I’m going to give you three #higher life hacks to transform your life!
Before I tell you the two secrets let me first address the problem. Did you know that the main areas people seek help is weight loss, finances and relationships! The most successful social media marketing accounts are addressing the pain points of these three areas. Want to make big money, guarantee weight loss? Provide a sure win to save that marriage or the key interventions to parenting those challenging children, offer resources, a plan or fast track to making big money! Coach folks into financial success, self-employment and more. If your plan guarantees fast results…well you’ll be walking straight to the bank, and will make deposit after deposit, because the need doesn’t stop.
I tell my clients; my job is to put myself out of a job! For all the conspiracy theorists out there, many believe that the big pharma companies are invested into keeping people sick. If they can keep you sick, they keep you dependent on their products, thus continued flow of income.
It’s time to break the madness. If you are buying into the diet culture, you are subscribing to the madness. It just wont stop. I can attest! After 40+ years of being on diets, I just became more and more of what I was trying to get rid of. And we really do try to convince ourselves that we HAVE to have those plans, that we can’t do it ourselves, we need people to tell us what to do…we sign up, buy the plans, restrict ourselves….again and again and again. Whether its restrictive diet or a restrictive budget, we start off strong and drop out. We chase the mysterious answer, the next best secret solution exposed!
I plead with you to hear this message. It doesn’t work. If your tool doesn’t fix the problem, get another tool! The problem with this mindset is…. what we resist persists! Who has said they want to get rid of, or stop…and did? And or sustained the change?
HIGHER LIFE HACK #1) Pursue what you want, not want you don’t want
It is in our human nature to move toward what we are focused on. Don’t look over there, so you look. Parenting classes advise that parents tell the children what to do, not what not to do. Instead of stop making a mess, say, its time to clean up. Don’t be mean, instead, we use our words for kindness.
Parents ofen have the tendency to say, “You are messing up! Really blowing it…you will end up….” as if we expect the kid to say, wow, I have such tremendous insight now! Thank you! NO, instead they just follow suite…well if that is what you are going to think of me, then, I will do it more…
Instead, tell the kid what you envision for them. “You are honest, so what is this lying about. You will be successful in school, so we must have your grades reflect this. We love spending time together, so let’s resolve this conflict!” Without knowing it, you are influencing your children’s attention and direction!
Focus on your direction, what you want to create! If you want to focus on building wealth, you set up a savings plan, you want to save that money…. I guarantee you will struggle with charging on your card. However, if you say you want to get out of debt, the opportunity will come to charge and you will likely say, ok Ill start my budget tomorrow.
If you focus on physical fitness and feeling good, you will start to notice what life patterns will interfere with the goal and likely want to discontinue those behaviors. However, if you say, I want to lose weight, the opportunity will come to eat that chocolate and you are likely to say, Ill start my diet tomorrow.
If you want more love in your marriage and you focus on loving your partner, the principle of similarities will say, your partner is likely to match your behavior.
Now that I went over the first life hack---Focus on what you want to create and pursue the positive.
HIGHER LIFE HACK #2) Be patient with the process.
One of the biggest problems I encounter in therapy is a sense of urgency. I feel awful and I want it gone now! I don’t like this problem and I want it resolved now! I want to learn new tools and I want them to work now! This often comes from low paint tolerance. Yep, just like physical pain tolerance we can have low emotional pain tolerance. Some people absolutely cannot stand or tolerate any negative emotion! When they feel negative emotions they panic, they feel a sense of urgency and they chase immediate relief. The problem is, it makes the pain worse. Primary principle here is: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, we suffer when we resist the pain. In other words, we suffer when we try to control that which we cannot control or change that which we can not change. The solution is to radically accept the pain. That means, we “accept” that it just is. Its not saying, its ok, or you give it permission, or approve…you are just saying it is what it is and then focusing on what you can change, what you can control. If you read a recent post of mine you heard me say, that we can create new neuro circuits in our brain if we practice fore 45 days focusing on positive things around us…That is 45 days! So basically, according to this research, it takes 45 days of daily, intentional practice of a new skill for us to adopt a new way of being, a new way of feeling, a new way of experiencing life. Therefore, we must be patient with the process. Think of the analogy of a sunburn. It hurts, its is awful, you don’t want it, you are painfully aware of the burn, and yet it is…you know it is not going to go away in the moment, that there isn’t some magic remedy that will make it go away. Sure, you can use aloe Vera gel etc. but the bottom line is it just is going to hurt for a while, and you will survive. So, we redirect our attention on something else and just give it time. That is what we need to do with our emotional pain or painful circumstances. We have set the intention to heal, to change, to learn new strategies. Trust the power of intention. It has begun, change will occur, but you are learning new things, practicing on a regular basis and it will take time.
HIGHER LIFE HACK #3) TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION
Finally, the third hack, take consistent action. Each day, little by little keep going. Keep getting up, dusting off, working on building that which you are creating and don’t stop! Don’t stop when you feel discouraged, don’t stop when you feel like you can’t do it, don’t stop when others say you can’t…don’t stop! Don’t follow your feelings, guide them, say to yourself, keep going, get up girlfriend, keep going! Lead with your wisdom. Over time, the small daily investments will pay off. At first a year away seems like forever, but once you are at the year mark, you will wish you hadn’t stopped. So, trust that every step matter, over time, the persistence and consistent efforts will take form. You are pursing what you want, you have set the intention, you are being patient with the process, learning along the way….and guess what….before you know it, you have done it! You have accomplished a goal. You have transformed an area of your life. It works. Don’t believe me? Then take the challenge and try it. Try for one year, to focus only on what you want, taking action to support it, resist the panic of hyper focusing on what you don’t want, be patient, and when the waves of urgency hit, just redirect your attention, essentially ignoring the urgency. Acknowledge within, I know, I know I want change and I want it now, but it is going to take time and I am making the investment. It will be good, it will be achieved, it is what works.
