🔥 This is for you if you are feeling you should be further along than you are by now.  

🔥 Life starts to feel good when you notice you are starting to make progress. Whether that’s in your career or business, and your daily life.  Things feel like they are starting to flow a bit more.

🔥 But there’s still a bit of strategizing, tolerating and dealing with minor frustrations that hold you back from making the kind of progress that feels deeply satisfying. It feels like you should be further along by now. That can be frustrating, and feel like you are treading water, and consistently hitting your upper limit without breaking through. 

🔥 That’s why we are talking about what the level 3 perspective looks and feels like in every-day life, the advantages and disadvantages, as well as some strategies that can help you expand into higher levels of energy, and using level 3 as a resourceful state to keep your momentum going.

Listen in to hear about how Level 3:

• Shows up in life and biz
• How being stuck here holds you back from both the success you've been working towards and overall life fulfillment.
• Strategies to turn this state from one of frustration and toleration into a resourceful state so you can access the higher level energetic perspectives that will bring you where you want to go faster and more enjoyably.
• and so much more!

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
• Would you love to share how you are multiplying your impact using your unique skills and abilities?

If so, I'd love to interview you!

Apply to be interviewed here on The Field Guide To Awesome podcast: 

• https://bit.ly/fg2aguestapplication

You can find me on social media:

Facebook Group: The Field Guide To Awesome Podcast Tribe

• www.facebook.com/groups/thefieldguidetoawesomepodcasttribe/

The Field Guide To Awesome: Your Energetic Path To Flow free FB group:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieldguidetoawesome

89 - How to find your resourceful state when you are feeling you should be further along by now - Level 3 Energetic Perspective

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Trina: welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks.[00:01:00] The last episode, number 88. Was where we continued the energetic perspective series with the level two perspective, specifically how to recognize when your fiery attitude will burn you and how to shift it into a fiery passion that can sustain you.

It was all about how level, two perspective, energy potential shows up in your day to day experience when you're under stress, along with the advantages and disadvantages, every level has them. We explored several strategies you can use to reduce your time being stuck here and access higher levels of energy, just like we're doing with level three.

All right. So if you missed it, go ahead and check out episode 88. This week, we are continuing the series and diving into level three,

this episode is for you. If you are feeling you should be further along than you are by now. Likely you are deep into strategizing tolerating and dealing with minor frustrations that are holding you back [00:02:00] from making the kind of progress that feels deeply satisfying.

And that's why we're talking about the level three perspective. What it looks like, what it feels like in everyday life and in business and the advantages and disadvantages as well as some, as well as some strategies that can help you expand into the higher levels of energy and using level three as a resource state to keep your momentum going.

level three energy is the energy of coping. With the core thought of I win you win two and that's okay. But I win first. Let's do a quick review of the levels so far, it helps to put things in perspective.

Level one, energy was all about stagnation and being the victim of life. And now when I say victim, it means that life is happening at you. The shift from level one to level two comes from the fiery need for change ignites within. . [00:03:00] So that firey need for change burns and pushes you into the next level.

Shifting from level two to level three, which is what we're talking about today happens when you start to take ownership of your own emotions, your own thoughts and your own life experience. Just as a reminder, we as humans go up and down through these levels of energy throughout the day. So no one is always a level one, no one is always a level two, no one is always a level three or any other level.

It depends on how we respond to life events and stressors. So how long we spend in each of those levels can change depending on how resilient we are. And so an example of that is say, you wake up feeling great it's gonna be a great day. It's gonna be a great day.

Right. But then you spill coffee on your white shirt. Oh, coffee on my white shirt. Oh, this is terrible. It's stained. It's ruined forever. [00:04:00] And what am I gonna wear now? Okay. And so that's just an example of how you can go from feeling great from one of the higher levels of energy to level two or level one.

Okay. So how long you spend there, this depends on how resilient you are. We all experience these every day. But with level three, things start to feel much better. Level three begins the anabolic energy in the scale of levels of energy and anabolic energy is the kind of energy that builds you up that helps you grow all right levels.

One and two were catabolic where they broke you. Okay. You had energy, you got things done, especially in level two, but it was the kind of energy that wouldn't sllow you last in the long term, because it would burn you out. Okay. Anabolic energy helps you build and grow [00:05:00] and it feels good. Okay. At this level, people tend to take responsibility for their thoughts, emotions, actions.

They know that what they think and feel is really up to them. And nobody else you can't make me feel a certain way unless I give you permission. I think that's an Eleanor Roosevelt bastardization quote I ruined her quote, but no one can make me feel any way that I don't desire to feel. Okay. The focus of level three is on winning through achieving your goals.

And meeting your own agenda first cause you got business to do and you gotta reach those goals. You win first, but if other people win as a result, that's great. Okay. But it's your goals first? Okay, and this isn't good or bad. It's just [00:06:00] an attitude. It's just where your focus is at that moment. Okay.

And so level three energy also has a lot of coping going on. All right. Coping in this context is to deal with an attempt to overcome problems and difficulties, because we see a lot of problems and difficulties, a lot of hurdles to jump in level three energy. Judging is judging things as good or bad black or white.

Discernment is the awareness of the situation without a story attached. You'll notice as we move up through the levels of energy that Discernment increases as we go up through the levels of energy and judgment decreases. In level one and two, there was a lot of judgment as good or bad. Coping at this level occurs because the person still has some judging going on.

All right. We are judging creatures, but in level three, there's still a little bit of judging going on. There's a problem. [00:07:00] How can I fix it? We're problem focused. Dealing with little hurdles. It's like watching your feet as you walk instead of gazing ahead as you walk and think of that too. If if you are a driver, if you drive, you don't look at, as you're driving the road just a few feet ahead, you look out into the distance.

Okay. And so in level three, we're still looking at the mid-distance. We're not looking out far enough. Okay. And the difference between this and winning at level two is that the intention of those operating from level three perspective is to have the other person win as well. But again, only after securing the win for themselves first.

In other words, the intention of level three is I win. And hopefully you win too, but either way I win primary goal. And I've said that a couple of times, but that is the primary thought. People who have a lot [00:08:00] of level three energy are masters at rationalization and rationalization. It sounds like a big word.

And it sounds like a bad word, but it's not okay. It's just a big word. They will motivate themselves and others by finding ways to. Release, forgive, tolerate, compromise, and explain away resentments, explain away stresses, disappointments, and other burdens in order to encourage cooperation and productivity.

There was a lot in there. I'm gonna talk a little bit more about each of those as we go on. All right. That was jam packed. All right. So again, this. Energy, these qualities that I'm bringing up now, you may not experience all of them, but if some of them do make a note, all right, because those are the things that you'll be working on.

People with predominant level three energy may still blame others, but [00:09:00] they rationalize other people's behavior to forgive them. Remember I said that big word, $10,000 word rationalization. We explain away other people's behavior so that it makes us feel a little better. An example of this is they didn't know what they were doing or saying, or they didn't mean it.

They didn't know any better. Okay. Whether or not that's true. We don't know. But at this level we, we say this because, Hey, it is what it is. All right. They didn't mean it. Okay. They didn't know any better when we use those phrases or phrases like that. It helps release catabolic energy. All right. Because if we believe that they meant it.

Ooh, we could get a little mad. If that we believe that they knew better, then why did they do that? [00:10:00] All right. So to let go of that energy, which does not serve you, if you decide that it doesn't serve you , you rationalize it. They didn't know better. They didn't know what they were saying. They didn't mean it.

Okay. And that's a coping mechanism. It's how we get through A person at this level may also feel unfulfilled and disappointed about their lot in life, where they are right now, as things didn't turn out exactly as they had planned, you had big plans. It doesn't look like you're experiencing it now.

Okay. At work, a person may rationalize conflict with others to be able to maintain the peace, which is very important at a, for a person who is in level. all right. And allow themselves to continue to be productive. Keeping the peace and being productive is very important. They may actually seek to repair, damaged [00:11:00] relationships and conflicts with others.

And, and sometimes this may come with like, Hey, what went wrong here? Why did this happen? Was it something I said, was it a belief that they had maybe a misconception it's trying to solve problems within those relationships? All right. And if you're experiencing level three energy, you know that what you feel is up to you and not others.

Right? And so this is a big shift from levels one and two, where you perceive the cause for what you thought felt and did to be outside of yourself. And at levels one and two. The cause for the problems is outside and you were just the receiver. So in other words, level one and two other events or people cause you to feel, think, and do things a certain way.

They did this. So that's why I did this, or they did this. And that's why I feel this way. And level three, you take full responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and. [00:12:00] This is amazing. All right, cuz that's what you have control over. You choose how you want to react and your focus is on winning and your own agenda.

First. I know I keep saying this again and again, but it's important. So if other people win, that's great, but only if you win first and there's a little of what's in it for me feeling. Okay. And so that's one of the ways you can see what level of energy yours, like what's in it for me. What am I gonna get out of it?

At this level you believe, and I, I'm going to talk again about what's in it for me a little bit more when we get to level five. All right. But it there's a whole different intention behind it. Okay. So at this level, you believe that life is what you make it, and you're ready to do what it takes to reach success and, and you take action for the most part.

Okay. We're gonna talk a little bit more about that in just a. In business or at [00:13:00] work, it feels like you're not fully committed. All right. You may think you are, but you're holding back in some way. And this can look like maybe feeling like you have a good plan, but only doing it. If you're sure it will work, there has to be some certainty.

All right. There has to be certainty. And this holds people back from moving forward. All right. It feels like they have to overcome one hurdle after another. It just feels like one problem. After another, putting out one fire after another, feel like a fireman chasing and putting out fires or a cat herder.

All right. Chasing those cats, trying to herd them all in the right direction. And in business, they may rationalize conflict with others to maintain peace peace and productivity. Like I said earlier are very important to somebody [00:14:00] experiencing level three. And again, they may explain away resentments stress, disappointment to encourage cooperation and productivity.

I'm gonna use another word that sometimes has some negative connotations, but in this aspect, I'm using it in a nonjudgmental way. All right. Motivate and manipulate. They use these coping strategies to motivate and manipulate. themselves and others by coping, releasing, and forgiving.

Now let's talk a little bit about forgiving at, cause I've mentioned forgiveness a couple of times so far., but I really wanna bring it up here. That forgiveness at this level is an example is somebody says, oh, please forgive me.

Forgive me. And you're like, okay, I forgive you. But inside you really don't forgive. All right. It's not that you don't want to forgive, but there's still [00:15:00] something in there tugging at your heart tugging at your mind, tugging at your anger strings a little bit. Okay. So you're not fully forgiving.

You say you forgive, but you're still feeling it. All right. We're going to talk about what true forgiveness is when we get to level four. Okay. In the next episode. All right. And so. Like we said, you're a master of rationalizations. You rationalize other people's behavior to forgive them. And you think of it as people are generally good.

People are generally good. They just don't know any better. Okay. They're all idiots. forgiving it again. Forgiving it. Level three. May still include blaming others. They say that the past isn't important, even if they don't believe it yet. And here. Is where we get into some more depth people in level three are not super clear on their personal values.

And what's really [00:16:00] important to them. Okay. They tend to feel unfulfilled and disappointed about where they are in life. And like I mentioned earlier, since things haven't turned out the way they planned and a common thought here, I can do better. All right. I, oh gosh, I can do better. All right. Now let's talk about relationships.

There's a certain dance between a person at level three and their partner. All right, though, each understands their roles. Like, you know, what you do and what they like. And all of that, you don't really understand the other person and they tend to try to fix the other person instead of trying to grow together.

Okay. They have specific roles in the relationship, but they may not understand their partner very well. Again, in level three there's still a bit judgemental of others in situations. So if you feel a judgment coming on [00:17:00] about somebody else, Of this is level three energy, but they do believe even though they have judgments, they do believe that everyone is different and that's okay.

It's like, oh, I wouldn't do that, but that's okay. It's that's them. Okay. Now let's get into. Something that I think is very important, especially when it comes to dealing with your levels of energy and how to get things to stop pulling you out of alignment. Tolerating. All right. A person at level three, tolerates, a lot of stuff.

They may think that what I can't see. Oh, I know it's there, but I'm not looking at it. What I can't see can't hurt me. They might say to themselves, I am in control of my life and I know how to play the game. All right. But they're tolerating. Less than ideal situations to make do with good enough. All right.

So [00:18:00] tolerating dealing with good enough is a huge part of level three.

So let's talk about the advantages and disadvantages of level three. First, the advantages, the first one is you don't allow other people to stand in the way of what you want, you know, what you want and you'll go for it. Mostly. Okay. And you also have the ability to avoid block and release the negativity of others.

It's like, oh, keep your negativity over there. And you're able to engage people easily at level three and you don't stop until you get what you want. All right. So this is a great advantage. All right. You keep going. And when you can access the higher levels of energy, you can start using level three as a tool or a resource with the less of the disadvantages.

So [00:19:00] let's talk a little bit about the disadvantages, the things that when you can use level three as a tool, these are the things that fall away. All right. In regards to the disadvantages. You could be a bit manipulative and self concerning. Trying to manage the situation and what's in it for me.

All right. Hopes and promises. Aren't really given from the heart, but from the head it's like, oh yeah, yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. But it's like, oh yes, I will do that. Very different energy. And also with level three, you're not so concerned if things don't work out because you did your best. I did my best.

All right. Okay. So let me ask you, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to but answer it for [00:20:00] yourself. How does this level three energy show up for you? How does it show up in your life? In your business? Okay. What else do you notice about your level three energy in yourself?

Especially when you're under stress, when you're under stress, some of the more the disadvantages show up more often. All right. When you're under stress. So how do those show up for you? And what would be the benefit of reducing or increasing your level three energy. Okay. And so here I promised some strategies for reducing or releasing catabolic energy and increasing the anabolic energy of level three.

All right. And so the first couple. Sounds like some remedial homework, a little bit focus on recognizing when you are experiencing level one and two energy. [00:21:00] Okay. So go back and listen to those episodes and to see what shows up for you. All right. And then focus on reducing the amount of time you spend at the effect of level one and level two.

This is a recurring strategy for each of the higher levels of energy. Okay. Because level one and level two. They're ground in deep. Okay. They're in there deep and it's almost like new level new devil. I can assure you. It's often the same devil just with better accoutrements. Okay. So perhaps it's wearing silk this time.

Maybe it's wearing diamonds, maybe it's wearing pearls at each additional level, but it shows up a little bit in each level. So when you reduce the effect of level one and level two, you have more access to the anabolic energy and the higher levels of energy. So check out episodes 87 for level one [00:22:00] and 88 for level two, to see how they show up for you.

All right. And an overview of the strategies so that you can work through them. And the next one is move away from me, focused to we focused, explore ways to serve others. So how can you help someone else? Win first. Okay. That can be a big one. All right. So move away from me, focused to we and explore ways to serve.

All right. Find ways to help other people win first win before you do all right. Cause think about it. How does helping others succeed first actually help you win in the long term? All right. And so this is kind of the intention in level three. All [00:23:00] right. You still get to win. All right. But how does helping other people win first?

Give you what you need in the long term. Okay. And now we're getting back to tolerating, find ways to reduce or eliminate the things that you tolerate. All right. The things that are less than ideal situations. Again, people at level three tolerate a lot. Those tolerations distract you and take energy away.

They're getting by with good enough. So stop tolerating making due with almost good enough because when you tolerate with something that is almost good enough. It's good enough. to stay at the level you currently are. All right, but it won't get you to the next level. So identify what you're tolerating in life in business, then up level it.

[00:24:00] And one of the ways you can do that is figuring out what you're tolerating, figure out what your tolerations are within your immediate control, the things that are within your immediate control. Then create a plan and follow through on it. All right. And systematically eliminating each of your tolerations because they're distractions, they're pulling your attention away.

Ah, and that brings us too going all in now, you know, it's almost like a cliche at this point, isn't it? But going all in. Is a fantastic strategy for level three, because oftentimes when people are at level three, like I said earlier, they're willing to make a plan and to go for it as long as they have some certainty that they'll succeed at the end.

All right. Sometimes you just need to go all in and trust the process. All right. So [00:25:00] explore what it would be like to go all in, in both life and business. okay. What would it feel like to fully commit to your business goals? Okay. How would fully committing to your goals, change how you experience both your business and your life.

And the next one is rediscover your personal life values, right? You say, oh, I know what my values are. I know what they are. Great. Reinvestigate re-explore rediscover your personal life values because sometimes things change. You might have some that remain the same and you might have some that change because of your life experience.

How do each of those values show up for you? What does it feel like when your values are being honored? What does it feel like when your values are not honored? All right. What is most important to you? How do they show up when you're honoring [00:26:00] them and when they are in conflict with other people's values?

Yeah. That's a lot of work. All right. And then work to understand others' life's values, right? So it's fully understanding yourself. And then once you understand yourself, going in to understand , what others values are in life. Okay. By understanding what is important to you and learning what drives others, you'll realize that you don't need to fix them, right?

You don't need to fix other people, let them fix themselves. Focus on yourself. All right. You can have your values and they can have their values. And this is where personal boundaries start. All right. Personal boundaries is our really big topic books. Encyclopedias could be written [00:27:00] about boundaries. I'm gonna save it for another episode, but for now the most basic thing to understand about boundaries is that they are your personal boundaries and no one else needs to respect them.

Other than you. All right. They are a commitment to yourself. And so, yeah, what, I'm gonna expand a little bit on that here, because these boundaries are yours. Nobody else needs to respect them. So if you have a particular political boundary or a business boundary, you need to be very clear. What happens if somebody else crosses it crosses that boundary.

All right. And then they're gonna have to be okay with the consequences and consequences is another $10,000 word that has some negative connotations, but oftentimes the boundary is letting them know, Hey, I don't [00:28:00] accept calls after 5:00 PM. My business. Is done for the day or you can leave a message and I will respond in a period of time.

Or I respectfully ask that we not discuss this topic at this point in time. Okay.

So you get to decide what your boundaries are. And then you need to follow through if the person decides to continue talking about the topic that you ask them, not to discuss at this point in time, you need to remove yourself from the situation. Okay. That's just one. That's just an example. All right.

So I'm gonna save that for another episode. So, so far we looked at what level three looks like and feels like along with how it may show up in life and business. And we also looked at the advantages and disadvantages of level three [00:29:00] energy. Remember we each experience all of the levels of energy every day in varying amounts.

The more you work through and use these strategies, and work through the catabolic responses. The easier it will be to expand into the higher levels of energy. And so the next episode in the series will dive into how most people experience level four perspective energy. And this is the level of love, compassion and service.

Ah, Level four is a great place to be. It's going to be a fantastic episode folks so tune in next week you won't want to miss it

[00:30:00] [00:31:00]

🔥 Strong forceful leaders get things done and can have terrific business success for a time. This level of energy is not sustainable in the long run.

🔥 Being seen as a "strong leader" can seem admirable, yet characteristics of anger, forcefulness, and dictatorial leadership can leak through and damage not only your business but also your health and relationships.

🔥 In This episode I'm sharing how to recognize when your fiery attitude will burn you, and how to shift it into fiery passion that sustains you. There are many subtle things to look for in yourself that you CAN shift. That's why I'm sharing the subtle signs to look for - because we need to become aware of them before we can address them. I'll also be sharing some strategies you can use TODAY to increase harmony in your life AND business. 

Listen in to hear about how this 2nd energetic perspective:

• feels like
• what it looks like if you are stuck there
• or are subtly affected by it (this is the tricky one)
• Strategies to get out of it and access the higher level energetic perspectives that will bring you where you want to go faster and more enjoyably.
• and so much more!

Remember: It's not what you say or do, but your intention behind it that matters

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
• Would you love to share how you are multiplying your impact using your unique skills and abilities?

If so, I'd love to interview you!

Apply to be interviewed here on The Field Guide To Awesome podcast: 

• https://bit.ly/fg2aguestapplication

You can find me on social media:

Facebook Group: The Field Guide To Awesome Podcast Tribe

• www.facebook.com/groups/thefieldguidetoawesomepodcasttribe/

The Field Guide To Awesome: Your Energetic Path To Flow free FB group:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieldguidetoawesome

Transcript:

88 - Energetic Perspectives Series: How to recognize when your fiery attitude will burn you & how to shift it into fiery passion that sustains you

[00:00:00]

[00:00:55] Trina: Welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. Last episode, we [00:01:00] began the energetic perspective series, starting with level one perspective. I spoke about how to recognize and clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum and fulfillment. That was meant for you. It was all about how level one perspective, energy potential shows up.

Along with its advantages and disadvantages, every level has them. Then we explored several strategies you can use to reduce your time being stuck here and access higher levels of energy. If you missed it make sure to go back and check it out because this week we are continuing the series and diving into level two

welcome everybody. Welcome. Welcome. Today I'm talking about how to recognize when your fiery attitude will burn you and how to shift it into a fiery passion that can sustain. Let's jump in. Welcome to the energetic perspective series. Each [00:02:00] episode in the series will be focused on one aspect of each of the seven levels of perspective and intention.

Each of these seven levels determine our experience and the outcomes we get, as we move through the day. Welcome to level two energy, which is all about the fighter and I win. You lose thinking we're gonna be looking at what level two looks and feels like and how it may show up in your life and business experience, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of level two energy and perspective.

Again, every level has advantages and disadvantages. The characteristics I'm about to discuss often do not feel good and few, like to see them in themselves. I know I don't. All right. So remember, as we go through what this level, two perspective energy looks like and feels like some of the characteristics may resonate and others may not.

So [00:03:00] disregard the characteristics that don't resonate and make note of the ones that do. Okay. Cause remember awareness creates choice. And when we have choices, we can choose to shift our perspective consistently and increase our capacity to access the higher levels of energy. And at the end, I'm going to wrap it up by sharing with you some strategies you can use to shift to a higher level of energy.

So prepare yourself for some suck. Alright. But don't worry. There are things that you can do to shift. All right. So for real, for real, oh, let's dive in level one. Energy was all about the stagnation and feeling. The effect of life being the victim of life, things that happen at you. All right. And so there's still a bit of this in level two.

The shift from level one to level two comes when the discomfort of staying where you are, is [00:04:00] more painful than making a move to change it. It's kind of like the poker in the butt. All right. It's as if a fire was lit inside you at first, that fire is a thing that grows on its own into a conflagration.

When that anger is not directed, it can be destructive. In other words, catabolic. So level two is still considered catabolic. However, when you have access to higher levels of perspective, it can be used as a tool, but its results and effect are very different from what you're going to hear about today.

We're gonna talk more about that when we explore the higher levels of more anabolic energy. All right, right now, the characteristics that you're gonna be hearing about is when somebody is really stuck in level two, it's the predominant energy of not only in the workplace, but life in general. Okay.

Level two. Energy is characterized by conflict, internal or external. And the core [00:05:00] emotion here is, is anger. All right. There's a lot of anger inside and this energy contains thinking of. Agonism struggle. Resistance, blame, frustration, defiance. All right. So from a level two perspective, everything tends to be viewed as black or white, right.

Or wrong, good or bad. All right. These judgments result, and it's not, your judgment is bad. It's judging things as black and white, good or bad. All right. These judgements result in limited options since the full scope of available possibilities is not apparent. You just can't see them with that kind of thinking to the person operating with this level of energy.

They often manage and operate by force control or coercion. They may appear to be very confident. All right. Always thinking that their way is the right way they can get caught up in focusing on what's wrong. What's broken and potentially who or what is to blame. And while initial [00:06:00] results may look successful, this way of leading others and organizations will ultimately fail.

It's not sustainable. All right. The effort expended to live and act in constant catabolic energy will train them and those around them to. Just fight and struggle. All right. So one of the things that I wanted to mention also is that with this level of energy it, Let's put it this way. There are strong forceful leaders out there who are very successful even while working with this level two energy. They get things done. They can have terrific business success. For a time. This level of energy is not sustainable in the long run. And being seen as a strong leader can seem really admirable.

All right. Yet the characteristics of anger, forcefulness, [00:07:00] dictatorial, leadership, it can leak through and damage not only your business, but also your health and your relationships. All right. So this is part of why this is so important.

I just wanted to get that in there cuz I know we, we see many leaders out in the world, entrepreneurial business, world leaders who, who lead by this level two energy. And you know, they make money, they have success, but they don't feel that success. Right. They don't feel it. And the people that they lead certainly don't feel that success.

