Delusions Of Grandeur

Our heroes engage in *some* light espionage and *much* dramatic removal of hoods as they chase Killik Twilight and Kitster Banai across Mos Espa. Kitster isn’t home, but they do find the love of C-3P0’s life (Par Ontham’s Guide to Etiquette). And they meet not one, but two of Kitster’s wives, leading to a very tense happy hour. Chewbacca struggles to maintain his new hairstyle as Squibs crawl all over him and low-flying TIE fighters give everyone a static charge. Leia struggles with learning her genocidaire father was once a small and vulnerable enslaved child. Han Solo gets the zoomies.

If you need more Tatooine Dreams (or Ghosts), head on over to our Patreon for more episodes, a read-along book club, and the chance to vote for our next book: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Last night, I dreamt I went to Tatooine again.

That's right, we’re diving into the New York Times bestseller Tatooine Ghost! So far, this book has it all: a pit stop at the galaxy’s premiere make-out point, a heavily implied Thrawn cameo, an absolutely insane New Republic prosthetics budget, enough contradictory Darth Vader knowledge to give Emily a small aneurysm, and a win-or-die art auction that’s trending towards die.

This is also the first episode on our new Patreon. For seven whole American dollars a month, you'll be able to access episodes two weeks early - there's three full episodes up there now if you just can't wait for more Tatooine-based schenanagans. Plus, we've got a Tatooine Ghost (orTatooine Dreams, depending on how you pronounce it) book club going in the chat, with fellow listeners sharing insights on the incredible cover art, as well as some pretty compelling Star Wars cocktails. And you'll be able to vote on what book we read next.

Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

If that's not your bag, no worries! Each episode will also get posted in this feed, just a bit later. And we're absolutely still checking that Han Mail, so send us thoughts/queries/support in this trying time as we try to understand how everyone on Tatooine knows Anakin Skywalker = Darth Vader.

Season two is on the way next week for Patreon subscribers! We'll be kicking things off with "Tatooine Ghost," an incredible Thrawn-adjacent art heist. Check us out here: patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Non-subscribers get free access to episodes two weeks later (but you won't get to vote on upcoming books or chat with your fellow Deluded Star Wars fans).

Hold onto your butts, it's the action-packed conclusion to all the clone madness! And also the end to the regular everyday madness you feel when you’ve got Emperor Palpatine’s voice rattling around in your head in ALL CAPS! But here they are: the final chapters in Timothy Zahn’s glorious Thrawn Trilogy. Plus some Han Mail with trilogy trivia and a hint at what we’re reading in Season Two! Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming listener blog post all about cloones (not a typo, iykyk).

Jedi training during a camping trip means getting creative with lightsabers. Wedge gets sent on yet another side mission where he has to try to blend in at a cantina. While Thrawn and the New Republic prepare to duke it out in space, our usual suspects...uh, "heroes"...make a plan to storm the mountain that contains all of the clone madness.

We finally figure out the secret of DELTA SOURCE!! And don’t worry, it’s way cooler than anything you had in mind (yes, even cooler than: “Sounds like Coruscant’s most popular dispensary”). Talon Karrde’s Smuggle Buddies reunite and almost turn on him (gasp!) but he is saved at the last minute due to Niles Ferrier being incredibly bad at his job. Luke Skywalker forces Mara Jade to let him teach her how to stack pebbles with her mind on their doomed camping trip, part deux. And Thrawn uses the pottery that Admiral Ackbar made in a college elective to determine what the New Republic’s next scheme will be.

Sorry we missed you last week! Like Luke Skywalker, we desperately needed a nap. On today’s episode, an astute Han Mail makes us question if Han Solo hails from Space France. Thrawn traps the New Republic high command in the prison of *their own minds* (plus a very real wall of invisible asteroids). Mon Mothma and Bel Iblis finally have a heart-to-heart. Karrde and the smuggle buddies check out some new real estate. Threepio gets a dent (gasp). And Han and Mara find some common ground: there is nothing more annoying than camping with a Jedi.

Barely on the outside, Leia & Han’s twins are already under threat. They get saved by none other than Mara Jade…who is repaid with house arrest?! Uncool, New Republic. Talon Karrde is out there doing smuggler stuff and longing to get his super-competent second-in-command back. And poor Lando continues to learn that bureaucracy is as much of a pain in the ass as the Empire could be.

PLUS: we have received the absolute best Han Mail in the form of a bespoke SONG. Feast your ears!

Have you ever wondered: can women even be friends in space? This week, in addition to our regularly scheduled shenanigans, we've got an answer. Inspired by ongoing conversations between Mara Jade and Leia Organa Solo, one of our listeners has contributed to our blog. That's right! We read novels from 30 years ago and we write on the internet like it's 30 years ago. Listen to this episode and then go check it out: delusionspod.com/blog.

