TesseLeads

Professor Binna Kandola admits “This is a process of learning and learning, being self-reflective, getting feedback and actually trying to do better is the most important thing. “I had to educate myself when I was writing the book Racism at Work; the Danger of Indifference. I am learning myself. There's lots of other things that I don't know about. I am learning about myself! Sometimes I just need to listen. When somebody tells me something, I need to pay attention. Obviously its up to me to make up my own mind. That's the big, biggest thing I've learned”.

Tomide has been raised to find ways to be persistent and to be creative – keeping her eye on the price. When she was in school, especially in high school, she failed a lot of exams, especially in junior school. Her parents were great, ensuring that the opportunities that she did not have materialised. Her mum did not let her give up and would sit her down, and work with her to find out what she was good at, whilst continuing to improve in areas she was not so good at.

The story of Robert McCrea - a successful producer and actor, reads like something out of a Hollywood movie. His personal journey screams “resilience through adversity .”

Rob’s father managed to escape from the prison camp. He was a refugee from Burma at the end of the second world war whose reference for fathering was the Japanese prisoner of war camp which wasn’t much fun. His grandfather was executed in front of his father. Rob’s grandmother managed to escape from the women's prison camp with two of her daughters. They managed to collect Rob’s father and his slightly older brother from the men's prison camp.

With all of the guns, they actually had to cross the battle plane to get to the other side. The two week walk through the jungle, from a place called Michiana in Burma through the jungle to Lido road, which is where the allied forces were based could only take place at night time. Unfortunately, they didn't all make it on that journey. This environment that Rob was born into with very high achieving brave and strong women. His grandmother underwent hardships that you can't even begin to imagine! Brought up by a father who knew anything can happen in the world, Rob become a very resilient child who grew into a very resilient young man. Rob and his sister lived in a lot of different Asian countries without actually going to Burma. His father was keen that his children had the opportunity to live and be schooled in those countries, not as expats, but as locals. While they were in touch with where they came from, they had no understanding of prejudice. For an early age Rob and his sister realised the importance of being non judgemental.

During the pandemic, a new meaning came to Dr Nate with compassion mixed with accountability. This is even more valuable, and the work with clients is more important at that time, when compassion needs to be reconciled with accountability. Every day with Covid -19 opens a different chapter. The need for balance has never been more important as every day it takes on a new meaning.

Dr Nate admits that his personality is not naturally compassionate or naturally empathetic. “I'm self-centered. I want to work on things. I prefer to work on tasks than be with people by nature. So I'm a pretty selfish task-oriented person by nature, by personality. So it's a constant journey of constant struggle. But I grew up around a family that had amazing values and showed me these things.” How he treats people depends on whether his compassionate switches are on or off.

Life can be Poetry in Motion as Kate Hammer invokes the call of Madonna ( as mother ) “not about performance or conformance, the invitation is to walk, step in, or step out with compassion, care, soothing and empathy. “

Inside the rings that Kate and her husband exchanged were the letters WWO the number 2 and the letter B, which stands for where we ought to be from a Quaker song based on the tune of an old Anglican hymn called "simple gifts". “I can turn and turn and come down just right. If I am lucky and find where I ought to be.”

We can suffer losses or face the horror to a loss that is impending. There's a different kind of horror to a loss that's totally unexpected. Trauma kicks. A dream turns into the nightmare that you were not expecting. The heartbreak opens a window of grief. For Kate this happened when her mother died unexpectedly. Kate promised herself to bear that responsibility with grace. Quite strangely she realised that she had become the mother. She had always had a mom who she had been close to. She mothered her daughter who had a grandmother. Kate’s promise was to do something that her mother had never been very good at. This is to invite people in, to ask for help, to seek support, to admit when she did not understand things. Learning how to do that asking has been one of her greatest gifts.

Self love matters! Nancy White tells us why. It not only empowers us, it also helps us to be able to love and empower other people. We're all unique and different. If we can't love ourselves first and foremost, we can not love anybody else. Part of self-love is those things that are not only in our physical and financial arena, but in the spiritual and emotional arena. Whether it's setting goals, going through healing processes, making these things a priority in this season in life, self-love is the fuel that enriches our lives. Sometimes poor self image gets in the way. It is so important for us to have around us people we know, like and trust.

This pervasive emotion ran like a thread  throughout her life.  She did not see herself, in  books she read , or on the television,   or  in stories told  or anywhere else.

Esuantsiwa Jane Goldsmith (Esua) was the first and only woman of colour elected as President of Leicester  University Students Union in the 1970s. She talks  about her first book called "The Space Between Black and White", which was published by Jacaranda#2020.

In search of meaning, looking for new experiences, moving to new place, having fun, learning new languages led Chinese born Melody Song, co founder of Do Good Here to Canada and then to Berlin, Germany. Her mum, a translator for cultural ministries took her to ballet as a child which gave her access to ballet shows. She lived in Canada for 20 years, 15 of those years she served as a fundraiser at Alberta ballet.  To Melody names matter ‘You’re given a name for a reason. Learning how to pronounce someone’s name correctly I think is the first step of empathy, - the act of trying to understand and connect with someone can start here. Our names have interesting stories and unique meanings’ she told  TesseLeads.

