Podcast Summary
The Complexity of Hiding: Hiding can be a natural response to vulnerability, a self-protective strategy, or an enjoyable experience. However, it's crucial to be found and recognized by others to avoid the 'disaster not to be found'.
Hiding, whether it's a natural response to vulnerability or a self-protective strategy, is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon. It can be seen in various forms throughout nature, fairy tales, and our own personal experiences. For instance, when we're faced with something bigger or overwhelming, hiding can serve as a shield against being overwhelmed. During sensitive stages of life, such as puberty, hiding can provide a much-needed space for growth and development. Hiding can also be an enjoyable experience, like playing hide and seek, where the sense of power and transgression can be thrilling. However, it's important to remember that while hiding can be beneficial, it's also essential to be found and recognized by others. As Winnicott famously said, "It is a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found."
The desire to be hidden and discovered in relationships: Understanding the complex emotions and developmental functions of hiding and being discovered can help us build deeper, more authentic relationships.
The dynamic between being hidden and discovered plays a significant role in human relationships, both in and outside of the therapeutic context. People may have a strong desire to be discovered while also experiencing shame or fear around revealing themselves. This dynamic can bring up complex emotions, including excitement, pleasure, and ambivalence. The act of hiding can also serve important developmental functions, particularly during adolescence, when keeping secrets and maintaining a sense of autonomy is essential. However, when hiding becomes problematic, it can negatively impact relationships and lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection. Ultimately, understanding the intricacies of this dynamic can help us better navigate our interpersonal experiences and foster deeper, more authentic connections with others.
Impact of Hiding on Relationships and Sense of Self: Hiding, whether intentional or unconscious, can limit personality, prevent meaningful connections, and impact sense of self. Awareness of hiding motivations is crucial for growth.
Hiding, whether intentional or unconscious, can have profound impacts on our relationships and our sense of self. When we hide as a strategic response to external pressures, such as in the case of Anne Frank, it can save lives. However, when hiding behaviors from childhood become habits, they can lead to the formation of a mask, or false self, which can limit our personality and make us believe we are that mask. Unconscious hiding can result in a divide between our authentic selves and what is hidden, leading to a lack of connection with others and an inability to fully express ourselves. It's important to be aware of when we're hiding out of fear or a desire for safety, rather than in service of growth, as this can prevent us from living our fullest lives and forming meaningful connections with others.
Bringing talents out of hiding: Facing fears and bringing our soul out of hiding allows for personal growth and deeper relationships
The parable of the talents speaks to the importance of using our talents and abilities, rather than hiding them. Psychologically, hiding can stem from fear and vulnerability, and can lead to a deadening of personal growth. This can be seen in various aspects of life, such as in the coming out process for individuals discovering their sexual orientation, or in interpersonal relationships where one person may distance themselves from the other. However, to develop and grow, we must face our fears and bring our soul out of hiding, even if it feels uncomfortable or risky. This not only helps us to authentically connect with ourselves, but also allows us to build deeper, more meaningful relationships with others.
The Dynamic of Hiding and Pursuing in Relationships: Moving towards vulnerability and uncertainty in relationships can lead to deep intimacy and transformation, instead of hiding or pursuing which creates a safe distance and prevents true connection.
The dynamic of hiding and pursuing in relationships, whether it's between two people or within ourselves, can prevent true intimacy and connection. Hiding can manifest as distancing or keeping secrets, while pursuing can lead to a focus on getting something from the other person rather than being present. This dynamic creates a safe distance for both parties and keeps them from truly meeting. Rumi's poetry offers a contrasting perspective, emphasizing the ecstatic process of the meeting where two people come together and are grounded in their essential core. The meeting can be risky and uncertain, but it's also a potential source of deep intimacy and transformation. Ultimately, the challenge is to move towards the meeting, embracing the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with it.
The hidden or occult: personal shadows and secret knowledge: The hidden or occult encompasses personal aspects of ourselves and knowledge that is secret or dangerous, found in areas like dreams, magic, and esoteric practices. It's essential for individuality and self-sovereignty, but also a natural defense mechanism during self-discovery and healing.
The concept of the hidden or occult can hold various meanings, from the personal shadow aspects of ourselves to knowledge that is secret or dangerous. Hidden knowledge can be found in areas like dreams, magic, and esoteric practices, often held by secret societies due to its potential danger in uninitiated hands. On a more personal level, the ability to hide aspects of ourselves is essential for developing individuality and maintaining a sense of sovereignty. However, the self can also be fragile and delicate during the process of self-discovery and healing from wounds or trauma, making hiding a natural defense mechanism. Ultimately, the hidden or occult can represent the unknown, the mysterious, and the overwhelming, requiring us to approach it with care and respect.
