the Henny Flynn podcast

We’re hardwired to respond to stories. Before the written word, stories were how humans passed down critical information - Bullet points and facts don’t stick around as long. Stories provide us with a way to make sense of the world and neuroscience now shows us how the brain encodes memories in terms of narrative.

But.

Sometimes the stories we’ve picked up along the way of our life might no longer serve us. This episode explores the opportunity we may have to rewrite our narrative. 

It touches on...

• We all learn & gather stories, beginning in early childhood - from our families, our culture, our community
• Jung’s interest in fairytales and how they can shine a light into our life experience
• Some of the stories we carry might actually belong to others
• The 3 steps we can explore to take control of the narrative
• Exploring how we can transform and rewrite the stories we hold

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Today, I’d like to talk about Inner Change, and how - at its heart - it's about returning to Self.

This was a surprisingly emotive topic for me. You’ll hear there’s a moment I need to gather myself before continuing - proof (if I needed it) of the significance and importance of connecting deeply and compassionately with ourselves.

Some of the things I cover, include:

• The importance of reflecting on how far we have travelled 
• How taking off my rose-tinted spectacles was part of my own change journey
• That change goes beyond resolutions and goals
• The difference between Will Power and Way Power (part of Motivational Theory)
• The fundamental truth that caring deeply for your Self is part of caring deeply for the world and the people around you

I also share a piece of writing I originally wrote on Instagram, and it felt useful to include it here...
I’ve been noisier than usual recently. Sharing poems, thoughts, things about myself. It’s surprising me but I’m going with it. Something is drawing me to speak. And maybe it’s you I’m speaking to? Maybe you’re feeling like you want to be heard? Maybe something within you is asking to be seen? Maybe you sense an awakening of a long dormant part? Maybe… maybe you’d like to talk? Maybe it’s time? Maybe you’ve been wondering about this for a while? Maybe it’s a new surgence* within? Maybe you’ve been doing the Work for a while and want to see what to do with what you’ve found? Maybe this change you feel rising feels overwhelming at times? Maybe you’re seeking a guide. Maybe having someone walking beside you a while would feel like comfort and courage combined. If a yes arises to one or more, then maybe you are why I’m here right now, asking all these maybes. Maybe this is the moment to reach in? With love ❤️

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In ancient Sanskrit, mandala means “circle.”

Gradually working outward from the central first dot, the creator builds an intricate and beautiful design. And then, the whole thing is wiped clean. They’re ephemeral by nature.

Today I’d like to explore how the principles inherent within Mandalas could support us; and dip into what I’m calling: the Mandala Mindset.

Along the way, we'll be looking at:

• How Mandalas represent the ephemeral nature of all things
• The full version of the famous Marcus Aurelius quote that led to our modern usage of the adage: “live each day as if it were your last.”
• What it could mean to be aware of our own mortality
• How learning somethng new can help us connect with the Mandala Mindset
• Pema Chödrön’s observation that “Each person’s life is like a mandala”

 
“Everything that shows up in your mandala is a vehicle for your awakening. From this point of view awakening is right at your fingertips continually.” Pema Chödrön

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My guest today is the publisher Kate Adams.

Kate has published many books you’d recognise, including You Are What You Eat by Gillian McKeith, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Live Well Every Day by Dr Alex George. After working at Random House and then Penguin, she launched the Aster imprint for Octopus Books. Her experience has informed her deep curiosity about her own inner work - and has inspired the creation of the Inner Work Project. 

This is a wonderful expansive conversation that covers so many things - all enriching. I felt deeply calm after chatting with Kate. She has a wonderful energy that speaks to her curiosity and independent thinking.

I think you’ll enjoy meeting her too!

Some of the things we discussed include…

• The books & writers that can prompt us to start our journey on the inner work
• How our age and Lifestage can inform where we place our attention
• The power of letting the wild mother in (and releasing our need to be ‘good’)
• One of my favourite quotes: "Beware the man of one book"
• How we can reach outside ourselves for the answers - when they really sit within
• The importance of purpose as we craft the life we are creating

Lastly, there was a phrase that came to me as we spoke. Grasp the nettle and make tea. At the time it felt important. Maybe it speaks to you too.

