Childless not by Choice

This podcast is about the childless not by choice demographic on a global level. If like me, you are childless not by choice, this podcast, my platform, is a place for you to find community and understanding. Childless not by choice women and men can many times be misunderstood or ignored by society, and I want to change that. I invite everyone to listen and to realize we are not all living the same lives. When we realize this, our minds will open up to the fact that we can treat each other with understanding, empathy, and grace.

enCivilla M. Morgan100 Episodes

Episodes (100)

EPISODE 159--HEADLINES

Hello, and welcome to episode 159 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Headlines

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

So, it looks like, we meaning childless not by choice and child free people, are in the news again! It seems like we are always in the headlines, doesn’t it? And not usually for anything positive. There is always commentary, and suggestions, all un-asked for.

Well, in the recent headlines, the word deplorable was used, and the term commercial contract...in the context of those who choose surrogacy to have the gift of a child. I always believed surrogacy to be a gift. Yes, the woman carrying the baby typically gets paid, but why shouldn’t she? And yes, many countries have rules and laws surrounding these agreements. It’s not typically an act or process that is done willy-nilly. Of course like anything else, there are people who opt for the wrong or illegal way of doing things, so why would surrogacy be any different? Well, because a human being is involved. I get it, but calling the act deplorable? That’s kinda intense.

DEPLORABLE

COMMERCIAL CONTRACT

CHILDLESS ELDERLY

RETIREMENT

I get that there are people who like to cut corners and do things for the wrong reasons, but ‘commercial contract’ sounds so, well, non-human.

And I really believe the word deplorable needs to be retired–or just used as little as possible. It is such a harsh word and I don’t think we realize that.

I know we all make mistakes, misuse words and verbiage; we all mess up. But I think the bigger issue becomes when we do not realize how we are affecting people by our words. Our opinions, our words affect people. The term ‘words matter’ has been thrown around a bit in the last few years, to no avail. Some people just do not understand how their words do matter, or how their platform fits into the scheme of the world.

I don’t believe most people mean to be mean. Some people on the other hand, I don’t believe they care how their words affect the listener or the reader, or the ones directly affected by their words. In other words, People may not realize what their words are doing, they have probably not done any research.

Research such as, why do women use surrogates? Why are people childless? Could it be some of them just could not have kids? Before making comments about how the childless fit into the world. What contributions do we make?

You know my story. I wanted children so badly I would have done just about anything to have one. But I also believe that people who did not want kids shouldn’t have to have them. I mean why are we trying to tell people what to do., How to live their lives. Whether or not to have children. Why is this happening? I realize that some commentary may come from the fact that the overall birth rate in the Western world is generally lower than the leadership machine of any given country might like, but where does it end when we start telling people what to do? Making people feel a certain way for not wanting children or not being able to have children.

I had already recorded this episode when I felt like I needed to dig deeper to find out why these comments were made. I searched for context. I couldn’t find any. But I just can’t believe these comments just popped up. There had to be a reason. If I figure it out sometime in the future I will let you know. But for now, this is all I got. They just decided this was their opinion so they said so. But in this world of social media, now more than ever, we really have to think about what we say. No matter how small or how large our platform.

A few announcements please:

Patreon:

If you are a patron, please stop by the Patreon page for a personalized video message from me. And if you are a current contributor, there is also a message in your Patreon in-box. Please stop by the Patreon page!

Apple now provides transcripts!

Apple will now be providing transcripts! I am excited about this because I know there are people who are not able to consume podcasts by listening. There is a link in the show notes that gives the back story and instructions on how to obtain the transcripts.

https://podcasters.apple.com/support/5316-transcripts-on-apple-podcasts

Research links:

https://thedispatch.com/article/surrogacy-is-good-for-women-and-good-for-families/

https://www.npr.org/2024/01/09/1223771148/pope-francis-surrogacy-criticism#:~:text=%22I%20deem%20deplorable%20the%20practice,speech%20to%20diplomats%20on%20Monday.

https://medium.com/illumination/the-dangerous-words-of-elon-musk-incites-hatred-and-division-against-the-childfree-942e5b613406

https://www.businesstoday.in/technology/news/story/elon-musk-support-restricting-voting-rights-for-people-without-children-388215-2023-07-05

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.healthday.com/healthpro-news/bone-and-joint/men-with-inflammatory-joint-diseases-seem-to-have-more-children

https://www.news18.com/viral/california-couple-chooses-child-free-life-says-its-unaffordable-for-them-8784475.html

https://www.gistreel.com/woman-loses-twin-babies-to-church-after-15-years-of-waiting/

QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE:

‘It’s what we do with OUR story.’

If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Childless not by Choice

enFebruary 28, 2024

Episode 158--How Old Is Too Old To Have A Baby

Hello, and welcome to episode 158 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

How Old Is Too Old To Have A Baby?

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

How old is too old to have a baby? Apparently it’s not age 70, because it just happened. A woman in Uganda has had not one, but two children. She just had twins!

Now, I’m not one to judge especially when people are dealing with a situation that onlookers may not have all of the insight and details.

I mean she lives in a part of the world where she was probably mistreated, shunned, talked about behind her back, for being childless. I mean check out this quote from the People article, link in the show notes:

‘The twins, who will go by Babiyre and Kato, have given Namukwaya and her husband a new status in their rural village. The mom will be known as Nalongo. which means mother of twins, while husband Walusimbi Badru will be known as Salongo, or father of twins.’

She also said ‘ "There was a time I felt very sick because of the pregnancy. I spent nearly all my savings.’

Those last six words: ‘I spent nearly all my savings’. How many times in our community, have we heard a childless not by choice woman say those words?

As I read this story I was torn between to thoughts, two opinions. I wondered if I did enough to have a child on my own before my time ran out. It’s easy to look back and second guess, but it’s a different story when you are living the moment, so I’m not going to beat myself up.

On the other hand, I wondered if she and her husband consider the childrens’ future? Does she have a care plan in place for them once she and her husband have passed? Does she have help with two newborns? Does she have help with them when they are two or three years old and getting into everything? How old will she be when they turn 18? 88, She will be 88!

How old is too old?

And if we ask how old is too old to have a child? How old is too old to adopt? Although at least here in the US, there are laws in place to make sure someone wanting to adopt has to have age correlation to the child’s. In other words, an adopter cannot be more than 20 years older than the child they want to adopt. According to research, that is more geared toward the adoption of an older child.

How old is too old to foster care a child? Have you ever considered fostering a child? If so, I would like to hear your experiences. Let me know! And actually, any thoughts you have on this episode content I would really love to hear. Especially on the main topic of this episode. How old is too old to have a child? Was this fair to the children, even if the mother has help?

Am I being un-empathetic to this woman’s plight of living in a part of the world where childlessness is frowned upon, and the woman is blamed even if the issue is on the husband’s part?

When do we become content in our childlessness? Is there such a thing, contentedness in our childlessness?

There are links in the show notes to this and other stories I believe you may find interesting.

Also, be sure to visit the Resources tab. There’s a link that will take you to Sheridan Voysey’s site. Remember, I am a contributor to his new book ‘Praying Through Infertility.’

Research links:

https://people.com/ugandan-woman-who-welcomed-twins-at-70-introduces-son-and-daughter-8423729

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/curious-case-stone-baby-1c9926251

https://www.sbs.com.au/language/filipino/en/podcast-episode/being-a-mother-is-a-selfless-act-that-perhaps-is-not-for-me-a-story-of-a-child-free-filipina-in-sydney/2f71w36y6

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/collaborators/

Special thank you to:

My friend for telling me about this story.

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Childless not by Choice

enFebruary 02, 2024

Episode 157--Our December, Christmas 2023

Hello, and welcome to episode 157 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

December 2023

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

What has happened the last few months
Plans for next year–i have a few people i would like to interview next year. I just need to make it a little further through my grief journey. My brain is mush right now.
As cnbc women, depending on where we are in our journey, let’s pray for the children around the world. Especially those who have no one to pray for them, and those in war torn and conflict areas.
Humans first: I think about the bandwagon quite a bit as i watch what is happening in and to our world, perpetrated by human beings. The things we do to each other is just unbelievable. But it is the taking sides when the correct side is the human side, that gets me. Two things can be true. That is nothing new. Two actions, two behaviors, two responses can be wrong or right. Let’s bring positive thoughts and behaviors to our world.
Next, i had the honor of being asked to be a contributor to renowned author Sheridan Voysey’s latest book, ‘Praying through Infertility’. How cool was that? The book will be available January 30th. I will put a link to more information in the show notes. Please check out the book, and share with everyone you know, childless or not.

Hi everyone. I have some news.

May I introduce you to Praying Through Infertility, due for release in January. I believe it may be a first book of its kind!

A HIDDEN MALADY

Right now there is someone in your office, church, neighbourhood, maybe even your family or among your friends who is battling infertility. They’re feeling isolated, their marriage may be under strain, and their faith may be fraying at the edges because of it. Praying Through Infertility is a 90 day devotional written for them.

