Freaky Franchise

We're ending our coverage of the Amityville Horror franchise where it really began: with the murder of the DeFeo family at 112 Ocean Avenue. We'll discuss the ethically murky waters that this film resides in, and try to parse out what is true from what was clearly created for a compelling film. We'll also talk about Long Island accents, applying to only one college, fake nightmares, and vibing with Nona.

What is this? A movie with a theatrical release? After the last few Amityville films we watched, we weren't sure that something like this would ever happen again. But here we are, with recognizable actors and a significantly bigger production budget than we have seen in some time. Once again, a family has moved into the Amityville House, only this time, the original book and movie are well-known cultural icons to everyone except for the family. At first it seems like it's all hype, but when the family's son suddenly awakes from a... coma? Persistent vegetative state? It's unclear. All we know is that he probably isn't alone in there. We'll talk about some big issues, like ableism and sexism. We'll also talk about cool middle school styles, pottery barn, tunics, and whether or not you pull a literal plug.

This film takes a whole new approach to the Amityville haunting, through the lens of a twelve-year-old boy making a documentary about the haunted house that he and his family just moved into. The literal lens, since this is a found footage movie. We'll join Tyler and his family as his father quickly descends into madness, the ghost of Ronald DeFeo causes all sorts of problems, and a family under-reacts to multiple people dying in their home under mysterious circumstances. We'll also talk about spying on each other, bad parenting, and John Matthews.

This week, we're finally back in the Ocean Avenue house... in miniature. The miniature house is inside a real house that is definitely not the Ocean Avenue House. We can't tell you exactly how this dollhouse got there, or how it's doing the things that it's doing, or why there are wasps involved, since all of the previous movies have featured flies. What we can tell you that this house is just as haunted and evil as the full-sized version. We'll also talk about fire safety training, detention, and suspicious gerbil death.

Happy New Year! With 2020 coming to an end, we thought that this might be a good time to continue our vacation from the Amityville franchise and make some predictions for the coming year. We tried a variety of different divination methods to see what the next year has in store for all of us. Here's looking forward to 2021!

Happy holidays! We're continuing our annual tradition of discussing why a beloved Christmas special is actually a horror movie. This year we're talking about Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. This film is typically thought of as the origin story of our beloved Kris Kringle, but it also examines what it means to be a monster. Sometimes, the monsters aren't the big scary wizards with evil powers. Sometimes, the monsters are people just like us. They might even be the people that we would call our heros.

We are now officially on our third haunted object movie of the Amityville Horror franchise. But don't worry, this time it's TOTALLY different (and actually slightly more connected to the original plot than the others have been). This time around, we've got a mysterious demon-filled mirror that comes to haunt a group of unsuspecting artists, weird detectives who may or may not be part of a profiling unit, and some serious daddy issues. We'll also talk about Candance Cameron Bure, the best Justin Timberlake songs, how to style overalls, and "phertographers" (furtographers?).

The title says it all: this is a movie about time. Once again, we are whisked away from Amityville and taken to California, this time in the form of a clock that apparently belonged to a cannibalistic headmaster before it made its way to Ocean Avenue, where it was picked up by an architect designing a planned community. And this isn't just any clock: it's an EVIL clock, that makes men angry and violent and makes girls dress sexy. We'll try and wrap our heads around how this works, and what the relationship is between the two main adults in the film, which are equally difficult narratives to unravel. We'll also talk about tapestries, a citizen's grounding, ectoplasm colors, and full on ROFLing.

Join us around the (metaphorical) campfire as we tell our own versions of some of our favorite scary stories, with Special Guest, our Mom! Tales include The Pink Sweater, The High Beams, The Clown Statue, Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Light?, and The Black Velvet Band. Happy Halloween!

After making a detour to California, this movie brings us back to Amityville—but not to the Amityville house that we're all familiar with, to a different house in Amityville, because apparently they're all haunted. The fifth movie in the Amityville Horror franchise features a group of friends who intend to flip a house, only for one of them to maybe probably become possessed by the ghost of a man who maybe probably didn't die in this house. We'll also talk about the werewolves of Jane Eyre, ANTM: Boys in the House, an unknown Alice, and Theo's super cool discman.

With the fourth installment of the Amityville Horror franchise, we leave the house on Ocean Avenue. But don't worry, the spirit of the house comes along with us... in a lamp. Join us as we go all the way across the country to deal with the same things that we've become accustomed to: evil spirits, creepy kids, and, of course, black sludge. We'll also talk about haunted yard sales, telegrams, the hairstyle choices of twelve-year-olds, and Kipper the dog.

