Leaving The Valley

If rich, famous, beautiful people can die by suicide, what does that mean for the rest of us?  The recent suicide of Cheslie Kryst, Miss USA 2019, was shocking. Research supports that after a high-profile person dies by suicide, rates of suicide also go up. Additionally, there is a cost to fame. It is harder for well-known figures to ask just anyone for support, even when they're in danger. There is enormous pressure to stay at the top and high levels of fame can be extremely isolating. Much of what we are taught is that if you work hard and are successful, then you will be happy.  What does it mean when a celebrity like Ms. Kryst, who was so successful, was also so unhappy?

In part two of our conversation, we look at how anger may be a part of the grieving process when we lose someone to suicide. Anger is a normal stage in processing loss. When suicide is involved, anger may be directed at the individual who died, or at another friend or family member, and even at yourself for failing to prevent the death. Additionally, we discuss considerations for how anger may affect some of our most vulnerable groups. What should we be aware of in terms of red flags for anger in groups that already have high levels of suicidal thoughts?  Lastly, we talk about the term "anger management." What does that really mean?

We often think of depression as a possible symptom for suicide, but anger can also become lethal. Excessive anger is often a sign of depression. In fact, anger is usually a mask we wear to hide how sad or disappointed we feel. Most of us are more comfortable sharing that we are mad rather than sharing that we have become depressed. These stigmas about anger and sadness often prevent us from properly assessing when someone is at risk for suicide. If we are unaware of the relationship between anger and suicide, we may miss the signals that someone we love is hurting.

It’s a new year…again?! So why does it feel a little like nothing’s changed? The idea of “resolution” means that something has ended, but for many of us the reality of COVID-19 is still not over. In that case, does it even make sense to make a resolution? Whether acknowledged or not, change happens to each of us. Our advice is to take some stock of what you are grateful for. If your resolution is about improving your mental health, working with a therapist could be an amazing tool to achieving that goal. Additionally, if you’re feeling down, don’t forget the value of helping those less fortunate than you.

Can therapy ever be harmful? That's the question that first sprang to my mind when talking with an acquaintance about her problematic experiences in counseling. Asking for help is hard. There is a tremendous stigma that surrounds speaking with a therapist. In some examples, working with a therapist who is a bad fit for you can even be harmful. It can inflict new psychological damage and be re-traumatizing. If your counselor is judgmental, unavailable, or a bad listener, perhaps it is time to work with someone else.

It's the most wonderful time of the year... or is it? There is so much to do and so little time to do it. Let's face it, the holidays are tough. Whether you're navigating tricky family dynamics or simply feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of finding the perfect gift, many of us experience the holiday blues. What are some ways we can cope with the stresses of this time of year?

In the conclusion of our conversation with Sergeant Aaron Quinonez (Sgt. Q), we learn about his long road towards getting diagnosed with PTSD and his advice for anyone dealing with a mental health crisis. Additionally, Sgt. Q shares his insights on how the faith-based community can better support those struggling with mental health issues. Also, we ask Sgt. Q for his list of things NOT to do when going through a hard time.

In this special episode, we talk with Sergeant Aaron Quinonez (Sgt. Q) about his personal journey in overcoming childhood trauma, homelessness, two tours of duty in Iraq, PTSD, and suicidal ideation to living a life of service and mental health advocacy. Sgt. Q has turned his experiences with trauma into a calling, helping fellow veterans find healing through his award winning non-profit, Q-Missions. Sgt. Q recalls his early childhood trauma and how it further impacted his time serving in Iraq. He candidly discusses what it is like to suffer from PTSD. He explains the feeling of inadequacy that led him to becoming suicidal and how a small action by a friend served as the intervention in suicidal thoughts.

Shame around suicide is pervasive and exists in many different forms. We may feel ashamed if we lost someone to suicide. We may feel shame if we've ever had suicidal thoughts. We sometimes even use shame as a tactic to try and stop someone from taking their own life. We talk with Dr. Jana Tran, psychologist, about shame. Dr. Tran has spent many years serving high-risk groups for suicide through her work at the VA and serving First Responders at the Houston Fire Department. Dr. Tran examines the message "suicide is selfish." It is harder to seek help when there is no safe space to talk about how badly you feel without getting shamed. Additionally, those who have lost someone to suicide may also feel ashamed. (However unwarranted those feelings may be).

Why do some people claim, "Therapy didn't work for me"? In part two of our series, we discuss some of the issues that stand in the way of success in therapy. Some quit before they've really given the process a chance or are inconsistent about therapy. Additionally, people are often reluctant to seek help, believing they can relying on friends and family for support. If you are suicidal, it is highly unlikely that your loved ones know enough about mental health to provide the exact support you need. If you want to benefit from therapy, be consistent, be honest, and be willing to do your homework. Spend some time researching therapists in your area. Not every therapist is perfect for every person. Sometimes we are put off from seeking therapy because the thought of sharing can feel unbearable. Finding the right counselor will involve opening up. 

