My co-host and I discuss a few of the potentially lasting changes (hopefully good ones) from the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic.

My friend Mike Garrett joins us in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic crisis to discuss the purpose in the process of suffering. Thank you for your patience as I took several months off to “counter balance” a few other goals and projects. I’m glad to be back doing the podcast, especially now, and I appreciate all of the continued positive feedback and support.

Some links for what we discussed in this episode:

• Falling Into Grace, by John Newton (I quote from this book several times in this episode). I found this book in an Episcopal church book store during a break at the Austin Film Festival, and it has turned into my “sleeper hit” of the year, book wise. An unexpected joy to read, and full of deep, applicable truth.

• The Bible Project - great videos, even better podcast (if you’re a fan of deep, long-format podcasts like I obviously am).

My friend Will Blackman returns to help kick-off the second season of the podcast and give us an update. For his first visit, go check out Episode 19!

In this episode, Will and I discussed:

• What Will has learned about the importance of staying in the moment - and how continuously returning to prayer throughout the day can help exercise that muscle

• Taking refuge within, despite “the shuffling of plates"

• How does Will feel about Viktor Frankl’s charge that we should strive to live in a manner “worth” our suffering?

• Learning to accept and embrace love (from both God and people)

• Viktor Frankl’s view on religion being for the salvation of the soul, while logotherapy is for healing. Does God have a real place in our lives if we truly believe we can heal ourselves?

• How constant distraction by the physical can starve us from experiencing the spiritual

• The importance of making room to listen for God

I hope you enjoy our conversation about the purpose in the process of staying in the moment!

Famous chefs don’t become known because of their humility. But as it turns out, their restaurants might.

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with renowned chef Peter Merriman about his unique approach to hospitality in his restaurants. Why is it that a person always feels welcome when they check-in with his hosts? How does Peter motivate his entire staff to entertain like they are “throwing a party every night,” prepare each and every dish like they are “cooking for their mom,” and consistently go above and beyond to “do the right thing” for every customer they meet?

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why service matters as much (if not more) than the food

• What are his “vital few” that he focuses on with staff?

• The key importance of establishing and maintaining relationships

• How Peter hires right, then gives his people a chance to shine

• What it means to focus on the “internal customers”

• How those who are served can get the most out of our experience as customers

• The importance of sustainability, and connecting with the source of our food

• How customer demand impacts quality

• The importance of humility to the success of any restaurant

Thanks for listening! As always, I appreciate your feedback, and please consider supporting this ad-free podcast by becoming a supporter on Patreon

Links and More Info:

https://www.merrimanshawaii.com/

https://www.monkeypodkitchen.com/

PETER’S STORY:

Peter Merriman has been as a culinary pioneer in Hawaii for 30 years. Known as the original “locavore”, Peter is a vocal champion of Hawaii’s farmers, ranchers and fishermen. His restaurants showcase island grown and harvested foods through simple preparations that reflect the myriad flavors of Hawaii’s multiculturalism. Dubbed the “Pied Piper of Hawaii Regional Cuisine” by The Los Angeles Times, he is a continuing inspiration to Hawaii’s thriving culinary scene. 

Early Years 

Peter was raised in Pittsburgh, where a passion for food was instilled in him from a young age. His mother, Woodene, was a noted Pittsburgh Post Gazette food writer, and by the time he was 16, he was doing “grunt work” for Master Chef Ferdinand Metz at the H. J. Heinz Co. (Chef Metz later headed the renowned Culinary Institute of America.) 

Pursuing the opportunity to play football, Peter attended The University of Pennsylvania and studied Political Science. After graduation, Merriman enrolled in a three-year Chef's Apprentice Program with RockResorts under the auspices of the American Culinary Federation. The apprenticeship program took Peter to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and to Woodstock, Vermont, where he studied at the Woodstock Inn, under the supervision of Chef Hans Schadler. He then went on to various stints in resort areas across the United States and Europe, including a summer working among the vineyards of France’s Champagne region. 

In early 1983, Peter was hired as a cook for the Mauna Lani Bay Hotel. He arrived in Hawaii with one suitcase and $75 in his pocket thinking he would stay a few months at the most. But he fell in love with the natural beauty of the islands and the rich culture of the people who live there. In 1985, only two years after his arrival, he was appointed Executive Chef of the Mauna Lani Resort’s new Gallery Restaurant. 

Chef & Pioneer of Hawaii Regional Cuisine 

At his interview for the chef position at The Gallery Restaurant, Peter was asked what type of food he wanted to feature. Without thinking, he said “regional cuisine” and went on to explain how no other restaurants were serving the local fish and produce. Peter believed that to be able to offer fish that was caught the same morning and to use vegetables harvested the day that they were served was essential to providing the best gourmet Hawaii cuisine. 

When Peter got the job, he had to deliver on the concept, but quickly discovered there were almost no local products available. 

Peter advertised in the newspapers and went out to the farms, ranches and docks to let local producers know he wanted whatever they had. 

“We’re in this together,” he told them, “If you grow it or catch it, I’ll buy it, and we all succeed.” Pretty soon he had built solid partnerships 

and local producers would try to get or grow whatever he needed. 

