Office of the General Counsel Episode 13 - On His Majesty's Secret Snoozefest

Attorney Edward A. Coleman, Esq. kicks the show off in a glum manner. He thanks the listeners for listening and recounts his abduction for sympathy. Ed bores producer Ken Lucas with the details of his illness. We cut to the Guess My Middle Name contest and announce Don Becker as the winner. Congrats Don! We will contact you shortly about your prizes. Ed reads some hate mail and then proclaims that he is so down that he didn’t schedule a guest. Ken offers to bring in a special friend to help cheer Ed up and then we hear another excerpt from Strunk & White. Ed answers another Ask An Attorney question by mega-fan David Shimomura and then we hear a word from our sponsor, Fun Laboratories. We return from our break with our special guest, Head of the Motivational and Emotional Empathy Department, John ‘Hambone’ McGuire. Hambone comes forth and whips Ed into shape with his fiery words. Ed is rejuvenated and Hambone graces us with his slogan, “Lead with your dick and follow your heart”. Ed tries to close the show and Hambone shares his 3 rules with us. Check out Hambone with George Koroneos on their weekly podcast, Mai Tai Happy Hour. http://cultofgeorge.com/category/mai-tai-t-v/ and follow Hambone on twitter @hambreaker https://twitter.com/hambreaker Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Attorney Edward A. Coleman, Esq. kicks the show off with a slightly defeated attitude. He claims he’s a bit down in the dumps but is trying to fight his way out of it. He’s still reeling from the effects of his abduction. Podcast producer Ken Lucas disproves Ed’s claims. Ken also brings up Ed’s novel. Ed chats about the conspiracy theory against him and announces his list of perpetrators that includes Unwinnable’s favorite son, Ted Goldman. Suddenly EIC Stu Horvath shows up and warns Ed to drop his investigation into Unwinnable, Inc and then we take a break. After we hear a word from our sponsor, Snazzy Seconds, we join Ed and Ken as they head through sub-basement 3 to find Ed’s informant, Gruncle. After a series of extreme questions, Ed is not sure he's received the answers he is looking for. The show ends on a blank note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts the show with a rundown of events that led to his supposed abduction. Producer Ken Lucas disagrees. Ed then explains every detail of his harrowing experience. We find out that Ed fell into the Gowanus Canal and is plagued with a toxic virus. Ian stops in to hang out and imbue Ed with positive vibes. Out of nowhere, Ed accuses Ted Goldman of being the mole. Ed replies to tweets regarding the “Guess My Middle Name?” and “Ask an Attorney” segments and then we hear a word from this week’s sponsor, DAT. After the break, we are joined by our guest, Human Resources Director, Janet Jort. After an aggressive back and forth between Janet and Ed, we end the show on an inappropriate note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts the show in a speedy manner. Ed talks about his approach to hiring and announces the winner of the Lego contest. Ed gushes over prime numbers and producer Ken Lucas seems bored. Ken leaves to make himself a drink at the juicer and Ed secretly talks about his novel. Ken catches Ed off-guard and then we hear from our sponsor, Don’s Dog Walking Service. After the break, we are joined by legal applicant Thatch Skippling. We endure an uneasy interview that takes a left turn as Thatch speaks of his underworld experience. Thatch eventually forces Ed into some felonious activities and they disappear into the night. The show ends on a cryptic note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts alone. He is interrupted by the ramblings of boss Stu Horvath, producer Ken Lucas and Co-Attorney Ted Goldman. We find out the Ed sent Ted on a wild goose chase and then we move into parkour. Ed answers some law questions and the we play a game of Probable Cause or Reasonable Suspicion. The guys give a shout out to Stanley Spiemer and then we hear from our sponsor, Bespoke Liquorice. After the break, we hear about Ed’s cases and then we end the show on a frustrating note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts the show thanking everyone. He talks briefly about his Corporate Casual gig and returns to the RICO investigation. Ed also issues an apology to the Department of Maniacs. Ed mentions our guest to producer Ken Lucas and receives a response he was not expecting to hear and then we take a break. After the break we are joined by Unwinnable sketch artist, Dave Trainer. Dave talks about his day to day operations at Unwinnable, Inc and his love of mini CDs and art. We are visited by EIC Stu Horvath and have a fun conversation. Dave talks about his drawing of Stu and then we end the show on an organic note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts the show awkwardly. Producer Ken Lucas is excited to use the new juicer courtesy of Ted Goldman. We learn that Stanley Spiemer has accepted the open position on the Board of Directors and that EIC Stu Horvath is living the dream. Ed found a way to get gigs for his office band Corporate Casual and then Ed apologizes to the Department of Maniacs. After Ed loses it, we take a break. After the break we welcome our guest, Bortrix Jackman, from the Department of Coding and Transcription. We found out that coding is just math and Bortrix works closely with R&D. After a chill discussion we end the show on a high note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. starts the show with a lullaby to his grandmother. Ed prods producer Ken Lucas about his mood and is excited to interview for the Board of Directors position. Ed is also looking for applications for the Unwinnable legal department. Ed talks about dismantling departments and then we take a break. After the break, Ken calls Ted Stacey to the office so Ed can apologize for being rude. Ed then welcomes guest Stanley Spiemer from Executive Development and Recruiting. Stanley hails from Germany and educates Ed about the proper pronunciation of Munich. Stanley has Ed look into his “Lens of Truth” and Ed fails to see the truth. Stanley lays down on our Craftmatic® adjustable bed courtesy of Ken’s Showcase Showdown and we end the show on an anxious note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Edward A. Coleman, Esq. kicks the show off with a soothing proclamation of success. Ed informs us that he’s finally read his contract and is already looking to exploit it. He also now has access to the archives. Shhhh. Podcast Producer Ken Lucas talks about the office Halloween party and then we take a break. After the break we interview Tront Silvio of Statistics & Testing. Tront begins the show with his Chinese food order. Tront talks about the tools of the trade and some of the things they test. Ed questions Tront about the Board of Directors position and they talk about The Cave. After amending the food order we end the show on a tense note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f

Welcome to a brand new Office of the General Counsel featuring Ted A. Goldman, Esq. Ted is a longtime employee of Unwinnable, Inc. and is our new host! Ted begins the show by addressing colleague and producer Ken Lucas. Ken is in complete shock as he joyfully welcomes Ted. Suddenly, former OotGC host Edward A. Coleman, Esq. bursts into the room and demands and explanation. Ed summons Stu and questions him about Ted Goldman and then we take a break. After the break we are joined by Frank Smirch from Research and Development. Frank reviews the chair they built for Ed so he can read his contract. Ed examines the chair and then gets in. We hear the beginnings of Ed’s journey. The show ends on a trippy note. Don’t forget to subscribe to Unwinnable Monthly, the best cultural criticism in your inbox every month. http://www.unwinnable.com/subscribe/ Email us at info@unwinnable.com Tweet questions for the “Ask An Attorney” and “What’s My Middle Name?” segment to Edward A. Coleman, Esq. @UnwinnableOotGC www.twitter.com/UnwinnableOotGC Follow the staff on Twitter Kenneth Lucas @Kursse www.twitter.com/kursse Stu Horvath @stuhorvath www.twiter.com/stuhorvath Music by Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-f