Episode Eight: Gratitude, Selfless Service, and the Power of Focus

In this episode we discuss the phenomenon of traumatic exposure in three parts. First, we define what trauma is and explore how the definition has changed and expanded over time. Second, we break down what is happening within our bodies when we are in the middle of a traumatic event. We discuss how the information associated with danger produces rapid, profound changes in our body and can overwhelm our mind’s ability to effectively deal with the situation. We take a look at a conceptual framework clinicians and researchers use to understand what is happening during trauma, the adaptive information processing model, and we discuss how it helps a person to understand the kinds of reactions they may have to traumatic exposure. Third, we discuss four major categories of reactions that a person can have after having gone through a traumatic event: reexperiencing, activation, avoidance, and negative cognitions/beliefs.

We explore the different kinds of reexperiencing episodes a person may have following trauma and relate these back to the information processing model. We then explore types of activation in order to understand how they manifest. Coping mechanisms that involve avoidance behaviors are then described, in an effort to distinguish conscious and unconscious processes, and we touch on the possible role traumatic brain injuries can play in these behaviors. Finally, we explore how undergoing trauma can radically change a person’s world view, resulting in negative cognitions and beliefs about the safety of the world and the individual’s place in it.

By understanding what trauma is, how it is processed in the body and mind during exposure, and what may happen following trauma, a person can better understand the path to recovering from traumatic exposure. This understanding will set the stage for beginning to visualize what trauma recovery looks like, for learning about approaches to healing trauma, and for discovering a pathway toward post-traumatic growth. 

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Recorded and edited at Studio 970West, Grand Junction, CO.

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In this episode we conclude our two-part look at the process of psychotherapy. We discuss how therapy can be seen to fail when a patient participates but does not experience any relief from their symptoms and how therapy can be seen to be “stuck” when the patient does not feel any sense of progress in their treatment. We examine the phenomenon of therapeutic failure by discussing patient factors, therapist factors, and intervention factors.

As discussed in the last episode, there are responsibilities in the role of both patient and therapist. In this episode, we explore how therapy becomes ineffective or stuck when these responsibilities are neglected. For patients who have had unsatisfying therapy experiences, this knowledge can help them understand why the process broke down and empower them to address these issues with their current therapist or someone else who might be a better fit for that patient. Boundaries and ground rules of therapy are also discussed, as these provide safety for the patient and ensure that the therapist does no harm to the patient.

Finally, we engage in a practical discussion of how to go about finding a therapist, what kinds of questions to ask as you are interviewing a potential therapist, and what to expect as you begin a therapeutic relationship.

By better understanding what causes therapy to stall or fail, you can learn how to choose a therapist that is a good fit for your needs and how to properly evaluate the progress within that therapeutic relationship.
 
 

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In this episode we begin a two-part look at the process of psychotherapy. We define the process of talk therapy, and we discuss the roles and responsibilities of both the person seeking therapy and the person providing therapy. We explain the difference between the use of the terms “client” and “patient” and examine the context behind the use of these two terms.

The person seeking therapy has two basic responsibilities in therapy: to disclose relevant information about how their issue/concern is impacting their life, and to participate in the therapy process. We then discuss the role and many responsibilities of the professional who provides therapy. We also explain what an intervention is and how it relates to the responsibilities of the provider.

We then turn our attention to exploring the ways in which psychotherapy helps people get better. As an overview, we discuss the listening intervention, the feedback intervention, the use of homework or experiments, and the intervention of therapeutic modeling, sometimes called “re-parenting."

For those considering whether or not to try therapy, this episode can provide an introduction and orientation that will demystify the therapeutic process and help them set their expectations. For the person who is or has been in therapy, this episode can serve as a practical explanation and review of the boundaries and proper function of the therapeutic relationship.

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Part Two: The Power of Patterns

In the second part of this two-part series on relationships, we look at how repeating patterns of conflict are created in relationships, and we look at how to identify and address these negative cycles.