Or maybe even you.

There aren’t many resources for Christian couples facing infertility, and many of those available focus on the female experience. In Praying Through Infertility I believe we’ve achieved a first:

️ 37 contributors from 9 countries sharing vulnerably

Both female and male writers (*rare* for this topic)

A variety of outcomes explored: pregnancy, adoption, staying childless

If you're facing infertility, this is the book you've been longing for. If you know someone who is, it's the book to give when you don't know what to say.

THE BACKSTORY

When my publisher approached me about writing this book, I wasn't sure it was mine to do. My hands were full with other projects and I wondered if I'd said all I needed to in previous books. But when I realised this could be a collaborative project, drawing on the experiences of so many I've connected with around the world, a light switched on.

And my goodness, my co-writers have *delivered*, touching on every experience an infertile couple can face:

How to deal with baby showers and scan reveals

How to address marriage and intimacy problems

How to trust God when you wonder who will look after you when you’re old if children never come

AND THE STORIES!

I can't wait for you to read about:

The couple whose shame was tearing them apart, and how they reunited

The couple who not only adopted two children but their young mother too

The husband who was finally able to express his never-expressed feelings

And how so many wrestle with God and stay faithful through it all

As you may know, the childless community is dear to my heart, so thank you for reading this far and for whatever you can do to get Praying Through Infertility into the hands of those who most need it.

The book is out January 30th but available for pre-order with some bonuses now .

#Infertility #infertilityjourney #infertilitywarrior #infertilitysupport

Articles/links of interest:

https://sheridanvoysey.com/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children-3/

Special thank you to:

Sheridan Voysey

Links/apps of interest:
If you are having a difficult time listening to the podcast, try listening on the following apps: Himalaya and Bullhorn.

My contact information:
#youdonthaveto
Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM

Tik Tok at 2podcastertoo

https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Childless not by Choice

enDecember 19, 2023

Episode 156--Grief…Again, Hiatus, Love, Loss

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 156 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Grief…Again, Hiatus, Love, Loss

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Childless not by Choice

enOctober 01, 2023

grief

loss

childlessandparentless

deathofaparent

Episode 155--My Conversation with Stephanie Joy Phillips, Founder of World Childless Week

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 155 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

My Conversation with Stephanie Joy Phillips, Founder of World Childless Week

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

I remember doing a past episode on the different reasons for childlessness. And I recall discussing the fact that there are many reasons for childlessness. You mention in your bio that being in an abusive relationship caused you to take contraceptives so you wouldn’t get pregnant by your partner. Can you speak a little more on that because I know there are listeners who can probably relate.
Tell us how best to deal with unsympathetic doctors. Did you get a second opinion?
What caused you to create World Childless Week?
How do we get involved, where do we listen?
Tell us about the letters that were recently created, for libraries and for jobs.
On your website, you mention that one week per year World Childless Week shows up to remind us how we matter, but that you are available year-round. What does the platform do for the rest of the year?
Give us a final word of encouragement for the childless not by choice community, and tell us how we can find you on social.

BIO:

Stephanie spent a large part of her twenties in an abusive relationship and took the contraceptive pill to ensure children would not be born into that situation. In her early thirties, she met her husband-to-be but they didn't try to conceive until nearing forty. At the age of 39, she was told by an unsympathetic doctor "If he manages to get you pregnant it is highly unlikely you'll carry the full term". She knew at that moment, she would never be a mum.

In 2016 Stephanie Joy Phillips founded three childless support groups on Facebook: Childless Path To Acceptance focuses on support, Childless Chit Chat is a trigger-free zone, and Childless Perks!! is all about laughter and finding the positives of being childless, without a parent saying 'I told you so'.

In 2017 after realising there was no national recognition of the childless community she founded World Childless Week. Seven days that enables the childless community to have a platform where they can find their voice and share their stories with confidence.

Steph lives in Worcestershire with her husband and two rescue cats, Storm and Tea-Cup. She enjoys gardening, arts and crafts, a good book, dining out, and relaxing in front of the television with a puzzle book and one of her two cats snuggled up beside her".

Her website:

www.WorldChildlessWeek.net

Articles/links of interest:

Inclusive Libraries Project:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/inclusive-libraries-project

Inclusion of WCW in employer calendar:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/employer-calendar

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Childless not by Choice

enSeptember 05, 2023

Let Me Catch You Up!

Hello, and welcome to episode 154 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Let Me Catch You Up

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Special thank you to:

You, the Childless not by Choice Podcast Listener.
Everyone who made suggestions on how to feel better while in Denver.

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Civilla M. Morgan
civilla@civillamorgan.com
www.childlessnotbychoice.net
Podcast: Childless not by Choice
Facebook.com/childlessnotbychoice/Facebook.com/civillamorgan
Twitter=@civilla1
Instagram= @joyandrelevance
Pinterest=Civilla M. Morgan

Copyright 2023©

Childless not by Choice

enAugust 29, 2023

Episode 153--My Eight Year Podcastiversary--Milestones and Lemonade

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 153 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

Welcome to my eight-year podcastiversary!

What is today’s show about?

My Eight-Year Podcastiversary!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to say a special thank you to the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors. Some of you have been donating/giving/contributing, for years!

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Before we get started though, I want to give a heads-up to those who listen to the Childless not by Choice podcast on the Stitcher Podcatcher app. Unfortunately, Stitcher is going away effective August 29, 2023. They say you may listen on their sister app Pandora. Many of you may know Pandora as a music app which it is, but Pandora started hosting podcasts a few years ago.

If you use the Stitcher app, there are instructions in the app on how to export your shows so you don’t have to go one by one searching from them in another Podcatcher app.

And as I always say, the Childless not by Choice podcast can be found on just about any podcatcher app including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Himalaya, Bullhorn, Google Podcast, you name it, the podcast is there!

Of course, if you have any questions about how to listen to the podcast, reach out in the Childless not by Choice Facebook Group, email me at civilla@civillamorgan.com, or Message me on social.

So, I want to talk to you for a few minutes about Milestones and Lemonade!

Milestone: I have been talking to you for eight years and I love it! A great big thank you to the long-time listeners! And a great big welcome to all of the new listeners! I’m so happy you found us! If you have been listening since the beginning, you have been journeying with me through episodes where I had fabulous guests. Times of Me only episodes, aka monologue episodes. You stayed with me through my grief at the loss of my mommy, and you have continued with me as I continue to care for my dad. You’ve journeyed with me by listening to the episodes that I created to help you on your journey, but you have given me grace for my journey. Thank you.

Lemonade. I love lemons! The nice, fresh, ripe lemons that you roll on the kitchen counter a few times before cutting them in half and squeezing them to make lemonade, or squeezing them on seafood to create another level of flavor! But life’s lemons are a whole ‘nother story right?! What lemon or lemons are you dealing with right now? We all get lemons in this life. And I believe although the lemon fruit adds another level of taste to many dishes, including lemonade, life’s lemons can feel harsh. Breathtakingly so sometimes. Until you turn them into lemonade. Remember, life is filled with choices. Unless you decide, choose, to make the best of the life you have been given; the childless not by choice life, things can become, and stay overwhelming for a very long time. Who wants that? Life is too short. Do the best you can with where you are, how you are, and when you are. Most of us don’t have full control over our jobs, our family members, where we live, etc., but whatever you can control, or manage, do. It will be good for your mental health. What is also good for your mental health is also to know the difference between what you can control and what you cannot.

PIVOT

Milestone. The first time I interviewed a man on the podcast was back in 2015! Link in the show notes! I couldn’t believe I had not considered men. It was a whole different conversation. Of course right? Please listen to the episode! https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/childless-not-by-choice-from-a-mans-point-of-view-with-fellow-podcaster-dr-vibe

Episodes with authors–I searched through the back catalog and found about seven episodes where I had the great opportunity to interview authors who have written on the subject of childlessness. If you have not listened to the back catalog, why not give it a try? I’m saying that knowing full well, like most podcasters, that our earlier work can feel cringe to us, but hey, it also shows how the show has matured.

Speaking of: It’s OK to re-listen to an episode. Just like we re-watch certain movies or shows, we can re-listen to a podcast episode. I notice that every time I have re-watched or re-listened, I catch something I missed the first time. Now, in full transparency, every time you listen, that is a download for me. But honestly, if downloads were all I cared about, I would have quit podcasting a long time ago. There’s a show I watch that is now in its seventh season! I have re-watched most of the episodes multiple times. And I am always shocked at what I missed the first or even the second time I watched. I guess it depends on what we may have been doing, aka multitasking, the first or second time we watch or listen to something. Also, an episode may affect you differently now, than it did when it first came out. So there’s that!

Lemonade. I want to re-visit patronage and giving: If you find value in the content. If the podcast has helped you in any way, consider giving/contributing. I would like to continue creating this podcast, and regardless of the contributions, I will continue. Honestly, if I ever stopped the podcast it would not be because of the finances on the platform. It would be because it is time. But being able to use your contributions to pay for things on the platform, is so cool! Once again, to those of you who give regularly, thank you! If you have been thinking about it but just have not gotten around to it, why not sign up during this time of my podcastiversary celebration? It would be truly appreciated. While I am asking, would you consider leaving a review at Apple Podcast to help bring recognition to the podcast? Anything you can do to help bring recognition to the podcast would be greatly appreciated!

Once again thank, thank you for being here. I see you, I think of you, you are worthy, you are here for a reason. You are fabulous! Don’t forget that! Here’s to another eight years. Cheers!

Special thank you to:

Everyone who listens to the podcast!

Childless not by Choice

enAugust 01, 2023

Episode 152--Father's Day, Again

Hello, and welcome to episode 152 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Father’s Day

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

It may be a little ironic, or maybe not, but I have not created a fresh June episode because I am caring for my dad. Many of you have heard bits and pieces in previous episodes, that I am his primary caregiver. And it is an honor. The last few months, as in since about the end of February, he has battled on through multiple medical issues. And I have battled to advocate for him. Unfortunately, advocating feels like an uphill battle. It sometimes feels like the medical community wants to dictate how I should not care for my father because they know best, even if they just see him as another elderly person.

There were several times when I thought ‘This is it, he’s not going to make it.’ But he continues to be with us. I cherish and thank God for every single day, every minute, I get with him.

Being a caregiver who works, means that I am on the run from the moment my eyes open in the morning, until bedtime. I do my very best to get at least seven hours, otherwise, there would just be no way to maintain my schedule. No. Way. Bottom line, sleep keeps me from falling apart.

I want to thank you for your patience as I navigate my life as it currently is, and my podcasting schedule. Not to pat myself on the back, but because I do take this podcast so seriously, the research, the guests, the everything; being able to go back and ask you to listen to a previous episode, which is what I am asking you to do this month; does not feel like a cop-out.

I have had the great privilege of having fabulous guests throughout the life of this podcast. The episode 143 guest, Dr. Robin Hadley, is no different. Episode 143 first aired in August of 2022. Please take a listen.

Thank you!

Articles/links of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-143-the-things-men-talk-about-my-conversation-with-dr-robin-hadley/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-130-about-fathers-day-and-childlessness/

Special thank you to:

Dr. Robin Hadley

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Childless not by Choice

enJune 18, 2023

Episode 151--Without an Anchor on Mother's Day

Without an Anchor on Mother's Day

Hello, and welcome to episode 151 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Mother’s Day and Childlessness

But first: Are you following the Childless not by Choice podcast? This podcast, my podcast? It’s really easy to do and costs nothing. Simply go to Apple podcast, search for Childless not by Choice podcast, and follow. As soon as a new episode comes out, you are notified. As a follower, you get the new episode about a week before I start promoting it on social media.

Also, if you are a patron of the show, meaning you make a financial contribution to the show, more on that in a second, you get to be in the know first, whenever something new is happening!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

This is year four since my mom left this world. I hear tell year three is the worst year of grieving a loss. Does that make year four and beyond, are more manageable? Maybe, but one of the important lessons I learned along the grieving journey, is that people grieve differently.

I’m glad I learned that early because I would have been upset at certain people that did not seem to grieve the way I was grieving.

I also realized that my grief wasn’t necessarily more important, it was just different. And different can happen for many reasons. It can happen if you were the last person to see that person alive, or you were the primary caregiver. It does not mean that the people who were not there or who were not the primary caregiver are not grieving. It just means that people will grieve differently.

That, again, was a very, very important lesson to learn, because I know I would have been upset if I did not get that understanding early.

So, does year four and beyond bring lesser grief? I don’t think so. I think grief just becomes more manageable with time. That’s it.

I find that I smile more when talking about my mom now. I was told that would happen, but I did not believe it! My mom had jokes. She loved to laugh. I am convinced she would have loved Tik Tok. I’ve mentioned this in the past, but she even got jokes out of the evening news. Go figure!

Sometimes I think about the jokes she told over and over, about her childhood. There are inside jokes I will take with me to my grave. There are things she made me promise not to tell. Mostly benign things to be honest. But I will honor her memory by keeping my promises to her.

No matter how young or old you are when you lose your mother, it doesn’t matter, in my opinion. Your mother is your anchor. When you lose her, you lose your anchor, at least temporarily. That was something else I learned early in my grief journey. I couldn’t figure out the feeling I had. I felt lost, and it was scary. Then someone mentioned that she felt anchorless after losing her mother. I remembered thinking, ‘That’s it! That’s the feeling I had, but did not understand.’

It’s so important, at least for me, to listen to other people’s grief journey. It doesn’t mean mine will be the exact journey, it just means I can glean something, and I have. A lot. I have heard some women say things like ‘It’s been 20 years since I lost my mom, and I still miss her so much!’ I was like What?! I can’t feel like this for 20 years!

But now, four years in, I realize what they mean. It’s still early days for me, but I can see how you can miss someone forever but still be able to manage life even as you manage loss.

If you do not or did not get along with your mother, if she did not care for you like a mother should, or the way you needed her to, I believe you can feel anchorless as well. I believe it is definitely a type of loss. And I’m sorry for your loss. I hope and pray for you, a peace that passes all understanding as you continue on your life’s journey.

Is there a convergence at a certain point in life as we continue on our childless not by choice journey, where the two types of grief: the loss of a mother and childlessness, converge?

I think maybe yes. For me, off and on I’ve felt a little off-kilter because there is no one to look back to for guidance, comfort, or commiseration, which is what I got from my mom. And no one to look forward to, in a child, to see what’s going on in the next generation. The only real connection I have to the next generation would be the young people in my life, mainly my nephews. I get a little snippet of what the next generation is dealing with, managing, and experiencing, by watching little snippets of their lives.

I’m a little out of touch with the current music and other trends because, I believe, I don’t have kids. Although honestly, I don’t think anything beats 80’s music!

If you have younger nieces and nephews whose lives you are allowed/able to be a part of, create a relationship with them. It’s easier when they are younger of course, but no matter when it is, start if you haven't already, make a genuine attempt. Even if it’s a card every once in a while, a gift card to their favorite place on their birthday, going to a game when you can, you know. Something that shows them you care. You can do all of that without being pushy. Let me know how it works, or if you need any tips. I am so honored to be a part of my nephew's lives. I hope you can have the same or similar experiences.

Well, before I leave you, let me give you some reminders:

Mother’s Day is a day of recognition. There are many fabulous moms, step-moms, foster moms, grandmothers who are taking the place of moms, aunt-moms, you name it, there are some fabulous women out there doing fabulous things to raise fabulous kids, which in turn keeps society together. Because without them, there would be societal mayhem. If you think things are bad now…if you are one of these people I just listed, thank you!
If you are childless not by choice, remember that you are worthy. We are worthy. With or without the recognition on Mother’s Day, we are worthy! If we are alive we have a role to play in this world. Never let anyone allow you to feel less than.
Practice mental health. If it means staying off of social media, do that. If it means skipping a ‘Mother’s Day luncheon’, skip it. If you recall from earlier episodes, I had stopped going to church on Mother’s Day after my mom passed. I only went to honor her. If there was a luncheon, I went to honor her. Now that she’s gone, I skip church on Mother’s Day. Practice mental health. Whatever that is for you. And don’t let anyone try to guilt you into doing anything you prefer not to do.
Create and maintain those firm but kind boundaries I talk about all the time, so that number three becomes easier to do. It will, I promise.

Do you recall from episode 150 where I mentioned that most childless not by choice listeners probably have had or will have some type of surgery? Well, I asked the question in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook page, and I got a number of responses! Feel free to email me at civilla@civillamorgan.com Messenger me on Facebook or Instagram, and let me know. I will keep the poll open for a while longer, and share the statistics on a later episode. You all know I love statistics!

#youdonthaveto

Special thank you to:

‘Mareshah Miller, for this quote: ‘Mothers in disguise are called aunts.’

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Childless not by Choice

enMay 07, 2023

Episode 150-What Manner of Scar Tissue Mayhem is This!

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 150 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Scar Tissue

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Talk about what put me in the hospital for four days in early March.

So, on March 3rd I found myself in the worst belly pain I have ever had. The pain felt very similar to a pain I had the year before, but the pain had gone away by the next day. This time, it wasn’t going away. By the next day, I made the decision to go to the emergency room. I told them what was going on with this immense pain in my stomach, and they took an MRI of my belly. The test results came back: partially blocked intestines. I was like what?! What does that even mean? It turns out that what was causing the partial blockage was scar tissue.

