of this meditation, is available on the member's page for the podcast https://www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. If you are not a member you can sign up and access the meditation on the member’s page.

I hope you enjoy the show. Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support;

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful.

SUPPORT THE SHOW

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. Don't forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Become a member via Patreon. Go here or paste www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser.  All members have access to a new guided meditation each week on Thursdays at the member website.

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Can you be with delays without getting upset? When trouble hits can you accept it without getting angry? When you become ill can you tolerate it, even accept it?

• Join me! Announcing a four-week meditation class, The Four Faces of Love, meeting once a week on Zoom beginning June 7, 2023. In this class we will explore lovingkindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. For more information and to register click here or paste https://yourmindfulpractice.com/book-a-class into your browser. 

Today we’re exploring patience and how cultivating and growing our patience allows us to strengthen our equanimity, accept things as they are, and brings us inner and outer peace.

In the podcast we explore how to be tolerant, how to work with anger, and how forgiveness and compassion come into play when we practice patience. We can’t truly be free and at peace unless we are patient. 

Patience is a characteristic of the mindful person. We’re aware of what is happening in the present moment whether it be delay or harm or pain and we can be with it without allowing frustration or anger to take over. We are tolerant, forgiving, and compassionate to ourselves and others.

I hope you enjoy the show and that you’ll be moved to support the show. 

This week I invite you to practice patience when delay or harm is present. Forgive yourself and others and patiently investigate without blaming; find the root cause; and act with compassion.

If you would like to meditate with me this week I am offering a guided meditation to members of the podcast. Go here for the guided meditation or paste to https://www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser.

Support the show by following or subscribing to the podcast where you listen and by becoming a member via Patreon by going here or pasting  www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser. 

Don’t forget to download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. 

Thank you for listening and I’d also like to thank the people behind the scenes that make it possible

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production;

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show

Be well. Be mindful. 

RESOURCES/CREDITS

Compassion Institute https://www.compassioninstitute.com

The Forgiveness Project https://www.theforgivenessproject.com

SUPPORT THE SHOW

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Become a member via Patreon. Click here or paste  https://www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser. All members have access to a new guided meditation each week at the member website. 

DISCLAIMER

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Do you ever find yourself making excuses such as “I didn’t have time.” “I had to do errands.” “I got busy and forgot.”

Hello everyone and welcome. Today we’re investigating the practice of diligence and how it can not only help us get things done—like for example, our daily meditation—but also how it is about opening to our natural joy and how cultivating a joyful attitude towards what needs to get done helps us complete our tasks and makes us feel good.

We look at the reasons we need to apply diligence to doing our meditation practice and everything else worthwhile in our lives. For example, we need diligence to move from where we are now to some new place. Effort is required but often our minds are lazy. The mind likes the status quo because it likes patterns and habits. And, so we find ourselves being lazy, making excuses, and not doing something even when we know the benefits of doing it. Diligence helps us to overcome the inertia of the mind its laziness.

Diligence also protects us from idleness and defeatism.

Bringing joy to diligence is a game changer. Instead of “I have to,” that sense of “I get to” even if it is hard gives us the uplifting energy we need to see it through.

And, we talk about what to do when it feels difficult or the inertia feels insurmountable.

This week I invite you to practice joyful effort and see how it changes your practice and every day lives and don’t forget to access the guided meditation on the podcast’s member page or paste https://patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser.

Beginning June 7, join me in a four-week class on Love. Each week we’ll explore a different aspect of love including lovingkindness, compassion, joy and, equanimity. This class is live on Zoom. To learn more and book the class go  here or paste https://www.yourmindfulpractice.com/book-a-class into your browser.

Thank you for listening. I so appreciate you and the people behind the scenes that make the podcast possible.

Gorgias Romero for original music, audio engineering and production; 

Bill Rafferty for technical web support; 

Allie Allen for logo and podcast cover design; and 

Margaret Haas for announcing the show 

Be well. Be mindful. 

WEBSITE

www.yourmindfulpractice.com

SUPPORT THE SHOW 

Follow or subscribe to the podcast, download the episodes and share them with friends and on social media. And, don’t forget to review the podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. 

Become a member via Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife. All members have access to each week's guided meditation on the member website or paste https://www.patreon.com/yourmindfullife into your browser. 

BOOK-A-CLASS

Register for the mindfulness meditation class live on Zoom on June 7, 14, 21, and 28. During these four weeks we will explore the Four Faces of Love. For more information or to register click here or paste https://www.yourmindfulpractice.com/book-a-class into your browser.  

DISCLAIMER 

The content in the podcast and on this webpage is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical or health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice and guidance of your health professional. 

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.

Thank you for listening!
Be well. Be mindful.