soulcandy's podcast

Enjoy a mindful, heart-focused breathing practice to quiet depleting emotions, restore resiliency, calm your mind, body and spirit with Jenee Johnson, mindfulness expert and thought leader on reclaiming the joy of people of African ancestry.

This PRACTICE-ONLY episode goes with the full conversation in Episode 9 GET RIGHT WITHIN about mindfulness, racial awareness and reclaiming joy with Jenee Johnson talking honestly about transforming the Black experience in America and finding the quiet inside that restores resiliency, inspires and energizes.

Thrive from inside with the power of mindfulness, racial awareness and reclaiming your joy with Jenee Johnson, thought leader, mindfulness expert, talking honestly about transforming the Black experience in America and finding the quiet inside that restores resiliency and inspires calm confidence. 

In this open and honest conversation, Jenee shares insights from her new The Right Within Experience, an experiential mindfulness program committed to the reclamation of humanity, joy and wellbeing for people of African ancestry.

In this episode, Jenee and Anne talk about the power of practicing sankofa, an African word which translates as “retreive” meaning to go back and get or reclaim the complete, exalted right to express your full humanity and thrive and how mindfulness, prayer and spacious contemplation can help along the path.

This includes the ability to pause, taking a moment to reflect and consider how to respond to what is happening around you and to you; know what burdens are yours to carry, and what are those of others to acknowledge and accept.

Jenee and Anne also discuss Jenee’s spiritual practices and beliefs, including getting quiet regularly, opening yourself and finding God’s hand in your life and how to search for “sparkly crumbs” in your path.

PRACTICE: RECLAIM YOUR JOY

This episode closes with Jenee leading a heart-focused breathing practice that quiets depleting emotions, calms mind and body and helps bring about a sense of deep coherence.

Join this peaceful meditative Prayer for Spiritual Connection and feel a deep resonance with the Divine for the good, just and loving, led by psychotherapist and pastor Dr Harv Powers. 

This episode includes only the mediative prayer and can be enjoyed as part of a daily contemplative practice. 

For the full Soul Candy conversation with Dr Harv Powers, tune into EP 8: FINDING YOUR DEEPER PURPOSE on how to go beyond simple life hacks to core transformational change, allowing you to live from a much deeper place, rich with meaning, spiritual insight and attuned to the Divine.

Also, discover how the harmonic frequency of God -- where you can hear and feel the presence of the Divine -- is always available to you on Episode 8: Finding Your Deeper Purpose. 

Discover real transformational change that takes you to a much deeper place, rich with meaning, spiritual insight and attuned to the Divine.

Psychotherapist and pastor, Dr Harv Powers talks about why growth happens when you hit the bottom, core transformational change and how your worst crisis can reveal your greatest strengths & deeper purpose and how the harmonic frequency of God -- where you can hear and feel the presence of the Divine -- is always available. 

INCLUDES: Prayer for Spiritual Connection as a guided prayer and deeply peaceful meditation, led by Dr Harv Powers.

Enjoy this guided SOUL practice for Listening Deeply. This is a practice-only episode. For all of the benefits of Listening Deeply and the SOUL PRACTIE, tune into EPISODE 7: The SOUL PRACTICE: Listen Deeply, Heal What Hurts.

Let go of old beliefs, pain, shame and step into love with this guided practice developed by Anne Alexander.

SOUL practice

S = sit, settle and sift through your thoughts

O = open-hearted awareness of your feelings, emotions and sensations in your body

U = understand your old beliefs, old patterns, and programming with curiosity and compassion 

L = let go of the old, love yourself and feel divine Love surrounding you, encouraging you to become your highest self 

For the full experience, tune into EPISODE 7: LISTEN DEEPLY, HEAL WHAT HURTS. 

Free your mind from the chaotic junk keeping you stuck in busyness, people-pleasing and playing small.

Explore how to tune into your body, where memories can influence your behavior in ways you don’t realize.

Understand your old beliefs, patterns and habits with curiosity and compassion

and let them go….

Step into love. Love for yourself, your worthiness, your true self. Listen to your inner wisdom. 

Feel the flow of Divine Love awakening your spirit and aligning you with your highest self.

Hear what is calling to you now - those wisps and dreams and visions - and allow your highest good to emerge, your new present and future to unfold.

Discover your authentic self, let go of old beliefs and habits that hurt you, unleash the greatest power, purpose, peace and love you have inside. 

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. – Rumi

With Listening Deeply and the SOUL practice, dissolve those barriers to love and move towards the highest version of yourself here, now, today. 

Practice Listening Deeply daily and allow SOUL steps to take you on your own life-changing journey.

xxoo

Anne

Join Soul Candy Anne on this amazing journey into your mind, body & spirit as she shares the science and steps of her SOUL Practice to Listen Deeply and Heal What Hurts.