I asked then scar tissue from what!? My last surgery for anything was in 2011! I was told it did not matter how long ago the surgery was, scar tissue can come back to haunt you at any time. The whole thing sounded out of this world. Unbelievable.

For a fleeting moment, I thought about how all those surgeries I had for a decade, as I tried to buy time. Should I have had the hysterectomy earlier? I should have skipped all of the myomectomies. But the fact is looking back is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything.

I guess the medical staff was used to this because immediately they gave me a concoction to coat my stomach and quell the pain. They also offered some very strong pain medication, but I declined it as I wanted to be alert and aware. I had gone to the emergency room alone, and my dad had recently been put into rehab. I wanted to be coherent for any possible phone call from the rehab center as he had been there less than a week.

Talk about the statistics for childless women over 50.

So, according to Statista, a statistics company, 15.4% of women over 50 are childless. Why am I mentioning this, because well, I’m, um, a certain age? Ok, I’m in that age group. OK, but I’m talking about this because as I mentioned earlier when I got the MRI results that I had a partially blocked intestines, the first things that started to come to my mind were ‘I should have had the hysterectomy earlier’, ‘I should not have waited an entire decade’, ‘why did I try to buy time?’ All of these questions! Until I made myself stop! Questioning, second-guessing, none of that would change anything now.

Discuss how not to get scar tissue

I have an article on the website www.childlessnotbychoice.net about post-operation behavior to help you heal better and avoid scar tissue. Link in the show notes I knew that avoiding scar tissue was and is very important. I thought I had done everything I could to avoid scar tissue, but I guess not!

Discuss stress, adhesions, and scar tissue

I was told that this type of issue, pain, is typically brought on by stress. And yes, I have been under a lot of stress the last few months. I have been trying to figure out how stress could bring this on. This isn’t my first bout with stress since my last surgery in 2011. But maybe it is a combination of high stress and just plain getting older.

Research links:

https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2010/06/25/childlessness-up-among-all-women-down-among-women-with-advanced-degrees/

Articles/links of interest:

https://kashmirobserver.net/2023/03/17/finding-hope-and-happiness-beyond-childlessness/?unapproved=45353&moderation-hash=17d1478d87afd99cead8a3fcc981ecba#comment-45353

Special thank you to:

The hospital staff that cared for me during my four-day stay.

Childless not by Choice

enApril 18, 2023

childlessnotbychoice

childlessness

civillamorgan

Episode 149--Celebrating Women's History Month

Hello, and welcome to episode 149 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

International Women’s Month

NOTE: I called it International Women’s History Month on the podcast. That’s OK, right?

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

So March is International Women’s History Month. There is so much that can be said about how far we as women have come, and how far we have yet to go. I guess it is like any other so-called minority. There is yet work to be done. And we cannot afford to rest. But we can stop to celebrate every once in a while. Celebration gives us hope for the future, highlights those who have come before us, and those we see as the future.

I thought about highlighting women who have worked to make life better for all women whether nationally here in the US, or internationally. Either way, their work helps us in every corner of the globe. But I’ve done that. It took two episodes to do it too. That’s how many fabulous childless not by choice women there have been, and are. The links are in the show notes for episodes 78 and 79–Childless not by Choice Women Who Changed The World!

But there are two women I have watched and admired for years, and who honestly, let me put the word out, I would love on my podcast! I have admired them for their class and grace in the face of a world that can be really harsh toward women who never had children.

And may I remind you, I talk about the childless not by choice. That is what this podcast has always been about, but if a woman decides she would rather not have children, it is not society’s business. It is her business. Why can’t we mind our own business?

Calling a woman a crazy cat lady because she never had children, says more about the name-caller than it does about the woman. I mean, we don’t typically get to know the real reason a woman never had children unless you listen to a podcast like mine. And I doubt name-callers have the time to actually do the research before calling people names and deriding them. Us.

Anyway:

Tracee Ellis Ross…

Tracee Ellis Ross is the daughter of Legend Diana Ross. She recently talked about not having children, and about going through perimenopause, saying 'I Can Feel My Body's Ability To Make A Child Draining Out Of Me’. Woah! Never thought about it quite like that before!

She never married, so I feel like I have at least two things in common with this legend in her own right. There is a link in the show notes with the entire article. There are actually two links in the show notes with content about Tracee Ellis Ross. Please check them out. No one escapes the joys and sadnessess of life, and I’m sure she has her moments, but I love the way she shows up and does life with positivity, poise, and charm, no matter what.

https://afrotech.com/tracee-ellis-once-addressed-her-black-ish-pay-gap-publicly-i-wanted-to-be-compensated-in-a-way-that-matches-my-contribution?item=5

https://www.essence.com/lifestyle/tracee-ellis-ross-perimenopause/

Jennifer Anniston

In a February 2023 Marie Claire article, Jennifer Anniston talked about the way she used to feel about the rumor mongers and naysayers who knew nothing about her personal life, saying “I used to take it all very personally — the pregnancy rumors and the whole 'Oh, she chose career over kids' assumption,” she told the publication. “It’s like, ‘You have no clue what’s going with me personally, medically, why I can’t … can I have kids?’ They don’t know anything, and it was really hurtful and just nasty.”

We really need to lift each other up as women and keep in mind that everyone has a story. And furthermore, we do not know everyone’s story. How could we? It always amazes me how absolute strangers believe they have the right to voice an opinion about another person’s life.

The link is in the show notes for the full article. Please check that out as well!

https://www.marieclaire.com.au/jennifer-aniston-no-kids-career-comment

So, remember, no matter where on the planet you are, fabulous woman, childless woman, childfree woman, a woman with children; I am thinking of you, hoping for you praying for you, speaking up for you.

You are worthy. You are valued. You are here for a reason. Happy International Women’s month!

There are lots of research links in the show notes for this episode. One in particular that I found interesting because they discuss childlessness, childfree-ness, singleness, single and childess. I mean they discussed all the angles of childlessness. Check it out!

Research links:

Articles/links of interest:

https://womenshistorymonth.gov/

https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org/womens-history-month/womens-history-month-history/

https://ifstudies.org/blog/1-in-4-projecting-childlessness-among-todays-young-women

https://afrotech.com/tracee-ellis-once-addressed-her-black-ish-pay-gap-publicly-i-wanted-to-be-compensated-in-a-way-that-matches-my-contribution?item=5

Podcast links mentioned in the episode:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-79-part-two-11-childless-not-by-choice-women-who-changed-the-world/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-78-11-childless-not-choice-women-changed-world-part-one/

https://www.marieclaire.com.au/jennifer-aniston-no-kids-career-comment

Special thank you to:

All the women in the world!

My contact information:

Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.

Childless not by Choice

enMarch 27, 2023

Episode 148--Beg, Plead, Bargain, Repeat!

Hello, and welcome to episode 148 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Beg, Plead, Bargain, Repeat!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

I begged, plead, and bargained with God for a family. I wanted at least one kid, a boy. It was always a boy. I even had a name picked out.

You know, it is important not to tell people your business. It was so long ago so I don’t know I don’t know why I mentioned the name out loud, but one day I did.

The first time I heard the name I felt an instant connection. I started researching the meaning, the definition and found it quite fitting for all I had been going through. The tons of fibroids, all of the myomectomies, the crying myself to sleep. The name reaps up painful memories of a challenging part of my journey.

Someone named one of her children that very name. It broke my heart. Honestly, I kinda felt somewhere deep down at that time, that I would not be having a child. But there was still a tiny window of hope. If that makes sense.

I worked at a certain company years ago where I recall all the young moms planning day trips to child-friendly locales. I wasn’t jealous, I thought it was beautiful. It was their way of getting their little people out of the house and getting themselves out of the house as well. All of these young women got along, so they wanted their kids to get along. Nothing wrong with that. But of course, I remained silent. I had nothing to contribute, even to say what a beautiful idea, could possibly make me a target.

I remained stoic, staring at my computer, as they all buzzed around me making their plans.

I know some of you are in that part of the journey right now. And all I can tell you, as trite as it may sound, ‘this too shall pass’. It really will. And the other thing I will tell you is don’t pretend. Yes, it’s OK to smile through your day if that’s what you do, but please go to therapy.

At that point in my life, I had not gone to therapy yet. In fact, it was just before I went. Please go to therapy. Do nice things for yourself as often as you can during this time. Go to the beach, go to your favorite coffee shop, your favorite museum, or whatever makes you happy. And tell yourself every day, that you are worthy. You are not a second-class citizen. You are here for a reason. Remind yourself of all the good things about you, and work on whatever you need to work on to make yourself an even better human. That’s for you to know and to work on.

I am no longer dealing with children issues, I guess it’s grandchildren issues now. I mean it is never going to end, so the best thing we can do for ourselves is to belong to Community, the childless not by choice community. It has grown so much over the last few years. There is a place for you no matter where in the world you are.