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Moving into a new year, a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new mindset we can feel as though the old is falling away. In truth, we might find we're seeking this 'letting go', this 'falling away' - insisting even, that we no longer carry the old stories, beliefs, experiences and only see the new.

And yet.

I’m not sure that’s ever truly so. Though things may transmute, change, adapt. Do they ever completely disappear?

Today we explore this idea of how we make room for the new. Some thoughts that appear are:

• The idea that there is no ‘away’ - materially or metaphorically
• With change we sometimes forget we also carry the past with us
• When we mindfully, kindfully pay attention to what was, we can create the space for what will be
• Change seems to me to be more about revelation, rather than transformation
• Part of our new this year could be learning to see the glimmers

This is an explorative, expansive, reflective episode… spoken from the heart, the hara (though every now and again my head does seem to insist on getting involved). 

If you love this kind of reflection, I'd love to hear your own meandering thoughts on where it takes you.

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The root of this episode was inspired by a young man I met this summer.

You'll hear the story that prompted today's question: how are you answering the call?

This isn't the first time someone has posed this question - you'll hear I share some of their words too. Yet, I feel it bears repeating.

And while I recognise it may seem particularly pertinent at this time of year, I see it as a universal, eternal question. Something, perhaps, we can all continue to ask.

Thoughts that arise are:

• The words of Mary Oliver’s timeless poem, The Summer Day
• Seneca, Eckhart and Confucius on the shortness of life
• This can be a beautiful time to reflect on what was, to see what is, to look ahead to what will be
• That we may not know the answer to the question, and that’s ok - the importance is we keep listening in for the call
• The choices we have about how we envision the now we are creating 

And we close with the same tender, compassionate, curious enquiry: how are you answering the call?

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It’s no accident that this episode falls on the day before Christmas. A day when many - though by no means all - of us, come together to give and receive.

We all recognise there can be complexity in these kinds of festivities. 

But sometimes it can be useful to break down a single aspect of what’s entangled within the complexity and see how we can shine the light of awareness to help create a shift. 

So, today we’re exploring the art of generously receiving, through the 3 As: Acknowledging, Allowing, Accepting.

This is a multi-level concept. I believe it applies whether we're being offered something from the universe, nature, others or our own wisest inner self.  

We see...

• There are many things that can get in the way of receiving 
• When we acknowledge something we help bring it into existence
• A willingness to be vulnerable means we allow the safe passage of the thing we are being offered
• Accepting the thing exactly as it is - without judgement - is not the same as losing our boundaries
• Maybe the most generous gift we can give is to learn how to receive generously ourselves

I'm aware there is complexity within this exploration too, so the invitation is simply to see what you receive as you listen.

RESOURCES 

• Karen Mead article: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/learning-to-receive-5-steps-to-opening-up/
• Tara Brach RAIN: https://youtu.be/W8e_tAEM80k?si=acft-69cYqr590Qm
• William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, Act IV, Scene I

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I was sitting by a loch on the Isle of Mull, writing these words. When I looked up I saw a school of dolphin in front of me, and above me... a sea eagle.

It felt pretty profound! And seemed to give the words I'd written a certain potency.

I'm sharing them here.

10 thoughts on compassionate wisdom and a concept I'm calling inner activism. Here's some of what I cover:

• None of us know all the answers, and the wisest amongst us may say they know nothing at all
• When we step back and see we are part of something larger than ourselves, we see the weight of the world is not all on our shoulders
• There is a way of being that seeks the wisdom path, with compassion
• We are the pebble in the centre of our own pond, creating the ripples
• It is in the spaces between the noise that our wisest self can be heard

This is an expansive, explorative, experimental episode. I enjoyed sharing these thoughts - hope you enjoy listening. And I'd love to hear what resonated with you.

