The Real Marriage Podcast

While life seems to get busier by the day the distractions seem to come just as quickly.

Whether it is aimlessly scrolling through social media, watching the random tv shows or however you fill the ever so small blank space you have in your day-to-day it never seems to help us move forward. In other words, our distractions can hold us back.  

This episode is a conversation we try to always keep in front of us.  Are we spending our time on the right things?  Are we focused? Are we overwhelmed and overdoing our schedule?

While we aren't perfect in this space and fall into the traps of not being as intentional with our time we know that we need rest and to prioritize putting our time into the things that matter most.  This episode will challenge you to do the same.  

You probably have many goals for the new year.  

Getting healthy physically and maybe spiritually.  Goals for your kids and relationships.  

What if sex and intimacy was a part of your goals this year?  When God created marriage He made it to where sex is a major component of strengthening and protecting a marriage.  It is a blessing that we get to take part in.

However, as life goes on and we get busier and more overwhelmed by our responsibilities our intimacy in marriage can take a backseat.  And slowly, your start to grow a part and assumptions are made and bitterness and confusion can step it.

Listen and hear Heather and Griffin openly talk about the significance sex and intimacy should play in your marriage.  They unpack the challenges you deal with as well as the reality of how it becomes less of a priority.  But in the end, the right approach in your marriage should make sex and intimacy better as you move forward.  

Somehow the year is already over.

Another year down and 2024 is now to come.  One of the practices we try to do often is reflecting on where we have been and what we have been through.  

For us, 2023 has been full of new challenges as well as circumstances to celebrate.  Listen and hear us unpack our takeaways from the year.  From challenges with kids and work, learning how to keep maturing and finding more ways to unify as a couple, we experienced plenty this past year.  There will be plenty that you resonate with.  

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse aren't on the same page?  Do you feel like you are headed in two different directions? 

Sometimes in our marriage one spouse can change as time goes on.  Your passions, your beliefs, your core values can grow as you do but your spouse doesn't come along with you.  This can be common for many marriages when life change happens like having kids, moving to a new area or changing jobs. It can be the reason couples decide to split up because thinking about a lifelong partnership with someone who isn't growing like you are can be daunting.  

Listen and hear Heather and Griffin talk about the many challenges they have heard couples go through with this particular issue.  Also hear some encouragement on how to approach your spouse in a healthy way to spark healthy growth in them. 

Yes, it is a blessing!

Last episode we unpacked the burden of parenting.  One thing we noticed was how easy it was to think about those ideas.  The blessings were a little more in depth to uncover.  

And that is what makes the blessings so impactful.  The role and responsibility of a parent is so unique and so impactful, the blessing play out for decades.  

Listen and hear Heather and Griffin speak about how they experience blessings now with young kids in the home but also look forward to the built-in lifelong blessing of relationships with their children for a lifetime.  

Parenting is forever.

The word "burden" carries a negative connotation but the reality is that parenting is both beautiful and difficult.  At the very least the incredible responsibility of parenthood can feel like a burden in one way or another.  Because it is so constant and is a role you carry for so long it's worth understanding what the experience is truly like. 

Listen and hear Griffin and Heather share what parenting has felt like to them.  They discuss how they have experienced the weight of their role as mom and dad and what they have learned as they have partnered together to lead their five children for the last ten years.  

How can bitterness negatively impact your marriage?

It's one of those things that starts small but if not dealt with it grows into something you can't control.  Each of us have frustrations towards our spouse for whatever reason but if we allow feelings to linger it will create issues down the road we won't want to face.

Listen and hear Griffin and Heather unpack their experiences with bitterness both in and out of their marriage.  You will hear them discuss the communication tools that are essential to avoiding bitterness and how it gets harder to do once you have kids.  

You've probably heard this before: marriage is 50/50.

But is it really?  When you step back and think about the different areas of your marriage and the specific roles you play it isn't always equal.  Sometimes it's 70/30 or even less.  Even the capacity we have in certain seasons to be "all-in" can vary and more often than not one of the spouses is carrying more than 50 percent of the weight at a given time.

Listen and hear Griffin and Heather unpack how this plays out in their own lives.  They speak into work, parenting, dreams, money and more. 

It's another season change.

Summer is usually a time where we try to fit in vacations, find some rest and get the kids into as many things as possible to keep them busy. But if we aren't careful we can easily overdo the schedule and leave the summer feeling more tired and burned out than ever.  

So, what does a set apart summer look like?  Could it be an intentional time for your family?

Listen and hear a conversation about a healthy approach to what the summer could be and why you may want to change it up this year.  

It almost sounds like an outdated word.

What does modesty look like is 2023?  Is it even something worth focusing on?

In part two of our "Set Apart" series we dive into this topic.  You will hear Griffin and Heather walk through their process of figuring out as a couple how they wanted to approach modesty.  And while it's easy to focus on the surface level ideas about what we wear and how we carry ourselves, listen and hear a conversation about what is beneath the surface with this topic. It's more about why we do what we do. 

The longer we are married the deeper our conversations get about who we want to become.  

