Tomorrow's World Audit Time

According to the sorts of people on the internet who make up quotes and then attribute them to famous people in order to sell posters and T-shirts, Gandhi once said "If you don't ask, you don't get". And what a wise man he was (if he said that, which he almost certainly didn't).

You see, one of our esteemed subscribers had the revolutionary idea of asking us to audit a particular episode, which features Howard Stableford arguing with a talking Hoover, and that is exactly what we've done.

Elsewhere in this absolutely jam-packed episode we will encounter Judith Hann saying aloha to abalone in Hawaii, new girl Anna Walker soaping up on the runway, Peter Macann almost wheely hurting himself, and Maggie Philbin back doing what she loves best: shooting arrows into apples.

Trigger warning: This episode features what may be the greatest number of podia ever assembled in one Tomorrow's World segment. So if you suffer from podium phobia, maybe skip the piece about cheese.

(Also, apologies for the sound quality and excessive background noise. Mark recorded himself on the wrong microphone. Amateur.)

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In the wake of an extremely indulgent Christmas and birthday double-whammy, Russ turns to Tomorrow's World for inspiration in an episode from January 1998 that features Peter Snow examining diets and calorie counting. What a fat load of good that turns out to be.
Meanwhile, Mark explains why he thinks four eyes are better than two as we watch Anya Sitaram looking at developments in the world of laser eye surgery.
Elsewhere, Philippa Forrester presents from a gantry (hooray!), Craig Doyle gets outsmarted by a dog, Jez Nelson surfs the Singapore web, and Dave Stewart from the Eurythmics chats about his terrible jam.

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To paraphrase the legendary 1985 pub car park musician rumble champion Boy George: "And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy. Throw your arms around Tomorrow's World at Christmas time."

So that's what we're doing. And it will be extra comfy as everyone is wearing extremely cosy-looking knitwear.

This is a real Christmas treat with everything for all the family: booze, toys, chocs and John Rambo.

Listen on as Russ & Mark - broadcasting live from the Dutch Alps - welcome TW legend Bob Symes for the first time, Peter Macann gets his phone hacked, Maggie Philbin gets a golden ticket to a Swiss chocolate factory, Howard Stableford tries some very dry white wine, and Judith Hann tackles some (G)remlins in her VHS player.

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Evenin' all! It's time once again for Russ & Mark to take down the particulars of a Tomorrow's World special episode and, because they are celebrating the 40th birthday of The Bill, they're going to watch one focusing on 'The Forces of Law and Order'. 

William Woollard is loitering with intent outside the headquarters of Interpol, reporting on heroin smuggling in Marseilles and Amsterdam, a kidnapping in Sicily, and the tactics of the bonecrunching CRS riot squad.

Meanwhile, Michael Rodd is proceeding in an easterly direction to Germany, tailing a stolen Merc and admiring the frighteningly well-equipped Bundesgrenzschutz.

We're also treated to a guest presenter in the form of radiant Dutch reporter Ria Dalmeijer, who brightens up an otherwise rather bleak examination of policing in Northern Ireland.

Get your trousers on son. You're nicked!

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It's been a long time coming, but finally Russ and Mark get round to auditing an episode from the short-lived Vorderman era of Tomorrow's World. Was it worth the wait? Absolutely not, but they still somehow find plenty to chat about. 

A very hoarse Carol Vorderman hosts on her own from the studio, before heading up to Nottingham to meet a young lad with a cochlear implant; Vivienne Parry checks out the hot new trend in paralysing spinal injections; Howard Stableford discovers a completely different definition of 'fish tanks'; and Shahnaz Pakravan raises more questions than she answers when she tries to flambé a Frenchman's face.

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This time Russ & Mark pay tribute to the second-best film ever made and take a look at the episode of Tomorrow's World broadcast the week that Predator stormed into UK cinemas. For some reason almost everything they look at involves water and/or magnets, so if that floats your boat please stick around to enjoy:

Maggie Philbin testing batteries and purifying oil rig water, Judith Hann visiting Shanghai to sniff their sewage, Peter Macann windsurfing like a pro, and Stephen Hawking showing off his new voice to Howard Stableford.