Henny x

WINTER INTO SPRING RETREAT 2024
Feb 19-23 - Herefordshire, UK - only a few places remaining.  If you want to know more... https://hennyflynn.ck.page/6a839471c2

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Sometimes, when we are so activated by what we’re experiencing in our inner world, our only place of control can feel like it’s to stay as we are. Even though we also know on a deep level that what will most serve us is to move, to change, to shift, to grow in some way.

So today we’re talking about stuckness. And how we can create some movement within.

It’s a familiar feeling for so many of us - whether from the past or something we’re feeling right now.

Some of the points I cover are:

• Overwhelm can often come from too many choices
• When we’re activated, our whole system fires up to avoid further risk
• Self-compassion is turning toward ourselves with the desire to see our own suffering and help in some way
• Different somatic expressions of the internal state of stuckness, and a technique to attend to this
• To feel fully safe with others, it can be vital to feel safe with ourselves first

Finally, I close with the reflection that every time you do something kind for yourself, you're creating a shift. Notice those moments, they may add up to something you haven’t fully yet recognised.

With love.

RESOURCES
JOURNALING QUEST for Self-Compassion - free mini-course: https://hennyflynn.ck.page/c852854559

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Leonard Cohen once wrote 'so much of the world is plunged in darkness and chaos… So ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.'

Today we're exploring light. Real and metaphorical. We look at:

• How vital light is for our well-being - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual
• The work of Polyvagal theorists, Stephen Porges and Deb Dan
• How glimmers, tiny moments of joy, are the powerful opposite of triggers and help us let the light in
• The nueroplasticity of the brain and our ability to support ourselves as we re-establish homeostasis
• A poem from My darling girl vol. 1 that I now understand was all about glimmers 

When we care for our whole being - body, mind, spirit - when we let the light in - then we are better able to live well, and to care with compassion for the world around us, and the people around us too.

Learning our own glimmers, learning how we (as individuals) can let the light in. This is part of the Work.

RESOURCES
Stephen Porges - The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe
Deb Dan - The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

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The Buddhist teacher thicht nacht hahn tells us how when we look at the tops of trees in a storm, they are wild and look like they might fall. But when we lower our gaze, we see their trunks are standing steady.

This reflection felt so perfect when I read it after completing the practice I'd like to share with you today, a practice that introduced me to a piece of wisdom I hadn't been expecting to receive. I share:

• An ancient and very simple re-grounding practice, to use whenever you feel disconnected or lost in the noise and challenges of the world
• My own personal experience of using this practice, and how it feels to listen deeply to your inner wisest self as you connect with nature
• How while being able to move with the flow is important, sometimes it is also important to hold ourselves steady and trust what we know to be the deepest truth

You may wish to also explore Wisdom from Within, a fully guided, online teaching to support you in deepening your connection with your own inner wisdom.
https://hennyflynn.ck.page/9ca85eeaaf

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How many times have you felt disappointed or surprised that something hasn’t gone quite as you expected?

Or found yourself feeling faintly uncomfortable at how something was unfolding- perhaps not quite knowing what you’re feeling or why you’re feeling it?

As humans we all make assumptions all the time - they're useful things, designed to keep us safe.

But the challenge is that our assumptions can be misguided at times.

Today we're looking at Great (or not so great) Expectations:

• How we can find ourselves assuming something is going to go really well, and end up downhearted. Or we assume it will go really badly and tie ourself up in knots before the thing happens.
• How finding the balance between positive anticipation and unhelpful assumptions can be tricky - especially as we’re not always aware of the assumptions we’re creating.
• And I share an ImageWork practice that can help us create and maintain a mindful awareness of what we're facing into - where we vision the day (or event) ahead, seeing what our imagination can show us about the assumptions we might be making

I'm also offering this practice as a LIVE online event

Vision The Day: Thursday 7 December 7-9pm BST

Find out more and book your tickets through Eventbrite or see the information on my website - tickets are going fast!
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/vision-the-day-tickets-754474251797?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

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In his writings ‘No Mud, No lotus’, the great Buddhist thinker, Thich Nhat Hanh says:

"Suffering and happiness are not separate"

Every generation faces its challenges, just as every human being faces theirs. This is a universal theme that is feeling particularly resonant right now. And so, today we’re going to be exploring what it means to make space for the joy and the pain.