As he began recruiting other chefs to focus on local foods, “Hawaii Regional Cuisine” was born with Peter as founding president. Peter says it was just the right thing to do. “We were able to serve the freshest, most flavorful food at the restaurant. The bonus is that it benefits the local economy while helping to preserve the land and the agrarian way of life. 

Merriman’s Restaurants 

In 1988, Peter opened his signature upcountry restaurant, Merriman’s, in Waimea on the Big Island of Hawaii. He was proclaimed, "A gourmet in cowboy country" by Hana Hou!, the Magazine of Hawaiian Airlines. The New York Times raved “Everything at Merriman’s…features the freshest local ingredients paired in exciting ways,” and San Francisco Magazine exclaimed “His Wok-charred Ahi is to die for!” 

It was at Merriman’s Waimea that Peter garnered the attention of the James Beard Foundation and as a result, he was a Finalist in the “Best Chef Northwest & Hawaii” category three distinct times. 

In 1994, Peter partnered with TS Restaurants to open Hula Grill on Maui’s famed Ka`anapali Beach. Hula Grill, touted “the best fish house in the islands” by Honolulu Magazine, brought the concepts of Hawaii Regional Cuisine to a beachside setting. 

Two more fine dining restaurants were added to the Merriman’s Hawaii group in 2008 and 2009 - Merriman’s Kapalua, on the grounds of the scenic resort on Maui’s West Side, and Merriman’s Fish House in Poipu, Kauai. Downstairs from the fish house, Peter offers casual dining at Merriman’s Gourmet Pizza & Burgers. 

In June 2018, Merriman’s Hawaii Group opened for the first time on Oahu, bringing Merriman’s Kaka’ako to Ward Village by Howard Hughes. 

In 2011, Peter launched a new venture in casual dining, Handcrafted Restaurants, with restaurateur Bill Terry. Handcrafted Restaurants is a multi-concept restaurant company operating four restaurants across the Hawaiian Islands: Monkeypod Kitchen by Merriman in Wailea and Ka’anapali, Maui and Ko Olina Oahu, Moku Kitchen in Kaka’ako, Oahu, and the Beach House in Poipu, Kauai. 

We go to the doctor with the goal of feeling better, so it should come as no surprise that conventional medicine is often aimed at helping us deal with symptoms, rather than identifying and addressing the underlying cause. Such an approach is all the more likely in an overwhelmed healthcare system where doctors are increasingly unable to spend the time required to identify and address the root issues behind many “chronic” conditions, especially those with no immediately apparent source.

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Hyla Cass about what has fueled her career-long desire to get to the bottom of what ails her patients, whether as a replacement for, or alongside more conventional treatments. As a renowned expert in functional medicine, Dr. Cass has written extensively about topics such as the nutritional supplementation of prescription drugs, alternative approaches to overcoming addiction, and even ways patients can avoid addiction to begin with by employing natural ways to elevate mood, battle stress, and increase energy.

Her latest passion involves the many uses of CBD oil for the treatment of a variety of conditions, which she writes about in her new book Your Amazing Itty Bitty Guide to Cannabis: 15 Key Steps to Understanding the Many Benefits of the Cannabis Plant.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The importance of recognizing emotional trauma in the treatment of physical symptoms

• Prevention and treatment of postpartum depression

• The potential link between prescription drugs and mass shootings

• The influence of economics on healthcare policy and conventional medical treatment in the US

• Her viewpoint as a physician on the challenges facing the US health insurance system

• How CBD oil can be used to address a wide variety of issues

• Recent developments (and historic research) into the use of hallucinogenics to treat mental illness

• The importance of organic eating, moving every day, and social/family activities to promoting health and well-being

Links:

Dr. Cass’ website

Link to the article Dr. Cass wrote about the possible connection between prescription drugs and mass shootings.

Link to the Weed documentary with Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

Projectcbd.org, a site recommended for information relating to the research behind CBD oil.

ewg.org, the environmental working group site dedicated to empowering people to live healthier lives in a healthier environment.

Link to the Secret Ingredients movie we discussed, about the unexpected impact of the ingredients in our every day foods.

Your Amazing Itty Bitty Guide to Cannabis: 15 Key Steps to Understanding the Many Benefits of the Cannabis Plant

8 Weeks to Vibrant Health 2016: A Take-Charge Plan for Women to Correct Imbalances, Reclaim Energy and Restore Well-Being

Supplement Your Prescription: What Your Doctor Doesn't Know about Nutrition

Natural Highs: Supplements, Nutrition, and Mind-Body Techniques to Help You Feel Good All the Time

8 Weeks to Vibrant Health

We go to the doctor with the goal of feeling better, so it should come as no surprise that conventional medicine is often aimed at helping us deal with symptoms, rather than identifying and addressing the underlying cause. Such an approach is all the more likely in an overwhelmed healthcare system where doctors are increasingly unable to spend the time required to identify and address the root issues behind many “chronic” conditions, especially those with no immediately apparent source.

In this episode of the podcast, I spoke with Dr. Hyla Cass about what has fueled her career-long desire to get to the bottom of what ails her patients, whether as a replacement for, or alongside more conventional treatments. As a renowned expert in functional medicine, Dr. Cass has written extensively about topics such as the nutritional supplementation of prescription drugs, alternative approaches to overcoming addiction, and even ways patients can avoid addiction to begin with by employing natural ways to elevate mood, battle stress, and increase energy.

Her latest passion involves the many uses of CBD oil for the treatment of a variety of conditions, which she writes about in her new book Your Amazing Itty Bitty Guide to Cannabis: 15 Key Steps to Understanding the Many Benefits of the Cannabis Plant.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The importance of recognizing emotional trauma in the treatment of physical symptoms

• Prevention and treatment of postpartum depression

• The potential link between prescription drugs and mass shootings

• The influence of economics on healthcare policy and conventional medical treatment in the US

• Her viewpoint as a physician on the challenges facing the US health insurance system

• How CBD oil can be used to address a wide variety of issues

• Recent developments (and historic research) into the use of hallucinogenics to treat mental illness

• The importance of organic eating, moving every day, and social/family activities to promoting health and well-being

Links:

Dr. Cass’ website

Link to the article Dr. Cass wrote about the possible connection between prescription drugs and mass shootings.

Link to the Weed documentary with Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

Projectcbd.org, a site recommended for information relating to the research behind CBD oil.

ewg.org, the environmental working group site dedicated to empowering people to live healthier lives in a healthier environment.

Link to the Secret Ingredients movie we discussed, about the unexpected impact of the ingredients in our every day foods.

Your Amazing Itty Bitty Guide to Cannabis: 15 Key Steps to Understanding the Many Benefits of the Cannabis Plant

8 Weeks to Vibrant Health 2016: A Take-Charge Plan for Women to Correct Imbalances, Reclaim Energy and Restore Well-Being

Supplement Your Prescription: What Your Doctor Doesn't Know about Nutrition

Natural Highs: Supplements, Nutrition, and Mind-Body Techniques to Help You Feel Good All the Time

8 Weeks to Vibrant Health

What accomplishments are you most proud of? When you think of the "top stories" of your life - those where you felt most empowered, full of joy, or simply had a great time doing something you were really good at - which experiences rise to the top? More importantly, what specific attributes seem to be common to each of those stories?

On the heels of a couple deep philosophical episodes about finding “purpose,” I wanted to offer some concrete advice about the “process” someone might use to start figuring out what they want to be when they grow up. I’ve mentioned the “Seven Stories Exercise” in several past episodes and have promised to unpack that process at some point…at long last, here it is!

In this episode, we discuss:

• The importance of doing “the work” in discovering what motivates you, not just what you are good at!

• The Seven Stories process I have used (and have taught others to use) that will help you brainstorm career change ideas; or how you might stay in your current role but in a more meaningful, happy way

• How you as a candidate can use this tool to come up with questions for your next job interview

• I offer a free, practical evaluative tool you can use once you have done this work to sift through potential job opportunities and life changes - I hope it benefits you!

Links:

A pretty good example of someone else’s tool to do the first part of the exercise (i.e., to spot your essential traits)

Then, here’s the simple free tool I designed myself in Google Sheets to compare various opportunities and track my own desired job attributes against those prospects (this tool gives you a final output of the 7 stories process).

In this second part of a two-part special series I focus on the importance, and process, of finding meaning and purpose in life, as found in the book Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. Frankl explains how responsibility to oneself and others (and to what life is asking of you) is a vital counterpart to freedom, a concept echoed by many present-day authors, including notable thought leaders like Jordan Peterson and Jocko Wilink. If you only listen to one of these two episodes on Frankl’s book, this is the one to listen to for sure, because we talk and reflect on the second section of the book which is where Frankl goes into detail about the actual process of finding meaning in life.

My 15 year old son Joseph joined me for this second part of the series, and offers his generation’s unique perspective on this issue.

We definitely added a lot of our own thoughts to what Frankl wrote about this topic, so I hope you enjoy as we discuss:

• Distinctions between Freud, Adler, and Frankl

• The importance of the pursuit of meaning in general (the will to meaning)

• How meaning is found in each and every moment

• What it means to answering life’s questions for each of us - not just challenges, but gifts as well

• If people aren’t motivated by money and power, then what does motivate them?

• How smiling more can make you happier

• Why is that men tend to have more issues with purpose and meaning?

• What does Peterson mean when he echoes Frankl’s views on how our “rights” are only half of the conversation - what about the responsibilities that come with those rights?

• What responsibilities might come with our rights as “freedom loving” Americans?

• What country might gift the US a statue of responsibility?

• Did Frankl in 1946 predict accurately that technological advancements in AI and robotics would lead to an increase in existential crises from a lack of meaning and purpose?

• What does it mean when a person in the Christian faith says their purpose is found in God?

• How spiritual disciplines fit into the daily practice of seeking purpose in faith

• What does it mean that we find out who we are by discovering who we are not?

• There’s no one particular abstract meaning of life - it is unique to each person

• Our invitation for Jocko Wilink to come on the show and change Joseph’s mind

• The three specific ways Frankl describes as paths to finding meaning

• What can be done to turn the tide on the lack of responsibility in society - if anything

Links:

Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning

The TED Talk on smiling Joseph referred to

Herzberg’s 2 factor theory (Motivation/Hygiene) for what truly motivates people

The Statue of Responsibility prototype at UVU in Utah

Jordan Peterson’s Self-Authoring suite

Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Living: An Antidote to Chaos

The 4th Industrial Revolution: A Guardian article about whether a life lived with robots taking over our jobs is really worth living

The authentic manhood program, originally taught by Robert Lewis in 2005, where he described a crisis of masculinity due to an unclear idea of what it means to be a man today (and included rejecting passivity as part of the solution)

Benjamin Franklin’s exhortation to prayer

Jocko Wilink’s Extreme Ownership: How US Navy Seals Lead and Win

The great movie about the importance of outlook and attitude, The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life

In this special episode of the podcast I wanted to respond to a listener request by offering some takeaways from the globally renowned book Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. I’ve mentioned this book in past episodes when discussing the importance of living a life of purpose with various guests, because at the end of the day Frankl’s message regarding the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life is core to the whole point of this podcast. This is not intended to be a summary by any means, and is certainly not a scholarly attempt to interpret what Frankl wrote in 1946 - but perhaps my amateur musings about such an amazing piece of literature will inspire you to get a copy this important book so you can see for yourself the conclusions that might be reached.

When I interview guests I’m always interested in the processes and stories about what makes their particular journey, craft, skill, or art so unique, but I’m even more interested in the purpose behind those processes. Frankl’s book offers insights as to why purpose is so important to all of us, and how finding meaning in our lives (and even the process of setting out to do so) can help us to overcome many emotional, mental, and even physical challenges.

I hope you enjoy part 1 of this special 2 part series, which covers:

• Life in the concentration camps of WW 2

• How they could tell when a prisoner had lost the will to live, and what that meant for them

• The delusion of reprieve

• Is it true that people can get used to just about anything?

• What does it mean that “love” is the ultimate and highest purpose?

• The importance of taking refuge in the inner-life

• Humor as a weapon for saving the soul

• Freedom from suffering as a form of negative happiness

• How attempting to avoid suffering can often cause it

• The importance of paying attention to inward peace (or lack thereof) in making our choices

• The last of human freedoms: to be worthy of your sufferings

• The dangers of retrospective living

• The importance of naming our emotions

• How loss of hope can have a deadly effect

• The two races of men

LINKS

Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Tara Brach’s article “Tea with Mara”

They say courtesy is not so common anymore - this seems to be especially true on the road. As I start to teach my son how to drive, I’ve been noticing that even some of the most experienced adult drivers are no longer driving in the kind of courteous and safe manner most likely to avoid both accidents and tickets. In this episode of the podcast I summarize a few principles about safe driving, and offer my insights as both a former police officer and attorney into some of the top ways to stay safer on the road, including how to avoid and deal with road rage. I hope you enjoy this episode about the purpose in the process of staying safe on the road!

Resources:

Tips for keeping young drivers off cell phones

NHTSA’s Crash Stats site

AAA’s road rage brochure

Have you ever wondered if you have found your true calling? What even makes something a “calling” anyways? In this short “10-minute take-aways” bonus episode, we summarize a process that might be useful for you when considering these questions. What I like best about this particular process is that it also helps you identify the type of changes that might be needed to get yourself positioned into a new and more meaningful direction.

This is hardly a new process, but lately I’ve found myself explaining it to a few people and so I thought it would be something my audience would enjoy learning more about. I hope you enjoy this bonus episode about the purpose in the process of finding your calling!

If you’re a life-long learner, you will undoubtedly create a lot of stories. The more careers, jobs, skills, and new circumstances you experience, the more people you will cross paths with. But, at the end of the day, who are those stories really for? My friend and fellow polymath Joe Villarreal joined me in this episode for a wide-ranging discussion about the importance of surrendering our own hopes and fears to experience the joy and fulfillment that comes from living a life in the eternal space we know only as “now”…and the importance of sharing what we experience in that space with others.

Joe and I discussed:

• Why it’s important to embrace who you are

• The need for change agents

• How to know what to do next (or, “letting the bubbles land”)

• What does it mean to have “now” faith?

• The necessity of surrender

• How we can often get lost in our own “joy creation”

• Why regret and hesitation must be “removed from the equation”

• Why our own happiness is also our own responsibility

I hope you enjoy our conversation about the purpose in the process of telling our own story!

More Information and Resources Mentioned:

Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward book - I’ve previously discussed this book in other episodes. Another book that has some great short contemplations is Rohr’s Just This. I am still in the process of wrapping my head around some of Rohr’s other writings - and I may not agree with everything Rohr believes to be true, but regardless, these are two books I have very much enjoyed (and one thing I appreciate about Rohr is that he doesn’t expect everyone to agree with everything he believes either).

Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning is another book I have referenced before - a must-read.

Here’s a link to a Hollywood Reporter piece on the documentary “The Lady in Number 6” - you can check it out on Netflix.

Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

In Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, author Richard Rohr builds on psychologist Carl Jung’s description of a process by which we let go of who we think we are supposed to be, and start to more accurately express our “true” selves. Rohr, a Franciscan Priest, adds a spiritual perspective to Jung’s framework of first half and second half life experiences, concluding that “Your True Self is who you objectively are from the beginning, in the mind and heart of God.” This is, of course, hardly a view unique to the Christian faith. As Rohr points out, Zen Buddhists have since long ago referred to the true self as “the face you had before you were born.”