It’s the beginning of the thrilling conclusion to the Thrawn Trilogy! We’ve got CLONE MADNESS! - we’ve got Luke Skywalker learning from past mistakes! - we’ve got Wedge Antilles doing something called the “Cracken Twist” (???) - and we’ve got Mara Jade finding a hidden blaster in a library book (…she’s gonna need it!). Also: keep that Han Mail coming. The question of the week is: if Bel Iblis could take a BuzzFeed quiz, which historical figure would he be?

It’s the LAST EPISODE for this book! But in lieu of jokes about space agriculture or dreamy management styles, we’re asking you to lend your time and/or money to calling your reps and donating to relief organizations combatting the genocide in Palestine. Here are two options to get you started:

American Friends Service Committee

Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund

We open on Jomark where Mara Jade and Joruus C’baoth are keeping the entire B&B awake with their shouting match in the courtyard. Zoom forward four days and Luke Skywalker gets to do a Death-Star-style-break-in-and-prisoner-heist redo (it’s the same, but in reverse!). And then…we get the incredible and dramatic conclusion of the Hongorian GRASS SAGA! Leia does a full-court Alderaanian royalty press. Chewbacca does some backseat Wookie science. And with their powers combined, 40-some years of colonialism turns to dust.

“Tall and tan and young and ANGRY / a woman named Mara Jade goes walking…” right into Thrawn’s clutches, unfortunately. Captured after a hilarious cloak-and-dagger mission in Space Portugal that involves a random Wedge Antilles cameo, Mara Jade spends these chapters reckoning with some hard truths, passing fashion exams with flying colors, and feeling guilty enough about getting Talon Karrde locked up that she decides to go ask Luke Skywalker for help…

In what is possibly our most philosophical/theological episode yet, we get into whether droids are categorically “Neat Little Guys” or “uncanny abominations” — we speculate about what the New Republic’s PR firm might be up to (now that we finally know it exists!) — we are thrilled to follow this galaxy’s own Belgian detective, Lando “Poirot” Calrissian on his upholstery-based investigations — and Grand Admiral Thrawn receives an intriguing telegram that leaves us on a cliffhanger.

Luke Skywalker is nowhere to be seen this week! Lando remains unimpressed while Han Solo meets his childhood hero: The Flying Dutchman, Space Edition.™ Thrawn arrives on the Noghri homeworld for tea and accusations. Leia and Chewie wake up in a locally owned artisanal bakery. And we GET INTO IT on the history of colonialist grasses, baby!! Once you’re done reading these chapters, get grass-pilled with a few Earth-related gems:

California’s Lying Fields of Gold

1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus Created

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins

Mara Jade unenthusiastically trades the jungle for a bustling market in Space Morrocco. Talon Karrde shares a secret: he accidentally discovered the location of the infamous Katana Fleet — 200 super dope ships all tethered together by Bluetooth but which were thought to be “lost.” Joruus C’baoth is still around and still weird and still fascist. Han, Lando, and Luke get into MUCH CHICANERY on New Cov — a pharmaceutical planet that’s basically Little Shop of Horrors meets Bio-Dome (1996).

This week, we start off with Talon Karrde hiding behind the galactic equivalent of a lamppost—his love for the hot goss almost destroys him and his crew. Luke and Lando complete a neat side quest spurred by Lando’s excellent sense of smell and crafty negotiating tactics. An ambitious Bothan is trying to take down Admiral Ackbar with dirty money and sly interior decorating. WE GO BACK TO THE ARCHIVES, BABY, where we discover some weird stuff about the original Jorus C’Baoth. And Han Solo finally becomes the partner we all knew he could be by just…getting the heck out of the way. <3

It’s the thrilling conclusion to the first novel of the Thrawn Trilogy! And it has answers to all the most pressing questions raised so far: what else was Palpatine keeping in his secret mountain lair (besides his diaries and a crazy ‘bonuus’ dark Jedi) and how will Thrawn put it to use? What happens when you cover Luke Skywalker in poison ivy? Why does Wedge Antilles drink SO MUCH tea? Join us as we say goodbye to Myrkr and—by the law of plot devices—end up in the Sluis Van Shipyards with literally all of the important human men in the galaxy…at the same time.

Inside you, there are two wolves. One wolf realizes that he’s on a planet that cuts people off from the Force and—even though he’s camping out in a deadly jungle with a woman whose life’s ambition is to murder him—he decides to take a nap about it. The other wolf is actually that very same murder-y woman whose survival instincts tell her to pop amphetamines and stay awake for three days straight. Somehow, both of the wolves are also eldest daughters. Listen, okay: it’s a metaphor for Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. But…tell us we’re wrong! You can’t, ‘cause we’re not.

True confession: I spend way too much time browsing Galactic Zillow looking at planets I can’t afford and honestly it’s a toss-up between Kashyyyk and Myrkr. On the one hand: a badass jungle where Wookies (who regularly disarm other beings—and I mean DIS-arm!) are the cuddliest residents. On the other: a mostly forested smuggler’s paradise where you get decent healthcare and no Jedi will ever bother you. All that is to say: there’s not a lot of Thrawn in this week’s chapters, but there’s still so much to rant about.