S8 EP7: THE JANUARY BLUES

This is our introduction show where we share a little bit about ourselves and what this podcast will be about. This podcast covers the topics of lifestyle, business, family, parenting, travel, mindfulness, design, minimalism, kids, creativity, art, and more.

We live in a society where social media is steering our subconscious. Driving us towards what we think we should be doing, and often that has nothing to do with what we want to be doing. Everyone on Instagram is playing at the beach because the thermometer has barely hit 65 (although it's only the beginning of March, and it should be snowing. You think, oh my god, I better get outside and enjoy this magnificent weather because, well, it may never come again. But in reality, you had a hectic week, you are exhausted, and you were looking forward to a fireplace and a book. So, turn up the air-conditioning, light a fire and get your darn book. Last I checked, you are in charge of your life.

In this episode, I am going to shed some light on the art and glory of saying no. Why does this have anything to do with meditation, you ask? Well, thanks for asking because it has heaps to do with it. And the answer comes from deep inside the most incredible work of art, which is you. However, this beautiful place seems to get often smothered underneath perhaps: lack of confidence, a desire to please, a fear of being judged, a need to be appreciated, a "Fear of Missing Out" (FOMO). 

By the end of this brief episode, you are going to want to run out the door and say no to everything that does not fit the blueprint of the life you want to create. And this my friend creates, JOMO. The "Joy of Missing Out."

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Hey there, Alexa Z here, and thank you for saying yes to listening to this podcast when you easily could have said no. And since it was easy, I ask that that you quickly hit subscribe to this to keep me going. Then at that time, a podcast drops; you will know about it and can easily say yes or no to listening! It's all up to you. No guilt!

How many times have you said yes to something and then lamented over why you said yes? So much so that you find yourself making up lies to get out of whatever you answered yes to and then living with the guilt of the lie. And 99% of the time, no one would care if you said no. 

Just as fears are something we learn, saying yes to everything can become a learned habit. We are programmed starting from when we are very young that NO is an inappropriate or rude answer. Eat your broccoli, NO, share your toys, NO. It just isn't the right answer. But saying yes to things when you wanted to say no can cause so much angst. Why bother?

Think of a time you said yes instead of no and asked yourself why? Then ask it a few more times.

For example, my friends want to go to a concert in NYC, and I said yes, but I wish I said no. 

• Why? Because I don't have enough money.
  • But you really don't want them to know that.
• Why? Because I don't make as much money as they do.
  • I don't want to be judged regarding my career choice.
• Why? Because I love my career, but they don't understand?
• Why? Because I feel like they will judge me.
• Why? Because all my life I have been judged, my mother always said I wasn't good enough. 

Do you see where I am going with this? There are things deep inside us that keep us from listening to what sometimes can be a straightforward question. My executive coach taught me this "Yum or Yuck?"

Sometimes it is that easy, and here is where meditation can help. 

Here is a true story:  Wanting to be more vulnerable. Talk about the guy who didn't want to go on the golf trip. Meditation made him feel, clear, confident, and nonreactive, and he said NO and was so happy. 

What about people who have restricted diets or maybe are on a diet? 

Did you ever hear the comedian John Mulaney do the bit on canceling plans? It goes something like this:

"It's so much easier not to do things than to do things. It's 100% easier not to do things and so much fun not to do things, especially when you were supposed to do them. 

In terms of instant relief canceling plans is like heroin - instant joy. 

Kids don't like that - they say awwwwww we didn't do anything all day. 

Did you ever as an adult what they did over the weekend, and they said they didn't do anything, and their face lights up!"

Although funny, this is pretty spot on. But it's hard. Meditation and mindfulness give us space to build our inner voice, our inner courage because it helps us be more comfortable being ourselves. For example, in a self-inquiry meditation, we ask ourselves a question such as "who am I" and be comfortable just sitting with the question without even answering it." We are building courage through listening to our inner wisdom and intuition. 

There is nothing more satisfying then saying exactly what we want to say without question and without worrying about the outcome. 

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

If you haven't read it or you haven't read it in years, please do! 

My personal meditation addition goes like this:

• Be impeccable with your word. Be true to yourself; you are worth it.
• Don't take anything personally. Do not judge or be judged
• Don't make assumptions. Be mindful that we are all humans with our own stories. Own yours, but don't makeup someone else's. 
• Always do your best. Start with this one, and the rest will follow. Use mindful actions to remind yourself always to do your best.

Use your daily practice to nourish yourself and be the very best you can be. A truthful, courageous and confident human.

Homework:

Say no once and see how it feels. 

