Emotions and Excellence: Why processing feelings is important for leadership
We often reach adulthood without ever being taught how to process our emotions. But an unprocessed emotion never goes away; it simply festers and grows.
Associate professor Maja Djikic joined the Executive Summary podcast to talk about how to identify if we're bad at processing our feelings, how we can get better at it, and what role organizations have in helping their leaders and teams understanding that skillset.
Show notes
[0:00] “A lot of discussion on managing emotions has to do with how to make emotions go away. Usually they're seen as something negative, something you don't want to have. This is why being called emotional seems like an insult.”
[0:48] Meet Maja Djikic, an associate professor at Rotman who studies adult development and authored the recently released book, The Possible Self.
[1:18] If there’s one thing she wants you to know about emotions, it’s that an unprocessed emotion never goes away.
[1:36] Emotions are tied to our goals, and when we ignore them, we might be missing out on important information that helps move our lives forward.
[2:05] What is an emotion?
[2:30] How are our emotions tied to our goals, and how does this present itself?
[2:53] Positive emotions reinforce that things are going well.
[3:10] Negative emotions might tell us something is wrong on our path to our goal. For example, fear might tell you that you’re afraid of getting fired, and that your relationships with colleagues have gone amiss.
[4:15] People are bad at processing and understanding their emotions.
[4:25] Some of this is evolutionary – our fight or flight instinct often kicks in when we have a strong emotion.
[5:07] Let’s sidebar to explain the difference between processing and expressing emotions.
[5:55] The other reason we’re bad at processing emotions is we’re likely never taught how.
[6:45] The first step in processing emotions is to recognize you’re bad at it and work to improve that skillset.
[7:16] The second step is to recognize you’re having a strong negative emotion and bring your pre-frontal cortex back online.
[8:34] Step three is to identify what you’re feeling and try and link it back to the goal you’re trying to achieve.
[10:11] Why does this matter for a workplace? Leaders who can’t process emotions create toxic environments.
[10:55] Learning to process feelings should be top-down.
[11:17] As a leader, how can you help your team better process their emotions?
[13:10] And when those around you can’t or won’t learn to process their emotions? “If you're in a situation where the leadership is not interested at all and processing there. So then that becomes a choice for you to stay or to leave. There’s all these people around me they're doing a lot of negative expression because they're not able to process. They don't seem to be interested in anything to do with processing in education. Okay, well, how long do I want to hang out here?