Rohr’s “second half” spiritual discovery of a true self requires what he calls a “downward process” brought on by a divinely placed “stumbling stone,” resulting in the paradoxically necessary process of self-surrender. Rohr is not alone in his application of scripture, church history, and experience to reach the conclusion that we often stand in our own way when it comes to experiencing all that God has in store for us. “Sooner or later a servant of God discovers that he himself is the greatest frustration of his work.” So wrote Watchman Nee (1903-1972), an early 20th century church leader and teacher who died in a Chinese prison after 20 years of incarceration for his faith. Similar to Rohr’s “downward process,” Nee explains in The Breaking of the Outer Man and the Release of the Spirit that our lives inevitably require the breaking of an outer veneer to release the “true” spirit inside each of us. Author John Eldredge, in his popular book Wild At Heart, similarly writes that “In order to take a man into his wound, so that he can heal it and begin the release of the true self, God will thwart the false self. He will take away all that you’ve leaned upon to bring you life.” As Eldredge explains, the process of taking off a mask worn for a lifetime can sometimes be a painful one.

So, what’s the point - is this just about building a better “you”? It can end there - but it doesn’t have to. There’s so much more to it than that. Unlike typical “self-help” practices, which make no apologies for perfecting and improving as a means to itself, what Christian authors like Nee, Rohr, and Eldridge all describe in the “breaking” process is not merely a journey of self-improvement for the purpose of “bettering ourselves.” While certainly greater peace and contentment may come from a better understanding of our true nature, Nee explains that by virtue of this journey God “wants to prepare a way to bring His blessing to the world through those who belong to Him.” In other words, it turns out that in finding ourselves (and hence our unique purpose) we will eventually realize, as Rick Warren writes in the first line of The Purpose Driven Life, that “It’s not about you.” Then, who is it about? Answering that question may first require you to reimagine your concept, or description, of God.

Is it possible that in the process of helping you to discover your own “true self,” God will also be revealing something to you something about who He is? In addition to becoming a greater blessing to the world, as Nee describes, is it possible that God also wants you to be a blessing to Him? What if it’s just as important to consider not only what God wants for you, but why he wants that, for you? We can often think of prayer (and even faith practices more broadly) as ways by which we discover God’s will for our lives, get answers, obtain guidance, make divine requests, intercede for others, and try to learn more about our purpose. All good things! But what if God might also have something to relate to each of us individually - about himself? What if, by breaking our outer man, we might also learn more not just about our own heart, but also about God’s heart for each of us? If we truly believe that God is both immanent and transcendent (totally unfathomable and yet intensely knowable), then why wouldn’t He be constantly working to reveal Himself to you?

My friend Will Blackman joined me in this episode for a deep discussion about not just the process of breaking, but also more importantly God’s desire to use that process to reveal more about Himself. My hope is that this will be the first of several more episodes where we unpack in more detail what it looks like to “get out of our own way” in how we relate to God, and continually seek His purpose for our lives.

Will and I discussed:

• Why God reminds the Israelites (and us) in Deuteronomy about the importance of “remembering” what He has done

• The difference between having knowledge about God, and learning more from Him about Himself

• What does it mean that Jesus’ sheep hear his voice, and he knows them? (John 10:27)

• The difference between our view of sin, and God’s view of sin

• How the seeking of God’s heart as a spiritual practice now prepares us for our own “trials” ahead

• Common grace versus specific grace (the importance of both)

• What does it look like to hear from God? (two questions to consider asking God in prayer)

I hope you enjoy our conversation about the purpose in the process of breaking - stay tuned for more on this topic!

Check out shilohcoleman.com for links to the books mentioned in the podcast! 

Mentoring can sometimes be a difficult process - especially when it comes to sensitive topics like marriage. How can we best help our friends when they come to us expressing marital conflict? How can we learn to benefit from that same process ourselves, the next time we face challenges in our own relationships? Whether you’re a man or a woman, married or single, you’ll want to listen to this episode about how to help your friends, and how to continually improve your own marriage, by focusing on what we ourselves can do (whether as husband or wife) to better meet the others’ needs.

In this episode, I interviewed MacKenzie Price, a trained mentor and lay-counselor who has years of experience helping women recognize the value of living with intentionality in their relationships and creating lives that match their stated priorities.

MacKenzie and I discussed:

• The unique challenges women face in getting good advice about relationships

• Why marriages can quickly become a lower priority (and how to do something about it)

• The value of Socratic questions in helping people recognize the danger they are in

• What’s most important to husbands? (the answer may surprise you)

• The one thing that can’t be neglected for a healthy marriage (this answer won’t surprise you)

• Knowing when a mentee is ready for real growth, and how to respond when they aren’t

• The downsides of offering “blind support” and why it’s worth the confrontation

I hope you enjoy our conversation about the purpose in the process of mentoring a marriage!

MacKenzie Price is passionate about helping women see the value of living with intentionality in their relationships and creating lives that match up with their stated priorities. With a husband of 15 years and two daughters, she understands how hard juggling family, work and life in general can be, so she strives to help people create a full and vibrant life that goes beyond just getting by. Always up for conversation and adventure, she does work with personal development trainings through Reinvent Ministries, college mentorship with CRU, lay counseling with Women of Care and leads women’s study groups focusing on marriage, parenting, and Bible study.  

MacKenzie has a B.A. in Psychology from Stanford University and began her career in software marketing and sales, then spent 17 years building a successful mortgage business from which she retired in 2018. She also hosted a weekly segment on Austin’s TWC News called On the Town. Passionate about education, MacKenzie helped build Alpha, a cutting-edge school for K-12 in Austin, TX. She has made her home in Austin, TX since 1998, but her favorite getaway is a trip to the mountains for some great skiing or hiking.