You know, as I recall the times of crying myself to sleep, as I listened to my biological clock tick, tick, tick. Begging God to answer my prayers, as things got progressively worse. And then the time came for me to have a hysterectomy. No answer. No response. Those are times that I look back on with a modicum of pain, but I am still here, so I believe my life events have strengthened me. In fact, empowered me. I know the same can be for you. Just hang in there no matter where in the journey you are.

That boy’s name. I won’t mention it. Maybe one day I will. But not today. It is a powerful name. You may try to figure it out. Be my guest. Hint: It’s not a person’s name, but it could be.

You know, I can say that my childless not by choice experience is based on this name. I got nothing out of my life that I expected or wanted. The life I wanted, expected, was somehow sacrificed. Yes, the name is very fitting.

I had to make the decision to push through. To not be bitter. To decide not to be bitter. It is an actual choice, a decision. It doesn’t just happen.

If you don’t make the decision, the results of life will make the decisions for you. And life’s choices, and decisions, are not usually good. We have to literally wash the lemons, cut them up, squeeze them into cold water, with some vanilla or lemon essence, and some sugar. YOu have to literally make the lemonade. Make the best of the life you have been given.

Before I let you go, I want to read this poem to you. I was searching for a notebook to take notes for a course I am taking. Knowing me I figured I had to have an unused notebook somewhere. I happily found the notebook I needed, and there was a folded piece of paper sticking out. It’s dated June of 2004.

Research links:

2004 poem I wrote and just found on the back of a notebook on Sunday, January 15, 2023:

I don’t care how light or dark my baby is, I just want a baby.

I just want him to be healthy.

‘Ten fingers, ten toes, two feet, two hands, and a nose!

Two eyes, two ears; if it's a girl, enough hair for her bows.

Dimples on her cheeks like grandma, or a dimple in the chin like me and grandpa.

Kicking around when she has a pamper change, rolling over which starts her independence stage.

A girly girl, or a boy full of energy; either one, it does not matter to me.

I’ll take one of each at the same time, that would be a sight to see.

Everyone loves twins you see, especially me!

–Civilla (June 2004).

Episode quotes:

‘Do the best you can with what’s left of your heart.’-Civilla

'The journey does not end, the terrain changes.'-Civilla

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.yicaiglobal.com/news/one-tenth-of-chinese-women-are-childless-up-from-6-cpdrc-says

https://people.com/parents/chelsea-handler-explains-why-she-doesnt-want-kids/#:~:text=Chelsea%20Handler%20is%20ruling%20out,see%20children%20in%20her%20future.

Childless not by Choice

enFebruary 20, 2023

Episode 147--Race, Gender, (in) Equality, and Childlessness, my Conversation with Yvonne John

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 147 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

My conversation with Yvonne John–Author of Dreaming of a Life Unlived, Speaker, and advocate for the Childless not by Choice community.

But first…

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Today’s guest has visited us before. Tune into episode 103, link in the show notes to hear our first conversation. I Invited her back because she has done quite a bit since our last conversation. Check out her website, www.findingmyplanb.com, to see what I mean. And we will be talking about some of the things today. I can’t wait.

Hi Yvonne…

Talk about the blogs on The Agojie People portrayed in The Woman King and the blog on Annie Turnbo Malone. I actually went straight to the Annie Turnbo Malone post because, well there is a lot of history, most of it negative, unfortunately, about black hair. I did not know she developed and patented the straightening comb! Your blogs are very informative Yvonne! Before we get started, can you tell us about the photo project you were a part of, and if there is a link or website we can go to?

Tell us about your role or contribution to The Gateway Women’s Reignite weekend workshops.

And you are training to be a therapist. Do you have a certain topic in mind will it be geared to childless not by choice?

And Ted (Talk) tell us about Ted now that you’ve put the word out.

I'll also be taking part in the WhittyGordon Projects 'Edge Of Visibility' Film - The film is about changing the narrative about women over 50 as being past it and recognising and shining light on strong women who are embracing the next phase of their lives in a way that is individual, creative and unapologetic.

I know you said you would be doing a Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood, is that done or is it upcoming?

Thank you for all you do in the childless not by choice community, and in particular for the women of color in the childless not by choice community. Any final words for the listeners before we go?

Yvonne’s Contact Information:

https://findingmyplanb.com

Articles/links of interest:

http://www.whittygordon.com/

Talk by Yvonne John at Melanie Stidolph’s solo exhibition ‘As it is seen.’

https://melaniestidolph.com/

Talk at the Recovery College ‘Childlessness’ session about/on Dealing with the Loss of Motherhood

Interview by Lauren McMenemy from Minds@Work on being CNBC and how that impacts mental health at work

Watch Yvonne in conversation with Lauren McMenemy

here: https://youtu.be/--t1zrteCZY

My first conversation with Yvonne John:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-103-childlessness-is-not-an-illness-3/

Remember the conversation about the photographer at the beginning of the episode? Here’s the link to his website:

https://www.cephaswilliams.com/

Sarah Baartman images:

http://bit.ly/3VQNhR9

Triggers episode:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about David Richo:

https://davericho.com/books/

As mentioned in the episode, here is a link to information about Richard Rohr:

https://store.cac.org/collections/richard-rohr?_=pf&display=list&gclid=Cj0KCQiA45qdBhD-ARIsAOHbVdG-lzau4TsDX2DH-JKi_QHLI9trYICuGe6jd6QLAVir7gThA0JKAboaAr5eEALw_wcB

Quote:

‘If you do not share your story, you will show your story.’--Richard Rohr.

Special thank you to:

Yvonne John

My Patrons

Childless not by Choice

enJanuary 17, 2023

Happy New Year 2023

Hello, and welcome to episode 146 and one half— the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Happy New Year!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Mention annual goals template
Consider becoming a patron–Patreon or PayPal
Episode 147–airs soon!

Articles/links of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

Childless not by Choice

enJanuary 13, 2023

Episode 146--The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays

Hello, and welcome to episode 146 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. This is the December 2022 episode. Our holiday episode! Thanks for stopping by! Well, the last two months the podcast has been on hiatus, and I am happy to be back!

What is today’s show about?

Childless not by choice during the holidays!

Over the last few years, I have talked to us, reminded us, of how to be, how to do, as childless not by choice people during the holidays!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

**PLEASE CONSIDER BECOMING A PATREON PATRON THIS YEAR**

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Thank you to the listeners from different countries. A great big thank you to all of my listeners all over the world. From Australia to Tanzania, from China to Luxembourg, from Ghana to America. From India to Austria. You all are tuning in and listening! Thank you!

I continue to be humbled!

I would also like to thank those who reached out to me via Messenger and email. I am so glad the podcast is helping you. Please keep listening!

Episodes coming up in 2023.

So, I am working on more great episodes for 2023! I feel like 2022 had a theme of health. We talked about food, diet, well-being, exercise, mental health, and all the things that strengthen us from the inside out. I did not plan a theme for 2023, but I feel like it will come together beautifully just like 2022.

In the meantime, sit with me for a few, and let’s talk.

The heart of the childless not by choice during the holidays. I don’t know about you, but I can feel the feelings creeping in right around October. I start to feel un-holiday-ish. I tell myself that I will not celebrate this year. I’m just not up for all the pomp and circumstance of it all.

But as November rolls in, the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I try to get myself in the mood. And the thing is, I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving gives me a chance to cook and bake. Christmas typically gives me a chance to catch up with family and friends.

Getting into the festive mood takes work these last few years though. I had that childish anticipation all the way through adulthood. But it has dimmed, and I know that it is at least in part because my mom is gone. And we all have heard how the holidays can magnify loss. It’s true, they do magnify loss.

If you are going through and dealing with the same feelings, don’t ignore them. Recognize them, admit them to yourself, and take them one day at a time. But don’t allow your feelings to dictate your decisions. That is one thing my dad told me years ago. Feelings change. So when you are making your decisions about how to spend your holidays, be intentional. Intentional: it is our keyword for this episode because intentionality is very important. And it is different from than intention. You see, we can intend to do something and never get around to it. But intentional means we are making decisions actively. We are actively involved in our decision-making and in our decisions.

Sometimes we have to intentionally show up at the gatherings, sometimes it feels like we have no choice. We have elderly family members whom we do not know how many more family gatherings we will spend with them. And then at the other end of the spectrum, we have young family members with whom we would like to build a positive relationship.

But I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with making different plans once in a while. Life is short. It’s short for everyone.

The thing about making different plans for the holidays or any other time is that we have to then stand by them. We have to practice standing by our decision once we have made our plans. The way to stand by plans and decisions is to weigh those plans and decisions carefully. Weighing, deciding, and then standing.

I think we get better at weighing, deciding, and then standing as we mature.

You know life is filled with disappointments. And sometimes we may have wished we had made different decisions, but the fact is, no one is perfect. All we can do is the best we can do.

We have to decide to make certain decisions about our lives. We don’t know how much time we have. Any of us.