Let's dive back in to the pool. With this level two energy people can be angry and they blame themselves and, and others for their lives, the past for any negative thoughts and emotions. So there's a lot of blame that happens in level two. Blame is also apparent in level one, but in level two, I mean, it's, it's an angry blame.

All right. They're not taking [00:08:00] ownership of. Feeling their emotions. All right. So people with predominant level two energy are usually not as happy or fulfilled or emotionally satisfied as they could be. All right. Their work and home life is neither as productive, nor as exciting or fulfilling as, as they'd like

that doesn't feel good. And they usually don't feel like they're contributing. And they don't feel appreciated. All right. And so kind of think about how that worked. They don't feel like they're contributing and they're not feeling appreciated. And at the same time they may feel taken advantage of.

All right. So think of times, when did you feel taken advantage of all right. And so does it mean that they're not being taken advantage of? No. It means that they're feeling that way. All right. Many people at this level refuse to open up fully because they don't trust their partner, their team, the persons that they're with completely.

So they hold [00:09:00] back. Most people with this energy still feel that their life is not where they'd like it to be. In comparison to level one en energy people with this second level of energy are very they're very willing to do something about it though. Okay. So level one, they're just sitting in the suck in level two, they're feeling the suck and they're ready to do something about it, cuz it's that fire, that passion that moves them into action.

All right. And so many people with this level of energy perspective intention because of a past experience or circumstance that they've been through they haven't fully completely released it. Okay. And again, level two is catabolic. So that means that it breaks you down it's energy and it gets you into the move.

But it's going to break you down instead of allowing you to grow. And so with this conflict, anger, and force, they see threats everywhere. All right. So a little bit of paranoia. All right. They [00:10:00] see threats everywhere and they experience antagonism. They struggle. And they're always in attack mode. They're constantly working, who are my workaholics out there.

Raise your hand virtually. I can't see them, but admit to yourself. Okay. So are you a workaholic? All right. Are you constantly working? What is the reason behind not being able to take time off or to take time to refill your well, they're trying to do it all on their own. They tend to micromanage if they do have a team and remember I'm going through all of these characteristics, and if you have one, it doesn't mean that you have them all, you might recognize one or two of these or more of these.

Okay. But. These are just tendencies. They also experience a lot of defensiveness and self-protection. They experience resistance, frustration, and defiance as I said earlier. All right. Pushing. There's a lot [00:11:00] of pushing and fighting. All right. They get stuck in perfectionism rather than progress.

Okay. Things have to be perfect and they're pushing, pushing, pushing, and not allowing themselves to experience progress. All right. And so in business, this might look like forever getting stuck in making things perfect and not getting their offer or product out to their customers, black and white thinking, right.

Or wrong, good or bad other judgments result in limited options. And they can't see the possibilities that are always there. And opportunities are always right in front of you. But when someone has this closed off thinking and judgment, they're not able to see what's right and out in front of them.

All right. They're stuck in win or lose. I win. So you must lose thinking. All right. I win heck with you all. Thinking. Okay. It feels like a dog-eat-dog world and it feels like nobody cares about [00:12:00] getting to know the real them. All right. Oh gosh, that doesn't feel good. They still experience loneliness in a crowd.

That was a big thing in level one. They feel most people use them then discard them when they're done. And they must control all aspects of life. They also hold grudges against self and others. Forgiveness must be earned. All right. But here with, even if the forgiveness is, is earned, They're still holding on to the grudge.

The grudge is still there. All right. In general, they're disappointed in life . And one of the characteristics that we see a lot here is a person with this level of intention. With this level of perspective, this level of energy, they also engage in a lot of numbing behaviors because in level one, there was just like the numbness and.

Of enui. All right. You, [00:13:00] this is just what it is. And level two, all of a sudden there's new energy, there's new fire. And, you know, at first, like fire, it burns and it hurts. It hurts inside too. Okay. And so with like this influx of high emotion of strong, powerful emotions, There also comes a need for numbing.

All right, because it's too much, you gotta make it a little easier and our brains naturally do this. And so numbing behaviors are basically normally fun. Relaxing are otherwise enjoyable behaviors that are used to escape. Undesired tasks, experiences and feelings. And so you, how often have you found yourself, cuz this is a common human trait.

How often have you found yourself? You're supposed to be doing something that was work and that, you know, felt hard or was scary in some way, even if it [00:14:00] was very subtle, all of a sudden you find yourself surfing, social media, washing dishes. Doing another errand cleaning out a closet. Now those things, I mentioned, washing dishes, organizing a closet.

If I am doing those things I know. And, and, and I didn't like purposefully do them intend to do them. I know that I am avoiding something. That is either scary. That feels hard that I don't wanna do that. I don't understand. All right. So. That's kind of, one of my triggers is when I'm washing dishes or it's really bad if I'm organizing a closet cuz that's a big project that I am avoiding something and I'm doing a numbing behavior.

All right. And so numbing behaviors that leads to the next one, thinking that all good things in life are bad for you [00:15:00] because once those numbing behaviors are stopped, The things that you were escaping from return are still there. All right. Ignoring things. Don't make them go away. So the things we avoid do not go away.

Sometimes they get worse if we ignore them. And so it's kind of a faulty cause and effect logic going on there. Like the scrolling social media is bad. Watching TV, Netflix and chill is bad. All right. Those things aren't bad. They are neutral. They're they can be very fun, but doing those things when you should be doing something else and your brain knows you should be doing something else, you know, I'm using that evil word should when the fun activity ends, the unpleasant uncomfortable activity still is there and still needs to be.

Okay. Whew. All right. So back to some [00:16:00] other characteristics the need to punish others for taking advantage of them. So remember we talked about they feel that they're taking advantage of and yeah. Then they feel like they need to punish them. Push me one more time. And I'll explode the straw that broke the camel's back.

All right. And lack mindset is very strong in level two, and it feels like there's not enough to go around. They still feel like they aren't making enough money, that they don't have enough clients. They're not the right type of clients. Clients don't have money to pay them, or they're not getting paid.

What they're worth. Or even that they don't know enough somehow there's not enough of something and it frustrates and angers them. Okay. And there's also the emotional roller coaster between struggle and anger and when things are going good, they're going very good. All right. When they're at a high that's great.

But it doesn't last long and money is the same way. They may get a windfall, but they [00:17:00] lose it very quickly. It goes to bills. It goes to pay off something. All right. So money doesn't feel like it sticks around. that was a lot of suck, right? A lot of suck right there, but let's talk about the advantages because there are advantages and disadvantages.

Most of what we Have heard about level two feels like a disadvantage, right. But there are advantages. And the advantage of level two is that it enables people to get a lot done by themselves. All right. When you don't got anybody else, you know, you can do it or nobody does it as good as you, so you get a lot done and it can also motivate others temporarily.

All right. So anger, forcefulness, you need to get this done. And the, your employee or your friend or whoever is like, okay, I'll do it. And they do it and they do it. They do [00:18:00] it just to get it done. In that aspect, think about like, if you're forceful about trying to get somebody to get something done, like, you know, even a parent and a child, a parent, like being level two at their kid, get that done.

The person is just going to do the work. Right. But there may not be quality. The person is not going to enjoy the work. Your team member, child, friend, coworker is going to be miserable. All right. And so that's going to break down relationships. But back to the advantages. A person at this level is usually very good at playing the game the way it was taught to them.

The game of life, the game of business they're this is the step I'm gonna do this step. And this is what works and I'm following the rules. Okay. The disadvantages of this level energy, it, it can alienate other people and cause them to be motivated by anger or fear.

Because of that other people [00:19:00] are not inspired and your team members, aren't inspired your kids. Aren't inspired. And you know, it's just, they're just trying to get it done because they're either afraid of you or afraid of the person at level two or. They're pissed off and they just let's just get it done.

All right. And so oftentimes quality isn't there. Level two forcefulness can cause them to, to be dissatisfied and unproductive. Even with level two energy. I wanna remind you that no level of energy is inherently good or bad. All have advantages and disadvantages. Like I just spoke about the difference is in whether the person is a victim of the level of energy at the effect of it, or can use the level two energy as a tool.

As a resource. All right. And without being trapped by the emotions and beliefs of level two, so you can use the energy and not be trapped by the [00:20:00] emotions and beliefs. So you can, sometimes you need to use a stern voice like this really needs to be done right now, or I'm disappointed with how this turned out.

All right, but then still use the other levels of energy to, how can we make this better? All right. What are the, the other options? All right. And so I don't wanna give any spoilers, but it does get better and you can integrate this level, two energy with the higher levels of energy and use it as a tool.

The great thing about level two energy is that it is like lighting a fire of anger and the anger and level two feels better than the apathy and victim. Stiffness of level one. So when someone is stuck in level one, nothing much happens not until the level one person gets uncomfortable enough, irritated enough, or angry [00:21:00] enough to make a change.

And that's when the person's energy begins to shift from level one to level two. All right. And so on your own, when you have time, Ask yourself some questions, like how has some, how have some of these characteristics shown up in your life and in your business? Being aware of it is the first step.

All right. The more you explore and address and release these issues, the easier it will be to access higher levels of energy. I did promise some strategies for reducing the level two energy and making room to expand into the higher levels of more anabolic energy.

All right. Much of the work here is identifying your limiting beliefs, understanding how they are holding you back and adopting new ways of thinking about. Opportunities open up to you as you let go of black and white thinking and start exploring the gray [00:22:00] areas. What possibilities and opportunities open up to you when you go into the gray?

All right. The in between spaces. You actually also start making progress on your goals by embracing progress. Instead of perfection, perfection is impossible. And if anybody waited until a product or a service was perfect, it would never make it to market. All right. So think of software where apple, whether it's apple or Microsoft, the first releases are always full of bugs.

Not everything works the way it should. And then the software giants, they release updates and upgrades to improve their product in incrementally. All right. And so basically just you have to get what you have out there and make improvements based on the feedback from your clients, from your customers.[00:23:00]

All right. Failures, no longer hold you back from success. You have to change how you think about failure. All right. It's adopting a win or learn mindset. All right. Instead of a success failure mindset, now it's easy to say. It's harder to do to shift that internally within you.

To change how you feel. And, and to change your intentions, it's not just what you say and do it's your intention that changes your energy. All right. So if your business effort meets expectations, fantastic. And if it falls short of expectations, Yeah, it doesn't feel great.

All right. Until you realize you have either learned how not to do it again, or how to fix things going forward, and that's still fantastic. All right. So think of Edison, who we credit for [00:24:00] in inventing the light bulb, but was actually somebody else. But after his 900th and 99th unsuccessful attempt, someone spoke to him about failure.

And Edison's response was that he had only found 999 ways of not doing it. So thank goodness he didn't stop until he got it right. Because we'd all be sitting in the dark. All right. The next one is changing your concept of competition. All right. Competition disappears. When you start exploring abundance thinking just because somebody else wins, it doesn't mean that you lose.

And I'm not talking about a certificate of merit. All right. Just because somebody else wins you like on Facebook, on social media, you see someone celebrating their financial windfall or a financial success in their business. All [00:25:00] right. I myself celebrate them because yay. More wealth for more people.

I know that just because they got this financial success or they got this wonderful thing in their life, this, this gift of abundance, it doesn't mean that my abundance is not waiting for. Okay. Just because you win and just because you win, it doesn't mean that there's any less to go around for others.

And that's also important. You know, when we're talking about money mindset, just because somebody is giving you money doesn't mean that there's less to go around for others or that there's less value for others. All right. Competition is just a construct. Even if your business is in the same niche as a sea of others.

All right. Even if there are people who are kind of [00:26:00] like you or very closely like you, how are you different? And you are all right, what is your secret superpower? I almost hate using that word, but you know, there is something secret and unique about you. All right. How does your personality bring value to what you do?

How, how do you talk about what you do that is unique from anybody else? All right. Start thinking and exploring that a little bit more when you've start to feel like competition is like poking you. It's like, oh, how am I unique? Okay. And so we got a few more increase control over your strong emotions.

Now I'm not saying don't have emotions. I'm not saying quiet down or become smaller, just increase control over 'em so that you're not responding. Like a firework. [00:27:00] When something happens, you're not responding and reacting. Instead you want to intentionally respond, transform your fiery, angry or anger and frustration that holds you back into fiery passion that moves you forward.

Okay. At this stage, if you at the stuck you're the victim. Of your own anger and your anger uses you. And I'm sure you've seen martial arts movies or some kind of action movie where the hero stays calm and collected and he GOs the bad guy and the bad guy explodes and, and does something stupid.

And the good guy. SWOS in and defeats the bad guy or vice versa. There there's always that dichotomy, there's a time in the movie where the good guy is just reacting and he is angry and, and the wise person says, [00:28:00] control your emotions. It's the angry person that loses. Okay. So it's kind of a TV movie film.

Trope. Okay. And so it's true here too. So transform your fiery anger into fiery passion that moves you forward. Okay. And so you can use it as a tool instead of being used by it. And we got two more move on from grudges. All right. Practice forgiveness, and letting go of grudges. When holding onto grudges, often the person who is hurt.

Most is you. And it's like, you are drinking poison to spite someone else. And you're punishing yourself and merely annoying or making somebody else uncomfortable if you have a grudge against them. And that's even if they [00:29:00] are even aware that you have the grudge. All right. So forgiveness, isn't so much for other people, and this is kind of a cliche too.

Forgiveness is mostly for you to make you feel better, to stop hurting yourself, to spite others. Okay. And trust life and business feel so much easier and so much better. And they flow so much smoother and are less scary when you're exploring trust and what that means for you and your business. What would bringing on skilled help do to help you free you up from the minutia.

So you can work in your zone of genius, and that might look like learning how to delegate effectively and creating clear processes that your new team can use to meet your business goals and move past the win lose scenario. At level two, the core thought tends to be, I win. You lose. Okay. How [00:30:00] can you start to find the win-win solutions take responsibility for how you're feeling and thinking . both level one and level two tend to be at the effect of, or feel like things outside of themselves are caus.

How they think and feel, however, it's how we think and feel that determines how we see the world. So start deciding how you want to feel and what you want to think and look for evidence of how doing that changes your experience, explore how it feels to find success with your own power instead of forcing things to happen.

Next episode, we're gonna be talking about level three. I win. If you win too, that is okay. And things start to feel better at level three, since it's the start of the anabolic healing and growth, energy stay tuned. You won't want to miss it.

[00:30:56] Outro

[00:31:00] [00:32:00]

🔥 First up will be Level 1: Victim energy and "I Lose".

How to recognize and clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum, and fulfillment that was meant for you.

🔥 No one likes to be a victim. Nor do they like to feel or think of themselves as one. Even if life and biz are mostly great, you likely have subtle influences of this energy that prevent you from accessing opportunities that are right in front of you.

🔥 I'll be talking about how this "victim" energy, also known as Level 1 Perspective may show up for you, how to recognize it, how to stop being at the effect of it and break the cycle - so you can clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum, and fulfillment that was meant for you.

Listen in to hear about this 1st energetic perspective:

• How it feels
• what it looks like if you are stuck there
  • or are subtly affected by it (this is the tricky one) (minor head injury example)
• It isn't an all or nothing state
• It isn't always obvious
• It's not good, nor bad (a place of hiding and a place of rest)
• it has both disadvantages AND advantages
• Strategies (disruption & fiery passion) to get out of it and access the higher level energetic perspectives that will bring you where you want to go faster and more enjoyably.
• And so much more!

Remember: It's not what you say or do, but your intention behind it that matters

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

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TRANSCRIPT

87 - Energetic Perspectives Series: How to recognize and clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum, and fulfillment that was meant for you.

[00:00:00]

[00:00:55] Trina: Welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. Last week I spoke [00:01:00] about the seven different perspectives of lying that we all experience at some point or another. including How we recognize them in ourselves. And the worst type of lie that we need to recognize as soon as possible and stop it before it causes any more damage.

So if you missed it, go back and check it out.

But don't go yet, folks.

This week we are. Diving in to the energetic perspective series.

Each episode in the series will be focused on one aspect of the seven levels of perspective. Why is this important? You were about to find out this is going to be awesome.

Well, this first level is not so awesome. But we need to recognize. Figure out what it looks like, [00:02:00] and I'm going to also be sharing with you some strategies on how to get past it. All right. My name is Trina and I am a success and self-mastery coach. And today we are going to be talking about level one, victim energy, and the perspective of "I lose". What a fun way to start an episode. Right. No one likes to be a victim, nor do they like to feel or think of themselves as one. I know I don't. I know you don't - being a victim Isn't fun. Right? So who is this for? This is for you because there are times in your life when you will experience some of what I talk about here.

All right. [00:03:00] So have you ever been stuck in a pattern where you felt like you had no choice or stuck in a situation where. Well, maybe not you, maybe you don't recognize it as being stuck, but where you're doing mostly well or heck doing fantastic. Right? You still have some work to do. All right. Because serial success makers who are mostly working in their know and flow.

 But still know that there's something more for them. All right. They can struggle to integrate this into their lives or those of you who are working towards something that seems to take a step back for every step forward you take. All right. It's like the goalpost is moving and Hey, even if you know exactly what you [00:04:00] need to do, but it's either not catching on or it's exhausting.

It's exhausting. You all out of proportion to the perceived tax. All right. You likely have the subtle influences of this energy that prevent you from accessing opportunities that are right in front of you. I swear. These opportunities are right in front of you. You just can't see them yet. Okay. And Hey human.

Yeah. You, you have experienced this kind of low energetic state that I'm talking about, even if it's a small. All right. And we're going to talk really briefly, a little later on today about how even like a small bit of this energy can pull you out of alignment and the hide major growth from you. Okay.

And so. I'm going to be talking about this victim energy, as well as it's also known as level [00:05:00] one perspective, how it will show up for you, how to recognize it and how to stop being at the effect of it. And break the cycle. So you can clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum, the fulfillment, and happiness, that was meant for you. All right. So some things to keep in mind that it's not an all or nothing state, you could be regularly operating a successful business, building strong, compassionate relationships, leading like a boss and still into intuitively innovating solutions. But even a little bit of this energy's perspective can limit the health, happiness, wealth, and fulfillment that is possible for you.

And this perspective, isn't always obvious. If you're really stuck in it, it is pretty obvious. But if it's just a little bit in your energy and it's just a little [00:06:00] bit in there, it's easy to miss it and put the onus on something else. So for example, it's easy to look at a person or a situation that's vexing you and putting the onus on them.

If only the situation was different or the person was different. Life would be easier, right. This, there wouldn't be a problem. All right. So I'll be sharing some of the things that might be subtle influences that are pulling you out of alignment. And again, what I'm going to share with you

in this episode, at least these are things that aren't fun to look at. But I want you to keep in mind that none of them are good or bad. They all have advantages and disadvantages. All right. It's all in the perspective of how you look at them. And I'm [00:07:00] also not talking about blowing sunshine up your butt or guests, you, or gaslighting yourself because there are legitimate benefits to some of these.

I mean, we wouldn't do anything if it didn't benefit us in some way, even if it's not in the. That we desire to go. All right. It's serving us in some way also. Remember, it's not what you say or do, but it's your intention behind what you say or do that matters. Okay. Okay. So before we jump into the icy dark depths of level, one perspective, let's talk a little bit about what energy leadership.

Okay. Energy leadership was developed by Bruce D. Schneider. He's a renowned coach and founder of my Alma mater IPEC Institute for professional excellence in coaching and Luke Iorio who's the president [00:08:00] of iPEC described energy leadership like this. All right. As individuals, we view the world through filters based on our experiences, our values, our assumptions, and our perspectives.

And those filters will either limit what we see, like tunnel vision or expand what we see, oh, like a prison. And all of that together will impact how we perceive and what we think about our circumstances. Whatever those circumstances are. And this in turn impacts how we show up in different situations.

Okay. So the energy leadership index assessment, there's also an assessment by the way. So as I go through this, you can recognize, or not things that you experienced in your life and in your business. But there is an actual assessment that you can go through and be debriefed by a master practitioner.

like moi. All right. That will [00:09:00] help reveal what specific filters you've developed and how those filters are influencing the results that you're achieving. Okay. But you don't need the assessment to go through and do a self-assessment. All right. So that's what I'm giving you here. This is a process, that helps you develop a personally effective style of leadership that positively influences and changes. Not only yourself. But also those with whom you work, , you live with, people around you. Okay. And also your company, your business as a whole. And this is a research-backed system and it's utilized by companies like Boeing, Ikea, the us coast guard, as well as thousands of individuals and everyday leaders from all walks of life.

Okay, so this kind of energy leadership puts you in touch with the missing link between your ambitions and your ability to achieve them. I'm about to talk [00:10:00] about some uncomfortable things. So brace yourself. All right. If any of the things that I talk about start to feel like they're triggering you.

Give yourself some great. Give yourself some space and a great big self-hug. All right. It's going to be okay. And remember your focus is your energetic makeup. All right. That we're just looking at your energy right now, or you're looking at your energy. And so some things will resonate with you more than others.

Okay. And so I invite you to disregard the things that don't resonate at all with you at no point. As I talk about this, am I saying that you have this, although you likely have at some point in yours. Okay. So you might be able to remember back to a time when you've experienced some of these things, but I'm not finger-pointing and saying that you have this, but that these [00:11:00] are the qualities and characteristics that are common in this level. One perspective type of energy. Okay. So disregard the things that don't resonate and take note of the things that do. Okay. So this level of energy is catabolic. Ooh. I just threw out a big word. Catabolic energy is energy that breaks you down. All right. It's the process that the body uses to generate energy, to counteract a stressor.

All right. And the body will find available energy within you. All right. That's stored within you and pulls it to generate the action or the energy that you. Okay. They'll pull that stored energy from some other place in your life. All right. So a person who is at the effect of level one is under stress [00:12:00] and catabolic energy is most easily seen in our stress response.

So when we're experiencing. These are likely some of the experiences that we may have now noticed we're not always under stress. All right. And so we might not see them, but when you are under stress, these are more apparent. So if a person has any energy in this level, they are a victim of, or when I use the word victim, I mean, at the effect of like, oh, it's happening to me.

Alright of certain events, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and perceptions that hold them back from success. And so again, when I use the word victim, I'm talking about someone who is at the effect of something. So emotionally a level one feels bad. All right. It feels bad. And the amount of [00:13:00] desire, engagement, and action for life or specific aspects of it is very, very low accordingly level one energy.

It may show up as avoiding certain situations or difficult issues, not taking action and then avoiding making decisions now. If you're an entrepreneur, you know how damaging it can be if you're not, if you're avoiding things because you are afraid of them. If you're not taking action for some reason. All right.

What ha have you ever experienced a time in your life or your business where you were afraid to take an action or you didn't make a decision and then. It was too late to make a decision and you suffered some kind of consequence. All right. So oftentimes making a decision in business, it's it behooves an [00:14:00] entrepreneur, a CEO, a leader to make a decision fast, get the results fast because then you can make a different decision.

All right. It's not failing. All right, you get results, you get feedback. And so you make a decision. You get a fast result, you make another decision. at this level of energy, The stress about making those decisions. It results from a feeling of helplessness. I'm helpless to make a difference in any given situation or circumstance.

It may show up also as a feeling of powerlessness, often feeling that things are just happening, all right to them, and they don't have any control over the situation. It's a feeling of lack of control. Someone at this level might feel tired all of the [00:15:00] time. They might feel stuck and held back from success.

Like something is holding them back from the success that they, they see that they want. Okay. They may feel stuck, blocked, and unable to move forward. You see the next step, but you just can't make yourself take that next. in the safety, security, and anonymity, I didn't say that word right. Of your own home or raise your hand if you've ever felt that way, like stuck, blocked, unable to move forward even though you know, the exact next step.

All right. So even if you're just listening to my voice, I am raising my hand. I have felt this. Okay. Everybody has. It's not that you're not aware of what the next step is. You can't make yourself do it. An example of this is doing lives. All right. You [00:16:00] know, you need to do a live, you know, you have amazing things to say, but you can't push that live button.

You just can't make yourself push it. All right. So that's an example of that. Let's see, they might experience circular thinking. They get lost in thoughts, but they don't move, but the thoughts don't move them forward. And it's another word for rumination. They feel trapped by external circumstances.

