Introducing The Silent Why...

#099. Here it is again - Mother's Day.

As many mum's across the UK will be glowing with pride at the presents their children offer, other women will be wincing a little (or a lot) every time they see these words. Well, as a childless-not-by-choice (cnbc) woman I know how they feel, and I'm here to share how I'm learning to mark it without letting it mark me.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. It's hosted by me (Claire Sandys), with husband Chris joining in for the '101 loss list' episodes. 

For this episode, I'm re-releasing a recording I did last year just after Mother's Day (with a newly added intro for you this year). I had decided to do things a little differently in 2023 and I just switched the microphone on and winged it! Working from a few notes I made on my Supernote, I chatted about why Mother's Day is a challenge, who struggles with it, how I get through it, how we can refocus it, and what I've found to be helpful along the way.

And don't forget if you know someone that really struggles with Mother's Day, why not send them a Herman? It doesn't have to arrive on the day, and it might be just the boost they need: www.thehermancompany.com

For more about our childless journey listen to Episode 3  - Loss of fertility - where we chat in more detail about our experience: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1

For the full blog post by Amy Young that I read from: https://www.messymiddle.com/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/

And if there are certain losses you'd like to learn more about from us, or our guests, scroll down the 'Let's Chat...' page on our website to the list of topics and you can see some of our episodes categorised there: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat

Or you can see our full list of 101 losses so far here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses

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Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

Are you struggling at the moment? Do you feel lonely in what you're facing? If you answer "yes" then this episode is for you.
However, if the answer is "not at the moment" then I also think it's for you too.
And if life is just peachy keen right now, then you might still want to lean in, to be able to help those around you who are finding life tough.

Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/yourenottheonlyone

If I said to you 'you're not the only one going through this' you might think I was stating the obvious or being a bit insensitive, but the reason a lot of us suffer for longer than we need to in grief, loss, ill-health etc is because on some level we DO believe we're completely alone in what we're going through. 

This way of thinking is lonely and isolating, and can be more detrimental us that we realise. But when we really acknowledge that we're not alone in our grief, loss or pain, and start to connect with others in similar situations, it can be a powerful step on our way towards healing. 

And that's what I want to help you with today - helping you feel less alone.

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

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Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#098. Let's Chat... about the amazing part that colour can play at a funeral.

Let’s Chat episodes are with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to the very lovely Jen Watson, a Funeral Celebrant in Kent.

I first heard about Jen on our Funeral-Director-Work-Experience trip to North Wales. Back then she was known as Jen Wilkinson, but now she has a new name, a new patch to work on, and it was great to finally connect with her.

Jen setup JW Celebrancy in 2021 after qualifying as a Funeral Celebrant and has cultivated a very vibrant way to brand her services - which I was eager to chat to her about.

Jen offers empathetic and colourful services for bereaved families to help them share their loved one’s final life-story. She has a beautiful way of involving colours in a funeral (which leaves you desperate to get a glimpse at her wardrobe) and shares how she's developed this, and why she's never led a service in full black.

It's a great conversation that will make you smile and well-up, and inspire you when it comes to funeral planning, as well as give you a whole new take on how other people celebrate their loved ones when they die.

For more about Jen, visit her website or social media:
https://jwcelebrancy.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/JenWatsonFuneralCelebrantJWCelebrancy
https://www.instagram.com/jenwatsonfuneralcelebrant/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jen-jwcelebrancy/ 

And Jen is also the proud owner of Herman and did this great video on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C2KIfpXs4dA/

For my previous chats with Funeral Celebrants & Funeral Directors, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat

For Loss 43/101: Loss of life for a Funeral Director:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7abc6ce6/loss-43101-loss-of-life-for-a-funeral-director-jonathen-harty-and-chris-lord-brown

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#097. When someone dies in hospital there's the loss of a patient, but there's also the grief of the family, so how does dealing with that grief differ, depending which side you're on?

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.

Loss #49 of 101: Loss in an Emergency Department

In this episode, you'll meet two guests, each telling their side of the story about the death of a patient after emergency surgery.

Our first guest is Catherine Fowler, the daughter of Tim Fleming, who died of an aortic dissection in 2015 after being admitted to the Emergency Department in Dublin (where he was visiting on a work trip).

We’re also joined by John Cronin, a consultant in Emergency Medicine, who was on duty the day Tim was admitted, and aware of colleagues’ attempts to diagnose his condition.

However, our guests' paths didn't cross the day Tim died, they met much later as they both searched for answers about how aortic dissection is diagnosed and treated.

