Why Men Keep Their Emotional Pain Invisible

Through reading his books, articles and watching Tom Golden on ​⁠his YouTube channel, Men Are Good, his work opened my eyes to the misconceptions and subtle signs that go unnoticed in men’s emotional domain. I’ve reflected on how his work relates to me as a South African man and how some of the observations he shared in his books and talks still hold true, though there are some changes in society’s attitudes towards men’s emotional experiences. In this episode I share How and Why Men Keep Their Emotional Pain Invisible based on Tom’s findings using some of my own examples and others that have made it to mainstream media.

Purchase Tom Golden’s books on the links below:

The Way Men Heal

Swallowed By A Snake: The Gift of The Masculine Side Of Healing 

#mannedupconvos #menandemotions

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 Welcome to Season 4 of Manned Up Conversations. If you are new to the platform, thank you for tuning in. I invite you to listen in with an open mind, our stories and conversations give you a refreshing perspective on manhood, reflections on issues affecting men and some suggestions on what we can do to enjoy a wholistic life experience. We do not claim to have all the answers, we share out of compassion for others and pay our stories forward so they can inspire the next man to own his story and pass on his learnings.

In this episode we highlight the healing power of music with Graeme Sacks, a music therapist based in Johannesburg, South Africa. With a primary focus on children and young adults, he operates a private practice and also contributes his expertise to the Johannesburg Children's Home. With over three decades  of experience as a professional musician and music educator, Graeme 's accomplishments include winning a South African music Award for one of his children's CDs.

Get in touch with Greame Sacks:

Website: Graeme Sacks Music Therapy
LinkedIn: Graeme Sacks
Facebook: Graeme Sacks
Instagram: @GraemeSacks
More on creative therapies: SANATA

Graeme's cancer story - Sitting with dissonance.

Children's music produced by Graeme: https://youtu.be/7nFnd_02234?si=9p4hqQo4KLtPFdV2 

Our workshop offers a safe, understanding and healing space whether you are mourning the loss of loved ones, career opportunities, personal or deeply held beliefs.
We provide a creative and innovative environment where you can personalize rituals to honour your grief in a cultural sensitive way.

Contact us on rituals4men@gmail.com to sign up and learn more about our workshop on February 28th in Boksburg, Johannesburg.

Hope you are enjoying the conversation so far. 

Remember to take note of things that stand out to you while listening and take a moment to reflect in your own time or discuss this with some friends over some drinks, a meal or relaxing activity of your choice. 
Thank you for tuning into Manned Up Conversations. Please subscribe to help grow the platform, you can also find us on YouTube if you prefer video and don't forget to share your comments, insights or questions.

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

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In our latest episode, we close off with a conversation with Anele Ndlovu, a women's leadership and mental health advocate who also runs an engaging platform "The Tea with Anele Ndlovu." We catch up after several interactions since her first men's mental health event in November 2022 to learn about her journey with mental health resulting from a job loss which led to alcohol abuse and a suicide attempt. We also discuss her family's role in her recovery, raising a son and having those awkward sex and sexual health conversations and her perspective on present and engaged fathers.  

Anele Ndlovu is the Founder of the initiative “The Tea with Anele Ndlovu.” The initiative is focused on women empowerment and women leadership. The aim of the initiative is to encourage women to inspire themselves and other women to use their voices to change their environments through critical conversations. A big part of the initiative is now focused on mental health advocacy. Anele has gone through quite a journey with her mental health. This has encouraged and inspired her to use her journey to help women and people in general to accept their struggle and suffering with mental illness so that they can get the help they need to start their healing and recovery process and journey. Anele intends to use her journey and initiative to remove the stigma around mental illness.

Get in touch with Anele Ndlovu:

Twitter: @AneleNdlovu
Instagram: @AneleNdlovu
LinkedIn: Anele Ndlovu

Join The Tea Anele Ndlovu:
 
Instagram: The Tea With Anele Ndlovu

Support

Our workshop offers a safe, understanding and healing space whether you are mourning the loss of loved ones, career opportunities, personal or deeply held beliefs.
We provide a creative and innovative environment where you can personalize rituals to honour your grief in a cultural sensitive way.

Contact us on rituals4men@gmail.com to sign up and learn more about our workshop on February 28th in Boksburg, Johannesburg.

Hope you are enjoying the conversation so far. 

Remember to take note of things that stand out to you while listening and take a moment to reflect in your own time or discuss this with some friends over some drinks, a meal or relaxing activity of your choice. 
Thank you for tuning into Manned Up Conversations. Please subscribe to help grow the platform, you can also find us on YouTube if you prefer video and don't forget to share your comments, insights or questions.

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Follow us & share you comments on our work:


Substack: Manned Up Conversations Writes
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The theme for the 16 Days of Activism Campaign for 2023 is: “Accelerating actions to end gender-based violence & femicide: leaving no one behind” it is in this light that we share our first episode highlighting men's violence against women and children with Australian Professor, Michael Flood. 

We explore the framing of violence against women and how men interpret these messages in episode 54, as we explore his work in Engaging Men and Boys in Violence. We also look at how males who have been abused by women react to violence against women, as well as the significance of men and boys supporting women who are victims of violence. Michael discusses many methods for preventing violence and emphasizes why people assume that because there seems to be a rise in violence, anti-violence programs are ineffective.  In order to effectively support violence prevention, he also encourages men and men's organizations interested in women's concerns to work together and partner with women's organizations. We wrap up by discussing men's perspectives on feminism and what each of them can do on their own to prevent violence.

Michael Flood is a Professor at the Queensland University of Technology School of Justice. He is an internationally recognized researcher on men, masculinities, and gender, violence against women, and violence prevention. Professor Flood has made significant contributions to scholarly and public understanding of men’s involvements in preventing violence against women and building gender equality, and to scholarship and programming regarding violence and violence prevention.

He is the author of Engaging Men and Boys in Violence Prevention (2019), the co-author of Masculinity and Violent Extremism (2022), and the lead editor of Engaging Men in Building Gender Equality (2015) and The International Encyclopedia of Men and Masculinities (2007). He is also an advocate and educator.

Our workshop offers a safe, understanding and healing space whether you are mourning the loss of loved ones, career opportunities, personal or deeply held beliefs.
We provide a creative and innovative environment where you can personalize rituals to honour your grief in a cultural sensitive way.

Contact us on rituals4men@gmail.com to sign up and learn more about our workshop on February 28th in Boksburg, Johannesburg.

Hope you are enjoying the conversation so far. 

Remember to take note of things that stand out to you while listening and take a moment to reflect in your own time or discuss this with some friends over some drinks, a meal or relaxing activity of your choice. 
Thank you for tuning into Manned Up Conversations. Please subscribe to help grow the platform, you can also find us on YouTube if you prefer video and don't forget to share your comments, insights or questions.

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Follow us & share you comments on our work:


Substack: Manned Up Conversations Writes
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In episode 53, we connect with Mesh Kekana to talk about the journey of his organization Dads In The Picture. We also explore how boys are being raised differently from girls in the home and the importance of teaching boys skills that enable them to take care of their own home and families. Mesh also questions some of the statements made about fathers involvement in their child life and how the systemic, social and cultural obstacles fathers face make it difficult for those relationships to flourish.  

Mesh Kekana is the founder of  Dads in the Picture (DITP), an organization of like-minded fathers, who saw a need for fathers to play an active role in the lives of children. A few like-minded fathers shared ideas around the current role of men and what was needed to improve it. The vision of Dads in the Picture is to Encourage every dad to take responsibility in the upbringing of children in a safe environment. A platform for all fathers, Grandfathers, Uncles, Big-Brothers who want to make a positive impact in our children's lives.