Yum or Yuck? Give it a try. 

Slow down before you speak, listen to your inner wisdom. 

Ask yourself why you are saying yes and then ask again and maybe a third or fourth time.

With all the craziness in the world, especially now with the Corona Virus, remember to take time to care for yourself. Meditation helps increase your immune system and calm the nervous system. 

If you haven't started, why not join my next group of Tators in the class beginning on April 19th. And it's all done online, so no need to worry about infection. It's going to be fun, easy, and useful. 

Join me next week for another week of March Un-madness

Peace out tators

Summary

In today’s episode, with the help of Sarah McLean, the owner of the McLean Meditation Institute, my personal teacher, and a woman with an unusual and exciting background, we will demystify meditation.  There are so many brands and types of meditation out there; it can be downright confusing. The important thing is to understand a bit, not make it too hard, and, most importantly, do not delay your practice! Without practice, you are missing all the amazing benefits of meditation. 

Sarah’s joining us from Santa Barbara, California, and will tell you her journey to demystify meditation.  She will tell you tales of her time in the Army, in an ashram in India, and travels on a nine-month mountain bike trek through faraway lands. She will touch on many experiences from Transcendental Meditation, working with Deepak Chopra to ah-ha moments on a rooftop in Georgetown, DC. She did all the work, and we all benefit from her discoveries.

On last week’s show, we talked about three things to make your meditation a slam dunk: desire, focus, and a nonjudgmental attitude (which I learned long ago from Sarah herself.) This episode is perfect timing because Sarah will take those three things and go deeper as she unravels the mysteries of meditation.

My suggestion is to listen intently but listen gently, like the awareness of breath in meditation. You know you are breathing but get lost in the beauty of its simplicity. Do not control or change; just follow and enjoy.

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Podcast 

Hey there, Alexa Z here! I am so excited and a little nervous because I have Sarah McLean, my meditation teacher, on the line. She is kind enough to take time out of her busy schedule to help me, help you demystify meditation, specifically the different types/brands of meditation.  

I found Sarah after many years of meditating. I started meditating when I was 17 years old because I had terrible panic attacks. Meditation was a pill for me. I wish I could go back and start again; I would because now I know all the opportunities meditation has provided me, and I would have had a more consistent practice from the start. 

Alexa: I want to welcome Sarah! Again, I am a little nervous and excited. This will be a fun back and forth conversation. I am also a bit jealous because I know you are in Santa Barbara, California, and the weather is a lot nicer than the rain, drizzle, and cold here in Annapolis, Maryland.  

Sarah: Well, it is a bit like heaven on earth, sorry to make you jealous. Maybe we can practice Mudita, which is sympathetic joy, I hope you can feel happy for me, that I get to live in Santa Barbara after trying to convince my husband to move here for 17 years. It's great to be here, and Maryland is not too shabby. 

Alexa: No, it isn't, and knowing that I can visit and take more classes at your new meditation center with you in Santa Barbara, makes me super happy. So let's, get right into it. Let's demystify meditation. The reason why this came to mind is that my students, clients, and even strangers come to me and say they have been studying meditation but have not started their practice. Typically, they say they are waiting for a particular time in there life to begin meditating or that they need to continue to learn about meditation before starting a practice. Sarah, what do you think about all of this. Why is it so confusing?

Sarah: There are so many different types, categories of meditation 

• Uses
• Formal and informal
• Religious, historical origin
• Different names in other languages
• Brand new/Brand names

I'll share a little bit about my story and how I got into meditation. More importantly, how I realized I did not know anything about meditation.  

Alexa: Oh, that's perfect!

Sarah: When I was younger, I was in the military. I wanted to be a spy, but that didn't work out. I wanted to understand the mysteries of life. I did not become a spy; instead, I became a behavioral specialist; that's when I started to learn the mysteries of the mind. I worked with Soldiers who suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders (PTSD). Back then, we used medication versus meditation. Luckily for me, I was introduced to a body awareness practice. I was sitting outside of a psychiatric hospital, where, unfortunately, that's where many Soldiers who were really suffering would end up. Our whole platoon was sitting out on the lawn when one of the male nurses introduced me to a body scan. He had us all laydown, and he guided us from our head to our toes, allowing us to relax. It was only about 10 minutes. In the end, I realized that I worked with very stressed Soldiers, and I didn't even realize the amount of stress I was carrying. That moment planted a seed in me. After I got out of the Army, I looked into contemplative practices. I spent a lot of time exploring world traditions, looking for the secrets of life. I was on my mountain bike for about nine months and bicycled half-way around the world. I kept looking for the answers. I found it when I was sitting in my room in Georgetown, Washington, D.C. I was on the top of a three-story of a brownstone, learning to meditate using a silent mantra practice, through Transcendental Meditation (TM). Again, there was a contrast on how I felt before I learned, and after I silently repeated a mantra that I had no idea what it meant. It was another "ah-ha" moment.