Skeptics beware, you're in for a scare! The third installment in the Amityville Horror franchise is all about the inevitable downfall that comes with trying to prove that ghosts aren't real by moving into a haunted house where multiple people have been murdered and scared off. Join us as we learn that how to tell the difference between a scam and the real deal, and a fake ghost and a real ghost (spoiler alert: the real ones are purple and the fake ones are green). We'll also talk about pinky touching, sensory deprivation chambers, the literary cannon, and knock-off ugg slippers.

All we can say regarding the second installment in the Amityville franchise is: yikes. We're going to be honest, this one is testing our commitment to watching franchises all the way through. But we did it! We'll talk about a wide array of things that make us very uncomfortable, but how all of that was worth it to finally find out why the Amityville house was so dirty. We'll also talk about earthquake, potential sister tattoos, unsolicited marital advice, and frothy blood. This episode also features our first listener-submitted haunted house story!

We figured that since everyone has been spending a lot of time cooped up inside their homes, what could be better to cover than a bunch of haunted house movies? We're embarking on the very long journey that is The Amityville Horror franchise, and right off the bat, this one has given us quite a bit to discuss. We'll try and figure out how to feel about our first based-on-a-true-story film, wonder why this house is so filthy, and even tell our own haunted house story. We'll also talk about realtors, boathouses, horror film IP theft, and Pa from Little House on the Prarie.

The summer is winding down—although it hasn't felt like much of a summer—and that means that it's time for the Jaws franchise to wind down as well. We'll discuss some of the major themes of the franchise, including obsession, man vs. nature, and the fear of the unknown. We were also joined by two fantastic guests: Salem Ward Councilor Josh Turiel, who talked about the role of local government in Jaws and beyond, and Jenna Karr, who answered all of the shark-based questions that we have been wondering about throughout the franchise.

Okay, we know this sounds kind of crazy, but here us out: what if a shark—not the shark from before, because that shark's dead, so a different shark—was so mad at Martin Brody that it decided to get revenge by eating his son—even though Martin Brody is already dead, not due to a shark but also maybe kind of due to the concept of a shark—and then felt like that wasn't quite enough, so the shark swam over 1000 miles to the Bahamas so it could eat his OTHER son? Wouldn't that be crazy? Well, that's the plot of this movie. We'll discuss this bizarre revenge plan and try to figure out if any aspect of it makes sense. We'll also talk about island cows, duck boats, the love/infatuation and Edward/Jacob dichotomies, and confronting the sharks.

Amity is out, Seaworld is in. Years after surviving multiple shark attacks on Cape Cod, Michael Brody now lives in Orlando, and works at what just might be the worst possible place he could have chosen: Seaworld. What will they do when a great white shark makes its way into their manmade lagoon and starts eating people? We'll talk about the many poor decisions that characters make in this movie, as well as all of the poor decisions that were made in order to make the movie. We'll also talk about dolphin girls, inappropriate building materials, bad tattoo ideas, and land dancing.

Summer continues with a second cautionary shark tale. You would think that after the first time a shark attacked a small island off of the Cape for days and ate multiple people they might be a bit more concerned about beach safety, but this is a horror movie, so they're definitely not. Except, of course, for chief Martin Brody, who will once again have to take on something that doesn't feel like it could possibly be in his job description. We'll talk a lot about the life and culture of Cape Cod and the behavior of local marine life—two things that we are definitely not experts in, but somehow still have a lot to say about. We'll also talk about sunken ships, becoming a mermaid in The Sims, Zuko the shark, and professional shorts.

It's summertime, which means everyone is heading to the beach! Except maybe they shouldn't be, since we're still in the midst of a pandemic. Because of this, we decided to focus on a franchise that is also about people who shouldn't be on the beach. We'll ask ourselves some serious questions. Is the shark really a villain? Can a town lose money if people go to the beach but don't go in the water? Should a police chief who's afraid of the water really be on a shark-hunting expedition? Who is that helping? We'll also talk about regular beach behavior, people knowing what we ate, city hands, and a manatee's number one predator.

A quick message from Theo and Cordie regarding some of the things that have happened, both nationally and within the horror community, since our last episode. We will be back with our regular episodes next week.