Living an Intentional Life with Hospice Chaplian Jeff Hopper

Meloney, a first-generation BVI islander from Tortola in the Caribbean, shares her unique cultural background, heavily influenced by her Jamaican roots. She highlights the diverse religious and cultural landscape of Jamaica, including the presence of various ethnicities and religions. Despite being predominantly Christian, Jamaican culture is a fusion of different beliefs and practices.

She delves into the intersection of Christianity and African spirituality in her upbringing, emphasizing the blend of Christian teachings with African rituals like Obia or Voodoo. Meloney recounts her experiences with death, particularly the tradition of "nine nights" celebrations before funerals, where families gather to honor the deceased with food, music, and storytelling, turning grief into a celebration of life.

Reflecting on encounters with spirits, Meloney shares anecdotes from her life, including sightings of black bats symbolizing departed spirits and eerie experiences in church. She discusses the significance of facing mortality and the fear of unfinished business, drawing from personal struggles and losses in her journey toward mental health advocacy.

Meloney candidly discusses her battle with bipolar disorder and the impact of witnessing classmates' suicides. These experiences prompted her to create a safe space through her blog, "The Between and the Rocks," where she promotes mental health awareness and offers support to others facing similar challenges. Additionally, Meloney is a serial entrepreneur and a devoted mother, cherishing her role as a parent despite past traumas like miscarriages and the loss of her child's father.

In the face of grief and loss, Meloney finds solace in memories and acknowledges the bittersweetness of remembrance. She concludes by emphasizing the importance of embracing life's uncertainties and cherishing every moment, guided by the understanding that while death is inevitable, the way we choose to live is within our control.

Blog: www.dopamineontherocks.com 

Facebook.com/dopamineontherocks

Instagram.com/dopamineontherocks

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Dr. Kim Harms has encountered numerous challenges throughout her 67 years. She endured the tragic losses of her mother, son, and husband, all to different circumstances. These losses prompted her to delve into the topic of death, exploring how individuals manage it and the impact it has on their lives.

In her reflections, Kim highlights the unexpected nature of grief, especially when it comes to losing a child. She emphasizes the importance of confronting grief head-on and not allowing it to consume one's life. Kim observes societal attitudes toward death, noting a prevalent sense of control and avoidance, particularly in Western culture.

Through her experiences and observations, Kim advocates for embracing life with joy, even in the face of grief. She stresses the significance of cherishing moments with loved ones and fostering connections. Kim shares insights from her journey of healing and encourages others to navigate their grief with resilience.

In her book, Kim explores the concept of legacy, emphasizing the impact of everyday interactions on shaping one's legacy. She delves into discussions about death and dying, challenging common fears and misconceptions. Drawing from diverse perspectives, she encourages open dialogue about the end of life and practical preparations for it.

Kim shares personal anecdotes, including her husband's peaceful passing and her son's impactful funeral, which brought communities together in support. She discusses forgiveness and reconciliation as essential aspects of coping with loss and fostering healing.

Ultimately, Kim's message is one of hope and empowerment, urging individuals to confront their mortality with courage and preparation. Her book serves as a guide for navigating the complexities of grief and preparing for the inevitable, offering practical advice and heartfelt reflections.

https://www.drkimberlyharms.com/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHG23HD5

drkim@pinelakelawfirm.com

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast.

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

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Isabel Knight, also known as The Death Designer, operates a unique business focused on end-of-life planning. She employs principles of human-centered design to assist individuals in navigating the complexities of death care. This approach involves co-creating systems and products with users to ensure they meet their needs effectively. 

Isabel emphasizes the importance of making death care more human-centered, aiming to alleviate the stress and confusion often associated with the process. She guides people in obtaining death certificates, understanding funeral options, and initiating difficult conversations about end-of-life preferences.

Isabel acknowledges that her clientele extends beyond those planning for themselves to include caregivers and family members of terminally ill individuals. She observes a cultural reluctance to engage in discussions about death, which she attributes to societal attitudes toward self-worth and aging. Isabel challenges these perceptions, advocating for the celebration of individuals' lives and the recognition of caregiving as a reciprocal act.