Providing meaning and purpose has become paramount for Melody who finds she cannot live without purpose. She worked for an oil and gas company but found that was not rewarding enough. Her fun job was working for a zoo as a fundraiser, where she felt she had made a difference in preserving wildlife that were extinct in Canada for 75 years. When the conservation director said she had ‘helped wildlife today and helped to make the world better’ she knew she was in her ideal job.

For Sade Marriott, Podcast Host at Banana Island Living it was either make or break

It was either break down and cry. I was the only Black woman in my village. It was lonely. I had a little baby, so I volunteered, I reached out, I made connections and I cared for other people. I genuinely felt most people were positive because I am determined to find positivity wherever. I became part of my village community. Providing solutions rather than problems is key. If there's anything I've learned is humility.

When I did my PGCE my mentor who was younger than me, marked me down for interaction with the other staff. My daughter who was home from school at that time saw I was really having a hard time said, “mommy you're too well dressed. Honestly you're going to this school and you're dressed like this? You have to fit in.”

Once I took my mentor on board, I began making her cups of tea, I began rolling in baggy pants. I became sloppy and her new best friend. It worked. I did what I needed to do! In light of the Black Lives Matter conversations that we needed to have. I realised the importance of making other people comfortable and being more aware and better prepared to be inclusive and supportive. It is a fine line between being aware and making excuses. I believe it is critical to treat everybody as you would want them to treat you no exclusions, everybody. “

Nadine Robson’s mum’s inspiration lives and is the theme of her conversation today. At heart Nadine’s mum was all about love and just being a mum. That was what she really wanted to be.

She went through her own experiences of mental illness.

Unfortunately, through some of those experiences, she made some decisions that were really difficult, and she made some poor judgment calls.

The side effect of that was that Nadine was taken into care when she was 11 years old and taken out of the family home. This meant she didn't grow up with her brothers from that age. That was really tough. It was not easy to go through that experience.

Nadine Robson and Darren founded the MOE Foundation, an empowering coaching community that screams love and care.

Sarah Giles’ delicate, balancing act is the constant juggling of motherhood, career and everything else. After a 15 year plus career in HR she quit in the lockdown, resigning from her head of HR position.

“Looking from the outside, I probably looked like I had it all together, but inside I didn't. I have to set clear boundaries, focus on being a mum and have time for myself as well. “When you are so busy looking after other people it’s very easy to lose yourself in the process. We put our own self-care off I’ve learnt so much about myself. A lot of that is through my own coaching journey. I think it's things that I might not have ever done before.” remarks Sarah.

Sarah constantly asks herself the question “Who am I? “ She finds she is constantly evolving. As soon as she gets to a place where she thinks she is the person she wants to be, she discovers that she is growing again.

We all want to change the world with wellness, but it helps to remember that “Resilience helps us to stay grounded no matter what happens to us” - Resmaa Menakem “My Grandmother’s Hands.

We close our expectation gaps by actually acknowledging each other, acknowledging ourselves. We acknowledge what we do well and learn what we do not do so well. Rather than see failure as something that is bad, we see failure as something that helps us to do even better. In fact, some people say of failure that it's the first attempt in learning. Agility is using this time as experimental space to fail forward, to succeed more, and to sustain success through purpose, intention, commitment, and impact.

Bonnie Marcus, author of Not Done Yet recalls her first big job “I had no qualifications what so ever for that job. I was barely managing my own check book, let alone running a business with 30 doctors.

I somehow did really well in the interview, convincing them that I was the right person; or let me say that I was smart enough to learn. And they hired me. And a year and a half I ran eleven centers up and down the East coast in the U S for that company. And that was the beginning of my business career.

So I often say I've always learned business on the job. And I had mastered how to show up confidently and own the value that I could bring. Not faking it by the way, because I couldn't”

“People’s Precious Lives Matter” says Steve Morris, Vicar of St Cuthbert’s, North Wembley.

“I made a decision when I became a Vicar that I actually would not cover up the fact that I've had problems in the past, sometimes with depression and anxiety, I just wasn't.

I was going to be honest about it, cause I didn't want people thinking that I was some kind of superhero and I found it one of the most useful parts of my ministry is just to say, if you're feeling bad, talk to me about it, tell me what's happening says the gifted Steve Morris.”

His sharing with TesseLeads takes us through the highs and lows of life, his father, his wife and himself. Yet these struggles have served to strengthen his resolve and to cast a light on what really matters to him.

20 year old Presence Plumb inspired Tesse and Paula as she talked about when " it is ok not to be ok." Presence Plumb launched her podcast “It Starts with Action” in a spirit of curiosity and an intention to bring about change.

Presence charts her journey from the United Kingdom where she was born to Hong Kong. What was meant to be a short stay turned into a seven year stint, with young Presence being bullied for poor grades.

She become obsessed with fitting in and with becoming excellent. She was criticised for ‘being fat’. It was no surprise that in the face of such criticism, Presence became anorexic at 14 years and had a 3 months stay in hospital.

Our guest today is David Taylor-Klaus  and we will be talking about Experiencing the Magic of Thinking and Transformation.

David Taylor-Klaus (DTK) in a spirit of vulnerability, authenticity and high level of self-awareness, shares with #TesseLeads his relationship with depression, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, high levels of anxiety, limiting self-belief, workaholism and inappropriate diet.