So thinking about ourselves more does not mean we are selfish. Everyone is living their lives. Are they selfish for caring for their spouses, children, their work-life balance? They wouldn’t think so. I don’t think so.

It is definitely OK and healthy, to care for ourselves, to consider ourselves. To love ourselves. To speak kind words to ourselves, and practice makes perfect.

Here are five ways we can love, consider, and protect ourselves:

Look in the mirror every morning as you wash your face or put on your makeup, and smile at yourself.
Say kind words to yourself, even when you have messed up. Never, never, never call yourself names, even in jest. Never.
Do not allow others to call you names, even in jest. If someone is calling you names and says they are joking, be aware.
I realize some of you live in parts of the world where pushing back can be dangerous. If you are not able to push back on the name-calling or mistreatment, practice speaking silently to yourself and saying ‘I do not receive that.’ Do not allow negativity into your spirit, your heart, or your mind. You would be surprised to know how much unchecked negativity is affecting you. Do not receive it.
Do something kind for yourself on a regular basis. The women in my Facebook group know that I buy myself flowers on a regular basis. I work from home, so in the midst of all my office stuff, I get to glance over at my flowers every once in a while. They bring me a moment of joy as I work. Do something. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.

When the world, our world, realizes we have only good, positive intentions for ourselves, they will eventually come to realize that they are getting nowhere trying to get us to ‘come around'. That is why it is important for us to know ourselves, to respect ourselves, to be kind to ourselves.

If you don’t like and respect you, it will be difficult for others to like and respect you, even your own family members.

Consider this: if we are doing what everyone else wants us to do all the time, are we happy? Are we living our best, most joyful, and relevant lives?

You know, I did not know what gaslighting was until just a few years ago. But once I found out about it, I realized there were times during my life when I had been gaslit! I am glad I can now recognize it for what it is, and can act accordingly. Acting accordingly when being gaslit means recognizing it when it is happening, trusting your gut that it is happening, and then standing firm in the love and protection you created for yourself. I put an article in the show notes that defines gaslighting, and explains how to recognize it. Check it out. It’s intriguing.

And no, I did not take a sudden left turn and changed the subject. Gaslighting can happen to anyone. But it I believe we are more susceptible when we are heartbroken, grieving, and unaware of how worthy we are. We all as human beings have been through a lot these last few years.

We have suffered some form of loss, and then on top of that loss a pandemic. Some of us are still dealing with brain fog and other effects of COVID. I am dealing with serious brain fog. But honestly, I don’t know if it is COVID or being a woman of a certain age, or both. Either way lets practice those five things I mentioned earlier, especially as we head into a fresh new year. Let’s practice being intentional.

Closing:

Be sure to check out the show notes. I put some links in this episode's show notes that I believe you will like. For instance, there is an article here on the definition and effects of gaslighting. There is a link to my Only One in the Room interview. It’s always cool to be interviewed!

Thanks again to those who reached out to me during hiatus. You made my day! Remember, be kind to yourself!

See you in January!

Articles/links of interest:

https://punchng.com/court-dissolves-14-year-marriage-over-childlessness/

Video interview of my guest appearance on The Only One In The Room Podcast:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD8pPwm88c

Article on the definition and the effects of gaslighting

https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/gaslighting/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA99ybBhD9ARIsALvZavVGy2VRJhIZTWHsOBEFyrsuskUlywx_TwnYtS_cVrsCjtF2qwWuh24aAgC0EALw_wcB

Episode quotes:

Be intentional.

Five things we can do to love, consider, and protect ourselves.

Practice speaking silently to yourself…do not allow negativity into your heart and your mind.

Say kind words to yourself.

Special thank you to:

All of the wonderful listeners of the Childless not by Choice podcast!

All of the guests of the podcast!

All of the wonderful patrons of the platform!

Childless not by Choice

enDecember 02, 2022

Episode 145--Hiatus 2022, My Time at the Sand Pile

Hello! It’s me, Civilla! I wanted to stop by to let you know I am going on hiatus, returning in December with a fresh new episode.

While away, I will definitely be working. completing blogs I have not had much time to work on, planning 2023 episodes, and getting caught up on some much-needed rest!

Speaking of 2023 episodes, if you follow me on Instagram at Joyandrelevance, you heard my open call for 2023 episodes. For details, visit my Instagram page for details. I pinned the video to the top. In a nutshell though, if you or someone you know might be interested in being interviewed for my Childless not by Choice podcast in 2023, reach out to me at civilla@civillamorgan.com.

PLEASE NOTE: you must be childless not by choice. In other words, never able to have the child or children you wanted. Once I receive your email, I will schedule a time with you via Calendly, for a pre-interview. This does not mean there will be a guaranteed interview. I will not be able to interview everyone I speak to. And please do not be upset or offended if I do not think we should follow through. I will always put my listeners first, and I will not air an episode I do not feel will help them on their childless not by choice journey. I appreciate your understanding.

While I am away, please be sure to go back through the back catalog and listen to episodes you may have missed. Check out the website, and join one of the Facebook groups. The Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group is for women only, who never had children. The Supporters of the Childless not by Choice Community Facebook with Civilla Morgan is for anyone. If you are on Instagram, feel free to follow me at joyandrelevance for more content on childless not by choice, and for pictures. I love pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I am also on Pinterest, at civilla1. I post the episodes there as well. And I have thousands of pictures of everything I’m interested in. So there. I LOVE pictures!

In the meantime, in other news, I was honored to be a World Childless Week Champion for 2022. Click the link in the show notes to be taken to the World Childless Week website. World Childless Week 2022 went from September 12th to the 18th, so by the time you hear this, it will be over. But it takes place every September. Please do check out their site, get some knowledge and info, and be ready for next year! It was truly an honor to be asked!

Also, Michael Hughes of the Full Stop Pod podcast created a beautiful video of childless not by choice platform creators encouraging us all on this childless not by choice journey. Once it is available for public viewing I will let you know!

Next, I have also added the link in the show notes for a recent podcast interview. I was interviewed on the Only One In The Room Podcast! It was so exciting and I can’t wait for you to hear it. The link is in the show notes. I really felt like with this interview I was telling the world about us!

One more thing: if you would like to become a monthly patron of the podcast, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice.net. If you would like to make a one-time or every once in a while contribution, visit my Paypal account at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Every contribution, no matter how large or small, will go toward the podcast. In fact, I am thinking, after seven years of using the same equipment, of doing an upgrade. Changing my microphone and purchasing a new boom arm, to be exact. I have already purchased and am learning how to use an audio interface product. Thanks, Rob, my podcast producer, for your help.

So I have a story for you before I let you go. And I am telling you in the hopes it will encourage you as it did me:

On the day I am recording this episode, Hurricane Ian is headed straight at us. Every forecast says the entire state will be taking a hit. It is also a Sunday today.

My typical Sunday is to attend church online or in person. It’s what I have done every Sunday of my life unless I was sick. But with Ian headed our way, and having had to work all week, I had to order hurricane-type food curbside from my local grocery store yesterday.

Today I had to go top off my gas tank and then buy gas for our generator in case we lose power. But something I have never had to do before was to fill sandbags. I spent my Sunday morning buying gas and filling sandbags.

I will be honest, I was feeling pretty down. Much of the negative feelings came from the fact that I had lined up a lawn mowing company to mow our lawn, but he didn’t come through. The grass is high, if this storm comes through, there will be even more debris on top of the high grass.

I have no idea what is wrong with our lawn mower. So I sit here not knowing how or when our lawn will be mowed.

Back to the sand pile: I got to the location where people were filling sandbags, backed up to a sand pile, and realized everyone had their own shovels. I didn’t know you had to bring your own shovel. There were two women who had a shovel and a small bucket. They offered me their bucket. I was so thankful because it saved me a trip to the local box store as driving home was too far away.

I started filling sandbags and putting them in my trunk. Another vehicle pulled up with two men and a little girl, and they started shoveling. Suddenly one of the men said ‘why don’t you use one of my shovels instead of using that bucket?’ I thanked him profusely, handed the bucket back to the two ladies, thanked them; and continued to shovel.

I was trying to fill as many bags as I could because I knew I would have to give back the shovel when the men were leaving.

Several bags in, I heard when one of the men said to the little girl, ‘go ahead, ask her.’ Suddenly the little girl said, ‘ma’am would you like me to hold the back open so you can put the sand in?’ I told her how kind she was and thanked her for her help.

It looked like the men were finishing up. So I asked if they needed their shovel back. One of the men said ‘no, when we are finished we will help you with your bags.’

Whew, all of these people had no way of knowing how really low I had been feeling all morning! I feel like God knew how low I was feeling, and wanted to remind me that He is in the big things and the little things. He sent me to that sand pile.

If you ever feel like offering help to someone on this journey called life, do it. If they say no, it’s on them. You did your part. If they say yes, you can feel good in knowing you are helping to make this crazy world a better place for someone.