We talk a lot about our foundation, the growth areas of our lives and what we truly care the most about.

For us, we want a marriage and a life that is set a part.  Free from what the world and culture is chasing, which by the way doesn't seem to work out for many people anyway, and driven towards what is most important.

That is a life centered around fully pursuing Jesus and what the Lord designed us for.  What we have learned is that this is a life that is set apart.  It is challenging, it's fulfilling and it is a beautiful journey.

Join us for the next few episodes as we dig into what a marriage set apart looks like.  

Whether it is at work, with kids and parents, your faith and any other relationship you can think of we all prefer values more than rules.  

No one wants to be dictated to or forced to follow a rigid set of rules because their is no heart to that.

Parameters and boundaries are helpful but they are more powerful when they are based around a set of values that establish those boundaries.  

Listen and hear Heather and Griffin discuss how this impacts the culture of your family.  In marriage, parenting or faith we want to project and understand that value of how we function and how we operate.  Communicating values instead of rules to our children sets them up to know they why behind the what.  Hear how values are greater than rules in every aspect of life.  

There is a difference between being busy and being fruitful.  

Life is jam-packed.  You've noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day and that you always have more to get done.  

The tendency is to believe the lie that being busy is the best way to be.  That if you're busy you are moving forward and keeping up.  We live in an age of "hustle culture" telling you to spread yourself across as many things as possible to get ahead.  

The truth is that the goal is to be fruitful not busy.  

Listen and hear how we are learning to be careful not to overextend what we commit ourselves to and ensure that we are wise with what we are pouring ourselves into.  

Have you ever been told you are too emotional?

What about hearing that you don't show enough emotion?  Most likely, your emotional makeup is different between you and your spouse.  One of you wears them on your sleeve while the other keeps them close to the vest and doesn't show much at all.

This can be a sticking point for many relationships.  Not understanding, valuing and caring for each others emotions can do damage to your marriage.  It can keep you from growing and moving forward because this is foundational to a long-term relationship.

Listen and hear Heather and Griffin talk openly about the challenges they have encountered throughout their marriage and even their lives based on how emotional they are or aren't.  You will also hear tips on how to navigate this ever present part of your connection with your spouse.  

Do you have clutter in your life? 

As the weeks and months fly by it becomes so easy to get busy and overwhelmed with everything.  We get farther away from what our goals were at the beginning of the year and things begin to pile up.  Business becomes a major challenge.  

It's easy to start losing focus of the main things we should give our attention to.  Our marriage, kids, faith, etc.  It may be time for some spring cleaning in your life.  

The real reason we feel like we have a successful and growing marriage is because of God's involvement in our everyday lives.

We talk often about how God has led us or shown us something.  So, can you really hear from God?  What does that exactly mean and can that happen for you?

There are so many questions when it comes to faith but when it comes down to it, us hearing from God has been a game-changer.  Listen and hear how we have learned to be connected to our Heavenly Father in a way that allows us to hear from Him in our lives.  Hopefully it inspires you to pursue the same for your life and marriage.  

Last episode we tried to answer a common question people ask us.  How do you balance it all?

The truth is that it is very difficult.  It's a constant conversation of where we are lacking and how we should adjust.  

This week we touch on the different area of our life that each of us has had the toughest challenge with balance.  Heather speaks on the challenges of having to focus on the kids throughout most of our marriage and feeling like she isn't able to give Griffin enough.  And Griffin shares to difficulties of balancing work and family as he has adjusted to the demands of pursuing success with work while making sure to give the family the best he has to offer.

One of the most common questions people ask us is how do you balance it all?

It's a great question and it's forced us to really think hard about how we approach all that we have going on in our lives.

It certainly isn't easy and it was harder in the beginning.  For us, believe it or not, it has gotten somewhat easier the more we have added.  We have matured and learned so much along the way but the balancing act will always be a challenge for us. 

In this episode we talk about our journey to learn how to handle all that we have.  We share some of the harder areas we each struggle with and some solid tips we have picked up along the way to get better and better about managing all that we have. 

Thank you for taking this journey with us!  We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time.  And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.

Fights and disagreements happen for various reasons.  Whether it is stress induced, miscommunication, using the wrong tone at the wrong time, etc. conflict is just a part of the marriage equation. 

So, when your spouse lets you down or puts you in a difficult position how do you handle it?  Do you respond with love and patience or are you more prone to being frustrated, annoyed or bitter towards them?

In this episode Heather and Griffin get real about a recent conflict they had with each other.  You will hear how Griffin put Heather in a really tough spot and they unpack the decision Heather had to make to either humbly make the situation better or respond in a way that would put gas on the flames.

Thank you for taking this journey with us!  We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time.  And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.

It's been nine months since our last episode and so much has happened with the Gilstrap in that time.

Covid, new home, new job, new school for the kids and a new baby is just the beginning of our last nine months. 

We share it all in our first episode of season six along with the challenges we have faced as a couple and as a family throughout the process. 

Thank you for taking this journey with us!  We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time.  And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.