The Greatest Generation

When BLT’s abduction goes bad, it’s up to Neelix to remind her that the life she used to have on Voyager is better than the one she has now. But when Chakotay attempts to  make the same case with Captain Janeway, her new lover could lose more than his security deposit. How much water does it take to qualify as a wet cohost? Is there any limit to what a desperate person would do for love? What can industry learn from assembly line lobotomies? It’s the episode that doesn’t need souvenirs to remember it!

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When most of the crew finds gainful employment on a planet with great public transportation, everyone seems to enjoy their new jobs, though no one can remember how they got there. But when Commander Mark and his minions track down the missing crew, their behavior gets creepy and with no memory of Voyager, their suspicions are hard to overcome. Does the UK have its own meat nectar? What’s the fallen samurai hair of establishing shots? Who deserves a raise at the flirt factory? It’s the episode that spared us the stabby stuff!

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When Voyager gets sucked through a donut hole and into a void, it’s another space mugging and the crew has no way out. But when Captain Janeway starts building an alliance by giving away the store, her principles cause a stir but ultimately earn her some valuable new friends. How do you know when it’s door day? Does Garon have a passion outside of work? What could Neelix do to actually improve morale? It’s the episode where powders are wet all over the place!

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When Voyager finds a D7 full of very religious Klingons, they blow up their ship after learning BLT is pregnant. But when the fetus’ DNA also cures their deadly virus, the nearest barren planet looks perfect for their new empire. When is cleaning up poop like wiping your nose? Which drink is in honor of Dr. Star Trek? What did Kahless like to eat for breakfast? It’s the episode with a new ship’s surgeon!

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When Voyager gets involved in an execution milk run, Tuvok shoots the hostage and starts building the cellblock of his dreams. But when Dr. Mark talks Seven into a nanoprobe donation, a killer with a new conscience only deepens her need for atonement. Who always looks like he’s on an emotional knife’s edge? What’s the secret to a great Keanu? Which was the hardest job of Yediq’s entire career? It’s the episode that totally forgot BLT was pregnant!

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When an unforced error by John Torres makes BLT react badly to her new parasite, she’d rather go Gattaca in the holo research lab than listen to the people who care about her. But when she reprograms Dr. Mark to schism her in sicksbay, the suction cups come out and only childhood trauma can earn her forgiveness. What do gender reveal parties look like on a Federation starship? Who’s the morale officer of the family? How deep a hole can BLT dig? It’s the episode with too much headboard!

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When Voyager gets hit by a chronometric banger, no one but Chakotay can move from shard to shard. But when he takes bun Janeway hostage and starts rebuilding her a bathtub, Seska stands in the way of restoring the correct timeline. Does Darwin the dog have a favorite movie? What makes a holiday puzzle diabolical? Who on the ship needs really good spatial reasoning? It’s the episode that has Kazon nostalgia!

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When the Mornhammered continues and Dr. Mark is in deep, his poor judgement with the holos puts BLT at risk. But when Iden starts going from candle store to cult leader, the Doc Kivas Fajos him for yet another disciplinary conversation with Captain Janeway. What’s the hydroxychloroquine of the Biden administration? Is there anything worse than flesh-colored tights? Does Paramount+ do anything well? It’s the episode that finally repays the long lost Coco-no-no!

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When Dr. Mark gets swiped by a group of social holo-justice warriors, their vision for living free from Hirogen harassment puts him on the lookout for volleyball and colloidal silver. But when a double-barrel episode of Voyager proves too much for one Mornhammered episode to contain, Greatest Gen history gets made live on videotape. Which type of drink never gives head? Why aren’t all Hirogens ten feet tall? What’s the most important rule about yoga wear? It’s the episode that hasn’t remembered anything in fifteen years!

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When Harry Kim talks his way into command of baby’s first away mission, his Nick Burns approach to management is doing no one any favors. But when Icheb misunderstands BLT’s interest in rock climbing for romance, he tries to let her down easy after blowing up his scanner in a very steamy Jeffries tube. Do starship windows have emergency levers? Who isn’t taking advantage of the luxury of cilantro? What’s the best part of making lasagne? It’s the episode that’s hitting all the low notes!