Free your mind from the chaotic junk keeping you stuck in busyness, people-pleasing and playing small. Let go of shame, pain and old beliefs. 

Explore how to tune into your body, where memories can influence your behavior in ways you don’t realize.

Understand your old beliefs, patterns and habits with curiosity and compassion

and let them go….

Step into love. Love for yourself, your worthiness, your true self. Listen to your inner wisdom. 

Feel the flow of Divine Love awakening your spirit and aligning you with your highest self.

Hear what is calling to you now - those wisps and dreams and visions - and allow your highest good to emerge, your new present and future to unfold.

Yes, yes and yes!

Discover your authentic self, let go of old beliefs and habits that hurt you, unleash the greatest power, purpose, peace and love you have inside. 

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. – Rumi

With Listening Deeply and the SOUL practice, dissolve those barriers to love and move towards the highest version of yourself here, now, today. 

The SOUL Practice

At the end of this episode, Anne leads a 15 minute guided SOUL Practice.

S = sitting, settling and sifting through your thoughts

O = open-hearted awareness for your feelings, emotions and sensations in your body

U = understanding, leaning in with curiosity and compassion

L = letting go, love for you and divine Love

Practice Listening Deeply daily and allow SOUL steps to take you on your own life-changing journey.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

Listening Deeply as a practice

We all have hurts. And amazingness inside.

By learning how to listen deeply to your true self, you can stop people pleasing, playing small and shrinking. You can blossom. 

You are all three: mind, body and spirit.

You have a spirit that energizes and animates you.

Listening Deeply allows you to live at a much wider and deeper perspective so your life and your choices become much richer and more meaningful.

One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is “Happiness is when what you think, say, and do are in harmony”

Feel the kind of love that feels warm, good, nourishing—that many of us growing up never experienced. 

Listening Deeply has allowed me to cure my “love deficit”

Self-love is not arrogance, it's not pride. It's your birthright.

Shift your perspective. Instead of being in the midst of the chaos, become the observer.

Not only can you see a single thought, you can see your whole thought system.

Through this practice of Listening Deeply, you will become free to be who you really are.

The science of Listening Deeply

Most of us are so wired all the time. We don't even know what real rest is.

Slowing your breathing, enables your stress hormones to calm down. Your body enters a state called rest and relax, calm coherence, which is profoundly healing.

When you enter into a very deep kind of meditation, there's a chemical that can be released in your brain that creates this feeling of oneness, like a cosmic runner's high. 

Your body holds memories. Not just your brain.

The stress response in your body can influence what you are thinking and how you're acting without you being aware.

Studies show that 90 to 95% of the time we are operating on autopilot.

Because of neuroplasticity, you can learn new habits. You can develop new grooves in your brain.

When you feel love, it changes the chemistry in your body, changes your outlook. 

Let go of old beliefs

When your purpose, your power, your actions, all line up, you move you forward to get you out of living in the past and into living a future that you really want to live. 

As you offload the old, you feel lighter, peppier, energized because you are directing your life—not your old beliefs, old experiences, old thought patterns, old crabby voices from your past. 

You are not a victim of the past.

You are an active, aware participant in your own present and your own future.

Energy follows insight.

When you clear out the old and you get really focused on the new, good things start to happen,

You have power and choice.

Heal what hurts

Understand and investigate your thoughts and feelings. Lean in with curiosity and compassion. 

How you see yourself today is shaped by what people told you in your past even years ago.

You are an adult and you can look back and you can say ouch, that hurt, no wonder I feel sad. That was a sucky thing that happened.

You can have compassion for yourself.

You are worthy of getting the help that you need and deserve. 

What feelings need to be felt by you today?

You need to feel to heal. 

What thoughts need to be listened to you today?

Be patient with yourself

Listening deeply is a practice. This isn't like a 15 minute once and done Eureka moment. 

We are survivalists. We hold onto old behavior patterns because at a certain time in your life, they helped you and kept you safe.

Thank your thoughts and feelings for having the courage to come up and show you what you need to see.

Your worthiness, your graciousness, your smartness, your uniqueness is who you are. This is at the very center of your being.

You are what existed before those old crappy layers and voices started to take up residence.

Allow yourself to bathe in and receive that cosmic love.

Allow yourself to feel that you are part of this expansive cosmic universal flow that is pulling you towards your highest good.

Tune in to what is calling to you now.

By practicing listening deeply, the pathways in your brain will form and it will all get easier. You will come to know yourself.

Following the SoulCandy conversation in Episode 6 on Calm Your Mind, world-class mental fitness expert Cara Bradley leads this GUIDED MEDITATION PRACTICE to wake up your senses, calm your mind, and bring you into a state of readiness for "high-definition" living. 

Join Cara Bradley & host Anne Alexander for the whole conversation (check out Episode 6) and discover how to use your breath, body and biology to calm your mind, release self-doubt and find your optimal mental flow state of "calm clarity" and vivid alertness for peak performance and "high-definition" living.

Cara Bradley and two-time New York Times bestselling author Anne Alexander share the fastest ways to get out of high-anxiety, exit the "cage" of self-doubt and enter into an extended flow state, where you perform at your mental and physical peak. 

• using your breath to calm your body, calm your mind

• why small acts of self-compassion are so important

• letting go of your need to control

• remembering who you are as a way to dissolve your old patterns and conditioning

• developing your sense of presence

• three “flow triggers” you can use to achieve your peak mental performance

• how your gut influences your mind

Enjoy this GUIDED MEDITATION PRACTICE: Self-Awareness Daily Boost. 

Shift from high-anxiety and self-doubt to calm clarity and vivid alertness. Discover how to use your breath, body and biology to enjoy flow, that optimal brain state of calm, clear focus where you feel your best and do your best. 

In this episode, world-class, mental fitness expert Cara Bradley and two-time New York Times bestselling author Anne Alexander share the fastest ways to get out of high-anxiety, exit the "cage" of self-doubt and enter an extended flow state to perform at your mental and physical peak. 

Join Cara & Anne talking about

• using your breath to calm your body, calm your mind

• why small acts of self-compassion are so important

• letting go of your need to control

• remembering who you are as a way to dissolve your old patterns and conditioning

• developing your sense of presence

• three “flow triggers” you can use to achieve your peak mental performance

• how your gut influences your mind

• PRACTICE - at the end of the episode, Cara leads a guided meditation to increase your awareness and wake up your senses. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

Calm Mind

Rhythm is one of the fastest ways to move from a high anxiety state into a more grounded place where you feel like, okay, I can deal with this.

Five to six seconds on the inhale and five to six to on the exhale is what allows our body to get into an autonomic coherence which is the same sense of calm clarity that we call mindfulness.

When we don't exhale fully, our body stays stressed.

Our breath is like a direct knob into tuning the nervous system.

Finding Presence

When we multitask we really don't experience the vividness of what we're doing.

We keep missing the moment that we're in.

Meditation is becoming familiar with ourselves in different states, becoming familiar with different patterns and conditions. 

We can tap back into who we are. We may use prayer, a meditation practice, a walk under the night sky or the morning sunrise.     

Take five minutes every day without anything. No earbuds, no phone, just you and the earth, the sky and the woods.

Getting Out of the Cage

We believe we're in a cage, due to accumulated patterns and life experiences.

Negative self-talk holds us back.

When you feel free of doubt you are capable of anything. 

Letting go of the need to figure out your life will liberate us.

It takes self kindness for the cage to dissolve.

I don't want to miss my life because I'm so busy doing too many things at one time.

Turn your devices off.

Clear Focus

We can take the time to train ourselves to recognize the importance of our own existence.

For 25 minutes I make myself sit and nothing else gets seen or done except writing.

Have a very simple goal. The goal should be a subset of a bigger goal.

Make sure that the task is not too challenging or too easy.

Biology of the Biome

If our gut is imbalanced, then there's going to be a sub optimal production…not feeling as motivated…and brain fog..

The serotonin, the dopamine, and norepinephrine, all of these neurotransmitters make us feel good and perform well.

We can actually train our gut to be more balanced.

EPISODE BREAKDOWN

[00:01:00] Moving rhythmically helps our nervous system come into autonomic coherence which is the sense of calm clarity that we call mindfulness. 

[00:03:43] A five to six second inhale and a five to six second exhale allows our body to become mindful.

[00:04:10] When we don't exhale fully our body stays in a stressed state.

[00:07:00] Repeating a mantra settles your system and focuses your mind.

[00:09:50] We often feel locked in a cage. We accumulate these patterns and the patterns become the cage. Each little wire is patterns, conditioning and life experiences.

[00:15:10] Take five, ten, fifteen minutes every day without anything. No earbuds, no phone, just you and the earth.

[00:18:20] We're always so quick to fill our time.

[00:19:41] Meditation is becoming familiar with ourselves in different states, becoming familiar with different patterns and conditions.

[00:21:20] Letting go of the need to figure out your life will liberate you. 

[00:23:10] We keep missing the moment we're in.

[00:27:30] Explore how to live a fully alive existence and also manage a busy life and the stresses that come with that.

[00:33:20] The challenge skills equation means that when we do something that is way above our pay grade, we get frustrated. We don't do it. We procrastinate. When something's too easy, too tedious and task oriented we get bored.

[00:35:42] The gut brain connection: the stomach has more serotonin in it than the brain. We can actually train our stomach to be more balanced.