First, we discuss how our earliest experiences as infants with our caregivers condition the neurophysiological basis of these patterns. Second, we discuss how the experiences we have in childhood with our larger family system and with other children shape our cognitive-behavioral patterns within relationships. In the third part of the episode, we explore how these patterns can be identified and addressed on your own or within a therapy relationship.

In order to understand our destructive patterns, we must embark on a mindful evaluation of our significant relationships by conducting a relationship inventory. For each person we consider to have been a significant relationship in our life, we examine what attracted us to that person, what the good aspects of the relationship were, what the trouble spots of the relationship were, and what ultimately broke up the relationship (or, in relationships that are still active, we look at how difficult conflicts are resolved between us and our partner).

We analyze the dynamics of the relationship not to assign blame, but to understand how difficulties gain a foothold in our relationships and to see what might be driving them. We look for how these patterns affect our partner selection criteria, our evaluation of the quality of our relationships, and our communication strategy with our partner. Ultimately, our goal is to see what has to change in order to end these destructive patterns and to create the conditions for healthier, more connected relationships.

We can learn to understand how we came to co-create recurring negative patterns in our relationships, and we can learn how to make positive changes in the way we select a potential partner, evaluate a relationship, and communicate with our partner. We can make changes that bring us closer to fulfilling the full potential of loving partnership.

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Recorded and edited at Studio 970West, Grand Junction, CO.

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Part One: Attachment Theory

In honor of February and Valentine’s Day, we begin a two-part exploration into how our past affects the quality of our relationships. In Part One, we begin by discussing attachment theory. Since its introduction in the 1950s and its refinement over the years, attachment theory has become the dominant view of how our early childhood experiences come to influence the types of relationships we have as adults. We will explore the background and experimental basis of attachment theory and discuss in detail the four attachment styles that flow from the experimental work of Dr. John Bowlby and others.

We will look at how the early experiences that form our attachment style come into play in our adult relationships, especially in our primary, romantic relationships. We will also discuss the relevance and limitations of attachment theory as a pathway to improve our relationships.

Our early childhood experiences with our caregivers often condition us to seek out and repeat certain kinds of experiences in our adult relationships. We can gain understanding of these styles in order to make positive changes that will bring us greater joy, intimacy, and connection with our partners. 

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Self esteem is a way of describing how we think and feel about ourselves and our worthiness. While low self-esteem (or low self-confidence) is not a specific diagnosis or separate pathology, it is often a component of mental health diagnoses. In addition, low self-esteem is a common complaint that comes up in the course of psychotherapy.

The Two-Factor theory of self-esteem says that our level of self-esteem is a product of what we do and what we say to ourselves about what we do. If we are engaged in behavior that is wrong in some way—i.e., it falls short of the standards we hold—it leads us to hold a negative view of ourselves.  

When our behavior is objectively acceptable and not inherently or morally wrong, we might still have a low opinion of ourselves. We might be holding ourselves to an unreasonable standard that we have adopted from a source outside of ourselves, such as the opinion of an earlier authority figure in our lives. Often, the way in which we receive and process positive feedback and compliments is a primary way in which we are speaking to ourselves about the things we are doing. 

To build self-esteem, we must have the courage to reflect on the charges we are holding against ourselves and the commitment to examine where these standards come from. We must engage in a process of evaluating these standards and decide for ourselves whether or not they are reasonable standards. We must consider whether the metrics for our self-assessment are based on objective, measurable factors or simply based on how we are feeling. Finally, we can learn to take in positive feedback from a place of humble gratitude, which begins to retrain our mind to assess our own behavior in a way that is more reasonable, more compassionate, and more objective. 

By bringing our behavior into alignment with standards we believe in, we will naturally re-shape the things we say and feel about ourselves. This begins and sustains the process of building healthy self-esteem. 

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Recorded and edited at Studio 970West, Grand Junction, CO.

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Have you made resolutions in the past, only to fall back into the same old patterns a little while later? Why do get trapped into patterns of failure? If we are to make changes for the better in our lives, we need to understand why we keep doing the same actions over and over again, even when we know they will result in failure.

When we are trapped in patterns that don’t serve us, we stop seeing reality as it is. Instead, we filter out the broader information available to us and take in only a small slice of what is actually happening. This process of filtering data to fit what we are used to can lead us to believe that we already know all there is to know about a situation or person in our lives. This fallacy of certitude reinforces the information we already have and closes us off to new perspectives that might help us to actually solve the problem. We repeat the pattern of behavior, thinking we know all there is to know, and we keep reaping terrible results. Without fail, this downward spiral leads us to conclude that change is not possible and that things will never get better. 

We can resolve to see reality as it is, observing what is actually in front of us with fresh eyes. We can resolve to pursue humility about what we know, rekindling curiosity in our lives, opening the door to learning and growing. As we take in new information, we can learn new skills and try new approaches to problem solving, and this gives us the courage to resolve to make positive changes in our lives.

Like an artist who uses the power of observation to bring a fresh perspective to a work of art that moves us, we can refresh our natural curiosity and begin to approach life with more hope.

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During this season, it is natural to evaluate the past year and to think about our plans for the new year. In the process of self-assessment, we should avoid the tendency to focus only on the negatives.
Where we put our attention tends to expand and become confirmed by the information we filter into our conscious attention. Cognitive distortion can occur, and this is a significant component in both depressive and anxiety disorders. Excessive focus on ourselves, our problems, and our mistakes can quickly lead to a spiral of negative thoughts. We can understand the importance of learning to shift our focus away from ourselves and onto more positive subjects.
We can train our minds to pay attention to the many ways we are supported in daily life, and that will help us feel gratitude for the blessings around us. Even on our worst days, we can choose to notice the complex web of human activities that support our life, giving us hope and helping us feel a sense of positive connection with the community and world around us.
When we have a grateful attitude, we naturally fill up with good feelings. With a heart full of gratitude, we can put our attention on serving others with acts of genuine kindness.  Human history and modern research demonstrate the many positive benefits of engaging in acts of service, both to ourselves and to our community. Our spirits are lifted, and our community benefits from an increase in social cohesion.

We can learn to focus on gratitude, lifting our own level of mental health and making our community a warmer, more-connected place.

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The holiday season can be a time for happiness and creating good memories, but it can also be a time of stress. Unrealistic expectations, a lack of structure, and over-indulgence can put pressure on us and our ability to cope. If we travel to spend time with family we haven’t seen in a while, old family dynamics and dysfunction can throw even the most grounded person off-balance. 

Why is it sometimes so hard to be around family and old friends? What lies beneath the unhealthy patterns of conflict that can emerge during the holiday season? 

By understanding and managing our expectations, we can set and attain more reasonable goals for the holiday visit. By analyzing past holiday successes and failures, we can develop a plan to make this holiday season much less stressful and more enjoyable. By focusing on a few sound guidelines, we can give ourselves and our loved ones a chance at reducing old patterns of conflict and having a truly happy holiday season.

Holidays are meant to be enjoyed, not just survived! By preparing ahead of time and taking better care of ourselves, the holidays can once again be a time of connection, renewal, and treasured memories. 

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Human beings learn by making mistakes and learning from them. Living in relationship with other people, we will inevitably end up hurting others and being hurt by other people. Therefore, it is crucial for our development and social survival that we understand and apply the technology of forgiveness. We must understand the process of asking for and extending forgiveness to other people. In this episode, we will examine the meaning of forgiveness and investigate why it can be so hard to forgive ourselves and other people for the injuries we sustain. We will break down the components of an effective apology, which can set the stage for healing in relationships where we have hurt other people, and we will discuss an in-depth process that will help us to forgive others for the debts we hold against them for the injuries they have caused us. 

We can learn to understand and apply the technology of forgiveness to bring healing to ourselves and our relationships.

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Recorded and edited at Studio 970West, Grand Junction, CO.

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