A few months after that, I moved to a TM community. I answered the phones and discussed mind, body, health. I was working with Deepak Chopra, who, at the time, no one was familiar with. People were looking for alternative practices and alternative healing. Many people would seek our help because of health reasons such as chemotherapy didn't work, diagnosed with Parkinson's, or depressed. I would ask all who called, "do you meditate?" They would answer with, yes, while I am watching TV, driving to work, or in the shower. I would have to convince them all to learn to meditate because meditation was required to be in the TM community. In 1990, meditation was not a "buzz word." No one talked about mindfulness. People would come to the community, and I would teach them about meditation. Unfortunately, at the time, I thought there was only one way to meditate. Though I had that great experience with the body scan, I was still "drinking the kool-aid" on the brand name of TM. So even when someone told me they were Upasana, insight, or mindfulness, or a different type of meditation, I wouldn't give it much credit.  

Alexa: I have known you for a long time, and I have heard all your stories, but it is so fun to listen to it in order; it's starting to make so much sense to me. I have a lot of military people in this town, and a lot of military people listen to my podcast. I want everyone to take note that Sarah started her journey with meditation in the Army. How long ago was that?

Sarah: It was 1980/1981. It was only done by a rouge male nurse, who felt the need to take us aside and try the body awareness practice. Meditation was not mandated to be a part of our training.  

Alexa: It still isn't mandated, but it is interesting that you initially thought you would become a spy, you ended up learning about body scans. A lot of meditators feel that we can't be a meditator unless I do what Sarah does, go all those places, learn all those things. You taught me through your experiences that I can learn, and I don't have to live in an ashram for years. I am really grateful for that!

Sarah: You are welcome!

Alexa: Thank you for doing all the learning for all of us. 

Sarah: I wasn't the mainstream kind of gal, I didn't want just to get married and have kids, get a job, and retire. My motivation in life was, can I find out the mysteries of this existence? What is it that animates all of creation? I know I am a little weird, but that was what was right for me.  

I have to fast-forward after working and being in the TM organization for years. I won't go into the whole story, as you can google it. Deepak Chopra and I got kicked out of TM. Getting kicked out of an organization tells me one thing, that is that it is exclusive, not inclusive. How can you get kicked out of a meditation organization?! Well, some ways are to change your guru, changing your job, or changes that some tell you not to, but you do it anyway. I am in good company, so is Deepak Chopra. There is also Ravi Shankar, who does the Art of Living program. Many have been "kicked out" of TM. That was a warning for me, how can TM be a great organization? TM practice is a great practice.

After I left the TM organization, I went to California with Deepak in 1992/1993. We opened up a health center. He came up with his practice, which was also a silent practice that is not TM. Deepak's practice is called Primordial Sound Meditation. I started to learn that there are a variety of practices available and they all work. You can stare at the sky, a fire, etc. to use as your object of meditation. 

There are so many types of meditation. 

• Zen Buddist Tradition

• • paying attention to your breath
  • counting your breath
  • asking yourself questions that stopped the mind
• walking meditation
• imagination meditation

Scientists are researching meditation. I have been a research subject in a few studies. Scientists have a hard time differentiating the different types of meditation. Here are a few ways that I categorize mediation:

• Focus awareness/concentration meditation
• Open awareness meditation- Advanced practices
• Guided meditation
• Imagery meditation

When I was in India, I learned more about meditation.  

• Guru
• Eat, pray, love
• Chanting
• Devotion

After India, I moved into a Zen Buddist Monastery. I wanted to give up the whole notion of devotion and move into emptiness.  

I want to share the basics of meditation. You went into meditation because you wanted to get rid of your anxiety. I went into meditation because I had a very stressful childhood, and I also suffered from panic attacks. I wanted to feel that life mattered, I mattered, and a deep sense of love.  

There are three basic ingredients to any type of meditation. 