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With everyone banging on about A.I. these days, Russ and Mark thought they'd better jump aboard the bandwagon before it leaves town and take a look at an episode of Tomorrow's World that features a virtual personality called Maddie, who demonstrates plenty of the A but not a lot of the I when she answers calls from the public.

Also in the programme, which let's not forget heralds from the very worst era of TW, Kate Humble plays with penguins and pumps up balls, Roger Black bandages a hurdler, Adam Hart-Davis chats to Rob McElwee about a satellite, Katie Knapman watches over a couple of sick kids and arch-Brexiteer Dr David Bull shows us some heart (not his). 

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After a month off to recuperate, Russ and Mark ease themselves back into the world of tomorrow with an extremely run-of-the-mill episode from 1973. It's just a week after the end of the Vietnam War and it doesn't seem like there's much going on at the moment (except the Cod War). Still, at least this makes for one of the shortest episodes of the podcast ever, so you can't complain about that. 
Listen on as Derek Cooper narrates films about fish pheromones and tin can recycling, William Woollard tries to cause a gas explosion in an old lady's kitchen, Michael Rodd gets under the bonnet of a Morris Marina before examining a woman's legs, and our esteemed host Raymond Baxter keeps an eye on proceedings through his fancy new high-speed camera.

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Russ and Mark are in a celebratory mood - not only have they made it to 30 episodes, but it is also by pure coincidence the 30th anniversary of the World Wide Web. Luckily for those of you confused by this new fangled internet thing, Tomorrow's World have put together a "Webwise Special" explaining everything you need to know about the information superhighway. So strap on your surfboard and get stuck in as Philippa Forrester and Peter Snow welcome us to the digital future, with the help of Craig Doyle, Lindsey Fallow, Sir Steve Redgrave and Douglas Adams.

ACHTUNG: This episode also features a not inconsiderable amount of Hale and Pace. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

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Heartfelt apologies. Our Easter special is a week late. That's the last time we rely on Michael Rodd's maths to work out what date it's supposed to be... 
But just like that Creme Egg you find down the back of the sofa, there's so much good stuff inside this episode that you can tuck in any time of the year and still enjoy yourself.
Listen on as Kieran Prendiville shows us his fancy chopper, Judith Hann necks some pills and catches some rays, Su Ingle grows a third hand after visiting Windscale, and the incomparable Michael Rodd blinds us all with his teeth and some truly miraculous mathematics.

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As a lovely St. Patrick's Day treat, we cross the Irish Sea to join Raymond Baxter for a very special episode "down on the farm" in County Meath, Ireland. It's what you've all been crying out for - a European agricultural extravaganza! 
Listen on as Russ & Mark spend far longer than they thought they would finding out about truffle cultivation, cow breeding, overachieving German farmers, cutting-edge tractor tech, stretched pigs, the Green Pound, and aphid monitoring. 
Alongside Raymondo on presentation duties are special Irish guest host Caroline Erskine, William Woollard is in the voiceover booth and Michael Rodd provides his trademark comic relief.
Sláinte!

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MWAH! 

MWAH!

That's a couple of big sloppy kisses from your favourite auditors as thank you for listening to us on this very special day of the year.  

Snuggle up as we gawp at Philippa Forrester being very tidy in every sense of the word. Then Jez Nelson gets some vampire bats drooling, Howard Stableford watches a spot of hardcore pucking, Vivienne Parry has a whale of a time and Shahnaz Pakravan enjoys the ride of her life.

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Batten down the hatches, take shelter and ignore Michael Fish, because there's a hurricane brewing! Coming live from BBC TV Centre on the very night of the Great Storm of 1987, Maggie Philbin and Howard Stableford brave the rotten weather outside, while sensible Judith Hann and Peter Macann stay dry in the studio. There's a whole load of nonsense segments this episode, with a couple of good ideas somewhere in between. Listen on to hear about: Robo-jockeys in Memphis, nuisance phonecalls in Bristol, a new way to stop car thieves, anti-genes, pampered mussels in Plymouth, prism specs, a British spaceplane, superconductors, Japanese musical fish farming, healthy sugar from apples, fingerprinting bacteria and drunk bears in Montana.

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Holograms are coming, holograms are coming, holograms are coming! 

