The passive aggressive person

Today we had the pleasure of having Richard Branigan, founder of the organization Kids for Kids, www.KFKDanceForLife.org on our show. It is remarkable how inspiring and powerful children are when they give back to the community. With the support of Richard's organization children perform through the medium of dance to raise money for needy children and families. Speaking of Healing Human Disconnect! Usually it's the parents who are the role models for their children. But sometimes children can be OUR role model. Take example from these talented, wonderful children that light up when they dance their way to giving back. People who have benefited are needy children with Cerebral Palsy, for example. When tragedy struck at the Sandy Hook school, Richard's organization gave back by building a playground for the children and acknowledging those that died in the tragic shooting. Healing Human Disconnect can only happen when people like Richard go outside their own needs and become a stand for the communities. THANK YOU Richard for the work you are doing, and let us know what Dr. Judy and Walt can do to bring support and mental health via the Be The Cause MIND MAP System to those in need. For those of you so inclined, you can find his organization on line and donate to his cause. Today we Shrunk the Tune: "Children Of The Universe," by Molly Smitten-Downes

What is holding you back from manifesting your New Year's resolutions? Many of our resolutions have to do with STOPPING or "curbing" unhealthy defense mechanisms that fill the "hole in the soul," that emotional emptiness that resulted from the original CAUSE: Mother-Infant disconnect. When we pull the plug on unhealthy defenses like smoking, drinking, overeating, gambling, etc., we need to fill them with healthy defenses that create a more sustainable lifestyle. Without addressing the emotional pain behind the need to fill the "hole in the soul," we end up with creating behavioral changes that are temporary. Whatever we emotionally REPRESS can create the symptoms that we experience as our "bad habits." It takes clearing out the emotional pain AND creating sustainable healthy substitutes AND creating consistency of repeated behaviors (it takes about a month of consistency to create a new habit) to make those resolutions a part of your lifestyle. Healthy defense mechanisms include choosing better foods, meditating, exercise and good sleeping habits for example to balance mind body and soul. Today we SHRUNK THE TUNE: "This Is The New Year" by A Great Big World

With all good intentions, most new year's resolutions fail miserably. Why? Because they are not sustainable! If you go to the gym in early January, you will see many people enthusiastically crowding the premises. By mid to end of January, the gym population "thins out." This is because we set the bar too high and expect too much of ourselves. Habits take time to form. It takes about a month of doing something on a regular basis to form a habit. By taking baby steps--just putting our gym shoes on and going for a little walk, we can build sustainable routines that are DO-ABLE. A little less is sometimes better than a lot more that won't sustain over time. And remember, don't "SHOULD" on yourself. Pushing yourself and forcing yourself with what you SHOULD do won't work. Try compassion and self love instead. Go to our website www.DrJudyWTF and take a look at Panel 3 of the Mind Map and you will see that unless we build sustainable bonds based on realistic goals, we will break down into CHAOS and abort our best attempts. This new month set your intention or consciousness to "sustainable" and take the baby steps needed to build a solid new year. Today we Shrunk the Tune: This Is The New Year" by A Great Big World (and was even sung on TV by the TV show Glee)

When we give, we get. We get the joy of connecting with others and making a difference. Those who give and volunteer their time are healthier, happier, and live longer. The most valuable gift we can give another is our time and attention, so don't feel like giving has to mean spending money! Hugs are free and lower blood pressure, heartbeat, and overall make us feel safe and less stressed. Just as Attachment Theory suggests, we need containment and we are wired to connect. No different than when we were infants, we still need all the emotional "ingredients" we needed then--touch, eye contact, consistency, and a sense of being attuned to. This season go out of your way to be a giver and get that you make a significant difference to someone's life. Today we Shrunk That Tune, "The Little Drummer Boy" by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

Holidays are supposed to be the "happiest time of the year" yet some people find themselves depressed, anxious and lonelier than ever. Holidays can highlight what is lacking within and lacking in relationships, so it behooves us to plan ahead and become proactive in beating the "holiday blues." 1. Plan ahead Take good care of yourself. Even though it is time to GIVE to others, don't forget to GIVE to yourself. 2. Avoid family conflict The conflicts aren't going away any time soon, so you might as well avoid entering into emotionally heated discussions. If you must talk about delicate issues, use my PEACEFUL HEALING DIALOGUE (available at www.DrjJdyWTF.com under Forms) If you know there are going to be conflicts, prepare a neutral response, such as, "Let's talk about that another time," or, "I can see how you would feel that way. 3. Give up on being perfect Don't bother trying to find the perfect gift. The biggest gift you can give another is YOU: Your time, your caring, your presence. The happiest people are with their loved ones. 4. Learn to grieve If you are mourning a loved one, it's a good time to talk about your feelings or reach out to support groups. Remember to not REPRESS your feelings. What is REPRESSED is then DEPRESSED and turns into DEPRESSION. 5. Schedule some sleep Holiday activities easily can interfere with your sleep schedule. But studies have shown there is a link between sleep loss and depression. Be extra careful about getting enough sleep. 8 hours are best, and routine is best. 6. Get help Don't go it alone. If you need help, ASK, reach out. Interconnect (see Panel 7 of my MIND MAP at www.DrjJdyWTF.com) 7. Work out Exercise—one of the first activities to get lost in the holiday shuffle—should be placed high on your to-do list. The more stress we are under, the more irritated our mood. 8. Get Sunlight or Light Exposure Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, can be treated by long wal

