Ep. 80: Maine Shooter Robert Card Likely Mad at Women (Shocker) and a Maryland Judge is Killed for Protecting a Mom

Family court can be an effed up place. Instead of protecting kids and listening to women, it's unfortunately mostly run by men who side with men and listen to men about men things. As such, if an abusive parent has enough money, they can not only buy custody of their kids, they can also buy the right to torture the other parent. Enter a for-profit scam called parental reunification camps. Run by unqualified and unlicensed individuals, they convince family courts to let them have custody of children in the midst of abuse, traffick them out of state away from their protective parent and then force them to "reunify" with their abusive parent through a series of weird, brainwashing type activities. And it's legal! 

Ally was sent to one such camp at 16, along with her 14-year-old sister, after they reported that they didn't feel safe with their abusive father. As anyone with teens knows, you can hardly convince them to wear a jacket on a 20-below day in winter. What makes adults think they can convince them to disbelieve their own reality of being abused? Jokes on these abuse enablers though—as these young survivors age out of their gag orders, many are choosing to speak out—and they have a LOT to say. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your hairdresser, the pizza delivery guy, a fellow parent in the pick-up line at school, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. It greatly helps us in spreading the word that these issues are ongoing. We appreciate you. 

When masculinity is narrowly defined as lumberjacking and giant biceps, men who don't fit this stereotype are left feeling like they need to prove their manliness in other ways—sometimes harmful and violent ways. A narrow and outdated definition of masculinity harms all people and all gender identities and continues to put women in danger.

Luckily, there are groups out there like MCSR, formerly known as Men Can Stop Rape, an international nonprofit working to mobilize men to use their strength for creating cultures free from violence, especially men’s violence against women. Through their MOST (Men of Strength) Clubs, they're giving young men and boys a safe space to examine what masculinity looks like outside of harmful stereotypes and giving men tools to push back against their peers who still think the cavemen tactic of clubbing women in order to win them over is a foolproof plan. 

Our special guest today is Josh Bailey, Community Education Manager for MCSR’s Community Education Department. Yes, we're giving a man a microphone but we promise it pays off. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with someone in your life who's as smart and fired up as you, by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review below. We appreciate you! 

In yet another chapter of the popular tome, It's All Her Fault: Why Women Can Never Do Anything Right Including Simply Breathing, we discuss why women who manage to be talented and successful are then torn down for being talented and successful until they're not talented or successful any longer at which point they'll be criticized for not trying hard enough. 

In this case, it's Taylor Swift's turn. In case you missed the absurd headlines of late, right-wing conspiracy theorists, MAGA folk, Qanon and Fox News have decided to band together and push this idea that T. Swift has been implanted into the obviously highly influential world of the National Football League via the government, along with her tight end (giggle) boyfriend Travis Kelce, in order to then get a larger platform than she already had before to convince the whole of the United States of America to vote for President Joe Biden in the upcoming election.

Whether or not you're a Swiftie, this trend of tearing successful women down (by both men and other women, sadly) is one we need to end. It's giving middle school bullies. It's giving petty. And it's also mirroring abuse in a lot of ways.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. (You can also find merch!)

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend at this Sunday's Super Bowl party, or maybe just a random stranger in line at the grocery store while you're buying ingredients for guacamole. We would also so appreciate a rating or review so that this pod may reach more people to start even more conversations about ending violence against women. Thank you and we appreciate you. 

Can you believe it's been three years of Toxic? And wouldn't you know it, we haven't run out of toxic topics to discuss yet. Go, society! Thank you for sticking with us through the hard conversations. To celebrate, we were given the best present: our first award. We recently found out that we won the Social Change Maker Award from She Podcasts' first-ever Sonic Bloom Awards and we're a little proud of that. OK, a lot proud. To effect social change through these conversations is our number one goal. These stories aren't always easy to hear, but we believe anger fuels action. You have to get angry about some of this in such a way that makes you want to do something…anything…to help. And for us, that begins with talking and morphs into education, awareness, marching, voting, and reaching all of you. 

Today's episode is all about grooming. But not your armpit hair and not your goldendoodle. Grooming of victims by abusers. The most at-risk group for this are women between 18 and 24, but groomers can target teens who are often even more vulnerable. We welcome Eileen Martin, mental health therapist and survivor, to talk about her own experience of being groomed at 17. Parents and anyone who exists around teens will definitely want to listen for what the red flags are that could indicate a young person is being groomed. 