[00:39:12] PRACTICE: High Definition Guided Meditation Practice with Cara Bradley— shine your awareness and wake up your senses.

This practice includes 10 Commitments to replace fear thoughts with powerful commitments to rewire your brain and is based on women, wealth and power expert Barbara’s Huson’s latest book, Rewire for Wealth. This is the practice session that goes with Episode 005: Let Go of Fear. 

Ideally, listen to this practice-only episode after Barbara and Soul Candy Anne talk about how to rewire fear out of your brain and how to use the commitments. 

Barbara is a leading authority on women, power and wealth. Her latest book focuses on the neuroplasticity of the brain and how you can retrain your thoughts, change your brain (literally) and become your own confident badass in stopping fear thoughts and acquiring wealth. Barbara’s rewiring techniques work in all aspects of your life. As she talks about in the episode, financial wealth is simply a reflection of doing what you are meant to be doing.

Becoming Fearless: The 10 Commitments

1.     I am committed to owning my power, becoming all that I can be

2.     I am committed to increasing my net worth. No matter loud that little voice in my head disagrees, I recognize my value.

3.     I am committed, right now, in this moment, even if I have no idea how I am going to do it. The Universe will guide me to my goal

4.     I am committed to stop telling my old story, with all of the shoulds, oughts and musts. Instead, I talk about my dreams. I talk about my aspirations.

5.     I am committed to seeing my excuses for what they are, smokescreens that hide the truth. I see the truth as it is.

6.     I am committed to facing my fears by taking baby steps because when I commit, fear may rear its ugly head and I will keep going, baby step after baby step after baby step.

7.     I am committed to challenging myself to think about new things in new ways, retraining my mind to alter my brain and create new habits.

8.     I am committed to keeping my promises knowing that as I keep my word, I build my self-esteem and I build my self confidence in my own effectiveness.

9.     I am committed to getting back up every time I fall down. This is not about being perfect, this is about me being persistent

10.  I am committed to asking for and receiving support. When I am in fear, I will ask close friends to support and encourage me. Success is a social activity and I will do everything in my power to be all that I can be.

SOURCE: This is based on the Oath of Commitment in the book Rewire for Wealth by Barbara Huson.

Learn how to rewire your brain with spiritual teacher and wealth expert Barbara Huson, so you can stop feeling scared and fearful and start doing the things you really want to do, including acquiring financial wealth and becoming the fullest version of yourself. Listen as Barbara explains how to use the power of your mind and your words in this life-changing conversation and how to view success as both personal development and your spiritual birthright. Learn how to go towards - yes, towards - the things that make you most scared, because THAT is where your treasure, growth and highest good are to be found.

This is a powerful episode for anyone who struggles with fear, procrastination, anxiety, behaviors that hold you back from doing and achieving the things you want in life and who wants both practical and spiritual insights for living your best life. 

MORE DETAILS -

Barbara Huson has learned how to deal with fear.

Her approach?

Just do the opposite of what everyone else does. While we hide, procrastinate, cringe and think a slew of negative thoughts about what we’re afraid of……

Barbara has learned to go toward - yes, toward - what makes her the most terrified.

That life-lesson did not come easily. Barbara started out rich and lost it all, thanks to a gambling husband.

In her fifties (yes!!!), Barbara got smart about money and fear. She interviewed hundreds of well-earning women to find out what they did differently than chronic “under-earners” like herself. A big part of what they did differently was how they responded to fear. Learning from those women, plus diving into the spiritual principles of love, fear, mind-training and neuroplasticity, Barbara is now sharing the secrets of acquiring wealth and becoming the fullest expression of the person you are meant to be.

Join Barbara Huson and Anne Alexander as they talk honestly about fear and how you can use your and beliefs to rewire your brain for success, wealth and becoming the person you most truly, deeply want to be.

At the end of this episode, join a guided practice — Becoming Fearless: the 10 Commitments — based on Barbara’s Oaths of Commitment from her latest book, Rewire for Wealth.

PRACTICE: BECOMING FEARLESS

This practice is based on Barbara’s Huson’s Oath of Commitment in her latest book, Rewire for Wealth, and includes 10 Commitments to replace fear thoughts with powerful commitments to rewire your brain.

Take a moment, center yourself, sit up straight, breath deeply inhale and exhale and repeat the phrases out loud or in you min. Let them sink in and powerfully rewire your brain for wealth.

1.     I am committed to owning my power, becoming all that I can be

2.     I am committed to increasing my net worth. No matter loud that little voice in my head disagrees, I recognize my value.

3.     I am committed, right now, in this moment, even if I have no idea how I am going to do it. The Universe will guide me to my goal

4.     I am committed to stop telling my old story, with all of the shoulds, oughts and musts. Instead, I talk about my dreams. I talk about my aspirations.

