Real Feels

Charles Bukowski was one of the most famous and revered poets of the 20th century, but did his attitude and actions toward women negatively influence a generation of men? And is it possible to separate the art from the problematic artist?  Host Brad Gage tries his best to do just that and fails mid-podcast to find that my moral threshold doesn’t allow him to admire people who demean and abuse women (no matter how much he loves their poetry).

Hosted, Edited, and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

What makes a guy a "creep"? And how can you make sure women aren't calling you one? While creepiness is subjective, it is the number one description to stay away from in dating or your social life. Being called a creep is one of the worst things for your reputation. Brad Gage takes time to figure out what are the traits of a “creep”, some actual examples of creepiness to give context, and some ideas on how to not become one. 

Hosted, Edited, and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

Host Brad Gage talks to Marc Milberg - founder of Olley, an app for men to connect with new friends in their area based on personality, interests, & more. Basically what they’ve built is a friendship-finding app that functions similarly to dating apps, but it’s all platonic. Studies show that in 2021, 15% of men reported having no close friends, compared to only 3% in 1990. This is a fivefold increase since 1990. Especially for anyone who just recently moved to a new city, finding male friends is not easy, so there is a clear need for something like this. 

Here is Marc Milberg’s explanation for why the world needs the Olley app, and how he and Brad may have just made ourselves friends IRL in the process of this podcast.

Download Olley: www.olleyapp.io

Hosted, Edited, and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

Brad talks to 2 time New York Times bestselling author Frederick Joseph about intersectional feminism, how people can be both oppressed and privileged at the same time, why he could beat Joe Rogan’s ass. Plus, they dive into the historical idea of women seen as property.

Fred has written the sometimes-banned books "The Black Friend" and "Patriarchy Blues", as well as "Better Than We Found It" and "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - The Courage to Dream". 

On this episode, Brad got to do something few people have done - talk with one of their favorite authors about specific passages of one of their favorite books.

Fred's Substack: https://frederickjoseph.substack.com/

Hosted and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

Brad talks to Michael Le (aka "Dr. Silk"), a men's coach, about how conversational artistry is pretty much the most important thing in talking to women. Michael talks about his emphasis on empathy, curiosity, and listening when it comes to engaging with women, or anybody successfully.

Brad's past episode about Pickup Artists and YouTube Dating Coaches caught Michael's attention, and the two talk about thoughtful, modern tactics in dating, as well as an explaination of the Andrew Tate phenomenon, MGTOW (men going their own way), and "black pill" mentalities.

Michael's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@realmrsilk

Hosted and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

Brad talks to writer, entrepreneur, and guy who helps men get sober - Tom Matlack. Tom is one of the authors of the book The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood and you should definitely check out his writing by searching his name in Substack.

What starts as a conversation of masculinity perspectives from a millennial guy versus a Gen X dude, turns into a deep assessment of life as a recovering alcoholic and money-obsessed individual. I’m so grateful to Tom for being so vulnerable, and zeroing in on why the dream of success and money is never really the answer to our inner troubles.

Tom's Substack: https://substack.com/profile/7575118-tom-matlack

Hosted and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

On today’s episode, Brad is talking to Dr. Caroline Heldman - a professor of Critical Theory and Social Justice at Occidental College in Los Angeles. She is also Executive Director of The Representation Project and has been featured in some of the most important documentaries on the subject of gender studies including Miss Representation and The Mask You Live In.

Caroline is a friend who has been instrumental in guiding Brad through his journey of exploration on the subjects of modern masculinity, rape culture, gender equity, and intersectional feminism. Basically, if Brad am ever confused about what to do or who to talk to about a certain subject, he's lucky to be able to reach out to Caroline. Today, we are chatting about the topics in her new book: The Sexy Lie - which is an update and deeper dive on her viral TED talk of the same name.

If you are interested in getting the book, there’s a link in the description or you can go to https://www.sororitymansion.org/books

Hosted and Produced by Brad Gage

Logo by Nolan Fabricius

Theme Song by Russell Henson

I think a lot of guys feel the exact same way as me. So why don't they talk about it openly? Because the patriarchy and modern masculinity tell us that if we do, we're breaking the bro code and we are the worst thing imaginable - feminine. But it's not gendered to feel emotions, it's human.

Written and Hosted and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe for more conversations around modern masculinity and the inner lives of men.

Research shows that tubesite porn use is leading men to be less engaged in real relationships, have more erectile dysfunction, and have less motivation to make human connections. Plus, the main porn industry is fraught with abuse and inequity. This is not a deep dive about the injustices of porn, while there are many. This is a practical, reasonable guide for guys who want to ween off of a genuine compulsion.

Written and Hosted and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe for more conversations around modern masculinity and the inner lives of men.

Guys, for the sake of your health, check in on the men in your life. Lean into the camaraderie you have in your community. And if you don’t have it, be brave and do the work to go get them. At least making male friendship connections should be a little less hard than dating.

Written and Hosted and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe for more conversations around modern masculinity and the inner lives of men.

This is a story about a group of the most traditionally masculine men possible - convicts, felons, and murderers - talking about feminism. Brad was inspired by the documentary "The Feminist on Cell Block Y" about program that helps teach prisoners about toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and how they can reach their personal goals in healthier ways. The film is a testament to rehabilitation, education, and how love within a community can heal the wounds we have within ourselves.

Written and Hosted and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe for more conversations around modern masculinity and the inner lives of men.

Euphoria is a groundbreaking TV series in a lot of ways, but it wasn’t until I understood how the show sexualizes teenagers that I realized why I had always felt uncomfortable at the idea of watching it. I explain how much the things we watch actually affect our view of the world, and why images of sexy teens can be harmful.

