The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention?  

We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society.  

The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. 

In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. 

THE EXCELLENT BOOK I MENTIONED:

• The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough

USEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM:

• https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-lives
• https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/
• https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO:

• The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman
• The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by 
  Lisette Schuitemaker 
• The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger
• Sisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush
• You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah Tannen
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

REFERENCES USED: 

• https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/
• https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age.
• https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest%20daughters%20often%20shoulder%20a,mode%E2%80%9D%20when%20there%20is%20discord.
• https://omny.fm/shows/the-psychology-of-your-20-s/147-the-psychology-of-the-eldest-daughter
• https://www.sagetherapychicago.com/post/understanding-eldest-daughter-syndrome-navigating-the-challenges-and-finding-balance#:~:text=Delegate%20Responsibilities%3A%20Don't%20hesitate,that%20rejuvenate%20and%20energize%20you.

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles.

In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier. 

We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled.

The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true.

Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes.

CHAPTERS:

00:02:02 Not taking things personally

00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time

00:14:53 The importance of practice

00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship

00:20:21 Same-sex relationship

00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new facts

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners.

I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/

For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens,  about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success.

I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you.

Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/

Posting bikini shots:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/

Setting high expectations:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/

SECTIONS:

Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06)

Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18)

Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03)

Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52)

Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31)

Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11)

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point. 

Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from. 

Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents. 

In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids. 

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/

 https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/

SEGMENTS:

• Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02)
• Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12)
• Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09)
• How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29)
• Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18)
• Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28)
• Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41)
• Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31)

https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.html
https://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/article
https://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-children
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabused
https://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/
https://drlizhale.com/talking-to-your-child-about-your-past/
https://www.moralrevolution.com/blog/Talking-to-your-kids-about-your-past
https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/ages-and-stages/teens/when-to-tell-your-kids-about-your-past/
https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/parents-tell-kids-past/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

One of the trickiest questions for parents is how to set expectations that help our kids thrive and grow without crushing them or making them feel low self-esteem or shame.  

If we don't set expectations we run the risk of making our kids feel like nothing they do really matters, so they can feel overlooked and apathetic about life, but we've all heard about parents who damage their kids through unreasonable demands. Our expectations are born out of our own ideas of what matters, so how do we know that we're not pushing toxic ideas on to our kids?

In this episode we talk about how today's society has come expect very little of our teens, whilst seemingly piling on pressure and expecting too much. We talk about how critical the growth mind set is, the stages we go through in learning a skill, and how we parents can support out teens to grow a wide range of important skills without damaging their self-esteem in the process. 

PREVIOUS EPISODES THAT ARE RELEVANT:
 
Episodes 5, 10, 38 & 40

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/40-exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/

THE SKILL MATRIX:

• Unconscious incompetence.
• Conscious incompetence.
• Conscious competence.
• Unconscious competence.

QUESTIONS THAT WILL EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER:

•  Are the expectations placed upon me realistic? 
• Do they align with my values? 
• Is meeting those expectations within my control? 
• What and how do I communicate if the expectations are unreasonable or make me resentful?

https://www.sec-ed.co.uk/content/best-practice/nqt-special-what-do-high-expectations-actually-look-like/
https://sonyalooney.com/the-paradox-of-expectations-pressure-and-comparison-in-sport-and-life/
https://www.teachwithmrst.com/post/setting-clear-expectations
Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov
Marie Amaro, principal presenter at the You Tube channel the Highly Effective Teacher
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/life-smarts/202004/parental-expectations-the-helpful-and-the-harmful

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired. 

Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them. 

When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us. 

EMOTIONAL EATING HELP:
https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htm

RESEARCH:
https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfie
https://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718 

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Diets, and an obsession with weight, are so much a part of Western culture that it's hardly surprising our teens can struggle to understand how to eat well.

When I researched the topic for episode 9, I discovered that many experts are using mindful - or intuitive - eating to treat patients who develop disordered eating patterns. Indeed, the Intuitive Eating Workbook, which is now in its fourth edition, is recommended on the website of the UK's premier eating disorder charity Beat. 