Yes folks, it's time once again for the now traditional annual Tomorrow's World Audit Time Christmas Special. This one looks at an episode of TW from December 1981, in the midst of a particularly cold and snowy winter (we're sure you can empathise). 

Listen on as Michael Rodd mucks about with lasers and electricity, Judith Hann recycles her tinsel, Su Ingle plays with a train set and Kieran Prendiville retires to the pub for an absolute skinful in between operating some heavy machinery.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Russ & Mark! 
See you in the very futuristic-sounding 2023. xxx

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Have you ever wondered what this podcast would be like if Russ didn't edit out all the times Mark talked about football? Well you're about to find out, as for one episode only we change into our referee kits and take a look at a Tomorrow's World from the week before the 1998 World Cup. And if you want to know what we thought of it, look away now.... [it's an absolute snoozefest]

Philippa Forrester keeps watch from the dugout while Craig Doyle tickles the ivories, Anya Sitaram cools her jets, Russia and Ukraine get on with each other, Peter Snow goes time travelling and Jez Nelson takes the most belaboured free kick in footballing history. Oh, and Julian Lloyd Webber turns up unnecessarily.

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Warning: This episode is not for the faint-hearted, as we travel back 30 years to the week following BBC1's broadcast of the SCARIEST TV PROGRAMME EVER MADE - Ghostwatch. 
However, on Tomorrow's World Halloween is a distant memory as they turn their attention to the imminent Bonfire Night, with promises of an absolutely spectacular firework display at the end of the show. Can you already smell the dampness of those squibs?
Also on the show, Judith chats about biodiesel and dodgy glassware, Kate goes paragliding in Kent and reports on measles and seaweed, Howard meets a grumpy artist and then listens to the Beach Boys while fat shaming himself, and Carmen takes a spin in a Dutch centrifuge.

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Ever wondered what would happen if the people who make Tomorrow's World went on strike? Well, wonder no more. Turns out that all they do is cobble together a Frankenstein's monster of a programme from old segments of previous episodes. The interesting thing, as your esteemed auditors quickly discover, is that whoever is normally in charge of quality control is very much on strike too. Listen on as Michael Rodd fondles a gnome, laughs at some trains and breaks America, Kieran Prendiville gets stuck up a mast, and Judith Hann does her back in after crashing a chopper.

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In this episode we find ourselves slap-bang in the middle of the 1980s, where one of the more unexpected outcomes of widespread famine in Ethiopia is not one, but two chart-busting charity singles featuring a veritable who's who of top pop stars. 
But while Band Aid and USA For Africa are slugging it out in the charts (and possibly a pub car park), the gang at Tomorrow's World are focusing on more domestic issues. 
Listen on as Kieran Prendiville sniffs some maggots and jiggles a catheter before pouring himself a scotch, Judith Hann shines brighter than the sun, Maggie Philbin has a go at both rowing and mowing, and Peter Macann becomes Clint Eastwood for the day.

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Goedenavond! It's time to slip on a pair of clogs, crack open a Heineken and get the edam out of the fridge as Tomorrow's World heads to Holland for a very special episode from 1973. As if that wasn't enough, the only person the BBC have bothered to send over there is Michael Rodd, so we've got him for the entire episode. What a treat!
Listen on as we see land reclamation in Rotterdam, a robot in Eindhoven, a disabled community in Arnhem, Rodd's upside down chair adventure and a lorry load of terrified pigs. Gezellig!

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Back from a month-long hiatus, and still recovering from the avalanche of boot-licking, brown-nosing and forelock-tugging that was the Platinum Jubilee, Russ and Mark decide now is the perfect time to cash in on Royal Family fever. Luckily for us, Tomorrow's World has a long and distinguished relationship with our blue-blooded overlords by way of The Prince of Wales Award for Innovation and Production, an annual prize that recognised the successes (and sometimes failures) of promising new British inventions.
HRH Judith Hann hosts this special show from Highgrove House with her able assistant Charlie Windsor, while Howard Stableford, Carmen Pryce and Kate Bellingham give us the lowdown on this year's finalists. Entries include a new type of aerosol, a sound-squeezing chip, an inkjet printer, a microscope, a gyroscope, and lorra lorra lasers.

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