Loneliness doesn't necessarily mean we are ALONE. We can be WITH someone and still experience a state of loneliness. We are wired to connect and we don't feel that we are "gotten" by another, we may feel triggered in the core of our injured "inner child" and react to the disconnect by shutting down. During the holidays it is particularly important to spend time with people we love, people who "get" us, and people who we feel unconditionally loved by. Unconditional Love, the most powerful healing force in the universe is the antidote to feeling our "hole in the soul" emptiness. Have compassion for yourself and understand that if you are feeling lonely, you can proactively DO something to reach out to others and interconnect. Sometimes when we initiate connection and help another to feel wanted, we reap the benefits of fulfilling ourselves. I call that a WIN-WIN. Go to the MIND MAP at www.DrJudyWTF and look at Panel 7, interconnection and see what LIGHT can be generated when we interconnect with others! Today we Shrunk That Tune: Hello Darkness My Old Friend" by Simon and Garfunkel.

Loneliness is a very common form of human suffering. It starts with mother-infant disconnect as CAUSE. When mother, or primary caregiver doesn't supply enough of the emotional ingredients for the baby to "take in" the blueprint of a warm nurturing available mom, it creates what I refer to as the Hole In The Soul phenomenon. See the MIND MAP at www.DrJudyWTF.com and go to Panel 5 for a metaphorical description of loneliness. One can be lonely even when with someone. Because Human Disconnect is so prominent. Just look at how many people prefer to be on their computers, cell phones, and in general move further and further away from what we need a as a human race to feel healthy--touch, eye contact, and EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. We are creating a lonely and isolating system around us. There are different forms of loneliness-- both social, and individual. What we most value as a human race is family, relationships, community support. All it takes is a special significant person to help relieve the isolating aspects of loneliness. Get with friends, family, community, and even pets. Especially around the holiday, it is important to stay CONNECTED. Today we Shrunk the Tune: "Eleanor Rigby," by the Beatles.

The passive aggressive person is a fear based individual low suffering from low self esteem poor communication skills. When people grow up in a homewhere it is unsafe to express authentic feelings, when there is no otherway to express feelings of anger, they can develop a passive aggressivestyle as their way of releasing their anger and coping with an environmentunsupportive of authentic expression of feelings. To deal with this personality disorder it is important to be direct. When faced with this personality type, don't take it personally, but don't take it lying downeither. Set boundaries and give consequences and the person will have to face up to their behavior and realize that they are busted.Typical passive aggressive behaviors include: Procrastinating, doing poorwork and playing victim when confronted about it, not acknowledging what you requested, doing the opposite of what you asked of them, or simply blowing you off with a "whateverrrrrr" attitude.You may find yourself getting angry at them, and feeling controlled bythem. If you ask them if they are angry, they may respond by denying that they are, and make you doubt your gut feelings. Trust your gut as they may be projecting their anger into you so that they can control and manipulate you.Today we Shrunk the Tune: "Some Day, I'm Gonna Getcha......" by Blondie.

True to the form of the Be The Cause MIND MAP, Dr. Judy's 9 Panel paradigm shifting tool to get you FROM the problem THROUGH the process and TO the solution (see it at www.DrJudyWTF.com), turn your attention to PANEL 1 or the Cause of all problems. Notice the shadows blocking the light. The darkness is a metaphor for Human Disconnect--the first being Mother-Infant disconnect, the cause of all inorganic psychology. By implied contract mother, or primary caregiver is entrusted to nurture us and make our world safe. When the trust is broken by a myriad of factors--emotional, physical abuse and neglect, the blueprint for betrayal gets laid down and becomes the foundation for other forms of betrayal. Today we spoke of different forms of betrayal and what TO DO if you have experienced betrayal (who hasn't?). Common forms of betrayal are affairs, betrayal in business associations and friendships. In extreme cases we see sociopathic behavior where the individual has NO EMPATHY for others and is ruled by APATHY, the most dangerous disconnected state human known to man. When disconnected FROM original Cause, we tend to repeat and act out what was "done to us," in a repetition WTF (What the Freud) manner, and "do unto others" what was done to us. Today we shrunk the tune "Smiling Faces" by The Undisputed Truth.

Today we had the privilege of having Aaron Lamont Curry, author of his brand new book "Why Are You Still Single." When you love and respect yourself, you are no longer willing to settle, and avoid wasting time by dating Mr. or Mrs. WRONG. When we do not take the time to become whole and complete within ourselves (a lifetime journey) we walk around as though we need another to complete us. What became clear in this interview is the importance of honoring and loving ourselves and treating ourselves to help and well being. In times where casual sex and throw away relationships are the norm, it was refreshing to know that there are people out there who value themselves enough to share their mind body and soul only with people who are worthy of being great partners. For those of you who want to get dating ready: Go to Dr. Judy's website www.GetDatingReady.com and take a look at how to value yourself and others. We Shrunk The Tune: "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield