The Fallout Lounge

Some days you're the fly, some days you're the windshield, and some days you stick your hand in a toaster oven.

Written by Bob Merlotti.
Voice by David Pasquesi, and introducing "Luna" and "Wolfie." 
Mix by Dave Gerbosi.

It's time to paint over Pantone Color of the Year 2021 with a sassy new selection.
Color us mixing a strong drink.

Written by Bob Merlotti.
Voices by Kathy Nagler, Barry Burdiak, Meg Ruddy, and Stevie Sant'Angelo.
Mix by Dave Gerbosi.

Tired of non-alcoholic beers that lack gusto?
Hoist three sheets to the wind with the bold new NA brew that's cresting with flavor!
Written by Bob Merlotti.
Voices by David Pasquesi, Barry Burdiak, Chris Cady, Meg Ruddy, Kathy Nagler, Dennis Ryan, TV's John Montgomery, Dave Gerbosi, and Bob Merlotti.
Music and mix by Dave Gerbosi.

We've procrastinated all summer, and it's been one big, fat Target chaise longue of contentment.
But now that all twelve compilations are displayed in a row for you to snatch up like an end-aisle display of RC Cola, the time has come for new material.
Beginning next week, fresh sketches will drop like a coast-to-coast water balloon.
So wrap up your summer romances and get that prickly heat rash looked at, because your favorite podcast is about to snap you out of your sweaty, procrastinating summer malaise.
'Til then, download, share, subscribe and review. We know you're not busy, we've seen your lawn. 

In sweaty anticipation of all-new Season 5, we're unloading our old sketches for pennies on the dollar!
Make us an offer on the patriotic adult book store sketch.
Grab a bargain on the "Racist Johnny Appleseed" sketch!
We can't say no offer is too insulting, because we're constantly humiliated--but that said, everything must go!
C'mon, step into our massive sketch garage sale and breathe in the savings!
Take a good, deep whiff of the comedy value!
Nestle it in your convulsing-from-laughter lungs.
We'll see you in the podcast ICU, if you're lucky.

"You won't get ten laughs out of this so called 'comedy program' of yours," the big-time agent scoffed, slamming the door in our faces.
"We'll show him!" we said, full of more bravado than experience.
Midway through Season Three, we had a total of four confirmed laughs--one of them clocked at 7.8 on the Garretty Guffaw Scale.
We decided to alter our focus in Season Four, claiming in a Scientific American interview that the most advanced comedy produced chin-stroking contemplation, not laughs.
Spoke too soon, because that's the moment we got six more laughs, putting us at the magic number.
Triumphantly returning to the big-time agent, we got the door slammed in our faces once again.
But this time we did the slamming, which is really hard to choreograph, if you've ever tried it. 

Space: dark, cold, not worth exploring.
Yet here we are, trying to locate a fixer-upper galaxy with potential.
Will science find a place for rich assholes to escape before Earth goes belly up?
Given that we haven't yet figured out how to get from Silver Lake to Santa Monica in less than an hour, probably not.
Still, we boldly go where no man has gone before--unmanned.
Explore this compilation, and remember the peculiarities of the comedy space-time continuum; this was funny when it was uploaded 22  light-years ago. 

Much like our national pastime of shooting each other, this week marks the traditional halfway mark of the baseball season.
Also, we're 50% of the way to humanity's demise!
And what better way to honor the stretch run of our extinction than this compilation, which mocks not only sacred cows, but also sacred Popes, sacred Hollywood stars, and sacred podcast norms.
Listen, you can bellyache about mankind's impending doom, or you can spend mankind's impending doom laughing 'til your belly aches.
The choice is yours, soon-to-be-obliterated comedy fan! 

It was the worst of times, it was the shittiest of times.
Gripped by fear that the Soviets were undermining democracy through comedy, brave white Senators held serious hearings about the country's need for seriousness.
Joy buzzers and seltzer bottles were banned, and dropping one's pants in public to reveal boxer shorts with little hearts on them became a felony.
The grim era ended when Senator Frederick Payne of Maine (our least-funny state) tried to blame a chambers-rattling fart on a whoopie cushion.
We dedicate this compilation to the comedians whose careers were ruined during the "Scourge of Scowls."
The good ones, not Milton Berle, who eluded scrutiny by never being funny. 

When The Fallout Lounge premiered, the comedy cognoscenti didn't give us a chance.
"More like Fallout Lounge DEAD!" sniffed SNL's Lorne Michaels.
But defying the odds, we were renewed for a second season, which we cheekily dubbed "Season 2."
Listenership grew, and we dropped some of our funniest sketches yet.
Mr. Michaels remained unconvinced, locking himself in his office for a day and emerging with, "More like 'The Fallout Scrounge'--for jokes!"
Clearly, our little sketch comedy program had struck a nerve.
"Who cares? We still have Pete Davidson and Kate McKinnon," the legendary producer sulked, "They'll never leave." 

Our third compilation landed us in hot water with politicians, the tech industry, and Hitler enthusiasts (turns out there's some overlap).
Yet despite this "canceling" from "elites," "dicks," and "Third Reich aficionados" (again, some Venn diagram overlap), we trudged forward.
Our listenership grew. And now, as the most popular podcast of a tiny, as yet unrecognized generation, we humbly ask you, dear listener: shouldn't we be able to laugh at ourselves?
And laugh even harder at jerkoff spigots?

Here's our very first compilation, from way back in 2019.
If you're a new listener, we're guessing you haven't heard it yet (we like to make uninformed assumptions like that).
Do the sketches hold up, three years later?
Given that several of them deal with a dystopian society careening toward disaster, boy howdy, do they!
P.S. Don't worry, it's hilarious disaster.

Smart infants like Hobo Baby shop at Mak V Children's Boutique.
If you're a smart baby or the parent of one, you should, too. 

Our capstone to Season 4 is a turgid tubesteak of mirth ready to shove down your comedy-hungry ear gullet.
Over 27 minutes of toothsome merriment.
Please subscribe and give us a positive review (not like the Yelp review you left for that poor mom and pop diner.
They're out of business now, hope you're happy.)

Due to popular condemnation, we've decided to line this instantly-infamous sketch up with the liturgical calendar.
Perhaps we'll make this an annual event, like Edward G. Robinson smoking unfiltered Camels in The Ten Commandments.

Voices by David Pasquesi, Barry Burdiak, Andrés du Bouchet, Andy Bobrow, Dennis Ryan, Dave Gerbosi, Meg Ruddy, and Bob Merlotti. 
Mix and music by Dave Gerbosi. 

Hollywood elites are just like you and me, except far better looking and with NFT Bored Ape Yacht Club money.
Now, for the first time, hear for yourself what lovely people they are when the cameras are off.

Written by Bob Merlotti.
Voices by Andrés du Bouchet, Helen O'Brien, Meg Ruddy, and Dave Gerbosi. 
Mix and music by Dave Gerbosi.