5.     I am committed to seeing my excuses for what they are, smokescreens that hide the truth. I see the truth as it is.

6.     I am committed to facing my fears by taking baby steps because when I commit, fear may rear its ugly head and I will keep going, baby step after baby step after baby step.

7.     I am committed to challenging myself to think about new things in new ways, retraining my mind to alter my brain and create new habits.

8.     I am committed to keeping my promises knowing that as I keep my word, I build my self-esteem and I build my self confidence in my own effectiveness.

9.     I am committed to getting back up every time I fall down. This is not about being perfect, this is about me being persistent

10.  I am committed to asking for and receiving support. When I am in fear, I will ask close friends to support and encourage me. Success is a social activity and I will do everything in my power to be all that I can be.

Inhale, exhale. Know that you are anchoring these commitments into your brain and that when you commit, all the way to your toes, the Universe steps in to support you.

Do this practice daily to reinforce your commitments, build new grooves in your brain and create new habits

Quotes from Barbara

Money

If you don't deal with your money, your money will deal with you.

There's a game called to win and there's a game called not to lose. Under-earners tend to be safe and don’t want to lose.To win is a game that higher-earners play, you go as far as you can with all that you have and when you fall down, you get back up and keep going.

Doing what you love is not enough, you have to value yourself and what you have to offer. Put those two together and you've got a winning combination.

Purpose, women & success

People have a hard time doing their purpose, but it's really not that hard. A purpose is whatever makes you happy.

Success is a social activity. You cannot do it alone and you should not do it alone

Women are so relationship oriented that we need support, it's important to reach out professionally and personally.

Embrace fear

The key to going to the next level is to be willing to be uncomfortable and scared- to go from what feels comfortable to what seems impossible.

Fear is a sign that that's where you need to go.

Joseph Campbell said, “The cave you fear to enter is where your treasure lies.”

What helped you survive as a child will suffocate you as an adult.

You cannot feel fear and love at the same time.

When you get stuck in fear and can't get out, turn to gratitude

Recognize, reframe & respond differently

Every time you have a negative thought, recognize it and observe it with curiosity. Doing so distances you from the thought, because the thought is not true

We keep telling our old story over, and over, and over again. You've got to stop that because our words are so freaking powerful. Every time you say something, you create this neural pathway, and every time you think about it you just keep digging that neuropathway deeper.

Our thoughts flow through our mind and shape our brain. Our brain is the servant, the mind is the master.

Negative thoughts won’t leave unless you replace them. That's why reframing is so important.

Words have power

You cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought.

You must be vigilant, very careful about the words you use and the thoughts you think.

Invite God

God put us here for a reason.

Your job is to get out of the way, so that you can do God's work.

Fear is a sign that you have disconnected from God and are in your ego.

Final thoughts & prayers

Do what you fear. That’s how you grow.

Above all, how can I see this differently?

I’m never upset for the reason I think.

I see only my past…..how is this person (who I am upset with) representing my past?

EPISODE breakdown

3:00 Downfalls of being intimidated and terrified of financial responsibility.

4:30 When you really make a commitment, the universe will help you. 

6:30 Transforming from being in debt, to making six digit income. 

7:25 Successful people, every single one, without exception, struggle with fear, struggle with self-doubt, 95% feel like a fraud and are terrified others are going to find out. 

8:00 To make changes happen, you must be willing to be uncomfortable, to be scared, to go from what feels comfortable to what seems impossible. 

9:30 Fear is a sign that that's where you need to go.

11:00 Serendipitous experiences could be the universe giving nudges, you should listen. Stop hedging your bets. You are capable of extraordinary things. 

12:00 Our brain has developed over time with one purpose in mind, not to think, but to keep us safe. Learn about flight, fight or freeze and how to re-wire your brain. 

15:00- 26:00 EXPLANATION: How to recognize, reframe and respond differently. How to rewire your brain when you think negative thoughts. How to reframe the situation to see things differently, and how to respond differently. We keep telling our old story over and over but we need to stop that because our words are so powerful.

27:00 Success is a social activity. It's important to reach out professionally and personally.

28:30 Miracles unfold when you align to your higher purpose, what does God have to do with it?

32:00 Bringing God into bringing the divine, bringing source, whatever you want to call it right into the conversation about money makes it about so much more.

34:00 Recognize that you can be divinely inspired, if you get your “conditioned mind” out of the way so you can do God's work. 

35:00 Your ego helped you as a child but what helped you survive as a child will suffocate you as an adult.

36:00 People have a hard time doing their purpose, but it's really not that hard. A purpose is whatever makes you happy.

40:00 Doing what you love is not enough. You have to value yourself and what you have to offer. When you put those two together and you've got a winning combination.

41:00 With re-wiring, you discover who you really are before you were conditioned, you find your authentic self.

43:00 Let go of the old, replace it with something healthier.

