INNews - Feb 17th 2,000 and 14

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality for you boxride in the borough! Today! - It's that voodoo only Mississippi can do do! - Dial 'D' for Dead French Guy! - Secret to weight loss revealed; don't eat food!

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality to put the kale in your pocket! Today! - Salvation Army becomes latest victim of the deadly drug marijuana! - Crazy Ivan goes more crazy-er! - Chinese smog is the cure for the capitalist blues!

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality to make your biscuit boy start cooking pancakes. Today! - Southern state braces for potential imminent UFO attack - Shocking news story! A Florida woman lies to gain favor with a man! - Chevron answers the question "Does anyone smell gas?" with a resounding "No."

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality to make your biscuit boy start cooking pancakes. Today! - Loving Lardo loses large for lady love! - "The internet is a fad" screams the quickly dying paper lobby. - A New Zealand man does a startlingly realistic balloon impression.

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality that would make a roundheel spare a pumper! Today! - A South Carolina woman is arrested for never letting go of Jennifer Lopez - The Navy announces ship-mounted laser beams. Are rocket men far behind? - Is America ready to say "I still love my gun?"

All the current news for America in 1940s speak & quality that would make a bangtail spin circles. Today! - Crisis: America cries that hospitals are a pain in the neck! - Seattle students give Ivan a run for his money in to race to space! - Ellen Page sort of, but not really shocks the world!