[Sarah discusses in detail the below]

• Your intention
• Attention
• What you are paying attention to:

Alexa: My listeners might still be a little unsure of where to start. When you talked about focused awareness and open awareness; I compare it to a camera, am I zooming in or am taking a wide-angled, panorama picture. I want to go back to the three things that you taught me, going back to desire, non-judgemental attitude, and focus. Sarah, I started feeling over-whelmed when I didn't have a focus. When I read your book, Soul-centered: Transform your life in 8 weeks with meditation, before knowing you, you helped me simplify meditation. Thank God, science now says we have a body, a mind, and an energy system, and neuroplasticity does exist. Sarah, I am sure you will agree with me, when science proved that neuroplasticity exists, that's when meditation became popular. Sarah, what are your thoughts?

Sarah: Meditation is not difficult, but you do have to set yourself up to succeed. When I was writing that book, I tried to deconstruct meditation. First off, you have to recognize that many people will say that you have to clear your mind to meditate. The minute I close my eyes, my default neuro network comes in, I start a monologue with myself, and I can't clear my mind. Instead of clearing your mind, you should interrupt the constant activity of the mind by paying attention to a particular object. Yoga is about the union of subject, object. 

• Subject: You, your consciousness
• Object: could be:

When I was writing that book, it was a ten-week program. Then this study came out about neuroplasticity, neuro meaning nervous system and the brain, and plasticity meaning plastic or flexibility. In 2012, neuroplasticity studies were showing that with meditation, the thickening of the cortex can happen. Meaning you develop new neuro-pathways, new connections that help you to navigate the world more skillfully. Meditation also changes other parts of your brain. Your amygdala, the reactivity center of the brain, lessens its dominance, so you become much more responsive as the executive function of the neocortex start to become more dominant. This all results in the amygdala, "fight or flight" response becomes less apparent. You gain space between stimulus and response. This shows up in meditation as a state, and overtime shows up as traits in the brain.  

Meditation is a practice. Find the one you like. I used to be very militant due to my time in the military, and I used to think there is only one way to meditate. So, find a practice you like and get in a routine. The best thing to do is to start meditating as soon as you get up in the morning.  

There are many studies on the different practices of meditation and their benefits. 

• mindfulness practice - keeps you more engaged
• Loving-kindness, gratitude practices - cultivate emotions
• transcending mental activity - direct experience of YOU

Alexa: If I decided that all this information makes sense and I want to start meditation when I get up tomorrow morning, what should I do?

Sarah: 

Gather yourself, welcoming everything, and resisting nothing. 

Start with 1-2 minutes of mindfulness.

• Sit down
• Close your eyes
• Set yourself up 

• • Turn your phone off
  • Turn music off 
• Sit up
• Close your eye or gaze towards your hands/floor
• Pay attention/observe environment and body
• • Be in the being and not in the doing

Then, Body Scan

Choose a focus

• Start with breath awareness
• Relaxation Response
• Refocus

It's the nature of your mind to think. Your job is to bring your mind back to your focus. 

[Meditation Practice]

It does not matter how many times you have to refocus, be kind to yourself, and let go of expectations.  

Lastly, be sure to determine how long you are going to meditate. 

Alexa: I would like to wrap up by saying, yes, there are many types of meditation, but don't worry about it and don't feel like you have to learn them all. What Sarah and I say, "just get up and start meditating." The best thing about research is that you are your own best individual subject. Pick a practice, stick with it, and enjoy it. I used the definition of meditation that comes straight from Sarah, "meditation is a practice, it's old, it's new, it's modern, it's ancient, it's all of those things, but it is a training."

Links:

Sarah McLean Bio

Sarah McLean Books

Alexa Z Meditates

SUMMARY

In this episode, Alexa talks about Yoga Nidra, a yogic practice that some call the sleep meditation or “the art of doing nothing.” It is an ancient technique that helps relieve stress and improve sleep.

 Alexa explains what to expect in a Yoga Nidra class. She explains how people benefit from this practice and how it is different from a seated meditation. She explains what Sankalpa is and talks about the importance of having intention.

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HIGHLIGHTS

2:16 A little history of Yoga Nidra

4:50 What to expect in a Yoga Nidra class

9:10 Who can benefit?

13:28 Yoga Nidra and hypnosis

15:54 What is Sankalpa?

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RESOURCES

Full Blog 

https://alexazmeditates.com/podcast Learn to Meditate Try Day One FREE www.alexazmeditates.com/free

Joan Cappiello Livingston (A teacher and a friend - we teach the same Amrit Integrated Method) Her Youtube Station

Free Yoga Nidra Download  (scroll to middle of the site) https://www.alexazmeditates.com

More Info on Kamini Desai and Richard Miller

www.kaminidesai.com

https://www.irest.org

In today's episode, we are going to shed some light on multitasking. You might be tired of hearing about multitasking, and monotasking is getting a little blase. If you are like me, repetition is necessary. I wear the badge of honor when it comes to multitasking. 

