Limited Appeal - Uncle Margery's Well-Armed Finns

We hope you will enjoy listening to this episode! Back in the day, I guess. Nope, that doesn't really work, does it? T-Bone heard somewhere that birds can regenerate damaged hearing. It's not clear if we're talking about birds from rock concerts or those near other loud birds. But whatever the cause, it's quite cool they might give us clues for regenerative human hearing! Whether this leads to infinite numbers of heads remains unclear. If you think there's a topological difference between a water cup and a flatworm, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We have a new contest! This is "Who's That Bird: Celebrity Edition", in which Warren will play the sound of a celebrity and the rest of us need to guess who it is. The celebrity is probably not a bird, and may not even be making bird noises, but you'll have to listen to be sure. Warren patiently explains this multiple times, and even so we're not very sure how this works. Spoiler alert: do you know your celebrity entomologists? Or is this a clever diversion to throw you off the piste? Ha! Haha. If you are Hoss and have started listening again after a few years, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

In part 2 of our name 5 things series, we make slightly more progress in finding possible animal opponents that a human might be able to take on in a fight, assuming the opponent is human-sized. As noted in part 1, the question is fraught with complexity. You have to fight the organism in its own habitat, but you may be allowed time to put on boots. Despite these constraints, we do come up with a short list of candidates. Without basking too much in this achievement, we then move on to consider which animal might win the battle royale of human-sized animals. Here again, there is some unexpected complexity to unpack, including the context-specific nature of fighting ability depending on one's opponent. We consider the importance of keeping your mouth closed, exploiting your hooves, protecting your neck, and discounting your horns. If you have any suggestions for contestants we have ignored, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

After a whole episode of buildup (see Holy Straw, Batman), Warren finally gets the chance to introduce his new topic: name 5 animals, that if they were human-sized, you think you could take them. The rules of this strange fight club have you fighting in the organism's own habitat, so there are no freebies against whales even if you have three pillows and two buddies. We spend a lot of time considering the potential weakness of a long neck, and whether and how that might be counterbalanced by a good knockout punch. We also discuss the virtues of roundedness and beaklessness, and the futility of weapons design for ungulates. But we may not have come up with 5 satisfying exemplars, so there may be a part 2 someday. If you want to make any suggestions for that unlikely second chapter, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Warren has a perfect comeback topic to get back into the swing of things after a long hiatus, but first a warm-up question: how many holes does a straw have? Are you sure? What about a donut? What about a person? As usual – wait, can we say as usual when we record every year or so? Yeah, whatever, as usual, we do a bit of rambling while counting holes, and our conversation veers through considerations of semantics, anatomy, topology, cloacas, and explosive hydrostatic penises. If you want to opine on the proper criteria for a comparative biology pee and poo contest, or want to complain about the fact that we never actually get around to Warren's perfect question, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Ballpark Talk is back, due to its overwhelming previous success! Snorkelling vs. being a peeping tom. Same ballpark? Perspective matters here: who is peeping on whom? Warren makes a compelling case that some situations involve teammates. It probably makes sense, maybe? I don't know. We somehow end up discussing whether curtains should maybe be on the outside of the house. Is it defensible to be a shy snorkeler? How about at a public pool? Let us know what you think about underwater viewing in any context by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Normally, podcasts will edit out the part of a recording where the hosts decide what to do. But we roll a different way from normal podcasts, so you get a short and not terribly interesting behind-the-scenes look at Warren introducing the possibilities. Anyway, we start a new version of the 'Who's that bird?' contest, but in this case Warren will name a bird and describe it, and its circumstances, and the rest of us need to attempt to produce the sound that Warren is describing. Warren will then subjectively (or by consensus) judge whose bird call is closest to the real one. You can play along at home, but since we can't hear you, you can't win. You'll have to judge for yourself whether your call is close to the mark. If you want to send us your call, you can do that, I suppose. Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We accidentally create a new segment to start this episode because we got caught up in whether our DJ was dead or his estate needed to spin the tunes. What is an estate? Do you need to have anything? What if you're dead? Does real estate imply you have an estate? What if the teddybear you get buried with was bequeathed to someone else? What if none of this is interesting to anyone at all? Hmph. On a related note, if someone says your singing voice is very distinctive, is that a compliment? How would you note sarcasm in your written compliment, if you wanted to? Or if you were quoting someone else's sarcastic comment? And wanted to do so sarcastically? How BM£ interesting. Finally, how many chests does a centaur have? We discuss the internal anatomical implications of having an extra chest, and it's as $%^ fascinating as you might expect? If you want to engage with us about any of this for some reason, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

We have a new segment, called "Ballpark Talk", in which the premise is to decide whether two things are in the same ballpark or different ones. Today's inaugural topic: cannibalism versus eating a pet. As usual, we explore many of the philosophical nuances here. What if it's a pet you know, versus a person you don't? What if the person died accidentally and humourously in a food preparation context? What if it's a person who is a pet? Does the relative deliciousness matter? We do not want to hear from anyone who has actually considered eating a person. Anyone else, though, can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Spotify wants us to have a trailer, so here you go. This is a shortened episode featuring a brand new segment, called "Ballpark Talk", in which the premise is to decide whether two things are in the same ballpark or different ones. Today's inaugural topic: cannibalism versus eating a pet. Enjoy! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.