Grief House - Portals

In this episode Sasha and I tell our love stories with the universe. 

When she first caught our eye, our courtship, the rough parts, the different ways we made up and how we feel about each other now. It's a lot like the movie when Harry me Sally but less funny and no scenes in diners. 

We'd love you to send us clips from your love stories with the Universe! If you can film yourself sitting on a couch with her, even better.

In this episode (which I accidentally posted unedited the other day, and 14 of you listened to, likely with a feeling of confusion, before Sascha realized what I'd done and fixed it) Sascha and I say I love you to each other, again and again.  It makes me feel squirmy joyful and fed and so so so so lucky.

It's a brave experiment - asking someone you know loves to tell you why they love you. 

It's not for everyone, but if you ever want to try it, come on over the The House for a grief spill. I've never left one without strong love pooled up inside me for each person there. If you're one of the people, and you want to practice with me, I'm game. Come ask me, after, what I love about you. I'll be more than happy to tell you.

xox,
Laura

In this episode Sascha and I talk about our old strategies for self-protection when faced with the threat of uncharted love. We allow that they may be doing us more harm than good but we'll probably stick with them anyway. 

Featuring: fathers, fire escapes, dreams, Greek Salad, some murder, tenacity, ice castles, and a mention of the Rat Stove (which will be better, though never fully, explained in an upcoming episode).

Love! Who can understand it? Certainly neither of us.

In this episode of the podcast Sascha and I consider our fear of forever. Given our upbringing in a world that rarely acknowledges or even perceives things' natural edges, is it possible to feel into the cadence of experiences as they unfold? If we don't schedule the unfolding of our experiences, will they naturally evolve into new things? Or stall? Will we be stuck, eternally, in one place? We don't know. We're interested in finding out.

Sascha talks with her husband Peter about the effect of unprocessed and intergenerational grief - how and where it  hangs around. They talk about how Peter went about even noticing it and what it is to reconcile a painful past of genocide and suicide, especially when it lives in our bodies and in the shadows. 

At the Grief House we're interested in building a rich, loamy soil in which our lost and fallen bits can be met as nourishment, broken down and taken in and made available, in a new form, to support new growth.

We've decided to take this metaphor and  turn it into matter. And then back to metaphor and on and on. Cycles and cycles - just like everything.

We start here with beetles, earthworms a particular mushroom who may herself be a community and a festive, scary, beautiful bacterial. We're going to keep at this, these are just the first few notes of our decomposer praise song. Take a listen. See what you think.

In this episode Sascha and I try to see the unseeable wind of grief, fail, and instead call out the names of all the swirling solid grief bodies we see as they whip past in the gust. Alphabetically.

For a grief activity - so fun. Take a listen, won't you?

NOTE: Extra points and gratitude for anyone who illustrated any portion of this, the start to our ABC book of sadness. 

In this episode Sascha and I attempt to address grief head on. We do our best to gaze right at the huge swirling everything of her, and more or less fail. We do manage to talk about pooping in the woods, burying my mother, FedEx-ed cremains and how it feels to want help that isn't readily for sale. 

In the end we realize our work is to be afraid, small, and together; neither conquered nor conqueror. 

In this episode Sascha and I talked about our dread vessels; the space inside our hearts and minds that is reserved for dread and fear. 

We wondered about the nature of the vessel and if it can be shrunk. We thought of strategies by which we might understand it more, how things come pouring in, how they pour out, what things never leave, what could never be inside it. It was really helpful and I felt glad and more stable.

Then I forgot our conversation and trotted off into my life dreading just like before. But then I listened again today and - it helped me again. I like talking to Sascha about all the things. Maybe you'll like listening? 

What happens when the worst thing arrives?

What makes the worst thing the worst? How does it stay the worst? What happens if it doesn't? What breaks and what doesn't when the worst thing shows up at the door? What takes the place of the worst thing when the worst thing is past? 

In this episode Sascha and I compare notes about worst things we have outlived and those we are currently dreading. Come peruse the worst of the worst with us!

In this special episode two of my favorite Portland women, Jenny Serna and Moe Bowstern,  talk about their magic.   

We constructed this episode in a universe's grab-bag/Stir The Pot sort of way - I made a list of questions, Moe and Jenny took turns choosing numbers and we trusted the swirling everything to turn up what wanted considering. It was perfect as they are perfect as this whole beautiful, devastating, glorious thing is perfect.

Take a listen!

In this special episode Sascha talks with our friend Rachel the space where magic meets intensive care. 

Rachel is a ICU nurse and a student of paganism and traditional Earth Magic from the British Isles. She and Sascha talk about the intersection of these two aspects of her life and work, how one might protect magic while embracing modern medicine and allow both to be alive and protected during powerful moments of transition.

In this episode, Sascha and I talk about Trust and Risk - by which, I think, we mean love; because there's no way to untangle them.

Love is risky. It's trustworthy in a devastating, heartbreaking, generous, way that makes no sense at all and is the only thing that makes any sense.

 We discuss tigers, rabbits, shadow girls, flaming garbage, safety and fear.

In this episode about risk Sascha and I explore the varied ways we gage the danger of any given situation. We talk about mothers, swings, logs in the woods. We make note of the ways our sure and imminent death plays into our calculations and  how grateful we are for the hard, brave work past versions of ourselves have done in service of our current selves.

Come join us on this friendly romp through risky landscapes!

This month on the podcast we're feeling deeply into numbness. 

In this our second episode we explore strategies for thawing - should the desire for sensation arise. We offer hot cocoa, secret audio messages, moaning and proximity to lakes as methods to more toward more feeling. We also spend a lot of time talking about how thawed isn't better and frozen isn't worse. Thaw if thawing is right. Re-freeze whenever you need to. Sascha and I will skate and swim happily in any of your states.

In this feelings episode Sascha and I discuss numbness. We decide it is useful and problematic, a path to deeper feeling and a worrisome defensive move. We ponder surgical numbness, numbness brought on by waterfalls, and times when numbness leads to far too many vacuum cleaners. we hope you will enjoy our romp through numbness.

In this special episode my best friend Emmy Garr and I discuss everything in the bowl; memories from our friendship, our trip to the casino, gross things we love, the time I made her room mate very mad and more. 

We offer a glimpse into friendship that can't possibly be ranked below any other kind of love. Plus you get to heat Emmy's voice - which is the most lovely voice. Don't pass this chance up, folks. Don't pass it up.

Q: What's happening in that picture with all the plaid?
A: Sascha and I are dancing the Salty Dog at our high school pep rally.

Q: But, why?
A: Because we started a bowling club.

Q: But...why?
A: It depends on who you ask.

More questions? Listen to this bonus episode! 
Still more? Become a patron and we'll answer any question you dream up.
https://www.patreon.com/PortlandGriefHouse

In this episode Sascha and I discuss the trouble of just and more than friends. 

We offer hues that fall outside the spectrum as we were raised to understand it, try to see each other shake in love we can't make into easy labels and feel grateful for our perfect, wonderful only/more than friendship.

In this episode Sascha and hop into and out of control, peer around both places and report our findings. 

We discuss the sneaky forcefulness of the prey faced, our parallel 3rd grade power moves, dog packs and our friendship. 

We hope you'll come climb under and above and all around control with us.