44:00 Negative thoughts won’t leave until you replace them with something healthier and more positive. 

45:00 Do what you fear, because that’s how you grow, succeed and develop as a person. 

47:00 How can I see this differently? I'm never upset for the reason I think and the reason we're upset, it's not the incident. It's our interpretation of the incident.

49:00 PRACTICE: Becoming Fearless, the 10 commitments for wealth practice. 

Inspired by SOULCANDY Ep 004 conversation with Petra Beumer, Founder of the Mindful Eating Institute about discovering what your heart is really hungry for, this short, guided meditation offers a delicious daily self-compassion boost.

Take a moment to hear the chimes, close your eyes and breathe, acknowledging whatever pain may be occurring and wishing yourself compassionate happiness and peace. 

Enjoy!!

Find out how what your heart is really hungry for. Chances are if you're stress eating, it's not about the food.

Petra Beumer, Founder of the Mindful Eating Institute, is a gentle warrior in the weight loss world where rules and discipline dominate.

She’s an expert in helping people discover what is really going on, especially those who struggle with weight and body issues and never want to diet again.

Bottomline: You can stop emotional eating with self-compassion and enjoy a much happier life. 

“We don’t need more discipline, we need more compassion.”

Yes, yes and yes.

Join Petra & Anne as they talk why self-compassion, self-care (beyond the usual bubble baths), making peace with food, developing emotional protection, and re-mothering (recovering from a narcissistic parent) are the delightful delicious secrets you may have been missing for lasting weight loss and self-love. 

INCLUDES PRACTICE: A guided meditation for self-compassion  so short and nourishing you can enjoy every day. 

Quotes from the podcast

Petra's words to live by

The soul starts suffering when we hold ourselves back.

Give yourself permission to be you. 

A gentle warrior speaks her or his truth. They don’t put other people's needs first.

Say no when you mean no, say yes when you mean yes, and maybe when you mean maybe.

Self-Compassion

We do not need more discipline. We need more nurturing.

Self-care is not just chocolate cake and bubble baths. It's creating a life you don't need to regularly escape from.

Self-care is really being in tune with your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. 

We need to figure out how we refuel.

Know your triggers

Do a little internal emotional check-in: what's sitting well? what needs to be addressed? what am I struggling with? 

A good inner barometer when you’ve sabotaged your own well-being is when you've said yes to something and you start feeling resentful.

If you're a million miles from your truth, your life really doesn't fit anymore, and circumstances have become toxic, I would highly recommend working with a therapist.

Life lessons

When the suffering is so great, eventually letting go of the ledge will be a gift to yourself. 

Sometimes we think these obstacles or these painful life experiences are so awful, but they're gate openers. 

Lessons in life come as a whisper, a yell or two by four. I always say, Listen to the whispers. Don't wait for the two by four.

It's so important to identify what is no longer serving you.

Re-mothering & relationships

This whole concept of re mothering and nurturing yourself, having your own back is so critical. Become the person you needed most. 

So great, let’s repeat that: Become the person you needed most. 

We need to fill ourselves up with ourselves first and then meet another grown-up who has done his or her healing. 

Eating & weight loss

(Anne) I always think of weight loss as a metaphor, that you're emerging, the sense of who you really want to be is coming out. You're not stuffing down your feelings with food. 

People eat for different reasons, often stress boredom, loneliness, you name it. And unlike addictions, we do need to eat. We don't need to smoke or do drugs or drink alcohol, but we do need to eat it. 

Neuroplasticity

We can rewire ourselves, even people with traumatic experiences, we can learn to make ourselves feel safe. We don't need to eat or drink alcohol or numb. We have all that available in our own brains and our own hearts.

About Petra Beumer

Petra is the Founder of the Mindful Eating Institute in Santa Barbara, California. She is a highly trained psychologist with over two decades of counseling experience and passionate about helping people identify their emotional triggers and make peace with food and their body. She is also a deeply inspiring, kind gentle soul and a wonderful guide to self-compassion.

She offers a FREE 30 minute introductory counseling session. No pressure, no gimmicks. Just a kind soul ready to help you. Learn more here.

Petra is also the author of the Mindful Eating & Self-Care Workbook.

Podcast breakdown

[00:03:00] Self sabotage- when you start feeling resentful, then you've maybe sabotaged your own wellbeing a little bit...but never beat yourself up for it.

[00:05:00] If your life doesn't fit anymore and circumstances have become toxic, having a mentor or therapist can help. 

[00:07:00] When the universe gives messages, listen. Warning signs include being less interested in things, anger, migraines, mild symptoms of depression.

[00:09:00] For all my emotional eaters, I often ask: what is your heart hungry for?

[00:11:00] Using journaling to tune into yourself.  Identifying what no longer serves you. What do you want to let go of? Really write that down on a piece of paper. 