I reached out to Elyse Resch who is co-author of that book, because she has a long list of academic and industry accreditations, and  decades of experience in dealing with eating issues. Even better, she's created The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens to help our kids at one of this vulnerable stage.   

I’m delighted that she agreed to help us unpick how we are talking with our teens about this tricky subject.

CONTACT ELYSE RESCH:
elyseresch@gmail.com
https://elyseresch.com/EResch/

DEALING WITG EMOTIONAL EATING:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm
 
THE TEN PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING:
https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/

• Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently
• Honour Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat
• Make Peace with Food. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing.
• Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud no to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating minimal calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake.
• Discover the Satisfaction Factor. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content.
• Feel Your Fullness. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current hunger level is.
• Cope with Your Emotions. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you. But food won’t solve the problem.
• Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally futile (and uncomfortable) to have a similar expectation about body size.
• Exercise—Feel the Difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie-burning effect of exercise.
• Honour Your Health with Gentle Nutrition. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy.


Previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

My teen daughter has told me that the fact I am open about my own failings, and quick to apologise, makes it much easier to trust me and to feel safe admitting when she's gone wrong. 

It's so easy to look back and see our mistakes, or where we might have done things better, but it’s hard to admit to them and forgive ourselves. The truth is, it's incredibly difficult to get it right in the moment. 

As we discuss in this episode, when it comes to the sliding doors versions of life we can never really know whether a different path would have turned out better. All we can do is to try our best with what we have right now. 

We've made this episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully some good tips too. 

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

When the other parent is inconsistent, or never turns up for your kid, it can be incredibly challenging for both of you. It's hard enough as it is, but can be even more challenging when they are abusing a substance, such as alcohol or drugs.

When a listener told us about the difficulty she has parenting a teen son whose absent dad is an alcoholic we thought it was an important subject, and one worthy of discussion.

So how do we support a tween or teen in this position? What do we say to them? How do we help them with the feelings they might be having?

The National Association for Children of Alcoholics suggests using this mantra:

• I didn’t cause it
• I can’t cure it
• I can’t control it
• I can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself.

BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/ 
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/

Support:
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics https://nacoa.org.uk/

https://allthingssimplywindy.com/how-to-deal-with-an-absent-dad/
https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-child-parenting-issues/help-children-handle-unreliable-parent/
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/helping-a-child-cope-with-an-absent-parent/
https://fathers.com/blog/consistency/what-consistency-looks-like-in-a-dad-5-keys/
https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/types-of-damaging-fathers-how-they-influence-who-we-are
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-absentee-fathers-2997224
https://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Child-Cope-with-a-No%E2%80%90Show-Parent
https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/When-Daddy-Dont-Love-Their-Daughters-What-Happens-to-Women-Whose-Fathers-Werent-There-for-Them
https://www.joincake.com/blog/death-of-a-father-I-never-knew/
https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/my-sons-father-is-inconsistent.4623629/
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/explaining-alcoholism-child/
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/parental-rejection/
https://www.riversidecounsellingservice.co.uk/2020/06/09/absent-father-identity-issues/

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We're back with the first fresh episode of 2024. What a good time to talk about some of the things we've been reading, listening to, and watching, along with some news stories. 

Let us know what you think. We're always interested in any feedback; positive or negative, and we'd love to hear from you if you have any great recommendations. teenagersuntangled@gmail.com

Podcasts recommended: 

• Mel Robbins
• Unpublished 
• Good Bad Billionaire
• Everything Is Fine
• Search Engine: Why can't we just turn the empty offices into apartments?

TV:

• Hunger Games
• Netflix - Watch World War II: From the Frontlines

Book:

• Do Hard Things: A teenage rebellion against low expectations by Alex and Brett Harris.

Calendar app:

• TimeTree

School:

• PISA scores: https://www.oecd.org/publication/pisa-2022-results/country-notes
• Emotionally based school avoidance: https://www.leedsbeckett.ac.uk/student-anxiety-guide

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. 

The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?

In this podcast:

We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. 
How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.
How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.
And how using positivity can keep us going.

Some ideas:

• Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answer
• Find one on one time with each child
• Don't text and drive
• Create a tech contract
• Create a chores contract
• Yell less
• Listen more
• Sort out sleep routines
• End your work day
• Find space for you
• Don't judge out loud
• Let your teen cook once a week
• Don't judge people out loud
• Let your teen make their mistakes so they learn from them
• Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see
• Practice gratitude
• Build a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situation
• Make time for your partner
• Get outside more
• Sit down to family meals more often
• Find games or activities you can all enjoy together

Resources:
Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.
https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/
https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/
https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/
https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like a time of pressure to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment? 

One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss  how to better deal with a teenager's lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations, and our feeling that they don't appreciate what's been done for them.

RESOURCES:

• https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf
• https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/
• https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amp
• https://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/
• https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.html
• https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.html
• https://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/
• https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309
• https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-en
  
  
  

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. 

Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.

We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.

https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/
https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/
https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html
https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/
https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

It's our two year anniversary, and what a ride it's been! Since we're taking a break to spend time with our families, we thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on what we think are the best things we've learned over the years, and signpost which episodes you might want to listen to again.

Key episodes discussed:

The blog https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/two-years-on-and-some-of-the-episodes-that-have-impacted-me-most/

Talking techniques:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/

Consequences:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/
• Blog on consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/

Online:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-13-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-pornography-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great-ways-to-spend-time-with-your-teen/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-33-boys-online-we-urgently-need-to-talk-about-red-pills-role-models-and-the-manosphere/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/66-online-grooming-how-to-keep-our-teens-and-tweens-safe-how-to-spot-if-your-child-has-fallen-pre/

Secondary school and anxiety:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-12-what-to-do-about-bullying-and-dealing-with-teenage-backchat/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/

Pressures of parenting:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

The pandemic saw thousands of children moving online to learn, socialise, and play. Unfortunately, internet predators have followed them there, using highly sophisticated tactics to reach children and coerce them into sexual activities.

We were recently contacted by our listener therapist, Frances, who says that she's been dealing with cases of grooming online and thinks it's vital that we discuss the topic.

She's right to highlight it. I've been contacted by parents who have confided in me that their teen has fallen victim; both boys and girls. 

The disturbing nature of their activity has been exposed by Internet Watch Foundation analysts whose job it is to track down and view some of the very worst child sexual abuse material on the internet so it can be removed and blocked. They've seen a massive increase in abuse since lockdown.  

The one thing I've learned from all of the research I've been doing is that we are pretty much the only gatekeepers online; the apps constantly duck responsibility. The key watershed is 13, because the internet companies aren't allowed to collect data on people below that age. But that's still incredibly young for most kids to be accessing the sort of things that are online, and often they lie about their age to get apps they aren't legally allowed. 

We cover how to keep our teens safe, how to spot grooming, and what to do if your kid's a victim.

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/you-co/types-crime/sex-crimes/grooming/#:~:text=It's%20important%20to%20think%20carefully,that%20you%20can%20get%20help.

https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/should-i-make-a-report-to-ceop-yp/

The story of Breck, who was lured to his death by a groomer https://www.breckfoundation.org/

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/03/14/us/north-carolina-missing-teen-dallas-found/
Documentary series: Undercover Underage

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2023/2023-08-14-82-rise-in-online-grooming-crimes-against-children-in-the-last-5-years/#

https://legaljobs.io/blog/online-predators-statistics/#:~:text=66.7%25%20of%20online%20predators'%

 

Report abuse
Contact our Helpline by calling 0808 800 5000 or emailing help@NSPCC.org.uk 

Call our new NSPCC helpine, Report Abuse in Education on 0800 136 663
 If they’re under 18, they can use Childline and the Internet Watch Foundation

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

One in eight UK teenagers now suffers from an eating disorder, according to the latest figures from the UK's National Health Service. That's a shocking fifteen-fold increase since before Covid. 

