Expecting Baby: New fathering & supportive partnering, with Dr. Dan Singley

If you are a parent of a child in therapy or are considering it in the future, it may seem like a bit of a mystery what happens in that room when the door closes.  Chris offers us a look into the process of therapy that is informational and comforting.  As one who specializes in trauma therapies and serves a wide variety of clients, he helps to demystify some of the unknown.  

Through this conversation, Chris gives us some insight into the practical aspects of what therapy might look like for our children. He also shares his trust in the wisdom and intuition of children working through trauma and explains how providing a safe, open environment and a strong connection is the most powerful tool that we have in helping children heal, not only in the therapist’s office but also in the family home.

I’m grateful to Chris for having this conversation and he provided us with some great resources which are linked below.  

https://www.treehousetraumacentre.com/

The International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation https://www.isst-d.org/

https://drdansiegel.com/books/

https://www.complextrauma.ca/

And the earlier episode we mentioned of Parenting in the Trenches with Lisa Dion: https://www.my.thrive-life.ca/parenting-in-the-trenches-s8e3

Welcome to Part Two of this conversation!  

In Part One, Dr. Lark and I set the stage with some discussion around the types and forms of Anxiety we are seeing in our kids and the clear need for us to help them so that they can learn to manage their Anxiety.  If you missed Part One, please go back and listen - Lark helps us understand Anxiety in a way that honors its complexity and nuance while simplifying some of the more difficult concepts that we can find confusing as parents watching our children struggle.

Children are experiencing increasing rates of Anxiety and it is imperative that we provide them with help to stay connected and to work through their Anxiety. Unfortunately there’s no silver bullet to ease the worry and fears for our children, but there are many things we can offer them from connection and mindfulness to meeting their basic physiological needs that can bolster their ability to grow and build resilience.  Dr. Lark and I offer some tools and strategies in this episode that are known to be helpful.  

We also paint a no fault, no guilt picture of why we are where we are, with our children experiencing Anxiety that may at times stem from our own.  In naming what is happening in this process we are not laying blame, but instead acknowledging the reality that we are all affected by stressors around us, and that the resulting Anxiety exists.  It actually can’t be avoided, and none of us are immune.  It’s part of the human experience.  

Understanding the Anxiety we see in our Children is important so that we can support them and know when and how to reach out for additional help.  You are not alone, watching your kiddo in this hard space.  

Here with you,
Karen

 In this episode Lark and I set the stage with some discussion around the types and forms of Anxiety we are seeing in our kids; the possible roots of it, the manifestations of it, and the differences between as well as the commonalities of situational anxiety and Generalized Anxiety. 

This conversation offers insight into the current increasing overall state of Anxiety that we are seeing our kids experience on a massive scale due to the last few years of isolation, fear and stress that we have all lived through and continue to process as a global community.  The picture is not pretty, with Anxiety and Addition rates skyrocketing. We’re making an effort to look honestly at the reality of the situation, which enables us to foresee the challenges and offer hope through strategies based on connection which promote resilience.  

This episode is sure to inform and hopefully clarify some things around Anxiety for parents with children struggling in this area.  For practical tools and common sense reminders, but sure to tune in next week to Part 2 when Lark and I dig into supporting our children through connection, co regulation and more.

If you'd like to explore Dr. Lark's work, you can check that out here:

https://www.larkeshleman.com

I’m really excited to share this episode with our community.  We are looking at Anxiety, Our Kids and School.  This is a topic so many of us have challenges around.  For many, our child’s anxiety and how it relates to and shows up at school is troubling, baffling and oftentimes anxiety provoking for ourselves.  If you are a parent of an anxious child or a professional who supports children in the classroom, this episode is very likely to resonate with you. 

We are joined by Shannon Sullivan, a School Counselor who has worked with the entire span of school aged children and has a wealth of knowledge and experience observing and supporting children in school with many challenges, including Anxiety.   Shannon insightfully explores with us anxiety in our kids and youth, how it shows up for them in their school environments, and what parents can do to support their children's mental health and collaborate effectively with educators.

We are seeing growing anxiety in school aged children and conversations like this one are becoming increasingly important to have as we navigate this in our families and with our children’s schools.  The good news is that you are not alone in this, nor is your child.  There is help available for you and for them.  Some options you can explore include the listening ear of a parent who has been through something similar (peer support), school support staff, counselors, and other resources such as those listed below.    

https://www.anxietycanada.com/

https://familysmart.ca/

https://www.my.thrive-life.ca/cbtforthefamily-course

And if you are an educator looking for supportive resources for the classroom, email karen@compasscounsellingservices.ca for more information about my custom made anxiety-reduction curriculum for grades 1 through 4. We'd love to support you in the incredible work you do with children and youth.

Best,
Karen

It’s difficult to put into words the depth of openness, vulnerability and realness with which our guest today shares his story - not just on this podcast episode, but in his work as an advocate for mental health and in his willingness to share his journey through grief and loss on a public platform. 

I am joined on this episode by Dylan Benson, a father, adventurer and photographer.  