[00:14:00] The concept of re-mothering and nurturing yourself. Having your own back is so critical. I often invite people in a meditation to imagine a loving wise, elder standing behind you, lovingly and gently touching your shoulder.

[00:16:00] Relationships fail because we need to fill ourselves up with ourselves first and then meet another grownup who has done his or her healing.

[00:17:00] Diets fail if we don't address the depth of our true needs underneath the surface.

[00:18:00] Talking about a woman who tried every diet on the market and still couldn't keep her weight off. How mindful self compassion helped. 

[00:21:00]  The importance of rituals including gentle pausing and mindfulness. 

[00:25:00] We can rewire ourselves, even people with traumatic experiences. We can learn to make ourselves feel safe. 

[00:27:00] Talking about a night nurse - how she healed. 

[00:30:00] It's okay to say, no. The importance of boundaries and self care. 

[00:34:00] How you can learn to label your thinking like, Ooh, is this a negative thought? Is this serving me? No. And learn to replace it with the more beneficial thought. 

[00:36:30] Petra leads a guided meditation on Self-Compassion, based on the work of self-compassion expert Kristen Neff

Inspired by SOULCANDY Ep 003 conversation with Ella Hicks, Founder of Rebel Thriver, on finding freedom and dealing with PTSD after domestic violence, this relaxing, restorative guided meditation increases feelings of peace, calm, safety and love. Follow Anne Alexander's soothing voice along with healing sound therapy music, set at theta brain wave frequency, for deeper relaxation and meditation.  

Ella Hicks, Founder of Rebel Thriver, shares her harrowing story out of domestic violence to fighting for the freedom of all survivors.

Ella Hicks and host Anne Alexander talk about the cycle of violence, why abused women stay, and how anyone - you, your sister, or best friend - could be suffering right now and what they need to do to get out, safely. 

Ella Hicks shares

• what you can do if you or a loved one is being abused

• how to leave safely

• how break free of the emotional prison and shame

• how to find freedom and hope.

This podcast also includes a PRACTICE, a guided meditation to Breathe in Peace for increasing peace, calm, safety and love, led by Anne.

Quotes from the podcast

How it happens

Abusive people systematically break you down so that you're a shell of your former self.

Red flags

I didn't see the red flags at the time and now, when I look back, I see them everywhere.

Your abuser will try to isolate you from your family members and friends. They want total control.

Why she stayed for so long

I felt like if I were to walk away, I would have been a failure. And so I didn't.

I thought that if I loved him more, he would be better. 

I went into the relationship blind.

The Cycle of Violence

There's tension building, there's an explosion, and then everything comes down again. You get caught up in this cycle because you don't want the explosion to come, but you know it's coming. Then when it’s over and you survived it, you just want to keep the peace.

Escaping

I left my ex-husband one cold winter night, and literally walked out with the clothes on my back.

I was a mess mentally, so I reached out and said, “I need help.”

Audacious hope, that is what got me through. That is why I am sitting here today, talking to you and why my kids and I are alive. 

If you are in an abusive relationship

You may have to blow up your entire life, but in the process you'll be gaining a life.

Once you leave: You will get a second wind and then you will be fighting for your freedom 

What most women feel when they leave, even if they have nothing, is an incredible sense of gratitude.

How you can help

Understand what trauma bonding is, be on the lookout. Be aware and be brave enough to say something.

Help by being there, leaving the door open. 

Be very firm about what you see, what you believe to be the truth, that it's not okay, that your loved one deserves better and that you are always going to be there for them.

The emotional abuse, the gaslighting, the control, those are the things that take you forever to recover from.

Break the stigma around abuse because then more people will come out and find their voices.

Repeat the phrase- breathe in peace, breathe out chaos, like a tape loop running in your head as often as possible.

And finally

Love isn't abuse, it's respect.

PODCAST breakdown

[00:02:00] why women struggle to leave unhealthy relationships.

[00:04:00] “I thought that if I loved him more, he would be better.” We don’t notice red flags and  work harder to make things work.

[00:07:00] The night that changed everything. 

[00:10:00] The cycle of violence - what it is, how the tension builds 

[00:12:00] “Don’t you dare give up, even when exhausted, you are worth it.” Advice for people trying to leave an abusive relationship

[00:15:00] Trauma bonding and post traumatic stress

[00:16:00] How to support friends, family- anyone, if they are in abusive relationships:  Leave the door open but be very firm about what you see, what you believe to be the truth, that it's not okay, that your loved one deserves better and that you are always going to be there for them. 

[00:17:00] Abuse isn’t always violence, it’s gaslighting, it’s controlling; it’s not having access to money. 

[00:18:00] What’s next- breaking the stigma, teaching kids about safe dating practices.