You can find and follow MacKenzie on Instagram @mackenziep18, and on Facebook @mackenzielarsonprice.

Links to Resources

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs.

Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr

A great site for Ennegram testing - I reference this (my favorite personality profile test) in so many episodes…it’s worth your time.

Have you ever thought about living abroad? It seems like every week I meet someone who is seriously considering it - or at least dreaming about the possibility. As so many “knowledge work” jobs become capable of getting done anywhere, and often on any schedule, that dream of living abroad can become a real option. But what does it actually look like to make that decision (and then do it)?

The specific answer to that question is obviously highly dependent on where you might be thinking of moving to, but if that place is Japan, you’re in luck - because in this episode I interviewed James Coleman (my brother) about his recent experience making that decision, and then executing on it. He moved his family from the US to Kobe, Japan last year, and I think his story could be valuable for anyone to hear, regardless of where they are considering ending up. Being a technologist who stills runs a US-based business from Japan, he also has a unique perspective on the various work-related factors that play into such a decision.

In this episode of the podcast, James and I discussed:

• The decision making process for moving abroad (as he explains, the toughest part)

• The significance of language - it may not be as significant as you think

• The fascinating cultural differences between Japan and the US

• A discussion of the challenges, and the surprisingly easy things about an international move

• Tips for considering the process (and technological hurdles) of working remotely

I hope you enjoy our conversation about the purpose in the process living and working abroad!

James Coleman is a wired polymath and entrepreneur who draws on multiple disciplines - tech, business and social psychology - within both Japanese and Western cultures, to solve meaningful problems in underserved markets.

James founded his first successful startup while still in business school, focused on self-funded profitable growth as primary drivers of continuous improvement and quality. He has been an advisor to numerous companies including Apple and Sony, and he enjoys mentoring entrepreneurs who want to create disruptive, positive change.

Today he is co-founder of Tech Concierge, a company that provides a unique combination of cloud tech and services called Carbon-Free IT™ that helps businesses grow and succeed anywhere on the globe, from the biggest metropolis to the most remote regions of the planet. James also currently consults for business leaders in the US and Canada, helping them better understand how to localize their businesses to successfully approach and succeed in Japan’s massive market.

James is also a self-described Japaneur, having moved to Japan from Southern California to explore and enjoy the country and its culture while discovering new opportunities to grow personally and professionally. James enjoys living in Kobe, Japan with his wife and two sons.

You can find and follow James at japaneur.com (@japaneur) and techconcierge.com (@techconcierge)

In part 2 of this two-part interview recorded on MLK day 2019, Melanie Atha told us about her other role as the Executive Director of the Episcopal Peace Fellowship (EPF).

In this second episode of the two-part series, we discussed:

• How Melanie (and EPF) advocate for peace

• A discussion from varying viewpoints on policymaking responses to gun violence

• What it’s like to live a “nomadic” life touring multiple states in “Miranda” (their van)

• How advocating for peace needs to start by making peace with yourself

I hope you enjoy this episode on the purpose in the process of advocating for peace!

Melanie Atha received her J.D. from Vanderbilt University and her B.A., magna cum laude, in Political Science from Birmingham-Southern College.  Since 2011, she has been practicing Collaborative Law. She is the Past President and Current Executive Director of the Board of Directors of the Global Collaborative Law Council, (www.globalcollaborativelaw.com) which is an international collaborative practice group dedicated to expanding the use of Collaborative Law to areas of the law other than domestic relations.  She also recently served as Co-Chairman of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution’s Collaborative Law Committee.  She is Immediate Past President of Birmingham Collaborative Alliance (BCA), Alabama’s first and only Collaborative Law Practice Group (www.birminghamcollaborative.com), of which she is a founding member.  She is a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), (www.collaborativepractice.com), the international consortium of lawyers, financial professionals and mental health professionals who are committed to helping clients resolve family disputes outside of traditional legal forums.  

She founded the Birmingham Bar Association Collaborative Law Committee in 2016, and served as its inaugural chairman.  She has extensive training in Interdisciplinary Collaborative Practice.  She served on the Alabama Law Institute’s Committee on Collaborative Law and the Collaborative Law Rules Committee, and was part of the group which vetted the Uniform Collaborative Law Act (“UCLA”), enacted by Alabama’s legislature in May, 2013.  (The UCLA went into effect on January 1, 2014.)  A veteran trial lawyer, Melanie was elected by her peers as a Charter Fellow in The Litigation Counsel of America, a national trial lawyer honorary society.  She was recognized by Super Lawyers as one of the top 25 women lawyers in Alabama for 2013, and is regularly listed in The Best Lawyers in America.  She often writes about and lectures on Collaborative Law.

Melanie is recently retired from the private practice of law after 30 years to assume the Executive Directorship of the Episcopal Peace Fellowship. (www.epfnational.org).  In her positions as ED of EPF and GCLC, she has recently started a tour of the country with her husband, Steven, in their Unity Leisure Travel Van (“Miranda”), stopping in cities and towns along the way to talk about peacemaking and collaborating in churches, bar associations, and civic groups.   Austin is their second stop.