Before we talk grooming, Jenna and Amanda also HAVE to give a shout-out to their hero, excuse me, shero, of the f'ing week: E. Jean Carroll. A jury out of Manhattan just awarded her $83.3 million from former president and accused rapist Donald Trump after he verbally harassed and degraded her for years following her 2019 disclosure that he assaulted her in a dressing room. She says she can't wait to spend the settlement on something he hates, like helping other survivors of sexual assault. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

Welcome to 2024 where a good number of men are still audacious beyond belief and women are still saying "WTF just let me live, dammit" every five seconds. Among them, many of the daughters who grew up Duggar, as in TLC's most viewed show ever, 19 Kids and Counting Duggar. Jill released a memoir at the end of 2023, Counting the Cost, that called out everyone who was complacent in her repressed, abusive and highly controlled religious upbringing, and we are here for it. We talk Jim Bob, IBLP (Institute of Basic Life Principals) and the "Shiny, Happy People" documentary. It's a lot to unpack, but stay with us because at the end we close out the episode with special guest Dr. Janja Lalich, an international authority on cults, extremism, and coercion. She offers some much-needed insight into how cults operate and advice on how to know if that new self-help support group you just joined online is actually a cult. (Heads up, MLMs can be cults, too.) Dr. Lalich can be found at janjalalich.com or lalichcenter.org.  

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

Hey cats and kittens, we didn't want to leave you on this holiday without a non-depressing, one might even say "lighthearted" episode. And this is it. Based off your votes, we both (regrettably) watched the zinger "12 Men of Christmas," a Lifetime holiday movie from 2009 that didn't really include Christmas until the last few minutes, but did include objectifying men, introducing characters we had no interest in knowing further, a plot with way too many subplots, the girl from My Girl and, of course, the incomparable Tony-award-winning Kristin Chenoweth not singing, which was a crime unto itself. Please to be enjoying and we'll see you in 2024 with more toxic masculinity BS. Stay safe this holiday and remember, believe women and believe survivors.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

Please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your Elf on the Shelf, your feminist aunt, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

We’ve seen this story play out one too many times. After a documented history of domestic violence by her partner Daniel Walker, 40-year-old Tyesha Wayne of Sahuarita, Arizona fought back this past August. While he attacked her in their garage, she grabbed a gun, pointed it at him, and asked him to leave her alone. He didn’t. Tyesha fatally shot Daniel in self-defense and the courts are calling it premeditated murder, saying Tyesha’s previous record would show a history of domestic violence against Daniel. Her previous record? Being strangled by Daniel to the point of unconsciousness only for her to be arrested immediately afterward. It’s almost like the system has a vendetta against women…..but that can’t be real, can it?

Oh, but it seems it can be. Previous episodes of Toxic where we discuss survivors who were arrested and often jailed for defending themselves from their abuser include:

Ep. 64—Nikki Addimando was sentenced to 19 years for killing her abusive partner. She’s still in jail but is set to get out next year….finally.

Ep. 60—Kayla Fassio didn’t serve jail time but she was arrested after she called for help after an altercation with her abusive partner.

Ep. 55—Rachel Bellesen shot her abusive ex after he attacked her and tried to rape her. She faced life behind bars.

Ep. 42—Marissa Alexander was originally sentenced to 20 years in jail after firing a warning shot toward her husband who had attacked and then threatened to kill her. 

Ep. 32—Kim Dadou Brown spent 17 years behind bars for killing her abusive partner as he tried to strangle her to death.

Ep. 30—Survivor Robin nonfatally shot her abusive partner after he attacked and tried to kill her. She was arrested and he was not. He then went on to abuse his next wife.

Tyesha deserves justice, peace and safety, and we hope you think so, too. Toxic will provide updates as we learn them.

Also, mentioned in the episode was a previous one we did with Ed Sakwa, CEO of Emerge in Tucson, talking about whether or not abusers can reform. That episode number is 38 if you want to learn more about that.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

The best holiday gift you can give us is helping to spread this conversation further. You can do that by sharing any episode of Toxic with a friend, a coworker, your mom, a random stranger in line at the post office, etc.; by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media; or by leaving us a five-star review. We appreciate you. 

One of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's children created a post on Instagram lamenting his "f*cking awful human being" of a dad, calling the Oscar winner a "terrible and despicable person" who will "never understand the damage you have done to my family." Though Pax, now 19, posted this in 2020, the image was recently leaked for all of us to read and no longer avoid. 