 [00:22:00] 5-minute guided meditation: Breathe in Peace

ABOUT ELLA HICKS

Ella is the Founder of Rebel Thriver, a life coach, writer, artist and mother, who survived a 12-year abusive marriage to become the thriver-in-chief of Rebel Thriver, inspiring and empowering survivors of domestic violence, dedicated to cultivating hope and helping survivors reclaim their lives after trauma - to thrive.

Connect with Ella and Rebel Thrivers on Facebook

Check out Rebel Thriver here

Inspired by SOULCANDY Ep 002 conversation with Michael Blanchard about finding self-love after alcohol addiction, this soothing, relaxing guided meditation invites you to to see yourself as you are and - yes - even learn to love yourself because learning to love yourself is the starting point of your most important journey into becoming who you're meant to be. Loving yourself is not arrogance, it's caring, nurturing and nourishing yourself so you can thrive.

Hitting rockbottom was a necessary disaster for photographer and writer Michael Blanchard, forcing him into rehab and facing the thing he'd always dreaded: learning to accept and love himself.

Join Michael & Anne as they talk openly about isolation & running away, alcohol, addiction as well as finding empathy, compassion, beauty on the beaches of Martha’s Vineyard where he is now an inspirational photographer and writer. .

Michael also has some inspiring insights about tuning into the spiritual energy of the universe that drops clues in our path, taking us to places that are better than we ever could have planned for or predicted. (Umm, yes, yes and yes)

At the end, this podcast also includes a PRACTICE: a guided meditation for Learning to Love Yourself.

Quotes from the podcast

Why addiction

Happiness was always going to come in something else, someone else or somewhere else

Every time I got to that goal, it wasn't enough.

I was always chasing something. A therapist once said, what are you running from? Or what are you running toward?

Whatever it took to quell the unrest in me, I just had to make it quiet  

The crash

In that moment, you are panicky, because you know you're going to go down.

It took me to the crash and burn before I could get out of that pattern. 

I had to have everything taken away from me because I couldn't answer the question: live with it and live without it.

Recovery

The person who's in the throes of addiction are desperate to make it stop. They will not tell a soul that they are desperate to make it stop.

After I got out of rehab, I felt I was worth something and that I could help someone else.

For once in my life, I felt. Like, Oh my God, I, Michael Blanchard is worth something. I can actually settle and sit in my skin because I just did something that I've never done before. I've thought of someone else before I thought of me. 

I find most people just give up instantly. And if you can get them to take one step, a whole new world emerges. 

Seeing life through a sober lens

The whole point is that stupid camera got you outside and suddenly you are back in life again

I'm the happiest that I've ever been. And I feel like my life has meaning and I feel like I understand myself better than I ever have before, because I can see myself in the pictures that I take, even when I wanted to shut down and be isolated.

I didn't take anything for granted anymore. Cause I knew it could all be taken away in a heartbeat

You can lose everything in a minute and I almost did. And that changes the way you look at the world. 

Following spiritual clues

I didn't even pick what I'm doing. It picked me. I just happened to listen to the signs when they came along and I follow them

The one thing that I'm the happiest with in my whole life -- which is being a photographer and a writer -- happened without having one goal

I used to feel like I was alone. I hated God. I hated any concept of God. And now, this is what saves me.

I can be successful when I step out my step out of the way, and I let God shine through because I believe there's a divine nature to all of us and our lives can be beautiful because of it

Podcast breakdown

3:35 When your life “plan” doesn’t work out as expected...feeling like a lost soul with no self esteem. 

8:45 Always hiding or physically running marathons, always pushing for more. One night he looked at a bottle of vodka and chose vodka over running, his usual escape. 

13:45 Tough love or enabling? Advice for families on how limiting an addict's choices can help. 

15:12 Finding purpose and connection

24:45 Cherishing the crash -- “flushed down the toilet” -- that made Michael more curious, more grateful, more open. 

33:05 Connecting to a spiritual entity and letting things unfold. Discovering the divine nature inside all of us that can make life beautiful. 

37:38 PRACTICE: Guided meditation practice on learning to love yourself, accept yourself.

About Michael Blanchard

Class-A alcoholic turned “inspirational photographer” and writer, Michael is the author Fighting for My Life and recently Through a Sober Lens. He lives on Martha’s Vineyard where he takes stunning transformative images.

You can connect with Michael and his see images and postings on Facebook Michael Blanchard Inspirational Photography

Also, check out his work at Michael Blanchard Gallery

Join Anne Alexander, two-time New York Times bestselling author, on the ultimate journey into discovering who you are, why you're here and going for what you truly deeply want in your life. 

Learn how to listen to your deepest wisdom, heal what hurts and unleash the power of being your true self. Let go of fear, people pleasing and playing small. Welcome courage, creativity, deep peace and purpose into your life.