Episode 89: Dealing with the Ghost of Christmas Past

Relationships can be viewed many different ways. We can see them as opportunities to grow and learn more about ourselves, or fall into unhealthy patterns that leads to enmeshment and codependency.

In this episode, I share my story, the challenges I've encountered along the way, and the decisions I made to help me find love and happiness.

Spoiler: The answers might not be what you think.

Support the Podcast:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
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More Information:

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I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

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Many think that it's easier to stick with what we know (even if it's not healthy for us) than face the fear of the unknown.

Reasons why we resist change:

Fear of the unknown, anxiety, doubt, worry, and helplessness.

And sometimes there's the belief that since this is all we know, we can't imagine anything beyond it (or that we deserve something better, so we settle).

But there is a way to overcome our internal resistance to change.

Let's learn together.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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If we're always working on ourselves and at our jobs, family and with doing chores, when will have time to be a kid again?

Having fun is essential to learning about who we are, what we like, and being comfortable in our own skin. 

Let's be sure to take time to list what we can do to relax and give ourselves downtime.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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There is no magic bullet that's going to solve all your problems. It's okay to accept that the road to healing takes time and is not linear. 

In this week's episode, we'll discuss how to use tools and skills that we can learn to help propel us forward on our journey of healing and growth.

Resources:

• Interview with Japanese filmmaker Akira Kurosawa on comparing writing/film making with climbing a mountain. 
• Brené Brown's blog post on "no magic bullet".

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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Perfectionism can be cloaked in your trying to be there for everyone and in doing "all the things." 

Take time to reflect and be honest with yourself:

• How do you handle failure?
• Are you taking care of yourself?
• Can you handle change?

If you have Netflix, be sure to watch the film Nyad (watch the trailer). It's a good film about marathon swimmer Diana Nyad that shows how perfectionism can be admirable yet also devastating to the people around you.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

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Each of us has a choice: We can continue to try and hit our light from the rest the world to just "get by" or we can live up to our full potential.

In today's episode, we'll talk about stepping out of our comfort zone in order to grow and embrace hope.

We all have fears. Pretending that we don't and trying to ignore or repress our fears will only make them stronger.

Shining a light on what we fear, admitting to that, and taking healthy risks can take us on the path toward healing and happiness.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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When difficult problems come upon you in life, how do you deal with those times?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or where one (or both) of your parents struggled with addiction, you might never have seen healthy problem-solving behaviors.

Building a network to help you during times of stress, along with learning skills to help you with process your emotions, effectively communicate, and solve problems are all ways to growth.

Some good skills to learn are:

• Differentiating between what you cannot change and what you can is key.
• Building strong boundaries between you and others.
• Strengthening your adult voice (e.g., "Is this true?" or "Is this healthy for me?") is also essential.

The tools mentioned in this episode are:

• The Twelve Steps
• The Serenity Prayer
• Journal writing
• Attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Family) meetings
• Talking with a therapist

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

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In this episode, we'll learn how to overcome feeling lonely and like we don't fit in as well as the importance of building a social network around us.

What are some basic steps that we can do to help ourselves? 

1. Identify and allow yourself to feel your emotions. 

2. Step out (slightly) of your comfort zone. 

3. Be easy on yourself. 

Resources:

• How to Stop Ruminating NY Times article.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

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• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

Take time to do the following:

• Perform an inventory of people in your life to see who tries to pull you into their drama or is a chaotic friend.
• Strengthen your boundaries and give yourself time to take of yourself.
  • We don't have to jump to answer a call or text immediately. Give yourself the space your need.
• With the extra time you have by creating distance from those chaotic friends, use the time to heal and have fun.

Resources:

• Identify Your ‘Energy Vampires’ and ‘Chaotic Friends’

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)

As we continue onward on our journey for 2024, let's talk about the importance of forgiveness.

When I look back at my life, I see some of the mistakes that I made or weaknesses I had that trapped me in a circle of dysfunctional behaviors.

But as I learned, practiced new communication and self-care skills, I realized that I needed to let go of the past before I could fully move forward.

A big part of that was to forgive my past self.

To become a fully indvidualized person, I needed to embrace all of who I was and let go of feeling bad for myself.

From a practical perspective, that meant that I needed to forgive myself and then create a support system around me.

Let's learn how to do that together.

Help keep the podcast going in 2024:

• Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

• Spotify

• Apple podcasts

• Google podcasts

• Amazon music

• RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)