Written, Produced, Edited, and Hosted by Brad Gage

READ the Jessica Valenti piece "The Euphoria Problem" https://jessica.substack.com/p/the-euphoria-problem?s=r

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is arguably the biggest movie star in the world, and if you pay close enough attention, he's also the biggest feminist in Hollywood. Brad dives into The Rock's life, love, children, TV show, and more to unravel why Johnson is one of those unique famous men who believes in real equality (which is also why he's probably running for president).

Written and Hosted and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe for more conversations around modern masculinity and the inner lives of men.

Sonya Shah is someone Brad has admired from her appearances on other podcasts for her deep expertise around restorative justice, and all forms of healing justice that represent an alternative to the punitive, and many times racially insensitive systems of justice that currently preside in this country. Sonya is the Co-Executive Director of Ahimsa Collective is an organization that works to address harm in ways that foster wholeness for everyone. Their goals are to replace systems of punishment with paradigms grounded in healing, relationship, and love.

It’s a great talk where Sonya takes Brad to school around the work of restorative justice - how it’s not a silver bullet solution to all instances of harm, and how much race and sheltered moralities really come into play for the people who disagree that we need an alternative to the current justice system’s structure of repairing harm.

Real Feels is produced, edited and hosted by  Brad Gage. The theme song was written by Russell Henson and our logo was designed by Nolan Fabricus. Thanks for listening and if you or someone you love is interested in seeking a restorative approach to harm, please reach out to the Ahimsa Collective at contact@ahimsacollective.net

And if you want more conversations around masculinity and empathy, and loving the inner world of men, subscribe to this podcast or to Real Feels on YouTube.

Is age just a number? Using celebrities, TV, and pop culture, Brad Gage digs into the psychology of age-gap relationships, why older men and younger women are attracted to each other, how it can sometimes result in an unequal power dynamic, and what can be done to help these relationships thrive.

Includes analysis of age-gap May-December romances, Evolution Theory, Gender Roles, "Daddy Issues", plus Dane Cook and Jerry Seinfeld dating teenagers. It'll all make sense when you listen.

Written and Hosted by Brad Gage

Produced by Brad Gage and Allison Mandell

Editing by Brad Gage

What should come after the #MeToo era? Restorative Justice is a process that hands the power to the victim after harm is done, while still working in collaboration with the person who did the harm. This way all those involved can release some of the shame, anger, or secrecy surrounding the incident. Because sometimes victims need something more than what law and order can provide.

Written, Edited, and Performed by Brad Gage

Music by Russell Henson Check out Russell's music here: https://www.russellhenson.com/

Find resources on Restorative Justice through the Ahimsa Collective https://www.ahimsacollective.net

Cam Fraser is Australia's leading men's sex coach who you can find through his engaging, thoughtful, and frequently funny Instagram videos. He speaks to men about everything from masturbation, to porn, to myths about male sex organs. Luckily, we have become friends, and today’s episode is where I get to ask him all my juicy questions about taboos, if porn is energetically cheating on your partner, and how men can help themselves take the shame out of porn, and sex and masturbation. Cam is really all about liberation from the ideas that keep men in the dark about their sexuality, and I am HERE FOR IT.

Pickup Artists might seem old, corny, and pretty ridiculous to most people, but since their mid-2000’s rise in popularity, the philosophy of THE GAME has influenced a generation of young men to manipulate their way to sex. With pickup gurus like Ross Jeffries, Neil Strauss, and Mystery teaching men for decades how to cut the female experience out of dating, they've made a lasting influence on the minds of modern single guys. Brad breaks down the “rules”, the mindset, and the emotional disconnection in hopes to find a better way to find love.

Writing / Hosting / Graphics / Editing by Brad Gage

Produced by Brad Gage and Allison Mandell

Special thanks to: Dana Swanson Caron Clancey Matt Fried Jesse McKiel Ben Gonzales Ryan Thomas Andrew Delman Max Johanson

Amanda Crew (HBO's Silicon Valley) and Brad have been friends a long time, but recently bonded over each of them finding movements they are truly passionate about. For Brad, it's reframing toxic masculinity, and for her, it's re-educating people around eating disorders. She's been vocal about it in her work with Project Heal, but in this conversation, we get to the genesis of her journey through anorexia.

Amanda also gets frank about her own experiences with sexual trauma, providing advice about how romantic partners of victims can maneuver sex in a way that honors body autonomy and past events.

Thanks for listening and if you want to find out more about Project Heal, which is an organization working to break down systemic, healthcare, and financial barriers to eating disorder treatment - go to theProjectHeal.org. Also - if you or someone you love is a victim of sexual violence seeking resources or support, you can find that and more at RAINN.org where they are in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country.

Hosted, Produced, and Edited by Brad Gage

Subscribe to Real Feels on YouTube for more videos about how we form a new, more empathetic masculinity.

Today’s episode is mostly a story - one both personal to me and educational. It’s with Kaitlyn Hollysmith, a lawyer, a mother, a wife, and a friend...who back in my college fraternity days - was my little brother. Kaitlyn is trans. Here on the show, we reconnect after 10 years of that normal drift apart that happens after you leave college, but she saw what I was doing with Real Feels, and reached out. 

Her story about finding who she really was, how she got close to committing suicide, and triumphing into a married life with a young son - I can’t think of a more heroic journey. So, here is Kaitlyn Hollysmith spending some time to tell her story with me, right now.

Thanks for listening and if you or someone you love is looking for a place with resources and crisis help for LGBTQ+ youth, check out thetrevorproject.org

Hosted, Produced, and Edited by Brad Gage