The delicate emergence of the soul in therapy: Therapists should recognize and value the emergence of a vulnerable inner part of clients, rather than trying to suppress it.
According to Donald Kalshed's work, the soul, which is a vulnerable and special inner part of us, can be hidden away due to trauma to protect it. This hidden part of the psyche may later emerge, but it can be met with resistance from the protector part of the self, which may become a persecutor. The emergence of the soul is a delicate process and can be surprising for both the therapist and the client. A fairy tale image from "The Grimms' Tale, Many Fur," illustrates this process well, as the princess in disguise gradually reveals herself to the prince. This work in therapy is not heroic or forceful, but rather requires the right conditions for the soul to emerge. It's important for therapists to recognize and value the emergence of this vulnerable part of the self, rather than trying to lock it away again.
Understanding the meaning behind our dreams: Dreams can reveal our deepest fears, vulnerabilities, and opportunities for growth, offering insights into our inner world and helping us better understand ourselves.
Our dreams often reflect our deepest fears and vulnerabilities, which can be alarming when we first encounter them. However, the context of the dream and the role of different parts of the psyche can provide valuable insights. For example, in the dream discussed, a woman's fear of crashing in a van driven by someone else may represent her feeling powerless or passive in certain situations. But the fact that she is a passenger in the dream could also signify an opportunity for growth and adventure if she allows herself to be led by other parts of her psyche. The dream may also be a reflection of her frustration and feelings of being out of control in her waking life, as indicated by her work and skin issues. Overall, dreams can provide valuable information about our inner world and help us better understand ourselves if we approach them with an open and curious mind.
Inner conflict between beauty and fear: Dream may symbolize fear hidden beneath fascination, inner turmoil affecting actions, and need for caution in life
The dream may represent the dreamer's inner conflict between feeling marveled by beauty and experiencing fear, possibly due to her passive response to concerning situations in her waking life. The van symbolizes her ego, which is bigger than a regular car but enclosed and carrying unidentified contents. The dreamer's feeling of dread, as suggested by the word "dreadlocks," may be hidden and not fully acknowledged, leading to a disconnect between her feelings and actions. The dream's warning of flying too high and too fast may be a metaphor for the dreamer's life, urging her to pay attention and be cautious in her actions. Additionally, her frustration at work might be a real-life manifestation of this inner conflict.
Dreams and physical symptoms interconnected: Ignoring dreams or physical symptoms could lead to negative outcomes, and paying attention to them may help identify underlying emotional or mental health issues
Our dreams and physical symptoms may be interconnected and could serve as indicators of underlying emotional or mental health issues. The speaker shares an analogy of driving a car, where being too passive or too aggressive can lead to negative consequences. Similarly, in our lives, ignoring our dreams or physical symptoms could result in unwanted outcomes. The speaker also discusses the possibility of a connection between eczema and emotional stress or internal conflicts, as suggested by early psychoanalysts. Overall, paying attention to our dreams and physical symptoms could help us identify potential issues and take necessary steps towards addressing them.
Understanding Frustration in Young Adulthood: Frustration in young adulthood can indicate inner turmoil and disconnect. Escapism and avoidance can be risky, so it's essential to balance escaping and facing challenges to build frustration tolerance.
Frustration can be a sign of inner turmoil and disconnect, especially during the developmental years of the twenties when individuals are figuring out their identity and purpose. This frustration can manifest in various ways, such as difficulty taking effective action or disconnecting from problems through escapism. The dream of flying off a mountain and disappearing into space may represent this tendency to disconnect and avoid confronting challenges. However, it's important to note that this behavior can come with risks, as seen in the story of Jung's friend who died while mountain climbing after having a similar dream. Therefore, it's crucial to find a balance between escaping and facing challenges head-on, and to develop frustration tolerance to navigate the uncertain terrain of young adulthood.
Balancing learning and taking risks in early career stages: Find a balance between enduring frustrations and impulsively leaving jobs or cities, remember career and life are journeys requiring patience, persistence, and engagement.
Navigating the early stages of one's career and life can be a challenging experience. Many young people feel the tension between enduring frustrations and impulsively leaving jobs or cities. This desire to fly off and explore new opportunities is a common struggle for this generation. It's essential to find a balance between learning the ropes and taking risks. Remember, your career and life are journeys that require patience, persistence, and engagement. Keep listening to This Union Life for more insights and share your thoughts on topics you'd like us to cover. Until next time, keep living this union life.