Dylan generously shares with us his story of loss, grief, mental health challenges and road to healing.  Through his experiences and journey toward wholeness, Dylan displays what we know to be true about processing grief and loss - that moving toward healing is done in safe spaces with safe others, and that integrating hardships into everyday life is what enables one to go on to live fully.

Dylan’s honest and insightful portrayal of his life’s circumstances intertwined with his choices along the way is hope-filled.  His conviction that healing and moving forward require conversation and connection comes through loud and clear.  Reaching out to others who may be able to support you or offering a lifeline to someone else who may need support weaves a web of connection that is invaluable.  

I hope you’ll take the time to listen to Dylan’s story. I’m grateful to him for spending his time with us to share it.  We can learn so much from the experiences of others.  If you find it helpful or inspiring, please pass it along to someone you know who might benefit from hearing it.  You can connect with Dylan on Instagram at 

https://www.instagram.com/betterwithadventure/

Here are the resources he referred to:

https://gtf-outside.com/pages/about-us

https://campwidow.org/

Walking alongside you on your journey,
Karen

Supporting a child or youth who has experienced significant trauma in their life can feel overwhelming, complicated and sometimes impossible. Attachment struggles, intense emotions and behaviours, layers of diagnoses and constant appointments with professionals can leave parents, foster caregivers and teachers feeling helpless, despite their deep love for these deeply hurt kids. Dr. Geddes goes beyond describing the challenges and lays down a roadmap we can all use to cultivate long term healing as well as help us get through the hard moments. He's concrete, specific and practical - and it comes from experience of using these tools and strategies with hundreds of kids over the last decade.

If you listen to this episode and want to know more, please invest in a copy of his new book, Children and Complex Trauma: A Roadmap for Healing. This book will be an effective guide for social workers, physicians, coaches, teachers, parents, caregivers of all kinds, and counsellors dedicated to the heart-work of supporting kids along their healing journeys.

And if you want a compact 45 minute webinar on co-regulation strategies, you can find it HERE to get you started.

We're in this work to support you - the people who directly impact the lives of kids. THANK YOU for being there for them!

Dear New and Expecting Dads,   (Mamas - get ready to send the link to this podcast episode to your male partner!) 

I think we all recognize the disparity between the information and content available addressing the roles and needs of mothers in the perinatal arena and the same geared toward our male partners.  My hope is that today we can open up the conversation and share some information and resources to start to close that gap.  

In this episode we are hitting a topic that rarely gets put in the spotlight:  the male partner's perspective on new parenting, supportive roles, shifting assumptions about involvement and contribution and more.  

I’m grateful to be joined by Dr. Dan Singley to help us wade through these waters. Dr. Singley is a San Diego-based dad and board certified psychologist and Director of The Center for Men’s Excellence. His research and practice focus on men’s mental health with a particular emphasis on reproductive psychology and the transition to fatherhood. He conducts training and presentations around the country to assist individuals and organizations to enhance their level of father inclusiveness, and founded the grant-funded Basic Training for New Dads, Inc. nonprofit and Padre Cadre social networking application  just for dads in order to give new fathers the tools they need to be highly engaged with their infants as well as their partners.

Listen along as we learn about truly partnering together in a way that will contribute to the health and wellbeing of ourselves, our partners and ultimately, our families.  

If you are a couple who are soon to be or new parents, we are all rooting for your relationship to stay strong, feel connected and for you to thrive as an attuned family. Until the end of April/22, you can access my online course for couples When You & Me Become Three at 25% off when you enter the coupon code: BABYPROOF.  Don't miss out on this deal - once you own a copy, it's yours to keep and work through when you're ready. 

With you, 

Karen

PS.
Dr. Singley offers a virtual Expectant Dads Class, available here: https://www.menexcel.com/parenting-classes-in-san-diego-for-dads/

Expectant fathers enjoy an informal, hands-on class that provides practical information and a real boost of confidence about handling the baby's impending arrival.

Participants connect with other expectant dads, and also have the opportunity to talk with a “veteran dad” who has been through the class and brings his infant with him to the class. Dads-to-be get to hear directly from the new dad about his experience—and practice diapering, swaddling, soothing, and burping the baby.
Because this is a learning course and not "therapy", you can join from anywhere around the world!

Also check out his book: Parental Mental Health: Factoring in Fathers

Website:  Www.menexcel.com

And follow on: 

FB  @MenExcel

IG @Men.Excel

Twitter  @MenExcel

Have you ever met a new parent who described themselves as “well rested”?  Neither have I.

When Baby comes home, many of us are baffled and exhausted by the sleeping patterns of these new, tiny humans.  Why do they sleep all day and stay up all night?  Why don’t they stay asleep?  Why do they cry like that?  What should we do about it?  How will I survive the next day if I’m up all night with them?  

The stresses and complexity of adding a baby to your family are already challenging to navigate, and throwing on top of it the wonky sleep situation you’re in for only exacerbates the intensity of those things.   