 Follow and Explore Mesh Kekana and Dads In The Picture's work:

Twitter: @MeshTheDad

Website: Dads In The Picture
Twitter: @dadsinthepic
Facebook: Dads In The Picture
Instagram: @DadsInThePicture

Our workshop offers a safe, understanding and healing space whether you are mourning the loss of loved ones, career opportunities, personal or deeply held beliefs.
We provide a creative and innovative environment where you can personalize rituals to honour your grief in a cultural sensitive way.

Contact us on rituals4men@gmail.com to sign up and learn more about our workshop on February 28th in Boksburg, Johannesburg.

Hope you are enjoying the conversation so far. 

Remember to take note of things that stand out to you while listening and take a moment to reflect in your own time or discuss this with some friends over some drinks, a meal or relaxing activity of your choice. 
Thank you for tuning into Manned Up Conversations. Please subscribe to help grow the platform, you can also find us on YouTube if you prefer video and don't forget to share your comments, insights or questions.

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Follow us & share you comments on our work:


Substack: Manned Up Conversations Writes
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Twitter: @MannedUp_Convos
YouTube: Manned Up Conversations

In episode 52, we connect with David Miller to explore his work on the relationship between black fathers and daughters. Some of the key talking points in this conversation include the marginalization of black fathers, creating opportunities and space for bonding through various activities for fathers to get to know their daughters likes and dislikes, the impact of absent fathers on girls and women, having courageous and age appropriate conversations around topics like sex, education, dating and media literacy and managing emotions and dealing with conflict. 

Baltimore native David C. Miller uses his academic training and innate street skills to lead healing circles with men and boys, focusing on decision-making, impulse control, mental health awareness, and managing anger. Miller's work with Black men and boys has appeared in the BBC Magazine (Canada) and on CNN, MSNBC, Huffington Post, USA Today, PBS, Baltimore Sun, Washington Post, Washington Parent Magazine, Afro-American Newspaper, and other media outlets.
Miller is also the author and architect of Dare To Be King: What If the Prince Lives? a unique curriculum designed to engage young males of color around three domains: anger, decision-making, and impulse control.
Miller completed his Ph.D. in the School of Social Work at Morgan State University. Miller’s dissertation research focused on the emotional connections between Black fathers and daughters.

Explore David Miller's work:

Website: Dare To Be King - What if The Price Lives?

Articles:

The Sacred Bond Between Black Fathers and Daughters
Fatherly Advice – Safety Tips: Sending Our Daughters to College

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

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In episode 51, we take a deep dive into the world of the masculine archetypes with Ruwan Meepagala.

We unpack his journey into coaching, navigating the seemingly saturated coaching space, his learnings as a new father and how that impacts on his coaching conversations.  Ruwan also shares how he ended up in a cult and highlights the good and potential dangers of heading down that path. Then we narrow in on his 21 day masculine archetype challenge where he unpacks the benefits of grounding, introspection and material accomplishment for men.

Ruwan Meepagala describes himself as someone who spent two enlightening (and dark) years in a matriarchal cult. A bit of his story has been covered by various outlets. But the really good stuff is in his book, which he is serializing. 
 Ruwan is also a father to a baby girl, husband to beautiful wife, plays way too much chess. (Challenge me on chess.com @RUWANDO). He holds a BJJ blue belt, a MMA & Muay Thai enthusiast and a (very) amateur furniture-maker.

Listen to Ruwan's podcasts:

History of Man
Ruwan Podcast: Psychology For Men with Brain and Balls

Connect with Ruwan Meepagala:

Website: https://www.ruwando.com/

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

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In episode 50, we celebrate another milestone episode in line with 50 years of Hip Hop.

Joining me to reflect on lessons, experiences and how Hip Hop impacts it's participants and followers, I'm joined by legendary producer Nyambz. We discuss the collaborative approach to creating music, his decision to not partake in the drugs and supporting for a friend who is dealing with addiction and the dual nature of Hip Hop  and much more.

