Falsely Blamed? How to Protect Yourself and Respond

Navigating Factitious Disorder and Child Custody Disputes
In this informative episode, Bill and Megan explore the complicated intersection of factitious disorder, child custody disputes, and high conflict personalities.

Bill and Megan start by explaining what factitious disorder is, how it manifests, and its implications in child custody cases. They share insights from their experience in family law and high conflict disputes.

Key topics covered include:

• The shift in terminology from Munchausen syndrome to factitious disorder and what this change signifies
• Prevalence data showing these disorders are rare but have severe impacts when present
• How factitious disorders often involve misperceptions and disagreements about a child's health/medical needs
• The role of personality disorders and their distorted perceptions in driving conflict
• Strategies for navigating these disputes like seeking multiple professional opinions and getting courts involve
• How to appropriately communicate concerns to healthcare providers without biasing their perspective
• The risks of improperly questioning or influencing children directly

Questions we answer in this episode:

• What is factitious disorder and how is it relevant in child custody cases?
• What tips can help address concerns about a child's health in a constructive manner?
• How do personality disorders relate to conflict around children's health?
• When is it appropriate to involve the legal system in disputes about a child's care?
• What are the risks of discussing health concerns directly with your child?

Key Takeaways:

• Factitious disorders are rare but can severely impact child custody cases when present
• Seeking multiple professional opinions can help determine if concerns are valid
• Personality disorders often involve distorted perceptions driving conflict
• Legal interventions may be needed to protect children from excessive medical testing
• Never interrogate or influence children directly about suspected disorders

This practical episode offers guidance for any parents or family members concerned about potential factitious disorders and child health conflicts. Bill and Megan share their expertise to help listeners thoughtfully and safely address these challenging situations.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce
• COURSES/VIDEOS
  • Erasing Family Documentary with Resistance/Refusal Commentary from Bill Eddy
  • Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s Brain
• PROFESSIONAL TRAINING
  • New Ways for Families
    • For Counselors- training specifically for counselors to learn the New Ways for Families method to use in high-conflict cases, including those with resistance/refusal
    • For Coaches: training specifically for divorce and co-parenting coaches to learn the New Ways for Families method to use in high-conflict cases or in any case
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:35) - Factitious Order by Proxy
• (01:18) - What Is It?
• (05:52) - How to Intervene?
• (10:33) - Patterns
• (11:52) - Histrionic
• (16:55) - Speaking with Medical Professionals
• (20:58) - Discuss with the Child?
• (23:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Marriage and Women's Thoughts About It

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Keeping the Peace: Managing High Conflict Issues at Work
On this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan tackle how employers and managers can set healthy boundaries around discussing divisive societal issues at work. They provide guidance on creating a respectful, productive environment when employees have strong, differing opinions.

Bill and Megan explain that while online conversations may feel more hostile lately, research shows it’s often due to a small group of aggressive, status-driven people. When divisive issues come up at work, reasonable people tend to disengage, allowing bullies to dominate the dialogue. This can deteriorate workplace culture and community.

To maintain a cohesive team, leaders must set clear guidelines about acceptable communication. Bill suggests focusing on keeping conflicts impersonal and issues-based, not attacking people’s character. Megan adds that while managers have limited power to enforce culture alone, they can coach employees one-on-one on respectful communication.

HR can recommend coaching to improve behaviors vs. immediately firing staff. Employees feeling bullied should speak up, understand their options, and get assertiveness training if needed. With the right boundaries and empathy, organizations can productively navigate sensitive topics.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can managers discourage divisive talk when company policy is unclear?
• What coaching strategies can HR use for staff exhibiting bullying behaviors?
• What should employees do if they feel targeted by a workplace bully?

Key Takeaways:

• Research shows online hostility comes from a vocal minority of aggressive people.
• Leaders must set guidelines to keep conflict impersonal and issues-based.
• Coaching can help managers, HR, and staff communicate respectfully.
• Employees feeling bullied should speak up and understand their options.
• With the right boundaries, companies can stay productive despite disagreements.

Setting clear expectations while extending empathy enables workplaces to keep the peace during polarizing times. Tune in to hear Bill and Megan’s insightful guidance on fostering understanding.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them ― How to Stop Them
  • BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication
  • It’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People
• COACHING & OTHER RESOURCES
  • Live Lab™: 1:1 Coaching for Managing High-Conflict Situations
    • Live Lab Writing: learn to write BIFF Responses to hostile email or any written communication
    • Live Lab Verbal: learn to have conversations with high-conflict people
    • Live Lab Boundaries: learn to set limits with high-conflict people
  • Coaching for Employees
• TRAINING FOR WORKPLACE PROFESSIONALS
  • New Ways for Work® Coaches Training (for human resources, employee relations, and other coaches)
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:37) - External Issues Brought Into the Workplace
• (02:10) - Are People Becoming More High Conflict Online?
• (05:26) - Online Conflict Attractive to HCPs?
• (08:25) - Who's Doing More Bullying?
• (11:38) - Rules to Avoid Dominating the Conversation
• (14:36) - What Should an Organization Do?
• (21:41) - When Lacking Internal Support
• (22:51) - Setting Guidelines
• (24:17) - HR or Employment Relations
• (26:50) - When the Employee
• (31:07) - Wrap Up

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Navigating the Storm of Teen Relationships
In this eye-opening episode of 'It's All Your Fault', hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute dive into the turbulent world of teen dating and relationship violence. Aimed at understanding and influencing the complexities of young people's interactions, this installment sheds light on how personality disorders could affect adolescent relationships, the emergence of digital violence, and strategies for intervention and prevention.

Understanding Teen Dating Violence
Bill and Megan explore the significance of personality development in adolescents and its potential impact on dating violence. Discussions revolve around impulse control and interpersonal functioning, with a focus on borderline and antisocial personality disorders. The conversation is directed at parents and teens to recognize early signs of high conflict behaviors and the importance of intervention during adolescence. The episode also highlights the effectiveness of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and offers resources for those seeking help.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• Do personality disorders matter in teen relationships?
• Can personality traits indicate a proclivity for relationship violence?
• How do peer attitudes influence teen dating violence?
• What role does gender inequality play in teen relationships?
• Why is self-regulation important to address in teens?

Key Takeaways:

• Early personality development impacts adolescent dating behaviors.
• Impulse control and interpersonal dysfunction are key areas in personality disorders.
• Peer attitudes can have a stronger influence on teens than parental behavior.
• Gender inequality beliefs are risk factors for teen dating violence.
• Early intervention can help teens with high conflict behaviors adjust more effectively.

Why This Episode is a Must-Listen
Bill and Megan's discussion is not just insightful—it's critical for understanding the dynamics at play in teen dating violence. This episode provides an essential guide for parents, educators, and teens to recognize and react to high conflict situations. By tuning in, you'll gain the knowledge to identify early warning signs and learn about the resources available to help manage and prevent relationship violence among young people. Don't miss out on this crucial conversation.

Links & Other Notes

• WEBSITES ON TEEN DATING VIOLENCE AND DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY
  • Bloom365
  • Free Dialectical Behavior Therapy courses
  • HopeforBPD
• BOOKS
  • Generations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's Future
  • The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
  • Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell
• ARTICLES
  • New Research Finds A Connection Between Domestic Violence And These Two Personality Disorders
  • 
    
• RESEARCH
  • Personality disorders as predictors of intimate partner violence: A meta-analysis
  • Dating Violence
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:34) - Relationship Violence Part 2: Teen Relationships
• (00:50) - Personality Disorders in Teens
• (03:47) - Hot Reactive Violence vs. Cold Calculating Violence
• (06:17) - Resources
• (07:16) - TDV: Teen Dating Violence
• (12:19) - More Resources
• (14:36) - Digital Violence
• (23:46) - How to Approach Your Teen
• (25:49) - Setting Up Expetations
• (26:51) - TDV in Gen-Z
• (34:12) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict at Work

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Bill and Megan explore the complex issue of relationship violence, focusing on factors that may predict aggressive behaviors and how to identify potentially abusive relationships. In this first part of a two-part discussion, they examine relationship violence through the lens of adult intimate partner relationships. The second part will focus specifically on teen dating violence. Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• What personality disorders or traits are associated with an increased risk for domestic violence?
• How can you spot early warning signs of a potentially abusive partner?
• What is coercive control and how does it relate to domestic violence?
• What happens in the brain when someone lacks impulse control?
• How can we avoid “jamming our own radar” in relationships?