In the past 30 years, any interview I had, when asked what my three top skills were, multitasking was always one of them. As I get older, I still think that I do well when it comes to multitasking. However, I see I don't get as much done as I used to.  

Often there are distractions, mind-wandering, and more often than not, my top three tasks on my to-do list were not completed. I now know that those top three are the three that move the needle. I must prioritize my top three tasks. Multitasking is a thing of the past. The new cool kids, slow down, get more done, are more accurate, down goes the stress, and up goes the productivity.  

Does it sound like you need a dose of that? Or, do you believe you are one of the chosen ones and are a great multitasker? Stay tuned! Multitasking is not fun. Most of us are endlessly and unsuccessfully trying to make the needle move.  

Intro

Hey there! Alexa Z here! First, let me start off by saying if you are driving, walking, washing dishes, folding towels, and also listening to me, that's okay. You can do rote tasks in multiples. My motto is to keep it simple. Let's make this short and sweet, so you can go forth and get stuff done. Plus, facts are facts; you can't argue how the brain works.  

When you are splitting your resources or your attention on multiple things, you start to slide down the slippery slope to inaccuracies. Multitasking isn't doing multiple things at the same time. It's content switching. The brain does not like to go forward to do one task; then, when you start another task, you have to put your brain in reverse. It may just be for a split second, put your mind in reverse, now forward to the next task. Back-up, go forward, back-up, go forward. This back and forth causes the brain to become exhausted, resulting in a 50% error rate, and it takes twice as long to complete a task.  

Have you heard of the saying, "if you want something done, ask a busy person"? I do agree, but now I have reformated that thought. Asking a busy person is fine as long as they move slowly, not sloth-like but undistracted from task to task. 

Our brain is never doing two things at the same time; the mind is merely switching back and forth. As you switch back in forth, there is a residue that is left, which causes your brain to be unclear. When have you multitask for an entire day and felt great? Your brain has a process. For example, you want ice cream. The anterior part of your brain sets that goal; the posterior part of the prefrontal brain helps the rest of you go to the freezer and get the ice cream. That might be a silly example, but imagine that your brain is going through that process with important tasks. Your brain is continually setting goals and processing how to get it done in multiple fashions. 

We get such a high when checking things off of our to-do list. Let's use our electronic devices as an example. We have multiple tabs opened, email, instant messenger, and we are working on a task. We don't have a plan. If you are on vacation and have some work you have to address, most likely, you create a plan to make sure that you still spend time and are present with your family while taking care of responsibility for your job. You might set a specific time to check your emails once a day so that you are not distracted while doing activities with your family. When you set a particular time to check on your emails, you can focus and get through them much more quickly than if you had been checking your email throughout the day. When you always check your email, your mind wanders, and you end up on Instagram, Facebook, etc. Your mind is wandering 47% of the time, switching tasks constantly, and you wonder why you are not getting any task completed. It has been said that you forget 1 out of 3 tasks.  

Have you ever learned to juggle? It is very challenging. Juggling is a lot like mindfulness. As you switch and grab the different objects, you must concentrate on one object to catch and toss it before the next object comes. I want to learn to juggle as it is an excellent mindfulness practice.  

What is effected by multitasking? Everything! Multitasking decreases accuracy, crushes your creative thinking, you become anxious, it hurts short-term memory, and time is lost. 

Exercise: Time yourself

1. Write, "I can multitask." 
2. Stop
3. Write, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13."  
4. Stop
5. Write both "I can multitask" and "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13." together but go back and forth from "I can multitask" and the number sequence for each character. For example, write "I" in one line, then "1" below it, back and write "c," and back down write "2"...

This activity shows that multitasking does not help you get tasks done quicker or accurately. 

How does meditation help with multitasking? Meditation trains your brain to focus on one thing at a time. When you meditate, you might use one of the following to focus on: breath, mantra, or your body. The brain and body are working together. It is now scientifically known that we have a body, mind, and energy system. It is a beautiful feeling when they are in sync. Meditation trains your brain to ignore distractions. While meditating, you can focus on your breath, notice the distraction, and return to your breath. Maintaining a regular meditation practice helps your neuropathways, reactivity, and makes doing multiple tasks much more manageable.  

Keep up with your daily meditation and notice how much you get done. Go with monotasking and get rid of multitasking.  

Ready to Learn: Sign up to find out when Alexa's next class launches!  Get on the List Now!