Arlina A has been in recovery for 27 years and her mission is to help other people. Currently she’s filling the hole of helping women to find sobriety inside and outside of traditional recovery. Much to many’s chagrin it turns out there just may be solutions outside of the “12 steps”. Arlina is incredibly well read in the personal growth space and can put her money where her mouth is… She’s funny, fun to talk to, and just an all out amazing women. She gets into her most recent bitch slap at the end.
Episode notes:
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Arlina A from Idaho. You can find everything Arlina here: www.Soberlifeschool.com
She was the first podcast I was on. And yes I was a little unruly on her podcast:). One day at a time podcast. https://odaatchat.com/ She’s had her podcast 5 years. June 2016. How does that happen? (Tim Ferriss)
Corporate sales history:). Celebrated shopping and the fan fare wares off. The “something I said helped her stay sober” moment that outweighed any big check moment.
Arlina’s been sober 27 years. We are not reps for AA lol.
You’ve got to give it away to keep it and I’m greedy so…
Some women don’t want to go to a “He” centered format…
The big book and 12x12 are magical. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Fear of death will manifest differently for women maybe. Men and the warrior mentality. Men are considered disposable…. What is our value? Those who are able to confront intimacy. Comparison is the thrift of joy.
What you think about you bring about. Be intentional and mindful and look at the positives. Focus on what you are doing right so you can do more of that.
I’m of the mindset that everyone is doing the best they can with the information they have in the moment. The brain-it’s an efficiency thing.
You can’t hate yourself into wellness. The inner dialogue is just ridiculous.
The whole idea about meditation is to give us a little pause between the thought and the response. The brains job is to think. That’s it’s job. But we don’t need to attach ourselves to those thoughts.
Your tool for evolution If you spot it you got it! You can’t love or hate something about yourself unless it’s something you love or hate about someone else. The pot calling the kettle black.
But it also works about the people you admire.
Making the popping sound. “Make the popping sound son.”The sound that you hear when your hard comes out of your ass. Or In a more spiritual way it’s when the veil of denial is lifted.
I had no tools to resolve my pain to resolution.
A little riff on “the steps”…
The distractions (addictions) are endless!
The limitless possibilities are available all the time.
My ability to recognize where I am making mistakes turned out to be my super power. “I am not what I do”.
Recovery is about recovering our whole selves. The good and the bad. Can you love your unloveable parts? Could I meet my dearest charterer defect with empathy and compassion?
If I’m judging others I am really judging myself…. The reverse of that is true as well. George Orwell - You get in trouble your thought crimes.
Oprah riff. She loves Oprah. Oprah introduced her to all these teachers that have blown her mind and transformed her world.
Marianne Williamson, Gary Zukav, Deepak Chopra, Wayne dyer. “The seed of the soul”, “The Dancing Wu Li Masters”
I quit the corporate life - I could not live any longer not being aligned with my purpose, which is to help others.
The practical solutions that Marianne Williamson offers. Tell me what you love about men “We’re not complicated…” (and more). I love her answer of how men are relative to women.
Gary Zhukov - what a sweet sweet soul. Depack’s meditations. Wayne Dyer. Tony Robins. “Change your mind, change your life”
Who’s the biggest pain in the ass in the world right now? Politicians.
Aa is not the only way. There are many paths to recovery. Addiction is a very complicated issue. Using people to make myself feel better. SLAA. Sex and love addicts anonymous.
I’m broken, I’ll never be fixed, I’m hopeless. At essence we are all basically the same. We are all doing the best we can with the information we have. There are teachers bringing light and love into the world. The answers are out there.
Negativity bias. Confirmation bias. There is no difference. We are all in the same boat. Often times people aren’t able to move to solution until their pain and feelings are validated.
Tara Brach - RAIN Meditation
What is it that I do want? That’s a more interesting question then what’s wrong with me… Ask better questions. We need to ask better questions.
Vulnerability and transparency and that requires a lot of courage. I have lots of unpopular options
When someone is sharing at a meeting and someone starts to cry, I hate the tissue distributors. Something is emerging, something needs to come out through tears, the are finally processing their negativity and someone shoved a tissue in their hand. It disrupts that persons process and I’m like “you fuckers!” Just let people cry - when they are ready for a tissue they will ask for one. And more on the “tissue distributors”.
I really do think that “the men should work with the men and the women should work with the women”. An recovery saying. When you know better you should do better. Not all (recovery) meetings are created equal. Some (recovery) meetings are very sick.
AA (recovery) is not the only way - people hate to hear that. We are not doctors, it is not ok to tell somebody to not to take their meditation.
There was a period where I thought I new better - I was confused about my role as a sponsor let’s say. Where I thought I new better than they did about themselves.
We are always changing. We are always evolving or devolving. Are used to think that I knew what was better for other people. I was self-righteous.
When I turned twenty (years sober) my overwhelming feeling was shame. Shame that I wasn’t “better yet”. That was the thought that came up for me and I was unprepared for it. That kind of shame Omg I still have judgments. Maybe that was when I started thinking we should focus on our assets.
Instead of looking at how far I’d come I was looking at how far I needed to go. The default mode network. It’s always challenging to break out of that default mode.
Her most recent bitch slap - she had just put her son into treatment. “I didn’t realize how asleep at the wheel I had been”. At home. I have this workaholism thing. So that was brought to light. “Like last week!”
What I know to do is double down on my self care practice. Why am I distracting so much? Why can’t I tolerate silence. Every waking moment was filled with… ( her list is awesome)
(Son is 17)
Drastic change in the way I’m feeling thinking seeing the world. I was in denial about my kids. They are video game kids. They never went anywhere or did anything…. But low and behold…. I was not aware of the facts shall we say. “I looked good for a while”. I’m awake now. To my codependency. I was paralyzed by fear. I was in denial and I didn’t even know it.
I created “Bite me” custom cookies. I’m scaling! I’m always feeding my brain and it felt like a distraction. This all came to light last week. Home Depot. More doing. I’m exhausted Mischa. I’m exhausted.
The biggest blow up she’s seen in recovery. She saw her friend at a meeting in the morning…. And she was dead 3 hours later. If you have chronic pain go see a board certified addiction specialist.
Talk about a wake up call. Hence her recovery podcast. The “One day at a time” podcast.
Rebirth stories? We see so many good things on the daily. Thousands of good things go right every day. I’ve seen some crazy ass people…. And their lives change. Some people are unrecognizable for the better. It happens all the time.
Our little worlds are so small. There’s room for us all. There’s enough crazy to go around.
Look for her “Brain Washers Club”. A membership site.
You can find everything Arlina here: www.Soberlifeschool.com.
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