In addition to her consultations, Isabel advocates for more sustainable and inclusive practices within the death care industry. She discusses alternative methods of disposition, such as water cremation and natural organic reduction, which offer environmentally friendly alternatives to traditional burial and cremation. Isabel also addresses the need for greater inclusivity in death care, particularly for marginalized communities like the polyamorous and non-monogamous.

Through workshops and collaborative initiatives, Isabel facilitates discussions among diverse groups to identify gaps and biases in existing death care systems. By centering the experiences of vulnerable populations, she aims to create resources that benefit everyone. Isabel emphasizes the collective wisdom of communities in shaping more equitable and compassionate approaches to death care.

https://www.open-love.org/end-of-life-planning

https://www.thedeathdesigner.com/

https://www.instagram.com/thedeathdesigner/

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast.

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

You can connect with me on my website, as well as all major social media platforms.

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Jen Henry was born and raised in Riverside, California, where she still resides. Her mission, which she refers to as lifestyle recovery, stems from her upbringing as an only child, where everything was handed to her without understanding the value of need or want. Despite having both parents, she felt disconnected and misunderstood, with her emotional intensity often overwhelming those around her.

Tragedy struck early in Jen's life with the loss of numerous family members and friends, leading her to question the purpose of life and indulge in reckless behaviors, including drug use. Despite her intelligence and early academic prowess, she found herself bored and disconnected in school, eventually succumbing to substance abuse by her teenage years.

Jen's descent into addiction led to a cycle of arrests and incarcerations, which she initially saw as a form of salvation but ultimately realized worsened her situation. Despite attempts at rehabilitation through programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, she struggled with codependency and a lack of self-identity, leading to relapses and further turmoil.

Over the past 13 years, Jen has navigated the challenges of choosing life over addiction, grappling with existential questions and shifting her perspective on death. She acknowledges the support of her ancestors and believes in their continued presence, guiding her through life's struggles.

Despite skepticism from others, Jen's beliefs have propelled her to success, including financial stability, entrepreneurial ventures, and recognition as a bestselling author and motivational speaker. She urges others to focus on what they can control in life, rather than dwelling on external factors beyond their influence.

https://www.unleashingresilience.com

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

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Meet Iris Van Nespen, a Belgian emergency room physician turned life coach. She's on a mission to help women, and people in general, reclaim their joy and self-acceptance. Iris emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's own beauty, believing that it leads to a more fulfilling life and, ultimately, contributes to world peace.

Iris delves into the challenge of judgment, both self-judgment and judging others. Drawing from her experience in the emergency room, she emphasizes the need for compassion, especially for patients. Her self-discovery and awareness journey have led her to a more compassionate approach, influencing those around her to do the same.

Reflecting on the healthcare system, Iris sheds light on the paradox doctors face—being overworked, lacking psychological training, and losing a sense of self. She shares a personal story about ignoring health concerns due to her dedication to work, emphasizing the importance of self-care for healthcare professionals.

Iris passionately advocates for a shift towards understanding the reasons behind people's behaviors rather than passing judgment. She touches on the disconnect from nature and the profound impact it has on mental health. Iris encourages reconnecting with the beauty of the planet and embracing our role as part of nature's cycle.

In a poignant moment, Iris shares her experience harvesting apples in France, underscoring the abundance of beauty in the world that often goes unnoticed. Her message resonates with the essence of being present, appreciating life's moments, and acknowledging our interconnectedness with the planet.

Iris van Nispen's journey, from emergency room physician to life coach, highlights the transformative power of self-awareness and compassion. Her insights provide a roadmap for listeners to reclaim joy, foster understanding, and contribute to a more harmonious world.

https://linktr.ee/reclaimyoursparkle

https://www.facebook.com/irisvannespen

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My guest this week is Deborah Grassman and for 30 years, she served as a hospice nurse practitioner within the Department of Veterans Affairs. While trained as a psychiatric nurse practitioner, her focus shifted towards hospice care, where she unearthed a unique revelation about trauma's transformation at life's end, an aspect not formally identified before.