These disorders are  notoriously sneaky; parents I've spoken to say they creep up on us and it can take a long time to realise what's going on. 

It's even worse if we focus in on seventeen to nineteen year olds where one in twenty boys  and one in five girls has an eating disorder. 

In this episode Rachel talks Umairah Malek, the Clinical Coordinator at the UK charity, Beat. She explains what an eating disorder is, what to look out for, and gives some great tips for how to support your loved one through to recovery.  

Resources:
The EAT-26 is a self-help test that takes just minutes to complete. [1] Mental Health America has a different version with fewer questions. [2]

Neither test can diagnose an eating disorder, but they can help you understand if your symptom severity is improving. So taking them, and tracking your scores, could be helpful.

The UK's Eating Disorder Charity - Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk)
www.hopevirgo.com
Www.feast-ed.org

Facebook:
Eating Disorder Family Support

Books:
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/helpful-books/
Hadley Freeman, Good Girls: A story and study of anorexia.

Netflix:
Everything Now - After months in recovery for an eating disorder, 16-year-old Mia devises a bucket list of quintessential teen experiences to make up for lost time.

Previous episodes and blog:

Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/eating-disorders-the-sneaky-stealth-bomb/

Healthy attitudes to eating:
9: Screens and teens. Here’s how to help them, and yourself, manage your time. Also can we talk about healthy eating without giving our teens an eating disorder? (teenagersuntangled.com)

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We all want the best for our kids, but there's a tricky balancing act between giving them the freedom to make the mistakes that build resiliency, and stepping in to protect and guide them.

There's been a modern shift towards close management of our kids, and a constant eye on academic grades. But it's worth considering how to ensure our desire to support them doesn't end up having unintended consequences; stripping them of their ambition, self advocacy, and desire to tackle things in life that are hard.

It's also worth considering how we parents will feel when that all-encompassing role begins to fade and they need to live life independent of us. 

This episode takes a look at some of the modern styles of parenting, including the benefits and the problems in terms of turning out rounded adults. We also look at steps we can take to increase agency in our older teens in a way that will ease them into adulthood.

If you're committed enough to listen to the very end you'll also hear our blooper.

RESOURCES USED:
Operation Varsity Blues on Netflix
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/
https://www.verywellfamily.com/helicopter-parents-do-they-help-or-hurt-kids-1095041
https://www.mongooseresearch.com/blog/bulldozer-parents#:~:text=What's%20a%20bulldozer%20parent%3F,their%20child%20may%20come%20across.
https://parentology.com/what-is-bulldozer-parenting/
https://www.businessinsider.com/helicopter-how-bulldozer-parents-harm-their-children-2023-6?r=US&IR=T

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Has your kid seen porn? Research says 1 in 3 kids have seen explicit, hardcore porn by the age of 12, many by accident.

Whether or not your tween or teen has seen it the fact that hardcore porn is widely available, free, and easily accessed from any device with an internet connection will be having an impact on the whole culture they are growing up in.

We want our teens to feel that it's normal and natural to be interested in sex, and want to explore what's out there, but talking about it the modern issues can be a minefield. Whilst we're openly trying to teach our kids about consent, and educate our boys to be respectful of women, what they might be accessing online is the opposite. Much of it is degrading, and objectifying, and normalises potentially dangerous and harmful sexual behaviour.

A lot of parents I have spoken with don't know how to have those conversations, so I contacted Dr Mandy Sanchez, from Culture Reframed, an organisation that provides free education resources and worksheets for parents. In this episode she talks about how, and when, to talk about porn with your kid.

www.culturereframed.org
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

In an era where house prices have gone up, wages have stagnated, and young people are staying in the family home for longer, how do we manage the transition to adulthood whilst our young are still living at home?

One of the big debates for parents is whether teens and young adults should pay rent. So when one of our listeners asked us to talk about it, we thought it would be a great topic for our club.