Key Takeaways:

• Not everyone with a personality disorder will become abusive, but certain disorders like antisocial and borderline PD are risk factors.
• Pay attention to charm, immediate strong attachment, and “love bombing” as possible red flags when dating.
• Coercive control refers to non-physical ways an abuser maintains power, like isolation, verbal threats, financial control.
• Impulse control problems may stem from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex or traumatic childhood experiences.
• Going through personal crises or having unrealistic relationship expectations can blind us to warning signs.

In part one of this vital two-part discussion, Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on. Tune in to gain knowledge that could help you or someone you care about build healthy, safe relationships.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to “The One” Who Will Make Your Life Hell
    • available in paperback, audio, and e-book anywhere books are sold. Here are a few places you can get it.
    • Get it on High Conflict Institute site
    • On Amazon US
    • On Amazon Australia
    • On Amazon Canada
• DATING RADAR SURVEY RESULTS
  • Read results from entire survey here (scroll and click on “Read Dating Radar Survey Results”)
• HOTLINE
  • US Domestic Violence Hotline
  • US Hotline #: 800-799-7233
• ARTICLES
  • Dating Radar: Your X-Ray Vision In A New Relationship
  • Personality Disorders and Intimate Partner Violence
  • HIB PubMed article database
  • Domestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?
• COURSES
  • Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts
  • Mediation in Domestic Violence Cases
• LIVE LAB
  • Live Lab: 1:1 coaching sessions to learn to use BIFF Responses, EAR Statements, and to set limits
• 
  
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:35) - Relationship Violence Part 1: Adults
• (02:50) - Survey Results
• (08:19) - What Jams Our Radar?
• (14:00) - Impulse Control
• (19:48) - Factors in Violent Tendencies
• (28:55) - Domestic Violence in Family Law
• (33:49) - How Do You Know You’re in a Domestic Violence Relationship?
• (35:45) - Coercive Controlling Violence
• (39:49) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence Part 2: Teens

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.

They provide tips across three common scenarios:

• Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.
• Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.
• Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.

Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.

Links & Other Notes

• LIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)
• ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries 
• ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EAR
• ARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at Work
• COURSE: Conflict Influencer™ Certification 
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:34) - Kicking Off Season Four
• (01:10) - Setting Limits in High Conflict Situations
• (02:00) - Co-Parenting
• (10:00) - The Work World
• (15:52) - Lying
• (26:26) - Wrapping Up
• (26:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Keeping the Peace This Holiday Season
Bill and Megan share tips for avoiding and defusing conflict at holiday gatherings. They offer insights from their work at the High Conflict Institute.

In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere.

Avoiding Hot-Button Topics
Bill notes that the high-emotion holidays can bring out uncontrolled behavior in some. He suggests posting a respectful gathering policy and having “minders” to gently redirect tense interactions.

Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment.

Defusing Tensions
Bill advocates saving sensitive discussions for one-on-one talks, where polarization decreases. Groups often split into factions and fuel discord.

Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges.

Why It Matters
Bill and Megan provide simple but powerful ways to maintain self-control and model peaceful conflict resolution this season. Their advice offers pathways to joyful gatherings.

Questions we answer:

• How can hosts set ground rules for respectful interactions?
• What tools can help individuals avoid unproductive fights?
• When and how should difficult topics be addressed?

Key Takeaways:

• Posting expectations and having “minders” can prevent problems.
• Preparation and self-talk help you respond calmly in the moment.
• Save sensitive talks for one-on-one conversations later.
• Shared stories build connections between individuals.

This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding.

Links & Other Notes

• RESPECTFUL GATHERING POLICY
  • Download HCI’s Respectful Gathering Policy to hang up before your holiday gatherings
• BOOKS
  • Calming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)
• ARTICLES
  • Handling High Conflict Situations During the Holidays
  • Calming Holiday Conflicts
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:21) - Holiday Conflict
• (02:06) - When Someone Says Something
• (05:45) - If You're Hosting
• (08:02) - Respectful Gathering Policy
• (08:52) - Be Prepared
• (11:29) - Giving Yourself Encouraging Statements
• (13:17) - If You Want to Discuss the Topics
• (15:34) - Reason-Able
• (16:44) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A New Season!