• I explore how depending on our conditioning we may lean more toward one than the other. Perhaps suppressing our pain or our joy out of fear or shame. 
• As children we make sense of an adult world, using the only resources we have. The challenge is that as we mature we carry the same strategy with us and keep deploying it. 
• The grandmothers of the Hacaritama tradition in Columbia tell us  how to balance the spirit of Ecua - the spirit of pain - by welcoming in our happiness.

Keep listening at the end for a bonus extra where I also share a reading from My darling girl vol.2. 

RESOURCE
Thich Naht Hahn article https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/no-mud-no-lotus-2/

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"Our body and mind have the capacity to heal themselves if we allow them to rest. Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing."
thich nhat hanh

Rest is a theme we often return to here. 

How we can often feel we 'should' just battle through - we don’t need to rest. But, for me, my sense is that this is really the Ego talking.

We’re denying the basic human biology that without rest we cannot heal, we cannot be well - whether that’s physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

Today I share some personal reflections, scraps of research and important fundamentals. I'd love to hear how it all resonates with you.

See you in season 12!

To get notified first of when the new episodes air, join the mailing list - and receive a free Yoga Nidra - one of the practices I mention in the episode that can help give us the rest that is so vital for our well-being https://hennyflynn.ck.page/ebfd053a9b

RESOURCES

InsightTimer meditations https://insighttimer.com/hennyflynn

Online & inperson events for the last few months of 2023 https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/gatherings

Helping people change, coaching with compassion (caveat - I loved some aspects of this book & not others!): https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781633696563

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My guest today is the wonderful Susan McCulley - always a joy to welcome her back to the podcast.

During the show, she shares a line from a song: "To question is to grow". This feels like a beautiful summation of where our conversation took us.

We explore the impact of the phrase 'Because I said so', going deep and wide. Taking time to understand the essence of the meaning we may have been interpreting from what we've heard from authority figures in our life - whether or not they used this specific phrase. And how it may have influenced us - in our inner & outer life.

We discuss...

• What can sit behind the use of this phrase / the core message within it
• The importance of our interoception and how we listen to and discern the cues and signals in our own bodies
• How the phrase is designed to shut down - and the impact that can have on critical thinking & how we trust our own feelings and judgement
• The binary thinking / behaviour it can engender - perhaps instilling a belief that there's right or wrong and nothing in between 
• Ways we can challenge the inner (and outer) voices mindfully 

We close with a quote from Lady Gaga:

"The reason I don't want anyone to control me is not because I want to be in control. I don't want anyone to control me because I don't want anyone to control anyone".

Well said.

My final reflections on our conversation were that fundamentally, this is about being able to distinguish legitimate authority from authoritarianism. And remembering these messages are not necessarily passed on because of a conscious desire to control or limit others. Rather they can be an internal narrative that’s been passed down through the generational or systemic line. 

Our role then, as we reshape the patterns of our life is to embrace being empowered and love our sense of agency - unlearning what we may have (unwittingly) been taught by (loving) caregivers or authority figures.

RESOURCES / REFERENCES
A great article on interoception from the New Yorker:
https://www.newyorker.com/science/elements/the-paradox-of-listening-to-our-bodies?utm_source=pocket_mylist

Our episode from season 6 on Balance:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/s6e9-balance-is-a-verb-not-a-noun-with-susan-mcculley/id1516813304?i=1000553787450 

A recent blog post from Susan that further explores the importance of interoception
https://www.susanmcculley.com/blog-posts/interoception-adventure

CONNECT WITH SUSAN
Susan Jane McCulley: Nourishing Mindful Movement Leader/ Artist / Writer

susanmcculley.com

https://www.facebook.com/groups/411723369813607
www.instagram.com/susanjmcculley 

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We often learn that resilience is our best course of action. That it’s weak to turn back, to change course, to do something new.

But, of course we all also know that having the courage to end something can be the wisest action we can take.

So, today I’d like to explore what can get in our way of ending something - and what can help us find the courage to take the next step.

Because, of course, for something to begin, something must end.

And.

When something ends, something else begins.

RESOURCES
To explore this subject of endings further, have a listen to:

• S4E3 - Everything begins with an ending https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/everything-begins-with-an-ending/id1516813304?i=1000524217815
• S9E5 - Begin with Resonance, with Susan McCulley https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/s9e5-begin-with-resonance-with-susan-mcculley/id1516813304?i=1000597966616

And, for an incredible true story of how we can find agency even in the darkest times, read:

• Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl https://uk.bookshop.org/a/8926/9781844132393 

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“It is literally neurobiologically impossible to think deeply about things that you don’t care about” Mary Helen Immordio-Yang of the University of Southern California*.

Of course.

This statement feels SO obvious! (Like the truest things often are)

If you’re like me, you’ll see so many situations where it applies - school, jobs, even the books we read.

AND

With this insight, we can see:

To be able to think deeply about ourselves (and create change in our lives) we have to care ABOUT ourselves.

Without that, it’s impossible to maintain our motivation for change.

It’s why, for me, ALL change begins with self-compassion.

*Thank you to my biggest big brother for sharing this gem with me!

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I’ve been pondering the idea of ‘success’. 

1. What is it? 
2. What does it mean when we do or don’t achieve it? 
3. How does our perception of it change, as we change?

When I consider what I used to consider being successful meant, and how I look at what I consider to be success today… there are marked distinctions. Though I expect that if I’d drilled in when I was younger, the things I feel are most important now would still have been there, at the centre of things, then.

• Connection with others.
• Self-worth.
• Good communication.
• A willingness to deal with difficult things face on.
• Compassion for myself… and others.

These are all things that it would be hard for anyone to deny are important success factors in any life.

And yet, we often devalue them in favour of other stuff.

The article of this episode is also published through my LinkedIn page - to read it, come & find me: https://www.linkedin.com/in/henny-flynn/

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At the most recent Journaling Gathering in June, one of the areas we discussed was how our journal can become a wise and trusted friend. Someone we can turn to in times of doubt, loss, crisis, pain - as well as times of energy, excitement, ambition, hope and joy.

I work with my journal in much the same way I work with those I’ve asked to walk beside me at times in my life - coach, friend, therapist. And as I write that, I can also see the work I do, when I walk beside others, as being almost a speaking journal. A mirror to reflect back, a container to hold space, an intuitive voice to respond.

I also find it useful sometimes to return to past journals and see what wisdom came through at the time of writing. A gentle - and often very appropriate reminder - of wisdom I already hold within, that simply needed refreshing.

So, today, when I was considering what to share here, I turned to an old journal...

Come along to the next Journaling Gathering, on Sunday Sept 24 at 11am - to book, click here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/580182761257?aff=oddtdtcreator

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This season feels largely inspired by statements we may have absorbed as children & the impact they can have in our lives.

This one (Too big for your boots) may sound like something you’ve heard in your time? Or maybe you recognise the essence of it in the judgemental things you have perhaps heard yourself say to your Self.

It’s also tied to ‘pride comes before a fall’ (that’s one of mine) and ‘who do you think you are’ - so it’s also related to episode 3 of this season, where I explored my reflections after hearing a mother say ‘how dare you’ to her child.

Before we begin, it’s essential to frame these explorations in compassion. Recognising that phrases like this can be an expression of profound love - a learnt means of trying to keep a loved one safe from harm.

And.

And exploring them, recognising how they may have influenced us in our lives can be a profound expression of self love - an acquired means of helping ourselves grow, outside of what may have confined us in the past.

Join the mailing list & receive the mini-course '3 little acts of self-compassion', completely free
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