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When Dr. Mark gets keistered during an attack on the Delta Flyer, Mark Seven gets a little too comfortable with their anti-photonic captors. But when the holodecks on Voyager become diplomatic fodder, Paris discreetly prescribes Tuvok a terrible crime. What’s Vulcan employment law w/r/t Pon Farr? Is there any gay panic to be found in this story? Who has a total subjugation blindspot? It’s the episode that wants Jeri Ryan to explore The Poehler Region!

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When Commander Harkins forces Barclay to take a week off, he follows Troi on vacation and realizes he’s been suspicious of his ex. But when a completely different Barcláy materializes on Voyager, the crew takes a more trust than verify approach and barely escapes a Ferengi lobe-enlargement plot. What is the mistletoe of the body? Which book should Star Trek publish next? Does Voyager need an additional staff policy? It’s the episode that’s too titillating for UPN!

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When Doctor Mark gets stolen from sicksbay by an unscrupulous feline trader, he’s sold to an alien hospital and put to work immediately. But when he takes great umbrage with the Dinaali health insurance system, he John Q Publics a heartless administrator by using his own rules against him. What’s the best way to write a Star Trek character? Who hates Gregory Itzin? Which host admits to light embezzlement? It’s the episode that swore an oath to great sauce!

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When members of the crew start going into comas, Tuvok takes the case and falls in love with the mystery assailant. But when he realizes he’s the one melding Maquis into a mutiny, a loyalty test by Chakotay puts him in position to take back the ship. Which muscles are ripped after 500 episodes? What’s the most common type of bruise? Where were they storing all the Maquis garb? It’s the episode where vanity is logical!

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When Paris and Kim meet a lady who likes impulse drive, she fits the Delta Flyer with a wooden shoe so they can enter the big race. But when BLT decides not to get left behind again, she takes the worst seat in the house and brings their relationship problems along for the ride. When do you know mistakes were made? Why aren’t there more white uniforms in Star Trek? What’s the most enjoyable way to use a Q-Tip? It’s the episode that loves the Doc’s balls!

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When the li’lest Borgs leave Voyager for good, Icheb stays aboard to try to Wesley Crusher his way onto the bridge. But when Seven’s cortical node goes on the fritz, her pupil ends up on the trolly tracks where a sacrifice is the only way to save her life. Which body part is the most problematic for gash? What do screenwriting manuals say about Icheb’s brother? How many iPads does it take to make a point? It’s the episode with a very specific tear dangle!

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When the Borgified dustbuster club infects the beef cube’s central plexus, the Queen starts losing track of Zeros and counters with an ultimatum to force them back. But when Captain Janeway orders the garden center shut down for good, it keeps the resistance movement alive but kills any hope for Seven and Axum. Were there better cliffs to hang from over the summer break? Who thought he could get away with hearting a boob picture? What’s a sure sign of desperation on Voyager’s bridge? It’s the episode that gets that special Darmoky treatment!

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When Seven starts visiting a garden center in her dreams, the people are familiar and they’re asking for her help. But when the Borgs Queen goes medieval to try to shut down Unimatrix Zero, Captain Janeway plans a dangerous away mission to the Borgs’ coolest cube. What percentage of the ship is available for sexual dalliances with Harry Kim? Why were there so many civilians at Wolf 359? Did Axum do anything wrong? It’s the episode that’s only giving you half of a reason to tune in at any given moment.

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When Voyager cuts power to drop off a mysterious passenger, Neelix gets field promoted to storyteller for the li’lest Borgs. But when the details of his tale don’t hold up under scrutiny, there’s no way to know whether the spooky stowaway was real. What are the rules of a regulation power hour? Where are morning margaritas allowed? How do you translate fucked up on scotch to fucked up on Topo Chico? It’s the episode that’s seeing Voyager in a different light!

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When Doc Holoday gets bad news from Jupiter Station, he mails himself there to try to impress his dada. But when Dr. Z turns out to be a terrible patient, it takes a conspiracy from Barclay and Troi to bring them together. Which type of prison will Chakotay be sentenced to? What’s the most troubling thing anyone has ever come up with in Star Trek? Why program Haley with such specific kinks? It’s the episode that confirms Doc Holoday wears Ron DeSantis shoes!

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