After winning the African Hip-Hop producer of the year, in 2004, at the tender age of 19, Nyambz influence in the South African Hip-Hop industry escalated to great heights, crafting classic material for some of South Africa’s top acts. He’s worked with the likes of Zubz, Tumi, Optical Illusion, Proverb, Prokid and Tumi & the Volume just to name a few. He’s also produced tracks for acts across the African Continent, and a host of international acts, including Main Flow from the legendary Cincinnati Hip Hop group “MOOD”. His strength lies in his ability to delve from genre to genre without losing the quality in music that he strongly stands for.

Connect with Nyambz on social media:

Instagram: @Nyambino
Facebook: Inyambo Imenda
Visit: The Studio Next Door

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

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In episode 49, we reconnect with Melusi Tshabalala for a follow up episode since we covered his book Magenge, We Need To Talk.

In this episode we learn about his entrepreneurial journey with Gogo Magic Family Eatery and his vision creating culturally appropriate spaces for African people to enjoy food while gathering with family, fixing yourself before fixing others, being raised by his mother, views on co-parenting, writing children's books, mentoring the youth and more...

Melusi Tshabalala is a seasoned advertising creative with a career spanning 20 years, he's also an author of Magenge, We Need To Talk plus several other children's books and a social entrepreneur.

Melusi also appears on:

Listen To Your Footsteps - Breaking Down The Facades
Espresso - Gogo Magic and her Magic Food Truck

Buy: Magenge, We Need To Talk
Visit: Gogo Magic Family Eatery

Connect with Melusi on social media:

Twitter: @EverydayZulu
Instagram: @Mshengumel
Facebook: Melusi Tshabalala

Our workshop offers a safe, understanding and healing space whether you are mourning the loss of loved ones, career opportunities, personal or deeply held beliefs.
We provide a creative and innovative environment where you can personalize rituals to honour your grief in a cultural sensitive way.

Contact us on rituals4men@gmail.com to sign up and learn more about our workshop on February 28th in Boksburg, Johannesburg.

Hope you are enjoying the conversation so far. 

Remember to take note of things that stand out to you while listening and take a moment to reflect in your own time or discuss this with some friends over some drinks, a meal or relaxing activity of your choice. 
Thank you for tuning into Manned Up Conversations. Please subscribe to help grow the platform, you can also find us on YouTube if you prefer video and don't forget to share your comments, insights or questions.

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Follow us & share you comments on our work:


Substack: Manned Up Conversations Writes
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Instagram: @MannedUp_Convos
Twitter: @MannedUp_Convos
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In episode 48, we explore a life of imperfection with Mrs South Africa 2023 finalist, Nekisha Lupke.

Nekisha takes us through her childhood in Durban where she witnessed violence, abuse in different forms and how this experience impacted her mental health.  We talk about pretty privilege and being bullied in school because of the dark colour in comparison to the children in her neighbourhood.  Then we move on to discuss her relationship with her father and how his passing led to her sister dying by suicide, her own suicide ideation and overdosing on the feel good pills. We close off by discussing how motherhood and marriage impacted her views on provision and working together as a couple to raise a respectful and loving family.

Nekisha Lupke is a Mrs South Africa 2023 finalist, she's an Educator, online ESL specialist coach and Entrepreneur. In my spare time, I enjoy creating inspirational YouTube videos, hosting woman empowerment events, spending time with my family and reading. I am #EveryWoman because I have imperfections that I have chose to accept and grow through.

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Connect with Nekisha Lupke:

YouTube:  @nekishalupke4808  
TikTok: @nekishalupke
Instagram: @iamnekishalupke

Sign up for Ain't Heavy, My Brother - A Workshop in Support of Grieving Men on rituals4men@gmail.com.

Donate To Our Campaign with Love Your Nuts Foundation To Raise Testicular Cancer Awareness

Follow us & share you comments on our work:

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