You can follow Melanie and Steven on their year-long journey for peace at at www.epfnational.org, on Facebook (Episcopal Peace Fellowship), soon also on Twitter (@episcopalpeace) and Instagram. Also at www.globalcollaborativelaw.com, on Facebook (Global Collaborative Law Council), Twitter (@law_collab), LinkedIn (Global Collaborative Law Council) and soon Instagram. Finally, be sure to check-out Steven’s photographic record of their trip at www.missingpersonsrv.com and on Instagram (missingpersonsrv) (a personal website for the Melanie and Steven – they will be blogging and Steven will be posting beautiful photographs!).

The book Melanie mentioned: Christianity the first 3,000 years by Diarmaid MacCulloch

Ways to support Melanie and Steven during their "year of action": 

1. Give to EPF

2. Offers of hospitality always welcome!

3. Suggestions of icons of social justice, landmarks or museums she must see.

4. Driveway for parking “Miranda”, her home on wheels. (Home or church parking lot welcome)

5. Offer of laundry facilities.

6. Suggestions of coffee shops, eateries, and sports bars she should visit.

7. Identify best walks and hikes in your neighborhood.

8. Invite her to church!

9. Prayers for safe travel.

10. Favorite camp sites (with dump station, preferred).

11. Visits with your pets — she is feeling deprived!

12. Home baked goodies (only if you are baking, anyway).

13. Make time to see her and introduce her around!

14. Favorite sites for photo ops.

You’ve likely heard someone say that “the only people who ‘win’ in litigation are the attorneys.” While the right to go to court will always remain an important part of our civil justice system, if you’ve been involved in litigation yourself you may understand why “winning” doesn’t always provide a clear victory, for anyone involved. There’s no question litigation will continue to dictate the outcome for many difficult to resolve matters, but it’s important to know about the potential for other less adversarial ways of resolving disputes as well - especially when there’s more than just money at stake. In a collaborative approach to resolving disputes, the lawyers for each side sign an agreement promising they won’t represent the parties if the matter goes to court. The parties also pledge to pursue an open process with their lawyers (and sometimes other professionals acting as neutral experts) with the mutual desire to reach a resolution that brings true closure to the issues they are facing together. In this episode we’ll discuss how this process works, and why it often leads to transformational experiences for everyone involved.

In part one of this two-part series on peacemaking that we recorded on MLK day of 2019, Melanie Atha, Executive Director of the Global Collaborative Law Council, joined us for an interview about “Collaborative Law,” a revolutionary dispute resolution movement that has the potential to help many people resolve disputes peacefully, and in ways that salvage their relationships. In part-two we’ll discuss peacemaking in general with Melanie, and how yet another non-profit she represents has worked tirelessly to promote the cause of peace since 1939 (stay tuned!).

In this first episode of the two-part podcast, we discussed:

• The importance of protecting the dignity of the parties to any dispute

• How non-legal neutral professionals, such as mental health and finance experts, can help to shed light on difficult situations for everyone involved

• Why parties who both see the need to preserve a relationship are perhaps the best candidates for the collaborative approach to resolution

• Why the clients themselves are responsible for driving this movement towards a more peaceful approach to dispute resolution

• The ways that this collaborative approach can lead to transformational moments, not just for the clients, but for the lawyers who participate in the process as well

Every situation is unique, and some matters will always require litigation, but hopefully this episode sheds light on one more possibility. Talk to your own attorney about the options available in your state (this podcast is of course not to be taken as legal advice).

I hope you enjoy this episode on the purpose in the process of collaborative resolution!

Melanie Atha received her J.D. from Vanderbilt University and her B.A., magna cum laude, in Political Science from Birmingham-Southern College.  Since 2011, she has been practicing Collaborative Law. She is the Past President and Current Executive Director of the Board of Directors of the Global Collaborative Law Council, (www.globalcollaborativelaw.com) which is an international collaborative practice group dedicated to expanding the use of Collaborative Law to areas of the law other than domestic relations.  She also recently served as Co-Chairman of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution’s Collaborative Law Committee.  She is Immediate Past President of Birmingham Collaborative Alliance (BCA), Alabama’s first and only Collaborative Law Practice Group (www.birminghamcollaborative.com), of which she is a founding member.  She is a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP), (www.collaborativepractice.com), the international consortium of lawyers, financial professionals and mental health professionals who are committed to helping clients resolve family disputes outside of traditional legal forums.

She founded the Birmingham Bar Association Collaborative Law Committee in 2016, and served as its inaugural chairman.  She has extensive training in Interdisciplinary Collaborative Practice.  She served on the Alabama Law Institute’s Committee on Collaborative Law and the Collaborative Law Rules Committee, and was part of the group which vetted the Uniform Collaborative Law Act (“UCLA”), enacted by Alabama’s legislature in May, 2013.  (The UCLA went into effect on January 1, 2014.)  A veteran trial lawyer, Melanie was elected by her peers as a Charter Fellow in The Litigation Counsel of America, a national trial lawyer honorary society.  She was recognized by Super Lawyers as one of the top 25 women lawyers in Alabama for 2013, and is regularly listed in The Best Lawyers in America.  She often writes about and lectures on Collaborative Law.

