Long Term Relationships And Sex

There’s cleaning and then there’s CLEANING!

Everyone knows that I love a clean, tidy, aesthetically pleasing home. And the ones closest to me know when I’m cleaning because the house needs it, or when I clean because I need it.

Cleaning for me became a coping strategy when I was younger. There was a hidden memory jammed up inside me that was causing disturbance. I didn’t have conscious access yet to the memory but my body did. Waves of emotion would surge and the only way I knew to get rid of it in order to cope was to clean.

I rearranged my room, wardrobe, books, underwear, strip my sheets and all the rest to bring some kind of order back into the world. “Ahhhhh, now it’s right”, was the thought and feeling. But of course, it didn’t last long.

Now knowing this locked up memory, I used cleaning and still do at times to this day, as a way to gain control of reality. To make it right in my mind because my insides are having some sort of conniption. I try not to judge myself or tell myself I’m a failure at not fully healing this coping mechanism. The way I approach it now is by asking myself, “am I cleaning the house because the now needs to be cleaned, or am I cleaning the house because something in me feels out of control?”

This means I’m aware of what I’m doing, why I’m doing it and whilst I clean to gain control, I enquire, get curious and talk to the part of me inside that needs acknowledgement, love, care.

Always, a work in progress.

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I have to give thanks to Brene Brown for giving me the terminology for FFTs - first fucking time. Those experiences or situations you're in where it's new territory, new landscape and you're in pits of "what the fuck do I do here?"

It could be your FFT on a date after getting divorced, starting a podcast, having sex with a woman after being in a heterosexual relationship, writing a book, becoming a parent - basically anything for the first-fucking-time.

The stories in your head are loud. Your body isn't at ease or familiar with what is going on. There is no muscle memory of how to do this because, you've never done it before. And so, the limiting beliefs come up. The annoyances, frustrations, irritability and TO HELL WITH THIS rises.

Well, if you're there, then listen here, for how to manage yourself in an FFT.

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When I was at my lowest, even doing something for three minutes felt almost impossible. Almost. But even at my worst, I could do something good for three minutes. Three minutes of anything that could get me out of my most negative thoughts, that could break my stuckness. To this day, whenever I’m feeling out of sorts and disconnected with my true self, I take a moment. I consciously redirect my attention to doing something that I know can help me regroup. All it takes is three good minutes.

Three good minutes of standing with your feet on the grass, eyes closed, hands on your heart.

Three good minutes of listening to a song that takes you straight ‘home’, standing, swaying, feeling. 

Three good minutes of sitting on a park bench, watching the world go by, listening to the birds, the trees, life. 

Three good minutes of finding the suns light in your home, standing in it and letting it drench your face. 

Three good minutes of your feet in a body of water – the ocean, a creek, a puddle. 

Not every one of these needs to be done everyday, it’s more a matter of choosing three good minutes in your day to do something that brings you home. That gives you that feeling of, Ahh, there I am. Three good minutes where you find yourself, say hi to yourself and feel good that you’re still there. Because three good minutes a day is better than no minutes a day. It’s better than nothing, isn’t it? It may seem small and insignificant, but in practice, it’s the small and insignificant done consistently that makes the big, significant shifts.

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Our wedding was 100% us. There was nothing about it that catered to who we thought we had to be, what vows we thought we had to write, who we thought we had to invite, what food and drinks we thought we should get, what we thought we had to wear, what photos we thought we should get and all the rest. Everything about it was us, which is why it was so damn magical.

The brief was - we want this to be an extension of us. Fun, casual, relaxed and epic vibes. And the day delivered it in spades. The amount of times we heard, "this wedding is so you guys", "your wedding is so real and authentic from the ceremony, vows, speeches, the lot", "this day is how all weddings ought to be", was endless. And we felt it too.

Today we share about our day, our highlights, why it was a blessing to wait to get married now instead of 2020 and how important it is to stay true to your real and genuine self when it comes to big days like these.

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I’ve done my best to keep this under wraps since April 2022 and now I can let the Penguin out of the bag! It’s with a big beating heart that I can now share openly that I’m writing my first book with @penguinbooksaus 🐧.

When I received an email from them wanting to chat about the possibility of writing a book, I thought I was being scammed (lol), like for real. But it was indeed legit and I’m so stoked to fulfil this calling of writing books and sharing my heart with you all.

August 18th is when she comes out into the world with pre orders coming soon. 
It's been and still is a process that has asked a lot of me, and I am loving every moment of it. 

This is a ripper story. My beautiful client and now friend, KG, left love off her intention setting because she thought it'd never happen. She didn't want to feel the pain of it never coming true if she had it on her vision board, so, she left it off to not feel or address the wounds that were sitting underneath it all.

When I said to her, "is love and a relationship important to you?", she said, "Kat fucking John, GO AWAY!" And so, we went to work on what stories were in her head, what situations took place when she was younger and what she made that mean about her and love.

You'll love this epic episode with a very happy ending. But kudos to KG, she put in the hard yards and the "why the fuck am I doing this' work to call in real love.

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In this month's episode of us sharing insights into our relationship, we reflect and share how not-so-good we have been in the past six weeks, how at times we've been hanging on by a thread questioning our relationship, using some tools to 'get us by' and avoiding the real hard chats we needed to have.

Yeah, relationships are real, aren't they?

When two people are truly in love yet stuck in ego-town, it's vital to know the work and do the work to not give up on the work and  reconnect to the end result of their relationship. We also share our personal experiences and vulnerabilities, making it uber clear that we are human and shit the bed at times when it comes to our relationship. The tools and back to basics is where it's at.

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Imagine that somewhere in your future there is a you who is grounded in who they are, knows who they are, connected to their intuition and true self, and who is so goddamn real and genuine that they ooze that special something.

Imagine how free and liberated that version of you must be to feel that way and how ace they are at navigating their own mind, ego trip wires and patterned responses. How cool must it be for them that they get to choose how they want to be rather than be who they think they have to be? 

Imagine if you never met them. Imagine if you never game them the chance to go out into the world and play, meet people, call in opportunities and dance with life from that place. That would be soul crushing. 

In today's episode I get real about the true impact of behaviours such as people-pleasing and overgiving, shedding light on the fine line between kindness from a place of self-respect and seeking external validation. We'll go into the personas we often wear and the tricky dance with our ego, any why authenticity is so damn important. 

Tune in as I share insights on doing the inner work necessary for your future self to have a chance of being alive in your life! This episode is your invitation to embrace your authentic self and discover the inner freedom that comes with it. 

Alrighty, first episode back for 2024! Let's go!
In this episode, I share what my theme for this year is and how I landed at it. From what it started out to be (receive), shifted to (abundance) and where it landed (plentiful), I also share what next best steps I am taking. You know, the little itty bitty ones that you think don't matter, but they really (really) do,  and the importance of being devoted to the itty-bitty-steps and being unwavering in that devotion.

Listen up for a cracking start to the year and if you want to go deep into it, put a journal pen by your side, sign up for the 90 minute session because it's solid. Everyone who has done it have been gobsmacked and in tears and have found it really beneficial for setting up their year. So highly encourage it if you feel called to do so.

The big one to sign up for is the ZEROFKS program. I'll have a number of enrolments throughout the year. But holy shit, there is a section in module two. I can't give it away, but fuck, I wish I could. I just want to show you already. I just want to show it to you and be like, there it is. There it is, go and do it.

Oh, I was uploading the content and I was crying. It's something, it's really something special, powerful, potent. For those of you who are truly wanting to give less fucks this year to areas that don't serve you, to liberate yourself, if you want to feel lighter, more free, more clear, more grounded, unwavered, confident, all of those fucking sick ass words, then yeah, I really do hope that you join me for this. It's a six month coaching container. So when you sign up, you've got six months with me, we've got six live monthly calls together, and within that six month period, there are three major modules for you to work through. And each of those modules are so beautifully paced. 

The word and theme I worked and danced with this year was, "natures way", placing greater trust and faith in the great force and allowing it to crack me open where necessary.

In previous years I had hopes for the word and theme I set, often having in mind what I wanted it to do for me. But what I found was that it worked its way into other areas of my life that I'd left unattended and didn't give much attention to. So this year, I said, "you do what you gotta do and what is necessary for me to open my eyes and heart".

Today's episode shares those crackings, openings and widenings whilst sharing a few unexpected tears and breakthroughs mid episode.

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Here's the meditation to reflect upon the year.