Here’s a quote from TobyMacSpeaks:

‘Some stranger somewhere remembers

you because you were kind to them.’

Well, you know how to reach me. Just remember to give me 24 to 48 hours to respond. Remember, everything you need to know about this episode is in the show notes!

See you in December!

Links mentioned:

World Childless Week

https://worldchildlessweek.net/events/2022/9/12/world-childless-week-2022

The Only One In The Room podcast interview

https://megaphone.link/LAV6430207146

https://cms.megaphone.fm/channel/LAV2696308372?selected=LAV6430207146

Childless not by Choice

enSeptember 26, 2022

Episode 144--Joyful Eating, my Conversation with Nutritionist Tansy Boggon

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 144 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Joyful Eating!

But first!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Jordan Morgan
The Knights
Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Intro:

I was thinking as I prepped for this episode that I don’t believe I’ve ever read a book by a nutritionist. I’m sure at some point most of us have read some type of nutrition flyer our doctor gave us at an appointment. Or maybe we googled a particular food, or even what food to eat for a certain medical complaint like certain fruit or vegetables are good for inflammation. Or if you are like me, I make many food decisions based on what I read on the label. I watch the sugar, salt, carbohydrates, etc. Well, except during my birthday month. But I digress!

Reading Joyful Eating was an eye opener as I think my biggest take aways were: not beating myself up over my weight, not feeling guilty about my food choices, to diet or not to diet, and my general relationship with food!

Today we are chatting with Nutritionist/ Author | Nutrition Writer | Recipe Developer | specialising in a non-diet and mindful eating approach, Mrs. Tansy Boggon. I put a link in the show notes to her website, blog, and social media contact. Tansy Boggon wife of our June interview guest Rob Hutchings! Link to that episode in the show notes! Hi Tansy, welcome to the show! We have so much to talk about!

Body of episode:

As I read your book Joyful Eating, I dog-eared and highlighted so many pages! And I love how you start with your food story, including the story of your mom and grandmother. Why did you choose to start Joyful Eating in this way? What caused you to become a nutritionist?

(pg 7, 13).

Do you believe the stress of childlessness, our self-worth even, can tie in with our relationship with food?

Well, speaking of the previous question, on page 26 you speak of ‘the myth of optimal health’. (read highlighted section). On Page 27 you say…read section). I thought it so intriguing and important to recognize that weight, healthy weight, can be relative to the doctor we are seeing: cardiologist, primary care provider, psychologist, etc. Tell us more!

Self-care is definitely important right? Many childless not by choice people are doing what they can healthwise to try to have kids. Then coming out the other side of not being able to have kids do you let go of your health and self-care, or find a happy medium? In fact, on page 70 you say that ‘accepting what is does not imply inaction’. I love that!

In our pre-interview, you said that ‘Life can bring joy even as a childless not by choice couple. It has brought a playfulness after the time of adulting and also trying to have a child’, Can you speak to the person listening who may be trying to figure out the ‘playfulness’ aspect of life, for those who have partners as well as those of us who do not?

7) Tell us about your children’s book, how is that done as a childless not by choice person? I mean there are lots of childless not by choice people working with children every day, but is it a giant step to write a book for and about children?

8) And of course, we understand that one’s comfort level around children relies on how raw, where you are in your CNBC journey, so definitely don’t beat yourself up if you just can’t be in the room at that moment. But tapping into the way children see the world is a beautiful way for childless not by choice people see the world.

NOTE:

Chapter two of Joyful Eating is available as a free download from Tansy’s website.

Articles/links of interest:

BLOG: https://www.joyfuleatingnutrition.com/single-post/personal-reflections/living-a-meaningful-life-without-children/

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-61-alternative-nutrition

‘The Weight of a Woman’, sequel to ‘Joyful Eating’

Nutrition for Children: ‘The Superheroes on Your Plate’.

This is the Rob Hutchings episode:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/

EPISODE CLIPS:

‘I acknowledge that my relationship with my food and my body are constantly evolving...’

‘We’ve been taught our whole lives that the way to change our bodies is to criticize, to put it down...’

‘...rather than focusing on this weight…we’re imposing an outcome that we want that is very arbitrary…based on what I believe, or the weight I was 20 years ago, or what we see in a magazine…’

‘I’m not going to have a tummy issue because I never had children…I have a tummy issue.’

‘Chapter

‘Health is not static, it’s dynamic.’

Special thank you to:

Tansy Boggon

Tansy’s Contact Information:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tansyboggon/

www.joyfuleatingnutrition.com

Childless not by Choice

enSeptember 19, 2022

Episode 142 -Seven Year Podcastiversary

Intro:

What is today’s show about?

My Podcastiversary!

Hello Guys and Dolls, welcome to episode 142! And seven years! I had no idea I would still be podcasting. I had no idea I would still like it, never mind the fact that I absolutely still love it!

That clip you just heard, was me responding to the question of the month on The School of Podcasting podcast. It is one of the podcasts for podcasters that I listen to on a regular basis. In fact, I interviewed the host of that show a while back. I will put the link in the show notes.

So, about the podcast: hearts are healing, minds are being refreshed, new people are finding the show, and childless not by choice people are boldly exploring new ways to live the childless not by choice life.

For instance: in episode 141 I spoke with Triathlete Rob Hutchings for our Father’s Day episode. We talked about his journey to adoption and how that journey ended without a successful adoption. But he and his wife have decided to live their best most relevant lives hiking, swimming, and traveling. Oh, and I will be interviewing Rob’s wife for a future episode!

In episode 140, Hiding in plain sight? One of my long-time listeners posted in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group that this episode spoke to her. I really loved hearing that!

Over the past year we have discussed, the need for hope, in episode 139, pre-and peri-menopause, episode 138, and episode 137 where I spoke to Sheri Johnson about worth. Our worth as childless not by choice people. By the way, if you want to hear Sheri interview me, check out her podcast Awakening Worth, episode 57! Whew! I got some serious feedback on that episode. I really enjoyed it!

Going all the way back to January of this year, 2022, there were two episodes that month. Episode 136 where I stop by to say Happy New Year! And episode 135, Where I speak to the one and only Sarah Roberts, founder of The Empty Cradle. That was a lovely episode and a wonderful way to start the new year!

It’s been a fabulous year so far! But there is so much more coming! I am not even sure I will take my two-month hiatus! If I decide to, I will stop by to let you know. Stay tuned!

So look, I would like to say a great big THANK YOU to all of you who tune in every month. For those who are just finding the podcast and the platform, for those who tell others about the podcast. Thank you.

Spreading the word is what I really want to happen now. I want more childless not by choice people around the world to feel hopeful about their lives although things did not turn out as expected.

I want you to know that even when you are feeling down or negative about life, those feelings are fleeting. You are worthy. You have as much right to be here as anyone else. Those thoughts and feelings come to the best of us. The key is to recognize them, but not entertain them. Don’t let them hang around for too long. Manage your mind and your heart regularly. What you entertain and allow to hang around, is what can overwhelm you. So look to be overwhelmed in a positive way.

I want to tell you a couple more things: one, I am on Tik Tok! I fought it for so long, but I finally joined the platform. I am slowly building content and I already have a small following! I will tell you that I get so many jokes from that platform. I can be having a really bad day, but if I tune in just before bedtime, I will definitely get a laugh or two! What I like about the platform is that it really picks up on what I like, so I will seldom get any craziness in my feed. If you are on Tik Tok, please do follow. I would love to hear from you! Drop a hello from time to time!

Also, one of the ways I really feel that getting the word out to every part of the world is using a podcast app that acts like a phone. And acting like a phone means the listener has the option to tune into the podcast by dialing in. The only app I am aware of that does this is an app called Bullhorn. If you live in a part of the world or you know someone who lives where data is difficult to obtain, or just plain expensive; try Bullhorn. And no, they are not sponsoring my podcast. I just love that their product can work for those where data can be an issue.

Well, I want to once again thank you for listening to the Childless not by Choice podcast. I hope you are subscribed, or as Apple calls it, following. I hope you are following. Remember, you can subscribe on the Apple app, but there are tons of other podcast apps out there. They are also called podcatchers. I am subscribed to multiple podcatcher apps, such as Stitcher, Gaana (which is an Indian app), Overcast, Himalaya, Bullhorn, Google Play, Podbean, and then of course Spotify, Pandora, and I am sure I am missing someone. So whatever your preference, I am probably there! If you ever have questions about subscribing, episode suggestions, anything, message me! I am happy to help!

Happy Podcastiversary! Keep listening!

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Jordan Morgan

The Knights
Susie
Tiffany
Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Jordan Morgan
The Knights
Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Articles of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-141-downriver-nomad-my-conversation-with-rob-hutchings/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/final-cnbc-ep-140/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/more-hope-please-and-other-things/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-137-what-is-your-worth-my-conversation-with-sheri-johnson/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-135-the-empty-cradle-my-conversation-with-counselor-sarah-roberts/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-116-my-conversation-with-dave-jackson-3/

Special thank you to:

My guests and listeners this past year.