Melanie is recently retired from the private practice of law after 30 years to assume the Executive Directorship of the Episcopal Peace Fellowship. (www.epfnational.org).  In her positions as ED of EPF and GCLC, she has recently started a tour of the country with her husband, Steven, in their Unity Leisure Travel Van (“Miranda”), stopping in cities and towns along the way to talk about peacemaking and collaborating in churches, bar associations, and civic groups.   Austin is their second stop.

You can follow Melanie and Steven on their year-long journey for peace at at www.epfnational.org, on Facebook (Episcopal Peace Fellowship), soon also on Twitter (@episcopalpeace) and Instagram. Also at www.globalcollaborativelaw.com, on Facebook (Global Collaborative Law Council), Twitter (@law_collab), LinkedIn (Global Collaborative Law Council) and soon Instagram. Finally, be sure to check-out Steven’s photographic record of their trip at www.missingpersonsrv.com and on Instagram (missingpersonsrv) (a personal website for the Melanie and Steven – they will be blogging and Steven will be posting beautiful photographs!).

This is something NEW in 2019 called “10 minute takeaways” where I’ll summarize in 10 minutes or less the high points and takeaways from each interview or show. This was the result of great feedback from listeners in my audience - so thank you! My regular long-format interviews will continue, but these shortened versions will be great for people who want to go back and get a quick summary after enjoying the longer conversation, or if you just don’t have the time that particular week to listen to the entire interview but want to benefit from the highlights first.  Either way, I hope you enjoy! 

As always, links to podcast players of your choice and the full versions of past episodes (including this one) are available at shilohcoleman.com

American families spend $15.3 billion on youth sports activities, an amount that has literally doubled in the last 10 years. A family’s investment in youth athletics can often represent as much as 10% or more of a family’s income. Given these numbers, it may come as no surprise that more kids are placed onto “travel” and “select” teams than ever before. Year-round specialization and private training have become the norm in many communities, and the market incentives driving what has become known as the “youth sports industrial complex” show no signs of slowing. Gregory, S. (2017, August). How Youth Sports Became a $15 Billion Industry Time.

There’s no question that getting and keeping kids involved in a sport of some kind, at any level, is of tremendous value. Sports help teach teamwork, build character, and are important in promoting health and fitness. The time spent bonding with teammates and parents, and of course the incredible value of developing mentoring relationships with coaches, can be priceless. But as the “scholarship chase” trickles down to younger and younger age groups, many families are ow waking up to the stark reality that the intense pressure to perform is also causing them to burn out at an early age - and maybe even worse, to never learn to enjoy “the game.” So, what can be done to put the “fun” back in sports for these kids who are now at the epicenter of a multi-billion dollar pressure cooker?

I asked that very question of Jason Pierce, a professional youth sports coach. In this episode of the podcast, Jason and I discussed:

• His tips on effective coaching and relationship building with players

• Why adults sometimes need to step back and “let the kids play”

• The importance of avoiding early specialization

• What can be done to increase retention and keep kids playing longer

• How coaches can help parents keep a healthy and balanced perspective

• How Jason’s understanding of the problem has led him to coach the way he does - and why that’s still an effective way of developing a youth athlete

I hope you enjoy this episode on the purpose in the process of keeping sports fun!

About Jason:

Jason Pierce grew up in Massachusetts, about 20 miles west of Boston. Jason started skating at 5 years old.  He joined his first travel league (select hockey) at the age of 10, playing for the AAA Assabet Valley Patriots in the Greater Boston Metropolitan Hockey League.  After, he joined the 495 Stars organization where he played up until his freshman year of high school.  After four years of public high school hockey in Massachusetts, Jason attended Franklin Pierce University in New Hampshire, a NCAA Div. II school.  He went on to 4-year career that saw him hold the single season point record (if only for one year!) and was Captain of the team his senior year.  Jason’s coaching career started a few years after graduating from college. His first year coaching was for a AA bantam team in Newton MA.  After that, he was hooked and wanted to pursue coaching as a career.  In 2011, Jason became the head coach for the Boston Bruins FUNdamentals program in Greater Boston.  In 2012, Jason relocated to Austin, Texas to open a new rink, The Pond Hockey Club, where he currently serves as the Director of Player Development.  Jason also serves at the Director of 12U & 14U leagues in the Austin Metro Hockey Association.  When not on the ice, Jason enjoys mountain biking, reading, golfing, playing guitar and spending time with his 3 year old son, Keegan, his wife, Brandi and their two dogs, Haley and Lula.

Links and More Information on this Topic:

InsideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives, by Joe Ehrmann.

Outliers: The Story of Success, by Malcom Gladwell.

In addition to the Time article cited in the top paragraph above (which has some interesting statistics on the topic) here’s an article focused on the actual chances of obtaining full-ride athletic scholarships, and another on why it may not even truly be what you or your kid may want for his or her future.

The Pond Hockey Club - where Jason leads up the youth development programs. This rink was started by a team of people who believe strongly in both kids and adults keeping “fun” at the center of every practice, and every game. I can tell you from experience that they run a great adult program as well! (a “beer league” full of novice to former college/pro players, all just wanting to hit the ice and have some fun).

If you’re in Austin, Texas and want to get your kids involved in the locally growing sport of ice hockey, you can learn more about youth hockey in Austin in general at the Austin Metro Hockey Association

The USA Hockey website - while it’s definitely centered on youth and adult hockey, their online training materials on coaching kids and developing youth athletes really first-class.