It's something external to them that is holding them back. All right. There's not enough money. I in a remote location, people aren't close enough. I don't know who to ask for. All right. So external circumstances and something external to them that is holding them back, they might feel guilt for things that they've done or not done.

Right. Who's never felt guilt. I better not imagine seeing any hands go up. Okay. So, you know, guilt [00:17:00] can happen for things that you do or things that you've not done. Let's see, fear of failure and fear of success. I used to think that I never had the fear of success, but it's not true. When you think about building a business, when you think about bringing in a massive income, that feels great.

When you think about serving clients and serving a massive amount of clients, that feels great, but then there's also the subtle and sometimes unconscious fear of like, how do you need to show up differently to serve those clients? What systems do you need to have in place? To serve those clients.

You know, what is your money story? Like, you know, what does money mean to you? Right. So the fear of success comes up too. Oh, the fear of trying. Why bother [00:18:00] when nothing changed? And that may be the evidence up to a certain point, right? Why nothing I do about this particular situation ever changes.

So I just got to suck it up buttercup. Right? This is what it is. All right. So there's a couple of different ways of thinking about it is what it is. But when it comes to the perspective of why bother when nothing changes and the emotion behind it is one of defeat and giving up, all right. That's where that energy and under that phrase comes from.

Okay. And overwhelm a person at this level of energy might be feeling some overwhelm. All right. And have difficulty focusing. All right. And [00:19:00] what that might look like is having a really big project due, but having no ability to focus on it until they do a totally unrelated task, how many people has had, have had some kind of big thing that they needed to do, they couldn't make themselves doing it.

And all of a sudden they find themselves cleaning, washing dishes, doing laundry. All right. That's me when I'm in this level one, if I find myself doing household chores, I know I am avoiding something. And also procrastination now procrastination is not laziness. And in fact, I think I compare or combine procrastination with self-worth theory and perfection.

Okay. So, procrastination shows up here a feeling of lack of choice and options. And that brings us to [00:20:00] lack mindset, not enough of anything, especially time and money to go around. And again, we talked about this a little bit before, but avoidance of difficult issues, difficulty making decisions.

So, and also no, or low productivity. Right. And this might look like being busy all the time, but at the end of the day, you found out that you were so busy thinking about all of the things and doing menial and various tasks, nothing was actually accomplished. All right. This is kind of common. All right.

Feeling helpless to make a difference feeling like you're losing at life and business.

And avoiding confrontations. This means looks like having avoiding, having difficult conversations with team members with vendors or with clients or with family members. Okay. Avoiding those confrontations, avoiding having those [00:21:00] difficult conversations and avoiding embarrassment because oftentimes embarrassment feels like that.

It feels like death. All right. This is a big one because the embarrassment that I'm talking about is the embarrassment that is prolonged. It's prolonged by continuous thinking about it, I'm thinking about what embarrassed the person, but they can't escape it because they keep reminding themselves about it.

So if something embarrassing happened, think yes, that was embarrassing. But now. I stopped thinking about it. I'm going to think about something else. I know. I know easy to say, hard to do. We're going to get to that in just a couple of minutes. All right. Just a couple more things at this level, a person in level one in the victim perspective, they feel unappreciated undervalued.

All right. And the thing is, [00:22:00] it's not other people who are undervaluing them, they are undervaluing themselves. Right. And they're just trying to get through the day and they're lonely in a crowded room. You could be surrounded by awesome people, but feel lonely, feel like you're alone and invisible and misunderstood.

And sometimes at this level, a person is lacking. Or they've forgotten their purpose, man. Okay. Oh, that was rough. If you are still with me through that slog of level one, how kudos pat yourself on the back, give yourself a great big hug. Okay. Being in level one is not fun Even though the list we went through might have shown you some of the things that we don't like to recognize in ourselves.

I want to remind you that no level of energy is inherently good or bad, all [00:23:00] have advantages and disadvantages, and now we're going to get to what those are. Well, the disadvantages are pretty apparent, pretty apparent right here. But the advantages for level one center. And this is a really abbreviated list.

And I'll get to the why in just a moment, level one energy, the advantages are, it allows people to protect themselves from harm. All right. You don't try or do anything because you, you protecting yourself from failing. They can receive attention and sympathy from others. If you've been on social media for any amount of time, I am sure you've seen some posts that seem as if they are trying to elicit attention and sympathy from others.

. The advantage for a person who is experiencing this level is they don't have to assume responsibility of any negative life events. It wasn't my fault. It was something [00:24:00] outside that did it, right. It's not my fault. And in regards to the disadvantages again, they are pretty apparent.

None of what I talked about earlier in this episode has feels any kind of good, but for a person with a lot of level, one energy, they have little to no engagement in roles and tasks. When we talk about being in business and working, doing work, there's no engagement. All right. There's no ownership of tasks.

They encounter great difficulty effecting change, creating change, and improving life circumstances because the why change, why change? Just the nothing I do will make a difference. So why try? And they lack the ability to lead themselves and others. So, no matter what [00:25:00] you are a leader, you're a leader, no matter what you do or how you act, all right, people will see what you do and how you act.

And, you know, even if you're just leading yourself, Okay, but you're not going to effectively lead yourself. You're not going to effectively lead your team or your clients in that way.

All right. Take a deep breath. We're going to get to better things now. Okay. So now we're going to talk about the strategies to shift to a higher level of energy. Ready. Okay. . Being a level one, does suck. All right. It is rough, but the good news is you have strategies you can use to pull yourself out [00:26:00] of level one and into higher levels of energy.

Okay. And so those are, this one is going to sound a little trite, but bear with me, focus on the present and let go of the past. I know, so easy to say hard to do, but recognizing that just because the past was a certain way, you can choose to think, believe, feel, and act differently in the future.

So just recognize it or write it on a sticky note, slap it up on someplace where you're going to see it. Okay. Because of this takes work to integrate. All right. Focus on the present what's happening right now. What's happening in this present? One of the things that I take my clients through is grounding, centering somatic exercises.

Close your eyes? What do you taste? What does the inside of your mouth [00:27:00] tastes like? Do you need to brush your teeth? Does it taste like your tea? Does it taste like your coffee?. All right. Does it still tastes like lunch or does it taste clean? All right. What do you smell? What does your head feel like? What are your shoulders feel like?

What are the clothes feel like on your body right now? Can you feel your butt in your seat? Can you feel your feet on the floor? All right. Focus on the present. Become deeply present. All right, the next one, focus on what is in your immediate control and take immediate action, even if it's a tiny, tiny, small step forward.

All right. What is in your immediate control? You know, maybe it is, you can brush your teeth, but maybe it is you can stand [00:28:00] up, change your physical state. Changing your physical state is a huge, huge strategy. All right. Maybe it is in your immediate control. I can take a deep breath.

All right. What is in your immediate control and take immediate action. What is the next step you can do within the next five seconds? That will take five minutes or less. All right. And do that step, no matter how tiny it is, find ways to fill your well and put on your oxygen mask. All right. Make sure you put your oxygen mask on first.

And so this can look again I'm sure you've heard these suggestions. All right. And I'm not just regurgitating them. These will legitimately change your physical state. All right. Getting six to eight hours of sleep, [00:29:00] eating healthy, bringing more physical movement into your daily life, and making meditation or prayer. If that's your thing, part of your daily routine and exploring interests, hobbies, and clubs. All right. Evaluate your current relationships and explore new friendships. All right. Spend time with those who lift you up and set boundaries with those who bring you down boundaries. Are there things that one needs to respect for themselves?

It doesn't matter what anybody else does. My boundary is my boundary. If somebody else crosses it or impinges upon it, I get to decide what I no longer tolerate. Okay. And so when we talk about spending more time with those that lift you up and setting boundaries with those that bring you down, this isn't about ending relationships, unless [00:30:00] that feels right to you.

This is about making a conscious decision about who you spend time. Realizing this isn't a judgment on the other person. It's focusing on how you feel when you are around them. So if you're around somebody who always brings you down or who, you know, is like a psychic vampire, you can decide not to spend time around them and you don't have to give a reason.

You can tell them the truth that I'm choosing to do this right now. You know, I value your friendship, but this is where I need to be right now, journal and create lists. All right. And that might look like doing daily gratitudes. I have very good friends who I see all the time putting up their daily gratitudes and you can do it publicly, or you can do it privately.

All right. Make lists about simple things, profound things about yourself and others list your skills and your [00:31:00] accomplishments to date. All right. Be as objective as you can, especially when you're talking about your skills and accomplishments. It's so easy to to forget about past accomplishments and discount skills that you've already achieved and built up because if you could do it, everybody else can, and that's not true. All right. Ask someone you trust for help. All right. Don't just ask for help blindly, because you're going to get a whole bunch of advice that you do not want. So find someone that you trust and ask for help.

All right. And again, I want to go back to goals and accomplishments because there are some people who, once they accomplish things or they get really good at something, they take it for granted [00:32:00] and they tend to discount it as something that everyone else can do. And really that is not the case at all.

All right. And another list is identifying the I'm not good enough thoughts. All right. Identify your inner critic. Pay attention to when you find yourself thinking things like I'm not good, I'm not smart or talented or skilled enough. Just make a note. All right, who am I to do this?

And challenge those thoughts. Don't just take it as fact, who am I to do this? Who am I to do this? It's like, who am I to do this? I'm the only one to do this. I'm the best one to do this. I'm the one to do this because, okay. And perhaps the hardest part of getting out of level one, is because I just talked about a whole bunch of [00:33:00] strategies, which are super awesome.

Okay. But one of the biggest challenges of getting out of the level one perspective is being stuck in a pattern of inertia. All right. And if that's the case, it's time for a disruption creating some kind of fire underneath your butt. And when, when someone is stuck at this level of this perspective, it can feel like you're caught in a cycle.

Like you can't get out. Awareness of the pattern is great. Being aware of it is great and it provides choices, but you can't stop there. Okay. You can't stop with just awareness awareness paired with inaction equals self torture. All right. So don't do that to yourself.. Practicing disrupting this level one state will increase your capacity to access the higher levels of energy things.

Get better things, get funner, things, get [00:34:00] more compassionate things, get more powerful things. Get more intuitive. All right. So that means you need to continually choose to disrupt any level. One pattern you see in yourself, light, a fire, whether it's under your butt or in your soul, what's pissing you off about the situation or how you're feeling or what the situation is.

What do you no longer have availability for. What are you done with what is on your not to do list now, right? What's the line in the sand, the final straw that will goose you into moving into action, light that fire. Initially it may even feel like anger and force. All right. And that may feel uncomfortable at first.[00:35:00]

I may feel uncomfortable in a different way from the discomfort that you're experiencing now, but it will get you out of the swampy mire and into the action that characterizes a level, two perspective energy. Okay. And we're going to talk about that in the next episode. Remember, everyone's energetic profile is normal for them.

And yours is normal for you to, okay. What you're going through is normal. It may not be fun. It may not feel good, but you do have strategies now to get yourself out and remember, you don't need to do this alone. If you want help or you want to explore what that might look like, reach out to me and book a call.

All right. And it will be a no strings attached call. We will just have a conversation. [00:36:00] All right. And see where it goes from there. And inevitably you will leave with personalized strategies that will help you move out of this level one and access. What is possible for. Right. So have a wonderful day and I will talk to you later.

[00:36:20] Outro

[00:36:20] Trina: next week, the energetic perspective series continues with level two. This is where movement starts to happen in a forceful and fiery energy. With the perspective of I win. Entrepreneurial leaders can be successful in this energy. But it's not sustainable. We are going to talk about how level two shows up and how to turn this conflagration of force conflict and "my way, or the highway" intentionality into the fiery passion that gets your momentum going. It's going to be a fantastic episode folks so tune in next week you won't want to miss it[00:37:00]

[00:38:00]

🔥 Lies.

• We hate 'em
• Sometimes We love 'em.
• We get lied to all the time.
• And…We ALLLLL tell them.

🔥 Recent research has found that other than a small percentage of outliers we humans don't lie as much as you'd think. That's great, however when we DO lie it can affect our mental, emotional & physical selves.

🔥 I'm sharing the 7 different perspectives of lying that we all experience at some point or another. I'll share how to recognize them as well as the worst type of lie that we need to recognize asap and stop before it causes any more damage. 

Listen in to hear about:

• The 7 Perspectives of lying that we all experience at some point or another
• How to recognize the intentions and perceptions around them - both when being told lies, and when telling lies
• Exploring emotions when telling lies
• How our bodies respond to lying
• The worst type of lie, and why we need to catch it before it goes any further.
• And so much more!

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
• Would you love to share how you are multiplying your impact using your unique skills and abilities?

If so, I'd love to interview you!

Apply to be interviewed here on The Field Guide To Awesome podcast: 

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TRANSCRIPT:

86 - The 7 Different Perspectives of Lying & The Worst Lie We Need to Stop Before it Causes Any More Damage

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Intro

[00:00:56] Trina: Have you ever gotten asked a question and [00:01:00] then think at first you got nothing. Only to realize that there's so much. That it all wants to come out all at the same time. Recently I was asked about a personal and or professional story that helped me stand where I am today.

So that's what I did. Last week. I shared the story of how I learned to become truly fully alive. Eyes wide nostrils, flaring, fully awake, expansive. And filled with a deep mental, physical, and emotional peace. that Informed my emotional and entrepreneurial journey. I was so thrilled to share it with you. So if you missed it, go back and check it out.

But don't go yet, folks.

[00:01:43] Episode Start

[00:01:43] Trina: Today, I am going to be talking about the seven different perspectives of lying that we all experience at some point or another. I'm going to talk about how we recognize them in ourselves. And the worst [00:02:00] type of lie that we need to recognize as soon as possible and stop it before it causes any more damage. My name is Trina and I am a transformational self-mastery coach and I help visionary entrepreneurs stop the overwork overwhelm over delivery exhaustion cycle. So that success. Can actually feel like success. And today I am talking about lies. We hate them. Sometimes we love them and we get lied to all the time and we all tell them.

So there are seven levels of perspective on lying. The first level lies tend to feel expected. Like you expect to feel lied to there's a sense of [00:03:00] powerless and defeat. Like of course. They lied to me all. I hear a lies, right? When you perceive somebody telling you lies, it feels like everybody lies to me.

The truth is hidden to me.. And when you, now, when I say the word you, I mean, you, me, everyone, when we're at this perspective, at this level of perspective, this is what tends to be there. All right. So when we tell lies, we tell lies from the space of, I don't know, Or I'm afraid for others to find out. And there's a lot of guilt and shame there.

All right. Not me. Who did this? Not me, not me. All right. So it's a source of conflict and self-defense and cowering. All right. We've all had this. And so that's when we're at the effect of it. [00:04:00] And we'll talk a little bit more later if we have time about how we can use this level as a power. All right. Instead of just a perspective.

All right. So the second level lies, elicit. anger, outrage. It's a source of conflict. So we're level one. We were avoiding conflict with level two. It's a place of conflict we're settling in. It's "I win, or no one wins.". I win. Forget about all y'all all right. So the perspective at level two, when they perceive someone is lying, whether it's true or not, it feels as if they just don't want me to know how to get ahead, they can do it. They just don't want. So that's if the person at level two is working with a team, you know, when they say, oh, I [00:05:00] can't do it. Yeah. They can do it. They just don't want to. All right. How dare they lie to me? So oftentimes the response when told lies is outrage and. Force conflict and the person tends to feel threatened.

All right. There's a sense of deep betrayal. I'm not mocking anything because this is what a person who is reacting from this perspective is feeling. And I CA I can hear someone out there. I'm not saying that you, I'm not saying that's me saying, not me. I'm never that way. We all have an aspect of this in ourselves someplace, even if it's very tiny.

All right. So when they tell lies, there's a sense of subterfuge to get ahead. Like I'm not going to tell them this so that I can get ahead. All right. [00:06:00] So the idea at level two is. You don't, I'm going to win heck with y'all.

And oh, level three, things are getting a little bit better. All right. But there's still a perspective of lying at level three, the lies at level three, this is a space of tolerating making do, making some progress, things are doing okay. But there's a lot of tolerating, less than ideal. And a lot of managing people and manipulating people. All right. And so at level three, lies tend to be used to manage a person or a situation. There there's no, or very little, if any Malignancy in there, there, it's just, they're lying just to manage, to get things, to go their way.

All right. And so our response when a person at this level is feeling that they're being lied to is a deep sense of disappointment and a loss of [00:07:00] trust. All right. When a person at this level is in this perspective, experiencing telling a lie it's as if they don't need to know they as the other person outside of the person at this level, don't need to know, but I got to tell him something, right. They don't need to know the truth, but I need to tell them something just to get them to participate or to leave me alone. Often little white lies.

And honestly, I think the little white lies that's prevalent almost every day. There was some research out there that spoke to the fact that in any conversation, a person tells two or three lies, little tiny, tiny lies, even. All right. Lies of omission tend to be a little more prevalent here.

What people don't know won't hurt them. [00:08:00] Right. And more silence instead of having to tell a lie silent. Starts here and just to hold the peace and the silence isn't to make anybody else feel better or to hurt anybody or to suffer, but it just holds the peace.

At the level four perspective of lies, there's a deep desire to shield someone from pain, from sadness, from shame, from disappointment. All right. So if somebody is telling a person a lie, who's at level four and the person at level four, at that perspective perceived it as a lie. There's a sense of concern. All right. There's a sense of concern.

What if the person who is lying to me? What if they're lie causes them more pain or sickness or hardship. All right. There's concern for the other person who may be [00:09:00] telling the lie than the person who is perceiving the lie. It's worry about the other person or about other people. There's upset and worry about how the lie would affect another person or group.

All right. If you notice at the perspective of level four, there's no personal concern about how it might affect them. It's more about how it might affect the other person or persons that the lies being told about that the, the people that they're serving. When someone level four perpetuates a lie or tells a lie, it is to preserve and out of care and concern for the person that they're telling the lie to.

All right, because the truth may be hurtful or the truth wouldn't make things better for them in the long run. They're truly better off not knowing an example of this might be if [00:10:00] someone is on a deathbed, And they say, did you do something or I need this done. And the person at level four says, yes, it's done. It's taken care of you don't need to worry anymore. Okay. Or if there is something that the person asks or is worried about. And the person at level four will say something. It could be a lie, but it's the person who is receiving the lie. They could do nothing about the situation anyway. And so it's to relieve hurt it's to relieve worry it's to provide a sense of peace.

All right. And so if you notice the amounts and kinds of lies that are told throughout the level from level one and you're going to see as we go up to level seven, the amount of lying decreases the [00:11:00] quality of lying changes. All right. And so a person who is at level five at the fifth level of perception in regards to lying, there is little to no lying there.

There's more rationalization perspective shifting when they perceive that they're being told a lie, curiosity comes in. Okay. At level four, it was concern. Worry, how can I help this person? So the beginnings of curiosity, and now at level five, it is a full curiosity. Why might this person be lying?

You know, why, what is the reason behind it? How can we get to the truth so that we can both. Right. And when telling lies a person at level five generally does not lie. The truth is very important at level five. If there is anything like that, it might [00:12:00] be a lie of omission because the aspect might not be pertinent for the issues that they're dealing with at the moment.

So, so yeah, it's just omission .

With the level six level six is aware inspiration gets even bigger. Inspiration. Intuition comes alive at level six. There's a sense of oneness. I am me. I am you, you are me. Where a sense of oneness comes in at level six. And when it comes to perceiving that someone has lied to a person at level six, the response is pure curiosity.

All right. It's pure curiosity again. Why might they have told that lie? There's also some acceptance because everything at level six is there for a reason, serves a lesson provides opportunity. So. There's no judgment towards the other person it's pure curiosity, what [00:13:00] opportunities become available to us all in the face of the situation now by perceiving this lie where does this person not feel safe to tell the truth?

All right. And when it comes to a lying, a person at level six generally does not tell any lies. There may be some, a little bit of omission. There's a different perspective sharing, but there is no outright lying at level six. Little to none.

when we get to a level seven now level seven is kind of tricky because no one really fully resonates at level seven.

I mean, some maybe like Gandhi. If you follow the Christian Catholic religions, Jesus Christ, Mohammed with Islam... , these[00:14:00] are pure non-judgment we as humans, we tend to judge all right. That's how we survive. Right. And we tend to be quite judgmental creatures when we hit level seven. There is no judgment judgment.

As in regards to judging things as good or bad, I'm not judgment in regards to thinking and making decisions and that sort of thing. But in regards to good or bad in level seven, there's no judgment. Everything is, everything just is, as it is. There's no good. There's no bad. Everything's there's for a reason.

And there's a place of pure love, pure acceptance that happens at level seven. Holographic thinking is full on here. You get glimpses of the holographic thinking in level six holographic thinking is seeing hearing and expressing mind, [00:15:00] body emotions. Everything is in alignment and it is in a state of pure being.

But with level seven, there's really no such thing as a lie or a truth. Everything is there's pure, acceptance and love. And with level seven, you get to see beyond all of the other levels of energy, because the higher you are in the level of energy, the level of perspective, that means you get to see all of the lower perspectives.

Of energy. So in this case, when you're at the top with level seven, when you get glimpses and flashes of it, all right, this is a glimpses and flashes type of perspective. You get to see all of the lower levels of perspective. All right. Take into consideration that none of us are in any one of these levels all the time.

All right. It's like, people tend to think I'm a level six person. I [00:16:00] am pure intuition. None of us are all right. And we could be at any one of these or all of them at any point in the day, so that we could have a stressful experience and come at it with a level one. Something that scares us that makes us want to go clash against.

We could go into the level two. All right. So we could experience all seven of these throughout the day. All right. And so the, one of the reasons that I bring it up is that the more awareness you have of where you are and how you're experiencing a lie, it gives you more tools. You have all of the levels that you're below.

The one that you're currently at to use as a. All right, so I could talk forever on this, but because it is complex, but I think the next thing that I want to share with you just to give [00:17:00] you this, cause I gave you this primer of the seven different perspectives of lies, but now let me ask you, cause that was all very cognitive.

Now I want you to get into your body and think about how do you feel when you're telling a lie. You know, like psychopaths and sociopaths, they have very little empathy. And so telling a lie doesn't elicit any physiological or neurological changes, but in the majority of us, we experience neurological neurological physiological changes.

When we tell lies because telling lies is hard on our body, it creates a sense of anxiety and discomfort. Dishonesty puts our brain in a heightened state of alert. All right, because we have our, remember the story that we tell. It's so much easier to remember the truth because the truth is there.

It's always there in the [00:18:00] background and you know, it's the truth. And you know, the thing that you're, the story you're telling is not the truth. And you need to remember the story in case you need to tell the story again, right? So you don't get caught in a lie. So dishonesty telling lies, create stress in your body.

Why does it create that stress? Well, you know, we have reputations, we are social animals and we have reputations to maintain. Right. And so in our bodies or our respiratory system and heart rates increase we start to sweat, our mouth goes dry and our voice can shake. I think in NLP, the eyes go, you can track where the eyes go when somebody is recalling or when somebody is lying or thinking different eye positions can indicate whether or not somebody is lying.

And lying activates the limbic system and the [00:19:00] brain, which is responsible for the fight or flight response. That's triggered during stress and the gut brain axis. So if you're stressed about something, your gut, you know, you feel the butterflies in your gut and your stomach, and you feel the nerves in your gut.

And long-term lying is also associated with an array of negative health outcomes, including high blood pressure, increased heart rate vasoconstriction elevated stress hormones in the blood. All right. And because it affects your body. You can try to manage where you look and everything, but you're not going to catch the micro expressions.

You're less likely to catch how you're breathing. You might get shifty-eyed without thinking of it because you're not always aware. You're thinking you're trying to find the ideas or the story that you told. And [00:20:00] so those show up. Notice when I was talking earlier about how, when somebody perceives, they may not know that you told a lie or you may not know that somebody told you a lie, but you have a feeling a sixth sense that somebody might not be telling you the whole truth. You know, something's not right. Okay. It may not be because something, they said, cause it might make sense, but it doesn't feel right. There's something about their behavior and their interaction with you that you are picking up on.

All of these things come together and I'm not here to tell you to lie or to not lie because we're all going to lie. I'm not telling you to be angry or frustrated or forceful with anybody who's lying to you because everybody tells lies. All right.

But knowing what perspective you come to, [00:21:00] all right. What your dominant perspective is when you lie or you hear a lie or someone lies to you. It gives you more opportunities when you are aware of that. Okay.

One of the worst types of lies and here I, I used a judgment word, but you'll see why in a second, one of the worst types of lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

All right. They are one of the worst types of lies that we can tell are the ones to ourselves. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because there's some place within our body, whether it's our gut, our heart, our minds, that we know it's not true, no matter how many times we tell it, but it's our habit of, of saying this particular belief.

I'm not good at this, [00:22:00] or I like doing this or when instead, you know, that you don't like doing this task, you know, it's like you're talking yourself into something. There's no joy in it. There's no passion in it. Or saying that we believe something when we really don't, because in a way that's a form of gaslighting.

We're telling ourselves that we believe it when we really don't. We can use it as an affirmation and then reflect back to our body and say, oh my, you know, my I'm saying, I believe I'm a millionaire. And in my gut, my, my gut is telling me no, you're not. And so how can you shift that sense in your, in your abdomen, in your heart?

All right. And your sense of presence so that you feel as if you are abundant so that it aligns with what you say. All right. So it's when we say we believe something that we really don't, when we say we don't want something that we really do. [00:23:00] All right.

It's the lie we tell ourselves when we subconsciously believe, otherwise it eats away at us deep inside and it shows in our results. And when I say in your results, look around you, where do you live? What are the relationships in your life? Like what's your bank account look like? All right. What's a sense of freedom that you feel in your life.

All right. What are the relationships that you have? What are the quality of those relationships? All right. So there's no judgment on lying because we're all going to do it. We're all going to experience the lies, but it's how we allow the lies or the untruths or the omissions. To effect our inner energy. Okay. [00:24:00] So let me know what you took away from this. I would love to hear and have a wonderful day.

[00:24:10] Outro

[00:24:10] Trina: Next episode, I'll be starting the energetic perspective series. Each episode will be focused on one aspect of each of the seven levels of perspective and intention. Each of these levels determine our experience and outcome of how we move through life in business. First up will be level one, victim energy, and "I lose."

No one likes to be a victim, nor do they like to feel or think of themselves as one.

Those stuck in the victim energy pattern tend to feel like they have no choice.

Those of you who are doing mostly well or heck doing fantastic, still have some work to do. It can show up in serial success makers who are mostly working in their know and flow, [00:25:00] but still know that there is something more for them.

And they can struggle to integrate that know and flow into their lives. Or those who are working. Towards something that seems like it takes a step back for every step forward they take. Hey. Even if you know exactly what you need to do. But it's either not catching on. Or is exhausting you out of proportion to the perceived task.

You likely have subtle influences of this energy that prevents you from accessing opportunities that are right there in front of you. Hey human. Yeah, you. You have experienced this kind of low, energetic state. Even if it's just a small bit. And that small bit, will pull you out of alignment.

I'll be talking about how this victim energy also known as level one perspective, may show up for you. How to recognize it. And how to stop being at the effect of [00:26:00] it. And break the cycle. So you can clear out the subtle forces that are holding you back from the momentum and fulfillment. That was meant for you.

Stay tuned folks. You won't want to miss it.

[00:27:00] [00:28:00]

🔥   Have you ever gotten asked a question and then think at first you got nothing. only to realize that there's so much that it all wants to come out all at the same time?

🔥  Recently, I was asked about a personal and or professional story that helped me stand where I am today.

🔥  It's a story of how I learned to become truly fully alive, eyes wide, nostrils, flaring, fully awake, expansive, and filled with a deep mental, physical, and emotional peace... and informed my entrepreneurial journey. 

Listen in to hear about:

• What travel really is
• Feeling safe wherever I am
• Expanding self-awareness and choice
• Turning off your default auto-pilot
• Living a fulfilled purposeful life
• Choosing your "hard"
• Traditional paths aren't always safer
• Traveling "light"
• Entrepreneurship = Crash course in personal development
• Creating your personal Field Guide To Awesome

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
• Would you love to share how you are multiplying your impact using your unique skills and abilities?

If so, I'd love to interview you!

Apply to be interviewed here on The Field Guide To Awesome podcast: 

• https://bit.ly/fg2aguestapplication

You can find me on social media:

Facebook Group: The Field Guide To Awesome Podcast Tribe

• www.facebook.com/groups/thefieldguidetoawesomepodcasttribe/

The Field Guide To Awesome: Your Energetic Path To Flow free FB group:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieldguidetoawesome

Transcript:

85 - FG2A - How travel has transformed my entrepreneurial journey

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Trina: Welcome back to the field guide to awesome [00:01:00] folks.

In my last episode, I spoke about emotional intelligence specifically on how to increase your EQ starting with a super simple 30-Second practice.

Highly successful entrepreneurial leaders tend to also have a higher than average EQ. So it's easy as busy visionary entrepreneurial leaders with many demands on your attention to get caught up in the busy-ness of business and to take your emotional intelligence for granted.

The problem happens when you are dealing with subtle stressors, like chronic tolerations and small frustrations. Or getting irritated at minor mistakes, whether made by you or someone on your team, a client or a vendor. Or Either dreading conversations or experiencing miscommunications or getting frustrated with team members for not delivering to your expectation. Or even noticing yourself [00:02:00] getting irritated at things you aren't usually irritated by. Then getting irritated at yourself for getting irritated in the first place. Or even noticing tiny mistakes or issues that slow your businesses. Momentum and give you that sinking exhaustion that has you girding your loins, ready to wade into fixing the things that should have been done right the first time. It's easy and common to have the thought of, well, that's the price of doing business. It doesn't have to feel that way though. Yes, mistakes and errors will happen.

And business will feel like work. And does require us to put in the effort. And we can't control anything outside of our own selves. But you don't have to feel like you're tolerating less than ideal and suffering through the process. There is a way to shift your own mental, emotional, and physical experience that can improve your results in your [00:03:00] business, get you better results from your team and give you a more fulfilling life as an entrepreneurial leader. I'm Sharing a simple 30-Second method. To increase your EQ to shift your mind, body and emotions so that you can start catching your mental, emotional, physical stress reaction either before it starts or before you get too deep into it.

If you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

but don't go yet, folks.

This week, I'm sharing a little story about how travel has transformed my entrepreneurial journey. As well as informed my resilience and self mastery coaching practice. I can't wait to share this with you. So stay tuned. It's coming up.

[00:03:42] Trina: Hey, Hey everybody. I'm going to share a personal story with you. Have you ever gotten asked a question and then think at first you got nothing only to realize that there's so much [00:04:00] that it all wants to come out all at the same time. Recently, I was asked about a personal and or professional story that helped me stand where I am today at first.

Yeah. Hi, drew a blank. There are so many moments. I remember that have formed me into who I am and inform me and drive my purpose. And I am overflowing with stories. So it's hard for me to pick out one single story, but one of the overarching stories of my life is my love of travel. Travel is for me, not just going on vacation, it's not a vacation.

It's not getting away from it all. It's not escaping from my day to day reality. To me travel is learning to be wherever I am. [00:05:00] It's immersing myself in being fully awake, aware, alive. It's learning that I'm safe wherever I am upon a re-entry quote, unquote, returning home to my normal life. I bring more and more of that into my daily experience.

I become more aware of my conditioned responses. Awareness increases the opportunity to choose how I want to show up differently when we're home. It's so easy to get lost in our default mode. Default mode is that state of being that is deep into autopilot and autopilot is grrreat for flying.

It's not so great for living a fulfilled and purposeful life. There was a day back in 1994, many moons ago. When I realized I'd been lost in my own personal autopilot, it felt like I was merely [00:06:00] surviving, traveling through a dark, foggy tunnel. When I looked backwards and looked forwards again, everything looked the same.

Gray washed out. No inspiration. I realized I didn't feel alive. It was at that moment, I knew something had to change and it had to be big. It had to be drastic. I hadn't heard the acronym BHAG yet, even though it was coined a couple of years earlier, but I had just had a glimpse of my first big, hairy, audacious goal.

I decided to backpack around great Britain for a couple of months. And this was way before I had access to the internet, mobile phones, digital cameras. All I had was a travel book called let's go great Britain, fabulous book, fabulous travel series. I planned for six months and I saved up enough to cover my [00:07:00] rent and car payments while I was gone.

And after buying my round trip ticket and my, Euro rail pass, I had $33 a day. I could spend on food, lodging and transportation. And at the time in pounds, it was 22 pounds a day. Not a lot of money. All while I planned and prepared, I told my family work mates and friends about what I was going to do. No one, one person, only one friend believed me.

No one else did family would laugh at me and tell me I wasn't going to go. That it was ridiculous. I remember looking at them with my head cocked to the side. Like a confused puppy and saying, don't you see every thing that I'm doing to get ready, look at all the things that I'm doing to prepare.

They continued to not believe [00:08:00] me up until the day I had to catch my flight from Boston to Heathrow. And I insisted that I needed a ride to the airport. My grandmother dropped me off at the bus station with a worried look and told me to give her a call.

If she needed to pick me up right back up, it was two months before I returned home and we saw each other again. It took a while years maybe before I understood what I was doing was so far beyond what those around me could imagine as possible that they couldn't see what was happening right in front of them.

And this was my first long-term solo travel experience. And I was hooked!. Again, and again, over the decades, I'd pack a bag, a small bag and travel for a month, two months or six months solo with a vague plan, my heart full of adventure, curiosity and [00:09:00] thrilled by the unknown. The more I flung myself into the unknown, the safer I'd feel I was building evidence that no matter what situation I was in, I'd be fine.

Whether it was exploring back alleys in Bangkok foraging for food and Hong Kong learning to live in Paris, Florence, Thailand, or Bali couch surfing in Singapore and Paris. I wouldn't even give up the hardships. I've had at least one cold or illness in each country. I've visited. I've defended myself from a pack of feral dogs and Costa Rica.

I had to brace worthy sprained ankles in Paris. I broke a tooth in Bali. Gosh, I thought that was a trip-ender. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Only two instances of food poisoning. One of them was by eating the best Italian pizza from a Mexican restaurant in all of Southeast Asia, according to the sign [00:10:00] and thanks to the special ingredient food poisoning. I can now find a restroom wherever I go in the world.

I realized that I could choose my "hard". There will always be difficulties and hardships. Whether you stay in your comfort zone or you plot a path into the uncharted, choosing non-traditional paths can seem glamorous, fun, and exciting.

Some see leaving the traditional as giving up, taking the easier path. In actuality, forging your own path is also hard. If I had to choose between the "hard" of staying the same and the "hard" of growth, I choose growth. Every time I learned the less I carried the freer, I felt the more I let go of holding onto belongings or protective beliefs, because I might need them.

And allowed myself to release them and trust that whatever I needed would be there. My sense [00:11:00] of safety and freedom expanded. I learned that there are wonderful and amazing people everywhere. I learned to feel comfortable wherever I was. This kind of travel required me to open up my awareness. I learned to come out of myself and be very situationally aware.

I learned to turn off my autopilot and become more aware of my thoughts and my automatic reflexive responses. I learned I could choose how I felt. And that changed what I experienced each time I returned home transformed less afraid, more curious, my sense of adventure grew and I'm even more thrilled by the unknown.

I can still remember the first time I felt truly fully alive eyes, wide nostrils, flaring, fully awake, expansive, and filled with a deep mental, physical, and emotional peace. It felt like I was [00:12:00] flinging myself off a cliff with an almost painful joy, knowing that wherever I'd land would be awesome, truly awesome.

I wanted to feel that way as often as I could. So I embarked on the wildest trip of all entrepreneurship is perhaps the most profound journey anyone can undertake. The business side of things is essentially easy. You can find out how the, how to do anything online. The how to be part is the secret kicker.

We look up to those that consistently hit success after success and tend to think that it was easy for them, that they had a leg up that we didn't, that they didn't struggle. Their achievements seem so far beyond what we think we can accomplish. Sure. Some of these serial success makers had a leg up. And those that inspire me most have [00:13:00] started with nothing, either way, those that stay in the game and enjoy the process have had to transform themselves to become resilient, not just overcoming obstacles, but truly seeing obstacles as opportunities.

Entrepreneurship is a crash course in personal development and resilience. My podcast, isn't a travel journal, but it was inspired by my adventures. And the deep personal transformations I experienced life is an adventure. Entrepreneurship is a lifestyle of adventure on hyperdrive. Every weakness, every fear, every bit of self doubt is exposed.

The good thing is that once you see it, you can choose to accept it, decide how you want to be instead, and courageously traverse the space between as you embody your ideal self, then you get to do it again.

And again, it's a hell of a ride [00:14:00] and there's no one roadmap that holds you by the hand. Step-by-step that fits everyone. I use field guide in my show's name, because that's what we're all doing. Each for our own selves, we are creating our own personal field guide to awesome noting our vision and walking and running down our particular path, making fast decisions and when they work fantastic.

And when they don't give us what we expect. It's uncomfortable, but that's great too. Are unexpected results. Aren't failures, they're opportunities for us to grow. There are opportunities to see other paths. We take note of the results of our decisions. We ask other travelers on the road. What's ahead. We share our notes with those coming up from behind us and together we create a fuller, more informed experience.

We learn from our histories. We are all going someplace. We haven't been before [00:15:00] and we use both our experience and our vision of the future to inform ourselves because our point of power is in our present. So now it's your turn. I invite you to think back to a pivotal moment in your life that changed you fundamentally.

How did it change you? What became possible for you once you flipped that switch, what's your vision of your future and where in yourself do you need to expand your capacity to receive what your vision has in store for you? Remember your vision of your future is meant for you. You just need to expand your capacity to step into it.

[00:15:52] Outro

[00:15:52] Trina: Thank you so much for listening. So far I've shared over 80 interviews with experts and [00:16:00] visionaries about their struggles. Their triumphs and what they've learned along the way. And there are more to come. I'll also be sharing more insights with you on how you can expand your capacity to receive the connection, alignment, freedom, clarity, and fulfillment that you desire.

On that note. Lies. We hate 'em, sometimes we love them. We get lied to all the time. And we all tell them. Next episode, I'll be sharing seven different perspectives of lying that we all experience at some point or another. I'll share how to recognize them as well as the worst type of lie that we need to recognize ASAP.

And stop it before it causes any more damage. Stay tuned for next week. You won't want to miss it.

[00:17:00] [00:18:00]

Highly successful entrepreneurial leaders tend to also have a higher than average EQ.

It's so easy as a busy visionary entrepreneurial leader, with many demands on your attention, to get caught up in the busy-ness of business, and take your emotional intelligence for granted.

When you are dealing with subtle stressors like:

• chronic tolerations and small frustrations, or
• getting irritated at minor mistakes, whether made by you, someone on your team, a client, or vendor
• either dreading conversations or experiencing miscommunications
• or getting frustrated with team members not delivering to your expectations
• or even noticing yourself getting irritated at things you aren't usually irritated by (then getting irritated at yourself for getting irritated in the first place.)
• or noticing tiny mistakes or issues that slow your business' momentum (and give you that sinking exhaustion that has you girding your loins, ready to wade into fixing the things that should have been done the right way the first time.)

It's easy - and common to have the thought of "well, that's the price of doing business." It doesn't have to feel that way, though.

Yes. Mistakes and errors will happen. Business will feel like "work" and does require us to put in effort. And we can't control anything outside of our own selves.

But you don't have to feel like you are tolerating less than ideal and suffering through the process. There is a way to shift your own mental, emotional, and physical experience that can improve your results in your business, get you better results from your team and give you a more fulfilling life as an entrepreneurial leader.

Listen in to learn a simple 30-second method to increase your EQ. To shift your mind, body and emotions, so that you can catch your mental/emotional/physical stress reaction either before it starts, or before you get too deep into it. Don't miss this!

Listen in to hear about:

• What Emotional Intelligence is, and why you need to check yours.
• What's in your "cup"?
• The 3 step process
• How often to practice

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
• Would you love to share how you are multiplying your impact using your unique skills and abilities?

If so, I'd love to interview you!

Apply to be interviewed here on The Field Guide To Awesome podcast: 

• https://bit.ly/fg2aguestapplication

You can find me on social media:

Facebook Group: The Field Guide To Awesome Podcast Tribe

• www.facebook.com/groups/thefieldguidetoawesomepodcasttribe/

The Field Guide To Awesome: Your Energetic Path To Flow free FB group:

• https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieldguidetoawesome

TRANSCRIPT

30-Second Self Check-in Method to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Intro

[00:00:56] Trina: Welcome back to the field guide to awesome [00:01:00] folks. In my last episode, I spoke again with Koni Scavella.

Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

An entrepreneur for 17 years with degrees in theology and physics. She has worked with new startups, fortune five hundreds and Inc 500 companies in healthcare, real estate. Education sports, finance, oil and gas, retail ministry hospitality. Entertainment.

Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong can brake entrepreneurs. But it doesn't have to be that way. Highly successful. Visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency then their less successful counterparts. But also life outlook and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience.[00:02:00]

That's why Connie and I continued our conversation. And this time we spoke about a 100 K loss dealing with betrayal and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently, committing to figuring it out.

[00:02:17] Trina: If you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

but don't go yet, folks.

Over the next few weeks, I have a combination of some more great interviews. And solo episodes.

This episode, is a special solo episode with me. On emotional intelligence specifically on how to increase your EQ starting with a super simple 30-Second practice.

Highly successful entrepreneurial leaders tend to also have a higher than average EEQ. So it's easy as busy visionary entrepreneurial leaders with many demands on your attention to get caught up in the busy-ness of [00:03:00] business and to take your emotional intelligence for granted.

The problem happens when you are dealing with subtle stressors, like chronic tolerations and small frustrations. Or getting irritated at minor mistakes, whether made by you or someone on your team, a client or a vendor. Or Either dreading conversations or experiencing miscommunications or getting frustrated with team members for not delivering to your expectation. Or even noticing yourself getting irritated at things you aren't usually irritated by. Then getting irritated at yourself for getting irritated in the first place. Or even noticing tiny mistakes or issues that slow your businesses. Momentum. And give you that sinking exhaustion that has you girding your loins, ready to wade into fixing the things that should have been done right the first time. It's easy and common to have the thought of, well, [00:04:00] that's the price of doing business. It doesn't have to feel that way though. Yes, mistakes and errors will happen.

And business will feel like work. And does require us to put in the effort. And we can't control anything outside of our own selves. But you don't have to feel like you're tolerating less than ideal and suffering through the process. There is a way to shift your own mental, emotional, and physical experience that can improve your results in your business, get you better results from your team and give you a more fulfilling life as an entrepreneurial leader. I'm Sharing a simple 30-Second method. To increase your EEQ to shift your mind, body and emotions so that you can start catching your mental, emotional, physical stress reaction either before it starts or before you get too deep into it.

I originally recorded it live and wasn't using my sweet, sweet [00:05:00] microphone. So the audio is a little rough, but the lesson is clear. And I hope you enjoy it. Let's jump in

[00:05:09] 30-Second Self Check-in Method

[00:05:09] Trina: Hey folks. Hey, how's everybody doing today? I'm sharing with you the 30-Second Self Check-in Method to increase emotional intelligence for visionary entrepreneurs. Okay. So why "EQ", why emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence helps you transform how you react in stressful situations. It also changes how you operate in your business and daily life.

. So what if you could reduce the amount of irritations and things that you tolerate? And improve the results that you get from your team. . Also how awesome would that be? . So the side effects include like better relationships in every aspect of your [00:06:00] life, as well as increasing your sense of fulfillment, you know?

And so that success actually feels like success, right? So do me a favor, if any of this resonates share how this is landing for you.

. Because I love getting that feedback and I love talking to you guys about this stuff. . So today, I, I was going through my daily practice well going through my day and just doing the things that I've always done and the things that I actually teach my clients to do, I walk my talk and I realized that I hadn't really spoken to you about it succinctly.

And so this episode is going to be relatively. So just as a reminder of this is Trina . I'm a transformational resilience coach and I help success, stalking visionary entrepreneurial leaders, [00:07:00] like you to regulate your nervous systems so that you can quiet your inner critic, prime yourself for flow.

And I'm talking neurological flow here, right? So that you can stop the overwork over-delivery overwhelm exhaustion cycle so that success can actually feel like success. And I'm also the host of the field guide to awesome podcast. And I interview multi-six and seven-figure entrepreneurs, and we dive into where they started the struggles they had along the way, and the unique way they think differently that's led to their current level of success.

And so again, today I'm talking about the 30-Second Self Check-in Method, that helps you increase your emotional intelligence. So let's jump in. So high EQ helps you transform how you react in stressful situations, and it also changes how you operate in your business in your daily [00:08:00] life. And so these are big claims, right?

They are. The big claims, but it's a simple process, this 30-Second Self Check-in Method,

and it only takes 30 seconds to do, but it's going to take just a few minutes to tell you about what it is, how to do it and why this is all important. Okay. So often we are operating by default, and reacting to life events as they arise. And so imagine you're walking with a cup , and it's full to the brim of liquid and you're walking through life and, and it's a crowded life. You've got a lot going on. You have a lot of things that you're doing and . A lot of people that you're talking to, and, and you're carrying this cup of liquid and somebody bumps into you, what falls out?[00:09:00]

Some people said, oh, it's coffee, coffee falls out. Oh, it's T T falls out, whatever falls out is whatever is in your cup. And so emotionally speaking, we are filled to the brim with emotions. We're filled to the brim with physical sensations. We're filled to the brim with thoughts, right? And so somebody bumps into you, the things that you are full of are going to spill out.

So if you're full of frustration, exhaustion. And somebody bumps into you. what do you respond with? . And that may not be your normal, but imagine back to a time when you were frustrated or you were irritated or you were over tired, or you had something else that was preying on your mind and a stressful event.

[00:10:00] Happens. Somebody bumps into you. Somebody says something that comes across as crappy. It wasn't their intention. Maybe it was, but we're not going to think about them. We're thinking about ourselves. All right. Somebody says something or you read something or you get a disappointing email. How do you respond?

What falls out of your cup? Let's build. And then think to a time when you were feeling good, right? Everything you are calm, you're happy. You are filled with the sense of peace and wonder you were full in your known and flow. Somebody bumps into you. What falls out, curiosity, maybe concern a willingness to help.

To listen, to hold the space. And so whatever you're [00:11:00] full of, that's what falls out. So how do we know what we're full of? And it can change moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day. Okay. So this 30-Second process is going to help you do that self check-in. So, you know, what's going on. And I'm going to share just the high overview right now.

And we'll, I'll do other lives in the future so that we can really dive into exploring that maybe at some point I'll do actually a meditation. . But , this 30-Second process is something that you can do anytime. . And so I'm going to walk you through it. Ready? It's going to be exciting.

It's also going to be super simple. Okay. So the first step is to pause for 30 seconds. And [00:12:00] during that 30 seconds, you're going to check in and say, ask yourself, what are the thoughts that I'm thinking? What is that thought?

What emotion am I feeling? Name the emotion,

and then what is going on in my body? What is my physical state? How does my body feel? So those are the three steps and it takes just 30 seconds to do just pause. I'm having this thought, oh, I feel this way. And this is how my body feels now. Oftentimes if the thought is not something that serves you in the direction that you want to go, because everything serves us, everything serves us to some degree or another.

But it's whether or [00:13:00] not that thought is something that we desire to think. . So what is that thought? Just observe it and accept it. What does that feeling? What is that emotion and what is that physical sensation? Don't go into this with the need to change it. And this is really important.

We don't do this process to change the thought, to change the emotion, to change the physical sensation, allow it to be as it is, just observe it. But the cool thing is that often when you have a thought , and you notice the emotion and you feel the physical sensation just by observing them, you'll notice that they start to shift a little.

. The observation is the catalyst. . And that just, and a [00:14:00] catalyst is something that happens and something else. It doesn't, you don't go to change something. You're not adding making a chemical reaction, but the mere presence of the observation tends to shift what you think, how you feel and your physical sensation, your physical.

Okay. Now you might wonder too, how often do I need to do this? Because look one 30-Second stint of checking in, you know, it's good for that 30 seconds for this next segment of your day, you know, to say, what am I feeling? And you have a better idea of like how you're going to react.

So how often.

As often as you need to. And in fact, the more often you do it, the faster that you're going to see a change. Now, some people might also think that [00:15:00] saving this process for when you're aware that you're thinking gremlin thoughts, limiting beliefs. Oh, I just had a limiting belief. . Or I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling exhausted at first.

That may be the trigger for you to say, oh, I'm going to do this 30-Second check-in okay. But the key to creating a longterm shift is doing this process regularly. When I work with clients, we co-create a process so that they can remind themselves of when they're going to do it. And it's mindfully making a choice.

And when we go about our day on default, we're just doing things and reacting to life as it happens. But when we take ourselves off default and act more mindfully, then [00:16:00] focusing. Choosing deliberately deciding to do this practice, you will notice there'll be times when you feel. What's my thought. Oh, I like that thought.

What's my emotion. Oh, I feel, I feel good. I feel happy what's my physical sensation wheww. I feel relaxed, open and. I'm aware. And you're going to have times like that. That is great. Okay. And then the next hour that you do it. Oh, I had a bad thought. No thoughts are good or bad, but I had a thought that didn't feel, or my emotions.

My emotion I'm sad. Or my physical sensation, I'm tired or I feel heavy or I feel pain in my body. Now I want to also give [00:17:00] you an example of a couple of times when I've done this for myself today. Earlier today, Wheww! I did a check-in and whew I felt a little sad. I started with my emotion this time.

I felt a little sad. What was the thought that went through my head? I, oh, I don't know if I have the energy to do this today. You know, I'm feeling a little pressured and then the physical sensation was when I checked in, it was like, I am legitimately tired. I'm legitimately low energy at this moment in time.

I didn't try to change it, but just by observing it, I could look at my physical sensation and see how it was informing my emotions and how my emotions were affecting how I thought. And when I realized why I was [00:18:00] tired. I went to a concert last night and didn't get home until very late. So no wonder I'm tired.

No wonder my physical energy is a little bit low. Right? And so when I reflected on that, it's like all of a sudden my emotions changed and I gave myself some compassion. Now, none of this did I do on purpose? It was just natural. That's why I'm tired, you know? Cause I went out and I had fun. So my, my emotions came up.

It's like, oh, I feel better. And then my thoughts were, it's like, yeah, I'm tired, but you know what? I can rally my energy. And there are things that I'm excited about doing today. . And that naturally changed. And then right before doing this live, I sat and did a self [00:19:00] in 30 seconds. I sat in and this time it went to my body were feeling some butterflies.

And then I looked at my emotions and I was like, Hmm, I'm a little nervous. And then I went to. Thoughts. It's like, oh, but I haven't gone live for so long. What are people gonna think? And just automatically things started to shift for me. Okay. It's shifted. Like all of a sudden the butterflies went away, the emotions, I just got excited about doing this live and my thoughts changed to, well, they're going to hear from me now.

Because this is something that I want to do and that I'm passionate about and that I love and that I enjoy. Okay. So those are just two moments that I wanted to share with you [00:20:00] of when I do this, but I do this self check-in quite often. . And one of the practices that I'm bringing back to myself as being more mindful of when I do these practices, because it has become second nature to me over the decades that I've been doing this work.

. So that's one of the things that I'm doing for myself. And I encourage you try out this 30-Second practice. What is the thought that I'm thinking. Name the emotion that you're feeling right now and check in on your physical state. How is your body feeling? 30 seconds.

Let me know if any of this resonated with you, if you're going to try out this practice or, Hey, if you've done this practice before. . And We'll talk to you later..

I'd love for you to [00:21:00] tune in next week. Folks, I'll be sharing a little story about how travel has transformed my entrepreneurial journey. As well as informed my resilience coaching practice. I can't wait to share this with you. So tune in next week

[00:22:00] [00:23:00]
 

🔥   Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong, can break entrepreneurs. But it doesn't have to be that way.

🔥   Highly successful visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency than their less successful counterparts, but also life, outlook, and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience.

🔥   That's why Koni and I are continuing our conversation. This time we're talking about a 100k loss, dealing with betrayal, and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it out.

Listen in to find out about:

• What it means to be psychologically unemployable
• Remembering who she was again
• Leaving her multi-6 figure corporate job
• Transitioning from corporate to working with entrepreneurs
• Searching for mentors & Masterminds
• Believing in herself enough to invest in a 100k famous-multi-mentor program...that evaporated
• Dealing with betrayal, humiliation, embarrassment, and immense loss of trust
• She never lost the conviction that she could make a million dollars in a year.
• How learning what it felt like to be betrayed in that way taught her how she wanted to build her business going forward
• The turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it out
• and so much more!

Learn more about Koni:

Community: http://TheIconicEntrepreneur.com

Workshops: http://The7FigureWorkshop.com

Books: http://KoniScavella.com/SOAR

The SOAR Quiz: http://KoniScavella.com/quiz

Website: http://KoniScavella.com

Facebook: https://Facebook.com/KoniScavella

Linked In: https://Linkedin.com/in/KoniS

Instagram: https://Instagram.com/KoniScavella

YouTube: https://YouTube.com/KoniScavellaTV

Take the 2-minute SOAR QUIZ to Discover What is Holding You Back From Success

... AndGet a FREE Copy of the SOAR BOOK

The SOAR Book and Quiz Bundle is a 4-step Instant Freedom Formula scientifically designed to help you unlink your past from your potential so you can live an unlimited life of success and happiness. 

• Save hundreds of hours of time and frustration with these ultra-simple methods to break free of your blocks.
• Gain instant clarity about your problems and the instant solution that will help you achieve your goals & dreams
• Access decades of proven tools, strategies and systems to help you elevate your mind and skyrocket your business in record-breaking time.
• Tap into the highest part of yourself and get 100% support along the way from our expert technologists.
   

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

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Trina

Transcript:

83 - Koni Scavella, PhD: Overcoming financial loss & betrayal with Iconic Resilience

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Intro

[00:00:56] Trina: welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. In my last episode. [00:01:00] I spoke with Leslie Rochelle.

Leslie is a soul led leadership coach who supports new and emerging leaders to bridge the inner and outer connection with self. Cultivating the skills and confidence that support their foundational leadership platform. So they can powerfully claim their leader within. She's a wife, mama coach mentor, international bestselling author. And the founder of Leslie Rochelle coaching and consulting.

Companies love to promote new executive leaders up from their ranks. It reduces cost time to productivity and increases employee retention and team morale.

However research has shown that 40% of new executives fail within 18 months, whether it's the cultural fit, inability to build teamwork or they're unsure of their role as a new leader. So that's why I spoke with Leslie Rochelle about her leadership journey, as well as widely held [00:02:00] misconceptions and small shifts that can transform your leadership capacity.

Both of your sense of fulfillment and impact will skyrocket when you make these shifts.. If you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

but don't go yet, folks.

We're continuing our conversation. With. Koni Scavella.

Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

An entrepreneur for 17 years with degrees in theology and physics. She has worked with new startups, fortune five hundreds and Inc 500 companies in healthcare, real estate. Education sports, finance, oil and gas, retail ministry hospitality. Entertainment. And Connie, and I will be talking about becoming the difference maker reverse engineering, her success and niching [00:03:00] profitably. It can be so easy to take success for granted. - That is until your process stops working. That's why we're talking today with Koni Scavella about how she got her aha from experiencing failure after a string of successes.

Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong. Ken brake entrepreneurs. But it doesn't have to be that way. Highly successful. Visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency then their less successful counterparts. But also life outlook and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience. That's why Connie and I are continuing our conversation. This time, we're talking about a 100 K loss dealing with betrayal and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it out.

[00:03:59] Trina: Join me in [00:04:00] welcoming Koni. Scavella. .

[00:04:03] Interview

[00:04:03] Trina: So often we, we love talking about the successes

[00:04:07] Koni: Yeah. Hmm.

[00:04:10] Trina: they're fun and we love them, but we also need to take a look at the failures of when they happened and how they happened and what was going on doing that. The lessons learned because I feel like when we do that as well, there are people who are in it right now.

[00:04:36] Koni: MmmmHmm

[00:04:37] Trina: They're in those those points of failure right now. And when they hear and see how someone else overcame it and what became possible for them after it's like a Ray of hope and the stories become real and the possibilities become more real. And so are you comfortable [00:05:00] talking about some of the failures that you experienced in the past that you've overcome

[00:05:04] Koni: Absolutely.

[00:05:05] Trina: and what those were were like for you?

[00:05:08] Koni: Yeah, I'll give you two. Okay. And these were pivotal ones. They were huge for me. And I think a lot of people could probably relate to both of them. One is financial. One is emotional. All right. If we have enough time to do

[00:05:24] Trina: We have time.

[00:05:25] Koni: Okay. All right. And let me start with the financial one.

And so for me, I was here's something, a lot of people don't know is that over my career, like a lot of people, I I'm psychologically unemployable. I am a great employee. Right. All the way to the C-suite. I can do it all. I don't like it. I mean, there were so many times driving to my job, even though I know. Multiple six figures in jobs that I [00:06:00] sometimes I'd literally stop, pull over, throw up cry, wipe my mouth and go straight on.

Right. Because I hated it so much. And but I just kept going and I thought, well, that's all I can do. Then I finally remembered who I was again. I thought I'm going to go do my thing. I gave myself a an F-you date, the date that I'm going to go to the company and say, oh bye. Right. And I had it planned out..

I had the day I had how I was going to do it. I was going to come in late at night and had a prominent office. And I was going to come in late at night, clean everything out, and then they'd all walk in and oh, where is she? And I was so excited. I knew the date and then I decided do it early, right? The date was July [00:07:00] 4th. That was my independence day. And I thought, no, I can't take it anymore. And so I left in April, I got, I'm doing it, going back out on my own. I had, I had consulted with corporates, but what I really wanted to do is not have those chains in those boxes.

I had to fit in as a corporate consultant. I wanted to work with entrepreneurs. I love that. Like, somebody has a dream. It's like, get this out of me, help me make this grow. That's my passion. And I come from four generations of entrepreneurs. That's my thing. It just lights me up. So I'm like, I'm doing, I'm going.

I left a extremely high paying position. But I knew I smart. I can do it. I've had my own companies, no big deal. I hadn't done this. And this was in not too long ago. Early 20, 19 yeah, early

[00:07:51] Trina: So not long at all.

[00:07:53] Koni: No, no. And I had extreme success consulting. Right. But not in this venue with entrepreneurs [00:08:00] exclusively.

And so I thought this is it. This is easy. I'm going to go out and do this, but I know I've always succeeded. Well at look, why do I succeed? Always had good mentors. So you know how to, as we see all of these options, it wasn't so bad at this time to hit different masterminds and things like that. And I had attended a lot of them trying to get out and do it on my own, but I never did.

And I was at that job. For four years, I said, I'm, I'm building

[00:08:32] Trina: a long time. It feels like a long

time.

[00:08:35] Koni: It felt like 20,

[00:08:37] Trina: Yeah.

[00:08:38] Koni: but here's the lie. This is what made me like that self hatred, right. That just like, I'm lying to myself. And I kept saying, well, when I make on my business, what I make in my job I'll walk away. But that was a false safety net.

Right. And so I kept that up because I was [00:09:00] super successful at my work. And then the more successful, I put more time into it and less into the other and it became this the cycle. Okay. It really was a cycle of doom and gloom. And so I finally do leave and I start out and I go to this event and I had kind of planned out who my mentors were going to be.

It just so happened that three of the candidates were all coming into this one big event. And it w big event downtown. And there were 12 of the big gurus. Right. All of the names everybody knows, and this is amazing. And so I go to this event and I come in as a guest for one, for one of the people. So it was nice.

I didn't even have to pay and they all come up and they give their spiel. And there's 10 of. Amazing. I'm like, wow. And of course, you know, the pitch is coming and at the end, they're all specialists in different areas. It could be video and [00:10:00] email and, and coaching and hiring and training and all these things, internet.

And you're like, gosh, which one do I pick? You know, when they say here's our offer, we're all coming together. And we're all going to be your coach in one group. And I thought, oh, this is perfect. They all know what they're teaching me. This is everything unified. This is exactly what I want. And then they tell us the price and it's a hundred thousand dollars.

[00:10:29] Trina: Holy moly. Yeah.

[00:10:31] Koni: I'm like, well, you know, I guess you paid $10,000 anyway, a person over time. And so I, you know, I'm doing this check with my family. What do you think? They're like, absolutely not. Don't do this. I'm like, you, you know, come on, it's my turn, I'm fighting for this. Right. And so they offer financing and okay.

I've great credit. I do the financing thing, but this so happens to be at the same time that my mother is actually dying. [00:11:00] And so I'm going back and forth across country, up time with her trying to do this thing and I fly over there and then I'm supposed to have my orientation call. I sign up and I have a 15 minute call now.

Oh, we need to reschedule it for next week, which is fine. And that was the end. Never heard from anything. I was devastated. That was a hundred thousand dollars. I was on a loan for, and I had no business. I not working. Nobody, they all scattered like termites. As I try to find this, all of these famous people, if I, it everyone's jaw would drop.

If I named them all and they're still out there and nobody would help me. It was the me, the main person who did this whole charade and there was four or five of us that fell into [00:12:00] this and it was awful. And I worked and worked and tried, and I begged, I risked exposing that I didn't care at this point.

Right. I was going to put all their names out there. Bottom line, I was so hurt. I was hurt. And have you ever been

[00:12:19] Trina: like such a betrayal of trust.

[00:12:22] Koni: it's betrayal. My mentor, Dr. David Hawkins would say, that's the equivalent of a spiritual rape, where everything you put your faith into is stripped away and you don't know who to trust.

If that was the best of the best all together. And they do that, what's going to happen next. And it made me so angry because I locked up my heart. I didn't want to trust, and then I didn't even want to be in this business. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. And it took a long time. One person gave me a portion of his money back. They didn't all get paid either. They all got paid some, but not all of it. And that was [00:13:00] it. And I was humiliated. I was embarrassed. I had to go back to my family and say, I know, you know, you were right. I'm an idiot. And, but I didn't stop. I'm like, but that was what I wanted. Right. I wanted that.

And I never got the money

[00:13:16] Trina: And you trusted yourself enough in the moment

[00:13:19] Koni: Yep.

[00:13:19] Trina: to go all in, to go all in

[00:13:23] Koni: I knew I can. Yeah. And I knew I could make a million dollars in a year. That was the deal. Right. Of course I can, if I have all that, I can do that. So this was everything I wanted. And then it was all taken away and I was like, huh. So it took a little, a few months to recover from that.

But it became the silver lining because. I understood the betrayal. I understood a really dark side of this industry that I had no understanding of how slimy and sleazy and how many liars [00:14:00] and cheats there are out there. And I got behind the scenes and I saw these businesses that said they were so amazing.

They were shell games. And I was like, wow, I would never ever want somebody to feel what I felt that actually became the silver lining. And that that's when I decided to put my business together. So what do I want to do? I said, I want to do exactly what I wanted there. Right? I want to give everybody everything they need to have a business, not these little pieces and parts, you know, and hacks and tricks. A whole business, a whole business. And so eventually that became a blessing, right? Because I thought, how do I make a whole business and take people to a million dollars in a year? And that's my business now, but I don't think it would happen if I didn't fall so hard.

Right. At the same time. That is during that time, my mom passed who was like my best friend, my whole

[00:14:57] Trina: I'm so sorry for your loss.

[00:14:59] Koni: Thank you. [00:15:00] She's she was angelic. She was like I always say she was a combination of mother Theresa Jackie. Oh. With all her style and grace and she looked like Meryl Streep. So put all that together.

And I was absolutely blessed in a world where people are like, oh, I'll take your parents. Right.

[00:15:16] Trina: Yeah.

[00:15:18] Koni: So, and that goes a long way. Right. A lot of people don't have that benefit. I was very, very, very blessed to have that upbringing. And so that was. I thought that was my lowest of lows. Right. The money is gone.

The job is gone. My trust is gone. My faith has gone. Now. I don't even know what I want to do. Like that was what I wanted to do now. I don't even want to touch it. So

[00:15:44] Trina: what was that? What was the turning point that took you from that place of, you know, you just felt so burned, burned by the industry to heck with it. I'm going to do what I want to do [00:16:00] and figure it out. What was that?

[00:16:03] Koni: yeah, I'd love to say it just happened like the next week, but I was like dumb a couple more times.

[00:16:09] Trina: Yeah.

[00:16:11] Koni: And so, because I was still an open wound. Right. You know, they say until you heal from something, you don't really have the ability to not keep attracting it. And so I kept attracting. The same thing. I found it this time, I thought, well, I'm not going to do that.

I'm smart. I'll get a separate coach and this and a separate coach in this. I hired each coach, $20,000 a piece. I went backwards, $120,000. I'm a straight a student. I have a PhD in advanced, theoretical physics. I did everything they said to the letter and I went backwards $120,000. I could not understand.

I am just bleeding, bloody everywhere. And then yet to the world, I have to look like I got it together right [00:17:00] together.

[00:17:01] Trina: an important point, right there is you're going through struggling and trying to put on a fresh face to the rest of the world, like a fro a false front saying I'm doing great. And when really you're struggling.

[00:17:18] Koni: Huh. Huh.

[00:17:20] Trina: And so what kind of job does that do on your psyche, on your emotions?

[00:17:25] Koni: makes it impossible to attract anybody. Right. Because I don't feel worthy of, even though I know I'm great at what I do, I just didn't feel worthy if I can't make right decisions. What is going on? The other thing that happened was as I was looking at, why, why am I keep doing this? And I realized the golden key on all of it was yes, I needed mentors.

I've always had mentors my whole life, and that was vital. But this time I was looking at them [00:18:00] incorrectly, I was looking at these people as savior. Right as idols. And I thought I know nothing about this, just because I hadn't taken my business online in coaching. I'd done it and finance and other things.

I hadn't done it online in coaching. I hadn't done it with the entrepreneur. I'm thinking based on everything they tell me it's so different. It's not right. It's humans wanting a goal, but I believed them so much that I took all of my self-worth and put it on them. And it made me empty. Right. Because I took everything that I was, gave it to them and I was left with nothing.

And once they take that, I'm a shell. Right. And then I feel like a fraud. So it was hard. It was the hard year, hard, hard, hard year. And then it was at December that 2019, all of this happened very quickly. And then I looked up and it was November. It was almost Thanksgiving. I'm like, no way. I'm [00:19:00] not going to end the year.

And the red, I'm not going to have a losing year. I've never done it my whole life. I am not going to do it. And then I just stopped everything. Just basically threw everything out and said, okay, CA I've been a winner in everything. Right. And then you have to start accumulating your wins. Okay. Did this? I

[00:19:22] Trina: And trusting your wins because I think one of the challenges that a lot of people who are, who struggle with imposter syndrome is they have a whole series of wins, but they look back at them and think, oh, well, I was lucky. Or I snuck by, you know, somehow I got that. They, they didn't realize that I wasn't worthy enough for it.

[00:19:47] Koni: right.

[00:19:48] Trina: So it's looking at your past accomplishments and really feeling them as an accomplishment.

[00:19:56] Koni: And being totally self focused in a healthy [00:20:00] way, because you know, it's not what other people look at me as, or how they think of me or people would say, oh, well, you modeled it. Oh, you were in the C-suite and oh, you did all of

[00:20:11] Trina: Oh, it was easy for you.

[00:20:13] Koni: Right. Let me tell you it's the hardest job. Believe it or not ever was the modeling because you aren't put down for your skills or your talent.

You're put down, you're denied for something. You can't do anything about you can't change it. Nope. We wanted someone five, nine and a half. Nope. We need size seven shoe. No no freckles. No, we want freckles. Now only one dimple. I mean, It was like, oh, you're 108 pounds. Nope. We need someone 105 O M G.

Right. And you think, wow, you have this great life. No, that was the hardest, hardest thing. And you go on 10, 15 you know, go seas. It's like going on 10 job applications, you know, interviews a day and they say, no, no, no, no, [00:21:00] no, no, no. And then you wake up the

[00:21:01] Trina: How many times can you hear? No, and feel good about yourself and the answer is one or a million and have it not care. And you just show up and be yourself and show up authentically unapologetically.

[00:21:20] Koni: exactly. In order to make it in all of those places. Right. I'm at all these different levels. Is I had to stop treating it as me and start treating it as a business. Then I made it 10 years and modeling is because I treated myself as a business. I was a product, right? Yes. I was like a slab of meat on a hook going through.

But that was the business. And I learned to market that brand rather than make it about me. Again, I had great mentors guiding me from, you know, 14 years old. Thank [00:22:00] goodness, you know, and I didn't go down the wrong path with the drugs and the drinking and all of that. But when I understood it was a business, that's why it became something that made millions.

[00:22:11] Trina: Yeah, and it is true. I think it's true for many entrepreneurs. I think it's more so true for coaches because of the industry of coaching. We are quote unquote, selling ourselves. We're selling our philosophy, we're selling our coaching. But also because we believe so strongly in what we do. We are very immeshed in it.

We're very attached to it. And so it's very easy to conflate our business and what we do with who we are and our value as a person.

[00:22:55] Koni: Absolutely absolutely. In in

[00:22:58] Trina: a blessing that you [00:23:00] learned, learned that early on.

[00:23:02] Koni: you know, it's so funny. I wrote a book about the whole process. And that was part of the, the 12 years of studying predictable human behavior and human consciousness. And the second step in the whole process is the, oh, and the letter sore. That's the name of the bookstore. And in that, oh, is one of the most devastating things that happens to people and that, oh, as far as the behavior that brings us down and there's an antidote of course, but the, oh is what we call outsourcing.

And if I looked back, that's the thing that I kept doing. I kept just like a company would outsource their labor to overseas and maybe China or Taiwan or something like. We outsource our behaviors, our feelings we outsource for validation and approval, others comparison, or was it Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of [00:24:00] all joy.

So by doing that, it, it destroys us. Right. And it happens all the time. Usually when we talked about first thing in the morning, right. What is that first thought? Well, how many people, the first thought is reach over, grab your phone, scroll, social media, and that determines your day. And you can't compare to everyone's a side because it's not even real anyway.

And so outsourcing. It's a huge issue. It's the problem with where we are in a society where we have all been compelled to stay home, go online, and then not be social where you can actually pick up what people are really like and that intimacy and the energy of them. But all we get is a one dimensional scene of that.

And then we share that and there's no way you can compare a three or four dimensional human being to a one [00:25:00] dimensional facade on a computer screen.

[00:25:04] Trina: Well, social media is so much of people showing their bright and shiny, and it's kind of like, The lockdown has shown us is that, we're all on zoom now. So we're all pretty from, the chest up and business on the top party on the bottom.

And the same thing is true. I think for much in the way of associate social media still. And so we're comparing our messy back-end with everybody's shiny front end.

[00:25:34] Koni: Yeah, absolutely. And it led to this whole cookie cutter environment. Right. And people are like, oh, well this is what's new. This is what's current. I'm going to do this. And especially in the space of now everyone's told, oh, just be a coach. Everyone can just be a coach. You knew something. You knew how to tie your shoes.

You should be the expert coach at shoe tying. Wow. [00:26:00] And you'll make a million dollars at it in your

[00:26:02] Trina: Oh my God. Yes. Yes. I think it's, it's been a disservice

[00:26:07] Koni: Yes.

[00:26:08] Trina: out there because it comes across as building a coaching business is easy and you were perfectly qualified to be a coach. Now I have certifications. I have training to be a coach, but I've also had very good coaches who haven't been classically trained as a coach.

The difference is they've had experience and, and not just doing the thing that I want to do because coaching isn't teaching coaching is taking people into learning more about themselves and really creating a process that they can follow on their own. Because as a coach where we're working to working ourselves out of a job, that's the goal of it kind of like consulting.

You know, you're not always going to be there. You want to set people up for success.[00:27:00] But there is quite a big industry out there to turn everyone who is sick of their job into a coach.

[00:27:10] Koni: Yes. The, the whole knowledge wave and expert a wave.

[00:27:14] Trina: And it's not coaching it's teaching, you're teaching people how to do things. Hmm.

[00:27:18] Koni: yeah, exactly. And, and I think it's, you know, everybody has that space. I love that. Right. This is one of the things that, that makes people excellent is you've got find your snowflake. What does that one thing right. Makes you so different from everybody. And that you can be unique and you can focus on that.

Why is that important? Because you're singularly focused on the one thing. And when you're focusing on one thing, just like when we were kids, we take the piece of glass over the grass, right. And the light shine, the sun into it, that kind of focused energy would make it burn. It would [00:28:00] light it up. Right.

And so there's. A good aspect of that. Right. And then focus on what you know, but there's a broader aspect on that is the whole one hit wonder thing. So, you know, one thing, and you just became the expert, so to speak because of a fad of the marketplace. But what happens afterwards, what you can predict.

And I always see, like, I always like to know what's the history behind somebody and, and there should be a buyers formula for people out there to know how do you find the right coach, but how do you become that person that is the right person for everybody. And you want to make sure that number one, are they an expert at what they do or have they just come from being a digital marketing agency and then they decide.

Oh, I'm a blogger. And now today I'm a Bitcoin expert or whatever. Okay. And just following the trends or do they have a history of excellence in what they do, but also [00:29:00] excellence in everything? Have they been an expert at multiple fields? Do they have what's called in, in the forest of requisite variety.

Right. So if you look at the greatest animal in the jungle, it's the one that has the most variety of skills and can do the most things, you know, hence the lion. So is it that kind of a person that they can do everything and you know, also the aspects of you know, in, in business, they say you want to find some, you have an option of getting something done for you done with you or done by you.

[00:29:30] Trina: Yes.

[00:29:31] Koni: And it's the same thing with being an expert coach. What aspects of you? Can you be that mentor in like, I've been there, I've done that before, right. And you can guide them. So when I was in the racing field, right, the driver would always have his helmet wired and the crew chief would be there, but we would also plot spotters around the track.

Right. So we could say, Hey, on turn three, there is an accident. Or, you know, [00:30:00] turn five is wet. Oh, the chicane you know, watch out and, you know, there's, there's too much tired tread on the track. So go inward. Right. And you have somebody who can spot ahead of where you're trying to go and have that mentor capability.

And then the consultant is the one that says, do this press on the gas, harder, let up on the brake here, don't do this right. And tells you exactly what to do. And then the coach is the one that says, great job, speed it up, man. You're doing awesome. Right. So how can you take all of those, the coach, the mentor, and the consultant and bring it into what you do, because that's what people are really looking for.

They're not just looking for, they want the whole skeleton, they just don't want the shinbone and the shoulder blade and the, you know, and the thoracic, you know?

[00:30:50] Trina: for a real solution.

[00:30:51] Koni: Exactly. And, and so having that whole thing, we call it ease and plastic. That's my favorite word. I have you, are you familiar with [00:31:00] that word?

It's an old, old English word is in plastic means one who has the ability to unite disparate parts into one unified whole. And that is what we'd like to look at as a business, right? Can we offer all these different parts of a business in one. Can you offer in yourself all of the different things that somebody would need for that problem that they're trying to solve in one place?

Or do they have to get this from you and this from somebody else in this, from somebody else and then need four or five different coaches. Right. So how can you be ease and plastic in your business?

[00:31:40] Trina: And that might even be, and you can correct me if you're taking in a different direction. But if you are the mindset expert, and then you have someone who is the copywriting expert, and then you have someone who you have a team supports, but all in one place.[00:32:00]

[00:32:00] Koni: And have it unified, right? Because if you, sometimes you can't right. And you can't get them, but do they at least have the same philosophy and are they of the same you know, direction that they're trying to go? Some people say, oh no, you have to do ads right away, for example. And then some people will say, Nope, don't do ads until you're making 10 to $15,000 a month.

Well, which one is it? Okay. So it still has to be in that unified field. We call it a biosphere, right? A sphere of life, all of these things have to be in and to make your business come alive. And so what's in your biosphere that will make you different. So you can stand out from everybody else, not be cookie cutter.

And once you can distinguish yourself as that, then you can disrupt the more. And then you can dominate it and that's it. That's the three steps, right? So that's how you can take what you do, but the way you do all that and not worry [00:33:00] about imposter syndrome is so easy. You just be better than you say you are.

Imposter syndrome is saying your better than you are okay. And to kill imposter syndrome is just be better than you say, which means inherently. You're going to be a lot more humble than all the hubris out there.

[00:33:24] Trina: Yeah. And oftentimes you are better than you say,

[00:33:28] Koni: Exactly.

[00:33:29] Trina: if you have a history of success, you are probably better than you think you are likely and as entrepreneurs. And I think you really illustrated that in your story of how you you've evolved as an entrepreneur, is that when you get into something that you've not done before, you're learning about it, you're starting a business on it.

You know, you don't know everything about it. You are an imposter, you are embodying your inner [00:34:00] imposter. And so I also think with being an entrepreneur, when you're creating something that hasn't been created before, or at least not be created by you. You have to be forward thinking when you also talk about disrupting the market, you have to do something that hasn't been done before, but you have the vision of it.

And so if you feel like you're a little bit of an imposter, good, because you're doing it right. You're doing it right.

[00:34:31] Koni: Yeah, absolutely. And, and entrepreneurship is just hard. It is anyone who tells differently is probably the imposter and it's all in the context. Okay. So if we are an entrepreneur we are always going to be entering into new territory. And you can't know the territory until you're in there. Right? Someone once told me in my professional career, as I was leaving, I was like, gosh, [00:35:00] how do you ever, do you ever feel like good enough for that job?

She goes, no, you don't know that job until you leave it. And it was so true every time I left or was fired 18 times get it. I was like, oh, I know what that should have been. I know how that looked. And every other time I was better and every single change, you know, 18 firings and, you know, five multimillion dollar companies, every single one, I was better and better and better because I took with me and I learned from each one of those.

But if you just do it and you don't learn or you're hiding it, or you're playing small, or you're not willing to fall down. And get up and get up and get up. Then you won't make it. You'll be operating from what we call reversion and living in the past. Well, that didn't work before, or it's always been that way or

[00:35:58] Trina: we'll always be that way going [00:36:00] forward.

[00:36:00] Koni: yes.

Yes.

[00:36:02] Trina: Some of the characteristics that I see again and again in highly successful entrepreneurs, such as yourself, is you define failure differently. You respond to failure differently. You expect failures to happen. And it seems as if you ha you have a very different physiological experience of failure, how true do you find that to be for yourself and in your experience?

[00:36:36] Koni: You nailed it. You absolutely. Now that, to me, I've never failed. Right. The only time I would fail is if I'm giving up and like throw it out, but it's feedback. And I used to date a pilot and so he failed his, his check ride. You know, where you have to go and, and you know, prove that you can actually fly your 7 37.

[00:37:00] He failed it. And so he had to stay behind. And so every night, just to get good, he'd go in at, like from 11, till about three in the morning and go into United. Go on, on the simulator. And so I'm like, let me come with you. And he's like, okay, I'll sneak you in. Right. Totally illegal. And so I'm in there and I'm, and what I had to do while he was trying to fly, I'd have to throw up all these obstacles.

Okay. Here's wind. Here's when shear here's fog, here's rain. Hey, your, your engine went out a bird winning. I mean, I'd have to flip all these switches and make all these things happen to try and get them to fail. And he just had to respond and, and make sure he could get through them all. So, he passed, but then I said, okay, he goes, you do it now, you fly.

I'm like, really? And so I'm in this cockpit of a 7 37 simulator and I'm like, oh, I'm so nervous. He goes, no, actually the takeoff is more [00:38:00] dangerous than the landing and that's true in entrepreneurship, isn't it, as we're trying to take off, that's where all the things happen. Right. And so I'm doing, I think I'm going along and then he starts hitting all these buttons and all these things pop out at me and like, oh wait, whoa, what did he say I have to do on this and or this?

And then there was this programming, right? As all these things, my, my jet is about to crash. And then the overhead announcement comes up, pull up, pull up, pull up, right, pull up, pull up, pull up. And. It's so true in running a business. Right? All these things are coming at you planned and unplanned. And if I crash right it's because I didn't follow the command to pull up.

How do I look from a higher perspective? And don't go down with it, pull up. Okay. Let me get a different vantage point. What else can I do? What else can I do? Right. [00:39:00] As long as I'm still in the air. I'm

[00:39:02] Trina: And listening to the messages that your body is telling you to pull the heck up

[00:39:07] Koni: Yes.

[00:39:08] Trina: down, maybe stop for a second, figure out what's going on.

[00:39:12] Koni: What's your bearings, right?

[00:39:14] Trina: Slow down to speed up.

[00:39:15] Koni: Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I just think there's so much in life that we can learn from as entrepreneurs and coaches. And when we think it's failure, it's not, it's just feedback. Right. And every time he'd flip a switch, it was just feedback. It didn't mean, oh, you're done.

No, I wasn't done. I just got feedback. A warning sign came on. Oh, okay. Now it's time to course correct. And so it's never really failure. It's how do you look at it? How do you respond to it? Are you a student? Is this like a scavenger hunt? Okay. Well, where can I find the answer? I mean, that's how you have to look at it.

And if you don't have that kind of mindset, if you have more of a doom and gloom kind of mindset, it's [00:40:00] changeable, right.

[00:40:00] Trina: It's changeable.

[00:40:01] Koni: completely changeable and

[00:40:03] Trina: just have to decide, you just have to decide.

[00:40:07] Koni: Exactly.

[00:40:08] Trina: Koni, thank you so much for such a long, beautiful conversation. What do you have exciting coming up in the next 12, 24 months?

[00:40:19] Koni: Oh, I, I am so excited all the time. So a couple of things. And so because I believe so much in people being their unique self every oh, about every two months I teach a free workshop called the celebrity factor where you actually take yourself and up your celebrity factor, not the influencer side of things.

That is not at all what we're talking about, but we're talking about being iconic thinking of those, you know, the Audrey Hepburn's and the, the classic black and white. Looks, you know, even the Jackie Kennedy-esk type of [00:41:00] things that you see and they have such longevity and, and there are classics and you

[00:41:08] Trina: The difference between style and fads

[00:41:11] Koni: yes, yes.

And the Coco Chanel. Right. So that aspect of it, where, you know, you can say something and everybody almost gets that same picture. And to boost that because that's how your business stays, right? Otherwise you are a fad and you're just hopping from platform to platform. And so it's important to be independent of the market and the platforms, but to be your own icon.

So, I do that five, six times a year, and then I do have a new book coming out. I've written two so far soar and the power of her wish. And then the new book is called beyond mindset. And it's really. About a lot of these principles that we talked about, how do you go beyond not the fixed and the growth mindset and your positive or your negative.

It's about really elevating your whole [00:42:00] consciousness and into whole different field where the miraculous happens all the time. And when you have that level and you elevate your mind, your business will skyrocket as well.

[00:42:14] Trina: Brilliant. And listeners, those links will be in the show notes,

[00:42:18] Koni: yes.

[00:42:21] Trina: Koni, It has been an absolute pleasure and honor talking with you today.

[00:42:26] Koni: Thank you so much for the invitation and I wish you, well,

[00:42:30] Trina: thank you. Thank you. Thank you again, Koni.

[00:42:35] Koni: My pleasure.

[00:42:35] Outro

Hey folks. Over the next few weeks, I have a combination of some more great interviews. And solo episodes. Next week is a special solo episode with me. On emotional intelligence specifically on how to increase your EEQ starting with a super simple 30-Second practice.

Highly successful [00:43:00] entrepreneurial leaders tend to also have a higher than average EEQ. So it's easy as busy visionary entrepreneurial leaders with many demands on your attention to get caught up in the busy-ness of business and to take your emotional intelligence for granted.

The problem happens when you are dealing with subtle stressors, like chronic tolerations and small frustrations. Or getting irritated at minor mistakes, whether made by you or someone on your team, a client or a vendor. Or Either dreading conversations or experiencing miscommunications or getting frustrated with team members for not delivering to your expectation. Or even noticing yourself getting irritated at things you aren't usually irritated by. Then getting irritated at yourself for getting irritated in the first place. Or even noticing tiny mistakes or issues that slow your [00:44:00] businesses. Momentum. And give you that sinking exhaustion that has you girding your loins, ready to wade into fixing the things that should have been done right the first time. It's easy and common to have the thought of, well, that's the price of doing business. It doesn't have to feel that way though. Yes, mistakes and errors will happen.

And business will feel like work. And does require us to put in the effort. And we can't control anything outside of our own selves. But you don't have to feel like you're tolerating less than ideal and suffering through the process. There is a way to shift your own mental, emotional, and physical experience that can improve your results in your business, get you better results from your team and give you a more fulfilling life as an entrepreneurial leader. Next week I'll be sharing a simple 30-Second method. To increase your EEQ to [00:45:00] shift your mind, body and emotions so that you can start catching your mental, emotional, physical stress reaction either before it starts or before you get too deep into it.

Stay tuned folks. You don't want to miss this.

[00:46:00]

[00:47:00]

🔥   Companies love to promote new executive leaders up from their ranks - it reduces costs, time to productivity, and increases employee retention and team morale.

🔥   However, research shows that 40% of new executives fail within 18 months, whether it's the cultural fit, inability to build teamwork, or unsure of their role as a new leader.

🔥   So That's why I'm talking with Leslie Rochelle about her leadership journey, as well as widely held misconceptions, and small shifts that can transform your leadership capacity. Both your sense of fulfillment and impact will skyrocket when you make these shifts.

🔥   Leslie Rochelle, soul-led leadership coach, who supports new and emerging leaders to bridge the inner & outer connection with self cultivating the skills & confidence that support their foundational leadership platform so they can powerfully claim their leader within.

She is a wife, momma, coach, mentor, international best-selling author and the founder of Leslie Rochelle Coaching & Consulting.

Listen in to find out about:

• How she got started in her first big leadership role
• Misconceptions regarding leadership
• Why it's hard for leaders to ask for help
• The signs that you need to do more self-discovery to become an even better leader
• Keys to leading a more satisfied and engaged team
• The foundations of creating great teams
• Getting curious about what is/isn't working, instead of "pointing the finger" at what isn't.
• Your job, as a leader, is to lead - not to know everything
• Inclusively sourcing solutions and creating a common sense of purpose
• Identifying your needs, wants & desires allow you to be aware of them, and open up to the possibilities of what can be
• Leaders promote the diversity of thought that invite other perspectives
• Having courageous conversations
• The thing you need to pay attention to prevent subtle, but damaging, sabotage of your team
• How to allow everyone their "say" before you share your's to promote buy-in
• and so much more!

Find out more about Leslie:

• LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/leslie-rochelle
• Instagram: @theleslierochelle
• Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/leslie.tremblay.14

Free gift for listeners:

www.Leslierochelle.com

• 10% discount on any SERVICE. Please use the contact form on the website to request your special discount code referencing this podcast.

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

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TRANSCRIPT: 

82 - LESLIE ROCHELL: Revealing Your Leader Within

[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Trina: welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. In my last episode. [00:01:00] I spoke with Sarah Stokes an award-winning strategist who scaled successful businesses to multiple millions. She's just founded the aligned business collective. A new place for B2B business owners to find their ideal clients and grow. I spoke with Sarah Stokes of the juicy Goodlife. About her journey from her career as a TV news, anchor to her current level of entrepreneurial success. So if you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

But don't go yet. Folks. My next guest is Leslie Rochelle.

Leslie is a soul led leadership coach who supports new and emerging leaders to bridge the inner and outer connection with self. Cultivating the skills and confidence that support their foundational leadership platform. So they can powerfully claim their leader within. She's a wife, mama coach mentor.

International bestselling author. And the founder of Leslie Rochelle coaching and [00:02:00] consulting.

One of the reasons that I'm bringing Leslie on to talk about this is that companies love to promote new executive leaders up from their ranks. It reduces cost time to productivity and increases employee retention and team morale.

However research has shown that 40% of new executives fail within 18 months, whether it's the cultural fit, inability to build teamwork or they're unsure of their role as a new leader. So that's why I'm talking with Leslie Rochelle about her leadership journey, as well as widely held misconceptions and small shifts that can transform your leadership capacity.

Both of your sense of fulfillment and impact will skyrocket when you make these shifts. Join me in welcoming. Leslie rochelle

[00:02:51] Interview start

[00:02:51] Trina: Hi, Leslie. Thank so much for joining me today. It's an absolute pleasure to have you on my show,

[00:02:57] Leslie: Trina. I am so excited to be [00:03:00] here. I always loved the conversations that we get to have.

[00:03:04] Trina: Well, we had wonderful conversations back in the summer of 2021 when we did the coaching business summit. And I absolutely loved what you shared there and I can't wait to continue our conversation.

[00:03:20] Leslie: This is going to be so much

fun.

[00:03:22] Trina: It is.

Yeah.

So Leslie, for those of my audience who don't know you very well yet, can you share just really quickly where you started from and how you got to where you are now?

[00:03:36] Leslie: Perfect. Thank you very much, Trina. I really, again, I really appreciate the great conversation that we're going to have today. I know, I know that it's going to be great.

[00:03:45] Where Leslie Started

[00:03:45] Leslie: Really where I started from is being, given an opportunity that I. I said yes to not really knowing what I was getting myself into and, Allowing myself to [00:04:00] really get consumed by the position that I was in.

And that really led to my own coaching experience with in my own mentoring experience. And that is having someone support me through, through those roles. And, you know, be being in that first time leadership like a greater leadership role versus some of these. Smaller ones that I've had really, really pushed me into a lot of discomforts.

And it's one thing that I really needed to really get a hold of. Cause it almost broke me to where I was, had a really, really difficult time. But what that led to was really the passion for me. And my coaching is to reach back to that earlier version of myself, just to be able to give somebody a hand.

So that's why I helped support new and emerging leaders with, solidifying their leadership foundation. So it's really. Mix of that life coaching, that leadership coaching all rolled into one that I can, [00:05:00] that I can really help that, that new and emerging leader that up and coming set up coming leader.

[00:05:05] Trina: I love that. It's so important. We all want to be leaders, you know, we all envision what it's like to be a leader and we all are leaders in some way or another in our lives.

But when it comes to stepping into big leadership, whether that's leadership of your own company as an entrepreneur or leadership in another business, you know how to do your job, and that's why you got elevated, but do you know how to lead. That's you know, and you may know how to lead, but if you have doubts about it, If you have your own stresses and anxieties, you're paying more attention to that than you are to the people that you are there to support and lead.

[00:05:56] Leslie: That's

[00:05:56] Trina: true is that?

[00:05:57] Leslie: Yeah. That is incredibly true. Some [00:06:00] misconceptions with regards to leadership as well. Some people want that leadership role because they just assume, oh, I have a little bit more power. This is a really the next step along the path for me. And they don't really consider that you're no longer in that. Subject matter expertise, role, you are now leading people, which is completely different. So I think that's sometimes where people really get stuck is that, understanding what leading people really does look like. You have to let your, your old role goal, so you can assume the new position that you're in and it's, it can be difficult to do that.

[00:06:39] Trina: It can be, I think it's stepping into your new zone of genius so that. The people on your team can work in their zone of genius. And when you're new in the role, you're still developing your zone of genius when it comes to leadership. How hard is it for new leaders to [00:07:00] ask for support? I think I know the answer to this one, but

[00:07:06] Leslie: Yeah, it can be incredibly difficult because one, one somebody giving you that given you that responsibility, and you've said, I'm so excited to be here and you may think you need to know about. all. And so you're afraid to ask for help, right? You're afraid to say I am struggling and I am stuck. How do I get unstuck? And that takes some vulnerability to put your hand up and say, please, please help me out. You know, it took me two years of as I mentioned before, getting to the point where I was utterly depleted, exhausted You don't lay on a couch or laying on the couch when they, where I said, okay, you know, something has to change here.

And I had to identify what that was. And that was me, right? There's no external change. That's that's going to happen here. It all has to do with do with me as the individual. And that's when I finally asked for help. So [00:08:00] I'd like to. You know, I would like to be able to support someone to not have to get to that point, right.

To that utterly utter depletion that it just takes you days to recover before you just have to go and do it over again. Yeah. That's that's and that's really where that passion lives. It's like, you know, how can I help me earlier? Right.

[00:08:19] Trina: Absolutely. Absolutely. Self discovery is probably one of the most important things that a leader can do, not just for themselves, not just to be a better leader.

You know, it, it just elevates their team as well.

[00:08:36] Leslie: It,

Yeah, it absolutely does. The

best thing we can

do.

[00:08:40] Trina: Yeah.

tell me

a little bit about the kinds of things that the signposts that led to your self discovery. What kinds of things might people notice in their lives that would be The signposts that they need to do more self discovery, but they need to learn more that they need to do this kind of inner work.[00:09:00]

[00:09:00] Leslie: Right. When you were looking around and thinking, how do I mimic somebody else? I like the way they do that thing.. How do I do it for myself? And then we try and we go, oh, that doesn't work for me. Like completely inauthentic. Right. You're spending so much energy outward that it is exhausting and it is overwhelming to you.

You have no idea what type of a leader that you want to be really. You know, some of the best leaders are the ones that speak last,

Great. Some of the, some of the best leaders will allow other people to express their opinions before they give their opinions. So, from that self discovery pieces that we really need to know who we are as a human being before we can Excel in anything.

And that includes leadership.

[00:09:50] Trina: Yeah. Yeah. I think in regards to being the last to speak is knowing that [00:10:00] no one else, no matter what anybody else says, that you aren't threatened to find that, that space of inner self security.

[00:10:12] Leslie: Yeah, a hundred percent because what'll end up happening is when you are secure in your role and you understand what your position is within, within that. And that is leading people. And. Team members want to be seen, heard cared for, have a sense of belonging. and , have a shared sense of purpose.

And when you can sit back and direct from, from the back, it's amazing what you can actually learn when you're back there. Not always having to be in the front, you will. have, people expressing their opinions and their ideas more freely than maybe they would have before because they're seeing other people doing it. And they're seeing you allowing them to do that.

[00:10:54] Trina: I love that because that's so true because you're giving them a chance to feel validated[00:11:00]

by, in their own, just being as they are and knowing that you trust them.

[00:11:07] Leslie: A hundred percent. And it's what the foundation of anything really is that trust peice is the base layer. You know, that, that foundation of creating some of those great teams as well. Yeah, but it really comes down to that leadership piece of. just saying, Hey, I will truly value your opinion. What is the feedback that you have for me and being open and receptive to what that is.

[00:11:33] Trina: Yes. You know, there's an intention behind that that changes the energy of that . I'm not using energy as Woo, I'm using energy and the ability to get work done and work as the ability to create change.

And so I love what you just said about being able to ask them what they want, , and what they need, but also asking it from a place of [00:12:00] calm and with the intention to listen, instead of feel the intention. To fix or the intention to defend yourself just in case they might say something that you're not comfortable with because that changes the entire dynamic.

You can ask the questions like Leslie, what do you think needs to change? Just asking out of pure curiosity.

[00:12:28] Leslie: That's one of the biggest things that you can do again, I'm going to use your word is really getting curious about something that's maybe not working or getting curious about something that is working. Why is it working so well, how can we implement this in other in, in the other areas that we have when we get into Being there for our team and being a little bit vulnerable for our team. It's just really important to be able to show that humility. That, that is, that is so incredibly necessary that you don't have to know all the answers cause I guarantee you won't and that's why you [00:13:00] have all these other amazing people around you because you've built them, that team up in that fashion.

And then, you know, they end up doing anything for you, right. Because it's not just about you know, did you get that project done? It's how are you today? Like really? How are you today? How's your family? What'd you do this weekend, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:13:16] Trina: It's not small talk.

[00:13:18] Leslie: It's not small talk.

[00:13:19] Trina: No, it's not small talk. And I need to call back to what you were saying about vulnerability and not needing to know all of the answers and. This is something that I see and you'll have to let me know if you see the same in new leaders and even established leaders they it seems as if they feel that they need to know the answers and they need to be the, the, the person who solves the problems. And so when they don't know, it's a very painful situation.

It's a very painful feeling. So how true do you find that to be? Because I've seen that to be the case.

[00:13:59] Leslie: Yeah. I think [00:14:00] that's incredibly accurate,

Yeah.

you know, how you actually, how you, how you describe that. You know, when I first got the, the, the big leadership role, I said, no, at first, because I said, oh, I don't, I can't sit in their seats. 'cause, I don't know what they know. And they say, well, that's not, that's really not what the role is all about.

And so I said, oh, okay. So your, your job is to lead the people, not to know everything. That's why you have a team of people that you can go to, to say, I don't know this. Can you educate me on this one? And you put it across that way and they will help you. They will, 100% help you out.

[00:14:39] Trina: Of course they will. You know, because they're the subject matter experts. You know, they're the people that need to be empowered.

[00:14:48] Leslie: That's right. And they know that you know that,

[00:14:50] Trina: Yeah.

[00:14:51] Leslie: right?

[00:14:52] Trina: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You know, and how refreshing is it when, [00:15:00] when a leader comes in and says, I don't know what the answer is, but let's work together to figure it out

[00:15:08] Leslie: that really plays to the inclusion piece of leadership is bringing everybody in. It goes to that common sense of purpose. We have this, this thing, this concern, this problem that we need to solve, let's all get all of our heads together and identify. Some solutions to that problem because, you know, one of us may not have the answer, but I bet you, when we all get together and we can discuss it, there'll be a lot of ideas that will come out that, that will ultimately get us to fixing the issues that we're experiencing.

Yeah.

[00:15:42] Trina: Yeah. And, and that, it feels so good to talk about it in that way. And I think there's so many leaders out there who come from settings and other immeshed styles of leadership where it's really top down my [00:16:00] way or the highway.

This is what you're going to do style of leadership that it really is a shift.

[00:16:08] Leslie: It is a hundred percent of shift. And I think we're seeing less and less. I mean, there's a time and place for that type leadership. Are you in an emergency situation? Are you in a war? Right. But But what is then you just, just follow the orders, right? what you're being asked to do, but in the most of the cases, it's not. And if you get into. that Dictatorship type of leadership, which is just, I want you to do this or do you need to do this by this time micromanaging,

Micro-managing that is all you're going to get when you allow them to come into their own, when you can, you know, deeply care about the people in, within your charge, you're going to get a whole bunch more out of them because they will give you that extra 10%.

Right. They're not, you know, they, they might be there too. You know, there, there are some that just want to go there and [00:17:00] collect the paycheck, but then there's others that really want to go there to make a difference. So if you can tap into those ones that really want to be able to make that difference and, and really pour into them, you weren't going to get so much in return.

You're going to get more than just the job done.

[00:17:14] Trina: Yeah. The invested, engaged employees or team members . You mentioned the ones who aren't engaged, the ones who are really just showing up to do the job, to get the job done.

And there is a way to help them become more engaged while you can't control what they do. You can change how you interact with them that will make it easier for them to re-engage.

If that is something that they desire to do and what I love about what you do, what I do, what anybody who works with leaders does is working with them to do that inner work to do that self discovery, because it's not until you figure out, [00:18:00] like, where do you feel? Where, where are you when it comes to secure Confidence. How are you dealing with your own sense of perfectionism? How willing are you to ask for help and to receive it? You know, as a leader, you you're looking for people who are coating You know, this is a coaching conversation about leaders, but when talking about leaders, leaders need teams who are coachable.

And so how coachable are you as a leader? How willing are you to do the work for yourself? right. You don't go into coaching to expect other people to change. You have to choose the one to start it.

[00:18:42] Leslie: That's right. And if you can switch that around saying, I'm here to serve you, how can I inspire you to be the best version of yourself? Right. 'cause that's really you know, what that, what that leadership is. You're leading, [00:19:00] you're leading people. You're not managing people. You're not supervising people.

You're leading people. Right. So there is that difference there. And until you identify where you're currently at, you have no idea how to get to where you want to be. So, you know, getting into identifying your needs, your wants, and your desires, because they are going to, they're all going to be different from one another.

And when you can put that down and identify, okay, where am I currently at right now? And not thinking about those things, but really feeling into it. Right? Cause our, our brain will only allow us to go so far. Some things cause, cause ego steps in on us and, and stops us. Just cause it's trying to keep us safe and not allow us to grow.

But when we can feel into something say you're going to get a lot better results when you, when you just allow yourself to open up to the possibilities of what can be.

[00:19:56] Trina: I really believe that when you are willing [00:20:00] to look and examine your values. What's important to you and accept where you are. You're more open to listening to others values and where they are. And the values don't need to be the same. And often they're not conflict comes up when values clash, and you need to know what your values are and then inquire and explore what the values of your team are to find out what's with them.

And how can you find that? Win-win

[00:20:37] Leslie: And that's where perspective comes in

[00:20:38] Trina: yeah,

[00:20:39] Leslie: Right. Like, I don't have to agree with what somebody else is saying, but I am still going to listen to what their perspective on that situation is. And this is another piece of you know, my belief system, which is that diversity and inclusion, but that's diversity of thought, right?

That's diversity perspective. You, you mustn't be. Offended, because I think [00:21:00] that way that's great, but you don't have to, I'm not trying to make you think that way. But all I'm asking for you to do is consider my perspective on something. Right. And I will do the same thing for you. You had mentioned earlier about how do we get, maybe some of those people who need a little bit of that corrective action, one of the best leadership moments I've ever had is supporting somebody that they were incredibly difficult to work with.

Right.

But it's having those courageous conversations and that really some of that straight talk to say, Hey, this is what I'm seeing, and this is what needs to change. Right.

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:41] Trina: With that, then you're sharing with them and they, then they know the direction that they need.

to go because they know where they are. You were talking earlier about, you need to know where you are to, to know where you need to go. I'm using a map. And I think that's super, super [00:22:00] important.

What are your thoughts because I've seen this happen. And there's been a lot of other leaders who have mentioned it and leaders who coach other leaders as well. And we talked briefly about it at the beginning, talking about trying to solve things and you could be coming from such a compassionate and calm place. But if you don't pay attention to what the values are, the desires are the person that you're working with and you give them, this is the solution. I'll make it easier for you. I'll take more off your plate that while you're doing your best and your intentions are beautiful, could actually be a very subtle sabotage of them.

[00:22:50] Leslie: A hundred percent because you've just taken away their operation. Yeah You've taken away their opportunity to learn something new. One of the things that I would do and, you know, my team [00:23:00] at first would get frustrated with me because I would ask, okay, you know, I know you want an answer for me and I have one, but what would you do?

It's to allow them to solution that themselves. And we would do use if it wasn't an individual that needed that coaching piece it would really be from that team perspective,

what would you think we should. Right. Give them that space to open up to come up with maybe a better solution than I that I'm considering right now.

I have one for sure too, do you think we can do? Cause then, then it helps their problem solving skills as well.

[00:23:33] Trina: It does. And their idea may likely to be better

very,

more efficiently.

[00:23:41] Leslie: It definitely could be. And that's, and that's one reason not to go in there and say, okay, we have problem. And this is what the solution is because if they have this fear of speaking up to you, they're going to hold their, their, their opinions to themselves, which you've just really cut off a conversation really.

So let everybody else have their say. [00:24:00] And encourage the quiet ones to come out as well. Not just listen to the ones that like to speak a lot, cause there's always going to be those within a team, but really try and, and pull the pieces out of those quieter ones. But sometimes you're just sitting and they're reflecting. They're figuring out what they want to say. And then once everybody gets opinions together, then you can give what your opinion is, and you may have changed your mind three times throughout that conversation because you've allowed, cause you've allowed them to have their say you've allowed them participate that problem solving, which creates an incredible amount of buy-in as well for your team.

[00:24:34] Trina: And I would think as a new leader, that this takes some practice it takes some time for your team to trust you because they may have come from a setting where, Hey, give me your input was more like, what would you. do? And they give their input and then there's no you're wrong. Or if it didn't work, you suck. And instead, you know, having a [00:25:00] more welcoming attitudes. Okay. What would you do? And have them give their suggestion? It's like, okay, let's try it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't out. If it does great, we have a new way of doing. it.

[00:25:13] Leslie: That's right. I ended up coming into a team that I had to break all the silos out of that team, there was competition going in within the team, but I had to come in and OK, you can't see any of this anymore. You're not seeing the KPIs that are giving you individual results. What we're going to be doing is now we're going to be measuring from a team perspective.

And that took some time cause they were like, who is, why is she doing this right? Is takes these things away from them

[00:25:37] Trina: their values were threatened initially, because this is how I recognize my own value is by these KPIs.

[00:25:47] Leslie: Yes. Yes, I did this much work. So yay for me. Cause you know, maybe there's going to be a financial incentive associated to it. But really that was detrimental from a team aspect [00:26:00] and we are better as a team. Right. We can get so much more work done. When when we're a fluid well-oiled machine,

[00:26:08] Trina: Yeah. I think it's so important when you mentioned silos. I was subtly triggered because I remember back in the day when I was in corporate, I was doing consulting. I was working in software. And the silos were tall and strong. The power of the silos was strong and you could see how it would slow down productivity. The competition between teams was was not supportive of a healthy work environment and it wasn't supportive of good and product productivity. And so I love that you talk about breaking down the silos. That is huge.

And now when we talk about entrepreneurs who perhaps have smaller teams [00:27:00] than huge corporations I think the value of breaking down silos is even more important.

[00:27:08] Leslie: It is. Yeah. I think everybody needs to understand what the roles responsibilities are and how they contribute to that larger, that larger goal.

Yeah.

[00:27:17] Trina: Yeah. Yeah. So Leslie,

tell me a

bit about what you have coming up in the next 1224 months.

[00:27:37] Leslie: 1224 months. There's lots of things that I have on my I'm looking at it right now, right? It's my, it's my vision board of the things that I, that I'm looking to do in 2022 and beyond. There is an ebook that I'm writing.

There's a solo actual book book that.

I'm writing.

[00:27:56] Trina: Awesome.

[00:27:57] Leslie: yeah, I will be [00:28:00] something along the lines of your leader within cause that's the name of the Facebook group that I have as well.

I will be launching a program right now. We're just doing some beta testing and things like that on it, making sure I have all the bits and pieces that in the order that I'd like to happen and that are the most transformational for people as well, as well as three new packages coaching package, coaching and mentoring packages that I have as well.

So I'm looking forward to. Speaking events and lots on the go for 20, 22. It's going to be a really good year.

[00:28:29] Trina: Yeah. 20, 22 is going to rock.

Yes, Leslie, where can people find out more about.

you?

[00:28:36] Leslie: Best place to probably find out more about me is if you go to my website, which is Leslie rochelle.com, L E S L I E R O C H E L L e.com. There is a contact form in there if you're wanting to have some more information as well, I do have a as I mentioned Facebook, a free Facebook group, which is your leader within it's

by

Leslie Rochelle.

Feel free to. [00:29:00]

Look

me up and join. That would love to have you

yeah. And listeners,

[00:29:04] Trina: these, those links will be in the show notes. Okay.

[00:29:07] Leslie: perfect.

[00:29:08] Trina: Leslie, it has been an absolute pleasure to have you back.

[00:29:13] Leslie: Trina. I always enjoy our conversations. So I want to thank you for giving me this, another opportunity to come and speak with you and for your listeners today. Thank you.

[00:29:25] Trina: Our absolute pleasure.

[00:29:26] Interview End

Next week. I'll be talking again with Koni Savella.

[00:29:31] Trina: Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong can break entrepreneurs, but it doesn't have to be that way. Highly successful. Visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency than their less successful counterparts, but also life [00:30:00] outlook and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience.

That's why Connie and I are continuing our conversation. This time, we're talking about a 100 K loss dealing with betrayal and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently, committing to figuring it out. Tune in next week folks you don't want to miss it

[00:31:00] [00:32:00]

🔥 High Powered Visionary leaders with track records of success tend to continue creating success.

🔥 But often that "proven" strategy of success creation is a survival pattern that keeps you stuck in over-work and overwhelm.

🔥 When you are ready to level up, in a more satisfying and profitable way - it's time to go deeper into the common denominator in all your endeavors. That common denominator is you. 

🔥 That's why I'm talking with visionary Sarah Stokes of The Juicy Good Life about her journey from her career as a TV News Anchor to her current level of entrepreneurial success.

Episode Notes:

• How she became a TV News Anchor
• What led to her transitioning to Entrepreneurship
• How burnout followed her
• How life coaching and spiritual healers sparked a whole new way of doing business
• Centering and trusting ourselves as Visionary Leaders
• Owning your "Woo" - that's what is going to help you embody your visionary-leader-self
• And so much more!

Learn more about Sarah:

• As seen on:
• CBS, NBC, (all of them, actually!) Fox, CNN, ABC, Thrive Global, & multiple podcasts, etc.
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-stokes-51687135/
• Instagram: http://instagram.com/juicygoodlife
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheJuicyGoodLife

Check out her free gift to listeners:

Finish Strong Video Workshop and E-book

If you are looking for strategies Business Breakthrough Coach Sarah Stokes has used to scale her companies and keep her sanity, this is it! Truly, these are the foundational principles to help you finish the year strong, even if it’s January 3!

https://the-juicy-good-life.mykajabi.com/Free-ebook?fbclid=IwAR0-rUel10WJZm7CNlJ40M8XSysTJLJXjqYZQZsIxVhitJHAViHGF-qw2uQ

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

Would you like to be interviewed on the Field Guide To Awesome Podcast?

• Are you a Coach and an Entrepreneur?
• Have you had a major mindset shift that helped you overcome a major business challenge, and allowed you to increase your impact?
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Sarah Stokes: TV News Anchor to Entrepreneur - Finding her Juicy Good Life

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Trina: w

[00:00:56] Open Loop Intro

elcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. In my last episode. [00:01:00] I spoke with Koni Scavella. Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

[00:01:13] Trina: An entrepreneur for 17 years with degrees in theology and physics. She has worked with new startups, fortune five hundreds and Inc 500 companies in healthcare, real estate. Education sports, finance, oil and gas, retail ministry hospitality. Entertainment.

We spoke about how she became the difference maker reverse engineering, her success and niching profitably. It can be so easy to take success for granted. - That is until your process stops working. That's why I spoke with Koni Scavella about how she got her aha from experiencing failure after a string of successes. So if you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.[00:02:00]

But don't go yet, folks. My next guest is Sarah Stokes an award-winning strategist who scaled successful businesses to multiple millions. She's just founded the aligned business collective. A new place for B2B business owners to find their ideal clients and grow.

High powered visionary leaders with track records of success, tend to continue creating success.

But often that proven strategy of success creation becomes a survival pattern that keeps you stuck in overwork and overwhelm. When you are ready to level up in a more satisfying and profitable way, it's time to go deeper into the common denominator in all of your endeavors. And that common denominator is you

that's why I'm talking with visionary, Sarah Stokes of the juicy Goodlife. About her journey from her career as a TV news, anchor to her current level of [00:03:00] entrepreneurial success.

Join me in welcoming Sarah Stokes. Sarah. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am so excited about our conversation.

[00:03:11] Sarah: I am so glad to be here. This has been like anticipation galore. I've been bingeing every episode and they are so good. So thank you for this honor.

[00:03:21] Trina: And this one is going to be one of the best. Oh, so it is, so it is so motive to be, so Sarah, I elevated you to my audience before we started.

But give us a couple of minutes and tell us a little bit about where you started from the very beginning, because again, you've had this television career, which has been just amazing and you know, you didn't just like wake up one morning and say, I'm going to do that.

[00:03:57] Sarah: No I didn't. [00:04:00] Yeah, that was a far off possibility.

So way back, little girl, little town in Minnesota, you know, my mom owned the gift and floral shop down on main street. So we were literally like public facing customer service, like little ones from the time I could reach the cash register. It was, how may I help you today? What, what can I help you find?

Right. So my mom instilled that really, you know, sense of public relations before I knew what that was. And no TV was not on my radar. I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then I figured out, you have to like see hurt animals that didn't compute. Right. But my first taste into broadcasting came when my friend got a gig as a radio DJ and like, oh my goodness, we were, we were young.

We were 15. And they were like 10 year old radio DJ. Yeah. So right. This is, you know, this is what in the nineties and this [00:05:00] radio stations, like we need people to work weekends. Nobody wants to, none of the grownups wanted to work Saturdays. So they figured out this my friend, Matt, he did a pretty good job.

He showed up for work and had a great experience. And they were like, do you have any friends like you? And he said, well, my friend Sarah is pretty great. And so he and I were radio DJs way back then. And then the TV station in town, which was an affiliate for the Minneapolis stations, like a little tiny satellite station.

They were like, you guys are using teenagers and they're working out. And so pretty soon I got hired at the TV station and I was behind the scenes, you know, running cameras. Putting the cassette or like the VHS tapes in the back room. And I got to see all of the inner workings of what TV news was all about.

And I made friends with the anchors and they were my first mentors. And so not knowing anything. I was like, well, how do you do this? And they're like, well, you go to school for journalism. I'm like, tell me more. And so I, I [00:06:00] met a couple of them and one of them, I really appreciated. The school I ended up graduating from.

She's like, well, I went to Drake, it was great. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go to Drake. And my parents were like, right. I was the first one to graduate from four year college and my whole, both sides of my family. And and away we went and Drake set me up beautifully for a life in TV news. And so I got to go all over the country and Fargo, North Dakota and free.

And as if I didn't have a Northern accent enough, I went to Fargo and then I went to Missouri and that's where I met my husband. We would be co-anchors and then literally like fell in love and the rest is history. So he and I then moved to Wisconsin and we were co-anchors for nearly a decade together.

And having our babies really showed that. Mom and dad being done until 11 at night. So they were in daycare. Second shift work. It worked [00:07:00] until it worked until it didn't. And our son was two and our daughter was an infant and he did not want to go to bed at daycare. And so that was the tipping point for me to get into business.

And it was a big enough pain point. We loved our careers in TV but it was a big enough pain point that it's like, this is not what life is about. So one of us had to had to go, we did our pro and con list and it was me. I was still the food source for one of the children. So that tipped the scales and away we went and I bought my friend's women's magazine as a wonderful bridge. And I use my journalism skills and then dove head first into business. And my husband's six months later is like, I want to be in business too. I want to be home with our kids at night. And we laughed because he's like, I want to see a sunset sunset with you, not on sky cam because night, yes, we had this sky cam over a Walgreens and that's where we would see the sunsets together.

And we were like, yup. sunsets [00:08:00] in real life are really nice. And so he and I founded our marketing company and that was literally on independence day. And he put in his notice to TV and we both plunged into both of us being business owners as if one of us, you know, it wasn't enough, two toddlers at home and the rest is history and we have built and scaled businesses ever since.

And it's been a beautiful. Thrilling exciting, terrifying ride. And we are all in for it. And here we are today. Eight years later.

[00:08:33] Trina: Wow. What an amazing journey.

[00:08:38] Sarah: Yes.

[00:08:39] Trina: Yes. It's an amazing journey and it sounds like a fairy tale, so beautiful. Was it always that easy?

[00:08:51] Sarah: Oh no. I mean, I look back at how intense I was in the news world.

Oh man. Was I intense? And guess what? I brought [00:09:00] that intensity to business and there's a recipe to just fry. I mean, Yeah, we were always so, you know, driven to be first and best and like that competitive be the first with the scoop. It served us very well in business though, because urgency and that mentality to be best for your clients, they, they can smell that and they want to be a part of it.

So in my early business years, yeah, it was a, that was a really big part of my success and a really big part of burnout too, though. It's a double-edged sword. You're going to say. Yeah. So it wasn't always easy. No.

[00:09:41] Trina: Oh, talk about taking parts of your past life, parts of your formative life into your new endeavor into your new business.

What went into

creating. Embodying [00:10:00] and being in the kind of business that you wanted. Oh,

[00:10:10] Sarah: well it was falling face first into total burnout is what happened. And that's what led to truly my spiritual awakening, which has led to everything I have created. That's actually an alignment in business now and in life. So with that time in the women's magazine and beginning our startup marketing agency, which was a, it's still going today, beautifully full service, but full service means 24 7 in marketing and crisis communications and PR.

But what happened was I, I took all of that urgency and all of that seriousness and all of that drive I had, and I forgot to get help. I forgot to, I forgot to give myself the gift of rest because the deadlines were always there. [00:11:00] The next client was always there. We were feeding our family. We were building a team.

The payroll was always knocking on the door, the $5,000 a month printing bill for my free magazine meant I had to hustle my tushy to get advertisers. And so what happened was I got to the point where I was hallucinating. I could not. Yeah. I mean, I was that tired. Wow. Right. And who needs daycare? Because, Hey, we work from home now, hilariously poor choice.

Yet we left for our kids to be home with us. So we're juggling two toddlers all the stress of business life. And I forgot to tend to myself because I just didn't even know. I didn't even know until it was way too late. And so yeah, a life coach, spiritual healers sparked a whole new way of me doing business.

And I know. I looked back and, yeah. And to tell you how far I was down my life coach said, maybe you should just [00:12:00] start by smelling your shower gel really mindfully, because I was gone. That first tool was that, that was my self-care was smelling my shower, gel mindfully, and now I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, how did I make it?

[00:12:17] Trina: How did I make it? Yeah. And you know, the thing is you know, this, I know this, that it's not a unique situation. It's not a unique experience. I think probably most ambitious high powered visionary CEO-like leaders, especially women have experienced this at some point or another, or are at risk of experiencing it when they're transitioning into having their own business.

I talked to[00:13:00] leaders and entrepreneurs and of those kinds of people. And you don't know what you don't know. You have a vision, you have a very strong work ethic. I mean, entrepreneurial-ism and being a leader, you can't be lazy. I think there's a lot who fear being lazy, who gets stuck in the burnout and they see that they're not producing.

Or the endeavors that they're working on are not becoming what they envisioned. And so they just need to work harder doing the same thing that they've always been doing. All right. It's not that people aren't motivated, you're motivated AF [00:14:00] you know, it's not lack of motivation. It's, you're using the tools that you, that got you through before, through like a coping mechanism through a survival mechanism, and they've become at some point detrimental to your experience, but you can't see.

What other options are. That's kind of what I saw in your story there. And you need somebody to call you, call you out a little bit.

[00:14:31] Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea that there was such a thing as a life coach. I had never heard of it and she changed my life. She literally changed my life. Thank goodness for someone who told me, you know, I think maybe a life coach would be a great idea.

Because they were like, so when's the last time you did something for yourself and I'm like, huh, there's no time. And I was just so in my rut. But yeah, you cannot see straight, which is why coaching is such a powerful thing, right? [00:15:00] Even coaches need coaches because we sometimes can't see through our own junk and we have all the tools.

We have all the tools and still, we need someone to bounce them off of because we get caught in our patterns and they do serve us well... Until they don't. And then when we become, you know, a weapon against ourselves and our wellbeing, especially as visionaries, I think that's one thing I'd love to myth bust is like, what if you just own the fact that you're a visionary and it's okay.

That you're not good at all the technician stuff it's okay. Because that's where the in fact, I believe the burnout happens is the visionary thinks faster, has more ideas than, and it doesn't make integrators wrong or anything. We're just speaking about visionaries, period. We have more ideas before breakfast than some people do in a lifetime.

And then we want to take action on all of them and it

[00:15:57] Trina: can be overwhelming. Yes. [00:16:00] Because as a visionary, you see all the pieces. You see all the pieces and you're like, oh, I can do all that. Can you, can you do all of that in the timeline to make your vision come true before you die? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:16:15] Sarah: And when you were talking about the results, I think that's the piece where when we can center ourselves enough to not feel like we have to do all the things and trust that the ideas that are meant for us to take action on will be there tomorrow, if they still need to be there, but we can trust ourselves enough to know if I act on what's actually calling, I can create some results, then I don't have to feel like I have to do my, all, all of my ideas to have success, right?

Like we can hone in on those beautiful things that really serve our people well, right. The people we're here to help. And that's just, it it's like I have stopped worrying about being the person to do all the [00:17:00] things long ago. And I have stepped into the visionary superpowers that are that deep belief in what can be right.

Like you said. Yeah.

[00:17:10] Trina: When you stop worrying about the, how, and you look at the who, who can help, who can support, who can work in their zone of genius to support me as I work in my zone of genius, you know, it's get out of the zone of competence in the zone of excellence. Because Sarah, let me tell you, I am good. A lot of stuff, you are good. I mean, you could do whatever you want to do. And the people that I talk to are they're brilliant. They're capable. They can do all the little bits and pieces, but what is the return on investment of doing those little pieces? How can you pay somebody else to support you so that they can get that done?

The stuff [00:18:00] that you know might be kind of fun, but where if you acted in your zone of genius would bring so much return, you know, and it's not all about money, but let's be honest. You know, we need to have an exchange of energy.

[00:18:15] Sarah: Yeah, no money, no mission,

[00:18:17] Trina: no money, no mission. And this goes into I call it radical self care, doing all of the little things that may not be fun, but that allow you to really perform at your best to serve at your best to feel your best.

Because when you feel your best, when you have enough energy coming in, you're going to have better relationships with your family, you're going to have incredible deep, powerful relationships with your clients. Your clients are going to feel it, even if it's just on a video, even if it's through an email you know, and it sounds woo, but I think Wu is [00:19:00] sometimes just science that we don't understand yet.

And to get a little deep into the, the science, our micro-expressions, how we hold our body, how we breathe, how we feel about ourselves, the beliefs. And when I talk about beliefs, it's not just the thoughts. It's like, what do you feel? And believe and trust, mind, body, and emotions. All right. And that is what is going to come through in your facial expressions, in the words you choose in your ability to be present in your ability to listen.

And so, so yeah, that, I mean, being a visionary is great. But you have to believe it. You have to feel it. You have to embody it fully. And so that brings me on, because I know you're really big into the power of intention. I want to talk a little bit about values, the power of belief and and a little bit about mission because these things [00:20:00] are incredible.

When you understand how they can be used as tools,

[00:20:08] Sarah: absolutely. The biggest tools. Truly. Yeah. And I have no problem fully owning my woo. You know why? Because I have the major street credit and results to be like, if you need proof, I can show you proof that blue ends up in the bank. I can show you proof that Wu ends up as your kid saying, mom, you're the most joyful person.

I know those things that people consider woo or not valid. Like I think we're seeing this sea change visionaries, especially like give yourself that gift. What lights you up in the morning and your practices, like when you feel off, I bet you can point back to, I forgot to whatever show up on your yoga mat, forgot to do my breathing.

Right? You will find that 10 times out of 10. If you're off, you have forgotten the [00:21:00] thing that centers you for the day and just give yourself that. Everything else will get better.

[00:21:05] Trina: Yeah. And Sarah back me up here. Cause I know that we're not saying that the strategies that you're learning don't work, they do the tips, tricks, techniques, they all work, but there's something that has to come first, you know?

Cause inevitably when you look in the business world, do you see what people did? This technique that I learned and they have like explosive success, but I did the same thing, followed it step by step, step by step. I did the same thing and I got nothing. I got nada. Right. And so I think the mistake that people start to think is that they're doing something wrong.

So they start looking at the, the technique tricks, step strategy as they just keep pounding [00:22:00] that. And ignore the internal and they just start getting even more frustrated and anxious. And so people, if, if you're out there and you're doing something and it's not working, I'm going to suggest that you listen very closely to this next section that we're going to be talking about.

All right. So, and honestly, I think if people are listening to the show they're already kind of bought in, but we're going to talk about it a little more deeply.

Sarah, this has been such an amazing conversation. I would love for you to come back sometime. Would you be open to

[00:22:47] Sarah: that?

You know, I'm a yes. Awesome.

[00:22:51] Trina: Awesome. So Sarah, I want because there's so much more that I would love to talk with you about because values of has come [00:23:00] up a few times. I would love for that to be a conversation because that is man, you can use your values, like a compass.

Yes. You can figure out where you're going to go and how you're going to do things. Even if you have no idea in the moment and the power of belief and mission. There's just so much to talk about. But before we go, I want to also mention that I love pressies and you have Prezis. And I love to give my listeners Prezi's from my guess.

So tell me about. What you have, it's called the finish strong video workshop and ebook. What is that?

[00:23:40] Sarah: So it is the set of keys that I use, no matter what's going on in my business, no matter what's going on my life to finish anything strong. So this, even if you find it on January 2nd, right, you can use this to finish your year strong.

You can use it to finish a project strong. It [00:24:00] gets us back to the basics of what actually works, takes you out of the how, right. It's very tactical and strategic, which is a very big part of who I am. I am a strategist who also knows, all right, these are the five strategies I use to build success in whatever it is I'm doing.

So that's what this finished strong ebook or video course. You can use them both at once. If you want. It just offers, you know, different ways of consuming the content. It will help. Do anything you want to do, period.

[00:24:32] Trina: Brilliant. Yep. Because you know, as visionaries, we know we're great at starting, but holding that vision and finishing strong so that you can create the next part of your vision.

Yeah. I love that. Yes. I love that. And Sarah, how can people find out more about you? So

[00:24:54] Sarah: I am everywhere. Everywhere. You are. The juicy good life is on all of the [00:25:00] platforms. I personally hang out on Facebook myself. Someday I have, you know, I have hopes and dreams of being an Instagram lady, but I have a great helper for that.

Yeah. I'm okay with that because I am still just, I go where I'm inspired to be. And so I'm mostly on Facebook, LinkedIn. Instagram we're everywhere, but yeah, come hang out with me at the juicy good life. And we'll have a great time. I like to consider myself that front porch, best friend for female founders, because I don't want you to feel alone anymore.

Like you're not, you're not alone.

[00:25:33] Trina: You're not alone leadership, especially for women can feel like a very lonely place. And it's lonely because you isolate yourself. It's time to spend time with other leaders. That's

[00:25:48] Sarah: right.

[00:25:49] Trina: Right, Sarah, thank you so much. And listeners, all of those links will be in the show notes.

Sarah, thank you again. And I can't wait to talk to you in another

[00:25:59] Sarah: [00:26:00] interview. Thank you for this beautiful opportunity. Thank you for your light shining in the world and thank you for everything you do.

[00:26:06] Interview End

[00:26:06] Trina: Next week, I'll be talking with Leslie Rochelle.

Leslie is a soul led leadership coach who supports new and emerging leaders to bridge the inner and outer connection with self. Cultivating the skills and confidence that support their foundational leadership platform. So they can powerfully claim their leader within. She's a wife, mama coach mentor.

International bestselling author. And the founder of Leslie Rochelle coaching and consulting.

One of the reasons that I'm bringing Leslie on to talk about this is that companies love to promote new executive leaders up from their ranks. It reduces cost time to productivity and increases employee retention and team morale.

However research has shown that 40% of new executives fail within 18 months, whether it's the cultural [00:27:00] fit, inability to build teamwork or they're unsure of their role as a new leader. So that's why I'm talking with Leslie Rochelle about her leadership journey, as well as widely held misconceptions and small shifts that can transform your leadership capacity.

Both of your sense of fulfillment and impact will skyrocket when you make these shifts.

So tune in next week, folks, you don't want to miss it.

[00:28:00] [00:29:00]

It can be easy to take "success" for granted - that is...until your process stops working. That's why we are talking with Koni Scavella about how she got her "Ah-ha" from experiencing failure after a string of successes. 

Listen in to hear about:

• Becoming the difference-maker
• Curiosity & The Beginner's Mind
• How she discovered her pattern of success when entering new businesses
• Shedding layers of imposter syndrome and taking imperfect action
• Her "Ah-Ha" experiencing failure after a string of successes
• The importance of surrounding yourself with amazing people
• Niching "golden nuggets"
• And so much more!
   

Learn more about Koni:

• Community: http://TheIconicEntrepreneur.com
• Workshops: http://The7FigureWorkshop.com
• Books: http://KoniScavella.com/SOAR
• The SOAR Quiz: http://KoniScavella.com/quiz
• Website: http://KoniScavella.com
• Facebook: https://Facebook.com/KoniScavella
• Linked In: https://Linkedin.com/in/KoniS
• Instagram: https://Instagram.com/KoniScavella
• YouTube: https://YouTube.com/KoniScavellaTV

Take the 2-minute SOAR QUIZ to Discover What is Holding You Back From Success

... AndGet a FREE Copy of the SOAR BOOK

The SOAR Book and Quiz Bundle is a 4-step Instant Freedom Formula scientifically designed to help you unlink your past from your potential so you can live an unlimited life of success and happiness. 

• Save hundreds of hours of time and frustration with these ultra-simple methods to break free of your blocks.
• Gain instant clarity about your problems and the instant solution that will help you achieve your goals & dreams
• Access decades of proven tools, strategies and systems to help you elevate your mind and skyrocket your business in record-breaking time.
• Tap into the highest part of yourself and get 100% support along the way from our expert technologists.

*****

If you are a driven entrepreneur who’s:

• At the top of your game, yet find your consistent successes aren’t feeling like you thought they would,
• And you are ready to root out any vestiges of imposter syndrome self-sabotage that are holding you back from expanding out of your comfort zone and into your next level,
• AND you are ready for success that truly feels like success

Book a call with me.

We'll have an intimate conversation about you and your business. We’ll explore what what might be holding you back from enjoying your success. You’ll leave with your next step.

If you still need more help at the end of the call, and it makes sense to both of us - we'll talk about what it would look like to work together.

If this sounds good to you, click the Book Trina link ==> https://bit.ly/BookTrina

*********

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TRANSCRIPT

Koni Scavella: Becoming the Difference-Maker, Reverse engineering her success & Niching profitably

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Trina:

[00:00:56] Intro

[00:00:56] Trina: welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. In my last episode. [00:01:00] I spoke with Lauren Hughes about radical self-acceptance. What she thought was a weakness and how it became her superpower. These are seven figure secrets people. So if you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

But don't go yet, folks. My next guest is Koni Scavella . Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

An entrepreneur for 17 years with degrees in theology and physics. She has worked with new startups, fortune five hundreds and Inc 500 companies in healthcare, real estate. Education sports, finance, oil and gas, retail ministry hospitality. Entertainment. And Connie, and I will be talking about becoming the difference maker reverse engineering, her success and niching [00:02:00] profitably. It can be so easy to take success for granted. - That is until your process stops working. That's why we're talking today with Koni Scavella about how she got her aha from experiencing failure after a string of successes.

Join me in welcoming Koni. Scavella. .

[00:02:21] Interview Start[00:02:21] 1 Koni Scavella: Becoming the Difference-Maker, Reverse engineering her success and Niching profitably

[00:02:21] Trina: Hi Koni. Thank you so much for joining me today.

[00:02:24] Koni: Oh, it is my pleasure. I'm so happy to be here.

[00:02:28] Trina: I'm thrilled to have you now, Koni, would you share with my audience a little bit? I introduced you before we started. But would you tell us a little story about like where you started to, where you are now?

[00:02:42] Koni: Absolutely. So my journey started far, far, far away in a land called Germany. And so actually that's where I'm from my mother's German Austrian. My father is Italian, Puerto Rican, and I come out like this. So, [00:03:00] it was perfect. I had a wonderful childhood. Bucollic beginnings. And then it all came to a screeching halt when we came to America. And the reason I bring this up is, you know, I don't want to go back to the, you know, the cradle days, but it's important because when I came to America, that's when everything changed.

[00:03:18] Trina: How old were you when you came to America?

[00:03:23] Koni: That's going to be another point. I'm a little challenged by that. Believe it or not still is because I had a near-death experience, which I lost a lot of memory, a lot of concepts of time. So I have no concept of time. And so people would say, well, how old were you then? And what were you doing in 1990? And where were you there? And I have zero ability to gauge that to a timeframe. But I would say somewhere around nine or 10 or something like that. And, but it was so different. Right. And when I came to America, I had [00:04:00] no idea that I was different. In Europe everything looked the same. There was no biases.

It wasn't about how much money do you have? Where do you come from? You know, who were your parents? We didn't have any of that. And if we did, my mother did a great job of not letting us know. So when we came to America, I was completely different. Right. I looked different. In the suburbs we lived in, everybody was blonde, blue eyes, thin lipped and, and little tiny little people.

And here I am, five, nine, you know, dark hair, thick eyebrows, full lips of, and really long thick hair. And I was completely an outcast. And of course I sounded funny because I still had an accent. So you know how kids are very cruel growing up before there was a name for it, there was bullying. And so I was.

The tail end of that, the harsh end of that. And [00:05:00] it was really hard. And then I finally kept coming to my mom. I mean, the beat ups were terrible. And I said, you know, we gotta do something here to stop this. And so I was tutored how to speak English without an accent. I speak five languages, but then my mother did something brilliant and she said, Koni, you're always going to be different.

And your difference is the differenceMaker.. And so that was my rock. That's what I leaned on. And that was sort of my own name. I call him an auto responder. I'd always play that automatically. If somebody said something to me and that became a theme for me. And so going into school, I was different.

I started studying, okay, well, who are the different people and how do you not have disharmony by being different? How do you have to blend in? So very early age, I became a student of human behavior. And so I realized [00:06:00] to be popular means you're safe. So we thought, okay, I'll be popular. So it became popular.

And that lasted for a while. It's like imposter syndrome in high school.

[00:06:11] Trina: Yes. Yes.

[00:06:12] Koni: Right. And so I morphed, but I was miserable. And so then I was walking down the streets of Seattle. And I got discovered by an agent and started modeling and they said, well, you're not the "look". You don't look, you know, like an American model, we'll have to send you to Europe.

And that was music to my ears and off I went. So all of a sudden the thing that people would make fun of me and laugh and point and jeer was the thing that made me millions of dollars before I could get a driver's license. And so that completely changed me and it solidified. What my mother said, right.

My difference is going to be the difference maker. And so that's how it started. And then I went into multiple careers. It seems like all of them started with [00:07:00] M. So I went from modeling. I went into medicine and to the field of medicine, again, completely out of my element became the fastest rising youngest, female, and the third largest $200 billion pharmaceutical company.

And I did it how all off of launching, I became an expert and I created a new way. That was my way to launch new drugs.. And so, that was the thing, you know, back in the day. So that became my thing. I went from there. I went into the money field, finance mortgage companies. I did it different. I didn't know what I was doing.

Again. I go into everything cold what's going on, locked myself in my house for three months and tried to figure out the internet. And so I became one of the largest mortgage companies in the country in 13 states. Of course I thought, well, what do I do next has to start with an "M" so, I thought, well, I haven't done motor sports.

And so I [00:08:00] started a professional racing company.. And so we raced all over the country and I wore every hat but the helmet and then I went into studying the mind and that's where I really kind of came full circle and started looking at what changes people, what makes people Excel and what makes people fail.

And I looked at, is there a syntax of failure and a syntax of success that we could follow? Is there a formula for that? And I spent 12 years looking into that and doing that and I realized, oh, this is what I did. Has it right. Trying to fit in. I studied human behavior and then I realized I've spent 12 years studying predictable human behavior.

And how do you perform in different environments to get the maximum success out of that? And so I'm out of "M's". I suppose now I take people from six figures to seven figures in a year. So I help people become millionaires in a year.

[00:08:56] Trina: There you go.

[00:08:57] Koni: But I think I have to stop here because I can't [00:09:00] find any more M's that I could complete, but that's the whole journey.

And each one of those was a piece, right. A piece to a puzzle. And every single time I had a pattern and I would go into something completely new, I'd be the outcast. I'd still always be made. Fun of people would bet against me in one place, they had a football pool bet. One of those, you know, things where you pick a square.

[00:09:24] Trina: Yeah.

[00:09:25] Koni: I didn't know this until about four months in that they all picked a square. Like what month and day would I quit and leave? Because of the harassment. So, you know, you just, you deal with what you deal with. But I think once I realized my difference was the difference maker I was unbreakable.

[00:09:46] Trina: Such an incredible story. And before people, listeners, before you think, oh, I can't identify with this story because it sounds like she started with success right away. You [00:10:00] didn't, you started off with bullying. You started off with being the underdog and trying to figure things out. But very early on, it sounds like you were quite fortunate with your mother who says your strength is the thing that is stumbling you right now.

And that is you are a difference maker. You are a change maker, you're a difference maker. You're different and that is your strength. And it's so exciting to see how you, you pick that up and ran with it. With each new business that you got into you pretty much just picked an M field and said, I'm a do that.

[00:10:47] Koni: Yeah.

[00:10:48] Trina: I would do that and figure it the heck out. So let me ask you this. You experienced quote unquote imposter [00:11:00] syndrome. When you were a kid, how did you find, or did you find that similar things kept coming up for you in each new level of business that you went into?

[00:11:13] Koni: Oh, you know, it's so funny, you think? Okay, well I've mastered it. I got, I got success at this level and it's just going to continue. And it doesn't, it is that onion, right. I just peel that layer and now, oh no, I'm starting a new layer, right? It's like picking at a wound, right? Sure. It has a scab on it.

It's sealed up and then you pick at it now it's totally exposed again. And every new place I went. It's almost like I just needed to keep shedding layers and layers and layers like a snake, every new place I went, imposter syndrome came up and for me, I have a short attention span. Right. I, I love the challenge.

I have most entrepreneurs are like this, right? Where we [00:12:00] have ideas, we're visionaries and we want to create and then now you take over, right? I'm not going to go create something new. Most of us are designed that way and I'm no different, but each time I want to go into something new, I realize, I don't know anything about this.

So, I would have to study, I have a researcher's brain, I'd study everything, trying to figure things out. That was my. One of my I guess superhero qualities, I was just a constant researcher. And so then I'd figure it out. And then I do it now. I never figured it out well or perfectly, or like anybody else.

[00:12:38] Trina: So, let me interrupt for a second, because there's so much in there. You overcame perfectionism, you weren't trying to do everything perfectly. You were an action taker, you were curious and you saw something that caught your attention. And I'm going to figure out how to [00:13:00] do that. Is, is this viable?

Let me figure it out. It's like, oh, this is doable from the little that I know about it so far. And then you take, start taking steps. You take the steps that you are that you understand that. And each step you take you understand more and you can take the next step.

[00:13:21] Koni: Exactly. You did such a great job of unpacking that like you exactly. And so what, what I finally realized, and honestly it took me until the last three years after some huge failures I suppose we'll get to those too.

[00:13:37] Trina: Oh, yes.

[00:13:38] Koni: so after some huge failures, I'm like, what is going on? Why am I failing more massively now than I ever have?

And why did I not fail before? And so what I started doing is exactly like what you said, I had to reverse engineer, what was I doing? Right. And in different areas in [00:14:00] different environments. And then how do I repeat that success? And I, and I look at it from all avenues, right? From the way I am internally to the way I am externally.

But most important of all is my mind, my consciousness, how am I thinking, how am I believing then? How am I feeling? And how am I acting? And those are the key things that have to happen, right? What is that first thought? And that first thought is that first thought, the second, my eyes open, what is that?

Right. And for me, somebody told me about Napoleon hill long time ago. Now I remember this year because. It was just so pivotal and it was 1989 and I saw it and I got the book in an audio tape to go with it. That's just telling you how old it is. And I did it and I followed all the chapters and I was absolutely addicted to the mastermind principle and [00:15:00] surrounding myself with amazing people.

Now, if I didn't have him physically, I made them up in my head and that's exactly what the principal talks about. And so I had amazing success again. So I took little things like that and where I had amazing success, I'd hang on to it. The things that led to repeated slide backs or falls, then I'd figure out, okay, where was the, where was the gap?

And now I analyze it and then I either let it go or fix it, but I never really got stuck on something. And think this is important for people to understand, especially as things are changing so fast right now, right? You're looking at Moore's laws, the advance of technology, things are going faster than we can keep up with.

And that's another thing that ignites imposter syndrome. Like I was just barely keeping up, but now it's going twice as fast. Right. You have to look at what can you do and what can't you do? Part [00:16:00] of that comes down to really knowing yourself. Intimacy is key with, with business and with clients these days with too much technology, but also self intimacy and self integrity and honesty.

Like I can't do that or that's not my thing and just admit it and move on. And that is, is one of the keys which we can talk about later, as far as what I would call singularity. I am really good at a very few number of things. I strive for excellence in it. I don't care about perfection because I believe we're all perfect with everything.

We know, every experience we had. We're perfect, but I still want excellence and I still want to be iconic and preeminent. And so I'll strive for that. But I can only do that in certain places and the rest, forget it, cooking, forget it, cleaning, forget it. You know, doing my books for get it right. So you have to be honest.

[00:16:59] Trina: That's when you [00:17:00] hire

[00:17:00] Koni: a team.

Yes, exactly. And say, what can you do? And what can you not do? And you know, in, in the coaching consulting environments, the same thing you want to know who is that exact audience for you? Right. I can show anybody how to make a million dollar business. But who do I really, really work best with. Right. And once I narrow that down, realizing that audience is so tiny, that's when everything grew.

[00:17:29] Trina: Yeah. Narrowing your niche so you can speak directly to them. Like you're speaking to one person.

[00:17:40] Koni: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's such a big, like stumbling block for people that like, oh, I can't find my niche. I run into coaches two, three years down the road. They're not going to, I'm still working on my niche. I almost have it. You know, and then six months later they're bored with it and they're going down another [00:18:00] rabbit trail.

But what I want to tell people is stop looking at the market and start looking at the problem. Right. Niche, the problem, not the market. Right. And you know, that niche is not that 35 year old woman with a Volvo and the white picket fence who lives in the suburbs of Pennsylvania with two kids, one in college.

That's not it. It is what is that problem? What is that earth shattering thing that they can't sleep. They don't want anyone to know that that bothers them, that they're covering up. But gosh, if you could, if you could fix it, if you could find this, you could give them a way I'd give you anything. And when you can find that niche, it's golden.

[00:18:47] Trina: it is golden. Oh, speak to the problem. Speak to the problem.

[00:18:54] Koni: Absolutely.

[00:18:56] Trina: Koni, thank you so much for such a [00:19:00] long, beautiful conversation. What do you have exciting coming up in the next 12, 24 months?

All excited about

[00:19:09] Koni: oh, I, I am so excited all the time. So a couple of things. And so because I believe so much in people being their unique self every oh, about every two months I teach a free workshop called the celebrity factor where you actually take yourself and up your celebrity factor, not the influencer side of things.

That is not at all what we're talking about, but we're talking about being iconic thinking of those, you know, the Audrey Hepburn's and the, the classic black and white. Looks, you know, even the Jackie Kennedy-esk type of things that you see and they have such longevity and, and there are classics and you

[00:19:57] Trina: The difference between style and [00:20:00] beds

[00:20:00] Koni: yes, yes.

And the Coco Chanel. Right. So that aspect of it, where, you know, you can say something and everybody almost gets that same picture. And to boost that because that's how your business stays, right? Otherwise you are a fad and you're just hopping from platform to platform. And so it's important to be independent of the market and the platforms, but to be your own icon.

So, I do that five, six times a year, and then I do have a new book coming out. I've written two so far soar and the power of her wish. And then the new book is called beyond mindset. And it's really. About a lot of these principles that we talked about, how do you go beyond not the fixed and the growth mindset and your positive or your negative.

It's about really elevating your whole consciousness and into whole different field where the miraculous happens all the time. And when you have that level and [00:21:00] you elevate your mind, your business will skyrocket as well. So that,

[00:21:04] Trina: brilliant. And listeners, those links will be in the show notes,

[00:21:08] Koni: yes.

[00:21:11] Trina: Koni, It has been an absolute pleasure and honor talking with you today.

[00:21:15] Koni: Thank you so much for the invitation My pleasure.

[00:21:18] Interview End

[00:21:18] Trina: we'll be talking again with Koni Scarvella, a few episodes from this one about how she recovered from a major emotional and financial setback. Dealt with betrayal and never lost the conviction that she would make a million dollars in a year. Make sure to follow this podcast. So you don't miss out.

Next week, I'll be talking with Sarah Stokes and award-winning strategist who scaled successful businesses to multiple millions. She's just founded the aligned business collective. A new place for B2B business owners to find their ideal clients and grow.

High powered visionary leaders with track records of success, tend to continue [00:22:00] creating success.

But often that proven strategy of success creation becomes a survival pattern that keeps you stuck in overwork and overwhelm. When you are ready to level up in a more satisfying and profitable way, it's time to go deeper into the common denominator in all of your endeavors. And that common denominator is you.

That's why I'm talking with visionary, Sarah Stokes of the juicy Goodlife. About her journey from her career as a TV news, anchor to her current level of entrepreneurial success. It's going to be a fantastic episode. So tune in next week, folks, you won't want to miss it.

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