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Ending Hostile Conversations
Bill and Megan share strategies for defusing tense conversations and exiting hostile interactions. They provide insights from the High Conflict Institute.

Bill and Megan explain how to stop aggressive confrontations through limit-setting and agenda control. Listeners gain techniques to redirect heated exchanges into constructive dialogue.

Defusing Tense Situations
Bill outlines a two-step process for tense one-on-one interactions: warn hostile speakers to change their tone, then withdraw if attacks persist.

Megan explores why we avoid limits and how practice builds confidence in boundaries. Ending destructive talks can be an act of kindness.

Regaining Control
Megan recounts being publicly confronted while presenting. She learned arguing only empowers the disruptor.

Bill emphasizes sticking to your agenda. Redirect speakers to appropriate questions.

In social settings, empathize first, then question unverified claims. Exercise restraint in spreading rumors.

Why It Matters
Bill and Megan provide tools to end toxic conversations, maintain self-control, and model peaceful conflict resolution. Their advice offers pathways to greater understanding.

Questions answered:

• Exiting hostile one-on-one interactions
• Responding when confronted publicly
• Redirecting charged conversation

Key Takeaways:

• Warn, then withdraw from attacks
• Refuse to engage hostile agendas
• Question unverified claims politely
• Your firm boundaries can influence climate

This episode provides practical techniques to transform tense talks into meaningful dialogue. Tune in to gain empowering skills for calming hostility.

Links & Other Notes:

• LIVE LAB™
  • A practice space for 1:1 practice to set limits and communicate peacefully
• COURSES
  • De-escalation: Talk to the Right Brain
• BOOKS
  • Calming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)
  • It’s All Your Fault!
  • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
• ARTICLES
  • 4 Ways to Set Limits at Work
  • Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give 'Em Your EAR®.
  • 5 Tips for Setting Boundaries in Relationships
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:24) - Ending a Hostile Conversation
• (01:58) - Two-Step Process
• (07:50) - Mind the Gap
• (10:27) - What They Experience
• (12:23) - Setting Limit
• (14:27) - In Group Setting
• (19:46) - In Social Setting
• (22:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: What to Avoid at Holiday Gatherings

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Exploring Targets of Blame and How to Best Manage Them
Bill and Megan tackle the challenging topic of being a target of blame from a high conflict individual. They provide insight into protecting yourself and managing difficult accusations.

In this eye-opening episode, Bill and Megan define what it means to be a target of blame and how this manifests. They discuss tactics for minimizing your risk of becoming a target, as well as managing situations where false accusations spread. The hosts share perspective on correcting misinformation while avoiding escalation.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can you reduce the risk of becoming a target of blame?
• What is the best way to respond when falsely accused?
• When is it appropriate to correct the record with documents?
• How do you avoid reinforcing hostile behavior?

Key Takeaways:

• Becoming aware of high conflict personalities can help you recognize unhealthy blame.
• Don't get hooked into defending yourself - it often backfires.
• Provide brief, factual information to correct false claims.
• Tailor your response to who needs what information.
• Keep yourself calm while asserting the truth.

This insightful episode equips listeners with strategies for protecting themselves when unfairly blamed. Bill and Megan deliver compassionate perspective that can help anyone managing a high conflict situation. Their guidance empowers us to respond thoughtfully when targeted.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
  • It’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
  • It’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict People
• ARTICLES
  • Six Tips to Avoid Becoming Someone’s Target of Blame
  • Personality awareness: The key skill to dealing with high-conflict people
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:21) - A Target of Blame
• (02:07) - Term’s History
• (04:21) - Avoiding Becoming a Target
• (13:14) - How to Behave
• (16:15) - Extreme Example
• (18:41) - Paper Trail for Protection
• (20:48) - Red Flags
• (23:44) - Finding Balance
• (26:59) - Wrap Up
• (27:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to End a Hostile Conversation

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

Effective Communication for Legal Professionals
Bill, Megan, and their guest Rehana Jamal – and Bill’s co-author – dive into strategies for clear, civil communication in the legal field. They aim to provide practical tools that lawyers, court staff, and anyone interacting with the justice system can use right away.

The episode focuses on BIFF, the High Conflict Institute's proven method for responding to emotionally-charged messages. Bill lays out the BIFF framework and walks through examples of transforming aggressive emails into responses that are Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.

Rehana weighs in with insights from her experience as an attorney and mediator. She highlights how BIFF builds relationships and saves time compared to reactionary, hostile communication.

Together, they make the case that small changes in how we communicate can transform legal conflicts and prevent escalation. Mastering constructive communication habits benefits lawyers, clients, court staff, and entire communities.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• What is the BIFF response method?
• When is it appropriate to apologize in a professional email?
• How can BIFF improve lawyer-client relationships?
• Does BIFF work for all areas of law?
• Can BIFF help manage stress for legal professionals?

Key Takeaways:

• Hostile emails from clients often stem from feeling discounted - a BIFF response shows you care.
• Pausing before reacting gives you time to construct an informative, friendly email.
• BIFF responses rarely need to be more than a concise paragraph.
• Avoiding apologies in heated exchanges prevents misuse of your words.
• Speaking by phone resolves issues faster than extended email chains.

The legal field deals with conflict daily. This episode provides communication tools to handle clashes with skill and grace. Bill, Megan, and Rehana model a constructive approach that improves outcomes for all involved.

Links & Other Notes

• THE BOOK (available in paperback and e-book)
  • BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices: Your Guide to Respectful Written Communication with Clients, Opposing Counsel and Others
    • Purchase the book at any of the links below (or wherever books are sold):
      • our website
      • Amazon US
      • Amazon Canada
      • Amazon Australia
      • Amazon UK
      • Amazon Germany 
      • digital (e-book) version
• CONSULTATION & COACHING
  • Live Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)
  • Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)
• COURSES
  • BIFF Response® for Lawyers: Using and Teaching Respectful Communication ($47 USD)
  • Coaching for a BIFF Response®
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:34) - This Episode
• (01:32) - Meet Rehana Jamal
• (05:15) - Reminder What BIFF Is
• (07:49) - Why This Book
• (12:33) - Thinking About This From a Lawyer’s Perspective
• (17:33) - Rehana’s Experience
• (18:41) - Time and Risk Management
• (22:48) - BIFF… All the Time?
• (25:43) - Issue Affects Everyone
• (28:23) - Harder Than It Seems
• (31:08) - Example One
• (38:31) - BIFF Checker and More Book Info
• (41:15) - Example Two
• (45:42) - Example Three
• (51:19) - Last Thoughts
• (52:49) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Being a Target of Blame

Want to learn more about BIFF and EAR responses? We have a lab that's designed for anyone. Click here to learn more about our Live Lab. Sign up today!

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan provide guidance for coping with the complicated emotions that can arise when a high conflict person passes away. They cover the confusing mix of grief and relief family members often feel, how to handle being blamed after the loss, and the destabilization that can occur when a high conflict adult child loses a parent.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do you handle the blend of grief and relief after the death of a high conflict loved one?
• What if you were the target of blame by the deceased?
• Why do high conflict people often lash out more after losing a stabilizing parent?
• How can probate turn siblings against each other?

Key Takeaways:

• It's normal to feel both grief and relief when a high conflict person dies. Don't judge yourself.
• Being the target of blame can be depressing. Counseling helps with the loss and disorientation.
• Loss of a stabilizing parent can really destabilize a high conflict adult child's other relationships.
• High conflict people view things in black and white terms. Try to stay above the "teams" forming during probate.

Losing a family member is always difficult, but even more complicated when high conflict is involved. Bill and Megan provide compassionate insight into managing these challenging situations and emotions. They remind us that empathy, perspective and communication are key.

Links & Other Notes

• CONSULTATION & COACHING
  • Live Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)
  • Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)
• BOOKS
  • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
  • It’s All Your Fault!
• ARTICLES
  • Why Healing is Hard for High Conflict People
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:21) - Grief Over the Death of a High Conflict Loved One
• (02:02) - Grief, Relief, and Guilt
• (04:10) - Stages of Grief
• (07:55) - When You Were Their Target of Blame
• (10:06) - When Caregiving Parent of HCP Dies
• (13:52) - Family Relationships – Complicated and Source of Identity
• (17:16) - When a Narcissistic Parent Dies
• (20:39) - Focus on Positive
• (21:54) - Wrap Up
• (22:14) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Civil Communications for Lawyers and Law Offices

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