TikTok: 2podcastertoo
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Childless not by Choice

enJuly 18, 2022

Episode 141--Downriver Nomad, my Conversation with Rob Hutchings

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 141 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Rob Hutchings: ‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Jordan Morgan
The Knights
Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Intro (for guest episodes):

Rob’s intro

Triathlete and marathon swimmer, Rob Hutchings takes us on a whirlwind journey from triathlons and his first marathon swim in his home country of Canada, to Ironman competitions across the pond. Then down under to Australia and New Zealand where he embarked on marathon adventures off the beaten track, on land, and in the water, which led to his biggest challenge – an unprecedented attempt at swimming the turbulent 256 km Clutha River.

In Downriver Nomad, Rob shares his story of adventures and adversities not only in the water, on the racecourse, and off the beaten track, but also his struggles with an alcoholic father and his own unsuccessful path to fatherhood.

His is a story of humor, heartbreak, and challenges that will inspire the absolute beginner in adventure sports to the seasoned endurance athlete. Join Rob on his nomadic adventures in triathlon, marathon swimming, and adventure sports, packed with hairpin bends, whirlpools, rock dodging, and white-water rapids.

Body of episode:

Questions for Rob Hutchings:

‘Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete’s Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids’

I thoroughly enjoyed your book and how you were able to combine your infertility journey with your passion for triathlon. It was beautifully done.

Tell us a little about the Australian adoption process, and how it is the way it is due to the history of ‘The Stolen Generation.’ (Pg 167)

So because of the Stolen Generation issue, Thailand is suggested. The process was harrowing! Then, not to give away too much of the book, you were advised to try adopting from Colombia (pg 169…). The whole process must have been more than stressful?

Those unsolicited questions and suggestions. My goodness, a number of years ago I interviewed the founder of Waiting Wombs. She is out of Kenya. As I read some of the suggestions you all were given to try to have a baby, I thought back to that episode. It occurred to me that suggestions, unsolicited suggestions are global! How did you and your wife deal with this? (Pg 147)

That trick question on the psych eval (pg 171). That was terrible! Every time I think about the grilling potential adoptive parents go through, I think about people who have kids naturally. They go through nothing. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be some type of process or protection of the children, but I find the process a little extreme, outside of any cultural history of abuse, as we discussed in The Stolen generation issue earlier. How did you make sense of the grilling, of not being believed?

I found it interesting how you discuss in the book, that couples wait in different ways, for word on adoption, and that indeed the stress can split some couples apart. Talk to us about the stress of waiting and any tips you can give couples for keeping their relationships from falling apart.

I did some research on your wife’s book Joyful Eating. (Pg 179) would it be OK to put a link to the information I found in the show notes? If you have info on how we can obtain the book, I can put that in the show notes as well.

You guys had me researching raw chocolate!

That final decision to stop the adoption process. (pg 181). I felt it deep in my heart. Honestly, the entire book brought out so much emotion. That type of writing takes a lot of talent. Kudos to you! Before we close out, any final words you can give to anyone listening who is still trying: to adopt, to go through IVF, whatever journey they are on?

Thank you so much for your time today Rob.

Articles/links of interest:

https://oceanswims.com/lifestyle/rob-hutchings-the-downriver-nomad/?fbclid=IwAR2fJWWPOstXR_S9e1OJgcX87qvG4UsaaSG0KXki_ed_y7XyyctM48_VRIE

Clutha River Swim:

Short version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVyqCkHTDrY

Long version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeIW6ioSHZA

https://www.saltwire.com/nova-scotia/sports/corner-brook-native-rob-hutchings-completes-swim-of-new-zealands-longest-river-419202/

Easter 2022 Marathon Swim:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/thurs-16-2021/childlessness-the-roughest-waters?fbclid=IwAR3xYw3UhJEcAorZI-OaANnbde4SxiStWoV9HsIV2eFx5XOrY9C7nyTIZvU

See the book synopsis and other endorsements here:

http://adventuresoutsidethelanes.com/downriver-nomad/

Joyful Eating by Tansy Boggon

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Joyful_Eating_How_to_Break_Free_of_Diets/W89UEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover

Special thank you to:

Rob Hutchings for joining us this episode.

Quotes from Rob:

'The river was in control, not me.' What I like about river swimming and childlessness really made this apparent to me...the river is in charge...this is.

'Life is a series of chaotic events.'

'Life is inherently chaotic...'

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life.’

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Childless not by Choice

enJune 01, 2022

Episode 140--Hiding In Plain Sight

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 140 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today’s show about?

Hiding in plain sight

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Jordan Morgan
The Knights
Your Name Here
https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: Info@civillamorgan.com

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Read my social media post for the month of May.

Body of episode:

This year I decided not to concentrate so much on Mother’s Day, but instead to concentrate on how those of us who are childless not by choice show up in the world, especially around days like Mother’s Day.

I would be remiss if I did not wish those listeners who are moms a Happy Mother’s Day. And of course, a very Happy Mother’s Day to our own moms, whether they are still with us or not.

As many of you know, my mom, my best friend, and favorite person ever; passed the week of Mother’s Day, 2019. Talk about making a grand exit. I miss her so much I still cry myself to sleep some nights.

Her birthday is at the end of March, but I promise you as soon as February hits my whole outlook on life changes. It’s like the sky just goes dim. April, no biggie. And then comes May.

I miss trying to figure out what to buy her for Mother’s Day. She loved scarves and brooches. And she loved a certain perfume that I won’t bother to mention. She also loved all the music by The Gaithers, so I usually tried to get her their latest CDs. I loved shopping for her.

Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day mommy. I love and miss you.

I would also like to say Happy Mother’s Day Mexico as Mother’s Day Mexico is on May 10th.

Well, if your mom is still here, and you are able to reach out, please try to do so. I know some relationships are frayed, I get it. I will leave that to you.

Either way, this time around, this episode is for those of us who are childless not by choice during the month of May.

Those of us who may be hiding in plain sight, or maybe deciding to do something different on Mother’s Day. In fact, one of the ladies in our Facebook group for women only, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group; asked what everyone does to get through Mother’s Day. The responses were varied. I loved that she asked the question.

Some responses included spending time with their own mothers, celebrating mothers in their lives, etc. If you have been listening long enough you know I stopped attending church on Mother’s Day. I had started going to my mom’s church with her to celebrate her. But now that she’s gone, I don’t go at all. Although I will probably watch online.

You know, when I think about hiding in plain sight, I think about those puzzles we did as children, and that we now do as adults to keep our brains active. You know, kinda like the Where’s Waldo puzzle searches. The item being searched for is right in front of us, but a lot of times we miss it.

As childless not by choice people though, are we being searched for, or are we typically ignored? And I don’t mean that to sound like everyone is mean. But let’s face it if you are the one person in a crowd: a party, a family gathering, etc., aren’t you ignored while the parents are questioned about how big the kids are, how they are doing in school, are they behaving, etc. And you had better fall in line and join the Q&A or you are viewed as uncaring.

Oh, and before someone gets offended, I love the kids in my life. I want to know how they are. I want to invest whatever I can (and that does not always mean money). But you do run the risk of being ignored if you have not made a contribution to carrying on the family line.

You’ve probably experienced it: someone asks ‘do you have kids?’ or ‘How many kids do you have?’ When you respond that you do not have kids, the conversation goes silent, there is discomfort, and then you each find someone else to talk to. Has that ever happened to you?

What about the commentary about you being made to work late because you don’t have kids and your co-workers do. The commentaries are made without thought to our plans. If our plans do not include children, they are not real plans.

What to do? How to deal with this?

I’ve said it before, but it can never be said too much: We have to make sure our co-workers and family members, the people in our lives realize and recognize our kind but firm boundaries. And then we have to be willing to make other plans when the–family, friends, and co-workers, refuse to respect us as childless people.

Life is short. Do we really need to hear the unsolicited suggestions and commentary about our lives? Do we need the mental and emotional abuse especially if we have already discussed the behavior with people? No. The answer is no.

I know that it’s much easier to hide in plain sight. To lay low and just go with the flow, than rock the boat at work or in the family during the holidays. But I have to ask you, what would your life be like if you made decisions, good healthy decisions about the direction of your life? What would happen if you told your co-worker or boss that although you would generally stay behind, you do actually have plans?

What would your life be like?

Before I leave you today, I want to read you something that really spoke to me. I saw this quote on Twitter near the end of April and wow. I mean I read and re-read it several times. I asked permission to share it and I am so glad she said yes.

Oh my gosh. I read that quote, re-read it, and then said ‘wow, that’s me. That’s where I am. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I want you to be. No rush, just head in that general direction. You will get there.

Thanks for listening!