In her discussions, she shed light on the distinct challenges veterans faced during their end-of-life reflections, often linked to military service, moral injuries, and life reviews.

Veterans exhibited unique needs, and her observations prompted the Hospice Veteran Partnership, later adopted by NHPCO. Her journey accelerated into webinars, films, books, and nationwide training, emphasizing veterans' distinctive end-of-life experiences.

She founded a non-profit, Opus Peace, addressing unexplored aspects of trauma at life's end. Veterans expressed not only PTSD but also a deeper soul injury, feeling lost or disconnected. Recognizing a pattern, she termed it a "soul injury," a wound separating individuals from their authentic selves.

Stoic facades often crumbled at life's end, revealing three impediments: unwarned loss and hurt, unforgiven guilt and shame, and fear of helplessness and loss of control. Recognizing these, her mission became helping people heal their relationship with themselves.

Opus Peace, her non-profit, aimed to propagate the soul injury message, offering tools and concepts. Two books, "Peace at Last" (focused on veterans) and "The Hero Within," focused on healing one's internal hero, could be accessed on their website.

Opus Peace conducted four-day virtual training sessions, providing resources for workshops on soul injury. Online courses, titled "MasterPEACE," covered various topics and holistic tools, making education accessible. Donations were encouraged to support their pioneering work.

https://opuspeace.org/

https://courses.opuspeace.org/

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

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Meet Brenda, a Londoner who, at 59, has dedicated most of her career to the charity sector, specifically working with Friends of the Earth, an environmental lobbying organization. Around four or five years ago, Brenda faced a challenging period at work, compounded by issues with her eye health and the onset of menopause. This stress took a toll on her physical health, leading to a month-long absence from work, during which she struggled to eat and experienced an undiagnosed illness.

Reflecting on this stressful time, Brenda and her husband now believe it was primarily stress-related. This experience served as a wake-up call, prompting Brenda to delve into self-development, counseling, and coaching sessions provided by her workplace. Finding coaching immensely helpful, she decided to retrain as a coach and well-being trainer, specializing in mental health awareness, menopause awareness, and stress management.

Transitioning into her mid-fifties, Brenda embraced a new career path, focusing on one-on-one coaching sessions and workshops that empower individuals to plan for their future and approach menopause positively. She also emphasizes the diversity of experiences during menopause, acknowledging that each person is unique.

Brenda discusses her experiences with grief, having faced the loss of her parents,  highlighting the different dynamics of grieving for a mother versus a brother. She emphasizes the importance of dealing with grief in a thoughtful and resilient manner, drawing on the tools she has developed through her own stress management and mental health awareness work.

Having navigated grief personally, Brenda values open conversations about the universal human experience of loss. She recognizes the privilege of having had a strong relationship with her parents and aims to instill gratitude in her own children for the positive experiences they share as a family.

As Brenda approaches her 60th birthday, she reflects on the changing perspectives that come with age. Her newfound sense of purpose and the skills she has acquired allow her to view life with optimism and the belief that doors can open even in later stages. Brenda acknowledges the importance of discussing topics like grief openly and appreciates platforms like podcasts for providing valuable insights into the diverse ways people cope with life's challenges.

https://stresslesscoach.co.uk/

https://www.instagram.com/thestresslesscoach/

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

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In the 1970s, Elizabeth Kubler Ross and Dame Cicely Saunders revolutionized our approach to death. While Kubler Ross emphasized the neglect of the dying in America, Saunders proposed a novel philosophy with her Hospice program. The focus shifted from mere medical treatment to a holistic approach of embracing life during the dying process.

Our guest, Barbara Karnes,  a registered nurse, embarked on her hospice journey driven by Saunders' vision. Inspired by the idea of creating a space for living, Barbara started volunteering for hospice.  The original essence of hospice, existing outside the medical model, has been gradually absorbed, and Barbara sees the emergence of end-of-life doulas as a refreshing return to that independent, compassionate approach.