It’s definitely one to think about well beforehand, because your attitude to it will become an important subliminal message to your teen.

For some, seeing your child move out, or start to pay rent is a critical stage in growing up. For others, the idea of charging your teenager - or any member of your family - rent is an absolute no-go.

In fact the age at which our kids leave home varies wildly in different cultures; even within the same continent. Across Europe the average age of leaving home is 26, but in Sweden and Denmark it's closer to 21  and in Croatia and Malta it's nearly 32.

We discuss the concept of being a teenager, how different cultures think about the topic, and the pros and cons of charging rent.

RESOURCES:
https://www.100yearlife.com/ Living and working in the age of longevity.
https://www.lboro.ac.uk/media/media/research/crsp/downloads/2019-family-sharing--a-mminimum-income-standard-for-people-in-their-20s.pdf
https://www.verywellfamily.com/should-you-charge-your-teen-rent-4106963
https://cafemom.com/parenting/we-make-our-teenager-pay-rent
https://www.professorshouse.com/charging-a-teenager-rent/
https://www.newsweek.com/teen-asking-stepdad-pay-rent-house-reddit-1735656
https://empeople.com/learn/empeople-insights/6-real-money-lessons-for-teens
https://sc.lawforkids.org/speakup/view_question.cfm?id=134&page=3
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/charge-children-rent-debate-tiktok-b2342234.html
https://www.afr.com/life-and-luxury/health-and-wellness/why-you-should-make-your-adult-kids-pay-rent-to-live-in-your-house-20221219-p5c7ha
https://www.easternstandardtimes.com/episode/rent-is-too-damn-high-for-young-people-across-asia
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220622-the-young-singaporeans-striking-out-on-their-own
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220124-why-teens-a

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Nobody would argue against the benefits of exercise, but there are lots of school kids who dread physical education lessons, and dodge exercise whenever it's raised. 

When Nicola contacted us asking for advice on how to get her 12 year old daughter to do more exercise we thought it was a perfect topic for us to discuss. 

It turns out that lack of exercise in teens is a worldwide problem, most pronounced in South Korea, and that teen girls significantly trail boys in doing the recommended amounts of exercise in almost every country around the world. 

‘Globally, during adolescence, ‘girls’ worlds shrink, while boys’ expand’. One study finds that the map of 14-yo girls’ day-to-day movements is 2/5 the size of that of their 11-yo selves, and only 1/3 the size of 14-yo male peers’ movements. In Texas, teenage girls do 65% less physical activity than boys. Girls drop out of sport clubs in adolescence at far higher rates than boys. This sets a trend for life.’ Dr Rachel Hewitt author of In Her Nature

We talk about what it feels like to come from a family that doesn't exercise, some of the big barriers to it such as lack of facilities, space, shame, and public perception of who should be exercising. 

Hopefully this will help us, as parents, to focus on ways in which we can support our teens to get more active. It will definitely benefit them and, if we lead by example, the benefit will be for the entire family.  

BOOKS:
Bounce: Matthew Syed 

TIPS:
https://www.parkrun.org.uk/
App my daughter loves: Couch to 5k runner (yellow) by Fitness22
www.boostfit.com

Parenting teenagers and media literacy. (0:02)

News consumption, physical activity levels in teens. (3:33)

Children's fitness and the importance of basic strength. (11:18)

UK school policies and gender equality in sports. (16:04)

Motivating kids to exercise and the impact of parental influence. (20:36)

Promoting physical activity and exercise for families. (24:31)

Promoting physical activity for teenagers. (28:49)

RESOURCES:
https://www.who.int/news/item/22-11-2019-new-who-led-study-says-majority-of-adolescents-worldwide-are-not-sufficiently-physically-active-putting-their-current-and-future-health-at-risk#:~:text=The%20study%2C%20published%20in%20The,85%25%20of%20girls%20and%2078%25
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/teens-and-exercise#:~:text=They%20are%20more%20likely%20to,t%20need%20to%20be%20boring.

Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk