Gattaca (1997)

We've all seen that scene from "Perfect" where John Travolta is humping his way through a Jamie Lee Curtis aerobics class, but there's another two hours to this 1985 box-office bomb. And we had to watch all of it.

Longtime Shat The Movies beer buddy Scott in Friendswood, Texas, was kind enough to commission a film about Gene Lyons' three favorite topics: journalism, fitness and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Not to be left out, Dick Ebert had lots to say about sex with elite athletes. And Ash got into a car accident.

What genre is "Perfect?" Do newsrooms run on self-loathing? How is 2024 gym etiquette different from 40 years earlier, and did we need so much footage of Jamie Lee Curtis driving? Find out for yourself in this week's episode of Shat The Movies.

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"The Legend of Billie Jean" had a little something for each Shat The Movies host. Gene got his Honda Elite scooter. Ash got her Christian Slater. And Big D got Helen Slater with no bra.

But that's not why listener BreAnn M. commissioned this 1985 coming-of-age film. For her, "The Legend of Billie Jean" was an inspiration, a gateway to feminism and a radical view of what kids could do.

In this episode, the Shat Crew debates whether all Gulf Coast states are the same, whether men are as bad as the movie makes them out to be and whether teens are a powerful force or apathetic losers.

Gene offers some tips on how to make a powerful video for the media. Ash rails against the "these darn kids" messaging of '80s films. And Big D describes what would really happen to Billie Jean and her gang in the real world. 

Other topics range from the accuracy of police snipers to the plausibility of life in Vermont. And, of course, everyone loves Pat Benatar. 

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When listener Rob F. commissioned "Gattaca" in honor of his father, we all remembered it as beautiful, futuristic and distinct. Oddly enough, we couldn't remember much else. 

We remembered Ethan Hawke but not his lengthy voiceovers. We remembered Jude Law but not the incinerator scene. We remembered Uma Thurman but not her character's heart condition. 

This 1997 sci-fi debut for director Andrew Niccol made some interesting choices, like casting loads of TV talent and pretending Jude Law and Ethan Hawke look anything alike. And it also had some swagger, like pinstripe spacesuits and film-noir vibes. 

The Shat Crew was left to debate: Is "Gattaca" a case of style over substance, or is it a visionary film that went underappreciated for years?

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Shat The Movies didn't invent sexual perversion, edgy attitudes and impeccable taste in music, we just perfected it. More than 25 years earlier, Christian Slater inspired teens to "talk hard" in the 1990 box office bomb "Pump Up The Volume."

Ash was delighted when listener Eric commissioned this coming-of-age movie to highlight his belief in the power of listening. Dick Ebert viewed it from a parent's perspective, and Gene was aghast at Happy Harry Hard-on's terrible microphone discipline. 

As the Shat Crew debate whether a teen can suffer in the affluent suburbs, they touch on the King of Teen Angst, rites of passage, how to unmask a pirate-radio host, microwave explosions and whether "Pump Up The Volume" is just "Footloose" minus the dancing.

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We noticed all the biggest podcasts seem to have celebrity hosts, murder or hot takes. Shat The Movies lacks star power. And it doesn't have thrilling true-crime tales. So this week we're banking on misguided opinions as we plug into "Short Circuit."

Big D doesn't think Johnny 5 is really alive. Ash believes this is Ally Sheedy's worst performance. And Gene is convinced Ben Jabituya isn't Indian. Two of them are wrong, and Gene wrote this episode description. 

Despite their divergent opinions, the Shat Crew agreed on a lot of things about this 1986 Steve Guttenberg comedy: The robot design is classic. The film is oddly paced. And NOVA's security force is a bunch of dicks.

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Before Arizona was the playground of retired athletes and conservative Californians, it was a quiet, spooky place full of Old West ghosts, dusty roads and alien abductions. We're taking you back to the Travis Walton story with "Fire in the Sky."

Released in the same year "The X Files" debuted, "Fire in the Sky" terrified a young Gene Lyons, who went day camping in the same woods where aliens scooped up a logger in 1975, slapped jelly in his mouth and stuck a needle in his eye. 

In this episode commissioned by letter carriers Carlos and Natasha, the Shat Crew debates which podcast host is the bravest, when it's OK to leave a friend for dead and why it's so hard to believe aliens exist.

Grown-up Gene and Big D see the film's rebel through new eyes. Ash gushes over David Duchovny (who isn't even in this movie), and everyone agrees Travis' friends and family are idiots. Come to think of it, so is Travis.

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Shat The Movies power couple Carlos and Natasha were kind enough to gift the Shat Crew three film commissions of our choice. So we  used the first to fill a glaring omission in the Pantheon of Shat: "Legend."

Nursing a "Hawk The Slayer" hangover, Ash was a bit worried venturing back into her beloved fantasy genre, but she quickly discovered Legend's production value was top-notch. Gene was impressed with dwarven heroics, and Big D felt like he was having a bad acid trip.

But all three Shat hosts agreed on three things: Tom Cruise looked ridiculous, Ridley Scott builds incredible worlds, and Tim Curry is a god.

In this episode, your hosts discuss the difference between alicorn, unicorn and Pegasus while plunging into less critical questions, including: Why does Jack abandon his loot? Was the enchanted dress all that enchanting? How long is too long to play Frisbee with metal platters? Are goth girls dirty, sexy or both? Did Darkness deserve banishment? And which version of "Legend" is the right one to watch?

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Shat The Movies takes its anglophilia to a new level with an English commissioner, an English guest host and a movie that epitomizes the English film renaissance: "Four Weddings and a Funeral."

Rob Will Taylor joins Ash and Gene to discuss the reality of British weddings, why they start so early and why they suck for guests. The Shat Crew also explores the tragic tale of Charlotte Coleman, the charm of Hugh Grant and Ash's favorite sex scene ever. 

In this episode, Gene assumes Dick Ebert's mantle of Curious Average American Guy, asking about British phone habits, whether viewers are supposed to hate Andie MacDowell and how sleeping at pubs works. Ash applauds a powerful scene that still packs a punch. And Rob rails against That Fucking Song.

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When listener Joe asked to commission a pair of films for his grandmother's 100th birthday, the Shat Crew never suspected his first choice would be "Hawk The Slayer."

And the surprises didn't end there. This low-budget 1980 sword-and-sorcery fantasy treated us to machine-gun crossbows, a magical fisting sword and Jack Palance in a cape. We also got a Lord Rockingham soundtrack, serious Medieval Times vibes, a draggy dark wizard and a possible cinematic record for Most Improvised Grills In A LARPing Motion Picture.

Can Dick Ebert convince Ash and Gene this Rifftrax-worthy movie deserves anything more than 4 wipes? Listen to find out!

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If you had to assemble a film canon, a collection of movies you'll never outgrow, what would be in it? For listener Shawn, the answer is simple: "Death Becomes Her."

We're kicking off 2024 with cutting-edge computer-generated effects (for 1992), life lessons about immortality and Goldie Hawn in a fat suit.

As Big D explores the appeal of "Death Becomes Her" to the gay community, Ash dives into her skin-care routine, and Gene drools over Isabella Rossellini's ... umm ... mansion. 

And what Shat The Movies episode would be complete without references to "Rocky Horror Picture Show," Bruce Willis and hilarious eulogies?

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