If there were a silver bullet for this challenging topic, this wouldn’t be a conversation we’d need to have.  There is not a one size fits all manual for this.  There are, however, people who are up on all the research and specialize in the sleep of babies!  Our guest on this episode is one of them.  

Johanna Snyder is the owner of Sleep Soundly Consulting in Westchester, NewYork.  Johanna successfully helped countless friends and colleagues work through their children’s sleep struggles. She was inspired and ready to instill confidence in others regarding their children’s sleep. Johanna earned her certification as a Child Sleep Consultant through the Family Sleep Institute. This program gave her the opportunity to connect with, and learn from, the industry’s top sleep experts. The FSI program provides the most comprehensive, evidence-based child sleep education. Johanna is also a member of the International Association of Child Sleep Consultants.

Johanna’s experience and knowledge have helped many families and we’re grateful she’s sharing with us. The practical tips she offers are great tools for you to keep in your pocket.  

Be encouraged, weary, bleary-eyed parent.  It may feel like this stage of development will last forever.  I promise you it won’t.  But while you’re stuck in the mud of exhaustion, know that you’re not in it alone.  

Been there - survived that (barely),

Karen

Johanna’s website:

https://sleepsoundlyconsulting.com/about/

Find her on instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/sleepsoundlyconsulting/

It’s an all too common experience: we bring baby home with the expectation- or at least the faint hope- that we’re going to be high functioning and capable only to find that we’re exhausted, scatter-brained, sore, overwhelmed, covered in vomit and frustrated by any number of factors.  Oftentimes the part that’s not going to plan is how you are being supported (or not supported) by the village you counted on being there for you in this huge time of transition. You don’t want to decline the “help” offered to you, but it’s also not helping, and no one is offering what you need.  If you can relate to this, or foresee this in your future as an expecting parent - you are normal and WE. SEE. YOU.  

In this conversation we talk with Dr. Veronica Eyo, a therapist and mom who understands the many important facets of new parenting, perinatal mental health, relationship wellness and self care.  Speaking from her professional experience and transparently sharing from her personal experience as well, Veronica helps us intentionally look at what it means for each of us to feel supported and gives us permission to be very honest with ourselves and others in order to make it through the initial stages of motherhood well.

“You are not meant to do this alone” Veronica says - and I could not agree more.  It’s not an easy road, but addressing our expectations and allowing ourselves to change our minds about our needs and express them to those in our circles is crucial.  It is worth having hard conversations and cultivating safe relationships for us to be real and vulnerable in.  Veronica kindly helps walk us through very practical steps for identifying our own needs and sharing those needs with others so that they can support us in meaningful ways.

I hope this episode leaves you feeling seen and heard.  You are certainly not alone if this has been your experience.  

You can check out Veronica on instagram for uplifting and practical content.

And you can check out her website too. 

If your couple relationship needs fortifying (or maybe don’t wait until it feels like a “need”), When You & Me Become Three will give you the skills you need to improve communication, clarify and express boundaries, plan the future together and refine your attunement to one another’s needs (including your baby’s). For the month of April, you can download this online, self-paced course for 25% off using the coupon code BABYPROOF. 

We’ve got your back, folks.

Karen

If you are a new parent, soon to be parent, one day hoping to be a parent or if you love someone in the aforementioned categories,

Please join us for this episode on perinatal mental health.  In it, we touch on the power of being understood and supported, the challenges of birthing and parenting in a pandemic which complicates an already complex life change, releasing ourselves from parental expectations and guilt, acknowledging the mental load of parenting, trusting and advocating for yourself,  and much more.  

Our guest this week is Candice Thomas.  She is the Owner of the Evergreen Wellness Studio in downtown Barrie Ontario. She is a Registered Massage Therapist and Certified Athletic Therapist. Through her own journey with Anxiety, depression and postpartum, Candice has become a fierce and outspoken advocate for Mental health and Perinatal Mental Health reform in Canada. Candice has two beautiful daughters, Olivia and Ada. Motivated by the lack of resources for mothers struggling with postpartum, Candice founded The Liv Mohr Project, helping to raise awareness and funds for Mental Health Programs within her community.

Candice transparently and generously shares with us her personal experience with mental health and her birthing and mothering journey.  She offers hope and direction to help us acknowledge a current system that doesn’t always support new parents well so that we can move toward a collaborative, partnership based, multi faceted approach of care and support.  We know that families thrive when mothers are well cared for and that starts with us taking care of ourselves, building in relational supports and ideally having well functioning, accessible systems of care.

I’m so grateful for Candice bringing the subject of perinatal mental health to the forefront, raising awareness and change going forward - together.  My hope is that this episode serves as a catalyst for more conversation and movement toward real and meaningful support for new parents. Please check Candice out on IG via @livmohrproject and @evergreen_rmt.

If you're wanting more support in terms of preparing your couple relationship for the intensity of the early parenting phase, we've set up a discount for you to access my online, self-paced course When You & Me Become Three, valid until Apr.30, 2022. Grab it now with coupon code EVERGREEN50 and journey through the 10 modules together whenever you're ready!

Got your back, 

Karen