Seventy adults, of all ages, every week in the UK & Ireland, suffer an aortic dissection (when the aorta, the major artery in the body that carries blood from the heart, starts to tear). And sadly, only around half of these people survive.
 
What Catherine, John, and many others at The Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust have been working on since Tim's death is something we should all be thankful for, because it has massively changed the approach to diagnosing aortic dissection.

For more on The Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust, visit:
https://aorticdissectioncharitabletrust.org/
https://www.facebook.com/AorticDissectCT
https://www.instagram.com/aorticdissectct
https://twitter.com/AorticDissectCT
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-aortic-dissection-charitable-trust/

Sasha Bates episode mentioned: Loss 23/101:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bb3198e/loss-23101-

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Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

Many years ago, in 2021, The Silent Why podcast launched with one specific last question it wanted to ask all its 101 loss guests - What's your Herman?

Since then, it's been an exciting journey collecting Hermans (answers to this question). However, this year, in January 2024, I launched The Herman Company and all of a sudden (after a year of hard work!) Hermans became a real thing.

So, how and why did all this come about exactly? Well, that's what this episode is going to tell you.
 
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/thestoryofherman

If you're new to the podcast and have no idea what a Herman is at all, then you might want to listen to/read this (super short) episode first:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b7bd2bc/whats-your-herman
(you can also search on your podcast player for 'What's your Herman?')

This episode is about filling you in on how we got from just a question about Hermans to the real, live, little fellas being out in the world. It's the story of Herman.

To find out more about Hermans: https://www.thehermancompany.com

To buy a Herman: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/product-page/herman

To listen to our guest's Hermans you can listen to any of our 101 loss episodes:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses

Or check out our Hermontage episodes where every now and then we put them all together:
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7b969faa/blog-my-why-hermontage
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/79337336/blog-my-why-hermontage-ii

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#096. It's not just Christmas that can be a tough, heading into a New Year can be tricky too. And this year, even though we were very intentional about navigating a childless Christmas (and it went well), we hit New Year and for some reason the wheels fell off the apple cart!

We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan (that's mostly Claire).

We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to some of the popular family times of the year, and so we understand those that aren't fully engaging with the excitement of another year ahead.

In this episode we discuss together (for the first time since New Year) why we thought our New Year's Eve might have been a bit of a disappointment - and you get to listen in with us 😉. We also talk about how Christmas went, and introduce you to something very exciting that was launched by The Silent Why yesterday (8 Jan 2024)!

Yes, Hermans are now a real, physical thing, and they are available to pre-order (at a special price for this week only) from the website: www.thehermancompany.com. More on this in the episode but also on our social media (links below).

Pre-order your Herman now: www.thehermancompany.com

Pre-order 'Praying Through Infertility' (as mentioned in episode): https://sheridanvoysey.com/prayingthroughinfertility/

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

Sometimes our hope feels particularly weak or unstable as we head into a new year, especially if we've have a hard year behind us, or face a tough one ahead.
 
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope

So because New Year isn't easy for everyone in 2021 I gathered together 10+1 Knows (taken from the Herman's our guests have shared on the podcast), to help you find something to hang your hope onto as the clock strikes midnight. And because we need hope every year I thought I'd share them again as we head into 2024.

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#095. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?

Welcome to the fifth small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year.

Hopelet 5 is all about cherishing our hope and why it's worth even bothering to invest our time, and heart, in hope at all.

On our social media hand illustrations this one gets the thumbs up. Literally.

These are the two YouTube video's I mention in the episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PluaPvhkIMU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLFEvHWD_NE

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#094. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?

Welcome to the forth small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year. 

Hopelet 4 explores how our hopes don't just guide us, but other people as well.
Plus, we invited Winston Churchill into the studio to read one of his quotes for us 😉.

And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them. 

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.

#093. We all need hope, but where's yours at right now?

Welcome to the third small burst of hope, a hopelet if you will, from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why). This year I'm providing hopelets every day between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve 2023, to help you find/mend/replace/fix your hope.

This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to find hope through all kinds of grief, and at all times of year. 

Hopelet 3 explores the blessings and the danger of having high hopes. 

And because you can literally count all the hopelets on one hand, I've illustrated them all on social media for you. Check out the links below to see them. 

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thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Support the show through buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy or by buying a Herman: thehermancompany.com

What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/herman

Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter

How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving

Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods

Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com

Thank you for listening.