She envisions a future where end-of-life doulas integrate into the hospice model, providing the crucial gift of time that medical professionals often lack. Barbara emphasizes the importance of educating communities about the distinctive role of doulas, urging them to connect with churches, senior citizen communities, and nursing facilities.

The conversation delves into the societal perception of death as a medical emergency and the reluctance to let go. Barbara advocates for a shift in mindset, facilitated through community education and open dialogue about death. She believes that normalizing death will lead to a more balanced approach to living.

Reflecting on historical shifts in how death is handled, Barbara notes a cyclical pattern. From deaths at home to hospital settings and now a return to a preference for dying at home, education plays a crucial role in shaping societal attitudes. She encourages parents to discuss death openly with their children, contributing to a more informed and accepting future.

Barbara's philosophy underscores life as a continual learning process, emphasizing the importance of expressing love regularly. Drawing parallels between life's tightrope walk and our attempts to balance experiences, she stresses the significance of never leaving words unspoken. In the realm of end-of-life care, expressing love becomes a profound and essential practice, echoing the fundamental truth that life is, indeed, a school of learning.

https://bkbooks.com/ for all of Barbara's books and resources

https://www.instagram.com/barbarakarnesrn/

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My guests today are Kathleen McGee, Elder Care Coordinator and Director of Care Coordination at Rothkoff Law Group and Chelsea Duckers, one of the care coordinators at Rothkoff Law Group.

In an ideal world, we'd all proactively plan for future challenges, especially as our needs change with age. Reality often sees us facing issues reactively. Rothkoff clients range from those in good health to those in crisis, spanning the entire spectrum. From recognizing fall risks and home modifications for the healthy and independent, to navigating hospital stays and acute healthcare changes for those in crisis, our care coordination steps in at every stage.

Since the pandemic, they have noticed a positive shift. More people are coming in earlier, expressing a desire to plan ahead rather than waiting for a crisis. The uncertainty and fear during the pandemic have normalized conversations around death, prompting earlier considerations for end-of-life planning.

The pandemic served as a stark reminder that unexpected health challenges can happen at any age. While discussing death remains a societal taboo, the pandemic forced us to confront the idea, challenging us to be a part of our own conversations and make our wishes known. It emphasized the importance of early planning to avoid emotional decision-making during crises.

There is a cultural discomfort with openly discussing death, a discomfort that Rothkoff Law Group aims to alleviate through education around death. Kathleen and Chelsea encourage families to select agents confidently and have conversations with loved ones to avoid the shock of discovering unspoken wishes during times of crisis.

While we understand the societal aversion to discussing death, embracing these conversations can lead to a healthier relationship with the idea of mortality. Creating a dialogue around death can have a profound impact on living more present and fulfilling lives. It's an ongoing journey towards breaking the stigma and embracing the inevitability of death with grace and preparedness.

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In this episode, my guest is Narinder Bazen, founder of the Nine Keys Death Midwifery Apprenticeship.

In her twenties as a Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher, Narinder found herself officiating weddings, blessing babies, and attending deaths within her community. Embracing her mystic roots, she began offering death care, grief care, and trauma care. 

Our discussion evolves into the challenges of death work in a society that often views it as women's work, carried out freely without adequate support or compensation.

We talk about the current state of holistic death care and Narinder raises concerns about their sustainability, noting a lack of real support and financial viability. There is a need for a fundamental shift in the narrative around death work. 

Narinder advocates for acknowledging the financial realities, addressing systemic pressures, and ensuring that death workers can find sustainability in their vital roles emphasizing the urgency to reevaluate and rework the systems for a more effective and sustainable future.

https://www.narinderbazen.com/ 

https://www.instagram.com/narinder.bazen.death.life

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Subscribe to Seeing Death Clearly and leave a 5-star review if you are enjoying the podcast.

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Don’t forget to check out my free workbook Living a Better Life.

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