We've heard it before. "Therapy can't work for me! My problems are too complicated!" Or "My friends know me better." Or a million other reasons why people are skeptical to reach out to a mental health professional. In terms of suicide prevention, you've got to be willing to give help a chance. It's quite common for people, even suicidal people, to drop out of therapy after only a couple of sessions.  Like any other endeavor, in order for therapy to be successful, you've got to put in the work. Research backs this up. Therapy can benefit everyone, including you. 

Suicide is a leading cause of death for moms within the first year of childbirth. Many people have a hard time understanding how a new mom could contemplate taking her own life. However, there are many parts of being a new parent that overlap with conditions that are known to increase the likelihood of a suicide attempt. Lack of sleep, stress, feeling isolated, feeling like the situation is hopeless, or that you are somehow a burden are hugely related to suicidal thoughts. Additionally, giving birth can be a triggering experience and bring up unresolved trauma from the past. Many new parents may have a preexisting mental health condition that can put them at greater risk for developing Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Anxiety which may also increase their likelihood for suicidal thoughts. 

In the third part of our conversation with Sherry Duson from the Center for Postpartum Family Health, we focus on some of the most hot button issues for new parents. For example, breastfeeding versus formula, infertility, and marital satisfaction post-child. These issues can be deeply polarizing. The strong emotions around these topics may prevent many new parents from speaking up when confronted with challenges. In general, the less people are able to talk about their struggles the more isolated they may become. We know isolation is hugely related to suicidal thought.  Being a new parent is already pretty lonely. Long nights, lack of sleep, and the pressures of being a "perfect" parent are often overwhelming. Many commonplace challenges for parents can contribute to PMADs (Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders).

In this episode, we continue to explore the relationship between Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) and suicide with our guest Sherry Duson.  Sherry is the founder and director of The Center for Postpartum Family Health in Houston, TX. She shares her knowledge on the sense of shame some women feel around the struggles of being a new mom. In those moments, it is easy to feel isolated and to get trapped in a train of thought that says you are an unfit mother. We know that feeling isolated is related to suicidal thoughts.

Suicide is a leading cause of maternal death in the first year following childbirth. Yet, the importance of postpartum mental health is rarely discussed during pregnancy. Some moms get the "Baby Blues," others may develop Postpartum Depression or Postpartum Anxiety.  Let's talk about Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) and how it relates to maternal suicide. We have a special guest with us for this episode, Sherry Duson. Sherry is the Founder and Director of The Center for Postpartum Family Health in Houston, TX. Sherry gives us insight into why so many new moms feel blindsided by the transition into motherhood. She also talks about the symptoms of Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, and other disorders that may occur during pregnancy and in the postpartum period.

We continue our conversation with Whitcomb Terpening of The Semicolon Group on grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. In this episode, we focus on the idea of how you "should" remember someone who ended their own life. In general, when someone passes we don't normally focus on the way they died. If someone has a heart attack, we don't typically dwell on the fact that their heart gave out. However, with suicide, many people narrow in on the manner of the individual's death. This may be, in part, because many people feel a degree of responsibility or guilt when someone they care about dies by suicide. How can we grapple with these feelings?

We've spent the majority of our podcast covering suicide prevention. This week, we're focusing on mourning the loss of someone to suicide. Particularly, we're looking at feelings of grief. We have a special guest with us this week, Whitcomb Terpening - Licensed Clinical Social Work Supervisor. Grief is a normal part of mourning any death. However, when someone dies of suicide, grief may be complicated by feelings of guilt, responsibility, anger, or shame. Society frowns on discussing suicide. This may leave those who are already grieving a suicide even more isolated. Additionally, there is often a faulty idea of a "timeline" by which we should be done grieving.

As people re-enter their workplaces after over a year of social distancing, it is inevitable that our mental health needs may look a little different than they did before the pandemic. Employers may need to be more sensitive towards the emotional needs of their employees and this may include an emphasis on suicide prevention. Even on the job there are things we can do to prevent suicide. If you notice a co-worker is struggling, it is appropriate to check-in with them. Many people fear asking if someone is suicidal. It is much harder to live with the feelings of regret for not taking red flags seriously than the temporary discomfort of one awkward conversation. Some jobs have higher risks of suicide amongst employees. In every office, but especially for high-risk professions, there must be an emphasis on preventing suicide from the top down. 

Our mission on Leaving The Valley is to help reduce suicides. You simply cannot have a conversation about suicide prevention and not talk about firearms. Accessibility of a firearm leads to an increased risk of suicide. Over half of all suicides occur with a firearm. Additionally, the majority of deaths caused by guns are suicide (Not homicides.) The decision to end one's life is often impulsive. When a firearm is accessible, people may impulsively use it in a suicide attempt. When a weapon is used in a suicide attempt, it is almost always lethal.

Unfortunately, 15% of people with a mental illness will die by suicide. Mental illness is a real illness and widely misunderstood. Like any major illness, if left untreated, having a mental illness can be fatal. We wanted to talk with experts on this subject, so we consulted with Dr. Mitch and Dr. Sharon Young. They are a husband and wife team with over four decades of expertise in treating those with mental illness. In this episode, we discuss what mental illness is, how to treat it, and how to prevent suicide for those with mental illness.