In 2016, the apparently Toxic Brad drunkenly attacked his then-wife Angelina and his children while flying on a private jet. The incident was said to be the impetus for the couple's subsequent divorce. And while Brad was heralded for getting sober after the fact, what wasn't as highly publicized was his attempt to silence Angelina about his previous misdeeds by making her sign a non-disclosure agreement. 

With disappointment that yet another man we all once thought was the cat's pajamas has grossly failed us, we've got to talk about this. 

However, we're not reluctant to talk about Matt Rife, because we all kind of knew he was a tool, right? If you haven't heard of this comedian who thinks jokes about violence against women are the best way to connect with his mostly female audience, well, strap in.

Also, we need to discuss the some 3,000 civil lawsuits filed thanks to the Adult Survivors Act, a New York state law that granted victims of gender-based violence permission to sue their attackers even after the statute of limitations ended. This is like an early Christmas present for us all. The law expired on Nov. 23 (though will hopefully be renewed) and then the headlines went wild. We're talking Axel Rose (not shocking), Sean P. Diddy Combs, Jamie Foxx, the entire New York prison system and many more. TAKE 'EM DOWN, SURVIVORS.

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. You can also find a link to our store and get some pretty sweet merch preaching about how women don't want to be killed anymore! Makes for a great Christmas present!

Also, please help us spread this conversation further by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your favorite teacher, your least favorite teacher, a random stranger in line at the post office, your wine aunt, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

In breaking news, it seems guns aren't the only problem America has. We know half the population may not like this news, but it appears men are also an epidemic. Not all but far too many males are throwing temper tantrums with semi-automatic rifles when angry at women for setting actual boundaries or trying to live independently. 

Of the 565 mass shootings SO FAR THIS YEAR in the U.S., every single one has been perpetuated by a man. And accroding to Everytown for Gun Safety, at least 60 percent of mass shooting have roots in domestic violence, but that's only counting the domestic violence that was disclosed. 

In the case of Robert Card who, last week, took the lives of 18 individuals ranging in age from 14 to 76, sources close to him say he chose a bowling alley and a bar because they were spots he and his ex-girlfriend frequented in the past and he was likely hoping she'd be among his victims. 

Jenna and Amanda discuss the motivation of those in charge for keeping women safe: Why are we so reluctant to do that? Why is it so hard to stay alive as a woman being stalked by an abuser? It can't possibly be because we're worth less than other humans, right? 

You'll also hear about Judge Andrew Wilkinson who ruled that a violent and scary abusive man couldn't be trusted with his four young children and this logic cost him his life. In the meantime, why do police only protect women after an abuser has killed someone? 

On this last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, make a pledge to do one thing to be a part of the solution. Start talking about what's going on. Help us spread this conversation by sharing an episode of Toxic with a friend, your dentist, a random stranger in line at the grocery store, etc., by following us on your favorite podcast platform or social media, or by leaving us a review. We appreciate you. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it. 

In this survivor story, Mimi bravely shares with us what happened in 2012 when she decided to leave her abusive boyfriend for the last and final time. She knew he was an avid gun collector, but it never occurred to her that he would actually use one against her. Survivors of domestic violence often have a difficult time seeing the escalation of danger they face while in the thick of it. After all, in between abusive episodes, they are love-bombed, given promises of change and a romanticized version of a perfect future just ahead. Except, it's all a lie. The only thing real is the cycle of power and control that will continue to dominate their life. Learn how the police talked Mimi out of getting an order of protection weeks earlier, but finally came to her aid when she had a gun pressed to her temple. The madness continues.

In the episode, we mention Mimi found help and healing through the nonprofit Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence. If you're a survivor of abuse or simply suspect something's off in your relationship, consider reaching out to an advocate near you. You can find your closest domestic violence nonprofit on the DomesticShelters.org Get Help page.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please consider sharing your favorite episode of Toxic with a friend, family member, coworker or complete stranger. The more we talk about this, the better a chance we'll collectively start to take it more seriously. Every day, three women or girls are killed by an partner. This number should be zero. Also, visit our Instagram page for daily challenges all this month to help raise awareness around domestic violence. 

Do you have a story you think we need to discuss or a guest we should have on? Visit us at ToxicthePodcast.com and tell us all about it.